Chained Wings
by Frantastic1993
Summary: Life was simple beyond the walls, nothing but the occasional conversation with an angsty squirrel to bother her. But as her world collides with the Scouts, she must now endure Captain Levi's wrath, the Scout's suspicion, and that incessant need to be a smart-ass. They suspect her of being the Colossal - the main problem being, she's so much more. Life wasn't so simple in chains.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there reader, thanks for looking into this piece. Please review, either positive or negative; i'm here to learn. Thank you very much, I hope you enjoy! - Fran**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan, I'm just having fun with characters etc.**

 **Set after Trost/courtroom occurrance. Shifters have only just been discovered. This will very LOOSELY follow the anime for the time being. Though I will always warn for spoilers from the manga.**

 **NOTE: for those of you re-reading to find the differences, I have made minor changes throughout, but these first few chapters are MINOR in their alterations really. But anyway... on with the show.**

* * *

The green canopy whirls past me, the big ass trees are my playground and I cheer as the air swirls my short brown hair around. This was freedom. My heart pounds in my ears as I swoop down, watching a seventeen meter Titan dawdle through the undergrowth. It lazily steps here, then lazily steps over there. It pays me no heed and I do the same to it. It exists, I exist. Simple.

My base comes into view, my little haven, going on ten years I'd been here. Long may it continue. Those rats are happy with their 100 years of peace? Little do they know that it's only 100 years of imprisonment. I aim and shoot the wire once again, getting ready for a fresh swing of momentum. I was like a bird, I was free.

I wonder when I should next properly stretch my legs. Hadn't properly done that in a while. Perhaps I could see how fast I really could run. Or even see if I could find that place they called the ocean? Though I'd have to steal a map. That could cause complications. Of course, before I did anything, I'd have to check the Scouting Legion wasn't on the war path. I laugh, what fools they were. I flip round, and sigh as the cold wind whips past me. I had strong wings, and I had even stronger possibilities. Yes, I would stretch those muscles again, and soon. A smile spreads over my face as I sink below the canopy, green flickering past my slightly ajar eyelids.

Bliss.

"Wake up."

Pain engulfs my mind. The trees and freedom; it's stripped away. I'm falling, the canopy getting further and further away as I descend towards the unforgiving earth. It's all gone; my freedom, my wings, my possibilities. It's all smothered into darkness, and I feel blood spill down my chin. Again. I'm dragged back to reality, and stare at the cold cell floor. It's rough, and unforgiving against my knees as they quiver a little, droplets of blood pattering against the stone like new rain. My cell is small, though big enough for this prick to get a good swing of his leg. Then again he didn't need much room.

Little legs, for a little midget.

At least this time I hadn't gone deaf in one ear. I shift my weight a little, my handcuffs rubbing against the open flesh on my wrists. Ugh, just heal already, this was getting tedious. I can't even heal properly right now; exhaustion, and blood loss were a damned inconvenience I was growing weary of.

"I said, wake the fuck up."

"No, you only said _wake up._ " I tried to use his low voice, but the fact I hadn't had water in several days, meant I only squeak and crackle. Still, it was clearly annoying enough to justify another kick. It was probably the only breakfast I was going to get, so I savour the pain as it echoes through my gut. Delicious. Nutritious.

"Cut the shit, brat. Give it up, tell us who you are." He growls and I sigh, the taste of iron coating my tongue from blood.

This prat really wasn't going to let up, but really I had no other answer to give. Not to him anyway. I look up, and grimace at his lack of expression. At least look angry, hateful, happy, something! But no expression just underlines the fact I mean nothing, it demonstrates the fact I can rot here, and no one will know. Ah. I see why he holds no expression; that's exactly how he wants me to feel. I clear my throat, and continue my crackling.

"I already _told_ you."

"'I'm nobody', is _not_ an answer."

"Well… it's mine."

"Name. _Full_ name."

"You have no god damned right to keep me here."

"Well we don't think that's true. Now give us your name or I swear—"

"You'll what?" I hiss, looking up at him as I strain against my cuffs, anger spilling over. "Kick me in the face? The stomach? Whip me? Hang me? Just get the fuck on with it then. I have done nothing wrong, and yet you lot seem to think you have the authority to drag me back inside this cage and torture me? Wings of freedom my ass, wings of suppression and pain more fucking like it."

I ignore the fire singing my nerves, fresh blood trickling over my hands as I sit up and bare my bloodied teeth at him. If only I wasn't so damned weak right now; I'd show you, I'd show you what real fear is. You prick. Those steel grey eyes would snap wide open, you'd see your pathetic little shit of a life flash before you as it's reflected in my rage.

I'll show you.

You just wait.

Of course he just stares down at me, those grey eyes, unmoved as always. This man was made of stone, and I was sick of being in the path of his rock-slide. I was used to being the main force of nature in my life; and I didn't play well with others. He kneels down slowly, grabs my hair and wrenches my head back till I'm sure he'll snap it clean off. I wonder if he could. I also wonder what would happen if he really tried.

He tightens his grip in my hair, pain splintering over my skull but I just grit my teeth.

"You _claim_ you haven't done anything, you little shit."

"What am I meant to have done? Other than living outside the fucking walls. Didn't think that was illegal." I spit blood at him, and it lands on his cheek. He drops me, grunting as he straightens up, and kicks me once more.

" _Fucking disgusting rat._ " I look up through a curtain of hair as he pulls out a crisp white handkerchief, and wipes his face. I just sneer. "You're suspected of being the Colossal Titan, you know this, brat."

"And as I said, that makes no fucking sense. Humans can't turn into Titans you crazy bastard."

"We have recently learned otherwise."

"You keep saying that, as if I'm meant to understand it!"

"I do believe I'm speaking the same language." He hisses, kneeing the side of my head with a grunt.

"A slightly rougher dialect, but yeah, the same language. Look… If I _was_ the _Colossal Titan,_ then why wouldn't I have changed already?!" I cough as blood fills my mouth, and gasp for the bitter air. I can feel him smirking. "Also, I would point out, I'm _female_? That fucker was a man if I recall correctly."

"The sheer size of that thing could well render that a moot point."

"Mm… I suppose a pair of jugs that fucking big would be fairly hilarious." I cackle as my consciousness ebbs a little. Damn this pain was ridiculous. He presses his foot down on my knee, and I clench my jaw against the yelps in my throat. Sadistic bastard.

"You won't risk getting stuck, that's why you haven't changed."

"Or I haven't, because I can't."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm not the Colossal!" I shriek, my cuffs rattling against the pole as I lean forward.

"I don't believe you." He hisses. I huff, and sit back against the pole I'm attached to.

"Evidently." I say through my teeth, looking across the splattered ground. The pattern of my fallen blood, criss-crossing all across as I'm kicked from left to right, up and down. I had a lot of flair with my blood distribution. I wondered what I could see there, hidden in the random splodges and stains. What did it say about me if I saw a long, serrated blade that would be perfect for slitting his skinny throat? Nothing good, that was for sure.

I sigh into the momentary quiet, this was pointless.

"Don't push me, brat. You will explain yourself. No one lives beyond the walls."

"It doesn't matter what I fucking say you prick," I say quietly, calmly and with my eyes closed.

I lean against the pole, and try to move my wrists away from the harsh metal. It doesn't work. He waits for me to continue as I draw a careful breath, not drawing too deeply as my ribs flare angrily.

"You want someone to blame besides yourself for the people you weren't around to save. And you're determined for it to be me, because that's easier than accepting the fact you don't know who it was. But I'm _sorry_ … it wasn't me."

"So you—"

"So beat me, kill me, leave me here to die, whatever the fuck you want. But I didn't do it, and no amount of my blood covering the floor and your boot, is going to change that. Pig."

I keep my voice calm and level, I can sense him tensing but I just stay still. If he was going to beat the life out of me, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of watching me flinch. Not if I could help it at all.

"You—"

"Levi..." A new voice rumbles into the air, but I remain unchanged, guessing that this is the voice of his superior. It has that arrogant slant to it. Nice of you to show up, you chump. Don't want to dirty your own hands, but you'll gladly leave this animal to beat your prisoners to death. Makes you no better. Just makes you a coward, as well as heartless. Not that I'm all cuddles, sunshine and rainbows; but I at least don't hide behind a bullshit crest and false promises. Instead I had an entirely different facade, only it wasn't used to hide. Not often anyway. I fight a smile, the taste of blood ringing in my memory.

"Commander." My tormentor's voice is strained, I almost look up to see if his face is matching the emotion. But I know it won't be. So I just stay as I am, I can tell it's annoying him, so it just makes it better for me.

"You're obviously not getting anywhere with her, just leave it for the day. I'll send Hanji in to clean her up."

"No. Leave her to stew." The voice hisses before the bars are slammed closed again. The lock clangs into place, and I just hear a heavy sigh before heavier footsteps walk away. Upstairs? I can hear slightly forced breaths in front of me, beyond the door of my cell as he watches me. Seemed odd that it was the animal looking into the cage.

I just wait.

I can crumble once those grey gimlets aren't watching.

Beyond the fact that he had just tortured me for three hours straight, prior to my passing out, I had to admire his passion. He was clearly dedicated. He was an asshole, who I would enjoy choking the life out of, but he had a small touch of my respect.

Prick.

"You going to _leave me to stew_ , or are you going to stand there watching me all night?"

"This isn't over, you little shit."

"Oh really? I thought the whole situation was resolved. My mistake."

"Fucking brat."

"Have a good night Corporal, enjoy the company of your demons."

He storms away, muttering under his breath. I'm sure I hear his noises ascend. So I'm definitely underground. Well, information was information. It seemed my exhaustion and inability to use my potential, wasn't so much of a loss. It wouldn't do me any good down here anyway. Not without causing a lot of irritating bruising. Finally a door slams shut, and another lock is put in place, echoing down into my lonely tomb.

I carefully open my eyes, and wearily look around my abandoned cell. Only lit by a small lantern on the far wall it is grimy, cold and lonely. But the solitude means I can finally give in a little. I let my head hang forward as I breathe deeply against the searing pain. Small whimpers escape me. My whole body is screaming at me, every muscle sore from being kept in this awkward position, my skin is raw from beatings, and my mind is scattered. This was one hell of a day.

I shouldn't have fucking stuck around, but I couldn't help it.

It had been about two years since I moved within the walls of Maria, having previously been outside those before the Colossal turned up to the party. Being a little closer to civilisation made resupplying less of a chore. It meant I was technically inside a wall, but I was still out-with that caged society. It was something.

When I finally gave in and headed for supplies, I waited till dusk had come and gone. Darkness made the Titans weary, slower and easier to dodge, but it also meant I would go unseen by the idiotic humans. Really they were the ones I wanted to avoid. They were the real enemy. I checked my gear, and took a deep breath, time to fly. I fired up, and began my ascent. The wall was cracked and worn, but I figured they hadn't seen the need to maintain this wall with Maria in place. Now it was a different story. I'd have to find a new spot to go over once they began their work. That was tedious.

As my thoughts are jumbled up, I rather stupidly don't notice the small group of soldiers watching me. Waiting for me. And little did I know the little grey eyed ninja was amongst them. A boot, probably his, swung round into my temple as soon as I stand atop the wall. I stumbled a little, swinging my blades around blindly as I tried to back away, but soon found myself just falling towards the city below. Well… shit. The ground is rushing up to meet me, like an overly attached Aunt desperate for affection. This hug would hurt.

And then I stop.

I'm suspended mid-air, arms reaching towards the ground's embrace. Blood rushed to my head as I hung there, confused and weary. And then I felt it. Warmth is spreading down from my calf, and I scream as the pain hits me. Some bastard had shot his wire down to catch me. In that moment I wished he'd had the good grace to hit me in the head, or through the chest. Then it would have been quick at least. And not even I had the self-control to avoid using my potential then. But no, the damn leg. On the pain goes, burning as they hoist me up clumsily. I sob and wail, pride long gone as agony thrashes my body with each tug. Damn them. Why couldn't they just leave me be?

In my cell I shift till I'm sat on the floor, my legs finally stretched out in front of me. My bandaged leg aches, but after three weeks it was beginning to heal properly. I had wanted to let that heal straight away, but as I'd already decided, if they knew… I'd be proper fucked. Though I definitely needed a fresh bandage. Not much chance of that, I was being left to stew after all.

A door opens. The sound trickles down to me.

I quickly right myself, back into my original, and painful, position. Light footsteps head my way, and I stare blankly at the door. They wouldn't know my cracks were showing. This was one prisoner they weren't going to fucking break. They could torture me, question me, even kill me. But they wouldn't break me.

The lantern light flashes off a pair of glasses, and I tense.

Not this woman again.

I don't show it on my face of course, but as she enters my cell, I wish I could break this pole free of the ground and swing it in front of me as defence. She rambles a lot about Titans, and whilst I care little about the monsters anymore, her fascination is a little unnerving. And the fact she studies them makes me wary, she might well figure me out. But that was a stretch. Damn cell was making me paranoid.

"Calm it, kiddo." She sings wandering over, a tray of food and supplies in her hands. I look her up and down, still leaning back as she kneels down, and sets everything in front of her. The food makes my mouth water, and stomach give a traitorous tell-tale grumble. A weird look comes over her. Is it pity? She slowly raises the bread to my lips. "Here, take a bite."

I hate that I do it, but I bite into the bread, and greedily chew it down, choking a little as my dry throat tries to deny the food passage. She holds up the cup of water and I sip, careful not to gulp in case I puke from the shock. This continues for a few minutes till the ache in my gut is dulled, and I can see clearer. Damn this place was even grottier than I thought.

She was mad, but right now she was my angel of mercy.

She sits down with legs crossed, watching me as I lick the blood from my lips. The box next to her snaps open, and she begins to gather medical supplies together. Along with a few damp cloths. I lean back.

"I thought short-ass said I wasn't to get cleaned up."

"And you care about his orders?"

"I do if I'm the one who gets the punishment for them being ignored." I mutter, flinching as she dabs at my forehead first. Again the glasses flash, and a grin spreads across her face. Despite being an angel, she was damned creepy too.

"I told him where to shove it."

"Brave."

"As far as I'm concerned you're innocent till proven guilty."

"Aren't you the forward thinking one…" I hiss through my teeth as she catches the bruising on my cheek. "Sorry… I appreciate it, really. I do."

"You're allowed to be a bit grumpy."

"Yeah but you're not the one pummelling me for something I didn't do."

I wasn't planning on making friends, and braiding the woman's hair, but I could at least appreciate the fact she wasn't as awful as the rest. She wasn't perfect, but then again, she was human. I try a smile, but flinch against the blossoming bruise. I wonder how swollen I am. Do I even look like myself right now? Not that I really know what that is anymore, I haven't had a mirror in a decade. She pats my leg, and I shift myself awkwardly to sitting position, she begins to unravel the bandage, and smiles a little to herself.

"I may be able to help you out with that."

"Excuse me?" I lean away a little, does she want to be the one hurting me? The one pummelling me into the stone floor, and spreading my blood like jam. I think she feels me quiver beneath her touch, and she looks up with an apologetic look.

"Sorry, let me be clear. I meant, I think I can convince shorty that you're telling the truth."

"How?"

"Can I take a sample of your blood?"

"Uhm… well there's plenty on the floor?" I say, still confused, but as she takes out a syringe I cringe but nod. She jabs my arm, and draws out my blood, holding a swab to my skin afterwards. She then returns to her work on my leg. "So how is that going to help me?"

"We've recently acquired a Titan shifter,"

"Acquired?"

"Yeah… it's the reason you're a suspect in the first place."

"Oh… great… I'll have to thank that person."

"Well, we didn't know humans could potentially do such things till he came along, but now that we have him on our side and in our regiment I can—"

"Compare our blood." I sigh as the bandage falls away and the cold air caresses my leg softly. It's the best feeling, it makes a real smile break across my lips. And then makes me flinch against my bruising. Worth it. Though of course, with this new found bliss is the unbridled panic. Problem is, I could hardly refuse her taking my blood, could I? Then I'm just holding up a big ass sign, and proclaiming it to the world. Problem was. I was 'shifter' as they called it, but I wasn't any damn Colossal. What the hell do I do now? She sees none of this panic on my face. Just smiles.

"Before I do compare this though… can I just as you outright? Are you the Colossal?"

"No." I notice she didn't ask if I was a shifter. She was very specific. Could I maybe persuade her that I wasn't a threat? I hold her gaze, and let her read the honesty there. She has such big, open eyes, I see no malice there. Only curiosity. Perhaps I could strike some kind of deal, let her study me, in exchange for her silence. I just had to ask her right. I just had to suck it up, and be brave enough to take the chance. It was either that, or hope she was shit at her job.

"I believe you." She sighs, sounding almost disappointed.

"Sorry?" I laugh, and she waves a dismissive hand. "So that'll clear me, if you find that I'm not a… shifter was it?"

"Yeah, that'd do it… of course…"

"Of course what?" I encourage, hoping she might even come up with the solution herself. Come on Glasses, figure it out. Help me, and even help yourself.

"Nothing. You'll just have to be patient, but that'll be helped by this…"

"By what… ow… what the fuck was that?" I hiss as another pinch goes into my arm, and she gives me a slightly unnerving smile.

My vision blurs a little, and I make to throw another curse her way but my jaw feels slack. God damn it. A sleeping agent? Suddenly my angel has become a demon. I mumble, and feel my world turn to darkness. Though at least I can't feel the pain anymore.

Silver linings were important when left in a shit-storm.

I can hear echoes around me, the clang of metal and clink of chain. But then I'm lifted by my arms, I'm being dragged? I try to ask where we're going but can't. I can't move a damned muscle. My heartbeat is slow as it drums in my mind, my breathing deep, whilst stairs catch against my feet. More jostles and echoes swirl around, and I feel the darkness deepen a little more. It's like I'm in a weird bath, sloshing in and out of consciousness.

But soon I feel a chill run over me, I give a gasp as the icy air nips at my nerves, but soon I feel a blanket thrown over me, covering my head as well as my body. Not exactly caring, but it shielded me from the harsh wind.

Did I hear the rattle of a cart? Was I in a cart? Where the hell was I being taken?

Hands grab my arms again, and once more I'm dragged along, unable to ask or move. I listen to stone, and steel moving. Another cell? I feel a soft mattress beneath me, but soon realise its thin and worn, but still it was an improvement. And then the shackles return. They're thicker than the other ones, harder against my skin, but I think they move less. I might actually be able to heal a little. How gracious of the bastards. Heavy chains slide into place, and I feel them tug my arms down a little. I'm lying on my side, knees tucked up to my chest, arms held outstretched crucifix style, but not tightly. A little freedom was being given. I wouldn't voice it even when able, but I was grateful. I felt a little less like an animal. Not much, but a little.

"I don't know if you can hear me kiddo, but I hope you know that you need to start co-operating."

Not fucking likely, love.

"Shorty has a temper suiting his stature. You're only harming yourself."

It was sweet, such affection for someone she didn't even know. For all this woman knew I was a crazed psychopath, and was the creature who decimated the 100 years of peace. They didn't know I wasn't yet. I knew I wasn't. But it was sweet that she had such faith. I hoped she wasn't as naïve in all areas, otherwise she'd end up dead pretty fucking quick. And annoying. Naïve people were fine in small doses, anything more, they made you sick. Plus, if she was as stupid as the rest, then as soon as she looked at my blood, she'd fly off the handle and have me burned at the stake. She seemed manic enough. But not stupid enough, from what I'd seen.

"I think you'll have the Commander down here soon enough offering you a choice."

What choice? Live or die?

She then redoes my bandaging, cleaning the scarring flesh, and replacing with fresh linen. I can't move, but I hope my smile shows.

"He'll ask if you're willing to join the regiment. He's impressed with your use of the 3D gear, plus the fact you survived out there so long… he's eager to recruit you."

And the other option is? I'm guessing I can't just return home?

"And just so you know, it's not likely he'll let you go home. Sees it as irresponsible or something. I know you'll be enraged by all this… to be fair I haven't really seen you soon anything else… understandably so, but still, just so you know, I'd love to have you on board. Even if you're not a shifter!" she whispers this into my ear, and I further believed the fact she's mad.

Brilliant.

But mad.

And potentially a useful ally. I feel a little less worried about her finding my blood as abnormal, as their 'acquired' shifter friend. It might just make her day. She was already assured I wasn't the Colossal, so she might just want to find out what I am instead. Now it was a case of how brave she was. Or how much she cared about her military career.

What a prat this Commander sounded though.

Basically join up or stay in prison? Great. One cage for another.

"It really isn't so bad, Kiddo. I promise… plus you're hardly going to object to dealing with the Titans right?"

No, but I object to being given orders.

"Ah… still, you'll prove amusing." I can hear her grin, and imagine her glasses flash as my regard for the woman grows. She was clearly a few hens short of a roost, but she seems well intentioned. I also wondered if she was psychic, or was so used to talking to herself, she was imagining my responses. Either way, she was growing on me.

A little like a weed.

* * *

Time is fluid. I have no idea how long I sleep for; days, weeks, months? Echoes come and go, footsteps, grunts and the sputtering of the lanterns. As my muscles ache I shift a little, surprised to find I can. It must have been a day or so, the way my bones creak as I roll over and stretch out. A yawn breaks my lips, and I cough a little as the musty air swirls down my parched throat.

"Finally awake. Took your fucking time."

I let myself fall limp, of all the things to wake up to, I was waking up to this prat? My bruising has died down, but it isn't healed by a long shot. That concerns me, even at my state of exhaustion and weakness, this should have healed by now. What was holding me back? I guess it didn't really matter, I couldn't do anything about it from here. Shit… Another round with him, wasn't something I imagined would do me any good. Hanji pops into my brain, and I will her to come by and visit. To stop whatever this madman was about to do.

But she won't.

That would be too damned convenient, and helpful. I need an escape, I need something other than stone walls and pain. This wasn't what I'd wanted out of life, and for ten years I'd lived simply and free. So why was I being punished for that? I imagine myself back home, high in the canopy, or prowling like the formidable hunter I was. All in all; free from this bullshit. Out there the biggest issue was whether to gut the dear on the ground or not. Drag its carcass up whole, or take all the little bits separately? Here though? Things got messy all on their own.

I hear the door open.

I hear the door close.

I hear him approach.

I hear him pause.

I brace, but it makes little difference.

He drags me off the bed, and throws me onto the cold floor. The best way to start the day. I accept the fact that this is likely to continue for a while, so I remain quiet, and carefully look up. I can't make out what non-expression he's wearing, and can only see a slight shine against his heavy lidded eyes. What was this guy's problem with me? To have such hatred towards someone you don't even know. It was incomprehensible. Even for a human. When he just stands there, looming over me as I fight the urge to get up, I feel my patience slipping away. If you're going to torture someone, then just do it? I give in, he wants me to start this dance. I make my curtsey.

"What can I do for you today, Captain?"

"You can tell me who you are."

"Already done that."

"Everyone is someone, no one is nobody."

"How philosophical of you."

"Name. Now."

"Or what?"

"You know what." He growls, kneeling down and taking a handful of my hair. He wrenches me upright, and bends back my head till I'm looking at the ceiling. I breathe through clenched teeth but make no move. There was no point, I was trapped, and he was freakishly strong, even for me. This wasn't a fight I would bother with. "If you're not even going to fight back, comply."

"Why fight back? What would be the point, you psycho?"

"It's called dignity, you rat."

"I have dignity, but I'm fully aware I can't beat you right now. So I'm maintaining said _dignity_ , by just letting you vent whatever frustration it is today that has you here, beating on an innocent woman. Such a proud man you must be."

"I'm only here to get information. That's it."

"Sure it is, it's not in any way some sick form of therapy for you."

"You don't know me, rat." He pulls my hair even further, and I grasp his hand in an attempt to alleviate some pressure. He was going to rip all my hair out. I suited short hair, I wasn't so sure I'd suit being bald. I force my eyes open, and stare him down.

"Whose face do you see when you hit me, Captain? Hm? Whose voice do you imagine when you make me yelp in pain? Commander Erwin? Your wife? Your boyfriend?"

His hand is at my throat, and tightening.

I sense I hit a nerve, but I don't know when. I spoke quickly, knowing full well my speech time was limited, and if I had the opportunity to piss this guy off. I would take it. It was more than likely I would die in this place. Yet the sooner I got him mad beyond reason, the sooner I would be free.

Dead, but free.

" _Boyfriend-it-is_."

"None of this is your business, rat."

" _I have nothing better to do_."

"All you need to concern yourself with, is how many times it'll take for me to kick right through your gut."

"Judging from last time?" I cough, when he finally lets go, "About 43. Give or take a couple."

"Better get started then."

And on he goes. 1,2,3,4…

I feel old wounds be swaddled by new ones. I feel old breaks become new ones, and I once again seek the solace of my delusional daydreaming. I imagine myself having lost balance, and all that's happening is that I'm falling down a tree, hitting branches on the way down. Ow. But it was fine, I had plenty medical supplies, and a good store of food. I could stand a few weeks held up at home. It'd be boring, but peaceful.

Damn this was a tall tree.

But even then my mind revolts. It doesn't make sense. I'd have transformed by now, I'd have saved myself from this pain. I wasn't afraid of pain, but I knew how to avoid it. As the deluge continues, I long for my power. It was the first time I'd felt truly helpless in a long time.

Just kill me.

"Just answer me dammit. This is getting boring." Though his voice sounds more invested than ever, like he's enjoying his work a little too much. This isn't very surprising. "You stubborn, bitch. No one survives out there, and no one just disappears without a trace. Someone knows you. We'll find them."

I wonder if he thinks this is a trigger for me. Will I have someone I need to protect? Well, no, sorry little man, I don't. The emotional connection route is another, dusty dead end. I wipe blood from my eye, and grin.

"Good luck. Check the pubs." I spit, letting the bloodied spittle dribble down my bruising chin. He pauses, narrowing his eyes at my words, but he knows there's nothing much to be deciphered from them. I'm playing with him, as much as he's punishing me.

"Little sob story is it?" he mutters, stepping on my hand and pressing down, I wail and claw at his leg, leaving bloody fingerprints against his white trousers. He presses harder before kicking me away with a disgusted grunt. "Filthy rat like you… I bet you're from the underground."

"Gambler are you?"

"No, but I get the feeling I'm right."

"Used to being wrong then?" I chuckle, and attempt to get up.

Amazingly enough he lets me, and he stands watching me as I right myself, and brush off the debris of my cell. Despite its cleanliness, I had managed to get filthy. It seemed to be a talent of mine. He's looking me up and down, brow ever-so-slightly furrowed. He probably doesn't understand how I'm standing, and quite frankly I don't either. My healing isn't working, and yet I endured. But if it makes him pause, I'd keep it up without question.

"My story is just that, mate. _Mine_. And you, with your damned capes and hypocritical morals, cannot demand it from me. I have done nothing wrong, okay… I stole a few supplies here and there… but otherwise I am completely innocent."

"No one is innocent."

"My, my, you must have one fucker of a sob story yourself, small-fry. Funny thing is though, I couldn't care less about yours. Yet you're oh-so-interested in mine. And why?" I lean back, and crack my back before stretching out, and cracking my arms too. "Because I lived outside the walls. Who gives a fuck? One less body to keep fed and watered inside the pen. And—"

"One less person controlled."

Despite the fact I hate him, and despite the fact I have found no redeeming quality other than his blind determination or passion; I sense these aren't his words. I have no idea what kind of leader this man is, and in all honesty I can't comprehend why he was ever put in charge of anyone else's life but his own. However. There was a definitive sense of disgust there, he says the words, but he hates them. I spit out some more blood, and shrug at him.

"Well I'm here now, penned in, and controlled. Job done."

"You're in a cage, that doesn't make you tamed." He snarls, striding towards me. I hate that I do it, but my instincts send me tumbling back against the wall. My entire damn body is quivering. Shit. My mind is being obstinate, refusing to let fear in, but my body is not so strong willed. I'm shivering and gasping for air as my heart races off without me, but he doesn't seem to notice as he pins me by the throat. "I will break you, and you _will_ obey me."

"You fucking wish."

"I fucking know."

"The day you break me? Is the day you literally break every bone in this body. And then what's the use?" I hiss and he tightens his grip. The room swims, and I breathe thinly, eyes rolling back. "You'll be controlling a corpse."

"Mankind needs saving, Erwin seems to think you can help with that. I would rather get straight to killing you. However, he's in charge. So for now, we'll be going down his path. Once he gets bored of you?" he murmurs in my ear, hot breath making goose-bumps spring up across my flesh. "And he will. On that day? I will break you apart, and I will fucking enjoy it. I don't trust you, but I _will_ kill you. That's a promise." He speaks so harshly, short little bursts of hate as he speaks past those thin, pale lips and sharp little teeth.

He then chucks me onto the bed. I hear him wipe his hands on the sheets before marching out, and slamming the cell door shut. Without another poisoned word, he storms off. Once the far away door also slams shut, silence returns to my humble abode and I begin to weep. I clasp my burning through, and let the bitter tears fall.

Damn them.

Damn them all.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed!**

 **If you like the Shifter side of the story, and want to read a GREAT shifter story, one that inspired me to go ahead and use the Shifter aspect of this story, check out Adishailan, and her BRILLIANT story "The Hunter" I'm BETA reading for it, and I'm having so much fun doing so. Really, she's a great writer, with a great concept. Check it out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Please feel free to review either positive or negative; i'm here to learn, and appreciate it all.**

 **Thank you very much.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

A few more days of solitude pass me by without issue. Without change. Without life.

I lie there for a long time, staring at the ceiling and listening to the echoing noises of the HQ above me. I wonder how many of them even know I'm down here. Am I some big secret? Or a big deal that everyone is whispering about? I smirk, it didn't really matter did it? It only mattered if someone found out, and felt like freeing the poor creature brought in from outside the walls. Until then, it mattered very little. Until then I could imagine bursting through this ceiling, and mauling all of them. Of looming over them, and watching them scramble, pissing themselves as they scream for their mothers. Bastards. I wasn't a malicious person; but they had officially poked the proverbial bear. And she wasn't happy about it. A weird smile is on my face as I recall the sensation of power, the pure heat of unbridled rage. What a feeling. What freedom.

Once I can move an inch without being engulfed by pain, I get up, and start rebuilding myself. I pace as far as I can with my chains, I get down and do push-ups, I run on the spot. I may be left to linger here for months, even years, but I wasn't going to let myself dwindle down to nothing. The first real chance I got, I was going to take it if I could. I would get out, and I would take that short bastard down. I get up from my latest push-up session, and sit on the bed.

Would I rather kill him, or have freedom?

It may well be that I have to make that choice.

I imagine my hands wrapped round that neck, snapping it clean in two. Or pulling that damned cravat tighter and tighter, till there's a satisfying pop. My whole body shivers in anticipation. What if I got to the surface? Then I could transform, I could squish him beneath my foot. I could literally crush his life out of him. I could rip him apart, bone by bone. I think I need revenge, more than I need my home. I need his blood, more than I need freedom. Is that right? I scrape my hair back, and breathe the stale air in deeply. My heart pounds. My mind is scattered. Yet even now, as I imagine my home, and its simplistic existence, my mind immediately snaps back to those grey eyes, and the way that raven hair falls in front of them. Those thin pale lips, with pearly teeth bared behind. I am immediately angry, and immediately ravenous for violence.

Someone is barking orders in the distance. This is not a new occurrence, but the closeness is. I wonder if I'm about to have a fresh visit with my little tormentor, and I feel a thrill as I look at my clawing hands that wrap round the bars eagerly. The second he was in reach I'd claw those pale eyes out. I'd smash those teeth down into his gullet, and watch him choke on them. I'd— I hear rushing footsteps, and the familiar twittering's of Hanji.

What the hell…

I look at my hands, and back away from the bars.

My breathing is a little shaky, and I stumble back to sit on my bed. My mind cools, and my hands begin to quiver as I shake my head, dispelling the last of the hatred. I'd never known this kind of loathing. It was this kind of poisoned thinking that had sent me over the walls in the first place. It was this side of humanity I'd wanted to escape. I grit my teeth. No, he wasn't getting to me, he wasn't going to break me. I would not let him turn me into the beast he probably thought I was. Little did he know, I was much worse in some ways. I put my hand over my mouth, and fight the nausea. Memories wouldn't help me here. Not now.

When the familiar flash of glasses catches my eye I turn, and smile weakly at my one 'friend'. I can't bring myself to actually like her yet, after all she hasn't given me a key, or ticket out of here. But she did at least act humane towards me, and also treat me as a human. It was a big step up from _him_. Then again _he_ was my only other point of reference. The rest of this damned regiment had steered well clear.

I recall Hanji's words from when I was drugged up. The Commander had a choice to give me. And what a choice it was. I lie back as Hanji enters the cell, that weird little grin in place all the while. When would the Commander come? And what the hell was I going to say? The word freedom didn't really apply to the choice. I was either in this cell, or in their uniform. I didn't really know which was worse. I internally scoff, yes I did. The cell was much worse, the uniform would simply be annoying. But also liberating. If I played along perhaps I could eventually return home, slip away on a mission. Then again, would I even need to? All the Scouting Legion was for, was exploring the outside terrain and then returning home with as many people in tact as possible. The only difference between here, and home would be the lack of thieving. And following orders. I smirk, Commander Erwin would surely be aware of the unlikeliness of that going well. My mind fizzes, perhaps this was a choice I could make. But I still needed time to think it through, the Commander would have something else up his sleeve, surely?

I'm relieved Hanji has come alone today, I didn't have the mind power to deal with the Commander's grand entrance. Of course I also needed to find out if she'd compared the blood yet. Was I found out already? Or was she still ignorant?

I sit up when Hanji is by my side. I then notice something.

She's left the door ajar.

I look at the slightly open threshold, and feel myself sigh. I was chained, and couldn't run off, but even the slightest ray of hope lightened my spirits a little. This wasn't a real chance, it was simply a glance at one.

Hanji taps my shoulder, and I give a small shrug to her sorry smile.

"Sorry, a girl can dream." Not that I sound like a girl, I sound like a 60 year old man. She passes me a glass of water, and I take careful sips. It tastes awful in my stale mouth, but on I sip. "Thanks… So where am I now? And what was with the sleeping draft? This is all very cloak and daggers…"

"Sorry, kiddo. But I didn't think you'd be co-operative, and I didn't fancy letting shorty have another go at making you compliant."

"Thanks I guess… not that it stopped him paying me a visit anyway…"

"This is HQ, until we know for sure what or who you are, you'll be staying down here. Sorry, not my ruling I'm afraid."

"I like that you put what, before who." I grin into the glass. Her glasses flash again but I just roll my eyes. "Haven't checked the blood yet have you?"

That was vague enough right?

"So Hanji… tell me about this Titan shifter?"

She tells me about a young boy called Eren Jeager, and then proceeds to gush about his abilities. This only makes my hopes grow; perhaps she would give me a chance. On she goes, blabbering about his victory for Humanity in Trost, and all the hope he had brought. I found it odd that this kid was being heralded a hero for actually being a Titan-shifter, and yet I was being beaten to a pulp, despite them not knowing for sure I was one. But then she confesses the fact he was also beaten to a pulp. I drain my glass and give a snort, a bitter smile warping my chapped lips.

"By twinkle toes, I assume?"

"Yeah…"

"Is that all he does?"

"No… and it did save the kids life."

"Uhuh… right. Hey Hanji?" She looks back at me as she locks the door to my cell. "Do you know when the Commander is planning on coming down here?"

"Huh?"

"I'd rather know when to get myself psyched up for his lamenting speech that he has undoubtedly prepared, in order to convince me."

"So you _could_ hear me." She beams, and I give a nod, "I think he's coming down in the morning. You know what you'll chose?"

"Potentially… but I need to mull it over some more. Thanks for the heads up."

I had until morning to prepare.

I had until morning to think.

I was still unable to remain standing for longer than ten minutes, my back ached and my wrists had only just begun to heal. Right now was not when I wanted a pep-talk from the poster boy for the Gestapo bastards holding me hostage. But right enough, that was what I was going to get.

* * *

In the morning – or what I assume to be the morning from the six or so hours that trudge by – Commander Erwin Smith appears. Standing tall, outside my cell in all his golden eyebrow glory. He steps out in front, all imposing, and straight faced; whilst I sit and ignore him. With a dramatic sigh he bangs on the bar. I look up, and stare him down coldly. He may be a big shot here, but outside these walls he was nothing more than a blonde bug waiting to be squished.

Behind him stands Little Levi, leaning against the wall looking bored as ever.

Another little bug, waiting to be stomped into oblivion.

"My name is Commander, Erwin Smith. I've come to give you a choice—"

"Join your regiment or stay in jail? Hardly a choice."

"Luckily that's not what I'm offering." He says, a slight smile tugging at his thin mouth. I wait patiently, taking note of Levi looking away, a wrinkle to his nose. Whatever the Commander was about to offer, clearly didn't please the midget.

This may well prove a decent proposition.

"You can return to your home outside the walls, however you will serve a sentence to repay the supplies you have stolen over the years. _Or_ , join our regiment permanently, and begin training soon. You clearly have talent, I hope you can see the profit in using that talent to benefit manki—"

"That's still jail or regiment you prick." I hiss, straightening up, and sighing as my back pops and crunches loudly. These old bones needed a proper work-out.

"But not indefinite jail."

"Yeah, yeah… Why exactly would I want to benefit mankind? When it's mankind I've been avoiding for the past ten years?"

"So that's how long you were out there…" he muses, arrogance heightening. I internally curse, hating my big mouth, but externally I just shrug and put hands to my hips. "By helping us free mankind, you can help shape its future, perhaps even change what it is you hate about it. Doesn't that seem like a golden opportunity?"

"No, it seems more like a shit leaden opportunity, weighed down by your bullshit, and everyone else's, but given a nice bit of gold paint for the sell."

"One person's gold is another's—"

"Cut the shit. I'll join."

" _Why_?" asks Levi with an almost grimace, I meet his eye and smirk, enjoying his discomfort and distaste. It was a simple thing, but I had a fairly simple mind. Both men seemed surprised, but I wasn't one to drag this kind of crap out. Especially when it meant having to listen to some contrived rubbish from the golden browlord. I also guessed this was all theoretical for now, they had presumably not heard from Hanji yet. They wouldn't be offering this to a confirmed shifter. Not when they still suspected her of being the Titan that brought on this new age of war.

"For one thing, you seem very keen _not_ to have me around short-arse, so why not rub it in your pointed little face?"

" _Rat._ "

"Secondly, you lot spend most of your time in the outskirts of the territory anyway, and thirdly you regularly leave the walls."

"So you can scurry back to your warren?" he snaps and receives a look from his superior. I don't see the look, but I feel the disapproval. Careful shorty, blondie here seems to like me. I keep staring down my little adversary, and roll my eyes dramatically at him.

"I lived in the trees you dumbass, warrens are underground? But no, I won't run."

"Sure you will."

"Look, by going out with you lot on expeditions, I'll pretty much heading home, but without having to nick supplies _and_ with regular hot showers and meals. Win, win, really."

"A logical decision." Rumbles golden boy with a smile. I nod at him, and wink.

"Plus, I can always head off in a few years once the glory's novelty has worn off."

"That so?"

"Yep, either then, or once you're all dead in the ground, rotting away like the pieces of shit you are. Then I can just step over you, and head home. Either way, it's all good."

I enjoy the surprise that passes Erwin's face, and he glances at his subordinate who just kicks off the wall and walks away. He was throwing a tantrum. How adorable. Erwin turns back to me, taking a couple more seconds to overcome my blunt speech, and finally gives a reserved smile.

"You'll be kept contained till we know we can trust you, but you will begin training soon." He speaks so weirdly, concealing as much tone as possible whilst portraying sincerity. It was plain unnerving. I tilt my head, and chance it. No harm in asking.

"Decided I'm not the Colossal then, genius?"

"Thanks to Hanji's research you're cleared of those charges."

"Gee, thanks for letting me know."

"Though you remain under scrutiny."

"Oh I hadn't guessed by the fact I'm still in a fucking cell. What am I suspected of now? Being too good at surviving, such a travesty…" I laugh, internally running round in circles demanding answers. What had Hanji found out? Had the test simply failed? Did she know I was a shifter? Was she actually on my side, or planning on blackmailing me with this? Would I be experimented on? I shudder a little.

"Not many would survive as long as you did beyond the safety of the walls, we have to be sure you're not a threat. But still, welcome to the fight."

" _Such an honour_." I scoff, feeling the walls close in a little. He gives a salute, and I feel myself cringe. Then he lowers his arm, and frowns.

"Although… can you now at least tell me your name? It won't work very well not being able to refer to you by name."

"Don't see why not. Alexia Senefold." I give a small bow, and sit down on my bed, chains jangling as I watch him closely. He shakes his head.

"Why didn't you tell us before?"

"Because it was pissing off shorty." I laugh, wincing a little against my bruising. He nods slowly, looking off in the direction his subordinate stormed off in. A strange look passes over that chiselled face. There's a few moments of silence before he turns to me again, blue eyes tightening in a weird way. What was he planning?

"You're not afraid of him then?"

"What a stupid question."

"Is that a no?" he tilts his head, and I snort. My heart picked up at the idea of him bringing the little dog back here to check on my answer. Of that man getting anywhere near me. I lean back and put my hands out of sight, they're bloody trembling all over again.

"He's just a little dog biting at my ankles, I can handle him."

"I see…"

"Oh and in case you're wondering? Nothing will come up with that name. Just a couple parents… although they may be dead, not sure in all honesty."

"Surely they'll want to know you're safe." He frowns, his eyes clearing to only concern. I wonder what kind of man this is. He willingly lets his subordinate torture me for days on end, never comes to see me, probably hasn't even considered the fact I could be injured beyond repair. And yet he now wonders if my parents want to know I'm safe? He was either completely psychotic, or extremely clever. Perhaps he was both?

I can appreciate the concern, but the whispers drenched in pity just get my back up.

"Seriously, Erwin. Check the lists, you won't find a missing person report."

"And why not?"

"That really isn't something you need to know right now."

"You know, you really should refer to me as Commander, and respect the fact I am now your superior. Comes with the fact you're now a Scout."

"And how much did you really think that was _ever_ going to happen? I'll follow your rules, do as bid, but don't expect me to use all the airs, and graces of these other puppets of yours."

"Very well, simply Erwin will suffice. However, I then order you to tell me why there's no missing report."

"Come on Erwin, let me keep some mystery? It's all a gal like me has." I wink, and waggle my eyebrows, well aware of the pit I had dug myself. But when faced with training, or these four cold mossy walls, I was willing to play dress-up in their silly uniform. I'd be paid to kill Titans, which I had been doing for free. The beasts were the least of my worries right now, but heck, I knew I could do it. So why not cash in before flying the coop?

I glance up, and see the golden-boy remains unsure, I groan and wave a hand impatiently at him.

"Consider me as you find me… a little runaway woman with a chip on her shoulder. Hey… Any chance of me getting a proper shower?" I ask sitting up, he seems to finally get the message that I wasn't going to budge on the subject. He sighs heavily, and oh-so-dramatically, before turning to Hanji, who had appeared at some point. The woman was like a ghost at times. I needed to talk to her.

"Hanji, be so kind as to escort Alexia and get her cleaned up. And give her a uniform, if you can find one small enough…"

The Commander walks off, not seeing me stick my tongue out at him.

My shackles are released, and Hanji chuckles a little as she walks next to me. I'm barely shuffling due to my aches, and pains, but she knows better than to reach out. Silently I thank the woman, my pride could only take so much. And now that I wasn't bound in chains, I wanted to scrape back as much of it as I could. There were three guards with us, I was still under 'scrutiny' as Erwin put, so I had to be well behaved. I also couldn't ask Hanji what the hell had happened with the blood. But then again, did I want to? I try and look around without drawing attention to it, but I think we're still underground. I still can't change. I yawn, and consider the fact I probably shouldn't even if had the option. I wouldn't get very far.

I noticed Hanji glancing my way repeatedly, so I met her eye with question. She looks me up and down, and frowns.

"Y'now kiddo, you're really not that tall."

Internally I'm bawling, nah, I wasn't in this form. You just wait, love, you just fucking wait.

"You expected me to be?"

"Well you're always calling Levi small…"

"My height has nothing to do with his lack of it." I smirk, and let my head hang a little as my neck fights against this new, strange idea, of holding my head upright. I groan and rub it, damn it, I better not have a permanent hunch. That wasn't intimidating at all.

It takes about an hour for me to shower, and be set up with a uniform, which is pretty baggy over my slight frame. I'm a strong little bugger though, I'd show them that. Though soon enough I'm chucked back in my cell, but at least spared the shackles.

One step closer to freedom I guess.

Before Hanji leaves me to my lantern friends, she whispers over to me that I'll soon have a companion. The Jeager kid was arriving soon. I find myself a little excited; this kid sounded fascinating. I'd never met another shifter. I wondered if he'd be a messed up little squirt, or a damaged and abrasive dick. It was usually one or the other. In all honesty though, I wasn't sure which I was any more… maybe I had become a mush-up of both? I then sink into my bed a little more; I won't actually be able to discuss anything with him. I'm still pretending not to be one. Damn it. I didn't get to have any fun these days…

* * *

It's a couple hours later when I hear a commotion coming towards my cell. A couple voices, and several sets of feet. I approach the bars but remain in my safe little pool of shadow. There's a rumbling, and a single set of feet approach. The little Captain walks over to the door of my cell, I'm gripping the bars to mask the trembling. He gestures me back with a flick of his head. I do so slowly, hands behind me, eyeing him as he unlocks the door, and steps inside.

What the hell was he up to now?

I keep stepping back as he turns, and relocks the door. My heart begins to race, and I hate the fact I feel fear consciously. It's broken into my head now. Shit. I remember Erwin's disbelief when I claimed to not fear his subordinate. But it was only now I felt I'd been lying. Right now I'm not bound, I could kill him. And right now I'm afraid that I _could_ actually do it, I could snap that neck, I could rip those eyes out, and I could claw right through that chest. I could be a monster.

I hate that he makes me feel this.

I hate that he turns me into a monster.

But I can't give in, not when I'm so close to being allowed outside this cell. I have no idea how far away I am from the surface, or how many guards are between me, and the door. I wouldn't let him break me, not when I've made a deal for a portion of Freedom. And when sealed in an underground cell for as long as I had been, even a portion was something to salivate at.

I'm desperate to kill him, but I'm not so stupid as to risk everything for it. I recall my previous madness, considering forgoing freedom for the sake of this man's blood. I shudder. How could he make me so blinded by rage? Even now I feel my hands twitch, itching for something to claw at. No. I won't let him win. And his pathetic little life isn't worth it. I wasn't about to prove my parents right now. Not when I'd proved them wrong for so long.

"Not a sound, rat." He mutters, closing in, and taking hold of my throat. I don't fight it, I just hold onto his arm to relieve a little pressure as he lifts me off the ground. If I even think about making a move against him, the beast he's made me into will take over. I know this as I feel the burn in my muscles. "Erwin might be stupid enough to think you can be trusted, but I'm not. You aren't fooling me. Got it?"

I just gasp a little.

"You step even a toe out of line? I'll kill you before you even blink."

Again, I just stare down at him.

He clenches his jaw, and seems confused for a moment before dropping me, and shoving me with his boot. I roll, and cough harshly. My head is screaming at me. Why wasn't I pouncing on him? But I just stare at the ground, hoping he's said his piece, and will leave again. I won't let you win, bastard, I won't.

"No fight left, rat?" I look up, and see his disappointed frown, did he want a fight? Was he seriously a masochist, along with relentlessly aggressive, psychotically emotionless and unyieldingly hateful? It was a tall order for such a short bastard. "Have you actually become as pathetic as I believed you to be?"

"I won't let you break me." I hiss through clenched teeth, his eyes tighten and a smirk spreads over his mouth. He was enjoying this as much as the beatings wasn't he? My nails scraped against the stone floor. My resolve shakes.

"You really think you could do it." he kneels down, and grips my chin tightly, running his thumb where no tears fall. "That stupid little brain actually believes you'd win that fight. I can kill you in a second, flat. Keep that in mind, brat."

"Pride comes before a fall." I growl as he gets up to leave.

"Indeed it does." He heads for the door, and gives a small chuckle. "Pity Erwin had to go through the dramatics of pretending to give you freedom, in order to learn your name."

"Excuse me?" I get up in a flash, and rattle the door as he clicks the lock into place. He sneers for a split second before returning to his hateful mask of nothing.

He was lying.

He had to be.

Erwin had been so sincere, so easily read. My blood boils, and I shake the bars till dust falls from the ceiling. They hadn't fooled me, not this easily. I'd tear this entire building down if he spoke the truth. I was no fool, they can't have played me.

"You really are an idiot." Levi says, shaking his head in pity.

"Stop speaking in fucking riddles, what are you talking about?"

"Why the hell would he trust you? The second he lets you out of here, you'd run back to your treehouse. Like a wild animal." He looks me up and down. "Pathetic. Titan's probably left you alone because they thought you _were_ just another beast in the forest."

"I'll show you how much of a beast I am." I hiss, clawing at him, feeling a ghost of his flesh as I skim past without making contact. He doesn't even flinch. Arrogant fucker. "You can't keep me here. This isn't right!"

"Am I supposed to care?" he narrows his eyes, and shrugs. "You're stuck with us for now, _Alexia,_ you might as well get comfy. Once we're done with a full check on your name, the decision will be made."

"What decision?" he just stares at me before turning and walking away, steady pace and not a glance backwards. This was all lies. He was just trying to rile me up. I growl, unfortunately if that was what he wanted, I was giving him exactly that. I shove my face as far through the bars as I can, and shriek after him. My pride is gone, my dignity shredded. My desperation has taken over.

"You can't keep me here! I have don't nothing wrong! I only want my freedom, isn't that what you fuckers are meant to stand for! Can't you understand wanting freedom you heartless bastard!"

I don't even see him come back. Suddenly he's gripping my throat again. I fight against it, but he tugs me closer to the cold metal, and hisses in my ear.

"You lived out there for _ten years_. You've been free a lot longer than most. Be grateful for that, you piece of shit." And he throws me back, looking me up and down yet again, as though trying to figure something out.

And then it dawns on me.

I'd said it myself; he wanted someone to blame…

So much hatred had to come from somewhere. It didn't matter who you were, or how hateful a soul you had. There had to be some kind of reason, behind this much malice. I hadn't hurt anyone from the regiment, I knew that for sure, I had never seen reason to cause issue with them. So if I hadn't hurt anyone, perhaps I represented something he had lost? Had I managed to survive when someone he loved hadn't? He's still staring, little mind whirring away as I rub my throat, and smooth down my hair.

"So who was it that didn't make the cut?"

He widens his eyes for a split second, if that. But I saw it. I hit a nerve, his eyes flashed with fury for that mere moment, and I can tell I hit the nail on its pretty little head. I grit my teeth, and march back over to the bars, seething as I hold his cold gaze.

"Who was it that you took outside the walls into that big bad world? Who was it you failed to protect? Who was it you lead out there when they weren't ready? Who was it _you_ let die?"

"Stop speaking shit."

"Shit is it? So that isn't why you hate me so much despite the fact you don't even know me?" he begins to walk away, hands in fists by his side. I drape my arm over the middle bar of the cell, and laugh darkly. "And that's why you enjoy kicking the shit out of me so much isn't it short-stack? You just love imagining your past self under that boot, demanding to know why you weren't good enough to help them? Who were they _Captain Levi_? Who did you lead to their deaths? Who is it I have managed to outlive somehow and—"

But this time when he makes a move to grab my arm, I'm ready for him. I grab his throat, and squeeze tight enough to almost break that little neck. But I want him to hear this, I want him to feel every damned word that slithers past my lips. I pull him up to the bars, and spit in his face. I won't be able to hold long, I can already feel him breaking my grip with his immense strength. But if this is to be my only chance at punishing him, I was going to milk it for all its worth. His eyes bore into mine, but I know the heat of my gaze is winning.

"If you are telling the truth? And this was all just to get my name? Then you'll find it pointless. I told you the truth you sack of shit, I am _no one_. I mean little, and you can't use me against any of your enemies."

"You would say that, rat."

"I lived out there, and I _survived_ out there. _I_ didn't kill whoever the fuck died out there under your watch. So don't pretend that I did. This world is cruel, and you're right, I had ten years of freedom." I throw him back, and he falls against the wall with a grunt. Fury burning in his silver eyes as he straightens up.

"How did you do it?" he demands, but I just ignore his question.

"I will have my freedom Levi. Trust that, even if you don't trust me."

"Like hell you will." He says through clenched teeth. "I'll kill you myself before you get anywhere near that stinking home of yours."

I stare at him for a long, silent moment. He's panting, he's about as much of a mess as I've ever seen him. Even after hours of pummelling me into the ground, now, he was dishevelled. His heart was practically toppling off his sleeve and plapping into the stone floor. Pathetic, loathsome man. So much determination was something I respected; but it was also dangerous.

I smirk at him. He doesn't look like he can believe it.

"I would've served alongside you. I would have helped you kill those meat-bags. I may be a no one, and I _may_ be nothing but a rat in your eyes. But when I agree to something? I actually do it. I have morals, I have rules. And I hold to them. Something humanity forgot how to do a long time ago. So stand there and gloat, come in here, and kick the shit out of me. But I have already won."

"And how the fuck do you figure that?"

"Because at least I lived without regret for ten years." He cringes a little, but I don't understand why. I keep going, holding his gaze, and relentlessly keeping my cool. "At least I can die knowing I have done no one any wrong. And I left this world, no worse than when I found it. Humanity is a scumming parasite on this world, and until we realise that, and decide to do something about it? We deserve to be extinct. We deserve to be consumed by those mindless monsters."

"So why would you want to help fight them?"

"Because I thought the Wings of Freedom stood for something once."

"What?"

"But it seems that those pretty little wings have gotten smothered in shit. Weighed down by lies, and bullshit. Just like everything else. So congrats Captain." I make a low bow, and look at him from my lowered position, letting a cold sneer spread across my lips. "You fooled me, you got my name, but at least I don't lie."

"Moral high ground. How noble." He huffs, straightening his stupid little cravat. I straighten up and nod, blinkly slowly and giving a small chuckle.

"In this world where we're penned in from all sides? Moral high ground feels pretty fucking good."

He stares at me, hatred in his eyes as the silence drags on. I just wait, I know he has nothing to say. There's nothing really to say. He can't justify it, any more than Erwin can. If they had lied to me? And dangled freedom in front of my face for simply my name? They were no better than the bastards in the inner-city, they were no better than the 'monsters' they lived to kill. Heartless, bastards, they were all the same.

But if he had said that lie in order to break me? It hadn't worked.

Either way he had lost, and either way I had won.

What a view.

He finally breaks away from my stare, and storms out. The far off door slams loudly, and I listen as the echoes gradually die away. In the quiet I hold onto the bars, and breathe deeply. The walls loom over me, and I try to steady myself.

It had to be a lie.

He was just trying to break me down.

He was a psychotic bastard who couldn't accept that I had lived, whilst someone he knew had died. I didn't know who, but someone he cared for had gone out into that world, and died to the hands of a Titan. I wonder if they'd been on the run like me, or borne the Wings of Freedom as they drew their last breath. I kneel down, and put my head to the cold metal; I wasn't sure if knowing why he loathed me so much helped, or hindered. It gave him a reason, but did it make me hate him more, or less? But I smile a little, I hadn't killed him, I hadn't let him force me into throwing away my freedom. Unless I didn't have it to throw away anyway.

Shit.

A few rumbles sound above me, and finally the door opens again, footsteps approach.

The group arrives, and marches past, three men who I don't recognise holding onto a younger boy, with shorty making up the rear. He holds his stoic mask firmly in place, not even glancing my way. Piece of shit coward. He pulls out a set of keys, and the door next to mine opens before there's a tired grunt as the kid is pushed inside. Well they hadn't knocked him out whilst moving him; so he was presumably less volatile than me.

I only got a small glance, but clearly saw that the kid was bruised up. Though not to the extent I thought he would be. Then again, he probably still had his healing on the go. I still didn't understand why mine was on holiday, but at least this kid was on point. But this kid… he was clearly an innocent fool. In the small moment his bright green eyes had looked to me, I felt like I could see right into his naïve little heart. Damn that kid just left everything on show didn't he? Nerves open and bare. Either very brave, or very foolish. He was scared, but curious, determined and lost. All laid out on a silver platter. I sent him an encouraging smile, figuring it couldn't hurt to stay on the right side of a fellow shifter. I don't know if he saw it, but I saw surprise flash over his face before he vanished into the next cell.

Would they lie to him too?

Perhaps he would know if I had been lied to.

I slink back into the shadows, and wait for the steps to ascend the stairs once again. It takes a while, but eventually the door slams closed, and I hear silence retake the cells.

The lamps hiss as they burn on, and things creak, and groan throughout the building as usual. I walk towards the wall, and press my ear to it. Nothing. I think I can faintly hear someone breathing, but it's faint, and carefully controlled. I wonder if this is because he thinks he might turn, or because he's frightened of who he now lives next to. Either way, relieving the tension seemed like a good plan.

"Eren Jeager, right?"

"Y-yes Ma'am."

"Less of the Ma'am kid, I'm not that old."

"Okay…"

"You okay in there? Well… apart from being locked up in a cell, and being ruled over by a Golden haired Eyebrow God, and his little mutt." I drawl, and am relieved to hear him give a nervous laugh, only to clamp his teeth together with a snap. Yeah, I can understand his anxiety, for all he knew I was working with them. "It's okay kid, I'm on your side."

"W-why would you be on m-my side? D-didn't they tell you what I am?"

"You're a Titan-shifter yeah. Damned good trick if you ask me."

"Huh?" The disbelief in his voice worries me. What had those animals been saying to him? What had they been calling him? I can only imagine the looks he'd been given, or harsh words thrwn his way by complete strangers. I'm suddenly very thankful for my well-kept secret.

"Listen kid, I don't care if you can turn into a Titan, a horse or dragon. Hanji told me what you managed to do in Trost, so as far as I'm concerned? You're all right."

"Th-thanks…"

"Nah, Eren, I'm pretty sure it's you who needs thanking." He doesn't respond, though I'm fairly sure I can hear him blushing. I snigger to myself at the idea. "By the way kid, did they mention who I am?"

"They t-told me a little. That you come from over the wall, and that you're not to be trusted." He states completely bluntly, but without malice. He's just repeating what he's told. I can just imagine Levi spouting this garbage, stoic face in place as he lies on and on. Malicious little… I sigh, and focus on my conversation. He seemed to be loosening up a bit, stammering less and breathing easier.

"You believe that, kid?"

"Not sure what to believe anymore. I only found out what I was a few days ago, everything's a bit messed up right now. But you seem okay to me."

"Very quick to judge, kid. Sorry… would you prefer I called you, Eren?"

"Up to you, either is better than Monster." He sighs, and I hear shackles shift about.

I sit down, and lean against the wall between our cells. The kid looked about 15 or so, at least he can't have been much older. He couldn't even comprehend the size of the world he was being penned in from. I suppose that was a small mercy. You couldn't miss something you'd never known. Though the idea of that small letch beating into him made me grit my teeth, my jaw aching soon after as I stifle my outrage. This kid was so open and honest, he hadn't hesitated once when talking to me, and come right out, and said he'd been warned against trusting me. How could someone this openly naïve be dangerous? I look at the lantern on the wall opposite my cell, and sigh.

"How long have you been down here, miss?"

"I haven't the faintest clue, Eren. I was sort of hoping you might be able to tell me. They didn't mention anything else about me per chance?" there's a pause, and an uneasy one, I sigh and give a laugh. "It's not your fault if they didn't mention anything, kid. I was just clutching at straws really."

"Sorry, they didn't say anything except what I already mentioned. Though Captain Levi seemed pretty steamed when he had to talk about you. Commander Erwin had to get him to go calm down."

"I do seem to get shorty's knickers in a twist."

There's another muffled snort and I roll my eyes at myself, I was going to get this kid into trouble wasn't I? Oh well, at least I was making someone smile before they left me here to rot. Or maybe they'd kill me straight off? Shorty had mentioned some kind of decision needing made. Perhaps it was whether to let me live or die. I groan. This was maddening. Was I soon to be freed, and begin my pointless training? Or was it all a ruse, and I was being held here indefinitely till I croaked it? I never had made it to the ocean…

"What's your name by the way?"

"Sorry kid, it's Alexia. You might as well know, at least someone worth a shit might as well know it."

"S-so what did you do?"

"I existed."

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

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* * *

"S-so what did you do?"

"I existed." I reply, laying my head against the stone wall.

This was all so messed up, even for this crazed world. I can practically hear the kids mind whirring away, trying to figure out what the hell I meant by that. To be honest I wasn't sure I should explain, the kid had enough to deal with right now. Did he really need a lamenting speech from a woman with my kind of issues? To know the fact that the Titans were the least of our troubles?

I smirk, no he probably didn't. But he'd ask anyway.

What I really wanted to do, was talk to him about his powers. He'd only learned recently, the other day I think he said. Such a big thing for such a young kid. And in the middle of this military mess. Not a great way to discover it. I wanted to help him, he was one like me, I'd never met another shifter. It was the first time, in far too many years, that I'd genuinely felt compelled to try and help. And yet I couldn't. There could well be a guard sat in the far corner, having been listening the entire time. I suddenly feel very selfish.

"Are y-you a shifter too?" he asks, almost hopefully. I grit my teeth, and push away the little twinge of guilt.

"No, kid." But then I smirk, laughing a little. "I'm an entirely different monster."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm the monster they fear the most. Someone they can't control." I laugh louder, and hear the door open far off. But the low voices remain far away too, they must be discussing something at the top of the stairs. Preparing their script? I clench my teeth. So much time was being wasted. "But don't fret kid, I'll be out of the way soon enough. They'll get bored, and kill me soon."

"K-Kill you? Why would they do that?"

"Already said that bit, Eren, do keep up. They can't control me."

"H-How long did you live outside the walls?" I'm confused by his question, wondering what it has to do with the discussion, but perhaps he just doesn't like to discuss death. To be fair, he was a kid. I was perhaps being a bit morbid. It was nothing new, but talking to a kid was.

"Ten years, round about."

"Y-You survived for ten years outside the walls!"

"No I'm actually a ghost, OooOoo."

"Surely you would be a great addition to the cause?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

"Don't you _want_ to help?" he sounds outraged. However, I'm not sure if he's more annoyed by the prospect of them killing me needlessly, or the fact I might not want to help the Corps mission. This kid was so pure, I felt dirty all over. I mean, I was fairly dirty all over, but this was a more metaphorical filth. I hadn't felt guilt in a long time, and this kid was smothering me in it. Damn.

"Always thinking of the cause eh, Eren?"

"Kinda… yeah… why wouldn't I?" he sucks his breath through his teeth. "We have to kill them, we have to reclaim our world. Y-You could help with that."

"Why the hell do you want to help the bastards that currently have you chained to the wall? Are you a masochist, or something?"

"I don't. I want to avenge my Mother, I want to see the Ocean, I want to be free."

"Don't we all…" I breathe, wondering what awful things this kid had already seen.

I remember Hanji mentioning he had come from Shiganshina, this kid had probably seen way more than he should have. But he seemed resilient. I suppose he had to be, considering what he'd just discovered about himself. I remember my own confusion on discovering it. It had been a nightmare, despite it being during a time of peace. I look down at my hands, and remember the way my hatred had been poisoning me as I dwelt down here in the darkness. Even now, I'd found a part of myself I didn't fully know, or understand; what the hell was this kid feeling? I was afraid I might lose myself to hate, but this kid was probably more afraid of killing all his friends by accident. Perspective really gives you a kick in the face when it wants to.

"Look, Eren. I already agreed to serve in the Corps."

"Yeah? Then why would they—"

"I don't understand much more than you do, kid. Funny thing is, I can deal with Titans no problem, its mankind that trips me up."

"You talk like you prefer them to us."

"It's not a case of preference, kid. It's which causes me less strife, and which wants to hold me back more. Titans aren't caging me, humans are."

"That's not true."

"Yeah it is Eren, you might get it one day but…" a door closes far off, show time?

"But what?"

"Do me a favour Eren? Fight for your reasons, not theirs? And keep in mind that as soon as you've given your all, and done all that you can for them? They will turn on you in a second. You're able to turn into the thing in this world they can neither understand, nor contain, so as soon as your usefulness is worn through? They'll kill you in a second."

"Why're you saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you'll never get another chance?"

"A perceptive little shit at times aren't ya?" I chuckle, getting up and brushing myself down as the Commander strolls into view. Not a hair is out of place, and he gives a curt nod. Business as usual. Yet still I can't be sure whether or not Levi was lying. I haven't felt doubt in a long time either, in the outside world there wasn't much time for it. Everything was black and white, right and wrong, alive or dead, day or night. Here though, the world became murky and uncertain. Like trying to get a firm grasp on fog.

"Evening… Morning… Time of day, gents. Well… Gent and Levi."

"Good evening Miss Senefold. I see you've met Eren Jeager."

"I've talked to him yeah, but not formally introduced, handshakes don't work well through walls." I quip with a wink, I can practically hear Eren holding his breath. He's a kid, and therefore scared to death of these two men. I however am not. I lie – I do fear Levi, but not out of sheer intimidation, when you have a man's boot-print branded into your stomach, it's a little understandable. I think.

I approach the bars, holding the Commanders gaze. His face is an unreadable as Levi's, yet in a slightly less angry manner. He was definitely the more cunning of the two. But how cunning? Could those big blue eyes really have fooled me? I peer closer, but he remains straight-faced. Perhaps he could fool me. To the man's credit he was good at composure. And to my defence, I was a little rusty at even talking with people, let alone reading between their lines.

I see no emotion in this Commander's face.

There's no compassion, no sympathy, and certainly no empathy.

In fact I wonder if there's any humanity left.

Was this what serving in the Survey Corps did to you?

I look between them, both blank, both withheld to the point that, if it weren't for that fact I can see them breathing, I'd consider them dead. Was that what was waiting for me? Even if he had been sincere about his deal? I look down at my hands again, these hands weren't meant to dwell in chains. I was nothing special. But dammit, none of us were meant to be caged. We were meant to roam, we were meant to be curious, and discover things. Chains didn't allow such wonder, a life spent in chains might as well be a short one. Then I smirk.

Maybe that was why people joined the Survey Corps.

They knew life wasn't meant to be spent inside a wall, so they switched a pen for gilded chains, and fought till the last, short-lived breath. The Wings of Freedom. You fought, you died, but you got to fly, and taste sweet freedom. Even if it was fleeting. Perhaps it being fleeting was best, that way you didn't have your heart emptied like these two. I knew their names, I'd heard of their work; fuck sake, they were living legends. They'd lived too long in this torturous world, and seen too much of its reality, and so, now they had turned to stone. But stone was stubborn, and they both shared that undeniable fervour for what they did. Even Eyebrows had that going for him. Therefore, even though I hated them, and would happily watch them die. I can't think of them as petty, I can't think of them the way I think of the politicians and merchants. Not really. They were callous bastards, but they did at least have the balls to fight.

I chuckle, and scrape back my hair; small spaces made my brain think outside boxes.

I'll see where the truth lies, but I know as I stand there and look from grey to blue, I know by the end of today I'd taste freedom. One way or the other. They can keep me locked up, but there was plenty sharp edges in here, if they tried to test me, I'd cheat.

Silence.

The Commander's eyes flicker to the cell next to me. The kid stays silent. I can understand it. If I was as young, and unaware as Eren, I might feel inclined to stay on Erwin's good side. But I've already doubted that he has one. It didn't matter if I held all the properness of a dedicated Cadet, or treated him like any other sleaze bucket; he'd still look down on me. Therefore, I wasn't about to pander to this blondie's ego. I imagined Levi did that enough, kneeling down and drooling all the while.

My smirk broadens.

"So then, to what do I owe this odious honour?"

"I have come to discuss the terms of our deal."

"And why do I sense a backtrack coming? Perhaps you _were_ telling the truth Levi?" I look to him but he just looks to the side, expression blank as he leans against the wall. It was astounding that this man could turn from stone cold blank, to fiery fury in the blink of an eye. I'd find it impressive if it wasn't so damned terrifying. That shred of respect I had found for him, was withering a little. He had drive; but he also had a long leash on, firmly attached to Erwin.

There's a slight furrow to Erwin's brow. I tilt my head and pout.

"Are you unable to continue our deal? Did the higher-ups stop you?"

"Miss—"

"Basically, it was all bullshit, and you never intended for me to leave this cell, yeah?"

"Miss Se—"

"Alexia is fine, my family name isn't needed right now. You don't care that I have a family, _especially_ having got my name, and found out how damned worthless it is. Right?"

He frowns, and glances at his subordinate. Levi doesn't react. I keep my nerve. Either Levi had given the game away too soon, or, and this was the preferred option, Levi had spouted a load of shit. I wanted to know, but I wasn't about to beg. But as the silence ticks on I feel my nerve twitch. I set my jaw and make my demand. It wasn't begging, it was ordering. There was a difference somewhere, just give my pride a minute to find it.

"Just tell me. Was it all a lie, or does the deal actually stand?"

I drape my arms over the bars tiredly. I was all for having a fight with them, but at this point I was feeling exhausted. I'd been torn down, beaten up, caged and fooled, it was a long fall from the canopy. I really did seem to be hitting every branch on the way down. All that was left was impacting with the cold hard earth. I do wish I'd get one last chance to use my power though; once you got past the pain, and disorientation, it was a feeling unlike any other. Power. Such power.

"What difference does it make to you right now?" snorts Levi, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Making demands, when you haven't even complied with ours."

I look at him and hiss lowly, he narrows his eyes back.

"I told you my name, I agreed to serve in the Corps, what other demands had you? I have given you everything, despite being given _nothing_ in return. Except for bruising."

"You only gave it up, after I kicked the shit out of you."

"Yes, and you're very proud of that, aren't you _Captain._ Now then, tell me. I like to know where I stand, you can at least give me that surely?"

"At our mercy. That's where you fucking stand, so watch your mouth." He snaps. I look at Erwin, and raise a brow.

"You feel like speaking for yourself there, Erwin? Or is your dog taking over the barking for now?"

"We came here to explain. Kindly listen." He murmurs, a dark look clouding his blue eyes. I hadn't expected malice from the Golden Boy, but I remain where I am, seemingly unfazed. His anger seems to be at both of us, I wonder if he feels like hitting our heads together. Like a mother hen or something. I instantly imagine him in an apron, nagging away as his hair is in curlers. I stifle my laughter, and give a bored yawn.

"Okay, I'm listening. Spout your lies."

"I'm not entirely sure where this hostility has come from Alexia, but I came here to explain the terms of your release." My heart quickens, but I stay stoic. "You will be escorted to new quarters by Sqaud Leader Hanji, when she arrives in a few minutes. That will be where you stay, with a guard outside your door. From there you will live amongst the cadets and learn our ways, as well as begin your training."

"Truly?"

"Truly." He says, looking offended at my insinuation. I find this laughable, we hardly had trust between us, so why look so shocked? He had knowingly let Levi torture me, and kept me locked away in the damp darkness for weeks, if not months by now. Then left me without any real indication of when I'd be released. I think that accounted for me being a little hostile. And right now, I was barely being testy. I click my tongue and smirk, that was clearly only half the terms. I'd prefer to have them all in one go.

"So you had to come explain that… why?"

"I didn't want you thinking I was no longer watching you,"

"Kinky…"

"I am not a fool Alexia, I am well aware you are not to be trusted yet." He steps forward, and looms over me, "However, I believe you will be a valuable addition to our cause, and therefore I am giving you some leash. Even think of strangling me with it, and I will not hesitate to cut you loose."

"Obey, or die. Keeps it simple I guess." I shrug, trying to ignore the shivering building at the base of my spine. Damn he was tall, I felt like an ant staring down a bear. But I don't show it, I won't let him know my anxiety. He could know some weaknesses, but dammit I wouldn't make myself into an open book. "And who'll be doing the killing, if I was stupid enough to try and escape straight away? Which I'm not, by the way, but out of idle curiosity?"

"Whoever's closest." Murmurs Levi quietly, and I feel the ice crawl up my back. Damn, I hated the fact he made me afraid. I hated it to my core. But there was a want there, lingering under the surface, I knew he wanted to do it. I wondered if he'd imagined killing me, as many times as I had him. I meet his gaze, and feel the hatred burn between us. He hated me for being alive, and in truth I guessed that was why I hated him. He was alive, because I hadn't been able to kill him yet.

I then look back to Erwin to look him up and down.

"And that's it? You'll train me up and use me, like any other Cadet?"

"You'll serve as any other Cadet. Yes,"

"C'mon Blondie, I ain't your hair-colour, what else?" I hold his gaze, and try to ignore his feeble attempts at intimidation, this prick just didn't get it did he? By this point, the amount of fucks I had left to give, were dwindling down to zilch. He then pinches the bridge of his nose and looks up.

"You'll be questioned on how you survived, and lived beyond the walls for so long. Along with any other information, we think you can provide."

"And there we have it…" I laugh, shaking my head and beginning to pace along the bars. "That's what you really want. You'll dress me up in the uniform, let me wander around, chat to people, explain how I learned the gear, and even do a bit of killing for you. But I bet, as soon as I have given you all the info I can? You'll toss me aside with the rest of the damned corpses."

"Why would I waste a valuable soldier?" asks Erwin, frowning deeply. I look at him with my brows raised. His priorities were noble, but still ever so slightly fucked up. Then again, perhaps as Commander he had to try and consider his Cadets as pawns, as simply armour swinging a sword, without a person inside.

"I really feel like you should have said, human life? But hey ho, beggars can't be choosers. You would waste me, if I become too much trouble."

"Your point? Rat."

"At what point do I become too much trouble? Because I'll save you some time, I am not good with orders, I won't be saluting every five seconds, and I may or may not bother with the _YES SIR, NO SIR,_ shit. I'll do as I'm told when it makes sense, but the second someone is telling me to do something stupid? I'll be ignoring that retard, quicker than you can raise a brow Erwin. Got it? So if that's too much of an issue. Slice me open here, because I didn't change for the rest of humanity, so I ain't changing for you."

"Finished?" he drawls, and I lean back with an openly impressed smirk. Erwin had some sass after all. Really it suited him better than the scowl.

"Yup. I've said my piece."

"If you do your job, and kill Titans, whilst informing us of what we want to know, I care little for what you do."

"Oh really? Nice to be part of such a close-nit team."

"As long as you don't endanger anyone, do as you please. We are in fact a close-nit team, you however have made it perfectly clear, it isn't one you wish to be part of. Do your job, and everything will be fine."

"Or you could let me go, and get this all over with?"

"As a protector of Humanity, I can't knowingly, let you wander off alone into Titan territory."

" _For my own protection_ , right?"

"Indeed."

I just shake my head, and go to sit on my bed, laughing under my breath. He actually believed that horse-shit that he just said. He really thought he was doing me a favour, by restraining me. I put my head in my hands. At least Levi had been lying, Erwin wasn't that cold, he had in fact meant it when he promised me partial freedom. This situation was shit, and it made me sick to think I'd be helping those sleazy merchants, and the shit of the patriarchy, but I'd just focus on my task. Don't think about who this is benefitting, except yourself. Don't get attached to anyone. Don't get in Erwin's way. Try not to kill Levi too soon.

It was all simple enough.

"All right Erwin, we have a deal. Shall I just sit here, and wait for Hanji?"

"I think that would be best… although… Cadet Alexia?"

"Just Alexia _please,_ Golden Boy."

"Very well, Alexia. You will refer to me as Erwin, if you cannot manage sir. I won't have you undermining me in front of the other cadets. Consequences will be applied if you do not comply."

"Oh, you going to discipline me?" I snigger, but as the darkness returns to his gaze I shift a little uneasy, and dip my head. Shit, blondie had claws. I nod and lie back, ignoring the stare of little Levi before they both storm off and leave me to my thoughts.

* * *

I wait a lot longer than a couple minutes. At first I wonder if they've just pulled bullshit over my eyes once again, but then the guard comes down and explains Hanji has been delayed by her research. I try, and get some sleep, not thinking too hard about why Eren had suddenly become so quiet since the two Big Boys paid us that visit. But I don't press the kid. If he wanted some quiet, I wasn't about to object.

When Hanji does eventually turn up, the next morning, she has strange singe patches, and stains on her face and clothes. What the hell had the woman been doing? But as I open my mouth to ask, I decide I probably don't want to know. She leads me up, and out of the cells. It's still inside the HQ, but the sunrise still makes me stagger a little. Shit was the outside world always this damn bright? I feel like I have a hangover, as I brace myself against the wall, waiting for my eyes to adjust. I hear a snigger from the guard sent to accompany us. Oh man, this is not the woman you want to be mocking right now. I was doing well to deny the urge to transform right here, and stick to my word on serving, but I wasn't a saint. I have plenty people I want to kill, and I can easily practise on your stupid self.

"Something funny fuck-face?"

"Seems like Erwin picked one hell of a new recruit, staggering already." He sounds bitter, and fairly young. I wonder if Eren is the only person, except Hanji, that I wasn't going to fantasise about murdering.

"And you must be one hell of a Cadet, sent to babysit me. If I'm shit, what does that make you? Hm?" and I see the world clear at last. The prick, with a dusting of freckles across his nose, a smug little baby-face, and strawberry-blonde hair, blushes a little now and looks to the ground. That's right, don't start a sass match unless you're willing to finish it. Prat.

Hanji tugs on my arm, and leads me through the endless corridors. How big was this damned place? I feel like we've been walking for hours when we finally stop outside a plain wooden door. The entire corridor is lined with them, so I assume this is a dormitory.

"You'll be staying in here, kiddo."

She opens the door, and I enter the small box room. It was basically a better lit cell. But with a window instead of bars. I sigh, I should try and focus on the little things. It was all that was going to get me through this shit-show. I had no idea where this damned base was, or how far away from wall Rose we were. Until I did, staying put was the only option. Either that or I'd be taken down in minutes. I was scary in my Titan form, but these guys were good at what they did. I knew that well enough from watching them. I was eager to be free, but I wasn't really eager to be dead. I consider my alternate plan, had Erwin actually lied to me, and fooled me. Death had been an option, but it had been one held as a last resort. I truly doubt I'd have actually done it anyway, I was too much of a survivor to do that. Or too much of a coward, depending who you asked.

I stare at the little bed before me. Hanji puts supplies at the end of it; a small pile of uniform, a few bits of civilian clothing, and some leather straps. But I keep staring at the bed. It was a real bed with a proper mattress, pillow and full set of blankets. Holy shit; that was going to feel weird. I'd slept up in a tree for so long, I wonder how falling out of bed even feels like. I can't remember it. I'm almost looking forward to it.

"It's a bed, not a fucking torture implement."

"Depends who you share it with." I snap back at the shorty's comment.

I didn't know when he'd turned up, but there he was, standing across from the doorway in the hall. Foot up against the wall as he leaned there, staring me down blankly. I wonder where this ass's room is. I try to ignore him, and turn to my one ally currently present.

"So Hanji, I can walk around HQ but have to have my guard right?"

"Yup, that's the terms." She says and smiles, well aware that I'm mainly asking because I want to know if Levi will get the chance to knock me off sooner rather than later. I wonder if he would actually go so far, as to commit murder. But as I glance at those unyielding silver bullets I know he would. Whoever it was he had lost, they must've been important. I wonder if I look like them, or like the person that killed them maybe? Oh god, I hope I don't look like the Titan. That would just be gross. Those underdeveloped guys had such weird faces.

I turn back to Hanji, and rub my wrists.

"And no handcuffs?"

"You want be chained up?" He snorts, eyes cast to the side. I turn to him and put a hand on my hip. He was just itching for a fight wasn't he? I think back to his reaction of me mentioning his supposed love-life. I don't know if it's the fact I can feel the rising sun on my back, or that I can walk around a little freer, but suddenly I feel a bit bold. I look him up and down slowly, and tilt my head.

"Oh yes _please_ Captain, tie me down in chains, you _know_ you want to."

"I haven't had my shots yet, fuck knows what I'd catch from you." He sneers, getting up and marching over to me. He's a couple inches taller than me, and I think he enjoys the presumably rare opportunity, to literally look down at someone. I hope I buttoned this shirt properly.

"Haven't had your shots? How irresponsible, you could get the Commander sick."

"Do you want another kick in the gut?"

"How would you like a punch in the dick? If I can find the damn thing."

"In case you forgot, _rat_. You agreed to serve in this Corps, therefore, I am your superior. You will learn to obey. You will also learn to mind that tongue of yours. Fucking disgusting."

"Never mind my tongue, Captain, ya pervert. And listen, you may be my superior on paper, love, but that's it."

"You're an arrogant little shit, you know that?"

"And you're a bitter old fuck, in need of a lay, you're pent up tighter than a goat's arse."

I hear Hanji snort behind me, but I keep holding his gaze as his eyes flash a little. He wants to snap my neck right now, I can see his hand twitch, just itching to take hold of my throat and make it go pop.

"You want to do it so badly don't you?" I whisper, edging closer and whispering into his ear as he tenses. "You want to wrap those hands round my skinny little neck and squeeze, harder and _harder_ till you've strangled the life out of me. Till I'm just gasping, desperate for release."

I'm pretty sure he just shuddered? Or did I just laugh?

"Well too bad shorty, Erwin has things he wants to learn from me. So go strangle something else, and wait your turn. Although…" I chuckle against his ear, a tingling sensation arising from the almost contact, "You might want to make sure when the time comes, I don't beat you to it."

He growls and backs off, grimacing as he turns and marches away. A door slams nearby. Is that his room? I feel the tension around me, and glance at my guard waiting just beyond the doorway. He's red in the face, and I wonder how well his trousers fit right now. Ignoring the little guard, I turn back to Hanji and grin broadly. This was going to be fun after all. Even she's blushing a little, fiddling with her glasses as I walk back over and plop myself down on the bed.

"So, kiddo… you're in here, in these nice quarters because Erwin wants you to actually want to stay here, so… so I'm here to look out for you. And try to keep you in-check, and as happy as possible."

"Hanji?"

"Mm?"

"Why is it Erwin is so eager to have me in his regiment?"

"What do you mean? Didn't he explain?"

"Kind of… But he doesn't know me, he's only seen a little of my gear skills. Why is he riding so much on me?"

"Because, like Jeager, you have presented a new edge for him. A new ally he can utilise. For Erwin, it's all about the mission. Oh and Alex? _Please_ don't get me reprimanded by murdering shorty in his sleep?"

"For your sake, and your sake alone? Fine, Hanji. I'll _not_ murder him in his sleep."

"Or when he's awake!" She says with wide eyes and grin, an accusing finger jabbing at my shoulder. I roll my eyes and hold up my hands as she finds my loophole. "Thanks Alexia. I'll let you settle in a little? We start your training as soon as you like."

"Let's go then."

"Huh?" she turns at the door. I get up and shrug, looking round the empty room with arms swinging about. The woman was brilliant, but a little dense at times. She still hadn't mentioned the blood, but I had resolved to wait until she did. Seemed the easiest way. She was talking, and joking with me, so if she _did_ know, she was cool with it. And if she _didn't_ know, then all was well.

"What do I have to unpack? I don't even own the clothes I'm wearing. Let's go kick the shit out of each other Hanji."

"I thought we'd start with dummies?"

"Didn't think shorty would train with me so quickly…" I walk past her, and wait a couple seconds for her to realise my meaning, and burst into little titters of laughter. The woman was adorable.

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 **Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, and I'll see you guys next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again! Please review, follow or favourite if the mood takes you.**

 **I would like to thanks those that are making the effort to re-read, you continued support is amazing, I hope you're not disappointed.**

 **Again, the MAJOR alterations come later, but there are new conversations and snippets of monologue concerning the alterations to Alex's character, for those of you re-reading. How she holds herself back and whatnot. You get the jist...**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

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The compound feels so open, and huge that I stagger a little in the heat. The morning sun is already relentless as it bounces up off the dirt, and back in my face. I look around at the other cadets training, they're all dressed like me, but seem to immediately know that I'm not one of them. Did I have a big sign floating above my head: this one isn't to be trusted, watch her, she might just slice your throat open? I wonder how scared of me they are, or did they just think I was a little rat? I kick a stone, this was so much bullshit fitted into a small situation. It was beginning to overflow.

"So you sure you're okay, starting with hand-to-hand?" chirps Hanji, hopping a little. She was eager to learn how talented I was or not, I guess. Unfortunately I wasn't sure which way this would go.

I'm not fully aware of how skilled I am in hand-to-hand to be fair; you don't exactly square off with a Titan. Fists don't do much to something the size of a building. And when I was in my own Titan form I just grabbed, bit into the neck that was usually the end of it. Titans weren't, as a general rule, well trained in martial arts. I sigh, and shrug as we head over to a small patch of the compound marked with little rings. There's some steps behind us, and I glance back to see a few curious Cadets gathering. Oh fuck no. I didn't want an audience to this, come back when I'm on the gear; that was supposedly what I was impressive with! I stop and turn to them, they all stagger a little at my sudden turnabout. Boo.

"Fuck off." I snap. They look about themselves, not sure whether it was an order, or even something they should listen to. I lean forward and tilt my head. "Now."

"Look, lady, we just wanna see what all the fuss is about you."

"Well then you'll just have to wait, it isn't my hand-to-hand, sorry kiddies. Come back tomorrow when I'm doing the gear shit. Now then, I repeat myself, fu—"

"Senefold." A low voice barks and I look to the heavens, please no Brow-lord, I was trying to be good. Don't start pushing my buttons.

He marches through the crowd of Cadets, without paying them much heed. He looms over me, and looks to the ring where Hanji now waits, stretching and jumping about with little chirps of conversation to herself. I look over my shoulder, then back at the Golden boy, brow raised in question.

"I'm going to train with Hanji, what's wrong with that?"

"The Cadets are curious, humour them." He rumbles, a weird smile in place. I click my tongue, and shake my head. He seems displeased, but unfortunately for him, I really don't care. "Is everything going to be a confrontation with you?"

"Only when you're being a mor—" I stop myself, and take a deep breath, well aware his little ego didn't want me undermining his 'authority' in front of his herd of sheep. "I simply don't want an audience to the area of my skills unrefined."

"Excuse me?"

"I have no idea if I'm any good at hand-to-hand?" I summarise with another click of my tongue, it was becoming a coping mechanism against stupidity. He looks to the ring, and then to the side towards the Cadets. I feel like I'm going to see smoke in a minute. But then he smiles, no correction, he sneers. My back raises a little, what was this sharp little mind thinking now?

"I still don't see the problem, _Cadet_. Get on with your training."

"The point? In them seeing this?"

"They can learn so much, from the great and wonderful Senefold right?"

I narrow my eyes at him. That was the game eh? Have the other Cadets see that I wasn't such a big deal, and take me down a peg or two? Seemed a little odd after it was him that insisted I lend my talents to the cause. Then again, was this the only option he had thus far figured out, as a way to control me?

Oh honey, you foolish little bunny.

I smile, and straighten up with the sweetest smile I can conjure. It probably came across as more threatening as anything.

"By your admission sir. After all, it was _you_ that insisted I join, so it was _your_ call that I was worth the trouble. Therefore, if I'm shite in that ring, it reflects poorly on _your_ judgement. Doesn't it?" I lean in, and hiss. " _Sir_?"

"Go train, Cadet."

"Disperse that crowd." I whisper, my teeth being bared just a little as my temper continues to flare.

My resolve on withholding my transformation is wavering. None of them are equipped right now, and there is a convenient patch of woodland a mere few hundred yards away. I could just… I stop myself, and throw the thought aside. It was pointless. With no idea where I am in relation to the wall, it was all pointless. Plus my healing was still on the damn fritz, so for all I know I'd just puff out steam and stand a few inches taller. Both embarrassing myself, and revealing the fact I'm a shifter.

Damn this body, why wouldn't it simply obey?

I look at the frown Erwin is giving me; I'm sure there's a similar thought going through his head as well.

I will not be your pawn, Erwin Smith. I may be here to pay back what little I stole, and I may be here under your jurisdiction, but I am by no means, yours. I am me, and you cannot take that. I will not be broken like the rest of these dogs. They gave their hearts to this cause, I however had chains wrapped round mine. You hold it, but it isn't yours. I want to scream all this at him, pummelling that smugly chiselled face into the dust beneath our feet. But I don't. For some reason he seemed to be well respected, and liked amongst his subordinates. They really must be stupid.

"Your choice Erwin."

"Don't push me, Senefold."

"Right back at you, _sir._ " I can't keep the venom from my voice whenever that slips past my lips. This glorified slave trader was no sir, in my book. At least with Levi you knew you were dealing with a prick, it was plain to see for the whole damned world. But with Erwin? I still didn't fully understand what I was dealing with. This was why I preferred dealing with Titans. For all their size, and power, ultimately they were simple creatures. They wandered, they mumbled, they existed to hunt humans. Not for food, for sport. It was sick, but it was straightforward.

Humans were messy.

I smirk as he turns, and disperses the crowd with an angry order. The Cadets glance between him, and me, all confused as how the situation just flipped. When their gaze lingers on me, I raise a brow, and wave them off, sneering all the while. That's right sweethearts, do as told, Daddy has given his orders. They do as bid, albeit with pouts in place, and so I turn and head over to Hanji who is mumbling whilst tapping her chin.

"Ready Hanji? Or would you prefer to be left alone to finish your conversation?"

"No need to be sarky with me, Kiddo. I'm not the enemy. I'm a fellow abnormal." She bows low and I blush a little, "It's okay, I get that Erwin's grating on you."

"Really? I thought I was being so subtle." I glance back at the HQ but the blonde bastard is long gone. She sighs heavily and I look back at her, "When you say abnormal…"

"Look kiddo, I know you're not the Colossal, and I know you're not able to shift yet." She shrugs and enters a fighting stance. Either that or she has bad gas.

"But… why haven't you said anything to him?"

"Because whilst I respect Erwin, I also know his head gets awfully one tracked at times." She begins to circle me, and I shift accordingly. "We'll go through a few basic manoeuvres whilst you get the questions out the way, m'kay kiddo?"

"Sounds like a good plan…"

"No need to sound so surprised, thanks a bunch. Just keep circling, or he'll be suspicious." She speaks so calmly, not even a glance over at the HQ. I feel like every window has a set of peering eyes behind it now, waiting for us to slip up. "How big is your Titan form? Jeager's is sixteen metre as far as we know."

"I don't really know… but I have been able to look over the top of the canopy once. It changes… depends on what I want at the time."

" _Fascinating._ " She hisses, eyes flashing a little.

This goes on for a while. Her questions come, and I fire back the answers as quick, and concise as I can. _Can you communicate with other Titans?_ I've only ever met normal Titans, and I can't with them, but I don't know about shifters. _Do other Titans hunt you?_ Occasionally. _Do Titans fear you?_ After I've pummelled another one in front of them, sometimes. She mainly asks things about me in reference to other Titans, so I'm not too bothered. Any questions that get too close to personal, I dodge or ask that we pass. I don't want to downplay my gratitude, but thankfully she understands my reserve. The more information I give away about my ability, the more she knows how to kill me. Or what to tell Erwin, how to kill me.

"I think that'll do for now… thanks, kiddo… I can't believe you were so open!"

"You've saved my hide Hanji, I owe you a lot."

"I guess… right… let's get on with your training."

"Okay… Hanji, I pretty much fight in instinct, I have _no_ technique."

"Okay, well we'll see what instinct gets you. Then we'll go from there. Though…"

"What?"

"Nothing…" she then gestures me forward, wanting me to make the first move.

Okay, I could do this.

I ready myself, and aim to knock her elbow back, to smack her in the ribs. I lunge, catch it, but she spins round and hits my back with her other elbow. I feel my lungs empty. Shit, she was fast. I was underestimating her. I stumble, but ready myself, and duck from her spin kick. I punch up at her knee, sending her back a bit. As she stumbles I reach out, grab her flailing hand, wrench it forward and bring my knee up. It cracks her right in the face, and she rolls away, grumbling in irritation.

I hope I didn't break her glasses…

But then she's coming at me again, and I flip back, to spin on the ground and punch out at her. But my hand is kicked away, and as I spin with the force, she pins me to the floor, face down in the dirt as she grips the back of my neck. The nape of my neck. Damn woman. This was why I didn't want an audience. I was fucking useless. I tap the floor, indicating the spar was done, and that I conceded.

"You really not had any training, Kiddo?" she laughs, brushing herself down. I stare at her, unsure of whether she's mocking me or not. She polishes her –thankfully – undamaged glasses, and then notices my silence. She then flinches back, raising her hands in surrender. "Seriously, not taking the piss!"

"Oh… okay. No, none. Isn't that clear from the fact I'm useless?"

"You managed to make me stumble! Not many Cadets can do that, y'know? I'm a decent fighter Alex, it's understandable that you wouldn't be instantly able to take me on. But you have good instincts, not entirely surprising considering… but all you need is a polish and you'll be good to go! And yes I mean it."

I squint at her, still waiting on the punchline.

"Kiddo, I meant it. But… ugh… you're not gonna like it, but really I'm not the one to be doing this. I only brought you out here to get you warmed up."

"Who is meant to be teaching me then?"

"Me, you little shit."

"Sweet Mother of the fucking Walls, _no_." I groan throwing my arms up at the heavens, demanding to know why they had to test my thinning patience this much. I'd already promised Hanji I wouldn't kill him, and that just took all the damn fun out of the situation. Along with this was the fact I could feel the potential re-entering my body. With the pain this man could inflict, I wasn't 100% certain I would manage to avoid transforming.

"Deal with it, rat."

"Is it rat, or brat? You keep changing that sick little mind of yours." I snap, turning and ignoring the fizz in my mind. No nerves, just now, you will man up and deal with it.

"Depends on the situation, _rat._ " He snarls, shrugging off his coat and loosening his cravat to lay it on top. Didn't want to get his fanciness messy. What a prissy little goblin he was. And yet still, my shivering begins, despite my best attempts. "Go on, Shitty-Glasses, you can get back to your paperwork."

"Can't I stay, and watch?" she pouts, quickly narrowing her eyes at me. I think she half wants to avoid her paperwork, and half wants to ensure I don't go back on my promise. I guess she wasn't around for my speech about my thing about promises. Unfortunately it was a binding contract as far as I was concerned, although that didn't mean I couldn't maim him. If I didn't crumble into a pathetic whimpering ball in the next 30 seconds. Or on the other hand, give into instinct, and let my eighteen metre self, deal with the loathsome man. It'd be so fun to step all over him.

"I'll keep my promise Hanji." I sigh, and shrug off my coat, seeing no point in getting his stinking blood all over it. That was if I even managed to land a hand on him. I guessed from his size, and build he was fast, like a little bullet fired from Erwin's gun. I laugh to myself as I fold my coat; it was too easy to joke about those two. I wonder if they argue like a married couple.

"What promise?" He mutters, rolling up his sleeves. Hanji blushes, and begins to walk away. "Oi! Shit-Four-Eyes! I asked you a damn question."

"Girl talk Shorty, just don't hurt her too much m'kay? She has gear practise tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah… thought you were meant to be some kind of big deal?" he nods towards me, chin jutted out as he scans me from head to toe.

I sigh and stretch my arms with a shrug. This was getting a little unfair, everyone seemed more than happy to infer that it had been _me_ to claim I was some kind of miracle warrior, appearing from the mist of the horizon to help the glorious battle for mankind. What a load of shit. Erwin dragged me here, and shackled me in place, I had claimed nothing but my want for freedom. This was not my doing. But it was now my burden.

Humanity sucked sometimes.

"Erwin's claim, not mine. Now then, what exactly are you going to teach me?"

"How to not be absolutely useless in a ring."

"Okay, grand master of beating the shit out of people, teach me, turn me into a thug like you." I hold my arms out, ready for all his wisdom to be laid down. I hope he ignores the way my fists shake slightly.

Despite his grumblings and protestations, he taught me plenty as the day drew on into the afternoon. And all while staying fairly far away from me. This helps my damned anxiety. He shows me the proper way to stand, the way to properly throw punch. Hell I think he just helped my posture as well. He taught me the proper way to dodge, and a decent form of kicking. All the while I kept my smirk hidden; it seemed ironic that he was in fact training me in the art of how to kick the shit out of him. He was loading a cannon, to then go stand in front of it. Though it would still be some time before this cannon would be fired, he was a damn good fighter.

"Where'd you learn to fight, anyway?" I ask as we take a breather. He pauses, and looks at me sideways, before shaking his head and shrugging. The rat wasn't allowed to know that yet I guess. And then he walks towards me. I freeze. The pestering fear blazes and my vision swims. His eyes narrow, but as he comes closer I'm shuddering all over. He frowns, and reaches out. Suddenly he's silhouetted against dying lanterns, stale air engulfs me and I taste blood on my tongue. His angry voice rings in my ears, and my blood fizzes. I need to run. I need to change.

" _No_!" I gasp, flinching back, with a small whimper escaping. He stands there, staring down at me with a look that almost looks like disbelief. The fizz rings in my ears, and I fight it. My muscles ache, longing to burst forth, and reclaim my power. But I can't. Not now, and not here. And then I feel my own bout of disbelief. Had I seriously just done that? Flinching back like a damned coward. I clear my throat, and straighten up. "S-sorry… what were you going to do?"

"Apply the theory to… practise." He sighs, and clicks his tongue. "Just practise throwing those moved I showed you, aim at my hands. I won't move, brat."

"Oh… okay… you want me t-to…" I grit my teeth, and stomp my foot slightly. He's watching me, and he backs up a step, making it look like he's just shifting his weight. But I feel like I can see the waves of pity. Damn it. If I was a rat before, now I must be a very greasy mouse. "Hit your hands right? Kicks, and all?"

"Yeah, the lot. Don't hold back."

I do as he commands, hits cracking off his hands again and again. Eventually he stops me, rubbing his bruising hands as I catch my breath. I think that was a good sign? He hadn't said I'd done shit, so it seemed a fair enough assumption to hope I was at least on the right track. But then he has some notes; just posture, and power release. But as he gives demonstrations, the fear intensifies. It creeps up my spine as I saw the power lingering in that lean body of his. How was I not dead?

"You done staring yet? Creep." He mutters as he rounds off his explanation. I stare at the ground, sweat drenching me all over after the day long slog of training. My stomach growls. He huffs, and runs a hand through his raven hair, looking at me in that bored way.

"Who was it that decided I should be allowed to live?"

"What're you mumbling about now, brat?"

"You could clearly have killed me with your bare hands, and you _clearly_ wanted to."

"And?" He snaps, and I'm glad that his pity hasn't got to the extent that he would pretend he hadn't wanted that. Because I know he wanted to. He'd been almost desperate to spill my blood.

"So why didn't you? Was it _your_ choice, or Erwin's order?"

"Why would Erwin want you dead? You're his new toy, idiot."

"Not my question. He would have to had specifically told you not to kill me, I'm guessing, you seem the type to look for a loophole if it'll get you the blood you want. So did he? Or did you decide on your own not to kill me?"

The question lingers as a breeze shifts the dirt beneath us, hissing as pebbles skim along. He stares at me, expression still blank as he thinks it through. His eyes show his thinking, flashing a little as an answer becomes clear, and then he sighs and purses his lips a little.

"And it matters why?"

"I want to know what kind of man is supposedly in charge of me."

"Erwin isn't easily read."

"Exactly, so answer my question."

"Why the fuck would I help you understand him?" he tugs on his coat, and slings his cravat round his neck loosely. I see that we're done, and so sit down heavily, my legs too tired to walk right now. I draw a pattern in the dirt, and shrug my shoulders.

"I just get the feeling not everything between you and the _Commander_ is all peaches and cream."

"Oh so insightful of you…" He sighs with an eye-roll.

"I just wondered if you'd help a gal out… it's a small ask Levi."

"I don't owe you anything, rat."

"Didn't claim you did. Just answer the question?"

"Don't think you know me, rat. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it." I sigh, and ruffle my sweaty fringe so it doesn't stick to my forehead.

"He gave no order." He snaps as he walks past me, and back towards the building.

I almost missed it, but he definitely said it.

I stare after him, and frown. Why the hell hadn't he killed me then? I remember the hate in his eyes, the want to kill me. It's what made me want to throw up from nerves. The power behind those strikes. The want for blood. And then I remember hearing Erwin's voice, telling him to leave me for the day… but it was true, he hadn't expressed any concern for my life. Then Hanji came down of her own accord, not by Erwin's orders either.

I take a fistful of dirt, and let it slide through my clawing fingers.

Erwin was well aware of the damage Levi could inflict, he had to be. So he had knowingly run the risk of me being killed. Presumably that was when I was still suspected of being the Colossal Titan.

I grind the last few specks of dirt between my fingers.

So if I did become too much trouble, he probably would kill me. He had assured me that wouldn't be the case. But as I watch the Captain walk away stiffly, before disappearing inside the HQ, I feel a chill. The only reason I was alive right now, was the self-restraint of Levi. For whatever reason he had decided not to kill me.

Shit.

That also meant I owed the little shit.

Yet another reason holding my power at bay.

So I had two cold hearted bastards looming over me. One in charge; impossible to read, or trust. He would use me for his cause, but cared not for my life outside of its usefulness. He was ruthless, and barely human. And the other? I shrug my coat on, and look at the crest on my shoulder. The other was a torn up little man, filled to the brim with hate, contempt and rage, but somehow there was a kindness there too? I shake my head. This made no damn sense.

I head in for dinner, and ignore the continued whispering, and irritating habits of the Cadets. I'm technically also a Cadet, but I immediately think of these snot-nosed children still whispering and giggling, when I hear that damned word. Fucking children. Why the hell were they even here? And then I stand in line, and realise as I have my meal handed over. They were all Humanity had to offer. Otherwise, everyone was too young, or too old to serve. Those of my age, and then of Levi and Erwin etc. we were a dying breed. I sit down alone, and play with my stew a little. I guess I hadn't noticed when I lived in amongst the people, I only saw the mothers and old business men. But it hadn't occurred to me then. I was a few years younger than the superiors, but I considered myself in their generation at least. A small generation we were now.

Shit this place was depressing.

And yet I hear so much laughter. I eat the stew, and stare at the table as I do. Chatter and laughter all around, despite the fact they had seen battle, and a lot of their friends die. They were still snot-nosed, but I had to try and keep in mind, they had at least joined the fight. They weren't just getting drunk in a pub, and wasting their existence. I nibble on my bread and sigh, this murky world was tiring. When things were black and white, it was so much easier. It burned a lot less energy.

"Excuse me…" a small voice says next to me, I jump; suddenly dragged off my odd little train of thought.

I turn and see a small girl with mousey brown hair, and a dusting of freckles, she was a little taller than me, but very slight. She was a solider? My mind continues to fizz, till I realise she's waiting for me to acknowledge her. I clear my throat, and nod to her, not bothering to smile as she looks at me with those slightly bleary brown eyes. Was she crying? Kid, I was _not_ the person to do that in front of. Emotions were not my area of expertise. In fact I was a bit of a dunce with them. Possibly even allergic.

"Yeah, kid?"

"I was wondering, a-are you the woman they s-say l-lived—"

"Over the walls yeah." The stuttering was fucking annoying. She jumps a little, but stays quiet. "Still would be if it weren't for this charming regiment. Why?"

"Did you ever see the soldiers left behind?"

"Bits of them, yeah." I say, and watch her cringe back, eyes shining more. Aw shit, was she seriously going to ask me about a friend of hers? Like I had a catalogue memory of all those severed heads, and discarded torsos? Well actually she wouldn't be far off, I remembered the faces. Those weren't something easily forgotten. No matter how cold I was, they were still people. I bite down on my tongue, and try to make myself remember this was probably a kid of… seventeen at most? Talking about death so nonchalantly, probably wasn't the wisest idea. Then I would have a tear show on my hands. Suddenly I ache to transform again; so I can run the fuck away from this teary tot.

"D-Did you ever s-see a b-boy with ginger hair a-and blue eyes?"

"Look kid…" I sigh, and turn to her properly, running a hand through my short hair as the awkward intensifies. Humans were so messy. "I saw a lot of soldiers. But they were all dead, and gone, so no, I never saw him wandering around. I lived out there alone."

"I-I only meant h-his body…" she whimpers but I give her a stern look.

"No, you meant, did I ever see him somehow surviving out there despite all the odds. If you knew for certain he had died, you wouldn't bother asking…" It was still harsh, but I wasn't about to placate idiotic daydreaming. She looks to the side, a blush appearing across her freckles. "I'm sure you miss him, and I'm sorry you lost your… boyfriend? But I never saw him, that's for sure."

"W-what about the soldiers that _are_ still alive?" she whines, her voice is raising and people are starting to look. Aw shit, here we go. Hormones on the horizon. "Do you look at them just as coldly?"

"No, if they're still alive, but clearly in pain and not going to make it, I kill them." I reply with a frown, what else was I meant to do? Sit down, and sing a lamented song to their tortured souls? I was only a damned human like them, I wasn't any kind of saviour. I was a shifter, but still a damn human deep down. My selfish nature was testament to that sad fact. She grimaces, blush deepening still, but the bashfulness is quickly being over-ridden by anger.

"Y-you fucking m-monster."

"Oh no, _you're right_." I growl sarcastically, getting up, well aware I wasn't going to be allowed to eat in peace from now on. The judgement is screaming at me from all the watchful eyes, and I clench my teeth. "I should just leave them there to slowly bleed to death, _right_? I should stitch them up? Drag them to my home, and feebly attempt to help them live?"

"You could at least help, instead of living out there like a selfish piece of—"

"All that would be doing, is torturing them."

"But you could try—"

"You've clearly been out there, you've seen what happens to the human body when it's gone up against a Titan's hunger. It's destroyed. If I even thought to prolong those kids suffering, then I really would be a fucking monster."

"Bu-Bu—"

"So take your juvenile ideals, and get a reality check. I didn't kill your boyfriend, and you should just hope he had a quick death, because I certainly don't remember putting him out of his misery!" I bellow at her, slamming my hand down on the table top so hard it stings. The silence is heavy, and it is bitter as I breathe it in. I hadn't intended to yell, but my patience could only withstand so much. If I didn't vent like this, the other option was a lot messier.

"You remember them?" She breathes, breaking the quiet with her now soft, and confused voice. I straighten up, and smooth myself down, stepping out from my chair and picking up my tray, looking at her with disgust.

"Wouldn't you?" and with that I walk past her, discard what's left of my meal and pause at the foot of the stairs. I turn, and look at the room of young faces staring after me. Demanding answers like that freckled fool.

"I know you all find it easy to hate me, but for your fucking information, I didn't _ask_ to be brought here and paraded in front of you." I shout, meeting several gazes sternly, not backing down from their nonsense. Fuck it. If they wanted to hate me fine, but I wasn't about to stay silent. I point over to the superiors table, at Erwin who is watching all this with barely more than a hint of a frown. And I think its disapproval of me, not his emotionally unstable Cadets.

"Your damned Commander insisted on keeping me here. You have a problem with me being here? Take it up with the Golden Boy over there. I am a fucking human, like you. I lived outside the walls, _so_ sorry! But yeah, I fucking survived, and I'm sorry your friends didn't. _But I didn't kill them_! Keep that in mind you bunch of fucking ignorant children."

I see no change and so I just throw my hands up, and head to my room. I was sorry to see the concern in Hanji's eyes, but I couldn't stand it any longer. Even now, the stares burn into my back, and I girt my teeth so hard my jaw aches. I had entered their world, and become the perfect scapegoat. They couldn't blame the damned Titans, that was an abstract concept till you were in battle, so for now, they had the woman who had dared to manage and survive on her own out there.

How dare I live whilst their comrades die?

I lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling. Did it matter if I was any good? Surely the more skill I showed, the more I rubbed it in, that I had lived without so much as a stitch of training, whilst good soldiers had died. I roll over and give an angry yell into my pillow. It would be so much easier if I could just come out and admit I was a shifter. But I couldn't. They clearly didn't trust Eren, and he'd already shown his willing to serve Humanity. His devotion to it in fact. If I do reveal myself. I'm as good as dead.

I wanted to hate these kids for their unkind words, cold looks, and strange assumptions. But really there was no point. It wasn't their fault the world was so fucked, it also wasn't their fault they didn't know how to deal with grief. At their age they shouldn't even know what grief was. Yet it was clear they all did. If they hadn't seen their comrades die, they'd probably lost family at least. The Titans didn't care if you were a toddler, teenager, or old fogey; they destroyed you regardless. I sigh into my pillow exhaustedly.

Humans were too damned messy.

My door opens.

Didn't I lock that?

I tense but just wait and listen, perhaps Hanji had come to see that I was all right? But its more than one set of feet. I roll over, and scramble backwards, but it's too late. Hands grab me, and wrench me up off the bed, to cast me down on the floor. I see no faces, I only hear angry voices.

"Think you're better than us?"

"Think you're something special?"

" _Fucking freak_."

"Damn bitch, just go back over the walls and die."

"How'd you manage to live when they all died? Fuck you!"

They curse, they shout, they hate with all their broken might.

I just lie there, tensing enough to brace against the hits and lower the damage, but not enough that they think I'm fighting back. I want to hate them, like they hate me, but this world isn't black and white. My world was murky now. Boots crack into my ribs, they pummel my back, and I feel fists slam against my head, and chest. Blood trickles from my nose, and I'm soon coughing it up too. I gasp at the cold night air as they continue their torrent of 'justice'.

I was someone to blame for this violent life.

I was someone to hate, and seek revenge on.

I guess I was able to help humanity in more way than one, eh Erwin? I can kill some Titans, and be everyone's punching bag. A couple birds killed with one big fucking stone. My instinct is screaming at me; give in, change, they already hate you and are hurting you. Blast them away with the steam, and decimate this building. But I can't. Hanji is here, and what the little fools had in them, apart from ignorant hate, was bravery. I can't kill of the last shred of Humanities goodness. Then it really would be fucked.

"Ignorant children? Fuck you, you cold bitch!"

"Reality check? We watched our friends die out there!"

But then something else enters the room. I can't see much anymore, my hair is matted to my face in blood and sweat. But a shape enters, and begins sweeping away the boots and fists. They're torn off me, and thrown against the wall with audible wails. But they don't scuffle, they don't even try, and get back up. They just lie in a tangled heap, panting in small exhausted whimpers as their hate turns to grief.

I groan, and clamber to my feet, using the bed to haul myself up off the floor. I lean on the mattress as my head swirls, but soon it merely throbs, and the ringing in my ears is dying away. Without much care I wipe the blood from my lips with the back of my hand, and scrap my hair out of my face, flinching as fresh wounds object to the sensation.

"The hell does it take to keep you down?" I do a small double-take as I realise it's Captain Levi that turned up to peel the idiots off me. I manage a careful smile and shrug, but only a little as I realise my shoulder is partially dislocated. Shit.

"Fell from plenty trees in my first year, and you can't really linger on the ground with Titans wandering around. Not a luxury I had, lying down and whimpering. Turn that light on for me?"

He does so, and the lamp flickers into life. I look down at the four of them; three boys and one girl. They look at me with wide, bleared eyes. Their faces are stained with tears, but they aren't all fresh. I sigh heavily, and am about to walk over to them, when I pause and turn to my cupboard. Levi frowns as I side-step, and then he grimaces, as I ram my shoulder against the edge of the wood.

Crack, and then crunch.

Job done.

I grunt, and swallow my wails, it looked a lot scarier without complaining about it. Now at least it would heal correctly. I think my ability is slowly returning, but it's far from fully back. It sure was taking its sweet time. I then take another deep breath, and walk over. Levi steps out a little, giving me a cold warning look, but I just stare back at him sternly. I wasn't going to hurt them; he can see this as he steps back and leans against the cupboard door. I nod a thanks to him, and turn to my assailants.

Damn they looked pathetic.

"Got it out your systems?" I ask, clearing my throat as blood bubbles there. They look amongst themselves before back at me without knowing what to do, or say. I hold out a hand to the closest boy, his blonde hair is stuck to his sweaty forehead, and his pale blue eyes are ringed in red. Snot-nosed. He takes my hand after a pause, and I help him up with the arm that still worked.

"I-I…" he continued to mumble as I help the other three up, and then back up a few steps. But as the boy looks to his Captain, his face turns a little red, and I see the words forming on his lips. But I won't let him lie to me. Lying was below them.

"Don't apologise, you don't mean it right now. You might in the morning, but right now, you're glad you got to do it. You all are."

They exchange ashamed looks.

"I get it, I'm a good target for all the shit you've had to deal with." I shrug, and as they look amongst themselves in disbelief I decide to then hammer my point home. Levi remains quiet, and I can feel him staring at me all the while. "However, as you can see, I am not a damned monster. I am human, I bleed and I bruise just like you fuckwits. So kindly go, and let your fellow Cadets know. I am here to stay, I am not easily beaten down, and I will _not_ treat the next group of brutes so kindly. Got it? If I even see a shadey look from you lot, I will be sorely tempted to take you out to the walls and dangle you down into the belly of a Titan myself."

"Y-yes m-ma'am…"

Why did they all think I was old?

They begin to shuffle out, and I wait till they've closed the door to go, and sit on my bed. The quiet is weird, and I look up at Levi who is still watching me without interest registering on his expression.

"Thanks for not joining in." I mutter, rolling my shoulder a little to stretch it out. That was going to be a bitch for a few days. He nods, and stands away from the cupboard, opens it and chucks some fresh sheets my way. I frown as they land at the end of the bed, but then glance at the material I'm currently sitting on. Ah. Blood smears here, and there from when I got up, and presumably having sprayed when the attack took place. Nice.

"They'll be punished accordingly." He murmurs, frowning down at the bloodied bed.

"Don't bother. I don't need you making me feel like a snitch."

"I don't give a shit what you need, brat."

"Noted."

"They broke the rules, and unlike yourself, they're meant to know and follow them. Go to the infirmary."

"I'm fine."

"You might not have had the luxury out there, Senefold, but here you actually do. Take it whilst you can, idiot. Plus you'll just bleed everywhere if you don't, and get everything filthy. Go get cleaned up."

"Yeah, got it." I stand up, swaying a little but I just shake it off and walk past him, stopping outside my door and sighing. "Where the fuck is the Infirmary?"

"Damn you're troublesome."

"Well if you _will_ make your HQ a maze."

* * *

 **Not having a great time of it, at the moment, is Alexia? Don't worry, it's 3DMG next time, and that's when she's in her element.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!**

 **Have a good day!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again! Thank you for continuing to read, this story is still very much in the baby stages, but I highly appreciate the continued support, really helps me as a writer, and human being ;)**

 **A Guest recently asked about the pairings - they will apply soon. I just prefer to set up situations before anything like THAT happens. But they will very soon. I promise! And there may also be more pairings than i was able to list... I'll let your imaginations try and figure what they may be... muhahaha.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

"Tch, wait here." He walks a few doors away and knocks, a young woman appears with strawberry blonde hair and wide eyed look. It's like she was waiting for him to knock on her door. Late night visits a usual occurrence? Erwin would get jealous. She glances my way, and then back at Levi with concern. Another human being? I wonder how she failed to hear my attackers though, perhaps she didn't care so much to investigate on her own.

"Petra'll take you, don't give her any trouble, brat."

And then he walks away, probably in search of the brutes from my room. Petra walks over to me, her eyes still wide as she stops to give a nervous smile.

"I thought something was going on, what the heck did they do to you?"

"Nothing I can't handle, you heard what happened?"

"Well yeah, I ran and got the Captain for you… I sure wasn't going to be able to do much." She mumbles biting on her lip as she scratches the back of her head, blushing profusely. "Sorry I didn't get him quicker. It all happened real quick."

"N-No… thanks, you probably saved me a stay in hospital." I hold out my hand, and she looks at it a little oddly, before taking it and smiling broadly. "Alexia Senefold, the weirdo from over the walls."

"If you mean weird in the sense of amazing, then yeah!" she laughs, letting go of my hand and gesturing for me to follow her. I do so, and keep pace, despite a weird ache in my leg. Potentially a fracture. Then I realise what she just said. Amazing? Wow, that was the first compliment I think I'd got in this place that wasn't from Hanji, in a weird I-think-you're-amazing-can-I-watch-you-sleep way. Then again, had Hanji also told Petra? My heart quickens a little. No, Hanji wouldn't do that.

"Thanks… so you don't feel like venting on me?" I half-laugh, not enjoying the tense silence as we walked through almost completely dark corridors. She sighs and shakes her head, her hair shining a little in the moonlight. A pretty little thing.

"Don't understand why they seem to be doing that… sorry about that… they've been through a lot. But still, doesn't excuse it…"

"Like you said, they've been through a lot. They're kids."

"Yeah…"

"How long you been here?"

"A good while, I'm on Levi's squad. How is it you can be so forgiving?" she frowns and watches her feet, a blush still on her face. Was she really that ashamed of her fellow recruits? I would be impressed if she was. Then again, if she was on Levi's squad I guessed that meant she was pretty good at what she did. She probably felt a little responsible for the more green recruits. When I fail to answer her, she glances my way worriedly. I smirk.

"I assume everyone's a bastard till they prove otherwise. So as far as I'm concerned they only acted as I expected, really. Though… it doesn't always work… suppose you saw my little outburst in the mess hall?"

"Yeah, but frankly I wanted to give you a cheer." She snorts, and flicks her hair back behind her ear. I smile, I wonder what her story is. Shit. No, no I don't. I don't want to get mixed up in this regiment any more than absolutely necessary. I nod, but keep my eyes forward. Just because 90% of this regiment was out to kill me, it didn't mean I had to become fucking soulmates with the other 10%. Get a grip Senefold.

"So how come you're so open-minded, Petra?"

"I guess I've seen enough death to appreciate those that are still living." She shrugs and I stop dead, staring at the floor. My heart just swelled. No. Senefold get a damned grip; you're a soulless shifter, and you don't belong with Humanity. You won't amount to anything. Leave them alone. I stand there panting a little and she comes over, a hand reaching for my shoulder as her face is awash with concern again. Dammit no. "Hey, you okay?"

"No I'm not fucking ok." I growl, and scrape my hair back, tangling my hands there as I try to figure out how I'm meant to get through this shit. She backs off a little as my voice threatens her, but she remains concerned. Wide eyed and concerned. Like a damn fretting mother. "Look, do me a favour and just hate me like the rest. It's… it's simpler."

But when I start to walk again, she steps in front and stops me, suddenly looking very angry. Damn she was like Levi, one second fine the next furious. Okay, not just like Levi, he was overtly bipolar, but this was a strangely drastic transformation.

"What, it's simpler to just be hated by everyone?"

"Infinitely so, yes."

"Why the hell do you hate your own kind so much, exactly? The way Eren talked about you…" I look at her and frown, Eren? What the hell had that kid been spouting? He didn't know me, none of these dressed up dolls did. "What happened to you?"

"Shit that happens to everyone else."

"Let someone help."

"Look, I'm not here by choice so—"

"No, but you are _here._ So that makes you part of this regiment, whether you like it or not. And so in my book, that makes you important. So suck it up, and deal with the fact you have people caring about you. Got it?" she jabs a finger at me, and I stumble back a little. She was like a pissy mother, and I was her bratty teenager.

"It just… it just makes saying good bye harder." I mutter, shoving my hands in my pockets and flinching against the cuts there. A hand taps my chin, and I unenthusiastically look up into those determined eyes. She wasn't easily discouraged.

"Then don't think about that, think about right now. We don't get to dwell on what tomorrow'll bring, we never know when it won't come at all. So focus on now, and accept the fact you have teammates."

"A passionate little thing aren't you, Petra?"

"Damn straight." She now smirks and I feel myself mirror her. "Now then, let's get you cleaned up. Or you're never going to make training tomorrow."

"Yes, miss." I give a salute, and she just rolls her eyes, before putting an arm gently round me and leading me on.

This world isn't black and white. I was learning slowly to swim through this murky grey area of morality. These Cadets were on the front lines for humanity, they had a lot of passion, and in some cases too much. They had lost a lot already, and yet they still bore their uniform and prepared for the fight. I didn't understand their conviction for helping Humanity, as far as I had been concerned that ship had sailed, and sunk already. But as I met the few people here willing to know me as a human, and not a newfound freak, I felt my resolve shake a little. I wasn't used to this murkiness, but now, as Petra talks about her Squad with pride and smiles, I wonder if the murkiness won't soon become too familiar.

We head to the infirmary and Petra helps me get patched up; none of the nurses seem overly concerned about helping. They know who I am, and they similarly don't trust me. I begin to wonder if they think I have some weird contagion, but I resist the urge to go over and hiss at them, or pretend to bite them. No need to start a panic, tonight had been filled with enough nonsense. Petra stays quiet, but I can tell she's aching to keep assuring me. I can see it in her big, naïve eyes as she murmurs little, 'should feel better soon' and 'hope that helps' as she goes about the tedious task of applying bandages and ointment. She is clearly someone who likes to help, but I don't fancy being her next project. I realise she means well, but I wasn't in the charitable mood. Despite her scolding earlier.

Eventually all the new bumps, and bruises, are seen to and I can return to my little 'room'. Petra helps me change the bed, and weirdly enough tries to tuck me in. I almost regret looking at her as harshly as I did, but this wasn't going to become the mother-daughter relationship she wanted it to. I had no idea if I was older than her or not, in this place age seems a fluid concept, but either way, I wasn't about to babied. I'd just had the shit kicked out of me, I could hardly afford to become dependent on someone.

"Do you want me to see to getting a guard placed at your door?"

I stare at her, she tilts her head with an annoyed frown.

"Well?"

"Yeah, and while you're at it, let's just paint me coward yellow from head to toe, and attach some convenient targets to my ass and head." I roll my eyes at her, whilst her frown deepens and she makes a disapproving shake of her head.

"Pride isn't going to help you through this."

"And neither is coddling me. I can handle myself Petra, trust me. I appreciate your help, but there's no point in over-reacting. They'll have gotten it out their systems soon enough."

"Is that before or after you end up dead on the floor?" she snaps, and I flinch a little at the raw concern there. It was something that annoyed me, but I could tell under this, was more than simple concern for a stranger. This woman had presumably already seen a lot of life wasted, I was simply a life she felt she could help endure. It makes me half tempted to let her in on the big joke. I wasn't someone she'd probably want to keep alive. I was part of the enemy right?

"Time will tell I guess." I sigh, rolling over, hoping to end this pointless debate.

There's a lingering awkwardness, but soon she gives up and walks out. As soon as I hear her own door close, a little way down the corridor, I jump up and lock my door. The satisfying click calms my oddly panicked heart, and I linger there a few moments to listen to the hallway outside. Not even a whisper. I pull on the handle, but the lock seems to be doing its job now. I wonder if they picked the lock, or I had been stupid enough to forget. I guess it didn't matter now, the bruises had been handed out.

I lie on the bed, and stare up the ceiling again. Tomorrow was the 3DMG training, and it was there I was supposed to show my expertise. Or whatever Erwin had decided I had. My shoulder still aches, but the pain medication was helping and Petra had done well to bind it up. Everything might work out okay. Then again I might face-plant into a tree, and fall onto the ground, an entire troop of Cadets laughing their heads off at my failure. I roll over, and groan into the pillow. I could always just transform, murder them all, then nick whatever gear they had on them at the time? I laugh a little too hard into the pillow, before sleep finally visits me, and takes me under its numbing wing.

This place would be the end of me.

* * *

As soon as the sun peeks over the horizon my eyes fly open, they had done so for the past decade, so I saw no reason to fight it now. I get up, and stretch out my body. There's a few aches and pains all around, but I just focus on the fact Petra had suggested visiting Hanji before training. Apparently the woman had a knack for pharmaceuticals, as well as loving Titans too much. The idea of Hanji cooking up weird drugs made a lot of sense to me, and in a weird way I hoped she did. If that woman ran simply on her own odd steam, I shudder to think what happens if she drinks or ever does try a narcotic.

It takes fucking forever to get the damn uniform on correctly, the straps being little bastards about staying put. Today they really had to be done right, or else face-plantation was a guaranteed thing. I smooth down my hair, that refuses to not spike up, and shrug on my jacket. Another day, another set of bullshit. I'm not entirely sure if I'm late or early, but I see no reason to linger in my well lit cell. The smell of food indicates I'm at least in the correct area of time for breakfast, but the lacking bodies in the mess-hall only further clouds the situation. All late, or all early risers like myself?

"You sleep walking now, brat? Shift it." Snaps a voice I could have done without hearing first thing. I jump out the way, and let him pass me with a click of his forked tongue, shaking his head as he heads straight for the hot drinks. Doesn't eat much. Sort of explains the runt issue.

"Am I early or late?"

"No one told you the timings then?"

"Evidently." I reply, grabbing a tray with some eggs and toast. At least I think they're eggs, or they might have been before being brutally murdered and left to wither for a few months. As he's the only one here that I'm fairly certain has already had his fill of beating me up, I sit opposite the little angry man as he sits and drinks his tea. What a retarded way to hold a cup.

"Do I look like the sort to be late?" he grumbles, glaring at me a little sleepily. The heavy lidded look usually looked bored, but right now he looked almost comatose. Then again perhaps having all that rage withheld throughout the day, wore a man down? I smile at my eggs, oh I hoped so.

"No, but you look the sort, to not give many fucks if you were. So I wasn't sure. Your pent-up tight asshole routine tends to indicate an early riser though."

"You know, a simple thank you for saving your hide last night, would be sufficient. Brat."

"I already thanked you, don't push your luck."

"I assume you went to the infirmary?"

"Nah, grew the bandages myself, a very rare skin disorder."

"It is too early for your shit."

"My bowel movements are not your concern, _sir._ " I snort, and take a big bite of my toast.

He rolls his eyes, and leans onto his elbows, looking as though he wants to crawl inside his tea-cup and sleep more, or at least escape me. I was probably what you would call a morning person, but sleeping in never worked well when Titan's got antsier the more sunlight they'd soaked up. Early bird avoids being trampled or gorged on by the big fat mega bird stumbling around. Or at least managed to clean up the mega birds, by transforming into a mightier mega bird and going on a killing spree. I smile at my eggs again. I was a mighty mega bird. Yay.

There's an odd, stumbling, running noise, from the stairs, before a loud yelp, and a small crash. I don't really need to turn round, I just assume it's Hanji. I thank her internally for saving me the trouble of trying to find her office, it only made my life simpler. This was potentially going to be not that bad a morning. Levi curses under his breath as the noise continues with her jabbering, and a few scraping noises as she collects her food and coffee. I wonder if this is a normal morning for her; and judging by Levi's lack of reaction I think it must be. I then snort a little. Lack of reaction from Levi was the norm, it was no indication at all on anyone else's actions. For all I knew this could be a completely new occurrence, and he was already bored of it. I wonder what it would take to make him do a double-take, then I snigger again. I don't think I did want to know that actually.

"The hell are you laughing about, rat?"

"You have food in your hair." I quip, enjoying the small frown, and reassuring touch-up to his hair that he does. He then glares a little more. People really were so easy to play with at times. I had to admit, the ability to make small-talk with people… and Levi… was something I was growing to like. I'd had many a conversation with myself, and of course squirrels were always chatty bastards, but it was nice to have more than a squeak, or echo as a reply. I'd never managed to communicate with the Titans though. Most of them ignored me, and a few of them, if downwind, tried to eat me, so I had to kill them. But no matter what I tried, they never communicated back. Either I wasn't able to, or Titans were incredibly anti-social. Even more so than Levi.

"Good morning early birdies!" laughs Hanji, sitting down heavily next to me, and nudging my shoulder. Of course I give a flinch, the partial dislocation making me a tad sensitive. The glasses flash, and she leans in. I could have sworn I heard her sniff. "What the heck happened to you?!" she then shoots Short-arse a look.

"Not my doing, Glasses."

"Then who the hell…"

"Cadets decided the rat needed a late-night visit." He shrugs, and sips his tea, staring ahead towards the food. Probably creeping out some Cadets as they gathered their breakfast. I think he enjoyed his power of creep too much. Hanji turns to me with wide eyes and mouth hanging ajar, I turn and tap at her chin, her breath smelling of old coffee. And ink…

"It's fine Hanji."

"Not one part of this is fine, stupid kids… why can't we all just get along?" she laments with a touch to her forehead. I glance at Levi with a raise of my brow, but he just shrugs and leans further into his cup.

"Yeah… listen Hanji, I was wondering if I could get some pain-killers? Petra said you had a knack for such things."

"That bad huh?"

"Not the lightest of beatings, no. But it'll be fine in a day or so." I smirk, and stare down the concern flashing once again in her big glasses. Eventually she seems happy enough to accept this, and hands over a packet of white pills. Efficient.

"I keep them to hand in case… hold it, what did _you_ do in return to the cadets?" she looks around as though expecting to find severed limbs scattered around this room. I pop a couple pills, and sip my coffee. Her imagination was a little wild; I'd have cleaned up after myself at least, then stuffed the remains into Erwin's office. Or his desk. Oh, or maybe asked the cook to serve it as his breakfast. My imagination bubbles. I then realise I'm sat with a _slightly_ sadistic sneer on my face, having not responded yet. The woman is sweating. I remove the sneer, and pat her shoulder reassuringly.

"Nothing actually."

" _Really_?!"

"Didn't see the point in entertaining their idiotic ways."

"How… restrained of you…" she murmurs, looking me up and down. Though I still think it's with the expectation of severed limbs; did she think I'd stow them in my uniform? Gross. I was a wild woman who lived beyond the walls, and hadn't been inside society for a decade; but even I had standards! "You still up for training today? I'm sure we could delay—"

"I'm now about to let those little shits mess with my schedule."

"Okay…" she says, leaning back from my angry snap. I sigh, and rub my temples, hoping the drugs will kick in soon, if only to take the edge off my temper. My body was still aching to use my power. Every time I thought it was dying down, I felt a twinge, quickly followed by a surge of energy. These idiots weren't at all being appreciative of my efforts. Except Hanji. I think she has an inkling of the situation, glancing up at the roof occasionally. She's a quick one; clearly aware I'd burst through that thing in a second, raining down terrible vengeance upon my enemies. If I wanted.

"The quicker I show off what I can do, and get the damned teaching out the way, the sooner I can be allowed on missions and get a damned glimpse of my home."

I didn't mean to let it spill out, but apparently my anger from the night before had not quite dissipated yet. They're both watching me; making me feel like a weird animal they caught and are studying. I then cringe at the accuracy of that idea.

"Well it's true. I'm assuming once I've shown my skill, I can actually begin teaching, and sharing information?"

"You're willing to do that now?" said Levi putting his cup down, still staring at it.

"If it lets me go on missions, and feel a little freer, yeah. Assuming Erwin is good on his word… which I feel like, might be a first…"

"So why be so damned… why not before?" His grey eyes still don't look up.

I play with my food, and feel Hanji look from me to him, and I can only imagine the amount of flashing going across the thick glass. Even now, with Hanji right there, him referring to our intimate time in the cells makes my nerves sing. This hardly helps with my resistance of changing. But the way he asked, it was almost as if he wished I had just spoken up. Despite him being a little more forthright that Erwin, I was still struggling to get a proper read on Levi. Was he full of hate? Or simply incapable of allowing anyone to see another part of him.

"Before… I was angry… I was being a stubborn ass to punish you lot."

"You were punishing me? That's how you saw it?" he mutters, shaking his head.

"Not quite, but it was something I could hold on to. You had no other reason to keep me alive, than finding out your answers. And I'm quite fond of living… so…"

"You stayed quiet, and took the beatings… just to stay alive… you're a fucking idiot."

"And you're a sadistic bastard. Glad we cleared that up." I half-laugh, turning back to Hanji. "I really do appreciate the concern Hanji, but I just want to get on with this."

I drain my coffee. Perhaps this morning would be just as shitty as I had expected. The pills seem to be starting to work though, my shoulder no longer aches when I breathe. And the song of my nerves dies down to a hum. Hanji is nodding, though still biting on her lip annoyingly.

"I get it Kiddo, sorry… just… just don't want to see you get hurt out there."

"Out there, in here, makes little difference. Bruises and broken bones heal, we just need to get on with it." I chuckle. "Plus pain meds always help."

"Glad to be of service!" she chirps, seeming happier as she then wolfs down her food. I shake my head at her, and return to my own meal, catching a glimpse of Levi suddenly watching me again. I raise a brow at him.

"Something wrong, Levi?"

"You sure you're all right for this training, Brat?"

"Careful Captain, your human is showing." I mutter, and think I see the faintest hue on his cheeks. But his eyes simply tighten, and there's a flash of his teeth for a split second.

"I just don't want the Commander pissing all over me, for damaging his new toy."

"Yeah, yeah, calm it shorty. I'm well aware you don't give a shit. No need to pout. I'm good to go, I'm not about to damage myself for that glorified—"

"Good morning, everyone."

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear." I say, sitting upright and nodding at the Golden Shithead. He returns the gesture and sits next to his pet, looking pristine as ever as he sips his coffee and salts his eggs. It's like every action is predetermined, like a clockwork toy or something. At some point I would have to check his pulse; would it go thump, thump, or tick, tock?

"You done there Hanji?" I ask, hoping to avoid agonising chit-chat with Erwin of all people.

"Mm?" she swallows her last enormous mouthful, and burps a little. "Yeah, you ready to go?"

"Might as well get the gear on sooner, rather than later. You may well have updated it since I stole mine."

"Depends on how recently you achieved that specific theft." Drawls the Commander, a cold smirk on his lips. I stand up, and gather my things together. He watches me, and even now I can see things working through that shiny head of his. Did he ever stop scheming?

"Had the same gear the entire time I lived out-with the rat-race, _sir._ "

"A whole decade with one set of gear? My, my, the impressiveness continues to mount up with you Senefold." His sarcasm is blatant and arrogant, but I just smile back at him and shrug my shoulders.

"Funny, I've been thinking the same thing about the shit that pours out your mouth."

Before he can moan, or bitch about my lacking formality I walk away to discard my empty tray. He was trying very hard to get a grasp on me, to find something to control me with. I smile. Good luck Blondie.

Hanji is close behind, quiet a she purses her lips together. Out of annoyance, or amusement, I don't know, but she shuffles me around the area that the Commander and his Dog still sit in. I think she's eager to have me out of their way, and their earshot too.

We head out into the compound and as the open sky is laid above me again, I find myself a little apprehensive. Today I would also have to deal with the fact that everyone was expecting something marvellous; I had never claimed to be anything wonderful, it was all Erwin's doing. Yet no one would remember that as I demonstrated my 3DMG skills.

Strangely enough, Hanji explains the Browlord was planning on being present at this training. He hadn't bothered to stick around for hand-to-hand. I guess he wanted to check for himself if his hopes for my skills were founded. It almost made me tempted to purposefully fuck up. But as Hanji helps me into the lighter, newer, gear, I remember the uncertainty of what would happen once I wasn't of use.

I'm all fixed in, and have had a quick practise with Hanji before the crowd begins to gather. I can feel Erwin stood, arms folded, staring at my equipment. I wonder if he's a little torn; he wants to be able to control me, and therefore probably hopes I make a mistake. However, he also wants a new weapon in his odd little crusade for Humanity, so he'll also be hoping I exceed his already high expectations. Poor little Browlord; which way to hope. Such a trying life you do lead.

I head over to the starting line.

A few other cadets have gathered, though Erwin keeps it to a minimum after our little spat yesterday. He was a prick, but at least had a decent memory. Petra explains the general idea; and warns me that some Dummy Titans are on springs or contraptions. Therefore some are in place, and some are being powered by Cadets. My bruises ache at this, the sadistic bastards might be after another go. I'd have to keep an especially close eye out for movement, really bring my A-game. Good thing I wasn't beaten half to death last night by four idiots, or else this might prove tricky… ah… shit.

They back up a bit and someone sounds a horn. I send off my wires, and am thrilled at the sensation of flight. It's like I've entered one of my daydreams, only this was real. I'm flying again, I'm zipping through the air free and fast. But I soon focus, not forgetting my reason for being up here. This was my world. It was time to show these ingrates what I could do.

I see a large shape in front of me, but keep focused on momentum on the approach. If there was another Dummy raring to pop up, I'd be at full speed. This would either make for an impressive take down, an incredible face-plant and fall.

There's the sound of wires behind me, but I know this is Levi and Hanji taking note of my performance as I go, no need to worry about the Cadets up here. Up here I was a force to be reckoned with. Just the ones powering the—I swing up, and slash down in an instant. One dummy down, and a disgruntled Cadet left with leather all over their greasy little face. Nice try though, kid, nearly got me. Nearly. I hear Hanji swear profusely down at the Cadet, clearly annoyed by their late deployment. But really she couldn't do anything about it. Even if it was fuelled by a want to hurt me, it was good practise for battle.

I then approach the fixed Dummy, and slice it down too, nearly taking the head off as I cut into the nape. Then I head higher into the canopy, getting a better view of the terrain. The branches are thinner, and not as reliable for gear, but I use the trunks of the trees instead. It's difficult, but suits my purpose. It might prove difficult for most cadets, but with my lightweight body, and vast experience using this technique; it meant very little extra risk to me. And at the same time, minimised the risk of any unexpected Titans popping up. Applicable here, and in the real world. Anything above sixteen metres was rare, and these trees were easily twenty or more. I'm not sure how many fake Titans are on the course, or how many I'm expected to take down, but I stay sharp. The more I 'kill' the more I can rub it in Golden Boy's smug face.

As I peer out across the course, I see three 'Titans' in a strange zig zag pattern. I angle myself, and shoot off, well aware more pop-ups will be on the way. Only I see a glint of gear before I hear a groan of rope and wood. Here we go. It appears from the side I hadn't expected, but I bounce off a nearby branch, and swoop down to make the cut. The branch falls with a crash, being a little less sturdy this far up in the trees. But the gasp of surprise from the Cadet below is very satisfying as I slice through the pop-up, using it instead as an anchor, and then rebound to do the next two fixed Dummies in succession.

My confidence swells, and I let a loud cheer leave me as I slice into the last fixed one, and laugh as the last pop-up appears directly in front of me. No room for swinging, or manoeuvre, so I let myself drop, swing round the fake arm, and land on the slight shoulder to slice away the neck instantaneously. The dummy's wooden bodies aren't very thick, so I'm balancing carefully, even if only for a moment. But I see Hanji grinning, and notice Levi frowning. I think even he was a little surprised at my technique. I was a rough round the edges little rat, but when I flew? Dammit, I had style.

I'm sorry to say goodbye to the small reprieve from the tedious compound, but I have reached the end of the course, and the end of my demonstration. Time to head back to earth, and back to reality. I grip my swords a little tighter, wondering how patronising Erwin would dare to be.

I land gracefully back on the finish line, that is also the start line as the course runs in a loop, and brush off any debris I had accumulated. There is a weird hush on the group as I wait for his little speech to begin. Erwin pauses, but then slowly begins to clap, a proud sneer taking over his face.

His new dog had done well it seemed.

"It seems your skills are as expected, exemplary."

"Thanks."

"It is this kind of technique I would like you to teach the other cadets, if even half of them gained your speed or agility, then our casualties would be greatly decreased."

"And are any of them actually willing to learn from a 'freak' or 'cold bitch' such as myself?" I drawl, forcefully digging the blades into the ground so I can smooth my hair back from my warm, sticky face. His eyes are cold, and his lips become a firm line. Was he really going to claim ignorance?

"To what do you refer, Cadet Senefold?"

"You know full well to what I refer, _sir,_ so kindly don't play innocent. I'm willing to teach, I'm willing to help save lives, but that doesn't mean they're willing to be taught. And I won't waste either my time, or energy being ignored."

"You will do as ordered."

"Will they?"

"All Cadets within this regiment are highly disciplined, perhaps excepting current company." He rumbles, hands clenching a little. He wants to throttle me, I was completely ignoring his insistence on not undermining him, but his blatant ignoring of my attack last night was too much to push under the carpet. Everyone would trip over the damn thing, as it bulged and leaked. Too much shit had already gone unsaid. This would not be one of them. Levi will have informed him. That was obvious. He was a loyal little dog who barked when told to. The dog had teeth, and clearly there were issues between owner and pet, but still, for the time being, the dog was loyal.

"Highly disciplined… so does that mean you _ordered_ them to come and kick the living shit out of me last night?"

My challenge rings in the air, and for a moment I see that I have gotten under that composed skin. He considers me sternly, but I simply glare back, wondering what kind of excuse will be slithered between those thin lips. Petra is looking at me pleadingly, but I ignore her kind sentiment. I wasn't going to take it out on the idiotic Cadets who didn't know what else to do with their grief, however. The simple fact was, Erwin clearly had a tight control over his regiment. He had just claimed that himself. Therefore, either he had a serious lax in awareness last night, or he allowed it to happen. Whether he ordered it or not, he turned a blind eye. If Petra hadn't gone for Levi, I'd be dead; either from the beating, or from transforming and being taken down. It was as simple as that. And if all I accomplished with this little stand-off, was chipping away the tiniest part of this man's saint-like demeanour, it'd be fucking worth it.

Come on Blondie, crack.

"I am very sorry for what happened to you, Senefold, however this is neither the time nor place. This is about your 3DMG ability, do not cloud the—"

"Oh, so you _knew_ about the attack, and yet allowed this training exercise to go ahead? Are you actually a sadist full time, or is it a new found hobby to torture young women you've already kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured?"

Strong arms clamp round my body when I make to lunge; my patience suddenly snapping. This damn man, and his damn games. I don't know who it is, but a small part of me is glad they're there. In all likeliness I'd have already been killed by attacking Erwin. He was a calm, collected bastard, but I could tell he'd be a damned good fighter. But on the surface reason has taken leave, and I fight against the vice-like hold.

"I _agreed_ to help you, I _agreed_ to show my skills and serve here in this fucking regiment. Now allow me to do that without these pointless games?"

"I think you're being a little paranoid don't you, Senefold?"

"I think you've had everyone dancing along to your little tune, long enough, don't you _Erwin_. Now then, get it through the heads of your Cadets, I am here to teach, not be the punching bag for Humanities damaged youth. I get that they have too much grief to deal with, but if they try _anything_ like that again?"

"What Senefold? What's the threat here?"

"I'll kill them." I state, cold and blatant. In this instance? This is not their murky world, this was my clean-cut one. Right here, I was defining black from white, and showing where I stood. I see my sincerity sink into those cold blue pits of calculation.

"Why not do so last night?" He calls, trying to take down what he hopes is a bluff. I look at the Cadets, their shining eyes looking at their Commander in shock. That'd right kiddies, he isn't perfect is he?

"I let them go last night out of some last shred of understanding for Humanity. But if I get pushed again, I will let myself topple, I will let myself fucking lose it." As the words slip past my lips, again my body feels that surge, and the arms round me tighten again. I can feel it, the beast is hungry, and it's craving the taste of the blue-eyed demon.

"In the meantime, be sure to start teaching your technique to the cadets." The arms on me hold firm, and I fight the urge to snap them clean away from their owner, and use them to beat this Blonde little piece of cretinous shit into the mud. "You have a lot of potential Senefold, I'd hate to see it wasted on these paranoid delusions."

"Indeed." I laugh, shaking my head at his continued performance. He didn't even skip a beat did he? I wonder how long he had been playing this game, and how many opponents he'd already buried.

I may not do it today, and it may take weeks, or even months before I do. But when I know how to get out, and know that my transformation won't kill me, I will use it. I will loom over him, and his little house of cards and send it toppling down. He will scream like the little bitch he was, clasped in my claws as I make him watch his plans burn. I almost drool.

"You've already exceeded my expectations, you even beat Levi's original timing and score." His words bring me back into the present, and I feel that sickened sensation again. These people were turning me into a fucking monster. By being close to humanity, I was losing what little I had left. I guess my inclinations in the cells were right. When you joined the Survey Corps, you died a little inside.

I meet his gaze once again and smile, ever so sweetly. This wouldn't break me yet, I could hold out a little longer.

"Yay, that means _so_ much."

"It should, it seems that a renegade from over the walls, defeats a—"

"You know what, _sir,_ I think we're done here." I snap as his sneer widens. The arms round me don't move, and as I try and wriggle out, to no avail, I immediately realise who's restraining me. The only person with that kind of strength. Levi. "Let me go, please."

"You going to do something stupid?"

"For once? No."

He releases me, and I straighten myself out, fresh bruising running along my arms. I then walk back over to the starting line, and ready myself for another round.

"When you've got your Cadets in line, and ready to learn, Erwin? Let me know. Till then, stay the hell out of my way."

"You _will_ learn discipline, Senefold."

"You claimed it didn't matter what I did, as long as I shared my knowledge."

"You haven't shared anything yet."

"Because you haven't asked. Instead you've tried to beat me into submission. Try the human route next time?" I hiss, and then fire off before he can bore me any further. I sense his annoyance of not getting the last word in, but it's soon fading into the distance as my speed increases, and the wind whips through my hair.

I really didn't know what Erwin thought he could learn from me, it wasn't like I understood Titans any better than they did; I just knew how to avoid them. In a way that'd be useful to them, but hardly ground-breaking.

I land on a branch and sit down. Knowing me as a human, he was already going to desperate lengths to control me. Allowing his cadets their madness, and not giving a hoot if I was hurt. Knowing me as a human, he was already treating me like an untamed dog. What would he do when he found out the truth? I lay my head against the trunk, and sigh, I think I'm headed for the chopping block no matter what. Or maybe hanging? Or a shooting range… I wasn't sure how they did things any more. In all honesty, he might rage-out and kill me on the spot? I have no idea what he'll do, because frankly I find the man impossible to read.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, Brat?" Levi lands on the branch, and we share a look for a few too many seconds, before he finally sheathes his blades. I stare blankly, trying to deduce where Levi actually stood in all this. Whose side? Someone simply wanting some freedom, or the power-hungry Browlord who sought out domination. I can't figure it out, and it's beginning to make my head hurt. "Answer me, Cadet."

"I needed some space before slicing that man in two."

"You agreed to this, don't start moaning now."

"I agreed to teach, I didn't agree to… _this._ To being a damned scape-goat, or the newest chess piece for that loathsome—"

"You agreed to be in this regiment, so that's exactly what you agreed to." He snaps, hand still resting on the hilt of his sword. I hear the anger there, and recall the words he spouted in the cell. The words that were not his own. I sense the dog is growing tired of his master. Patience wearing away a little more, each and every day.

"I should really pay attention to that small print next time." I sigh, closing my eyes.

"I'll get the damned brats to listen. I'm not going to put up with the juvenile shit any more than you, got it?"

"Gee thanks…"

"Not for your benefit, rat."

"I kind of assumed that, _sir_."

"Look, if you can teach them your techniques, and share even a little of how you survived out there, less people will be left to die. You're nothing more than a preventative."

"I'm well aware I'm nothing special, Levi."

"Yeah…" I hear him shift his weight, perhaps looking back over the course to see if anyone else had come along for a chit-chat. "Starting to get that idea, Brat."

"A bit slow, ain't ya?" I laugh, letting my legs dangle either side of the branch. "I'm willing to teach, as long as the fools are willing to learn."

"My Cadets are not fools." He growls defensively.

I can't deal with this shit any longer, my stupidity tolerance has officially run out. These military morons needed to figure out if they liked each other or not, did he hate his Cadets or did he love them? Did he pity them, or was he proud of them? Juvenile shit was what fools did, and yet having expressed his lacking tolerance for the Cadets juvenile shit, he now claims his Cadets are not fools. I'm so done.

I jump up and jab him in the chest hard with my forefinger.

"No? Seems like it from here, _Captain_."

"Don't cheapen their incentives just because you don't understand them."

"They aren't foolish for joining, they're foolish for joining and not being prepared to die."

We share a long, cold look.

I wait, but he doesn't seem keen to take the lead right now.

"I went outside those walls, fully expecting to be dead within days, but I _still_ went out there, and thought myself damned lucky when it didn't happen. But I knew all along, and still do, that every second I spend out there, or thinking about being out there, the odds against my life grow."

"So you're suicidal?"

"No, but if that's the price of freedom? I'll pay it again, and again, and again." I say, choking a little as a lump forms in my throat. "Surely you can understand that? Where is it you come from anyway, if you can't?"

"The hell does that mean?" he grimaces, backing up a little. A nerve has been struck.

"Erwin was about to compare us when I'm afraid I got a little too tired of his shit to listen. He called me a renegade from outside the walls, but you were about to be called something? Where is it you come from Levi? What deal did you make with him?"

"Deal?" he spits, "You don't—"

"I _don't_ know you Levi, no. But I know there's a history there between you and him. And I'm guessing it's to do with whoever it was you lost as well…" my anger filters away, realising I'm using him as my own scape-goat now. I sigh and look at him without malice for once. "I obviously don't know the situation, and I don't know you, or the people you lost, Levi. But I can tell you understand my want for freedom. You hate that you do, and that's another reason you may or may not hate me…"

"Where are you going with this, Brat?" He looks even angrier than before and I edge back a little, remembering a little too well what that look of rage can lead to. My ribs ache at the memory. My fear of him would take a long time to fade, it seemed. He watches me, demanding my answer as I think I hit a few too many nerves. I lift my chin up a little, and meet his cold gaze with my own.

"I simply want to understand how you do it."

"Do what?"

"Deal with that man, who you so obviously hate." I say, holding my voice steady, "He has some kind of hold over you, like he does over me, I won't ask what it is, or even try to understand it. But _please_ , before I drive myself mad trying to figure it out, how do you stand it? How do you keep going?"

"You see, Brat? You really don't know me." He says, blank and reserved. "I keep going because I don't allow myself regret."

"Regret…"

"I'm responsible for my own life, decisions, and freedom." The anger is still there, but I sense it isn't at me anymore. I stand a little straighter as he avoids my gaze, looking to the side for a few moment before snapping back to me and shaking his head. "Freedom isn't something that comes cheap. You got it cheap for a long time, appreciate that, and now put in the fucking work."

I nod and fight back the tears, the chains around me seemingly reinforced, but feeling a little lighter all the same. I really hadn't expected him to humour my request, but it seemed a moment of kindness had taken over the cold man's mind. I wouldn't push my luck though, not when he was armed, and we were this far up. I was good, but he had received a lot more training than me, and I hadn't seen him in action yet. On the gear anyway.

"I'll do some planning with Mike, and we'll figure out a training regime for you and the Cadets you'll be teaching."

"Mike?"

"Tall, sniffs a lot. For the rest of the day, focus on your hand-to-hand. We need you at least passable before the next mission." He turns away and draws his swords for the return trip. It seemed that I was slowly, very slowly, becoming more of a Cadet to him, and less of a rat. It was almost touching.

"When's the next mission?" he waits and I groan a little, with cadet rank came the rest I guess. " _Sir._ "

"A couple weeks. We need to test out Jeager in a combat situation,"

"The Titan kid?"

"Yes, we need to prove to the council we can control him. He'll be training with you today. Just don't turn him Titan, okay brat?"

I nod and he sets off into the canopy beyond. A sense of comradery had almost broken through there. Yet I still can't shift the anxiety. I reckoned that would be the case for some time. I'm not out of danger with this man. He was damned quick, and I'd bet he could suddenly throw me to the ground at any second, without so much as a missed blink. Again I shiver, but I just draw my swords, and make my own way back to the compound where I know more hand-to-hand is waiting. But at least a more interesting concept is promised for the remainder of the day as well.

Training with a Titan-shifter.

Perhaps today wasn't a total loss.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed!**

 **Thanks for reading, see you next time!**

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	6. Chapter 6

**Hello again! Thank you for reading, the continued support really helps me as a writer, and I hope you enjoy!**

 **This is the last chapter that was uploaded BEFORE my big overhaul, so from this point on it should all be new content!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

"Eren! Oi! Wake the fuck up!" I slap his overly peaceful face a few times, but he's just lying there, drooling down his chin. Being a shifter myself, I was thankful the blow to the head _hadn't_ set him off, but also, as a Shifter, I couldn't believe he was knocked out. The two guards that had accompanied him are standing back, looking at me like I'm mad to be so close to him. But to be fair, if I wasn't a Shifter, I would have no inkling as to how dangerous it could be. I'm only playing on my innocence… as well as my slight guilt for sending the kid, to sleep land. "Could you two do something? Other than stand there looking like morons?"

"We ain't getting crushed if he turns Titan!" blurts out the ashen haired one.

"Titan's are actually fairly light, you wouldn't be crushed, but you will be pummelled if you don't help me out!" I don't bother mentioning the velocity of his transformation would probably do a decent amount of damage. But my priority wasn't their well-being. It was the kid's. I didn't mean to kick him that hard. I really didn't. But I guess it was all the frustration; it had built up beneath the surface, and unfortunately the kid was in the way when it was time for it to spill. It was that or turn Titan myself. I think this was the better option; for me anyway.

"Go get the Captain would ya? I'll help the brat." Groans one of them finally, and heads over, his oddly old looking face contorted into some kind of attempt at indifference. Really he just looked like he had a bad case of gas.

"I think he's sorting out cleaning duty… but sure. Be back soon, keep an eye on her."

"Just hurry it up yeah?" I snap as the other one warns his friend, as though they're dealing with a bear or something. Fucking gits. I've put my jacket under Eren's head, he's alive, that much was clear. He'd have one hell of a bruise on his cheek, but otherwise he should be fine. He said he was a good fighter, but I think my speed caught him off guard. Oh well, he had asked that I not be scared to hit him. I just hope he'd meant it.

"You better not try anything, y'hear me brat?" the guard drawls, and I look away from our patient to frown at him. Was that on purpose? He's glaring at me, still looking like he's in desperate need for the toilet. Did he know he was sounding like a pathetic Levi wannabe? I see the way he holds his eyes slightly narrowed, and hold back a laugh; that was beyond creepy.

"Are you trying to sound like Levi?"

"That's _Captain_ Levi to you, rat. And no, dunno what you're talking about."

"Uhuh… what's your name? Not that I see much point in using it, as you won't use mine."

"Oluo, though you can just call me sir, got it?"

"Loud, and clear, numbnuts."

"You little—"

"Ugh…" Eren gives a little mumble, and Oluo, the big brave warrior that he is, falls back with a weird little whimper like noise. Really? This was a man assigned to guard Eren? If he burped, was Oluo going to piss everywhere. So intimidating, however would I cope with someone like this looking after me? But I look away from the snivelling wreck, and back to the kid, his eyes are flickering open at long last. Phew.

"Hey kid, can you hear me?"

"Yeah… what the hell happened?"

"I um… well… I kicked you in the head… kind of."

"Kind of?" he laughs, sitting up and rubbing the bruise, another groan coming out of him. I shrug my shoulders when he looks at me, a grin in place as he smiles back. "I'd hate to know how a proper one feels then. Shit… ow."

"Sorry…" I tug my coat back on, "I had a bit of a bad day."

"I'd have hoped so. Feel any better?" he chuckles, casting a wary look towards his now composed guard. Oluo stands up, and calls over towards a group headed our way. Probably about to tattle-tale on me to his idol.

"Yah… I do feel a bit better actually. Thanks, I'll come to you whenever I feel tense?" I snigger as Eren bites on his lip a little, "Nah, don't want to actually make you turn Titan. Think you made your guards a little more cautious of you though."

"Hmm? Oh those guys are okay,"

"They are? You've not had a great experience with Humanity either, have you?"

"They're not like the Military Police at least."

"The lesser of two evils, is still an evil Eren." I mutter as I help him stand. He frowns at me, almost in disapproval, but before I can ask him what the look is for I'm pinned to the floor. I can smell Oluo's coffee sodden breath before I hurl him back, flip onto my feet, and kick out at him when he makes another lunge.

"What's the big idea fuckface?"

"Not exactly keeping her contained are you Oluo?" Levi says having apparently also appeared. I stand straight, removing myself from fighting stance in the hope I don't get a beating simply for defending myself. Oluo straightens also, a hand rubbing his guts where I'd made decent contact. He turns to his father figure and salutes proudly, gesturing to me in the next moment. Levi looks unmoved.

"Little rat was conversing with the Titan kid, thought they might be conspiring, Captain." Oluo says with an attempt at a nonchalant wave of his hand. He just looks like he's trying to dispel his own BO. I try, I really do, but as soon as the words have slipped past his tongue I roll my eyes. Levi clicks his tongue, and I flinch a little, what now?

"He's an idiot, but he's still your superior, brat. 50 laps. Now." Snaps Levi, turning and heading towards Eren who is stood with his mouth slightly ajar. "Feeling normal?"

"Y-Yes sir."

"Are you serious?" I laugh, looking from Levi to Petra who just blushes and nods her head. But before I can simply head off, and get the laps over and done with, Levi spins round and takes my feet out from under me. I smack into the mud, and do my best to ignore the guttural chuckles from Oluo.

"Personally I get the issue with discipline towards these idiots, but second guess me again Cadet? And you won't be getting back up."

I guess that small sense of comradery was short-lived.

I don't look up, just nod and wait till he's moved a little further away. Out of kicking range, and hopefully far enough that he won't notice how I'm shuddering. This damned inset reaction to him was getting annoying. I had lived in Titan territory for a fucking decade, yet this little midget had me shaking like a damned leaf whenever he even frowned at me. PTSD for a midget. Wow. What a terrifying creature I was. My pride couldn't take much more of this. I get up, and try to ignore the pathetic look Eren is giving me. Stupid kid was probably trying to blame himself for this; but I'd snap him out of it later. For now, I needed to exhaust myself lapping the damn compound.

"Oi brat, when you're done come eat with us in the private squad room. There are things to be discussed." Levi calls over in his bored tone.

"Another room to fucking find..." I grumble, but turn to give an off-hand wave, making Oluo only glare more. "Will do Captain. Just leave me a damned map!" and I run off out of earshot before extra laps can be added to my punishment.

* * *

Eventually, once my entire body is on fire and my feet feel like they are dead and rotting in my boots, I finally finish as the sun sets. It takes a while to find the damn place, but at last, I flail into the small room. The Levi Squad all look at me, and I wave lazily, going over and sitting down heavily next to Eren, at the opposite end of the table from Levi. I don't even bother looking round as I lay my head onto my arms, and let my muscles enjoy the moment of sweet, sweet calm. It was painful, but in all honesty the exertion had almost felt good.

The eye-roll was still worth it.

"Feeling more compliant after that?" Oluo mutters, and I just peer at him over my arm. He flinches a little.

"Towards the Captain? Yeah, a bit. Towards you fuckface? He didn't say anything about second guessing you. So stop mumbling at me, okay?"

"Of all the insolent little—" he whimpers as he bites his tongue, and I laugh down into the table. Petra, the strange little angel that she is, pours me a coffee and slides the cup over. I take a long sip, and nod at her thankfully, casting a cold look toward oluo who sit sucking his bleeding tongue. Go on choke on it, I could use another laugh.

"Doing a bang up job of imitating your Captain there, Oluo. Congrats. So what's this little get together all about anyway? We gonna braid each other's hair and share stories?" I say, sitting up and enjoying all the bone cracking that makes its way up my spine. Glorious. Levi's nose wrinkles at the popping noises, but just sips his tea for a moment, before placing it down and nodding at Eren.

"We were discussing an upcoming mission that Erwin has planned."

"Sounds like fun. How many people is he planning on kidnapping?"

The room goes quiet, very quiet indeed.

"Look, mission planning is not part of my duty." States Levi, staring intently at his coffee mug all of a sudden. "But you can be assured Erwin has meticulously planned every aspect."

And there it is again, that inherent mistrust. He says the words, and intends them to be sincere, and everyone else at this table seems calmed by them. But I see it there. The conflict of interest. For some reason he doesn't trust Erwin; and I now wonder if it was partly Erwin's fault that Levi lost whoever it was. I'd crack you yet Levi. Just wait.

"So you don't know all the details?"

"Excuse me?"

"Kinda seems to me like you're wondering if you've been told everything. Does Erwin regularly withhold information before a mission?" I look all around the group with my loaded question. Eren just sits back a little, shrinking into his seat as he gets further out of his depth. The others look amongst themselves, not entirely sure how to answer that. Or how to dodge the question. When I get back round to Levi, I find him glaring at me. A cold sensation crawls up my spine. But I try my best to hold back the shivering. Not now, not in front of this lot. Especially Oluo.

"You have no right to question the Commander, rat."

"I wasn't, I was asking you if he withheld information. Not saying it's a negative thing, just seems a little odd, considering how in tune you all have to be presumably whilst out on patrol." I reply, finding the silence to thicken somehow. I drink my coffee, and wait for someone to be kind enough to explain what I'd said wrong now. For tough soldiers, this lot were oddly sensitive at times.

"And how would you know how in tune we are?" Levi grumbles, clicking his tongue in clear irritation. I look around the group again, and see them staring intently. They want to know too obviously. "You haven't seen any formation layouts, I've specifically prevented you from seeing them."

"I know because I've _seen_ your formations out in the field obviously? I'm not blind. You've travelled through the forest where I lived many times, and always seemed to be in some kind of… formation or… planned out route. Heck, if I'm wrong, apologies. But that's what it looked like from where I sat."

"How often did you spy on us?" demand Oluo stupidly, I snort and raise my brows at him.

"I didn't spy, I'd notice you lot trundling along and watch. Made a change from watching Titans lumber about, or fall over."

"So lazy spying, but still spying, wench." He continues, growing a little red in the face. I laugh a bit, but when I see the rest of them watching me just as closely I groan. They were serious?

"Spying implies intent, I simply lived there and you happened to go by. Not like I ever did anything with the information, except elude you occasionally. Why? Worried I'll report to the Titans and tell them your master plan?"

The expression on Oluo's face almost makes me wonder if he thinks I can do that. I laugh a little, and shake my head at them all. This regiment, the hope for humanities survival, was just as clueless as the rest, weren't they? They were flying blind.

"You lot seriously need to get a grip, paranoia much?"

"Says the woman second guessing the Commander." Snaps Oluo, and I just put my head back onto the table, little giggles still leaving me at the idiocy of all this. I was too tired to pretend otherwise.

"Yeah I've been corralled, imprisoned, tortured and hoodwinked into service by that guy. Of course I'm a little apprehensive about him telling me what to do. Who the hell wouldn't be?"

"A good soldier." Snaps Levi.

"I've never claimed to be that. And I haven't done _anything_ to make you distrust me. Except live outside the walls. Bit of a difference, isn't there? Along with the fact you lot keep looking at Eren in the same way, despite the kid's _obvious_ dedication to your damned cause."

"Eren is a new concept Alex," says Petra quietly, almost pleadingly. I look over at her with raised brows. She's blushing, and biting her lip a little, but looks sincere enough. She wants me to stop digging myself a hole I guess. Can't be bothered with another trip to the infirmary. "It's not that we don't trust Eren, we simply don't understand him yet."

"Speak for yourself woman." Snorts Oluo, casting a shadey look at the kid. "I don't trust him yet, for all we know he'll turn Titan on us any second."

"Oh you're right, look at that evil little face currently blushing at being the centre of attention. Such dastardly deeds do linger behind those big green eyes." I drawl staring at Oluo, who is still turning redder somehow. Is he turning inside out?

"You won't be joking when he does it!"

"No, you're right… _if_ he does it… I'd _probably_ be dead? Not much joking then right?"

"Alex…" sighs Petra, putting a hand over her face. Again with the mothering. I yawn, and shrug my shoulders, this lot were no fun at all. It's not like we're fighting for the continuation of our species or anything. Then again…

"Tough crowd. Oh shit… how's your head Eren? I completely forgot to ask you."

"F-Fine…" he stammers, and I peer at him, seeing his eyes flicker from me to the Squad around us. He was still intimidated by them, even if he wasn't scared. He'd already told me they weren't treating him too badly, but they continued to belittle him. And distrust him. And generally look at him like he was a circus freak. Poor kid. He was going through adolescence rammed up to 200%. I understood their distrust of me, as much as I didn't like it; but this kid was so obviously on their side… damn they were idiots. How could you not trust that face? It was so pathetically honest.

"You're a good fighter, y'know?" I nudge him, hoping to raise his spirits. A small smile tugs at his lips, and he touches the paling bruise. "Just need to pick up your speed a bit."

"Suddenly you're an expert on hand-to-hand?" mutters Levi into his coffee. I click my tongue, and raise a brow at him.

"Nothing wrong with encouraging the kid is there?"

"The brat doesn't need your counselling."

"Probably needs it more than your contempt."

"Oh?"

"He's a kid, and this is all probably kinda frightening to him. I understand that you're the hardnosed badass of the Scouting Legion, but he's like… what, fifteen? He's already given Humanity it's first _ever_ victory hasn't he? Cut the kid some slack."

"He's still an unknown potential threat, brat, don't forget that."

"And yet he sits here and looks you all in the eye, whilst Oluo here nearly wets himself if the kid sneezes."

"I did not!" blurts out the wimp in question, a little too loudly to be convincing. But as the smirks grow on his comrade's faces he snarls, and jabs an accusing finger my way. "Plus, you flinch whenever Levi even looks at you."

I send him a fierce glare but he just smirks at me. I quickly look at Levi, and find him still frowning into his coffee, though his mouth is pressed into a thin line. Supressing laughter, or perhaps feeling shame? I look down at the table for a moment before continuing my glare at Oluo; I doubted Levi ever felt shame. Though I wonder what his laugh sounds like. Or if he's ever managed a laugh before, the shock might turn his hair white.

"I don't," I mutter, "But even if I did, the guy beat the shit out me what… three, or four times? Defensive reaction is only human nature."

"Or damned cowardice."

"Look that isn't my point."

"So what is?" asks Levi.

"This kid has done nothing but try to help, to serve humanity despite it's disregard for him, or his life. He signed up as a soldier, even before he knew about his powers. The intent is clear for me to see, not sure why you idiots can't…"

"You're putting him on quite the pedestal."

"Well maybe that's what he deserves?" I snap angrily, but as Levis cold eyes go between me, and the now tomato red Eren, a weird smirk takes over the thin lips.

"Taken quite the shining to you, brat, watch out,"

"S-sir?" Eren stammers, and I sense where Levi is going with this.

"Careful, brat. She might get unsavoury thoughts about you."

"Oh you're right, Captain, me defending the kid obviously means I want to jump his bones."

"Just suck Jeager's dick already, rat. Get it over with." Levi's cold voice almost sounds jovial as he makes his little joke. Everyone else is agape, staring as their eyes flit between me, and the Captain.

Game on, Levi, game on.

I sit back and drum my nails against the table top, meeting his eyes straight on.

"Kinky, you wanna watch Captain?" I rise to his challenge, only wishing Eren didn't have to be part of this dick measuring contest. I knew I'd win. Levi cared too much about his cool façade in front of his subordinates. But he started it. He shoots a look my way, and I just raise a brow, tilting my head as I lick my lips slowly. There's a weird grunt from Oluo's direction.

"Well, if you're offering a show." Mutters Levi, also sitting back a little.

Trying to call my bluff?

I smirk, and shake my head at him, winking as my smirk widens.

"No, you're demanding one, Captain. Though… I wonder why…"

I get up, and wander round the back of the other chairs, slowly walking towards him whilst maintaining eye contact. He doesn't even blink. I bite my lip, and fiddle with my collar, hands lingering near the opening of my shirt. His eyes flicker there for a moment, before returning to my gaze, unchanged. I think.

"Feeling frustrated Levi?"

"Get back to your seat, rat."

"Or what Captain?" I walk behind his chair, and talk into his ear in a hushed whisper, though still loud enough for the small room to hear. "Am I going to be punished some more? Do you like watching me sweat?"

"Don't be disgusting." Did his voice just shake a little? I grin, and chuckle, my breath wafting against his skin, and creating goose-bumps.

"You seem awfully tense there, something making you uncomfortable?"

"Your breath stinks."

"Hmm… your dick doesn't seem to think so. Trouser's feeling a bit tight there, Levi?"

"Hungry are we, Alexia?" I ignore the surge in my veins as he growls my name, when he turns and gives the slightest of smirks I feel it intensify. At this angle our lips are practically touching, and we hold our shared gaze as determinedly as each other. Everyone else is dead silent. I wasn't about to be outdone.

"You'd like that wouldn't you Levi? Let off some of that tension at long last, feeling me wrap my mouth round that… frustration?" I slowly let my eyes wander down him, then gradually bring them back up as I raise a brow, and pucker my lips. This close, I see his pupils dilate a little. There it is, the tell not even he can mask. I then sigh, lean in a little and straighten up sharply. "Sorry, love, you're not my type."

"Really?" he stands, and squares up to me, and I'm thrilled at the little gasp that comes out of Petra. Yup, it's quite the tent in his trousers isn't it? I wonder if she has a thing for the nasty ninja. The way he's glaring down at me, has me shivering, but it's the damn reflex, I know that. I know at this point he could easily send me to the floor, crumpled and bleeding. My hands shake, so I put them on my hips to mask it.

"Disappointed Captain?" I laugh, thankfully hiding the quiver to my voice.

"Tch, hardly. Just surprised, didn't think filth like you had a type. Other than maybe, something with a pulse."

"Someone's grumpy," I coo, pouting as I roll back on my heels, and waggle my eyebrows at him. "Has the Commander not bent you over his desk in a while?"

"You're vile."

"And yet your boner remains." I walk round behind him again, grazing the nape of his neck lightly with my fingertips, a triumphant smile on my face. He shudders, and shrugs me away, an angry snarl on his lips. "You may have a good poker-face Levi, but your body betrays you. Good night everyone. Oh and Levi, enjoy yourself tonight eh?"

"Fuck off, rat."

"Gladly." And I then nod to the rest of the group; all sat blushing profusely with mouths hanging open. The rest of their meeting might well prove a little awkward.

I head for my room with a small skip in my step. It had been a mixed day, and that was for sure. But I'd had some fun at least. We had a mission coming closer, and it was clearly a test for Eren. But I did wonder why I was supposedly being involved. The way Erwin had talked, I was going to have to exhaust all my knowledge of the gear, and outside world, before even possibly having that opportunity. If I really wasn't to be trusted, why even take me along? I sigh and lock my door; this place seemed to pile on questions whilst never giving answers. How tiring.

* * *

The next morning I'm awoken by a strange squawking noise. It sounds like a goat, and crow mashed into one creature. I groggily rub my eyes and sit up, scratching my head as the weird noise gurgles around. Is it outside? My window's closed so it isn't likely. But then I hear it coming down the corridor, getting louder, and somehow squawkier. The hell was going on?

BANG.

Something makes harsh contact with my locked door, and then continues to thump against it. Eventually the squawking dies down to rambling words, a few of which get through.

 _Sawney._

 _Bean._

 _Dead._

The hell was Sawney and what was the problem about a bean being dead? I recognise the jabbering as Hanji, and so I pull on my uniform as quickly as possible and open the door. She falls into the room, and sits there looking up at me in desperation.

"Hanji what the hell are you doing? And why are you talking about beans?"

Apparently she'd been experimenting on two live Titans caught by the Legion. And now they had been found murdered. I head over to the holding pen with her, riding along as she continues to jabber about the injustice of it all. I nod, and pull all the correct expressions, whilst wondering what the hell she was talking about.

Murder?

Of a Titan?

Surely that didn't count as a crime, or as injustice? To them at least. I never pitied the creatures, but the way she talks about Titans, as real people. I feel like they might have been shifters. But I stop myself. A shifter would have escaped long before now, even if bound up. It was just empty Titans; mindless beasts. I knew the woman was oddly interested in the beasts, but it sounds like she's talking about a lost pet dog. A valued member of her family. For a moment this makes me understand her willing to retain my secret, she sees me as this valuable as well? But then it quickly gets weirder as she explains all the experiments she'd been doing. I had wondered why I hadn't seen her as much; but I'd never expected this as the answer. And I was very grateful she hadn't decided to experiment on me, although that could well change now.

As we arrive in the area flooded with Cadets, I see the steam still rising from two great skeletons. It hadn't happened long ago then. Everyone's whispering and looking around, a figure stood in a very obvious hooded cloak watches it all unfold. I head over, and pat Eren's shoulder. He jumps a little, but smiles when he sees it's me.

"Who do you think could've done it?"

"Considering my track record, I am withholding judgement, kid. As long as no one is pointing the finger at me, I'm good."

"You think they will?"

"Probably, despite the fact I didn't even know these things were being kept here."

"We didn't see the point in telling you, rat." Mutters Levi, suddenly appearing next to us. I jump a little, and give a small nod to the creepy man. He doesn't meet my eye, presumably sulking about our little exchange last night. It wasn't my fault, he started the damn stand-off. I simply finished it.

"Not an issue, just pointing out I _can't_ have done it. Before anyone decides it _had_ to be the crazy one from over the walls."

"You're not under suspicion."

"My, my, rational thinking? Whatever next…"

"We should leave, the Military Police will take it from here."

"And what, pray tell, are the fun things we get to do today? Laps? Hand-to-hand pointlessness? 3DMG demonstrations? Kicking Oluo?"

"Formation learning for Eren, and you'll be helping me tend the horses."

Well that takes the damn biscuit, no, it took the whole biscuit tin.

I was here for giving out information, that was the deal, and yet I was to be shovelling shit? I turn to him in amazement, realising something else; was I seriously expected to go out on a mission without knowing the formation? He just stares me down, finally meeting my gaze, but makes no move to explain this fresh idiocy. I glance around but see no sign of the Golden Boy, it seems I can still talk freely.

"And how am I meant to know what to do on the mission, when I don't know the damned formation beyond what little I've _spied_ over the years?"

"You're going to protect Eren with your skills at killing Titans, as long as you're with Eren, it's all good." He replies, starting to walk away.

Well I wasn't putting up with that as an answer.

I squeeze Eren's arm, and chase after the Captain. This is bullshit and he knows it. We've already left the main holding area, and I catch up to him where the number of cadets is greatly thinned. He hears my footsteps and glances over his shoulder.

"Eager to begin your work, brat? Good."

"What is the big secret? And what's the problem with me knowing—"

"That isn't important. You're not allowed to know, leave it at that."

"Fine then, keep me in the dark. Though can I ask one thing before we go shovel horse-shit?"

"What is it?" he groans.

"If I do well on this mission, will I get even a shred of trust, or respect, from you or this team?"

"Why?" he asks, properly turning to me finally.

"Because otherwise what's the fucking point?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just throw me back in that cell, get all the information you want out of me, then let me go." I reply in a long sigh. If this was all just to wear me down, it made more sense to do so in a cell. There was also a lot less danger of me being found out down there. It didn't matter how hard I tried, nothing in the surrounding area showed me where the walls were. I didn't know any more now, than I did on my first day, where I was. And if this automatic distrust continued; no one would ever tell me either. Transforming on the mission wasn't a real option either; the entire formation would _literally_ be in battle stations. I'd be dead in seconds.

With eyes narrowed, he looks me up and down.

"And it bothers you so much now because…?"

"Because if I can't at least walk into a room without getting some semblance of comradery, I might as well carry on despairing at Humanity from inside a cell. The playing pretend is getting tiresome."

"So you hate Humanity, and yet you want some chums?" he scoffs in a weird bark. I roll my eyes.

"I'm not asking for friends, simply some basic civility."

"My team are trained in survival. You are a potential threat to that, so of course they're wary."

"And the rest?"

"I don't control the damn regiment."

"But Erwin does, and he seems hell bent on maintaining this distrust of me. Why?"

"Because it keeps you controlled, you idiot!" he snaps, waving his hand in dismissal, but my reflex is to flinch back, hands up in defence as my body expects a swift slap to the face. I stand there, frozen as my heart hammers in my ears, and sweat forms on my brow. He's frozen too, staring at me, eyes slightly widened as he sees my reaction. Oluo's words echo around us, and I slowly straighten up, fighting back against the blush on my cheeks.

"Apologies, Captain, I'll keep that in mind." I mutter, making to walk past him before the weirdness can continue any longer. But as I pass him by, he catches my wrist, and unfortunately makes me flinch all over again. The quivering takes over my body, and I blush brighter. "L-Let me go."

"You're really that frightened of me…"

"Frightened is a s-strong word Captain, more like muscle memory." I snap back at his condescension. I won't be belittled for having survival instincts. "I can still take you down, so d-don't think—"

"Just shut up for once, idiot." He growls, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look… I'm not sorry for what I did. I don't regret how I treated you in that cell, you were a suspect and I stand by my actions. Regret isn't something I allow myself—"

"I never asked for a fucking apology, Captain."

"I know you didn't. However…" he glances to the side, and I see Hanji stood with Petra, Oluo and Eren talking. "You could prove immensely useful to this team, if you stopped being an ass for five minutes. And I can't have a member of my team flinching whenever I go past. Fucking ridiculous."

"Y'know belittling me isn't helping this situation."

"I'm not. Least that isn't my intention. Just know though, in preparation for the mission, I have to consider you as part of my Squad. Therefore you are an ally. I don't trust you, but I'm also not going to turn on you. Got it?"

"Man up and stop flinching, loud and clear." I doff my head and make to move away, but he just holds onto my wrist tighter. "If you have something else to say Levi, _please_ spit it out _before_ you break my damned wrist?"

"You're right to be wary of him." He murmurs quietly, eyes still glancing to the side. I follow his gaze and see that Erwin has joined the group, stood with a hand on Eren's young shoulders, talking with a serious look. What the hell was he telling the kid? I look back at Levi, and see the dilemma in his face; he doesn't want me to be insubordinate, but I think he also doesn't want me to start doubting my suspicions. Was he trying to protect me?

"Thank you…"

"Just keep it to yourself a little more, okay Brat? He's a pompous ass, but a powerful one. Don't make an enemy out of him if you can help it. Doesn't end well."

"He got them killed didn't he?" I say it before I can really think it through. His grip tightens again for an instant, almost cracking my bone I'm sure, before he lets go and steps back a little. His eyes scan over me, a hint of disbelief in his sharp features. "Whoever it was you lost? I'm guessing he played a large role in their death. I won't ask anything else about it Levi, but I appreciate you telling me what little you have."

"You don't—"

"You're a prick most of the time, and I'd gladly return the favours you paid me in that cell. But under than I think you're a decent human-being, and that isn't something I've thought about a lot of people."

"Right…"

"I guess I'll earn your trust Levi, and I'll focus on that for the time being. If I'm on your Squad, then that's that. You're my Captain, not that blonde sack of lies, schemes and shit. I may not have yours yet Levi, but… shit… you just earned my respect." I admit with a weird smirk on my lips. He frowns at me, though the expression clears as I salute sincerely. "I suspected you were more than a loyal dog, and it's nice to know I was right about something for once."

"Let's get shovelling shit, shall we, brat?"

"I'd rather not talk to Erwin if I can avoid it, sir." I laugh, mounting my horse as he does the same. He shakes his head, but leads the way out of the holding area towards the stables, and I swear I see a small smile threatening to break free.

* * *

 **I hope this counts as picking up the pace a little, don't want anyone getting bored!**

 **See you next time; please review, leave a follow and or favourite if you so wish!**


	7. Chapter 7

**HELLO! Thank you so much for everyone's patience and for anyone that re-read the redone sections!**

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 **Wymp: I'm glad you do like it, I'm well aware of how many bad OC's are out there, and I am humbled by your praise of my writing. Thank you, means a lot, really! I hope the story continues to please/meet your standards!**

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 **Thanks again, hope you enjoy! Fran.**

* * *

The conversation between me, and Levi veers off after that; becoming nothing more than a few snippets of chit-chat. I reckon he simply doesn't enjoy chatting, whilst shovelling shit, in fact he probably doesn't enjoy chit-chat in general. However I'm not all that bothered; I don't know what else to say to him at this point, and I don't want to push my luck. His warning about Erwin is right at the front of my mind, even distracting me from the fact a Captain was cleaning the stables. Why on earth was he here? For a split second I wonder if he's here for me, keeping an eye on me, or even wanting to spend time with me? Then I just snort, and work a little faster, that was plain stupid. He probably just likes horses better than cadets. And as I brush some dry hay into place, I see him lovingly brush down a jet-black horse. I think it's the first time I've seen real warmth enter those gimlet eyes. A slight quirk takes to his lip, lifting to the slightest of smirks as he tends to what I can only assume to be his own steed.

Affection.

The plot thickens.

"You done staring yet, creep?" he doesn't look my way, but he raises an eyebrow all the same. I blush a little, and finish up what I'm doing.

"Was just wondering if you wanted a moment alone with the Stallion."

"Didn't seem like you wanted to leave. Kind of seemed like you were content watching."

"Now, now, Captain, we know where these conversations go. Your pony might get jealous." I chuckle, wiping my brow, and replacing the broom in its cupboard. H continues his work, frowning a little, and I wonder if he's still a little put out from our last sass match. The air has become a little too awkward, even for me. I turn and rock on my heels. "Think I'm done here, okay if I go practise some hand-to-hand, sir?"

He pauses as the word slips from my mouth without issue. It surprises me in all honesty, and I taste no bitter venom either. For some reason, it seemed to suit him now. But when he glances my way, I make sure that my expression is as nonchalant as ever. Despite the fact, internally, I'm pacing round wondering whether or not that was the right thing to do. Would he think I was a push-over now? Nah, he wasn't that stupidly arrogant. Would he try and be an ass about me saying it? Nah, probably not, he might even think he imagined it.

"Not bad." He says, surveying my side of the stable. "I don't see why not. Just don't go knocking Jeager out again, if he happens to be there."

"Won't do. Not planning on making it a habit… though… if Oluo's there? Could I?"

"If you must." He sighs. "Just don't let him choke on his tongue?"

"I'll staple it to his chin instead, got it!" I call back as I head into the afternoon sunlight. It was a warm, muggy day, and I peel off my jacket before I even enter the ring.

Really I just want to do some practise; get my form right, and ensure my stance is strong. Having a stable foothold seemed important around here. Whispering came, and went with the light breeze; and for once it isn't about me. No one knows who killed those Titans, and I still can't help but frown at the irony. Usually they'd be so happy about two dead Titans. And yet I feel like I'll be seeing them wearing black any second. Then again, I think as I practise some spin kicks, it wasn't the dead Titans they were worried about, it was who had done it. Against orders. Against the regiment learning more in order to succeed. It was clearly an attack on the regiment, not Titans. Hence my want to get a good handle on my fighting technique. Somehow this place seemed to be getting more dangerous.

"Fancy a rematch?" I hear Eren call over, I wave over in agreement, not pausing in my movements. He heads over, hopping into the ring and shrugging off his coat. I halt my foot mid-air, it hovers just short of his nose when he turns round, and makes a small squeaking noise.

"Sure thing, kid. Just don't take a nap this time, all right?" I lower my foot, and head to the other side of the ring. He scratches the back of his neck, whilst his ears turn red.

"I'll give it my best shot."

"Glad to hear it, let's go."

We dance about, and he makes a good few lunges at me. He even cracks me on the ribs a few too many times, and I know a fresh bruise is blossoming there as we continue our dance. I've given him a dead arm, and sent him to his arse a few times too, so really we're pretty even at this point. The afternoon draws on into evening, but neither of us is letting up. Neither of us is tiring. Two Titans boxing it out; except I'm the only one aware of the even playing field. I'm almost tempted to let the kid in on the secret, his big green eyes swimming with guilt whenever he lands a hit on me. He thinks it'll hurt for a week at least, when really it'll only pinch for a few days.

How would he react?

I watch those intense, turquoise, orbs as they watch me, and try to deduce my next move. They were so open, so easily read, and passionate. Was he capable of listening to reason? Or did his gut reaction win every time? Did he hate all Titans without question? I have to do some digging. If this mission went awry, and I had to change it could be vital. Having him on side, might make the difference between the squad ending me, or allowing me back into my cell. I was under no illusion that I'd be accepted. They'd be afraid, they'd be furious. I shudder at how Levi would react, when learning I was actually a shifter. That I'd lied. It was in order to survive, which I'm sure he'd understand, but that amount of logic would take some work to break through his mania. I shiver. The silhouetted Captain chilling my bones as he looms in my mind. I need to get this sorted. And the kid was my only real chance.

"So Eren… seen much of Hanji today?"

"Enough of her, yeah. Why?"

"Just wondering how she's doing after her losses."

"She seemed to be recovering pretty well, she's still pissed off, but apparently I make a decent conciliation prize…"

"Her words?"

"Obviously." He smirks, and I make my move, swinging down with my legs. He squawks, lunges, misjudges it and lands on his arse. But soon enough he's up, and returning the attack. I dodge, I twist, but still he lands a few blows. He'd picked up speed since I mentioned it. Damn.

"How does it feel though?" I ask, inching closer to my real question. My real curiosity. He pauses, panting as he holds his hands up defensively, looking me over suspiciously. I think he suspects me of simply trying to distract him.

"How does… How does what feel?" he pants, shifting his weight all the while. He was staying on his toes this time, he was improving as fast as I was. Soon we might be decent fighters. Maybe.

"To be under her scrutiny all the time? To have her watch you?"

"It's weird… but I get that she wants to learn. She's just trying to help humanity. That's what counts. Why? I thought you liked Hanji."

"I never claimed that I didn't!" I laugh, jabbing at him, and bouncing back as he swings out with a kick. That would have hurt. "I was just wondering, I mean I'm under some scrutiny, but you're literally being studied."

"Better than being dissected."

"Was that seriously the alternative?"

"Yep, and joining the Scouts was always my dream. I just never realised I could be as much help as I think I will be… if I learn to control it…" he pauses, and lowers his hands.

Instinct tells me to strike, and strike hard, but this niggling return of my human side stays my attack. I see all the doubt he harbours for himself, past battles flashing across his young mind. I'd heard from Hanji that he'd attacked a good friend of his, that he hadn't even recognised the girl. The kid looked guilty at landing a few punches, what the hell was he doing himself over that? I shiver again, suddenly very thankful for my lack of human connection. Humans were messy.

I reach out, and ruffle his hair, the green eyes crinkle in a half-hearted smile.

"You will."

"You really think so?"

"The amount of sheer determination in you kid, could tame twenty Titans, you'll do fine." I assure him, and the green eyes almost seem convinced.

I flip the coin.

Do I tell him, or don't I?

"Do you really know more about the Titans? Or are you just trying to stay alive?"

He seems so open minded; he doesn't even seem angry that I might _not_ know any more than him. He also doesn't seem annoyed that I could be harbouring vital information. Would he accept me? Would he still see me as a person? Really he was the one person that should. But he was still just a kid, logic wouldn't always apply. I'd never told anyone; no one fully conscious anyway. My parents had assumed it was another of their drunken dreams, laughing about it groggily the next morning. Hanji had found out on her own, and barely even talked to me about it. And I'd certainly never met another shifter, as far as I was aware anyway. Were we the same? Me and Eren?

He sees my dilemma, only he doesn't know the underlying question. He draws a long breath, sharp eyes glancing all around as he straightens up and holds out his hand. I go tense as I consider him having figured it out.

"Or am I about to shake the hand of another shifter?" he asks, calmly, with a hint of a frown.

I answer him with a choke. It was the equivalent of shouting yes, whilst jumping up and down holding a banner proclaiming the same in giant lettering. Whether he had suspected for long beforehand or not, he now knew for certain. His eyes widen, but his hand remains outstretched. It shakes a little, but it lingers. I swallow hard, and shake his hand, holding his gaze with sincerity. Two Titans, on an even playing field.

"I agreed to serve in this regiment, and that is what I plan to do Eren. Regardless of my biology. I've been assigned to protect you on the mission, and that is what I'll do." I hold onto his hand, and he pauses, staring at our handshake. His lips purse into a thin line.

"You're really going to help us?"

"That's what I agreed to Eren, and when I agree to something, I mean it. I hold to my word."

"I believe you… But what the hell are you gonna do when the rest find out? Hanji'll freak, she'll demand information, she'll—"

"She already knows." I sigh, finally releasing his hand as I pace round the ring. He watches me, looking me up and down, with his new knowledge ringing in his ears. "The only reason I was able to get out of that cell, was because of her clearing me as a normal human. Otherwise I'd still be under scrutiny for potentially being the Colossal."

"The Colossal?" he repeats in a whisper, eyes becoming glazed over as tears well up. I stop my pacing, and approach him again, putting my hands to his cheeks, and waiting till he's actually looking at me. I feel ice flow through my veins when he does. This kid had seen way too much.

"I'm not him, I didn't cause all this havoc. I despair at the ways of humanity, and gladly give them a kick in the gut when needed. But _I_ didn't bring that hell to your door, Eren. I despise what humanity has become, but there's still a glimmer of hope in me that it can be redeemed. I just never believed I could help in that mission…"

"And so you left."

"Yeah… I didn't see any point in letting myself linger, and become just like the rest of them. So yeah… I got up, and left, never looking back."

"They really thought you were the Colossal…"

"I promise I'm not him Eren, please, _please_ bel—"

"I believe you…" he sounds so confused by this. "What kind of Titan are you?"

"I…" I laugh a little, scratching the back of my head, stepping away from him again to allow breathing room. When Hanji had veered towards specific questions about my Titan form I'd felt defensive, worried, and above all frightened. Yet now, with Eren I felt eager to share. I feel my own prejudice staring down at me. I judged Hanji as a threat, because she wasn't like me. That was it. I swallow my apologies, which I'd have to voice to Hanji eventually, and smile at the curious boy.

"You don't have to tell me… sorry… I was just wondering."

"No, no Eren it's fine… I'm just not used to talking about it. Except with squirrels."

"Good conversations with them?"

"Surprisingly so actually… but in all honesty, I don't really know what kind of Titan I am. My height varies, depending on what I want to do… and I've only seen the wavy reflection from streams. So I don't really know what I look like…"

"Are you armoured at all? L-like the one that broke through the wall?"

"I am when I need to be. I got caught in a rockslide a few years back, so changed, very aware of the fact I needed armour. And there it was. Thick black shards of armoured skin… like crystal or something. And you know the really weird thing? It never disintegrated…"

"Huh?" he tilts his head, and I feel a small surge of excitement talking to someone about this at last. But I calm myself, not wanting to overshare, or overwhelm the kid.

"Look, Eren. Basically, I think my Titan is at adapting… I think. I'll tell you all I can Eren, I promise, this is some scary shit you're dealing with. And I won't pretend that I fully _understand_ it… but… I at least know how to control mine." I say, and hold my hand out to him again. "Allies?"

"I'd prefer friends?" he laughs, taking my hand strongly and shaking.

"I'd prefer that too. Keep this between us, okay, kid?"

"Sure thing, old lady. Though… can I ask one more thing?"

"Shoot."

"Why didn't you admit to a shifter, but try and explain that you weren't the Colossal? You're pretty smart, so must've known it'd come out eventually."

We begin our little dance around each other again, sinking into our fighting stances as I consider my answer.

"Because at that point, they wanted an answer, more than they wanted the truth."

"Surely they're the same, Alex."

"Not when the answer you're looking for, is having the Colossal in custody, and therefore unable to make further attacks. And the truth is, neither they, nor I, know anything about that monster. Not when it'll attack again, or why it attacked in the first place. Answers, and truth are worlds apart. Lies can be answers just as easily, Eren. Never forget that."

"Wise old maid, aren't you?"

"Proverbs work very well on squirrels." I chuckle, and he joins in. He's completely right of course, it would come out eventually, and I'd pay the price. Whether it was out on a mission, or when I finally became unable to contain my temper. Then I'd have to face the music; and the Captain's fury. I focus on our fighting, trying to ignore the quivering at the base of my spine.

Despite my shivers, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my mind. If I had to change on this mission, if protecting Eren called for it, I would at least have a potential two people fighting in my corner. Defending my intent. Hanji would desperately plea to at least study me, and Eren would vouch for me as best he could. I didn't really know what to expect from the upcoming mission; I'd seen them on plenty, and watched them rush past, but I never really knew what they did out there, or why they came.

We dance, we strike out. But as the sun begins to properly head towards the horizon, we pick up the pace, wanting to finish off before we're left to dwindle in the darkness. I'm frankly surprised we'd been left to our own devices for so long. But then I glance towards HQ. There were plenty windows, and behind which lingered many eyes. We had probably been watched the whole time. At the idea of this, I grit my teeth, and swing a little harder than before. Eren squawks as he misjudges my trajectory again, and lands in a heap. Groaning as the day's work weighs him down.

I stand, and hold my foot over his throat, without touching obviously, but meaning for him to yield. Then we could go eat at long last. He lies there, staring up at the sky as it turns to a blood orange.

"You fucking did it again… damn it!"

"Hey you're still awake aren't ya—"

A red scarf invades my vision, and I feel two vice-like hands grip my arms to wrench me away from Eren. I only assume they'll be lunging for another attack. I drop and roll, flipping back towards the treeline, where I scamper up a few branches like a nimble cat. Cowardly, but nimble. But the woman - at least I think it's a woman... It could easily be a cannon ball in uniform, judging from the bruising now covering my upper arms. She looks at me in hatred. It seemed as though I inspired this emotion with very little effort. Quite the talent I'd picked up. I stare back, panting as I feel the blood flow in my arms start up again. Ow.

"Mikasa wait!" shouts Eren, stumbling over and putting a hand on her tensed shoulder. I'm still catching my breath, and thank my lucky stars I was still able to make a quick getaway. They'd held me prisoner for so long, I hadn't climbed a tree in ages. But apparently it was built in. The 'woman' called Mikasa, slowly loosens up a little, and turns her head to Eren. Quick, dark eyes scan his neck, then dart all over him as he stands holding onto her shoulder. He looks angry, before becoming confused. Presumably he wasn't sure where the hell she had come from either. Glad I wasn't the only one at a loss.

I sit down on the branch, and give a little wave to the psycho, who Eren is still trying to fully calm down. And I thought I had a horrible temper, sheesh. Her pale pink lips draw back over her white teeth, and she hisses up at me.

"Touch him again, and—"

"Mikasa stop!"

"But she hurt you." She states, turning to him blankly, though her dark eyes quickly scan all over him, once again checking for wounds. At first, I think she has to be his girlfriend, but the body language is all wrong between them. A sibling? They look nothing alike. Creepy cousin? I just stare her down when she shoots me a look. Can she hear my thoughts?

"Look love, we were training. He's okay. Nothing a dust down, and maybe ice-pack won't cure. Calm your tits?"

"You're the wild woman."

"I've been called worse…"

"The one they found over the walls."

"Alexia Senefold, painful to meet you." I wait a few seconds, but she remains just as tense, and just as ready to attack. I shift my weight a little. "Can I come back down there? You planning on keeping your hands to yourself?"

"Are you?"

"Touché…" I simper, and she stares at me for a long moment before giving a small nod. I jump down, and hold out my hand out to her. Eren shuffles over a little, so he's stood in between us, and he nudges the woman's arm roughly. She sighs, and shakes my hand; it's difficult but I manage to almost match her hand-shake with my own. A little irritation enters her eyes. Oh dear.

"You need to be more careful in training." She says everything so calmly, and yet I feel threat in every word. It was very unnerving. Once she has relinquished her assault on my hand, I take a small step back and shrug at her, ignoring the tightening of her eyes. She was formidable clearly, but had the sensibilities of an overbearing mother, who was the age of a toddler. I wasn't about to start putting up with juvenile bullshit, just because she happened to be a juvenile battering ram.

"Being careful isn't much of an option on the battlefield, is it?"

"You won't be fighting _him_ on the battlefield though will you?"

"Time can only answer that question."

"Excuse me?" she spits, teeth bared for a second. And I wonder how much of a difference Eren standing there will actually make. I hold her gaze, and I sense she isn't used to someone being able to do that. Her dark eyes seem to glow as she waits for me to drop my gaze. But I won't. I'd looked down the barrel of guns, and I'd stared down everything from a Titan, to a damn mountain lion. Little girl, you were freaking weirdly strong, and admittedly intimidating, but I'm not the kind of monster you want to poke with a stick.

"I'm not saying I'm _planning_ on having issue with Eren, but at this point I have way more enemies around here, than allies. Just not wanting to lie to you. Would you rather I lied?" I ask, tilting my head, and watching her compute my words. The dark eyes are still tight, but her mouth relaxes a little. Then she turns to march away, dragging Eren by the arm all the while. It had to be creepy cousin… there's a small group gathered near the end of the ring. I suppose they were enjoying the show.

"Just watch yourself, wild woman."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Brat! Get over here." I hear the angry call of the Captain and jog over, ignoring the look I get from the Mikasa Machine as I pass her, and her property by. Poor kid is blushing himself into oblivion. I stop in front of Levi, and give a little salute. He frowns. "I do remember saying, _don't_ make him go Titan?"

"You said don't knock him out, actually." I reply, but step back a little from his unimpressed glare. I pout a little, pointing at the very much human sized Eren tomato. "He didn't turn."

"You nearly kicked him unconscious, _again_ , we don't know yet what exactly sets him off." He's simply stating it, the other cadets, many of whom I don't recognise, all shrink back. They seemed to be brand new rookies, just arrived. Did they find that little speech scary? Oh come on, this was him calm. They were going to shit themselves when they saw him mad. Or sneeze.

"Well then, you can cross off a kick to the ankle. Landed on his arse with a squeak. But no Titan!" I laugh and he just stares me down, I sigh and nod. "I really did try and not break him this time."

"I'm sure it was a sterling effort." He drawls, nodding to Eren before turning and leaving, dragging Oluo with him before the sour-faced idiot can bite his tongue again. I watch them go and sigh, I wasn't doing laps at least. That was a win in my book.

I turn to talk with Eren, but find him gone. I look, and see the ghost of movement rounding the building towards the compound. Where the heck were they going? I jog after them, only slowing as I consider they _might_ be together romantically. And I wasn't a peeping tom. But I hear a collection of voices; and feel fairly certainly Eren isn't into orgies. Not at his age anyway.

I round the corner and see him, with his personal body-guard, stood talking with a bunch of kids their age. But they don't bare the wings of freedom. More new recruits? Then it clicks. These were the kids from his class right? The ones who hadn't chosen a regiment yet. And they had… they chose this one? I walk over, hearing a vague conversation going on. These kids had clearly already seen a lot of shit, and yet they signed up for here. Either they were brave, and driven by loss to do their best for humanity. Or they'd seen enough, and wanted out the game altogether. I don't know whether to pity them, or do them a favour and slice their throats now.

But as I see Eren look amongst his friends, I see a new light enter those eyes. He's happy. I'd seen him amused, even elated, but never actually happy. I suppose these other kids, were the closest he had to actual allies. Then again… A sandy-haired kid, with a dark colour undercut is approaching him from behind, and he looks a little hostile. I approach the group, but know full well, the Oriental looking she-wolf will easily deal with a threat. I just don't fancy having to clean it up afterwards.

Eren turns to the grumpy one, and gasps in disbelief. Clearly he wasn't someone Eren had expected to see. So either he was crap at his job, or he was a well-known coward who wanted to go to the MP's in the Capital. I realise my own contradiction as I stand next to Eren, ignoring the confused looks from the other children as I watch the horsefaced one glare at my fellow shifter. These guys were maniacs for wanting to go out, and seek the Titans, and yet I considered the MP's behind the walls cowards. But the fact was, that was pretty much your only options these days. Suicidal psycho with a death wish, or cowardly schemer who only wanted to live as long as possible. Damn we were a noble species.

"Marco is dead."

"W-what?" Eren doesn't seem to believe the horse-faced one, and I look around at the pained faces. Whoever this Marco kid had been, he'd obviously been a decent guy. Or very generous with his rations. "You're just kidding right?"

"I wish I could tell you he died nobly, or heroically… but the truth is…" the grumpy kid grits his teeth, looking like he wants to puke. "Truth is I don't know how he went out… he died alone. No one was there to see it happen."

This just sends my head off in a spin. What bloody difference did that make? In what world would watching your friend help them die? I look around as his words echo on the sunset bathed compound. They all look so sad. So mournful at this fact. I see the pain in Eren's eyes, and I can see that he blames himself somehow. I can't help it. I'm genuinely confused right now; is it because I've had little to no human contact for most of a decade, or because I'm simply a heartless bitch? Either way, I didn't understand this.

"What difference would it make?"

"Excuse me?" the kid called Jean looks at me in nothing more, or less, than absolute disgust. I'm used to this kind of sentiment by now, of course, but the ferocity in his eyes is staggering. This Marco kid had clearly meant a lot. Like… holy hell, I feel like I just slapped this kid's first born child, and called it a pig.

"I just don't get why you seeing him die would make a difference?"

"It was more that he died alone, who the hell are you anyway?"

"She's the wild woman from over the walls." Mikasa is kind enough to state.

I roll my eyes at the 'wild woman' tag I seem to be getting. I wonder if I should grow my hair out, let myself get really muddy, and run around in a damned loin cloth. I wasn't a savage. Well, not most of the time. Though it was true, my dinner table etiquette could probably use some work. I simper a little; considering the outright disturbed expression of Levi if I did this. His precious clean floors. Such a scandal.

Jean glances at Mikasa with slightly wide eyes, slowly looking back at me, a weird sneer on his lips. Here we go.

" _This_ is her? Wow, bit of an anti-climax aren't you?"

"Ugh, look I've already gone through this with the other Cadets… can we skip the whole, _wow you're so disappointing, I expected some constantly Titan mauling machine with gnarled scars all over her. Damn you're short._ I meant no disrespect towards your friend, I simply—"

"I guess being alone for so long makes a person forget what being human means." He snaps, sneer gone as I bring the subject of Marco back round. I didn't want to linger on it, but I also didn't want to leave more bad feeling between me and other cadets. Like I said to Mikasa, I had enough enemies.

"I _guess_ it can, correct, but I just—"

"Marco was my friend, I hate to think that he died alone." He growls, looming over me, the heat to his gaze somehow further intensifying. I sigh and shake my head, looking up at his condescension with pity. He blinks at my lacking hostility.

"And he'd have hated you being there."

"The hell does that mean?!" He looks around, as though not believing the words that just plopped out my mouth. I just wait till he's stopped puffing, and hold his gaze with my own. The kid was just another lost soul, not knowing what the hell he was meant to do with this grief. He hadn't been prepared for it. I wonder if he had been prepared for anything.

"If this friend of yours died alone, that means he was the only one to die. Had you been there, you'd have also ended up Titan bait, wouldn't you?" I raise a brow at the kid, but he seems lost for words, his stubble free jaw opening and closing in a dumbfounded fashion. "I'm sorry you lost your friend, but just be thankful you're still here. Maybe being alone for so long, gives me a little more perspective… I dunno… we're all just trying to get by."

"I… I…" he stammers, blushing brighter and brighter as his false assumptions are brought to light. Practically every new recruit is blushing, even Mikasa looks a little sheepish as she looks to the side. Eren also blushes, but he's just ashamed of his friends I think. I feel like a bit of a tool right now. The only one who meets my gaze is a small blonde, with the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. Erwin would be pissed, there was a new blonde bombshell on camp. And he was adorable. Yet I still sense a little psycho there. Bubbling away beneath that composed little face.

"Welcome to the Scouts, kids. Oh, and for the record? It's Alexia, or Alex. As much as I like 'wild woman', I left my loin cloth costume in my treehouse. M'kay?" I say, backing away with a doff of my head. "I hope to get the honour of learning your names, before you die. Night!"

I see no reason to hang around, so I just head off, letting them stare after me. Weirdly I have the strongest urge to check on the horses. As though returning to normal chores, might avoid me getting a telling off for messing with new recruits. And funnily enough I find Levi there. He's putting a horse, not his own, back in its stall. He hears me enter, and gives a small huff of a laugh.

"Made yourself known to the rookies then?"

"A friendly bunch, I'll give them that."

"Really?"

"Well, they didn't jump me, or pummel me to the ground, so… yeah. So far they're definitely an improvement. Pass me the saddle, I'll put it away." He hands it over, and I brush it down before putting it with the others. I can feel him watching me. "So I'm guessing they're going to be coming along on this mission coming up in a day or so?"

"That's Erwin's intent, yes."

"Suppose this'll be the first time some of those kids have been outside the walls…" I mutter going over to the stable door, the top swung open to allow the sunset inside. I rest my arms against it, and sigh as a breeze shifts my spikey hair. I felt like today had been especially long.

"The formation will keep them grounded. Why do you care anyway, they're part of humanity. Thought you hated it."

"You know Levi, we've exchanged so many angry words by now, I find it amazing you remember anything I've ever said… but, really? I think my hatred towards Humanity has dulled a little, I'm just sick and tired of it."

"Of your hate, or Humanity?" he asks in his usual monotone void of emotion. He joins me, leaning on the door next to me, the sun is just sinking below the treeline now. Soon night will take over, and the mission will be one dawn closer. Soon I'll feel the free wind beneath me again.

Will I stay, or will I go?

I think of Eren all of a sudden; new to the shifting game. I didn't owe him anything, and yet I wondered if I really could help him. In fact, why do I want to? I rest my chin on my folded arms, and let my eyes droop, enjoying the setting sun's warmth on my face. I was getting too old for this shifting shit.

"Both?"

"Mm… Suppose you'll be eager to being closer to home."

"I think that's the first time you _haven't_ accused me of bailing, Captain."

"This is the first time I don't suspect it. For someone so tired of Humanity, you seem to be having no trouble interacting with us now." I peer through my lashes, but his eyes are trained on the horizon.

"This Humanity, and the one in the city? Big ass difference." I mutter into my arms.

"Know what you mean… you think those brats are gonna fuck it up?"

"I think they'll serve to the best of their ability. They've lost too much already to not fight like hell."

"Didn't really answer my question."

"I'm not really able to, my crystal ball has been acting up."

"You should get that checked out." He sighs, pushing off and walking away. "This mission is likely to be a shit storm Senefold."

"I would assume they all were, sir."

"True… but… this one I think will be especially deep in it." He pauses by the stable door, almost seeming to want to say more. But as I straighten, and turn to him, he catches my gaze and immediately walks away. Whatever coin he flipped in his sharp little mind, it had presumably landed. Whatever it was, I clearly didn't need to know. Not yet anyway.

"Hey, Captain?!"

He stops, and looks over his shoulder.

"Any actual advice for a mission newbie?" I don't really know why I bothered asking, he'll just smirk and walk on. Or he'll get angry at me demanding things of him. I run a hand through my hair, with a shrug.

"For someone who lives out there for a decade, you seem oddly nervous." He says, turning and looking me up and down. "Why is that?"

"Used to being alone, not used to the responsibility of other people."

"Right. Well, at this point? I'd say survive." He replies with a small nod, eyes casting towards the drooping sun. I wish I could read him better, I wish I knew what was going on in that damn head of his. "Just use everything in your ability to do that, and you'll be good."

I flinch a little at the use of 'ability' but calm myself. He didn't know. He'd have killed me already if he did.

"What happened to following orders, _sir_?" I laugh, covering up the quiver to my voice. He clicks his tongue, and nods again.

"How about I order you to survive? Protect Jeager… and protect yourself. It's all any of us can do. Get some dinner, cadet. It's getting late."

And he walks away, walking a little stiffer than usual till he rounds the corner. I'm left to stare after him; wondering if I'd actually been knocked out by Eren during training. Since when did the Captain care if I lived or died? Or was it simply because I was on his Squad now? Did that really change things so much? I groan, hands to my head as my confusion deepens.

Would I stay?

Or would I go?

* * *

 **Cheers for reading! Hope it was up to standard, and I look forward to seeing you next time! Hopefully it won't be as long before the next one, life becomes busy at the worst times doesn't it?**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again readers, I hope you enjoy this next installment, where everything really gets going!**

 **I am very grateful for your continued support, and patience, and hope to update on a weekly(ish) basis, but personal projects are rather taking up my time at the moment. However I do intend to continue this story, so your patience will be rewarded, if slightly irregularly sometimes.**

 **Apologies for that, but on we go!**

 **And also... sheesh I am so sorry about the lack of pairage, I really didn't mean for it to take this long. I swear! Coming soon I promise *hides in a corner***

 **Note: Spoilerage for No Regrets OVA, but nothing that isn't blatant about the content anyway, i mean... I say spoiler but... really if you don't guess at it, you have got to be kidding me! But still warning applied.**

 **Oh and I'd just like to reiterate, my appreciation for the wonderful story "The Hunter" by Aidashilan, which inspired me to make this story in the way I had originally intended. Had that story been so wonderful, I would have likely lost steam over this story, but thanks to her, on it goes! Please check it out, it's a great read! I even get to Beta read for it now XD isn't that awesome?!**

* * *

 **3rd Person POV**

Captain Levi walked straight past the mess-hall, completely ignored his saluting subordinates, and didn't stop till he had entered his office. The watching cadets assumed the Captain had important work to be dealing with, it wasn't long till the mission after all. Either that or he was rushing to a meeting with the Commander, or the wild woman had annoyed him again. Whichever it was, they knew well enough to stay out of the way. His warpath was something many of them would gladly swap for a Titan's.

Little did they know the turmoil in his scattered mind.

The quiet flooded round him, and he drew slow breaths as the last of the days light disappeared, smothering his office in gloom. His fists were clenched as he stood, waiting for his mind to calm. He had just told the wretch to survive. No, he had _ordered_ her to do that. What the hell was he thinking? H bangs his head off the door, and a snarl warps his lips. This situation was getting messier as each new day dawned. And he was sick of it. Sick of the lies, the charades, the constant tip-toeing around the point. It was tiresome.

It had been bad enough when they hauled her in; when she'd been so unruly, and out rightly hating them all. Yet as her demeanour calmed, as a slight sense of common ground was established, he felt the world get more, and more complicated. It was easier to hate someone, that actually consider them a human being. Yet every time she showed compassion, or a sense of morality, he felt himself shift. He felt regret haunt his mind.

This was sick.

He couldn't keep doing this.

Ever since the day they'd found out about that damned woman, Erwin had been fixated. Not only was she a suspected shifter, and one the Commander hoped to be able to utilise, if not prove as the Colossal and end this uneasiness. But she had supposedly survived out there for many years. The rumours of cadets spotting someone living in the forest went way back. A whole decade in fact. They had dismissed that idea right away, and yet she went and confirmed it. Ten years. This woman, a nobody from the depths of anonymity, had survived outside the walls for ten whole years. Levi gritted his teeth. So naturally Erwin wanted to reel her in, he wanted to use her, break her, turn her into his newest weapon in this fight. Without so much as a single though to the idea, she had her own life to lead.

Levi banged his head again. Since they'd agreed on all of it, since they'd tracked her, since they'd waited on that wall for her to come for supplies… he just couldn't get a grip. The composure he'd worked so hard to maintain whilst serving his dues. It was breaking apart piece by piece. Whenever he saw her; it all flooded back. The hate, the outrage, the intrigue, the fucking ridiculousness.

It was the life Isabel should have had.

It was the life they all should have had.

And yet she'd won it so simply.

This woman, so brash and unrelenting. He kicks off the door, and removes his cloak with careful fingers. It really had been a lot simpler when he had focused on the hatred. It was easier to hate, that anything else. She would be the end of him. He knew it. The way he'd thrashed her; his knuckles sting at the memory, his foot twitches, his knee aches. The way he'd tormented her, for hours on end. And all because her bright eyes had made him remember.

They'd made him regret.

And he'd done it, he'd stolen the light. Bit by bit, strike by strike, he smothered it in pain and suffering. Like she deserved? He clicks his tongue, the woman hadn't done a damn thing wrong. Not one thing. Okay she had stolen a few supplies, but from the damn Wall Garrison, what the hell did that lot use their gear for anyway? Other than running away when the time came. It was petty theft. That was all they could really attach to her name, and yet on he went, like a good little dog.

Persuade her, Erwin said.

Convince her, Erwin commanded.

Break her, Erwin demanded.

Levi sits at his desk, and traces the symbol on the back of his cloak.

They wouldn't want this.

They wouldn't want him to do this.

He sits back with a sigh, groaning at his uncertain mind. Every time she flinched back, momentarily showing that lingering fear, it made him sick. Not that she was afraid; frankly it was one of the few weaknesses he'd found. No matter the beating she took, she got up, no matter the despair she felt, she fought on. The woman was a damn machine. But those flinches, that instinct to cower, or shiver whenever he was a little too close. It made him regret. It made him feel like he was nothing more than that little thug, scrabbling in the dirt still. She did her best to hide it, but he could see it. Every time; fear gripped her all over. The wild woman he'd seen through those bars, on that first day… she had such fire, such passion. Had he really destroyed that?

"Idiot." He snarls at himself in the dark, scraping his hair back and removing his uniform to get in the shower. To clear his head. To clean away the day's confusion. He feared he'd destroyed it, that he'd broken that fire. But deep down he knew he hadn't. He doubted anything could. A smirk pulls on his lips as he steps beneath the hot torrent of water, and sighs as his muscles unwind a little. The quick remarks, the way her tongue lashed out like a whip at those who challenged her. He almost laughs. Nah, he hadn't broken anything. He'd just bruised her, and probably dug himself a nice deep grave when the time came.

He flips the coin.

Gritting his teeth as Erwin's latest order echoes round his mind, he begins scrubbing at his skin harshly, turning up the water's heat. He'd put up with a lot of underhand shit from that man, for a lot of years. Surely he'd paid his due by now, surely he could go his own way at long last? Levi watches the water pool between his cupped hands, and slowly lets it slip between his pale fingers. Time was so slippery. Perhaps Erwin had lost sight of the bigger picture, letting his obsessive ways get the better of him? Even if he did allow himself to go his own way, he wasn't sure where he'd go. He'd gotten used to this life, of teaching, serving, fighting. The concept of freedom had been one he longed for, for years upon years. But that had been with them. Now it was just him. Right?

Should she live or die?

Should he care or not?

He watches the dirty water swirl down the drain. The splatter of her blood across the floor flashed through his mind, and he flinches. The spilling of innocent blood. He sees big green eyes stare over at him beneath an unruly Auburn fringe. Isabel, stupid kid. The way the soldiers had come and dragged her, along with him and Farlan. The way they beat them down. It wasn't right. It hadn't been then, and it wasn't now. He scrubs harder, his vow to follow orders weighing down on him. What the hell was he meant to do? Time couldn't be rewritten. He'd already played his part of the cruel soldier, and beat her to the ground. Nothing could change that. She would loathe him until she died, or until she got to kill him. The water cuts out, and he roughly dries his hair.

Really it didn't matter what he decided here, in the safety of his own quarters. It would be decided in the moment; on the turn of a coin, or the flash of a blade. He knew this, he had lived that way for a long time. So why was it he felt the need to ponder over this?

Was it simply that she reminded him of Isabel?

Or was it something even more moronic?

The Captain shrugged on some civilian clothing, and sat on his desk. The past… he sighs, the past too many to count years, had been long and lonely. He had his Squad of course, and he valued them like members of a family. At least, what he figured a family was like. But he couldn't deny the reaction he had when being anywhere near that damned woman. It was strange; like his body ached all over, maybe she just gave him some kind of virus? He ran a hand through his still damp hair and went to open his window, the room seeming stuffy all of a sudden. Then there was those damn teases she did, the way her bright eyes burned as her lips said those ludicrous things. And yet his body reacted so vulgarly. He leans on the window sill, and breathes in the evening air. He couldn't deny the way she made his thoughts turn similarly vulgar, but he had to try.

It was pointless.

"Idiot." He groans, resting his head on his arms. He had always been so sure on the surface world, so aware of what he was doing, and why. But now? Now he wasn't sure at all, and it was pissing him off to no end.

He closed his eyes.

Humans were so damned messy.

This mission, the hell that would likely end up, would be the deciding moment. He wasn't sure at what point his decision would have to be made, but he hoped it didn't turn out to be the first regret he had to admit to in so many years. He lights the mini stove beneath his kettle, and waits for the water to boil. This mission had a lot riding on it.

He just hoped it was worth it.

The kettle gives a shriek.

Was it ever worth it though?

* * *

NORMAL POV

It is too damn hot in this get up.

I fiddle with my cape's collar and shift on my horse. But on and on the sun goes, persistent bastard that it was. Relentless in its beating down of us, making us sweat through to the damn cobbles beneath us. How I longed for the cold stone walls of the HQ. I grip my reins a little tighter. No. I longed for the chill beneath the canopy, and a nice breeze high in the trees. Yes. That was what I longed for. Right?

"You ready for this Alex?"

"Why the fuck not." I gasp, hanging my head back with my tongue lolling out. Eren gives a little chuckle, and Petra grins, but Oluo shoots me a look. Probably jealous that I hadn't bitten my tongue immediately. "As long as we get moving, and create some breeze, _before_ my ass is well done, I'm happy."

"Shut it." Snaps the Captain, and I sit bolt upright giving a reserved smile as our leader looks over his shoulder. There's no glare, just a hint of impatience. Perhaps the heat was even getting to him? I see no sweat on his brow though. Maybe he didn't allow such uncleanliness? I imagined his cape was doing a good job of hiding the tell-tale signs, maybe even turning that tight white shirt see through. I snigger a little, tempted to tug it off and watch Petra blush to the ends of her hair.

"Apologies Captain, just irritable in the heat." I say, dipping my head when he notices my smirk. He clicks his tongue and returns to looking forward.

"The gates will open soon. Quit your whinning and focus on the task ahead."

"You got it."

"We'll hit trouble early on in all likelihood, so stay sharp. We aren't to engage, that's for the outer formation, but stay sharp nonetheless. I'm not wanting any fuck ups. Got it?"

A salute rings round the group, and his eyes land on me as I doff my head. No salute in place. I had never agreed to that shit, and I wasn't about to start now. I had lived as a stubborn jackass, and if I was about to go down in flames of supposed glory, I'd be an ass then too. But as we all shift back into our riding positions, raring to go, I wonder if I will be going down. Or would I run free? To my left sits Eren, alert and eager to begin his work. He can't wait to be out there. Whilst at the same time shitting it. I reckon the latter emotion might take precedence once that wall passes over us, and the gate shits us out the other side. Titan territory did things to the head.

It changed bravery, to cowardice.

Determination, to desperation.

Affection, to hatred.

Comradery, to competition.

Saddles, to bed pans.

I wondered what those big green eyes would look like by the time the sun had set. Would they burn on with that gloriously youthful fire, or would it have all been pissed on by reality? I look ahead, and see signals being shown. The time was approaching. Perhaps before I either went free, or went out for good, I could do one good thing in this pigsty of a world. Perhaps I could keep those eyes, as bright as they were now. Hope was a dangerous thing, but in a head like Eren's I reckoned it might do okay.

Suddenly there's this big groan, like a stomach that's had too much rare meat. The gate slides up and I feel a gust of hot hair whoosh past us. Signals are passed down, and echoing shouts are heard. We're moving. It's slow at first, everyone filing out and into formation, but eventually we get up to beneath the wall, at a decent pace at long last. I hear the thundering of the hooves against the cobbles, and a slight breeze shifting my hair. It dispels a little of the hellish heat, and I grin as the wall looms over us. Good bye cage; I'm not sure if I'm coming back or not, but thanks all the same. You cold bastard. As we pass beneath the arch, I give a whoop, and raise my arms up to feel the cold, dank air whistle through my outstretched fingers.

"Cut it out rat!" Shouts Oluo, and I turn to flip the bird at him. Levi says nothing. I think he can relate to a sense of euphoria at a moment like this, at least I get that feeling, from my lack of reprimanding.

"Kiss my ass Oluo, we're about to enter hell, let a girl have some fun before fighting for her life? Oh and don't reply, can't be bothered listening to you whimper about your tongue."

"Is it just me, or did she get worse, in that small moment of leaving the walls?" groans the blonde man I think is called Eld. I grin at him, and offer a comradery wink. Before this all went to shit, I saw no reason to antagonise anyone else. Unless they provoked me, then fuck you blondie. Why were all these guys blonde?

As we pass through the city, squads assigned to protection of the ranks set off to deal with lingering Titans. But we don't help, we just ride on, leaving them to their duty. I hear their yells. I hear their blades. I fight the urge to change, to cut and run. In this open area it would be so simple. So damn easy, it would be nothing short of a walk in the park. But as I stare down at my hands that grip the reins, I know I won't. First off, there's far too many armed scouts around me, I'd die in moments. And for another? I look to Eren as he grits his teeth against fear. I had to at least attempt helping this kid out. I couldn't stand Humanity, and all the wrong it had done. But I had to hand it to this kid, he had taken on my secret with such sincerity. I had to pay him back somehow.

Even if I cut out straight after that.

"Looks like Miss Sass is having a little shake there!" Laughs Oluo, and I simply push my horse faster. More yells sound around us, but I don't think anyone has died yet. This city looks like a shell. I don't think I've spotted one whole building yet. They're all hollowed out, gutted, and left to rot. How disgusting.

"I was just making a personal bet with myself whether or not we'd make it outside the city ruins before you bit your tongue or not."

"Shut it you little—"

"Fuck you Oluo, now I owe myself money! That's just messed up."

We ride on in relative silence as the formation takes shape. They fan out far and wide, and it looks even weirder from close up. I remember how I'd looked out for those smoke signals the past few years, heading to the top of the canopy, or nearest edge to the forest as quick as I could. It wasn't that I missed human contact; holy hell no. But instead, I was curious about these humans willing to be out here, facing the danger head on. It was one of the few times in my life, I felt respect for a group of humans. It was an odd feeling, but not one I disliked.

At the time, from afar, watching them spread out like a drunk band of flies, I had thought to myself about the leader. I had theorised that the man leading them, was likely a good man, intent on saving his men from danger. I snort to myself as we plough through our current mission. Erwin Smith was many things, but a good man? He was driven, passionate to the point of lunacy, and ruthless. His goal was honourable enough, but his lack of human nature was simply too great. I couldn't think of him as a good man. Perhaps a good soldier. But that was all I could muster.

The plains open up around us, and I grin as I breathe the easiest I have for months. I was far from free, still chained to this regiment completely. But this was the best I'd felt in all that time I'd been captive. This was my world. This was where I ruled. And yet this was where I felt my indecision reach its peak. What the hell was I meant to do? I growl low enough that none of them will hear me. This was bullshit, I wanted to go home, and yet felt something holding me back. And it wasn't Eren. It was his words. I could really help them here, and I could really make a difference. I'd never known that until now. I'd always assumed, I was just another fly in the ointment for the world. But that kid, with his damn principles, and high held beliefs. He'd gone and given me guilt. I whip my horse on a little faster, I'd have preferred another beating from Levi I think.

"Wow… these rides are pretty fucking boring aren't they?" I say as we continue to ride across the plain without so much as a wrong footed horse. I was glad of the peace, but soon enough it became tiresome, and I was fighting yawns. I hadn't slept much, due to excitement and apprehension. And yet now I found myself wondering what the hell I'd been so worried about. I glance around, but they're all staring ahead, nervous and focused. I look around. There is literally _nowhere_ that a Titan could be hiding in order to ambush us. Why were they shitting it so much?

"We have to stay alert Alex, you never know what's going to happen out here." Explains Petra with a small smile. I hold back my laughter. But I can't resist turning to raise a brow at her, waiting for the penny to drop.

It gives an audible CLANG.

She blushes.

Yeah… I used to live here? I can't say I'm all that nervous for my own well-being. I sigh, and let my head hang back a little, hoping for a few more clouds as the sun isn't even at its peak yet.

"If you're so eager to talk, brat. How about you answer a question?" The Captain asks, and I do a double-take. Where had this come from?

"Okay…" I look around, but no one else seems to know what the heck he's doing either.

"Where did you learn to use the gear?" he asks, not looking my way. I swallow hard, my gut aching a little as I recall the last time he asked me that question. Was that kick number 23… or 34? I can't remember exactly. It all got hazy after 29.

"In my hometown of Shiganshina." I answer, and I hear a few gasps. Especially from Eren. Yeah I'd lived there, whilst I was a kid. But as soon as I could, I ran off, in search of the world beyond the walls. It was technically my hometown, but I admit I felt little when realising it had been hit the worst by the Colossal. It mattered a little to me now, knowing the horrors it had held for Eren on that day. But in my own life, it had been nothing but bricks, thatch and water. With disgusting people lingering in between.

"Alright, let me rephrase, smart-ass. How did you learn? Did someone teach you... or what?"

"I taught myself." I reply, and try to ignore the disbelieving looks that the group is giving me. The only one I chance a glance at, is the Captain. And he's staring back at me like I'm some three legged Titan in a hula skirt. What was wrong with that? Why couldn't I have taught myself?

"Why?"

Why? _Why?_ What kind of dumbass question is that? What did it matter _why_ I'd learned?

"Because I wanted to know how to fly." I answer with a shrug, it being the most obvious thing in the world to me. "I won some gear from a drunken Garrison soldier, in a game of poker, and taught myself on the outskirts of town. None of the Garrison gave me any trouble for it, because they knew a kid had beaten one of their guys at poker. For guys with no pride, or dignity, they sure got embarrassed easily."

"You're a fucking wildcard, you know that?!" laughs Eld, shaking his head in disbelief. I hear a bird call out above us, and I feel the sun on my back. It was comment upon my character, but I had the feeling it was intended as a compliment. I wink at him again, and stand on my stirrups to take a small bow. "Why'd you wanna learn to fly so bad anyway?"

I stare at the blonde for a long moment. The lollop of the horses hooves slows, as my eyes meet his, and I feel very human all of a sudden. It made me feel a little hollow inside, and yet I knew it was real. This was a moment of sickening connection; but I wasn't one to back down from a challenge. I smile at him and dig into my past, remember how I felt as I first put on that gear and prepared myself for flight. To join those arrogant birds. To feel the air beneath me.

They'd laughed at first of course. The Garrison had watched me attempt, and fail, many times before I got the hang of it. But once I had it? Their laughter died in their throats, and I knocked their asses to the floor. I could fly better than they ever could. And I was just some kid right? Just some dumbass kid of a couple drunks, what could I ever amount to? What could I ever change? And what could I ever hope to make out of my life? I knew the answer. I couldn't change a damn thing, I was useless like the rest of the world. And yet I knew I could make something for myself out of this life. I could make freedom. I remember how I landed with a small huff, accepting the earth as the one place I would always have to return to. But that was before he said otherwise. That was before he offered me something new. Another option. Another way.

"What kid doesn't want to fly?!" I laugh, sitting back down, and gulping at the free air. We were still technically inside a wall, but I certainly couldn't see it on the horizon, and that definitely helped.

"I guess so…" Laughs Eld, shaking his head at something. He then looks my way, with an odd little frown, his quick eyes glancing between me and the Captain. I feel like I should have paid more attention to this guy up till now, he seemed an interesting type at least. Better than Oluo that's for sure. "Say… you from the Underground?"

"You don't have to be from the Underground to appreciate the big open sky above you!"

A weird silence takes over.

"I just shoved my foot in my mouth didn't I?" I ask, looking around for confirmation. Petra is giving a sympathetic smile, and I wince a little. I'd just accidentally made a dig at Levi hadn't I? Of all the people… I stare ahead at the slightly tensed Captain, and hope he doesn't pull his horse back, simply to clap me on the side of the head. I'd kind of liked that sense of comradery. I'd enjoyed the small talks in the stables. Heck, I was in danger of thinking of the man as more than a mindless thug. It was hardly affection, but it was the closest thing to it that I'd felt for a human in what felt like a lifetime.

And I'd gone and done it now.

"Sorry Captain. Didn't mean anything by it, just—"

"I'm well aware, brat."

"Oh…"

"If you wanted to be offensive, you're never as passive as that."

"Thank fuckery." I breathe and shoot a relieved look at Petra, who smiles kindly back. We ride on, quiet taking back over. I stare at the raven locks that bounce around with the movement of his horse. Captain Levi was from the Underground. That explained a few things, and his understanding of my want for freedom. But it didn't make me understand why he was here in the first place. It was rare for people to escape there; for them to get out, and get a normal job. Let alone a ranked position in the army. Then I realise what crest is on his back. The Survey Corps might be the one place, they would allow such a roughian into. I had no issue with someone being from there, who the hell was I to judge someone for anything? I simply knew how people up here thought. And they didn't understand the people living beneath them, and so they feared them.

Perhaps I could use that understanding, of mismatched assumptions to my advantage.

Perhaps I could make him listen.

A Cadet suddenly rides up, sweating and panicky. We all tense as he garbles his news. Spouting something about the outer watchers being wiped out.

Shit.

Already?

I mean we had been riding a good while, maybe an hour by now. But it had been so calm here in the formation. Perhaps we were near the centre? I look around but from down here it was pretty hard to tell. Everything had moved so fast once we were out the gates that I hadn't really been able to tell. Perhaps we _were_ at the centre then. That explained the lack of indication, until now, about all the issues occurring. Which side did he say? The right? I only catch little bits at our high speed, but I see the colour drain from Eren's face. And that's without him knowing what it would look like. I swallow my grimace, and maintain composure for the kid. I was well aware of what that side of the battlefield would look like now. Once, about three years ago, an entire squad had been wiped out, a few miles from my home.

The stench.

The gut wrenching stench.

I swallow hard. Death didn't disturb me, I saw life as something meant to be fleeting, that being why we clung to it so damn tightly. But what disturbed me was the mess we left behind, the way we lingered on this earth, forcing it to remember us as we melt away slowly. Staring up at the sky in defiance. We had been here damn it. So go ahead, pick at my bones, and smell the stench of my death. Again I swallow. Being back out here was messing with my head. I had a job to do damn it, and I needed to focus. I needed to help Eren.

"Hey Eren?" I call over, and the Kid looks my way, kind of. His mind is miles away, to whatever friends he has lying on those outskirts, drenched in their own blood and piss. Damn it Eren, focus on yourself right now. Idiot. There was a bigger picture here, besides your damn friends. "What exactly is the plan for if you go all rogueing rage monster on us?"

"You mean you don't know?!" squawks Oluo, and I just throw up my hands to the sky.

"I'm the big meany not to be trusted remember? Kinda kept me out of the loop? No? No one is remembering this, how fucking convenient and—"

"We'll cut him straight out of the nape." Snaps the Captain, shaking his head a little. I watch Petra ride off to hand the message further up the command, and hope she gets back all right. Then I check myself. Why the fuck would I care? She's just another potential face to remember whilst looking over the bodies left behind. No matter how good she was at her job, that was all these people ended up as.

I shiver, and grip the reins like they're a rope holding me against a flood. My mind flashes back to my cell, the way my whole being had been swathed in hatred for the Captain. I'd been drowning in it, consumed by the need to kill him. And yet it had been so wrong to do so, so sickening to have been that human. I stare at the white knuckles on my hands. This wasn't me. Was it? Had I been so harsh and dead inside whilst out here alone? Or had me being alone allowed me to ignore it? Perhaps I had simply put it down to the echoes of the wind, not bothering to consider the fact that in escaping humanity, I had become a concentrated version of all that I hated about it. I look up at the sky, and feel my eyes warm up a little.

What the hell was this mission doing to me?

"Probably slice his limbs off in the process, but it'll allow him to survive." Continues Levi with a shrug, and I feel relief. I haven't felt relief in a long time. I don't quite know what to do with it out here. I look to Eren, who is still in a world of his own. Perhaps he too was drowning?

"Hey Eren! Am I right in thinking you'd just grow em back?" I laugh loudly, a little too loudly, but I think they'll be a little preoccupied with survival, to analyse my laughter level. Eren looks at me with a fierce blush, but there's the faintest hint of a smile as I bark out again. "Ya creepy Lizard bastard."

The Captain tenses in an odd way, but I don't understand why, so I just keep smiling over at Eren. He seems to be a better concept that my reins, the waters subside in my mind and I take a deep breath. He has once again become a tomato.

We keep riding, and keep changing course, but its clear the situation had remained dicey. Something is coming. An abnormal of some kind seems to be breaking through rank after rank. Heading straight for us. Streams of black smoke litter the sky, and I feel sick to my stomach. I was what would signal one of those, I was what they called an abnormal. And yet I knew that, and yet I had accepted that. And yet… I was okay with that. Humans inherently fear what they don't understand. Humans are just that; they make mistakes, then they keep going. Error is human to forgive. I can't even remember where I'd heard that, and yet it rings in my ears now, as more black smoke flies into the sky. Like Death sending up a flare for a damned party.

I look over at Eren again, and hate the fact I see his fear.

I can't do a damn thing.

Jokes won't help.

But some fucking answers might.

This is too simple. This was too fucking neat. It seems as clear as the damn sky above us, that this thing, whatever it was, intended to get Eren. I glance at the dissipating black smoke, and feel it in my gut. It's a shifter. This is some kind of ploy. And a sick use of a mission, to get a hold of Eren without detection. In Titan form we retain some recognisable attributes, but usually not to the point of easily being identified. I'd had Eren's form described to me, and apart from the wayward hair, and bright green eyes, it sounded like it looked nothing like him. I couldn't speak for myself, after all I barely knew what my form looked like, other than pale blank eyes. They were creepy, and haunted even _my_ dreams. But they also made no sense. I had brown eyes, not white. But none of this mattered. Only one thing did right now, to me at least. I felt a little cold at the weight of it. So this shifter was coming for Eren, hoping to grab and go I suppose. I shift my horse a little closer to Eren's. Whoever they were, they were in for one hell of a nasty surprise.

I just hope I can fight properly.

I edge closer still.

I had never had reason to question my Titan form's performance; but then again I'd never had quite such an inauspicious audience. I'd never been under such scrutiny. But there was a first time for everything.

Petra returns to the Squad formation, and she along with all the others are watching me closely. But they don't voice their suspicions. They know I'm assigned to protect Eren along with them, and they know I'm not fully logged in on the formation crap. This was just me doing my job. That was the truth of it, never mind their paranoid assumptions of me magically disappearing with him. As far as they knew, I was just a human, so what they imagined I'd be able to do right now, is beyond me. But what I hope I can actually do, when the time comes, is change. If I can do that, I can get him out of the thing's reach, and take the beast down. My eyes snap to the Captian, and I feel ice frost my heart. And then he'd kill me. But of course that was if I was able to change. I hadn't gone this long without transforming, in over a decade.

What the hell was it going to do to my body this time around?

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, hope it was worth the wait! See you next time!**

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	9. Chapter 9

**Hi Folks, me again. A fairly regular update whoop!**

 **I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and for anyone who is also following Flight From Darkness, I promise it will be updated. I am simply having to prioritize at the moment. But it will be continued! Thanks for your patience.**

 **Now then, here we go!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

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The forest swallows us whole, and sunlight is a distant memory. The canopy, once so familiar and homely, is now shrouded in shadow as we thunder onwards. I don't fully understand what's happening, but that isn't a new sensation anymore. I've been blinding pushing forward for months now. Except now, I had Eren to protect, and that difference made this all the harder. I could easily run off, and I could easily protect myself. But this hardnose, noble minded pain, would likely make escape difficult. But then again I don't even know if we need to escape, I don't know what's coming.

"Blades drawn. Now. It'll happen in the blink of an eye, be ready." The Captain says without so much as a backwards glance. They all obey as I stare around in bewilderment.

Ready for what? Shitting my knickers?

I look over my shoulder, and feel a chill as a pair of piercing blue eyes catch my attention through the dense trees. I was starting to seriously dislike that colour; from the Commander's cold, calculating gaze, to this thing's enraged mania. Blue and me, were officially having a falling out. I look to Eren, and I think the kid may have just lost his last grasp on sanity. Fear is throttling him. I think it's having a go at all of them, but I know I could take her. I can deal with this, I just need to figure out when would be best. When were they least likely to end up killing me in the process? I grit my teeth, that was not the priority right now.

Was it?

Ah shit… this was not a good day.

The thunder is everywhere.

I can barely think as I taste fear for the first time in… in a long time. The booming of this beast's feet matches the pace of my panicked heart. I cast my gaze over the group. They're discussing engaging with the thing. They had balls I'd give them that; big hairy stupid ones that would be pulverised in seconds.

Then we hear wires. I glance back, and wish the reinforcements instantaneous deaths, whilst the rest of the Squad seem hopeful of their success. For battle weary veterans of the Scouts, even they could be naïve. I can see it there, as that cold blonde hair swirls in the rushing wind, and those eyes flick between targets. There's a keen intelligence there, one that even has me feeling intimidated. The cries don't last long, and I feel my wish fulfilled as one by one, the cadets are sent into a bloodied oblivion.

And that's when this team starts to panic.

Determination warps into desperation.

Saddles pool into bed pans.

And faith turns to child-like dependence.

They need their captain to give orders, but I wonder if even Levi can handle this situation without breaking his composure. They yell at him, begging for guidance, but he remains silent. Come on man. Bring your fury, show this beast the power of Humanities Strongest. Or if you can't do that, at least pause before you slice my nape to ribbons?

He looks round at us, and I am amazed at the composure.

Not a hair out of place, so to speak.

God dammit why did nothing get to this guy? What the hell had he seen in his life to prepare him for this shit? His eyes catch mine and I swallow hard, his orders ring in my ears. Survive. I guess it was his focus that helped push all the messy noise out of the way. I wish I was capable of that right now, but my mind is scattered, panicked as I try and reason with my instincts, and logic against each other. Run or fight. Help yourself, or help them.

"Everyone, cover your ears."

Is he planning on serenading the bitch?

He raises his flare gun and an acoustic round rings out. I look back, but the thing is unphased. But he doesn't look disheartened as he reminds his team of their mission. I consider the fact he wasn't attempting to subdue her, but signal others in the forest. Perhaps this was more predetermined than it seemed. Perhaps this was yet another elaborate device from Golden Boy? How the hell had he known about… I stop myself, I really don't want to know.

They were all there to protect Eren. Of course they were, but I was the one to stick closest to the kid, because when push came to shove, I was expendable. I look around but see no sign of Mister Eyebrows. What was this plan, and where the hell was it leading? This bitch with the enormous wrack was catching up, and soon we'd all be smothered under those gargantuan melons.

"If we don't do something, they're all gonna die!" Eren cries out, having begun to question this madness. It seemed even his loyalty could win out entirely. It was true, more and more lives were being plastered across the undergrowth as we pressed on unharmed.

It was sick.

It was totally Erwin's doing.

I grit my teeth and try to bite my tongue against the retorts of the team. They don't appreciate his insubordinate attitude, and scold him for it. But I can tell they feel the uncertainty too. They're in the dark, and they don't like it.

"Stop whining, and do as your Captain tells you."

Petra, you're an angel of mercy, you helped me and allowed me the benefit of the doubt. Hell you even offered me comradery in this mad world, and frankly, with all bells and whistles put to rest, I love you for it. But that was over the line. So right now? Fuck you.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I bark at her, and they all glance my way. "I get that you're all badass Levi Squad members, and therefore know _everything_ about following orders, like fucking dogs, but this is a damn _kid_. Of course he doesn't want people to die, he doesn't see death as a necessary statistic, he sees it as it really is. Awful! Quit riding him, and tell him what he needs to do!"

"Trust us Eren!" Petra cries out, at last, eyes desperate in their pleading.

That was more like it.

Enough of this berating the kid for having a damn conscience.

Enough of judging a damn teenager for feeling the full brunt of the situation.

This kid didn't ask for any of this, and yet he continues to fight. I had asked for this, and I had run from the fight for a decade. I had a big debt to pay it seemed. And holy shit I'm sick of my newfound nobility. Humans are way too fucking messy. And I was beginning to feel the human side of my tremulous nature winning.

Now they're arguing with Eren over whether he should turn or not, that sense of trust turning to one of responsibility. I fight a smirk. The legion didn't exactly inspire trust. This wasn't a choice for a kid. This wasn't fair. Why should he have to figure out life, and death? I see a flash of silver far ahead, but it was stationary up in the branches. I see capes everywhere all of a sudden.

They're waiting.

What the hell?

I look at Levi and frown, this was a trap. That was the reason for the signal. They— _we_ were purposefully leading this beast of a Titan here. I look over my shoulder and snort, she had far too much momentum for them to do a damn thing. She'd yank whatever contraption they had set up, clean out of the trees and keep on going. She'd wipe out this squad, and the kid in no time.

Unless someone slowed her down.

My muscles tense, thirsty for a stretch, and my mind fizzes as I contemplate how it will all go. Show time I guess. The coin was flipped, and I suddenly knew what I had to do. No. I suddenly knew what I _wanted_ to do.

"Eren make up your damn mind!" roars Levi as I press my horse faster, till I'm next to the kid. I look at the Captain, and cringe. If I did manage this, without being killed in the process, he would probably finish me off. Then again, he'd probably too enraged to make it last long. Eren looks at me, green eyes swimming in dilemma.

So young.

So unjaded.

But the dilemma clears as he makes eye contact with me, and I feel my heart clench.

"I'm with you!"

He really trusts us.

Then that needed rewarding.

I grin at the Captain, and then at the kid who is begging for the latest dying cadet behind us to forgive his decision. Don't worry Eren, I'll make her pay in kind. I'll try my best to make this day worth a damn.

"Remember what I said Eren, fight for your reasons."

The others look at me in confusion and I smile at Levi's frown.

"Do me a favour Levi? Keep that idea of trust in mind. See ya, fuckers!"

And I do it.

I turn, leap from my horse and bite down on my tongue hard. I see fire, and I vaguely hear their confused shrieks. But soon it's drowned by rushing wind, crunching bones and hissing steam. I groan as the slithering sensation of newly formed searing hot flesh surrounds my consciousness, and I feel my rage solidify.

I know what I need to do.

I appear in my full form, reaching at least eighteen metres tall. Instantaneously I kneel down and brace for imminent impact with the blonde battering ram. The black crystal forms in great long spears from my shoulders, chest, and rib cage at the same time. The trap is now set. I grit my teeth at the pain of the lances formation, but turn it into a malicious grin as I meet her sky-blue, with my fiery red.

Yes.

Her determination becomes confusion.

Her sickening bloodlust melts into panic.

And her power becomes her undoing.

She smashes into me, with no time available for evasive actions. I tense against her speed and we skid along, friction searing my nerves as debris is thrown. We skid along and directly into the line of the trap. My feet burn, and my bones ache, but the crystal has done its job. I growl at the effort it takes to hold her in position, but I am thrilled to see each crystal lance having sunk deep into her. I make it grow outward, hooking into her innards, and flesh. She was mine. I had done my damned duty. We move a little, and she's shuddering as her muscles fights against me.

Little girl, please don't insult me.

You have no chance.

I give a feral roar as I straighten up, pushing her into an awkward arched position with the leverage of the crystal. She had impressive strength, I'd give her that, but I had an unyielding killer instinct that not even those cold blue orbs could comprehend. You will pay for every drop of blood you so callously spilled. The world stills, and I look down at my eighteen metre self in all her pale glory, the skin is stretched and slightly tearing in places but ultimately I'm more discreetly dressed than this bare muscled hussy. My long dark locks fall in front of my crimson eyes as I lower my jagged teeth to her cheek, and give another roar into her ear.

She growls.

She was a fighter, I'd give her that.

The dust settles, and capes appear in the corners of my eyes. If only they would let the adults play a little longer. It's only been a second and half maybe, but I do wish they'd hurry up with whatever they had planned. This might look easy, but this fiend is damned strong. I look to where Golden Boy stands with nothing short of a dumbfounded expression in place.

Surprise motherfucker.

I hiss at him, steam billowing from my jaws as I nod.

Do your worst.

"Fire!"

Ow. Son-of-a-bitch. God dammit this hurts. OUCH!

I hold tighter whilst they fire repeatedly, steel spears slicing into my flesh. They carve into me, straight through into our prey, where they stiffen joints, and hold true. The cacophony of searing metal only makes my growling whimpers echo more, and I hear a few grunts from our esteemed guest also. The fire of pain threatens to drown me as I endure. Damn it. I get it, you want us staying still. I think there's a thousand spears pinning us in place by the time the explosions stop, and smoke drifts away. My instincts scream, demanding I rage out, and yank these offending spears out of me to bring ruin upon my attackers. But oddly enough, they were also my allies. At least, I hoped they still were. So I calm my instincts, and send them to their room. Mumma needed to think. She didn't need them warbling in her ears.

The distant sound of hooves catches my attention, and I wonder if Eren will manage to persuade them I was still on their side. Then again did I want him to? By aligning himself with me, he endangered himself. That seemed detrimental to my protecting him. I mean, I had just assisted them, but perhaps Blondie Mcshitdick would interpret it as me trying to help this beastly killer. I stare into her, and I recognise the fear. It was the same that we had felt as a team, only moments beforehand.

Medicine is tough to swallow when it's your own.

I chuckle.

I may hate humanity for the filth it became, but this monster had slaughtered countless brave soldiers. She would pay. I glance behind her and see the freckled mouse, the one who stood up to me in the cafeteria. Only she isn't standing anymore. She hangs there, half plastered against the cold bark of a tree. That defiant mouth now stretched with eternal screaming. She never did find her boyfriend.

I hear someone zipping over.

I feel a chill run down both my spines.

I look over, and freeze as I lock gazes with Levi. Erwin is now smirking at me.

"Well done on leading her here, Captain. I'm more than a little impressed." Erwin says, his confidence returned as though never misplaced. I just stare at his arrogance. You have to be kidding me?! Levi bares his teeth a little, staring fixedly at the blonde in my grasp.

"We couldn't have done it without the rear contingency who died in getting us here. I don't intend to ever forget that, neither should you."

"That so…"

"I reckon this bitch is pissing herself right about now."

"Which one?" quips Erwin, sheathing his blades as his cold eyes cast their way over me. I hiss a little and hold my prey tighter. Perhaps a Titan shield would come in handy soon. Levi tenses again, his eyes meeting mine. My hissing stops. His eyes become less narrow, and his jaw not so firmly set. He seems confused. A couple seconds slip past us until he sigh tiredly, and shakes his head a little.

"You stupid brat." He turns to Erwin. "The situation is complicated, I'll deal with Senefold when we're back at base, for now, focus on your original target."

"And what do you mean by deal?"

"That's for me to decide, she's on my Squad after all, isn't she?"

"As you wish, Captain."

I look away from the two menaces, trying not to think about being put back in that cell. Those boots crunching into me. I shiver a little, but when I open my eyes I see those big blue pools are searching for answers. She doesn't know who I am, and I don't know who she is. But I know I'll kill her. Once they've gotten her out, taken her to those cells, and had their fun with her. I'll kill her. I was well aware of the fact, as a shifter, I was a rare breed in wanting to side with the Humans. Apart from Eren of course. But the simple fact was, these other shifters, I didn't understand the angle.

I didn't understand the point.

If they were trying to scare humanity out of complacency, fine. They'd done that more or less. But they'd killed the wrong people. Those in Wall Maria weren't to blame. The ones that needed shaking up, were those in the inner circles. The ones running the sham. Those bastards remained complacent, they remained wholly selfish and self-serving. These shifters were either in search of an entirely different goal, or they'd royally fucked it up. The way this woman was shielding her nape, tended to indicate some intelligence.

So I still didn't understand the point.

Levi draws his blades.

"Not quite yet Levi, a little more insurance is needed." Says Erwin, and I don't even bother to turn and see his sickening grin. "Second and third wing, fire!"

The fire engulfs my mind, and I close my eyes, only seeing my own agony reflected in those blue discs. Dammit Erwin we were secure. But I reckon the sick bastard was enjoying this, enjoying punishing my moment of weakness. I wonder if he had still suspected me of this, and had merely been surprised at my idiocy of actually giving in to changing. I hoped not. I hoped I'd scared the living daylights out of him.

But as I feel the steel once again, I wonder if I wasn't looking from the right angle. My eyes snap open, and swivel to focus on him. He remains calm under my gaze, but I see a sheen of sweat on his smooth brow. Perhaps he hated humanity just as much as I did. Perhaps he had realised, that in order to rise above monsters, and fight them properly, he had to abandon his own sense of humanity. His own idea of being human. Perhaps by being the sadistic bastard he was, he was the best hope of saving humanity. It was a dire situation, no matter which way you looked at it. This was as fucked up as it got, and I grit my teeth against laughing at the world's insanity.

Levi and Mike, the sniffy one, suddenly zip in for the kill. Or rather capture. They swirl as they go for her hands, but I hear a familiar crackling noise and internally cringe. My, my little girl, you're full of surprises. Their blades shatter as they meet crystal, and I groan a little. Things were never easy.

Levi suddenly lands on the blonde's hair and I jolt, shivering all over. I see a new desperation enters her cold gaze, and I feel a memory of that kind of terror. Even now I'm afraid of him, as I stand holding this blonde monstrosity in place, at a might eighteen metres tall. I'm trembling.

I grit my teeth, and dig my nails into her flesh, she growls back.

"Disengage from your Titan Senefold." Orders Erwin, and I pause. Could I even manage that? I can feel a wire running through my right thigh, and just across my left bicep. If they'd wanted me out, they could have aimed a bit better.

"Now Senefold. Or we tear you out."

All right, don't get your Golden knickers in a twist.

I concentrate, and feel the cold air whoosh past me. Back in reality, I hang there, connected by my legs, and my arm awkwardly held in place by the wire. I gasp at the icy air, and try to let my mind settle. But there's a lot of pain to think through. I see that they don't intend on helping me; either out of malice, or apprehension. So I draw one of my blades and cut the wires free. They retract quickly and I hiss at the friction.

Ow.

Once free, I latch onto the branch our esteemed Commander stands on, and zip over. I land in a small heap, gasping still as my body continues to burn. He's talking at me, but I just ignore him, trying to breathe deeper as my ribs refuse to unclench. My whole body aches, and my nose won't stop running this clear, red tinted liquid. That hadn't happened for a long time…

"You will answer for your actions at HQ, Senefold, that is a promise."

"Just shut up and deal with the real issue, Blondie."

"Cadet Senefold—"

"I'm not the enemy here, no, that would be the big Tit over there. You know, the one who just butchered all your soldiers, and actually did something wrong?" I grumble, lying flat on the branch, waiting for my swimming vision to clear. Transforming had always taken a toll, but it was worse the longer I waited in between. After months of stagnant human form, this was a bad one. My limbs feel like jelly, and the throbbing agony pounding into my brain is enough to make me scream. But I won't do that, that'd just be unladylike.

I spit the blood from my mouth, and watch Levi kneel down. I can only make out some of it, but the things he says to her, they make me shiver. Whoever it was in there, would be shitting it all over the place. It might even start leaking from her huge mouth. I giggle a little at the image. But as I hear him mentioning mutilating her actual body I sit up, she just drew a long breath. Don't tell me she can—

The loud call does nothing to help my headache.

Well done Levi, you poked the bear.

I get to my feet groggily, and force my legs to bear my weight.

"We have a problem."

"Explain yourself Senefold. Now."

"That lovely singing voice of hers does more than serenade Levi into loving her. Just wait, sniffer knows what I'm talking about."

Mike appears and relays the same thing, Titans are approaching and from all around. I doff my head to him and wink at Erwin. I'm not the only Titan you need to worry about right now, the other, rather less dignified variations are lumbering our way. And I'll bet they're hungry.

"Defend the Female Titan at all costs!" he orders before turning to me, and clutching my throat. "Why didn't you tell us—"

"I didn't _know_ this was going to happen, remember Goldie? You kept me in the dark on this mission. And also, not everyone can do that, I sure as hell can't, so there was no way for me to know she could."

"How do you know it then?"

I spit in his face.

"Guess sitting down and talking with me, might have been an idea after all."

The pointless battle goes on for a few minutes as the soldiers attempt to keep her in tact. Erwin releases me, and turns with a groan as he realises the Female Titan is long gone. Eventually he pulls his pawns back. A little light leaves him, and I lean against the trunk of the tree. Levi appears next to us, and I give a weak wave, staying mainly still otherwise. Sudden movements seemed like a bad call right now. I look through the trees, hoping the rest of our squad made decent progress on getting some distance from all this. Just keep the kid safe. That was all they had to do.

"We've been bested." Says Erwin, and I almost feel sorry for the Golden Boy.

"Don't give me that shit, not now. Not yet." Levi almost sounds desperate, and I begin to shiver again. Desperation never went well when contained in that lithe body of his. I'd tried to help, I hoped he could see that.

"Think about it, the enemy was prepared to make sacrifices, immense ones."

"Just like us." I snap a little angrily, his voice seems to be edging towards glorifying this beasts actions. Like she was something to be admired. Fuck that. Sacrifice was made on both sides of this board. He looks at me, and sneers a little.

" _Us_?" He points to the steaming corpse as it is consumed, and the remaining black lances of mine that now lay scattered across the undergrowth. I flinch back from his accusation, but still feel it sting as he voices it. "How do we know you didn't do that in order to allow her that escape?"

"Because we're smarter than that." Says Levi, walking across the branch. I grit my teeth and look at his outstretched hand warily. His grey eyes burn with something; but I don't understand it. "I may not have yours right now, Senefold, but shit… you just earned my respect. You lying son-of-bitch."

What? I stare at him, and he nods without expression. That light in his eyes… that was respect? I shake his hand, and attempt a smile.

"J-just wanna keep you on your toes, Captain." I say, sniffing and wiping my nose as more liquid leaks out. Shit. His eyes narrow and glance down at the lances with a frown. His mind ticks.

"So what now?" I ask to distract from the obvious toll this had taken on me. I had his respect, and I wasn't about to lose it to pity. Fuck that. Progress was being made, and I didn't want to lose that if I could help it. "If we go back with our tail between our legs now…"

"Then Eren's right back in chains." Finished Levi with a click of his tongue. I look to Erwin and grimace a little.

"Or worse."

"Cut it out you two." Rumbles Erwin, eyes fixed on the disappearing mass of his target. His goal slipping further out of his grasp with every gnawing gnash of a Titan's inane grin. "For now we focus on getting back without sustaining further damages."

A flicker of Humanity appears.

I am thrown through yet another loop.

He looks at me, and adds with a frown.

"However we can."

I feel an order in those words, and give a small nod to him. Levi looks between me and his Commander and is about to say something, when I nod in the direction our Squad had fled to.

"Let's regroup—"

"No. Go with Levi to replenish his blades."

"What?" Me and the Captain say in unison, sharing a confused look. There wasn't time for that.

Levi sheaths his blades and bares his teeth at the suddenly re-composed blonde. There it is again, that damn tug of war in that sharp little mind. He has a duty, and an odd trust in that man, but underneath that is malice. Underneath that is a paradoxical mistrust and misunderstanding of motive. I look down at my bruised hands and smirk to myself as the two men argue; it seemed I had more in common with my Captain after all. My heart clenches a little. Having seen the Commander up close out here, I felt my original assumption about this regiments leader seem a little more possible. He was a bastard, but still had a heart to go with that.

"All right. I trust you." Says Levi, gesturing for me to follow him. I do so and glance back at Erwin, who stands with his head slightly bowed as he considers the failure of his day. How the mighty do fall.

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 **LEVI POV**

I guess that coin will have to stay spinning for the time being.

The decision can't be made right now, not after what she just did.

The stupid woman had put it all on the line back there, I really thought Erwin was gonna order me to end it there and then. I think it crossed his mind out of blind fear. Control was his forte, and being out of it, wasn't. He was driven to the point of lunacy, and didn't enjoy being kept in the dark. She'd fooled all of us for so long, and endured so much to conceal it. To only go and reveal herself now? To save us? I grit my teeth as we head for the supply wagon. This entire situation was bullshit, and I had the feeling it wasn't over. It didn't feel over. But really I didn't know what else I expected. Clearly she couldn't transform again, she was pale as death, and continuously bleeding from her wounds. It was disgusting, but also worrying. It took a lot to take this woman down, so clearly it took its toll on her in a serious way.

Dammit not again.

That old sensation I'd buried in the past flares up in my mind as I get new blades, and watch her focus on steadying herself as she refills my tanks. She's managing it, but barely.

The sensation feels different this time, not like with Farlan or Isabel. This is a different kind of ache, and I don't fucking like it. It's messy, and I can't deal with that right now. I just hope this idiot remembers her orders. She had to survive. I never got to understand a lot about this life, and I probably never would. In general I was okay with that, I regretted nothing. But with her it was frustratingly different, I felt I wanted to understand this.

I fix my straps across my chest, but still it's there.

Pull it together you stupid bastard.

Since when was I so damn human?

And since when was I so damn stupid.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **To all of you who so kindly reviewed for the past couple chapters, thank you so so much! It really does make my day, as a writer it is immense to know my work is being enjoyed by people! A quick list:**

 **Little miss Banana; sorry for stealing your sister's identity, not on purpose I assure you. And thank you for the praise, I'm thrilled that you're enjoying it so much.**

 **Wildyy; thanks for your praise, im interested as well, but still very sorry for the fact nothing has really occurred so far, I got rather wrapped up in everything else happening! But it will all come to pass soon enough, tension = other forms of tension ;)**

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 **If I missed anyone, so sorry, but really thank you to everyone both reviewing, following, favouriting, and of course reading.**

 **^-^ see you next time! Fran**


	10. Chapter 10

**Dun Dun Duuuuuuuun. Y'all know what time it is XD Female Titan time! Whoopedy... whoop whoop?**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoy this, again your support and patience is appreciated wholeheartedly!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: nope, don't own AOT, just love the characters!**

* * *

 **Normal POV**

As we refuel in silence, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at looking normal. I don't want to let him know the toll that just took; he might use it to his advantage when punishing me for my actions later on. Plus I didn't want him thinking I was fishing for pity. I never wanted that. As I fix the nozzles into place and sort the gas tanks, I feel a tremor run through me at the memory of what just happened. It had all gone to shit so fucking quickly, and yet even with me transforming, it made no difference. It wasn't that I was used to making a difference exactly, but I was used to feeling powerful when I shifted. Now I just felt useless.

I feel a cold sensation prickle at the back of my neck.

Having lived in the wilds for a long time, I'd developed something akin to an animal's sense of danger. At least that was what I'd summarised it as, to my squirrel friends. They'd tended to agree with me, so I surmised that meant I wasn't crazy. Again, they tended to agree.

The prickle stings my skin again.

I sheath the fresh blades and look around, the quiet only making the sensation intensify. I hadn't noticed, but I was holding my breath. I see Levi watching me look around, but he doesn't get the chance to demand what I'm doing.

We hear a far off pop. Then green smokes rises through a break in the canopy. It's our colour; the colour of comradery, of safety, of hope. Only now it makes me feel nauseous. That would have been our signal to the group when we'd refuelled, only we hadn't fired it yet. They wouldn't signal us, they were waiting on orders. I grab my handkerchief again and wipe my nose once again free of the leaking fluids. Someone else is trying to find them.

My mind moves like lightning as I realise the blonde had obviously had a lot of intelligence, and more skill. We'd seen her Titan eaten, but I for one hadn't seen her eaten. Maybe she was like me, able to keep moving about after having transformed. And if she _was_ like me, and had been able to maintain her skills better than myself, she was likely able to shift again. And soon.

This wasn't over.

The fucking squirrels were right.

"Levi we need to—" another flare rises into the sky and I feel my stomach churn as the Squad gives away its position. They'd flagged down the grim reaper. My whole body tenses, and I hear Levi draw a quick breath. It's his equivalent of a panicked gasp, but I know most people wouldn't have even heard it. I turn to him and we speak at the same time.

"Shit."

"We need to get over there, like now." I say, getting my gear set. Levi fires off ahead and I follow him close behind. The momentum alone makes my head spin, but I keep pace. They weren't too far, but far enough to make my heart pound in anxiety. I didn't even know their last names god dammit. So why am I freaking out so much? I swallow hard. It seemed I'd grown a little too attached to human company. Shit.

"Stay out of the fight, brat." The Captain orders calmly, but I see him shoot me a glare. At first I wonder if he's concerned, but that glare hints rather more towards the fact he doesn't want me shifting again. This seems a bit of a contradiction; surely he'd love an excuse to kill me? And then I flinch a little, that was unkind. Sure that might have been the case in that cell, but recently he had been almost kind, almost comrade-like. My mind scoffs at my softy understanding.

"And let you have all the fun, sir?" I laugh a little faintly, "Not likely."

"You can barely fly straight. What use are you to anyone in a fight?"

"In this form? Very little." I say, gaining height in order to get a good velocity going.

"Don't you fucking dare, brat. You can barely walk, and I'm not looking after you."

"Not asking you to, Levi. Just do your fucking job. Just let me save them before you kill me." I hiss, readying myself. Levi growls as he zips up to my level, lips pursed into a thin line as he seems to toy over whether or not to say something else. His grey eyes flicker to mine and I shiver a little. "Please Captain, let me try out this 'helping' side to my character?"

"Just remember your orders." He snaps, heading back down where he can move faster with his technique. I feel my body ache and wonder whether or not it can really take another transformation so soon. But I don't have much choice. It was shift, or sit on the side-lines doing nothing but commentate and encourage. I was never the type for that.

And what did he mean?

Remember my orders…

I feel fire, I hear rushing wind, and I sense his unbridled rage as I transform and hit the ground running at full pelt. I cry out; the heat searing into my aching bones, but it just sounds like another feral roar. No one had to know. I glance back, the captain is falling behind, but that might allow me to do something before he gets in the way, or even gets himself hurt. I knew Levi had skill, I'd seen it myself, but it seemed like this blonde fiend was on an entirely different level. My kind of level.

I need to protect Eren.

I need to protect the team.

I need to protect my Captain.

My captain.

I grit my teeth against the pain in the back of my head, and push myself faster. I can smell the bitch already. I'd make her pay for all those soldiers already rotting into the earth, and I'd make her pay for anyone else she'd planned to hurt today. Not that she'd get the chance now.

As I approach the area of the signals I hear shouting. I look to the far right and see Eren is in retreat, he'll be doing as told no doubt. My god the kid really did trust them didn't he? I almost envy him that. Seemed they had it under control—

…

Gunter?

I keep running but have to swallow hard as I nearly vomit at the sight. Left to swing to and fro, glassy eyed and head askew from his shoulders, Gunter was dead. The blonde bitch must have done that in human form, the cut was too clean to be a Titan's work. It was one thing to be a Titan killing humans, but to do so in human form took real coldness. Soon enough I reach the battlefield, and I watch the amazing take down before me. Oluo and Petra take out her eyes, after Eld's already sliced her knees. Damn these guys. I was glad I'd never had to fight them. The beast falls against a tree, arms once again held over her nape. Damned coward.

I give a roar. The beast jolts, and the team swoop out of the way. There was no point in them getting hurt if I was here to take the brunt. It was what I was for right? I stumble slightly as the pain at the back of my head increases, but I just use it to propel myself forward and thrash the bitch against the tree. I go for the weakest points of her arms and begin tearing at her flesh. She's trying to protect her nape, but I won't let her get away this time. She forms crystal over her joints, but I keep snapping it away, it isn't as strong as before. I believe she's preoccupied with protecting her nape, and regaining her sight. She's tired. My hands are in little bits from clawing at the crystal, but I ignore it and focus on healing my claws. They were my best bet here.

I've got through!

Her arms fall down by her side, but suddenly her knee raises up with a crystal tip to it, and she rams me backwards, casting me away with a gaping hole ripped into my chest. I grunt against the searing pain of the steam, but before I can even try to get up, the team sweep in front of me. Eld gives a little wink as he passes me by.

"Good work Alexia, but we can't have you do _all_ the work! Let's get this bitch!" he cheers sweeping in. It really felt like we'd become a team, and even with my newly made confession. I hold my breath as they go in for the kill, her arms are slack by her sides and she's breathing heavily. Go on guys, fucking rip whoever it was out into the open. Destroy her. "Let's get whoever this is and—"

" _Eld_!" they scream together as I feel my vision spin.

No.

Crunch.

I hadn't even known his last name… I hadn't even known…

His legs fall away to the ground, her one eye staring at us all in turn, as she spits out his other half in what seems to be disgust. He lands with an awfully dull sound and stares up at the clouding sky.

So quick, so heartless.

The other two are obviously caught off guard, and I can't really make out their panicked shouting. It refracts like a broken mirror, and I try and grasp onto what the hell is even happening. Petra is freaking out, she can't focus as fear turns her mind to mush.

Soldiers into children.

Nerves into jelly.

Life into death.

The Female beast lunges, arms still slack by her side as she creepily pitches forward. She chases down the flailing figure of Petra mercilessly, hungrily grunting against Petra's screams. I hear Oluo yell out, begging his comrade to come to her senses, to evade. But I know she can't. Of all the monstrosities I'd seen created by Humanity, this Female Titan was the worst. Perhaps worse than me. I'm still steaming from her previous attack, and the wind chills me as it swirls into the gaping wound, but nevertheless I plunge after them. I catch the beast's ankles and wrench her back before she can get a good hold of my comrade. The blonde gives a pathetic howl when I stomp on her spine, immobilising her. I then go to Petra who is sprawled against the ground, having only just missed impacting with a tree as she was propelled into the dirt. I think her wires broke.

I reach down and lift her to a high up branch as carefully as I can, my hollow breaths shaky as I desperately rein in my strength. So delicate, so small. She's breathing; it's shallow and forced, but it's there. She sobs a little, and shakes her strawberry-blonde head, her hair shining a little in the dim light of the woods. A pretty little thing. I hear the monstrosity coming up behind me, I nod at a bleary eyed Petra before I turn back into the fray. Ignoring the fuzz of my vision, I rugby tackle the beast before she can swipe out Petra and Oluo, who swung in to tend to his injured comrade.

The Female's under me for a moment, but right now her strength greatly exceeds my own. I'm basically just wanting to buy them time to escape, but I'm not sure they will. Too many people have died today to run away without retribution. The Blonde punches my gut, hand slipping inside the original attack's remaining wound. She flips us over, using the momentum to throw me into a tree. I hiss, steam billowing from my wounds as I try and regenerate as quickly as possible. Get it together Senefold. I reach out to grab her head, to bend it forward to rip out the nape, but her knee turns into a sharp crystal blade and she slices into my gut. She's so fast.

I sag to my knees.

Ow.

My claws rip at her flesh, but she keeps hardening it. Damn this woman had skill, and a lot more practise than me at present. I wish we'd met when I was in the swing of this, when I was able to transform multiple times a day, and barely break a fucking sweat. I'd have destroyed her then. When I had no humanity left. But currently that wasn't the case, currently I felt like a damn rookie, sweating my balls off in the first day of training. My head is on fire with pain, and it's trickling through every nerve I possess. It's been barely a second since I sagged to the ground, and in that second she has managed to heal one of her arms. She hardens the fingers and strikes at an odd angle. I feel it in my legs, my real legs, agony sweeping over me in a fresh typhoon. She's found my real body.

I fall back with a pathetic wail.

Oluo swings in as the blonde looks at her handiwork; yes, incapacitate her while she's distracted. Go on you stupid bastard, do it. Just don't bite you tong—

No!

She reformed the other arm already?

I ignore it all; the pain, and the need to regenerate. I had to get them out of here. She was fucking unstoppable. I pull her arm down as she swipes at him, I hear a crunch but can't stop to see the damage done to the man. I can't get distracted. I throw the Female Titan into the dirt and run. I grab Oluo and scoop up Petra as well, running full pelt towards where the Captain should be. I see him and give a call; it's strangled, but he knows it's me. My two passengers are shouting at me, but I just get to the branch, and lay them there, battered and bruised. But alive.

And then my legs give out.

No, not on their own accord.

They're taken out from under me, I yelp in surprise, hands dragging down the dark of the tree as she claws down my back. I see nothing but white as I feel her scrape away most of the nape, slicing my own back as well. I feel like I've been ripped in two, straight down the middle. I can't breathe. I wonder which way the coin is going to fall.

Another bolt cuts through the air and I hear a harrowing cry.

No, Eren, please don't.

The Female is clever enough to drop my sorry ass and turn to see the Beserker Titan bounding towards her. He wipes her out like a damn bug on the wall. They slam through the undergrowth, and I hear trees groan as they're snapped and damaged a little ways off. I also hear the zip of wires, and know that the Captain has arrived. He stands upon the branch with Petra and Oluo, conversing with them quickly. I hold onto the trunk as I try and focus.

"Senefold!" roars the Captain from above.

Yeah, yeah I'm on it… I think.

Instinct takes over, I grab onto the trunk and haul myself up. I can hear the thunder of Eren's battle with the beast, but I can't turn to look yet. If I do, and him failing, this will only be worse. For now I need to do something about the sorry state of my Titan. So much for being formidable. The cold air is swirling through my hair, and I feel it sting against my wounds. Had she actually injured my real body? I can't be sure. But I'm feeling colder with each second. I stand and step away from the tree, trying to think as I wobble a little.

"Get out of there, now!"

"I can do this!" I shout aloud, suddenly feeling myself snap back into my normal body's consciousness. gasp a little as I feel the full extent of what that thing did to me. I think she's sliced me from nape to tailbone… But I'm still attached to my Titan, I'm still in this fight. I look up at the Captain as he binds rags round Petra's torso, and I think she must be badly wounded. I swallow hard. He keeps glancing my way, face unreadable as ever.

"Get them out of here, Captain! I'll get the bitch! I'll get Eren out!"

"No, just—"

A sickening slicing noise halts everything.

We look over and watch the top half of Eren's Titan's head slide away, and the tree next to him has been decapitated also. This wasn't a choice, there was only one option. I swallow my cries as I grit my teeth, and let myself submerge into the muscle once more. It's beyond agony as it slides over my flesh, and I quickly form a make-shift shield of crystal over the gaping hole in my nape. It wasn't as good as full regeneration, but it was a lot quicker.

"No! Senefold stop!"

I ignore the Captain.

"Brat this is an order, stop and get yourself out! We can regroup and…" he continues to shout, but I just ignore his harsh voice. I stagger forward, trying to create some momentum of my own as she drops Eren's limp body into her gaping jaws. Ugly bitch. I shriek at her as I get into a decent run.

Just run.

Just get Eren out of here!

She's turned tail to scarper, but I'm hot on her trail.

There's zipping next to me; Levi, the She-Wolf and Oluo are on my left side. Where the hell did the She-Wolf come from? She wasn't anywhere near us. The blonde loops round and starts heading back towards Oluo and Petra, or perhaps towards the walls is her ultimate goal. Perhaps she didn't have anywhere to go out here, and had a plan to get inside the walls somehow. Well not so fast sweetheart. This is my kingdom.

I lunge and trip the beast.

I suppose the She-Wolf came of her own accord. She seemed bull-headed enough to do that, especially when realising something was up and it involved her Eren. I just hoped she didn't get in the way.

I latch onto the blonde's arms and groan loudly as I feel my body pound against my decision to use my crystal ability again. I send the black brittle tendrils into the blonde's arms and fuse us together.

Dammit.

Blood dribbles down my back from beneath the crystal covering.

She howls in pain and I feel a fresh surge of power, I was hurting her. Good. I hold tighter and look over to the branch. Captain gives out orders: Mikasa and him swing in, whilst Oluo keeps a distance at the perimeter. Oluo has his legs bound by sticks, brave bastard. Stupid, but brave. I know we're not far from Petra, having looped back a decent way, but I hope we're far enough that she isn't still in danger.

The Blonde writhes beneath me. She's struggling better than I'd hoped, I feel the crystal bend as she fights it, and I shriek as it sends flames along my nerves. Just stay still, you're beat! I ignore it and bend down, jaws agape as I go to each of her cheeks and slice them open with my fangs. Her mouth lolls open, and she stares with wide, frightened eyes.

Do I see tears?

"Hold her still, Senefold!" roars the Captain as he descends with the She-Wolf by his side. He dips in and grabs the unconscious boy; the kid fought so well. I hear them zip away, Levi hauling Eren to safety, albeit unenthusiastically.

Snap.

One side of crystal breaks and her great hand clutches my throat and begins to squeeze, trying to break the crystal barrier over my exposed self in the nape. Clever girl. But there's the sound of zipping again, as I feel the crystal begin to scatter over me. I feel cold. She grunts, and suddenly I'm swung round, against a tree, and I hear Petra scream from a little way off.

"Oluo!"

I turn as best I can, and see a smear of blood behind my shoulder. She just… she just used me to kill him. I grit my teeth and sink the crystal further into her. She freezes. I've caught her nape. I can kill her. I can do this! The Captain appears, and is about to attempt an attack on her nape, when I see the blue orbs swing round to him and feel her tense the other arm. No. Not him. Fuck you. I make a strange primal noise as I grit my teeth and try to send my crystal further. But I'm spent. I can barely breathe as I hold her still as possible so she can't swing out at him. Idiot man, get the fuck away.

" _S-STOP_." I choke out and Levi reacts instantly, swinging back and up. His wide eyes stare at me as he does as told, confused by the weird noise of my Titan voice. Even it sounds pained, and strangled. How fucking pathetic. I growl as I hold the Blonde in place, she makes little twitches as her arm aches to reach and snuff out another life. But I won't let her. She won't have my captain. I throw my head back and sob as I use the crystal to slice into her real body. The Blonde shudders as I do.

"A-Alex _please_!" sobs Petra, voice echoing through the tense air. I freeze, the pain and desperation in her voice wakening me from my slushed consciousness. "Just incapacitate her and get out of there! Please! You don't need to die, to prove yourself!"

Yes I do.

Don't you see that, Petra?

I've failed so many people in my life, and even now with this power, I'm still failing.

Shit.

I'm caring all over again, and I feel the human mess sink into my scattered mind.

I see Levi and the She-wolf regrouping a few trees away. They were actually going to try again? I hear Petra's sobbing, and I know Eren's still unconscious. This wasn't a fight I could win. My pride snarls at me, and eggs me on, but I slap the bastard down. I accept the fact I can't risk anyone else getting into range, as I know I can't protect them. I wonder if I'll even make it back to the wagons in this state.

But I have to try.

I gather what little I have left to give. I pull the blonde beast closer, knowing I can't use my crystal again without seriously leaning over to death's doorbell. I sink my teeth into the front of her throat. It shocks her enough to shift her uneasily. If this was to be my end, if I was going to get halfway to those wagons and simply cut out from sheer exhaustion, then I was going to make ensure this beast fucking remembered me. I wanted to etch my existence onto her soul, and make her wake every night in a cold sweat, howling for mercy. I crunch my fangs down until she goes slack, and then I get up. Somehow. I swing her body and discard it into the dirt with an unceremonious crash.

The world stills.

"She's down, move it, Brat!" I turn and nod to the captain, we regroup at the branch and whilst he carries Eren, I take up Petra whilst the She-Wolf keeps an eye out for any other trouble. They rush off, but as I feel Petra tremble in my hand and hear her soft cries, occasionally mumbling 'I'm so sorry Oluo.' I stop and return where he died. I delicately remove his crushed body from the tree trunk, cradling it like an injured bird. The wings upon his cape are soiled by blood. I shake my head against the spreading dark patches, and head to the original battle scene. Petra is still sobbing, but she's holding onto my thumb and nodding slowly, thanking me. Her gratitude makes me queasy. With the same hand holding Oluo, I collect Eld and Gunter. I'd left enough of them out here to rot. I had to make up for that somehow. I had to make up for letting them die… somehow.

"Stop it brat." It almost sounds like an order, but it also sounds like he's pleading.

I look at him with unabashed grief. I have no bravado left to cling to.

"You can't do anything for them."

I snarl at him and hold the dead in one hand, and my Petra in the other.

I'd get you home at least pretty thing. Just hold on.

Levi pauses, nods and gestures for me to follow him back. I do as told.

"That's it Alex, just keep going." I glance at the hand cradled to my chest, and I whimper a little as Petra's pale face lolls forward. "You're… doing… great…"

She lies there, curled into a small bundle as she seems to sleep. Only I fear for the depth of her slumber is now beyond my reach. The others are far ahead, and from what little I can still see through the growing darkness, we aren't far off from the wagons.

But I stop.

I have to know.

With a slightly shaky hand I hold her in front of me. She's so still. I listen, but there's nothing. No heartbeat, no breathing. How had this happened? She was talking, she was moving… I peer closer at the make-shift bindings the Captain used. I see the purple bruising. Internal bleeding. Perhaps she'd been crushed after all. Perhaps I'd been too late anyway. The ice clutches me tighter, and my hate dims as the fire is stabbed by the cold.

After all that, I still hadn't saved any of them.

What was the point?

What was the point in me?

The Captain lands on my shoulder.

"The hell is the hold up here, Senefold? Get yourself and Petra to the…" his voice falters. He walks along my arm, and stands over her body. His eyes are cast in shade so I can't see them clearly, but I can hear the slight shake to his breath. Slowly he kneels down and looks for a pulse, I pretend to not notice the tremor to his hand as he does this. My whole form is shaking, and he hasn't mentioned that, so it seems the least I can do.

He finds nothing.

He sucks a breath through his teeth.

"Get us to the wagons, Senefold. We can't afford to linger."

I walk forward, concentrating on remaining upright as we find the rest of the regiment. I kneel down once the cadets have cleared, and I lay the bodies in the cart, growling a little as the soldiers grimace at the crushed body of Oluo, and separate parts to Eld. I look to another wagon where Eren is laid, Mikasa tending to him as she looks my way and gives a firm nod. I take it as thanks, and small confirmation of him being alive. I give a doff of my head. The cold has died away to a strange numbness now and I straighten up, with the Captain still on my shoulder.

I'm still shaking though and I feel more blood trickle down between my Titan flesh and the crystal cap I made. I'm not sure what kind of pain I'll wake up to when I disengage from this form. If I can disengage, and if I can wake up.

"Your orders still stand, Brat. Don't do anything stupid." He mutters, I glance at him but consider the fact he can't move quite yet. He's as numb as me right now. It's a very full wagon.

I smell something and I tense, shivering halting all of a sudden.

"What is it?"

" _TITANS._ " I growl, turning and dipping into a fighting stance.

"We need to go, you can't keep going like this. Get out of that thing, and we'll make a break for the walls."

And get everyone killed. Great plan Short-arse.

I chuckle and grab him from my shoulder, he struggles and snarls at me but I put him down on the wagon and begin to stagger in the direction of the scent. Leave me to die out here fighting. At least I'll do something in the end. My mind is a mess of pain and anger.

Cold, faltering anger.

"Brat!"

The wagons begin moving and I turn to bid farewell to the idiot. I'd always wondered why he wanted me to survive, guess it didn't matter now. I was a troublesome brat indeed it seemed.

"Senefold!"

Good bye Captain.

"Alexia!"

Good bye Levi.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed!**

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	11. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone! I am having an awesome holiday, with minimal access to wifi, but whenever I do get it? I have been getting wonderful reviews from you guys - shoutouts will be at the end. But thank you to EVERYONE who reads, follows, and favourites as well. You're all awesome, I hope it was worth the wait!**

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 **P.S hope you appreciate the slightly longer than usual update ;) felt like giving some extra this time! More reviews really put me in a generous mood!**

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

The wagon begins to move and I stand there watching her turn around and flex her shoulders. She's readying for battle even now? I don't know how the brat is even standing, let alone thinking of fighting. I see the long streaks of blood that have already run down her back, leaking from the crystal husk she created to protect herself. That isn't Titan blood either, it would have evaporated by now. That's her. The real her. She wouldn't last like that, no matter how well she fought. The smell of the blood would surely lead the Titans to attacking that spot immediately. Even those idiots knew how to smell surely? I see her sinking further into the thicket and my chest aches again.

Leaving someone out here.

I'd already done that. We'd already lost Petra, Oluo, Gunter and Eld… did I really have to lose everyone? Did I have to accept inevitability every fucking time? I'd already fought with the decision of abandoning comrades, I'd fought with that decision for too many years.

No more.

I turn and shout over to Erwin, my patience all but gone. He rides closer, considering me with cold eyes. He looks displeased, but I will no longer obey his damned commands. I can't. Not now. Not this fucking time. I was done with that, and I knew if I didn't do this, I'd regret it. That wasn't something I'd ever allow myself.

"We can't leave her." I state, and he glances back and gives an almost sorry shake of his head. Cold bastard.

"There's no helping her now, Levi. She's too far gone."

"As a weapon she's useful, she's willing to fight."

"We can't be sure of that."

"You've seen her handiwork first-hand. She should be considered as helpful, a damn sight more so than that brat there." I say with my mask in place despite the growing distance. Erwin glances over the where Jeager lies, unconscious and tended to. "You know I'm right."

"I know you believe yourself to be right."

"We can't leave her here." I say through my teeth.

"I cannot waste more men."

"She's worth a thousand soldiers."

"She'll make it back to the wall if she can."

"No." I turn to the end of the wagon and get ready to launch, I wasn't wasting more time on his nonsense. I'd already done that for too long. Just hold on Alexia, I'm going to get you out of there, whether you fucking like it or not.

"Levi!" Erwin barks, and I pause momentarily. "This is an order, stay your blades and stay in this wagon. I repeat, this is an order!"

"You made me lead someone else out here to die, remember Erwin?" I say, turning to glare at him over my shoulder. I ignore the concerned looks of our subordinates as he glares right back. "I won't let you do it again."

"Levi—"

"We'll get back to the wall on our own. Leave a couple horses at the edge of the forest. We'll return as soon as able."

"You can't save her." He says in that infuriating tone, as though he can read me like a damn book. The worst part is he can, but I just hold the blades tighter. "Even if she _does_ survive her injuries, she's lost."

"The hell are you talking about?"

"She did all that to save her comrades, your squad. As far as I'm aware you, her and Eren are all that made it. She's lost. You really think that woman, so stubborn, will come back from that? Her pride will break her."

"Look at your own damn pride Erwin, then judge. I've never seen someone get up from a beating like her. If I can fucking make it, so can she."

"You over estimate her."

"You underestimate everyone." I snap, "Three days, Erwin, four at max. I expect decent horses."

I fire off and head to where I can hear howls and thundering movements. Just hold on Alexia, just be the stubborn ass I know you as for a little longer. Don't you dare make me regret, don't you fucking dare.

She stands in amongst eight or nine Titans, their messy movements make it hard to tell, but there's clearly already bodies littering the clearing. She's fighting well, but steam is rising, they're already gnawing on her. Her shrieking howls cut into me. Just get her out you idiot, then you can panic. It's obvious she's wounded, and it's clear that she isn't going to last much longer.

"Alexia!" I shout, unsure of her reacting to any other name, and right now I don't want to use anything else. Her blazing eyes turn my way, and she gives a strangled wail. Is that pain? Or anger at me ignoring her putting me in that wagon. She shakes her head at me as she sinks to her knees, clawing at another enemy. Even now, whilst losing, she keeps attacking. I'd never seen such stubbornness. Except perhaps in myself, though even I had my limits. But still, she is losing in this. But I can't let this happen on my watch. Nothing takes her down, and I can't allow this to either.

 _Go on big-Bro we're counting on you!_

I shudder at the memory and slice through napes like I would slice into my morning roll. I attack until all I can taste on my tongue is filthy steam. It rises sluggishly from the pile of bodies. But it's done at least. As the murk clears, I land on a branch and watch her as she sits upon her knees, holding herself up on her hands. Her body shudders all over. In pain? I assume so. Her back is completely covered in crimson, and the crystal bubbles at the edges. Titan blood has clearly started to pool inside.

Shit, was the idiot drowning in her own blood?!

But suddenly she's upright. The fuck is she doing? She begins to stagger away from the scene of destruction, growling all the while. Her pace is surprisingly strong, and I know I won't keep up, not without wasting all my gas. I latch onto her shoulder and hold on as she stumbles, grunting as her breathing cuts in and out of existence. This is useless.

"Stop! You need to fucking rest, idiot."

" _T… TITANS… SC…. SCENT..._ " she chokes, eyes half lidded. I look back and see trees shift beyond the gravesite. Would they gather there? Or does she mean her scent? If she means the latter, this running made no sense. She was shedding so much blood, Titans within a thousand miles would smell her. I slap her shoulder with the flat of my blade, ignoring her hiss of objection.

"Get out of that nape. I'll get some distance between us and this useless thing." She hesitates, still lumbering on. "Dammit brat, that's an order."

She jolts to a stop and shivers violently.

I wonder if she remembers my previous order.

She was to survive, surely she could manage something so simple.

Insubordinate idiot wasn't about to break that order, she would survive.

Slowly she nods and braces against a tree. The heat flashes over her skin, and I wonder if it's melted the bottom of my damn boots. Nothing happens at first, and I'm about to attempt cutting her out myself, when finally something cracks. It's like bones splintering. I hoist myself round to the nape and wait, ready to catch her if the idiot toppled straight out. I won't let that happen, I can't lose anyone else.

Not out here.

Not today.

Not again.

The crystal falls away, and she finally she is revealed. Hanging there she gasps as the steaming liquid glugs away. Her eyes look at me, but I'm not sure she actually sees me. With her looking at me I feel formality return to my mind, despite the relief I feel to see her still mainly in one piece.

"Senefold? You conscious?"

"Kin…da…" she gulps with a half-assed smile.

"Idiot."

I hold onto her waist, and tug her out of the scalding mess of muscle. She has no fight left, body like a dolls as she lies limply in my arms. Her head lolls onto my shoulder, I look and almost wish I hadn't. The gash runs from her real nape to just above the small of her back. Damn, she was lucky not to be torn in half, and amazingly I see no damage to the bones. I tug again and she finally disconnects. I retract my wires, and we land upon a branch. I set her down and try to better wrap her cape around her.

"Oi, brat, stay awake if you can."

"Mm?"

"If you meant they'll swarm round that carcass down there, you need to hold on so I can get us out of here. You're too damn heavy to carry on my own."

"Yeshir…"

"What?" I ask, holding her chin up and waiting for her blown pupils to at least slightly focus on me. I need her to stay awake, she needs to make it. It takes a few attempts but she manages it, pausing for a moment as a confused look passes over her paled face as tears start to fall. Shit, don't do that, I can't deal with that.

"Yes…" she gulps thickly, " _Sir._ "

I nod and hoist her up, she's wavering, barely able to stand. I take her arms and wrap them round my neck, she holds as tight as she can, and I just hope it's enough. I push her head to rest against the crook of my neck, hoping to minimise the turbulence on her injuries, as well as allowing me to know she was still breathing.

"Now where the fuck do I go…" I mutter looking around, she grumbles a little.

"S-south… clearing… giant… g-g… p-pale—"

"Giant pale oak?" I finish and she nods as she begins to shiver violently.

I know where she means, and I set off, conserving gas as possible whilst gaining a decent speed. She's like ice in my arms, and I can hear far off Titan movements, but we encounter nothing more than a few startled birds, and a deer down below. I can't believe she actually lived in this damn tree. We'd thought she might, but surmised it'd be too obvious. That instead she would go for something that blended in. I almost smile at the memory of that discussion; had we known of her obnoxious ways, and stubborn attitude, we'd have checked here for sure.

"Hnn…" she whimpers quietly, but it's barely audible. I can tell she's trying to stay quiet, and really I'm thankful for it. There's only so much I can deal with at once. The sensation of her blood seeping into my clothing is bad enough, it makes my skin crawl, and yet I'm more concerned by how much she's still losing. With that wound on her back it wasn't surprising, but there still being any left in her body was. She should be screaming in pain. Is it her nerves that she's clinging onto, or is it simply she can't cry because she's too damn weak to? For once I hope she's being a stubborn jackass.

Please?

Finally we reach the clearing. It's full of white flowers, and their perfume is incredibly strong. I wonder if that was why the Titans didn't seem to venture this far, maybe the perfume put them off. If so, she was a clever little shit.

"The tree's just ahead, Senefold, we're nearly there."

"Gnh…"

As she replies her grip loosens. Shit. I put extra gas into our progress, and see a small structure near the top of the tree. I vault up there, gripping her with one arm as she becomes limp again. Shit, I already told you, you're too damn heavy for that! It was a lie, but it still throws me off balance.

Landing in a heap I lay there with her on top of me as I try to catch my breath. That had been too close. I retract my wires and quickly lay her down. I'm hoping to see her looking up at me, scowling at me, or even smirking at my slightly panicked demeanour. But there's nothing but the blankness of sleep. Peaceful, and pale. Only I feel like this might be more severe than a nap. I tap her cheek but there's no response, come on you damn brat. I lift her gently and check the wound on her back, shuddering at the deepness of the cut. It's still bleeding though. So she still has a heartbeat somewhere, but as I feel at her neck I don't feel much.

"Dammit brat wake up."

Nothing.

My chest aches again, and I hiss at the sudden pain. Dammit you stupid bastard, keep it together. Panic isn't going to help her. I try to swallow the sensation clouding my mind. But it just stays there, fogging me as I see those faces again.

Eld.

Gunter.

Oluo.

Petra.

I push Alexia's dark hair back from her face. It had been so short when we found her, but it's softer now, laying against her cheekbones and across her eyes. I see my hand shake as I push the clammy locks back. She's somehow colder.

Don't add your name to the list.

Eld.

Gunter.

Oluo.

Petra.

Isabel.

Farlan.

Alexia, don't you fucking dare.

"Oi! Brat! How many times do I have to say it? Wake up!" I shake her shoulders roughly, "you're not going out too! Come on, not you! Nothing takes you down, nothing you hear? Wake up now!" I shake her again, slapping her cheek. Finally she gives small gasps, but they're strained, painful sounding. I get rid of her straps, and remove her gear as carefully and quickly as I can. I ignore my own heartbeat as it thunders in my ears.

"Come on, brat, come back! Wake up!"

I sit her up, still slapping her face to get a response. Her breathing seems a little less strained sat like this. I clench my teeth and grab the bag of supplies. Even if she did wake up, which she fucking would if I had anything to do with it, I couldn't let infection set in. Then it'd all be pointless. I pour some cleansing fluid onto rags and peel back what remains of her shirt. It's a fairly clean cut, but the fact I can _see_ the bone turns my stomach a bit. I press the rag in, knowing it should sting like hell, and worried by her lacking flinches. That clearly isn't her being a stubborn asshole either. I press the rag a little harder; partially to push the serum deeper, and partly to get a response. My mind is full of images; of her defiant figure chained to the wall, of her laughing at me as I loomed over her in that cell.

Where was the fire now?

Where was the damn fight?!

I refuse the memories, feeling like they're a prelude to saying goodbye. Not again. I'm sick of saying goodbye. Or not getting the chance to. It seemed to be all I was capable of. I look up but can't see much through the thick canopy. I guess it acted as a decent roof, the brat had brains; that was for sure. But the sky is still there, clouding over with sunset.

"At least give me one… just one? One person… just… one _damn it_." I curse as I hold her to my chest for a moment, simply because I don't know what else to do. It was the damn Glasses that did this medical shit. I hadn't tended to stuff like this since… I could barely even remember. I shuffle her towards the trunk, and prop her there, putting my cape between her and the harsh bark. Still no more movement in either her chest, or lips. She's breathing, but only just. I tug at what remains of her uniform, but it's not much as she's covered in cuts. But I need to get the rest of her bound up. I need to at least fucking try. I use as many bandages as I can, binding everything I can see. But still I'm not sure it'll be enough.

"Come on woman. Keep fighting me." I shout at her. "Go on, you still want to kill me right? You want to crush the life out of me don't you?" I don't know why I'm raising my voice like this, all I'm doing is annoying some squirrels.

She stirs a little.

I shake her again.

I feel like time is slipping through my hands, and so I let go a little. She isn't awake anyway. She can't use it against me. I kneel by her side and pull her to my chest again, it felt oddly soothing to myself. I tangle a hand in her hair, and speak loud and clear. I'm clutching at straws, and her life is the only one left to grab.

"Come on, regenerate… heal… wake up and be an asshole. Just don't make me regret. Don't you dare do that to me, you fucking… you fucking… damn it Alex… _please_."

She groans a little, her head slightly moving against me. I grip her hair tighter, holding my breath. I hear her whimper again, and she tenses the tiniest bit. To the pain? To the cleansing fluid? To me holding her? I guess it doesn't matter, as long as she's waking up.

"Come on, brat. I know you can do it, you're too fucking stubborn not to."

"Mm… sd… ff." She hisses through clenched teeth. It sounds like she's still in a lot of pain, but at least that meant she was conscious. I lean her back, cradling her kind of. I continue to slap at her cheek, I wasn't about to let up now. Not when I was so damn close. I lean down and hear her breathing get less frantic. Though it was only slightly, it was something. She's warmer too I think. I feel the bandages I wound round her, they're a little damp and warm; Titan steam? Or more blood? I don't have the stomach to look.

"Cptn?" she mumbles, I jolt a little and look down, seeing her eyes scrunch in effort. I sit her up a little more, knowing she won't want to be cradled.

"I'm here brat, come on, open your eyes. That's an order."

"Srsly?" she frowns, and I fight the laugh that occurs to me in my onslaught of relief. When the hell was the last time I felt that? I can't even remember. But I stop myself. No. Right now she needs her Captain, not some chuckling idiot. The ache in my chest has lessened with each sign of life, of potential recovery but I try and deny that fact a little. She isn't affecting me that much.

Not at all.

She gasps and I hold tighter – shit maybe she was then.

"Try and stay calm, Senefold. We're safe up here, I got you to one of your old hovels. In the pale oak."

I'm only saying this to keep her heading for my voice, if that was what she was doing, and also to distract myself from the silence. Usually the quiet was something I welcomed, but right now it made my head hurt. I reason with myself determinedly; she's focusing, trying to get her healing into high gear. It takes concentration. That's why she's quiet. And yet with each passing second of silence, I feel that straw slip from my grasp.

Fuck I was pathetic.

I look around to distract myself, and feel a twinge of guilt for using the word 'hovel'. It had two floors, built with sturdy planks of wood. Clearly indicating she had stolen several axes over the years, not to mention building materials. But holy shit she'd put them to good use. I think most houses within the walls were in worse state than this, and it hadn't been lived in for months.

"You really were free…"

"Mm?" she mumbles as her head slumps against my shoulder. At first I panic, but as I see her sleeping face I calm myself, she needed to rest. At least she doesn't look in as much pain this way. Whether that was simply an advantage for me, or she genuinely didn't feel the pain as much in slumber, I couldn't be sure. But I had to get a fire going, or we'd both freeze for sure.

"Don't suppose you'd have fire supplies hidden somewhere up here?"

She shifts a little, presumably still hearing my voice. I edge away, leaning her back against the trunk so I can search out supplies. Considering the well-built manner of her base, her having a decent amount of supplies hidden up here seemed plausible.

The canopy shifts, and I can smell rain, but we're pretty sheltered here so I reckon it should pass over without issue. There's tonnes of little nooks and hidden cupboards, it's amazing she ever found anything. But fucking hell is she well stocked. I internally thank past Alexia for being so well organised. It made sense though, I guess she never knew when a day would bring injury, or illness, and it wasn't as if she had anyone else to rely on. Eventually I find wood and build it up in the small pit on the main level where I left her sleeping.

Her breathing has improved, though still hitching as she shifts in her sleep. Her expression is calm, though occasionally twitching in discomfort. I know the only thing I can do is get this fire going, although as I edge round to double check her bandages, I feel the heat coming off her. It's incredible. At first I think to try and bring her fever down. But then I remember what she is. Eren always ran hot after transforming, especially when it had been taxing, Mikasa had told us that much. I just hope that's what this is. Her bandages are pretty wet at this point, blotched with blood, but mainly it seems to be the result of her healing ability. She's getting paler though, that much is clear.

She's forcing her healing, pushing herself even now.

Fucking moron of a woman.

"Oi, brat." I say by her ear, she shifts a little, a small whimper escaping. "Stop forcing your healing, give yourself time you idiot. I got a fire going, and hopefully you have some food stashed here. Just let yourself heal, you idiot." I say, pushing her hair back again. She whimpers again, but a small smile appears momentarily as well. I pause, watching the way her lips relax again and continue to gasp at the chilled air.

I could do this.

I could manage to keep someone.

Couldn't I?

The fire is soon crackling away and I search out some food. During which I can't deny her resourcefulness. The woman could have lived up here for years without so much as lifting a finger beyond. This explained her infrequent supply trips. I glance to her sleeping form, so unguarded and seemingly at peace. What the hell had made her run from the walls? Why would she come out here alone? For all the splendour of her home, and well stocked cupboards, I couldn't help but notice the lonely nature of the world around us. And I had someone with me. Albeit unconscious, bleeding and on the edge of death. But still, how had she not gone raving mad?

"The hell were you running from?" I murmur as I grab a couple jars of preserved goods. There was some meat, and even some jam. It makes my nose wrinkle at the very thought of how long these had lingered, but they're unopened and would stop my stomachs angry churning. Plus the brat would need to eat once she finally woke up.

If she woke up.

I pause on the stairs between landings and watch her sleep.

No.

 _When_ she woke up.

I settle down next to her, able to hear her breathing. Having already eaten my share I attempt to sleep, seeing no point in fighting my exhaustion. She was sleeping soundly, and the Titans couldn't climb up here even if they did turn up. But as I listen to the whirl of the wind, and the gentle rustle of the leaves, the only other living creature I can hear is a few birds twittering and a couple rodents squeaking. Otherwise it's all quiet. She had it pretty good. I frown as I realise what we had taken from her.

I remember watching her approach the wall, readying the squad as we waited for her to make the climb. None of us knew what to expect, and in all honesty we were shitting it. Well aware of the possibility of her being the Colossal. It seemed stupid now. But at that point, it was the only real lead we had. And we'd struck out hard to attain it. I run my hand over the part of her leg that my wire pierced when she fell. At the time I'd been glad to cause some pain to the bitch we had to find, but now I just grit my teeth. I'd done awful things to her. Yet somehow she didn't seem to hate me, she'd even admitted to respecting me. I pull the cape over myself slightly, and glare at her sleeping face. The hell was this woman's brain like? She was a fucking maniac that was for sure.

I think I've slept a couple hours when she starts convulsing and wakes me up. At first I feel irritable, wondering why the hell some shitty-brat was interrupting my sleep. But then I remember where I am, and why the hell I'm there. I turn to her and see the pained expression on her face in the dying light of the fire, she's white as death and sweating buckets. Her eyes flicker about, and her mouth shifts as she mumbles incoherently. I reach out to touch her forehead, but I retract it, feeling how the heat radiates from her skin. This couldn't be good, even for a shifter. I put my arm around her, and shift her forward, she whimpers something but doesn't wake. I check her wound and am amazed to see it partially healed – but then I'm pissed. This was why she was sick, despite my telling her to stop forcing it. Idiot was going to kill herself through exhaustion at this rate.

"Fucking idiot…" I sigh, leaning her back against the trunk and begin walking around, looking for some kind of water source in the dim light. I needed cold water to bring that fever down, but it's not like there's a fucking tap.

"P-Petra…" she murmurs, head rolling from side to side. Shit. My stomach clenches and I slowly stagger back over to her, unsure of what I can do. Do I wake her? But she needed rest. Did it even count as rest if she was having a nightmare? I have no clue. I know I always felt exhausted after a nightmare, but mine were pretty intense. Then again, as her breathing becomes forced, I doubt this was a mild dream.

"Gunter… Eld!... Oluo… shit… shit! No!" she's suddenly screaming and I'll bet she just relived being used to kill Oluo. I shudder at the memory myself, the woman had tried so hard to save them, and yet… none of it had made a difference. I kneel down next to her and watch her squirm. I reach out and touch her shoulder gently.

"N-No! Petra don't!" she cries out through clenched teeth, breathing even more ragged than before, "Captain _please…_ I-I didn't… I only wanted to h-help, please understand… shit… no!" her body convulses as though she was just kicked in the stomach, and I swallow hard. Dammit. We'd just fought an eighteen meter monster, who had massacred countless soldiers, and yet she still had nightmares about me. The ache in my chest returns with a vengeance.

"Alexia… I—"

"Please believe me! _Please!_ " she screams and I cringe back from the harsh noise, and feel hollow as tears begin to seep from her scrunched eyes. Holy shit what had I done?

"I… I only wanted… to help… t-to…" she's calming down now as I run a hand through her hair, trying to ignore its shaking. "I saved you… right?" she sobs and goes rigid for a moment before her eyes snap open and she's staring right at me. Having been stroking her hair, and monitoring her breathing I'm very close, and her pupils focus a little as she stares, her breath held in as I stare back.

"You're safe Alexia, try and rest." I try to keep my voice even, but I'm not sure it works.

"Y-you're… not…"

"I'm not going to hurt you." I sigh and lean my forehead against hers, my chest pangs as she gives a small mumble of confusion. Could she really not believe that? Was I really such a monster?

"You're nt ddd…" she groans, leaning against me more with a frown, I try and hitch her up a little, not understanding her. I tap at her cheek gently, and she blinks slowly, sinking back into oblivion. "You're…"

"I'm what?" I ask, stopping my tapping and instead gently stroking against her cheekbone with my fingertips. This makes the ghost of a smile appear before it becomes the strained look again. "Come on brat, spit it out, I'm what?"

"Not… dead…" she groans, the smile flickering again, "At least I saved… someone… decent…" and then she goes limp. When she slumps forward I'm struck dumb, her head lands on my shoulder but I can't move. She was so relieved I was alive. For a moment the ache dims, but as I feel her breath against my throat it returns tenfold. The hell was this woman doing to me?

"Shit." I hiss, gently laying her back and making sure the cape was covering her. She's still shivering with a sheen of sweat on her, but her breathing has calmed down again. "Just get better?"

She had fooled us all.

She had fooled me.

And I really was a damn fool.

* * *

 **NORMAL POV**

"Son-of-a-bitch!" I cry out as I feel my body burn. I look around and see a smouldering fire in the middle of my landing, at first I just groan and roll over, assuming I fell over in my last supply run. What a weird dream.

"Finally awake then?" the deep voice makes me jolt and sit up too fast, head spinning as I lean against the trunk panting a little.

"Fuck…"

"Take it easy, brat. You're in no state to move."

I guess it wasn't a dream after all. Everything really happened. I really did fuck it all up.

"Captain?" I whisper peering through my lashes gingerly, was he going to beat me? Lash me? Was I to be dragged back to the walls and chained up again? How the hell did we even get here? My head continues to spin. "How… d-did we get hr?"

"You don't even remember? Typical." He huffs, sitting down by me and shoving some jam and dried meat in my direction. I nibble, though can't take much. "I carried your heavy ass here. You've been out a day at most, but you were a fucking idiot and kept forcing your healing. Despite my orders." He adds with a shake of his head. I give a meek smile and shift a little to relieve the tension in my back.

"Apologies I guess… though really… nngh… really you should be thankful, the faster I heal, the less you have to put up with my whining… gah." I hiss between my teeth as pain slices at my nerves. My spine was still not fully healed, but it was only muscles torn and flesh, the bones were all right. Somehow. "I guess I owe you, again."

"You don't owe me anything." He says a little coldly, getting up and brushing down his trousers. I look at the fire and frown, the echoes of death ringing in my ears as I see the Squad laid out in corpses.

"They really all died didn't they?"

"A lot more would have without your intervention, so don't go wallowing." He walks away for a moment, to reappear with logs that he feeds to the fire. I watch him work, his eyes focused on the flames.

"Why…" I draw carefully on my breath, ribs burning dully. At my hesitation he turns his head to me slightly, quick eyes watchful. "Why the hell are you here Captain?"

"Is that what you call gratitude?" he scoffs, finishing his work with the fire.

"I left you on the w-wagon… and now y-you're here… what the hell were you thinking?" I murmur, holding my ribs steady as they seize. He sees my action and frowns a little.

"You're a worthwhile ally. I mean, you're a lying piece of shit, but still… a lot more of my regiment would have died to that bitch had you not intervened."

"I guess…" I bite my lip, refusing the tears.

"I didn't fancy leaving someone else out here either."

"So I still count as human?" I laugh with a shake of my head, he frowns again, "Didn't see that coming."

"Of course you're still human, you idiot."

"Calling me an idiot now? My, my, that g-gratitude for saving some asses was short lived wasn't it?" I try to sit up, but just fall back down. "Fuck… this is… annoying."

"It's called healing." He says sitting down next to me.

"Oh and I'm sure… you make a _great_ patient." I raise a brow at him and he just rolls his eyes, I know I'm right though. "Do you know if the rest got out?"

"Don't see why they wouldn't, your damn heroics saw to that."

"Now they're _damn_ heroics… shit things are turning round quick." I rasp closing my eyes. "I-I…" I groan and cling to his arm suddenly, tears falling from my eyes as the pain mounts beyond my ability to mask it. Especially when this weak. "Shit sorry… gah…"

"Just breathe, Senefold… just breathe." He soothes as I suck in a quick breath, unable to fully catch it. "Focus, Alexia. Now."

"Yeshir…" I gulp, eyes rolling back with the agony. I'm sure my grip on his arm is painful, but he doesn't mention it. His kindness is unnerving to me but I just wait. I feel fucking helpless. I wonder how long his patience can hold out.

"All right, brat just breathe. In and out, even you can manage that."

"Shut up." I cough slapping at his arm, flinching a little when he gives a chuckle. "Why is it… you're being so nice? It's a bit… unnerving."

"I'm not." He snorts, still not taking back his arm from my grasp. "It's like I said, I'm getting sick of leaving people out here."

"Glad to know I count as people." I wheeze, and he tugs the cape closer round me. As far as I was aware, this counted as nice. So he could take those refusals and shove them back up his arse.

"We already covered that, brat. You're human."

"There's a difference… b-between people and human"

"The hell are you talking about now?"

"A human is a basic biological make-up of cells…" I cringe at a surge of pain, before licking my lips and continuing, eyes still closed. "A person, or people, is someone with a personality worth knowing. At least… that's how it works in my book."

"You sound like Glasses."

"I'll take that as a… c-compliment."

"Take it how you like." He shrugs, looking round at my home with something close to being impressed. "You had it pretty good here didn't you?"

"Wasn't b-bad…" I breathe, the world whirs a little with the pain. "By the way… I'm S-sorry…"

"What the hell are you apologising for? If you can talk, you can fucking survive. Got it?"

I find it interesting he thinks I'd be apologising for dying. There was a time when he'd have revelled in such an idea. It felt like a lifetime ago his boot had been so overly attached to my stomach. We had come a long way it seemed. But that isn't why I'm apologising. I smile a little and look at him with tired eyes.

"Yes… sir." I watch his frown deepen, a hand prodding at his chest. "Did you get injured?"

"That's sir for the time being, brat." He says with a quick glance my way, his hand immediately dropping away from his chest. I shrug a little at his reaction.

"No need… to get… pissy…" I gasp as my ribs flare. "When I said sorry… I meant… nngh…"

"Just stay calm, cadet. I've had enough dramatics from you."

"I…" I swallow hard and look him straight in the eye, which makes me feel a little cold. "I meant… sorry about the freedom." It's really starting to annoy me, the way my breathing is still ragged. But I was clearly on the mend, it was all progress. I can't quite keep the guilt from my look, being here was kind of rubbing it all in his face. I still didn't know who he had lost, and yet right now it was being underlined that I had survived out here so well.

"Never apologise for freedom." He finally says after a long pause, and I see something odd in his eyes as he sits there so close to me. I can't even begin to understand it. I shift uneasily beneath his gaze.

"I never… I never earned it."

"I think you're making up for that now," he throws a random twig into the flames and glances down at my arm which he has bound up. "Don't you?"

"N-not really." I shiver a little and tug the cape closer, he lays a hand to my forehead and sighs, shifting closer to me and pulling the cape over himself as well. It's remarkable how warm he is, I don't bother resisting to rest my head on his shoulder. I expect him to shrug me off, or make some curt remark, but he doesn't, in fact I feel him shift closer.

"It's better to keep you warm, you troublesome brat."

"Apologies again, sir." I mumble a little sleepily.

"At least you shifters seem to heal fast."

"Thought you were complaining about that before… no?"

"Only when you were causing yourself over-exertion..." he prods at his chest again.

"Figured it was better than making you linger… I already let the Squad die… least I can do is try and get you home sooner, rather than later." He turns to me a little more, and I just shy away from the heat of his glare.

"They fought well, they don't need your babysitting."

"Seems so judging by their continued survival." I sigh tiredly, eyes warming a little. I am wearied by this world. I am wearied by humans and their messy society. He tenses, but just sighs along with me.

"You tried, that is effort enough in my book."

"Oh really? Seems like a complete failure to me…"

"I think you're being a little harsh, don't you? Idiot." He says, and I chuckle at him coarsely, small coughs littered in between. "Laughing at your Captain, bold move, brat."

"I'm being harsh." I repeat, voice catching still. "What a way for… the tables to turn…"

"They seem to be doing that a lot lately." He murmurs, glancing my way with a frown again. I groan and raise my hand to prod his cheek. He leans away, but doesn't shrug me off. Something isn't right here. Something is weird. I prod his cheek again and he takes a deep breath through the nose.

"Hey… Captain?"

"Yes, brat?" he says quietly, through his teeth and I prod his cheek a third time. "Stop that."

"You're acting… strange." I flinched a little, but took note of his quick eyes scanning over me. Yup, something was going on.

"Says the woman prodding her superior officer in the face? Right… makes sense." He slaps my hand away when I reach over again. "And what the hell are you talking about?"

I stare up at him and his eyes narrow, I wonder if I'm being a complete idiot here. It's entirely likely, and possibly partially down to my blood loss. But his kindness is almost seeming like affection. Actual affection, perhaps beyond that of a comrade. Plus if I was wrong, and made a tit of myself, what was the worst that'd happen? He'd smirk at me and call me a fool? I'd had worse. And judging from my progress on the recovery front, I'd likely have worse again.

I slowly reach round to his other cheek and gently pull, and whilst I expected him to get annoyed and move away, he doesn't. In fact, he lets me do as I wish, turning his head to me and meeting my gaze. I still can't read those pale eyes of his, but I know what it means when his pulse quickens. The way my head is lain against him, I can hear it pick up as my fingers make their way round to run along his bottom lip. By the time I lean up till our lips are only an instant apart, with my hand having slipping down to rest against his throat, I feel like his heart is doing a hundred yard dash. Holy shit I wasn't wrong was I?

But I don't get to question it any longer.

He presses his lips to mine, and I watch his eyes slide closed, and allow mine to do the same. One of his hands reaches up to cover mine against his neck, and the other tangles into my hair, gently pulling me closer. I have no idea why this is happening, or even how. But I can't deny it feels good. No, it feels amazing. I edge closer, and shiver as I feel his tongue caress my lips, nervously asking for permission. I part my lips and meet him halfway, sighing slightly at the tingling sensation. Soon enough he gives a small sigh of content as well, a slight groan to the noise as he squeezes my hand and I tilt my head to deepen the kiss. All I can hear is my pounding heartbeat, and our shared ragged breath.

I don't know how long we sit there, but eventually we break apart.

I stare at him, and he stares at me.

The silence is heavy, but not entirely uncomfortable.

"Um…" I start, and he just continues to stare, seemingly unable to do anything else. Maybe he's in shock? Oh god, maybe he's having a stroke? Nah… I'm over reacting. He's just not sure how to react to human contact? Seemed the most likely. "So… that happened…"

"It did." He says a little huskily, and I hate the fact my body shivers at that. It's not an unpleasant sensation, but I don't enjoy being affected by him like that. For a long time I'd wondered if I felt something for him, but thus far I had managed to deny it. Humans were messy, but emotional connection was as messy as it got. Especially when with a man who had previously beaten me to a pulp and tormented me to the point of despair. Even for me that was a little twisted, and yet I remained glued to the spot, heart in my mouth as my body leans into him. Logic? Logic where the fuck did you go?

I frown at him and prod his cheek again, this time he smirks a little.

"So what exactly… was that?" I ask, watching the way his pale eyes soften.

"I know you lived on your own for ten years but—"

"You're gonna choose _now_ to be a sassy bitch?"

"Following your lead." He murmurs leaning in and catching my lips again.

Humans were messy.

But it would seem that us two were a fucking catastrophe.

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading, THE PAIRING FINALLY HAPPENED! Well... kind of ;) a sneaky preview if you will!**

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	12. Chapter 12

**Hello again!**

 **For those of you waiting on RBW being updated, it will be asap, but I am still on holiday but yes I will get to it.**

 **For those of you STILL waiting on Flight From Darkness being updated, I AM SO SORRY! But it will be, I promise, I AM continuing that story, i just have so much other stuff going on at the moment, but your patience is so appreciated! Seriously thank you all!**

 **Shall we continue?**

 **Note: M category DEFFO relevant for this chapter, expect shenanigans.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

I'll admit it right here, right now; when I wake again to a pale dawn I wonder if I had some odd little fangirl dream. But when I look to my left I see Levi sat there, slumped against the trunk next to me, I know it was real. Holy shit on a stick. We'd kissed. I frown at the long dead fire and give a small huff of a laugh. What the hell had I been thinking? I put my hand to my mouth and run my fingers along my bottom lip, the sensation an echo of tingles. I was fairly well practised in these things; I'd never shied away from attention as a kid, but I was pretty sure that had been the best kiss I'd ever had. I grimace at myself, what the hell? Then a shrug, bugger it, the man knew what he was doing. For a bitter little shit he certainly had a way with those lips… and that tongue. I shudder. Dammit. Not that I'd ever admit that to the prick, he'd never let it go.

But why had he done it?

I look at him sideways, not wanting to shift too much and wake him. He looks so peaceful and calm, softly breathing as his hair falls across his eyes. Damn he looked good. How does anyone look that good in the morning, after sleeping rough? I puff out my cheeks, this was a hard act to follow. But what exactly was I following? It was hardly a mad dash, declaration of undying love; I gag a little at the idea. But clearly this was _something._ I doubted he did this sort of thing very often, the man had about as much emotional capability as a retarded pig. This was an odd occurrence, and I doubted he had done it lightly. Then again, maybe I'm overthinking this? I thump my head against the trunk lightly. Of course I'm overthinking it. But really what else was there to do? For the past few weeks, I'd wondered if my respect had been moulding into something more. But I'd never imagined it was returned; I mean why the fuck would I?

"Petra's gonna kill me…" I whisper, throat almost closing completely as I clamp my hand over my mouth to smother to sudden onslaught of sobs. Shit. No, Petra wasn't going to do anything was she? She couldn't thanks to me. I close my eyes and let a few tears escape silently, a rough shiver rocking me to my bones. God dammit, that would take some getting used to. Apart from Eren, we were all that was left. And that was assuming the wagons had made it back to the walls. They had to have made it, the universe couldn't be that much of an asshole in one day. Even for the universe, that was pushing it. Holy shit… Petra, you kind little thing, you pretty little thing. I'm so sorry, I'm so very fucking sorry. I shudder, hand ghosting over my shoulder, I'm sorry to you too Oluo. I didn't mean to let anything happen to any of you. Eld and Gunter, you guys I barely even knew. Seemed my lack of contact with you made little difference in the end, I managed to let you down just the same.

Since when was I so attached to people I barely even knew?

Another shudder runs through me and I grit my teeth.

Fuck this.

I carefully edge away from the tree, and the slumbering Catpain. I need to move in order to think, to breathe, and of course in order to take a long overdue piss.

My body aches still, but I make decent progress in little time, only occasionally squeaking against the stiff sensation of my muscles. Ow. I hobble over to the small cupboard looking toilet I'd made, and give myself a seat.

This was quite easily the strangest situation I had ever found myself in.

And that was saying something.

Currently I was sat on my toilet taking a piss, Captain Levi Humanity's Strongest soldier was asleep on my landing, with us both in the wake of a fairly hefty make-out session, having lost our entire team to a maniac blonde Titan, with him now knowing I was in fact a shifter.

As Tuesdays went?

This was a doozy.

Wait… was it even Tuesday? He said I was out a day at least… ugh it doesn't matter really. Being out here always made those distinctions pointless, I counted the days, but I never kept track of which one I was on. What would be the point? It's not like I had a Thursday lunch-date or Saturday morning meeting to keep track of.

I begin to hobble to my water reservoir, pleased to find it hadn't leaked, and had been good enough to use the various overflows I'd designed. I smile a little proudly at my home, wondering what the Captain had thought. Had he even bothered to have a snoop? I wasn't sure if he was the snooping kind. I pour a decent amount to wash my hands, and face free of grime and left over blood, sighing at the sensation of slightly cleaner skin. I had to give it to Levi, he made a decent nurse, he had cleaned me up really well. I carefully prod against the various bandages, but it feels like little more than bruising now. Seemed my healing abilities had served me well as usual. I'd had a lot of weird dreams, but the one I remember clearest is imagining what I'd wake to. I let the water drain away, watching it swirl round the drain as I shiver a little at the images. I'd expected anger, suspicion, a new set of chains and a fresh cell. I'd imagined hate, and pain. And instead I was home, bandaged up, and sat before a well-tended fire. And to top it off, one hell of a kiss.

It was a curve-ball, the universe didn't usually give me many of those.

My home hasn't changed much, and thankfully it seemed the animals had remained respectful in keeping their god-damned distance. Little bastards knew better than to come and use my places as a toilet. I smile at my little haven, I had many dotted around, and this was smaller than the one I'd had beyond Maria. But this was the first of my hide-outs to properly feel like home. It was here I felt most comfortable coming and going, like this was somehow more constant. I swallow. There was something I had to do still, and I couldn't avoid it much longer. I hobble my way up, beyond the second level, and up the small spindly staircase that lead to almost the top of the tree. It was here that my only two possessions brought from beyond Maria sat and waited for my occasional visits.

"Hey guys… sorry it's been a while… then again, I suppose that's also a good thing?" I laugh, picking up the sharp chisel and heavy hammer, hobbling over to kneel down before the two large wooden panels. They were both shaped like tombstones, and both carved from the hardest wood I'd been able to find. Heavy fuckers they were, but they were my anchor. I run my hand over the many scars I'd already given each of them, my heart feeling a little heavier all of a sudden.

It was the one way I'd reminded myself of actually still being human, even on my worst days, these had served as both grim and happy reminders of my place in this world. Outside of the corruption, but still a fundamental part. My hand shakes a little.

"What're these for?"

"Motherfucker!" I yelp, spinning on my knees to where his voice suddenly appeared from. God damn NINJA! He's peering round the trunk with a frown, not understanding in the slightest. I wonder if that's because he hasn't had a coffee though, her certainly looks a little sleepy. I give a meek smile and shrug slightly, patting the floor next to me. He pauses, probably picking up on the slightly solemn atmosphere, but he has nerve and so does as told. He sits next to me, eyes glued to my two wooden chums.

"Seriously… what are they?" he whispers, hand grazing over the small marks on the wood. I retract my hand as his grazes mine, and wait for him to finish his little investigation, but dodge his eyes when he glances my way.

"They're…" I felt like saying it out loud would make them sound incredibly stupid.

"You don't have to tell me." He says gently, lowering his hand. "I don't mean to pry."

"Yes you do, or you would've asked." I laugh a little, and he shrugs with the slightest of smirks. "This one here…" I point to the one with neat rows of distinct groups of five tally's, decorated with wings every now and again. "This is for every soldier I've come across, every dead soldier." I correct myself with a frown, raising the chisel and adding our fallen squad whilst gritting my teeth. Only I put them along the top, joining the other four. He's staring at the wood, his eyes flashing wide for a moment before returning to composed. It was a lot of tally marks. It was a lot of death.

"Why? I thought you didn't care…" he murmurs, seemingly genuinely confused rather than intending to be hurtful. Nevertheless, the comment stings. I flinch a little, but hold back my automatic anger.

"I never said I didn't care. I said I hated what Humanity had become. There is a difference."

He gives an apologetic dip of his head, not able to tear his eyes away from the wooden graveyard.

"I put those left behind out of their misery, and no I don't give them all burials. I can't do that for everyone, so I don't want to only do it for some. I take note of every lost life, and note it down here. I guess it's my version of a burial…" I say, lowing the chisel again and blowing the debris free form the polished surface. He gives me an odd look, but I don't look at him properly in order to figure it out. This is weird and I don't know how to deal with it, I feel more human with each moment that passes between me and the Captain. That in itself fucking terrifies me.

"That's…" he pauses as his eyes ghost across the wood again. "Weirdly beautiful." He says it as though thoroughly confused by the word as it passes over his lips.

"Thanks."

"So why're these separate? They better not be ones you blame yourself for." he says shooting me a glare. I can see why he would think that, and whilst I did blame myself, and probably always would, it wasn't actually the case.

"I can remember people however I fucking like, Levi. Keep that ordering tone to a minimum would ya?" I mutter flipping the chisel in my hand absent-mindedly. He clicks his tongue at me.

"If you insist on being an idiot, I'll order you all I like, brat."

"They're the ones I can't let myself forget." I clarify with closed eyes, feeling him watch me and I hate the fact I sense pity. I could easily be mistaken, and dearly hope I am. My pride has taken enough of a beating; failing the squad was enough to floor me, so the last thing I needed was him treating me like a china doll. Fuck that.

"Why can't you?"

"Most fade into the background, becoming blurs, but those ones… they're the ones I _can't_ let fade. It's just… I dunno… seems wrong."

"I know those four… I guess I always will." He murmurs, pale eyes tightening a little before he taps the other four gently in turn. "But who're the others?"

"So much for not prying…" I sigh, leaning back on my elbows. He pauses but nudges me.

"Indulge me?"

"I don't know their names." I breathe, frowning before I stand up and show him a long scar that runs from my armpit, and twirls all the way to the base of my wrist. He watches my finger, but remains blankly stoic as ever. "That was the first one. I'd been out here maybe a month when I came across him in the woods. I think he's been separated from his Squad, mumbling to himself. No idea if he'd gone mad from seeing too much, or from blunt force trauma. I tried to head over and get him up to the canopy, to see if I could help…"

"But?"

"But a Titan beat me to it. He started screaming and that was that, a four metre came, chomped and trundled on like it was nothing. Like he was nothing." I trace the scar again, setting my jaw as I speak through my teeth. "It was the first soldier I saw die that didn't have to. So yeah… when I tried to get out of there after killing his murderer, I got a little distracted. I collided with a tree like the elegant idiot I am, and woke to an eight metre looming over me. I got out without much issue, but I dropped a blade, slicing my arm in the process."

"Why is it you still have scars? Jeager doesn't have any after shifting. At least he doesn't seem to." As he speaks, he slowly reaches up to touch the pale scar, frown deepening slightly.

"I can suppress my healing ability, and I do that when I want the scars." I explain with a shrug, he wrinkles his nose but I just stare down his disapproval. "We all have coping mechanisms, Levi, don't go judging mine."

"And yet yours seem the most stupid." He scorns with a shake of his head, retracting his hand and brushing it through his hair. I laugh at him a little bitterly, his pale eyes snap up to me and his frown turns into a glare.

"Oh yes, and becoming an emotionless psycho with a cleaning fetish is so much better?"

"You were hardly sunshine and rainbows when we found you."

"Never said I was." I snap, and he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. I count to ten, then touch the second strip, knowing that moving on would be the best course of action right now. We were both too easily riled up by each other; that much was clear as day. The second mark has a jagged look to it, and I remember how I'd been blinded by rage when I made that mark.

"Alexia—"

"Second one was a girl I found below my home. I'd hidden when hearing the regiment enter the forest so close by, I hid like a damned coward as the battle went on. I heard them screaming, I heard the Titans howling, and I hid. It was the first anniversary of my escape and… well I was scared stiff, like a rookie on their first mission I was paler than milk, and shaking like a damned leaf. It had been quiet for a while when I heard her sobbing, hanging there blood dribbling all over her. I looked down at her, and she looked up at me. She didn't even seem to care who I was, or why I was there, she just said it without hesitation." I swallow hard. " _Kill me_. I could see she wasn't going to make it, she was torn apart, I had no idea how she was alive at that point anyway. So… I did as she asked me to. I flung a broken bit of blade at her, and slit her throat. She was gone in seconds." I finish nail picking at the jagged line a little.

"Why remember her?"

"Because she looked right at me, understood I _could_ have saved her, but instead asked me to kill her. She was scared of surviving." I sit down a little heavily and shake my head, digging the chisel into the wooden planks beneath. "It made me terrified of ever getting to that point. Of being so scared of facing another day that I'd wish for death."

Levi stares at the jagged line and purses his lips, whole expression darkening. He clicks his tongue again and slightly angles himself away from me. I just wait, not understanding this reaction but sensing my query would only lead to more silence.

"You wanted me to kill you." He says, eyes trained on that jagged line.

"Well yeah…" I shrug, and he frowns at me. "I'd rather die than give in. I meant if I wasn't in control of my life, Levi. Don't go thinking yourself as that fucking terrifying." I snort and for some reason that actually softens his look. He casts another glance at the tally mark and gives a tiny nod.

"I guess you demanding me kill you _was_ you taking control."

"Too fucking right." I laugh shaking my head.

"Now who's the psycho?" he murmurs, eyes still darkened.

"Seriously Levi, stop with the sad-sack look? I get that suddenly you're feeling guilty because you're all about snogging me now, but really, I don't want little mister sad-face—"

"I just wish I hadn't been quite so vile about it, all right?" he snaps and I hold up my hands.

"All right, all right, don't tangle your cravat."

"God damn you're irritating."

"Well duh," I say with a quick wink, glad to have a slight lift in tone during this rather solemn discussion. I could deal with angry Levi albeit from a distance, and I was well accustomed to indifference Levi, but sad-sack Levi was plain weird. Not something I'd expected or fully understood.

"You still wanna hear the rest?"

"Yeah, go ahead." He leans against the trunk and waves off-handily.

"Well the last two are together actually…" I sigh, tugging on my ripped trouser to reveal the beginning of the scar that runs the length of my leg. I run my hand all along where it is, and his eyes follow, widening a little as my finger continues to climb and outline the broad wound.

"The fuck happened?"

"In all honesty I'm not sure. There was this huge storm, and frankly I don't know why the regiment was out in it in the first place, but there they were, boldly going where morons would go." I mutter, not enjoying this memory at all, but knowing that stopping would be worse. An odd expression passes over Levi's face, but I don't comment on it, I just assume he's listening intently.

"I couldn't help but go in once the storm had cleared, and the regiment had moved out. I had to see what the hell had gone on, and of course to see if there was anyone I could help. In all honesty there wasn't much of anything left… but in a clearing there was this _huge_ Titan skeleton, it had to be an aberrant. There was just piles of corpses everywhere, it was awful…" I shudder, but press on, my finger tracing the top of my scar still.

"Most of the bodies were far away, kind of scattered y'know? Only two bodies were near the skeleton and I can't ever forget those faces…" I breathe with a long shudder, "A girl… I mean… she was so fucking young, she had these big green eyes, and spiky Auburn hair, I'd never seen such a waste. She was a real beauty. Her head was laying there, staring at me, and then when I turned away I saw this guy, or half of him… he… he had—"

"Blonde hair right? Bitten clean in half." Finishes Levi dully.

The shudder runs through me again and I stare at him a little in disbelief. He turns to me at long last, and I sink to my knees with the unbridled rage and guilt lingering in his eyes. It wasn't very often I saw past his mask, it was terrifying. And yet I was drawn to it. I feel like I'll regret it, but I reach out and brush my hand to his cheekbone, it's cold.

"That… that was them?" I swallow and his silence is confirmation enough. "I… I buried them… I buried them there, and that's their marks… it isn't much I know but—"

He's suddenly up, and holding his lips to mine, almost to a painful extent as he holds the back of my head. I don't fight it, I just follow his lead into the odd kiss. It's thankful, hateful, pitiful, and regretful. But at the same time I sense his relief. I don't understand it, but I know it's there. He finally breaks away and sits there, forehead pressed to mine as he pants a little, licking his lips whilst his hands shake.

"You're going to fucking ruin me." He rasps, letting go of my head and sitting back. His hand doesn't shake as he reaches over to touch the two lines, gritting his teeth. I stare at him, not quite knowing what the hell I'm meant to do. This was a side to Levi I also didn't know or understand. "Do… do you want to know their names?"

"Only if you want to share them."

"What?" he says, looking at me, hand remaining over the wounded slab of wood.

"I'm not about to demand you share everything with me, Levi."

"I offered."

"Yes but out of a want to share, or out of necessity?" I say with a squint of my eyes. "I mean seriously, I won't be sharing everything with you any time soon. But if you feel like sharing the memory, go ahead, it'd be nice to put a name to the faces that I see."

"You have a very strange way of thinking."

"Your talents of observation really are staggering." I say with a roll of my eyes, and he flicks at my forehead. "Sorry, I'll shut up."

"For once…" he mutters, clicking his tongue as his eyes drift back to the wood. He pauses, seems to really think about it, and then draws a long breath, meeting my eyes with a slightly calmer look than before, "Isabel and Farlan." He answers in a sigh, and it's almost as if he's pleased for someone else to know and remember.

"It was them you lost then?"

He nods.

"Good to know…" I say with a nod, leaning back, "It was you that took down the Titan right?"

He frowns, but nods slowly.

"How the hell did you know that? You said you didn't get there till after we'd left."

"I remember the skeleton had huge cuts into it. I knew whoever had killed that thing, though at the time I'd assumed it was a whole Squad, I knew they'd been angry."

"I tore that bastard apart." He nods slowly, letting the silence settle a little before looking back to the panels and tapping the other slab. "So what's this one?"

"That's my kill quota."

He blinks, sitting a little closer as he takes in the riddled surface. At the moment it sat at 506 marks, and that was a new slab in the past four years. He finishes counting and turns to me with confusion, slowly looking me up and down with a shake of his head. I wait for the amazement to die down, and I won't lie, I know he's impressed. Quite frankly he'd be a retard not to be. But then again, if he really thought about it, it only works out at like 2-3 a week at most. I think he does this calculation and his amazement dims.

"Why not go hunting more often?"

"I'm not one to tempt Fate, look what happened without me doing that?" I laugh lying back and rolling slightly against the wood, my back was definitely healing. I notice his quietness and look up at him with a raised brow. "What?"

"Will you keep the scar on your back?"

"Obviously." I shrug, rolling again before propping myself up on my elbows. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Just let it heal Senefold."

"Don't think I'll listen to you anymore because you talk at me like a Captain. Either way I'll fucking ignore you." I sigh, but squeak a little when he suddenly pounces on me and pins me down. "Uh…"

"You've suffered enough, you've fucking given enough, let it heal."

"No." I say simply, trying to ignore the uptake in my heartbeat as he hovers above me. His teeth flash into view for a moment, and he's glaring hard. "Use your scary face as much as you like, it doesn't change my answer."

"Why punish yourself more?"

"My body, my life, my fucking choice."

"Do you _have_ to be so frustrating?"

"Do you _have_ to be so neurotic?" I snap back, he huffs before getting up to head back down to the landings below as he shakes his head grumbling under his breath. But I'm not having that, fuck no. I leap up and chase after him, jabbing him in the back as I do.

"Oi! Don't ignore me, why the hell do you need me to heal so much huh? I'll be ready to head back to base soon enough, don't worry we don't be delayed by my fuck ups any longer than neccess—"

"That isn't the issue!" he growls, stopping on the landing and turning to me with something like anger. I square up to him and tilt my head up.

"Then what is? Stop dancing around the point like a prick!"

"Fine!" he roars, pushing me up against the trunk of the tree, crashing his lips against mine.

I gasp at the sudden change in tone, and he hungrily deepens the kiss. Apparently my body was more prepared for this than my head was. My hands latch onto the back of his head, fingers tangling in his dark hair as I eagerly invite his tongue in and caress it with my own. I even groan. I have no idea where this side to my nature came from, or where it had been hiding, but I can't deny it's enjoyable. In fact, a little more than that. I'd always teased him about wanting this kind of thing, but I'd never really believed it till now. And the way he presses me against the trunk of the tree, his strong hands roaming all over me as he groans into the kiss, I know I'll never be able to deny it again. Damn he feels good. I hitch a leg up onto his hip, and he immediately grabs the other, pulling my legs round him, and hands trailing up to cup my ass. I hold him close and tug on his hair to get better access to his muscled throat, I drag my teeth along and huskily gasp as his hands slide up my sides and massage against my hips bones with his thumbs.

"Direct enough?" he grunts, grinding against me roughly as he kisses along my collar bone and up my neck. I whimper as he passes over my pulse point, but grit my teeth against the stupid noise.

"Getting there." I mutter, tightening my legs, pulling him closer. He gives a grunting moan and lets us tumble onto the floor, pinning me in place as he makes short work of my attire. Man knew what he wanted apparently; and once again my hands work on their own accord. They'd already removed his shirt and are working on his belt as fast as they can.

"Fuck… Alexia…" he gasps against my shoulder, suddenly hunching over as I take firm grip on his manhood, attempting to hide my amazement. Fucking hell, it was a third leg! I'd be ripped in half… then again, what a damned good way to go. I latch onto his neck, kissing and licking as I begin to stroke strong but slow, hoping to make him desperate.

What can I say?

I'm a malicious bitch.

"/Captain/… nngh!" I purr, licking the shell of his ear, gasping as his hand makes its way southward and his fingers trace me. How could such a brute be so delicate? I barely have time to think before he begins to caress deeper, capturing my lips with his again as I wantonly mewl into him. I just roll my eyes at myself and give into the sensation, as I increase my pace along his length, refusing to be outdone.

"Nngh… fuck you…" he hisses, increasing his own pace and thumbing my bundle of nerves.

"I guess that's the idea here." I murmur against his shoulder biting down on his neck. "Come on Captain… you know what you want… and…" I shriek as he puts in another digit, "Give it to me."

"Give you what, brat?" he pants huskily, taking a breast into his mouth and sucking hard before biting down just as intensely. I claw down his back a little, vision blurring as my mind loses its ability to think. Dammit he knew what he was doing.

"You know exactly what, you teasing bastard."

"Come on Alexia," he growls into my ear, nibbling on the lobe, "Aren't you hungry?"

I quiver as he says my name, and grin as I remember all the times we'd teased each other.

Fuck, this had been a long time coming hadn't it?

"Come on Levi…" I whisper, rising to his challenge as I tighten my hold on him, grinding my hips against his a little. "Why don't you give into those pesky… _frustrations._ "

He gives a growl and bites at my lip, patience seemingly giving out as he moves my hand away, holding my wrists above my head in a vice-like grip. In the next instant he aligns himself and delves deep into me, giving no warning as he fills me with his engorged self. My head snaps back and I scream, it dying away to a guttural growl as I grind against him, panting like a damn dog.

"F-fuck… Levi…" I snarl, somehow feeling like I lost that spat.

"Alexia…" he growls, resting his head against my shoulder as he pounds into me, hands suddenly gripping my hips as his bites down on my skin. I wrap my arms round his neck and hold on for dear life. Its amazing, mind blowing, and hip bruising. This would hurt a lot in the morning. Or the afternoon, as far as I knew it _was_ morning.

"Ugh I hate you…" he groans, hands drifting across my body in slow, sensuous caresses, each sending fresh tremors through my nerves. He traces my curves, my scars, seeming captivated as his pale eyes follow his hands. "I hate what you've done to me…"

"And what's… that?" I mumble biting down on my lip as a weird sensation prickles in my chest, he pauses for a moment, fingers ghosting against my lip as he frowns. The prickling gets worse as this still moment draws on. Shit, don't do that, don't look at me like that.

"Don't do that."

"Do wha—" I was speaking through my teeth as they gnawed on my lip, but as he suddenly thrusts again I throw my head back again, moaning loudly. He chuckles, doing it again but harder making me pant with a whimper.

"Yes… that's it, let me hear you, dammit." He pants, resting his forehead to mine. "You know what you've done to me… you have to." He says through his teeth, and I feel that weird sensation in my chest burst.

Stop it, you can't do this to me, not you Levi… not you.

My whole body convulse as my moment thrashes my nerves.

"Fuck!" I gasp, and he holds me tighter, his movements becoming erratic, desperate even.

"Tell me you know…" he hisses, kissing me hungrily, I tangle my hands in his hair, feeling angry tears leak from my eyes as we both reach our moment together. "Tell me!" he pleads, going rigid for a moment before collapsing next to me in a panting mess. We lie there, staring at each other in the midst of a blazing afterglow.

Shit.

You fucking bastard.

"I-I know…" I breathe softly, meeting his eye to only find my heart picks up the pace as he stares back seemingly shell-shocked at my confession. "At least I hope I know what you seem to think I should know, y'know?"

"I'm going to say… yes." He pants, rolling onto his back to stare up at the canopy. I do the same and frown a little. What the hell had just happened? Was that some mad-dash declaration of—nope. No, no, nopedy, nope, nope. No one had said anything like that, so I am _not_ reading into this like that. Nope.

"How is it you _don't_ hate me?"

"How is it you're suddenly so talkative and emotional?" I ask, but when he doesn't respond except to clench his jaw I give a long sigh and shuffle closer to him, ignoring the way he angles himself away slightly. "Why is it you need to know why?"

"Stop dancing round the point like a prick."

"Answer my question then."

"I need to know because it makes no fucking sense." He spits through his teeth and I raise a brow and prod his cheek again. "I'm not fucking joking br—" I press my lips to his, and despite the way he tenses, seemingly about to throw me off him, I just hold on and press my lips firmer.

"You think too much." I sigh as I slowly break away, he swallows hard, nodding in agreement, but not taking back the question. I groan and rest my head against his chest, giving it a light thump. "I hate a lot in this world because of complacent assholes, and people corrupted by all the shit. But that doesn't exactly apply to you, does it?"

"I guess not…" he mumbles, apparently not entirely convinced. I give his chest another thump, though a little harder so he at least gives a small grunt.

"Wallow in self-doubt all you fucking like Levi, but fundamentally, past all your bullshit, you're a decent guy. Damned violent and scary as shit when crossed, but yeah… fundamentally good." I scoff, rolling and getting up to shrug my shirt back on. He stares up at me, sitting up with a look that seemed disbelieving. "What?" I laugh heading towards my shower.

He gets up and walks towards me, surprisingly brazen is his nude state. Not that I'm complaining, it's a decent view. But before I can make a joke, he puts a hand behind my head and pulls me into a tender kiss that catches me more off guard that his sudden lurch into lust. He kept blabbing on about me doing something to him, but as those damn prickles return to my chest, I feel I need to kick him in the nuts for doing _this_ to me. Fucking hell. I shiver at the delicate touch, and my hands linger mid-air for a moment, indecisively wavering.

Shove him off and claim I was joking?

Deny this annoying sensation tugging me closer to him?

Or submit?

"Give in, Alexia." He breathes, momentarily breaking the kiss before soon resuming it and letting one hand drift to my waist where he pulls gently. I stumble a little, but as I let my hands lower, to rest against his chest, the sensation in me increases tenfold and I whine a little.

"Ugh I hate you…" I groan kissing back, sighing against my better judgement as his arms wind round me. I hear his chuckle rumble in his chest.

"I know." He chuckles again, and I promptly stomp down on his foot.

Laughing at me is never a good idea.

"Fuck! You heavy brat!" he curses, hopping a little. I snicker and head for the shower again, nodding over to him. "Where the hell are you going? _Fuck_." he grumbles, flexing his toes.

"It _cannot_ have hurt that much, men are such babies."

"You're a heavy sod. I'll ask again, where are you going?"

"For a clean-freak such as yourself, I'd think you'd be glad of a shower after at least two days sleeping rough and a rampant sexcapade."

"Are you seriously trying to convince me you made plumbing?" he says tilting his head, "This place is impressive, I'll give you that but… _plumbing_?" he adds with a raising of his brow. I turn with my hands on my hips and raise a brow of my own. This was a very strange dynamic, but I was willing to play along for now. At least he wasn't wallowing any more, it felt oddly good to know I could distract him.

"No, I haven't got _actual_ plumbing, but I improvised."

"Uh huh…"

"I was a savage woman living in a tree for ten years all on my lonesome talking to squirrels, but I know I need to bathe!" I huff beckoning him. He follows me, still looking unconvinced. I flinch a little as the muscles in my back twinge, either from injury or strenuous fucking. His hand suddenly appears where the muscle spasmed and I automatically lean into the touch, then immediately going the other way a second later. Get a grip woman.

"Is it still hurting?" he says, ignoring my leanings and keeping his hand there. He's warm.

"Funny how you didn't seem all that bothered when fucking me…" I murmur reaching up for the make-shift curtain I had. He ignores my comment, gently kneading my back. I sigh and let him do his work, sensing it made the strange little man happy. I say little, but my hips are not happy with me.

"How does this 'shower' work then?" he says, still working away. I turn, tug him inside the small cubicle like thing, and discard my shirt again, slightly confused by why I bothered with it at all. He seems surprised by my forward attitude but I just smirk at the faint blush that goes across his face as he averts his eyes. A gentlemen it seemed. Weird.

"Like this." I say pulling on a cord to douse us in the icy water, I had expected it so gasp at the exhilaration, pulling the cord again to cut off the torrent. He shrieked, sending a few birds squawking into the air gossiping about the rude neighbours. I can't quite stifle my laughter. It was a full on shriek, very manly of course, but a shriek nonetheless.

"Y-you fucking brat." He shivers and I snicker, reaching for some soap and chucking him some as well. "Some warning might have been nice."

"Yeah but this was a lot funnier for me." I begin lathering up and sigh as I run it through my hair, hanging it back a little as the smell surrounds me. "Sorry, I'm not so good as to have a hot water supply as well. Better lather up before the next—" ice water cascades over me and now I'm the one to vacate the nearby bird population.

"You're right, that is funny." He drawls, scraping his hair back out of his face after our second dousing. I won't deny he had a strange humour to him, but that doesn't stop my flicking his nose.

"Asshole."

"Brat."

"Prick."

"Titan." He says, raising a smug brow whilst my mouth slowly closes, my previously planned retort dying in my throat. I begin to blush a lot, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"Oh… right… about that."

"You have some explaining to do, brat. But first, get me a fucking towel."

* * *

 **I hope you all enjoyed, action will be returning in the next one, but I figured a wee break would be fine? Right?**

 **Thank you to everyone reading, following and reviewing, its so awesome to have you all!**

 **Wildyy: hope that was a decent bit of Levi and Alexia, returning to the walls is coming up though! Thank you so much, your review had me giddy for ages, really hit home. And it's funny you should say I should write my own stuff - because I do . too much of it!**

 **Freyja: thanks so much! I'm glad you think I do Levi well, it's always a worry of mine, as I always endeavour to keep characters from the show as consistent as possible. Always trying to avoid OOC if i can!**

 **Gracexxx: yes the ship has officially sailed! Let's just hope it doesn't sink... :P**

 **Anime Goddess: thank you for clarifying! And I'm glad you're enjoying :D hope the story was less frustrating this time?**

 **Guest: I always try and shoutout everyone who is kind/awesome enough to take the time to review!**

 **Other Guest: Wow. 'Masterpiece'? I'm still reeling from your review, thank you so much! And I'm glad you're enjoying the pairing, I always find people making Levi too cute a bit weird. Hope it continues to please!**

 **LynnStark: You continue to be awesome! And I'm glad I surprised you! Always a hope of mine to do the unexpected!**

 **Lilly... stop trying to steal my OC's from Levi! Sheesh!**

 **Maria: glad to know this is along your street as well! I shall try to keep it as good as ever, *sweats***

 **XBeccaX: glad you enjoyed! Thanks for your thoughts! Don't worry, Erwin will have his time to explain ;) but yeh, I've really gone down the bitchy path with him in this one. I don't in all my stuff though, he's just such a great character to explore!**

 **Thanks, Fran**


	13. AUTHORS NOTE APOLOGIES IN BUCKETS

**TO ALL MY LOVELY READERS; OLD NEW AND CURRENTLY READING THROUGH FOR THE FIRST TIME.**

 **Despite not being able to tell you details, I am in the midst of a MAJOR personal project right now to do with writing. This is the main reason my updates have been becoming less frequent. I realise this doesn't give you new content, and doesn't help if you're feeling pissed off at me. HOWEVER. My deadline for this project is now only a month away, 4 short weeks.**

 **Safe to say that me = a stressball mess right now.**

 **So although I MIGHT be able to use my fics as downtime, relaxation, as my current project IS writing, i may not. Basically my dears, i don't fricking know!**

 **ANYWAY!**

 **The long and short of it is, over the next month I may or may not update. I am sorry, wholeheartedly, and frankly its poor planning on my part. HOWEVER. All stories are going to be continued, and ALL stories have a lot more planned to come along. Please don't doubt that, and I hope to retain your awesome support.**

 **Hopefully I can eventually tell you about this project, but for the time being it is hushilled up.**

 **Thank you for your patience, and once again, I AM SO SORRY!**


	14. Chapter 14

**HELLO READERS. All right, so a wee update on my situation will be at the end of this chapter because my god you have waited long enough! Thank you though for your patience, you wonderful people, I hope this has been worth the wait, but like I said details of situation below!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

 **Warning: From here there will be aspects of lore etc. from the Manga so yeah Spoiler alert, but if you're already reading fanfic, I'm guessing most of you are prepared for that? Anyway warning applied! Nothing explicitly outlined as being part of the manga, but it be there!**

 **Thanks for reading, and for sticking with me! I hope this was worth the wait!**

* * *

He wasn't happy with the horses they left for us. Shocker. Personally I was surprised they had left any at all, presumably he'd asked them to. I wonder how that exchange had gone; did Levi ignore an order? Or did Erwin tell him to come get his pet? I watch the road ahead as my head ticks it all over. He's been looking at me occasionally all the way through our journey, starting with our progress on foot from my hideout, all the way to here as we ride away from the trees. I won't lie; it's pissing me off. At first I wondered if he was just extra cautious of me, knowing the full extent to my shifting abilities now, but then I push that idea away. You don't fuck something you're scared of. Then again maybe he would… I snort a little to myself, perhaps even he wasn't that masochistic. So why the glances? Did he expect me to try and give him the slip? There was no way I could do that; on a good day I'd barely manage, and right now I was still healing up and recovering. There was no chance. So again I ask myself, why the fuck does he keep looking at me?

We get a few miles away from the treeline when I finally give in and flip the bird at him. He clicks his tongue.

"What's that for, brat?"

"For your fucking staring, _sir._ " I clarify and raise a brow at him, he meets it with an unimpressed look which I just sneer back at. "Stop it, or I'm going to throw a blade at you."

"Not likely." He says blandly, but he doesn't deny the staring.

"But not impossible. Look, if I had known you'd end up being all weird like this I'd have never told you, god dammit." I grit my teeth and push my horse a little faster, still wishing I hadn't told him the damned truth. He rides faster, matching my pace and riding closer. I glance his way and glare. "Cut that shit out and all. I'm not about to run off, what would be the point?"

"I just wanted to get close enough to do this." And he smacks me on the back of the head. Hard. I look down at my gear, a fresh set left by a horse for me, and I wonder if I should just shave his damned head, give him something else to focus on that way. "I'm still processing your little sob-story all right, fucking liar anyway, you claimed to never have one."

"You remember my words a lot better than I do Levi, you weird little memory bank, but even I _did_ say that? I will have meant it. Just because you've decided it's some heart-breaking lamentation about my life, doesn't mean I consider it that." I sigh and try to look at the horizon again, trying to ignore the continued scrutiny from the man. But there it is, that heat I feel when he's staring at me, or perhaps it's a glare?

"I feel sympathy, is that a damn crime, Senefold?"

"When it's coming from someone like you? I see it as pity." I tsk at him, and he laughs bitterly. It such an alien noise, but I don't react, I just hold the rein tighter.

"Fucking hypocrite."

"Say what not?" I demand angrily, and he smirks at me in that irritating fashion of his.

"Just because you see it as pity doesn't mean I do." He snickers and rides at a normal distance again. I admit it was annoying to have a mirror shoved in my face, but I was glad to know he hadn't become some whimpering numbnuts because we'd had sex. Not that I expected him to, but connection does weird shit to people. That much I did know. Still I didn't understand why it had happened, sure he was damn attractive in an angry pixie-slave-driver-bastard way, but why the hell had I risked it? I guess logic hadn't had much to do with it. One minute we were talking and the next… well… I sigh and try to clear my head.

"Fair enough, Captain. Touché and all that jazz, but can you stop peeking over at me like some paranoid mother?"

"I have a couple reasons to want to keep you alive now, brat. And not just because of your damned past, you know that, so suck it up."

"Kinky in the circumstances, but I've never done that on a horse—"

"For fuck sake…" he groans into his hand and I laugh loudly, "Just accept the fact I'm invested in your survival all right?"

"So romantic." I sigh with a flutter of my lashes and he rolls his eyes. We ride on in a weirdly comfortable silence considering how my head is whirring away. A couple of reasons eh? So was it that he actually gave a shit about me? Or was it all just orders from the top dog? Had this all been a ploy to get me back inside the walls where they could chain me down and study me? Or… and this seemed wholly unlikely, was it genuine affection? The idea of him actually having formed an attachment to anyone, let alone my sorry ass, seemed implausible. But perhaps not impossible.

In all honesty I hadn't been nearly as daunted about telling him the truth of my powers, as I had expected to be. I had expected to stutter the whole way, hide my face behind my hands and become the idiot of a tit that I so clearly was when confronting shit. But no. It poured out all matter-of-fact, and in all honesty I think that freaked him out more. Not that he'd admit it. But he definitely got a bit paler, which was interesting.

After we'd had our shower and the rather touchy elephant in the room had reared its head, there was no way of avoiding it. I sat him down and made us some tea, the amount of surprise on his face was getting a little old. Yes, I have tea and a kettle, my god how is this possible? It's easy enough to steal this shit… jeez.

"So come on then, you're a Titan shifter... details." He said as I handed over the tea and sat next to him. I'd been surprised that he hadn't shuffled away, or even seemed as though he wanted to distance himself whilst I explained it all. I'd sat that close to him out of curiosity, but no, he stayed put and watched me closely as ever. I knew then that it'd be a weird conversation. I set my cup down and crossed my legs.

"All right, but just… don't… I dunno… over-react."

"Yeah because I'm the one always flipping out…" he drawled and I just rolled my eyes at him. Of all the times for him to be a sass-ass he chose then? I quelled my anger though and drew a long, calming breath. I'd never spoken to anyone about how it all happened, I mean other than the squirrels, who the hell would I have told?

"How much do you wanna know?" I asked a little dumbly whilst I fiddled my hands together nervously. This was big even for an unfeeling bitch like myself. This was my life, this was my secret, and yet I was going to lay it all out there for him. Shit. When he didn't respond with a snappy comment, or a berating about me wasting time, I looked at him and stared a little. He was watching me closely, but he looked confused. I tilted my head. "Levi?"

"As much as you feel comfortable with me knowing, I guess." He shrugged, a look of affection glimmering in and out of existence. I nodded, it made sense, not that he didn't want to know, but that he knew if he demanded shit he wouldn't get it. He was a clever git, I'd give him that.

"I was eight when I was given the power… not sure 'given' is the right word... but anyway, a man had been coming to our family home periodically over the past two weeks or so, maybe longer. This wasn't out of the ordinary, my parents frequently got checked on by 'the family'. We weren't important, but still, blood was blood apparently. So they kept us with enough money to keep the roof over our heads, and a decent amount of alcohol keeping my parents docile in their uselessness."

"What do you mean, 'the family'." He repeated and I just shrugged, he didn't seem to trust that at first but really there wasn't much I could tell him.

"I don't know, it was something my parents would say all the time. 'The family' look after us, 'the family' expects things… I dunno what it was referring to, as far as I was aware we were about as important as a piece of dog-shit." I explained, and he had this odd look in his eye but he just shrugged again and waved at me to continue.

"So anyway, they talked to this man and at the end of the two weeks, he asked me to follow him outside. At first I didn't even move, he had never spoken to me before directly, and now I was meant to go with him? I wasn't the brightest spark, but even I had alarm bells ringing. My parents had a big bag on the table, I could hear gold moving around inside it." I frowned down at my hands, it felt weird to be going into the past like that. So open and calm. How was it I had got to this point with this guy? I fought tooth and nail over my damned name in that cell, and yet there I was, spilling my past out without a care. I looked at him and frowned; how had he done this?

"Take your time, brat, I'm in no hurry. I get not wanting to talk." He sighed, sipping at his tea without so much as a glance at me. There was no force there, not a single note of demanding. I didn't trust it, but at that point I didn't really see the advantage it would bring him knowing _how_ I got my ability. It couldn't be used against me after all.

"When I didn't move, he got a bit impatient. He dragged me out to a wagon. It was all very legit as you can imagine, but I just went along with it after that. There didn't seem to be much point in fighting it."

" _You_ didn't fight?" he scoffed, and I just shrugged, this seemed to bother him as he grit his teeth.

"I wasn't always so… _opinionated,_ Levi. When I claimed to not give a shit about my parents, I meant it. Hating them for their uselessness would require me to be bothered about their existence, and I'm not. I wasn't back then either. Emotions take a lot of effort to maintain, and they weren't worth it. They didn't see me as worth it, so why fight it? I knew this guy had paid them for whatever was about to happen, so there wasn't much I could do."

"Please don't tell me he—"

"He didn't fuck me, no." I sighed, turning to him with a smirk. He paled a little then. "Why would I be telling you about the time mummy and daddy used me as a child prostitute? What does that have to do with me being a Titan?" I laughed at him, and he just swallowed some more tea.

"Get on with it then, damn brat."

"When went into the forest, like… a few miles in. Then he stopped and looked all pale and weird. All he said was 'I hope this works out all right, you better prove better than your damned parents…' to which I just kind of laughed. He didn't seem amused. Then he jabbed me with a syringe and I woke up however much later in the clearing."

"That's it?" he said with a grimace, and I kind of felt like laughing in his face. What had he expected some big ceremony, some call to grace by the lords on high? I was a small little shit stain in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I ended up being made into… whatever the hell I am. No glamour, no precession.

"That's it. When I woke up my head was pounding, and the wagon was trashed. The guy was gone, but he left a shoe behind weirdly… I don't really know what happened to him, but from that point on, whatever the fuck was in that syringe? It made me into a shifter. Unless I always was one and that stuff triggered it… I dunno…"

"Did you go home?" he asks, staring into this teacup. At that point I did laugh, I looked up into the canopy, wondering if he had imagined me living wild since I was a kid. Presumably he suspected me of lying about my time in the wild, thinking I had been here longer than a decade. But no. I hadn't.

"I was a kid, I had nowhere else to go. When I got back I found them counting their gold. I still don't know how long I was out there in the woods for, might have been days. Over the next few years I found it way harder to control my temper, and a couple times I ended up totally losing it, I'd end up boiling water by holding a cup… it… it was weird. It was real messy for a lot of years… then ten years ago I hit the road." I summarised with a shrug and he frowned, I smiled at him a little, trying to elevate that look. But he just continued to frown. I rolled my eyes. "What is it now? I'm not holding anything back, seriously."

"Why did you run?" he asked, and he shifted himself to make me look at him. The way his eyes seemed to soften made me want to recoil and run for the fucking hills. Why did he care? He saw my hesitation and rolled his eyes this time. It seemed neither of us had much patience for the other anymore. "Simple enough question, brat."

"I know it is… I just… why do you care?"

"Because I do, does there have to be a reason behind everything?"

"Generally speaking… kinda." I replied, and he gritted his teeth. I knew that look. It was like… I swallowed hard as I considered the possibility he really cared about me. And once again I wanted to mount that damn elephant in the room and ride for the horizon. Humans were too damned messy!

"I want to understand, Alexia. That's all." He sighed, scraping his hair back. And in truth I wondered what he meant by that and all. Understand me? Or understand why he wanted to know? I snort at myself again as I think about my answer, he really made this old brain think didn't he?

"I ran because… well the final straw was when they were trying to sell me off again, and I was sick of being their damn Christmas bonus. This time it was for marriage or something, I dunno, something to do with 'the family' again. But I was done. So I ran, and I kept running till I hit the wall, and then I ran past that as well. Never looked back. Instead I was dragged back." I lay back with a sigh and he nodded, putting the cup down and leaning back against the tree. "We should head back soon."

"Why?"

"Because fuck knows what kind of shit hit the fan after we were left out here." I said, and looked up with a frown at his response. Since when did he want to be out here? But I flinch as I find him to be once again staring. Only then it was in a weird way, his silver eyes seemed distant. What was he seeing? What was he thinking? Usually I found men very easy to read, and yet he was a bloody enigma. Why did I fuck an enigma? I groaned and got up, shaking my head, trying to dispel that moment from my mind. For all I knew that had been nothing but a ploy, a hot ploy that still made my tingle all over when I thought about it. But a ploy nonetheless. It didn't seem likely though, and in fact a small part of me really did trust Levi. But I couldn't help but be cautious, it was built in to me over the years, to deny it would be to deny my nature. And fuck that. My cards were being laid out on the table, and I wasn't about to be blindsided by a man who knew how to use his dick.

"All right, let's get some supplies together." He finally said, and I sighed clearly he was going to have his own little mind circus over it. And so he did.

And here we are, riding towards the walls. Towards 'home'. I wonder what will befall us once those walls pass over and seal us inside. Will I suddenly become a prisoner again? Will this sudden confession of mutual affection become wholly onesided and shown as nothing but a manipulative plot to keep me in check? I grip the reins tighter. No. The man who kicked the shit out of me in those cells was the same one here, and he was good at trying to fool me, but I always saw through it. I had to trust in that. He wouldn't use something like that to manipulate, he was as emotionally capable as a retarded duck. He couldn't manipulate with it.

"When you're done processing my story, can you go back to normal Levi?" I ask with a sigh, and he looks at me again, only now looking very annoyed.

"I have the right to find this a lot to take it, brat. So shut it."

"And I'm allowed to find that fucking annoying. It's not that big of a dea—"

"Not a big deal? Really?" he snaps, looking genuinely angry now. I flinch back a little from it, but he stays that way. "You realise that means that perhaps anyone could end up like you? That anyone could turn into one of those things?"

I have to admit.

That one hurt.

I swallow and turn to face ahead, denying myself the fact my eyes just go warmer. No. Fuck that shit. I am not giving him the satisfaction. Of course the second he's said it he groans, knowing what he's done. But I'm not about to turn, flutter my damn eyelashes and tell him it's all right. No way in hell.

"Senefold…"

I ignore him.

"Alexia please…" he sighs and I look at him, face blank and I think that hits him pretty hard. "I didn't mean—"

"Yeah you did." I shrug, "Titans are the enemy, I can shift into one, it makes me a grey area. However I would just like to clarify that there is a distinct difference between me, and one of those bulgy fuckers." I nod behind him and click some blades into place, he frowns at me and turns shoulders tensing. In the distance clouds of dust are being picked up by something big, and it's on the way towards us.

"Yeah there's a difference all right. Fucking hell Senefold!"

"What? We were talking, I wasn't keen on letting them interrupt."

We're still a decent way from the wall when it starts to rumble under our feet. Or rather the horses. The tell-tale shudder of the ground, and stilling of the world around us. Titans. But how many was it? I shudder and he looks round.

"Where are they coming from? Anywhere else?"

"I don't know, I'm not a damn Titan homing signal." I groan, looking round and shivering as I see the dust fly up from the west as well as ahead of us now. I point and he nods, pressing on harder than before. I frown but follow suit, my head automatically following his unsaid order of 'get a move on'. "We can take them Levi. There's no need to duck and run."

"I don't want to risk combat with you still healing."

"I can still fight, I'm not made of glass!"

"I know you're not, but I ain't made of bandages, and patience!" he yells and I'm about to yell back when he growls at me, horse taking over mine as he looks back with fire in his grey eyes. "I want to protect you, fucking deal with it!"

I'm struck dumb, before I grit my teeth and press my horse faster.

"Well that's a cute dream and all, but in case you hadn't noticed Levi, this world is fucking cruel. Nothing much we can do about it. So don't go all hero on my ass now. We can outrun them only for so long."

"Yeah, yeah, just keep moving."

Eventually we have to accept the fact combat is inevitable. I had already done so, but it seems the Captain felt like being slow on the uptake. Men could be so stupid sometimes, or no, actually it was humans in general, never mind the genitalia. In the end we have two abnormal Titans running at us, one from ahead, and the other form the west. There's a few ordinary bastards thrown into the mix as well. Or was it only two? They were so far away. This was so typical, but I don't have time to roll my eyes. We needed a damn plan. In all honesty, we probably needed a damn miracle.

As the battle begins I draw my blades, and the Captain does the same. Yes, it was four in total. Not bad, but not great. I was able to travel in my condition, but I knew I couldn't keep up fighting for long. I was still damned exhausted from my injuries, and despite being annoyed about it, I couldn't do much about it either. This would have to be quick or else I'd be spent and flapping about in one of their jaws in no time.

"What's the plan Captain?" I ask, gritting my teeth as the thundering makes my head spin. Panicking was not going to help, but it seemed like my body wasn't bothered about that fact. But he doesn't respond in time and I have to jump into action, if he was even going to suggest that I stay out of this, he could shove that right back where it came from. I was a fighter god dammit.

The first normal ten metre beast swings in and I jump, landing on its wrist and running up the arm. I hear my Captain yelling but I just assume he's keeping watch for another Titan. Little did I know he'd decided to try on some hero shoes after all. And they didn't fucking fit. He cuts the nape before I make it there, so I fall into a sort of jump and roll across the ground to dodge the falling Titan which he is riding down. What a damned prince, eh? He looks smug. The look quickly fades when I throw a lump of mud at him.

"I had that!" I yell at him. He dodged the dirt but still looks horrified at the fact I threw it.

"You were being reckless, _again_ brat. You're still healing, let me deal with the bastards. And I swear if you throw more mud at me—"

"You're getting old dearie, you need some help."

"Don't push your luck woman."

I just roll my eyes and whistle for the horses. But as the thundering of their hooves approaches, another kind of thunder also gets closer. Oh yeah. We turn, we look, but when faced with two twelve metre abberrants and a ten metre Titan, no one really knows what to say, except for…

"Shit."

"Fuck."

"Fucking shit."

I turn to him and he looks around, his quick mind whirring away as he tries to decide what's best. I'm about to suggest I shift when he clamps a hand over my mouth and shakes his head. I nod and retract the idea from the table. Clearly not an option. I could shift yes, but I wouldn't be fit for fighting. Plus I had the feeling my shifting ability might be needed inside the walls. There was a lot of ground between us and the city where they'd have taken Eren once returned from the mission. I had the feeling I would need those long ass legs to get us there in time to help. So for now, I'd have to remain a short-stack.

"You take the aberrant from that side, I'll take out these two. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's more like it." He almost smirks as he fires off to deal with them. I wait till the aberrant is a little closer before making my move. And it's not something I can easily downplay; I was a fucking boss. Like a bird I soar into the sky, flipping past its lunging limbs and gnashing teeth, firing the remainder of my right blade into its eye to distract it, before reloading from my stash and slamming down against its nape. Steam floods all around me in victory. Take that you lump of meat. It was glorious. And a kill I felt with my own hands, it really did add a sense of occasion. But the moment is soon over as I hear a strangled grunt. I turn and swallow hard, feeling the need to try on my own pair of hero boots.

"Levi!" I yell, right before the Titan beneath me slams into the dirt.

His horse had been startled, messing with his landing after getting rid of the aberrant, and now the ten metre was looming over him hungrily. He tries to get the horse to move, but it's spooked. The ten metre lunges, misses because of his gear skill, but as Levi climbs to the nape, the horse is crushed in the clawing hands. The jostling messes once again with the landing, and Levi grimaces as his foot goes at an awkward ankle. Anyone else would be floored and screaming their head off, I'm fairly sure I heard the 'pop' from over here.

I ride over on my own horse whilst the Titan is of course floored by the relentless man. He had killed it obviously, but I didn't like the sound of that ankle. He rides the corpse down, stumbling a little as he grits his teeth.

"F-fucking shit." He growls, glaring down at the offending joint. It was like watching a cat grumble at a wounded paw. I trot over and pull my horse just short of where he stands looking incredibly angry. Whether it's at himself, the Titan, or even the horse, I'm not entirely certain.

"Come on, get on, we need to get to the wall before any others turn up." I offer him a hand and he begrudgingly takes it, hissing a little as he sits behind me and grips my waist. "I'll try and ride easy—"

"Just fucking drive this thing." He snaps and I push the horse as fast as it can go. Initially it's to punish his childish behaviour, but then it becomes more a case of just wanting to get inside those walls. Wanting to get him safe. And that in itself turns my stomach. I _wanted_ to be inside the walls, and I _wanted_ to keep him safe. This was already too messy for my liking, and that was without me having seen the blood seeping out the bottom of his boot. But I do notice it and I grit my teeth. No point in mentioning it, he'd only get pissy with me.

"Where do you think they'll have taken Eren?" I call back to him and he grimaces, "Come on Captain, you know that kid's in for it considering how that mission went down! That's our priority here!"

"I know all right? They'll have taken him to Stohess for retrial, possibly just to condemn him straight away."

"I can't let them do that. I said I'd protect him!"

"You and your damn promises." He snaps and I elbow him in the ribs, "The fuck was that for?"

"You're glad to have someone so tied to their word, fucking admit it."

"Whatever, brat. Let's just get inside the wall and see what we can learn."

As the gate comes into view, the Garrison soldiers recognise Levi and allow us passage. It felt very weird to be welcomed inside, to be going in voluntarily, to not be dragged in, or going over the top. This was plain weird. It doesn't take long to learn that he had been right, the regiment almost in its entirety had headed for Stohess district. It was two days ride away, or a few hours on the back of a very tall and light footed Titan.

"What do you mean you can alter the shape of your Titan?" he snorts as he saddles a new horse for himself, his foot being bandaged well by a nurse after I practically nailed him to the damn seat to let her work. Idiot of a man was almost as bad a patient as I am. "That sounds impossible."

"Yes because the impossible has been so out of reach lately." I laugh, and he nods, seeing no way of arguing round that fact. "I can make myself light and agile, and we'd get there in a matter of hours. Perhaps in time to actually help them? Come on Levi, you're intrigued. I know you are." I say with a waggle of my eyebrows. He looks at me with that same stoic look, and I sigh, but as I turn away I see the slightest smirk. I've won.

We ride out of town a little, into the wilds beyond, where no one will be able to do anything even if they did notice my transformation. We dismount and set the horses free, sending them back home with confused little whinneys leaving them. He doesn't look happy about the situation, but then again he never really looked happy anyway.

"You sure you can do this?" he says looking me up and down, either doubting my ability, or my recovery. I don't bother asking which. I bite my lip and raise my brows. He glares.

"Oh no I can't! Quick, run after the horses Levi, we better ride them instead… oh wait… we already set them loose." I scoff, "Give me some damn credit. Now stand back, don't want to fuck up your leg any more if I can avoid it."

"It's fine."

"Shut up." I sigh and I walk away, but I hear a grunt and I turn with a frown, "What're you..?" he tugs me over and kisses me, I stumble a little, but just fall against his chest in my clumsiness. Once again he has caught my by surprise, but once again my body goes ahead and betrays my resolve to resist. My arms go round his neck and I respond to every caress of his lips. God dammit body, I am a fricking independent... damn that feels good though.

"In case we get into trouble, brat. Keep in mind your damned orders."

"To survive?" I gulp a little, and he stares at me hard before nodding. I sigh and nod back, looking up with a small grin.

"What's the grin for, Senefold? I mean it."

"I promise, Levi." I say with a chuckle, and he smirks.

"Damn right you do. Now go do your thing."

I nod and head away towards the middle of the field. The grass tickles my outstretched hands, and the birds fly overhead without a care. It was a very nice cage, I had to give them that much credit at least. But it was a cage nonetheless. The wall looms up to the south, and I shiver. When would I be in those open plains again? Would I?

"Shut it Senefold, and do it." I hiss at myself, and begin to clear my mind.

I stand in the middle of a field and breathe out slowly, letting myself relax a bit with the midday breeze wafting against my neck. I crack my back, and flex my arms. It would be fun to feel the release after a few days dormant, but it was true that I was still recovering. This might not feel too great all over. But I don't let it show, I just look at him and smile. He's decidedly nervous, I can tell that from his wholly non-nervous expression. He was trying too hard to look calm. I wave and activate my ability, the whooshing air encasing me, a few flecks of fire sparking along my spine where the injury flared, but ultimately I'm fine. I sit there; one knee on the ground as I wait for the air to clear and reveal my form to him, to let him know all was well. I basically looked the same, I was just a lot lighter, with longer legs than usual. Built for speed.

"You damn beautiful brat…" I hear him sigh a second later and I pretend to not have heard it. I'm sure I wasn't meant to. He wanders over, being slower with his injury, but also staring up at me, frowning in slight disbelief. "You really did it. You all right brat? Or do I need to cut you out again?"

I just growl at him.

"All right, all right." He grumbles, and he gets onto my hand when I offer it. The image alone of him stood there in my palm, and then on my shoulder was quite amusing, though it soon passed when he fired his gear into my shoulder. I hiss at him but he just shrugs and gets himself secure. It was either that or I held him the entire time, and this way he could only moan so much whilst being flung about the place. In fact, this might prove most amusing indeed.

"Let's go Alexia." He shouts and I nod, bracing myself and beginning at a light jog, slowly building to a full pelt sprint. I could hear his quickened breathes as well, and I felt like we were both staring ahead just as intently. Both like bullets from a gun, racing towards Stohess, and the mess that was likely waiting there.

* * *

 **My personal project, has been given an additional 2 weeks time for me to work on it, THANK THE FRICKING WALLS. So yeah, updates for my other two stories, for those that are interested, are coming, but it is still all rather piling up on me so perhaps not as quick as you like. But I will be trying to get them out at the same time.**

 **I'd also like to thank you all again for following, favouriting etc. it all helps me and I just get such a thrill when I get a notification of someone else following or leaving a review, or favouriting. It just makes everything awesome. It also really helps me when I'm having a typical Fran freak out about my writing ability and start flapping about. I know my boyfriend is very thankful for your reviews as he can just bring them up and shove them under my face. :D so thank you, sincerely, thanks!**

 **And now for some shoutouts :D**

 **Freyja: Glad the steaminess pleased you, after all it was a long time coming (pun intended haha!)**

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 **Grace xxx: I am so glad to have made you so happy, and I make no comment on the sailing or sinking of the ship, I am a mean author I know but you shall just have to wait and see!**

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	15. Chapter 15

**HELLO! New installment of Chained Wings for you all, thank again for the support and patience. THE DEADLINE HAS BEEN MET! And I am free *flails onto desk* has never felt so good to sit and write this without any guilt! I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Aot.**

 **Warning: Manga info will be throughout from now on, laced into bits here and there so ye have been warned. Here there be potential spoilers!**

 **Trigger Warning: as usual with this fic things get rather dark, rather graphic, the usual. :D Enjoy?**

* * *

I won't deny the fact that whilst it felt amazing to be running free again, in my Titan form just stretching out my legs, it was a little weird as well. Running along and hearing the surprised yelps pass by was a tad strange. Bells rang in the distance and I was well aware that I was probably creating mass panic throughout this region, but try as I might to not to enjoy it, I failed. It was fucking hilarious.

It felt like I'd been running for hours, and maybe I had, I wasn't sure. But the sun was definitely heading to its Western bed, the lucky fucker, as the Walls came into sight. I still failed to understand how anyone looked at those and felt good? They looked like pale tombstones leaning up against each other, making my skin crawl every time I had to look their way. Apparently my passenger didn't enjoy my little shudder as he smacked my shoulder with the flat of his blade again. I just growled in response. I was driving, and I would damn well shudder if I wanted. Backseat pain in my ass.

"Are you really going to manage climbing that?"

I just roll my eyes and keep going, he shuts up for now, but I can hear those little grunts of pain. His leg was most likely fairly mangled by now, but he could get medical attention once this was all done with. Once we knew what the hell was going on.

As the looming wall gets closer I speed up, and prepare myself for an incredibly inelegant jump. I lunge up and swoop up onto the wall, keeping crouched despite the lack of point in doing so. I was pretty sure I'd be easily noticed… but then again? There was plenty else to be looking at. I perch there, panting from the run, steam coming off my limbs from the exertion. But there's no time for rest. I'm far too wicked for that luxury. It seemed the party had started without us, and they were really going for a big blow-out spectacle. There she was, big as life and being tailed by the rage monster himself. For a second I wonder if I've slipped into some surreal dream as I watch that blonde beast run full pelt away from Jaeger, but the curt voice of my Captain brings me back into the present.

"Fucking shit-show like we thought. Get out of that Titan and let's see what we can do."

I just snort at him.

"NOT. LIKELY." I growl, burning eyes honed on that that mess of blonde hair flailing about as she runs.

She's heading here, and she's hoping to escape over this wall. It wasn't all that likely, not without me being dead and gone first. Did that _thing_ actually believe she was going to manage to escape? If she did, she was a damned idiot. But then again I didn't mind much, idiots made for easier prey in the long run. As they head this way, Eren is clearly gaining ground, the kid is as determined as ever and I feel a swell of pride to be associated with such a dedicated mind.

And then I stop myself; sentimentality didn't help anyone on the battlefield.

Unfortunately the Female Titan wasn't _actually_ a complete moron, and she turns to deal with Eren before he can lunge and catch her off guard. They have their little face off and I chuckle. It was true the Female clearly had fighting skill, I'd felt that fact first hand, but that didn't matter too much once she was exhausted. It hadn't been long since the previous attack, and whoever it was in that big ass shell, was probably still pretty burnt out. This wouldn't be nearly as much of a task as the first attack. Go ahead Jaeger, wear her down so I can fucking finish her off. That thing had a high bill to pay her dues on; I don't care why she did it, nothing justifies all that death. Nothing justifies the destruction of so many lives.

"Can you realistically fight like this, Senefold?" he slaps my shoulder again. "Looks like Jaeger has this."

But we both know Eren has that rather bad habit of just stumbling forth without much poise. His rage ruled him, and that was where the Bitch got her advantage point. Eren was determined, and brilliant at what he did, but his enemy was well trained and detached. It was the only thing we actually knew for certain.

In my current form, being built for speed and light travel, I couldn't do much of a battle with her normally. Not to mention the fact I'd been running full pelt for hours. But if Eren managed to wear her down, get her tired out, I could give a few finishing blows, crystal ability letting me slice into that exposed pink muscle like tissue paper. Then we would have some justice, and then we would have some damn respect from the rest of Humanity.

Again I stop myself, why the hell did I care what they thought of the Scouts again?

Dammit Alexia, kindly get a grip on yourself, or so help me I will slap you into next week.

This blonde thing was detached, cold and ruthless, it was a sharpened edge I would usually be able to match up to. Right now I feel like a damn butter knife. I take a long breath and focus, never mind what it meant for the damn regiment, but try as I might I couldn't forget that need for justice.

Dammit this was messy.

I couldn't, and wouldn't risk taking the time to retransform into a more battle ready Titan. After all, I wasn't even sure how long this one would hold up so soon after my rather overtly dramatic injury fest. But I could at least attempt helping like this.

I had to do something: Oluo, Gunther, Eld and Petra.

I had a long list of dues myself.

God dammit Petra, I'm so sorry.

"Senefold! Don't fucking ignore me, what is it you plan to do?"

"KILL. BITCH." I rumble and I hear the sigh, and can basically feel the momentum behind his eye roll. Yeah it was a simplistic plan, and yes I had failed to do it before. But come on, let a girl dream?

I can't help but chuckle as Eren flings the bitch into a building. It seemed that he was rather forgetting those buildings might be handy to the inhabitant of the city. Damn idiot would have the place levelled sooner rather than later. But still, he might as well go balls deep, this was their last chance really. If he was taken to the Capital, then he was as good as dead. If they could capture the Female Titan and have something to show for that disastrous mission, then they might be able to save him.

Perhaps that was why Erwin hadn't sent men after Levi when he came back for me?

Perhaps Golden Boy knew he would need me for this battle, and was willing to gamble his best soldier in order to save Humanities last hope?

As for myself, now that I was back within the walls, and back within clawing jurisdiction, he probably didn't care after this battle was done. He just wanted his fight won. Any way possible.

I realise now that any MP's worth a damn, who had managed to look up at the wall and not swoon from confusion, would know what I was. Fair enough they didn't know _who_ the hell I was yet, but that was only a matter of time. And then that would be nice and neat for the Eyebrowed one. MP's drag my ass back to jail and he doesn't need to worry about me anymore.

Nice and neat.

My previous suspicions on whether or not this was all a ploy to get me back under wraps crops up again. I glance to Levi as he zips down onto the wall off my shoulder. Could this have been a ploy? Was he that good an actor? Was anyone capable of such loyalty to a commanding officer? Whichever way I sliced it, it wasn't looking good for me. Either I'd had myself won over by a man's dick and deft use of his lips, or I'd played right into the hands of a walking blonde Caterpillar Farm, who only needed me for one last push.

Either way it would seem that I, Alexia Senefold, was completely and entirely fucked.

What a day to be alive.

I push these thoughts away as I see Eren get thrown down by the Female and have his head smashed in. Well that good run was a little short lived. They'd been going at it a while though, she's running slower and moving with less precision. And she's isn't being as careful, stupid cow hasn't even looked up to see that I'm sat here waiting at the top of the wall. On and on she runs, getting closer by the second. I look back to where Eren sits steaming away, that kid was either out for the count, or about to make one hell of a raging comeback.

Knowing him, I reckoned the latter.

I don't need to act until the bitch is by the wall, no point in using more energy than I have to spare. And from here I could still scarper if I have to. No MP's have appeared on the wall with chains yet, but then again they were probably a little preoccupied changing their trousers after suddenly seeing their real enemy for the first time. Brown trousers would seriously make more sense for the MP and Garrison soldiers. Then again everybody shat themselves when they died so it kinda made sense for the Scouts as well. I'd have to file a memo.

"Nothing fancy, Alexia. Just take her out. Keep it brief." Levi orders from his new position and I nod, fully aware I needed to behave myself if I did enter this fight. Which I wasn't so much torn about as I was the idea of being in a damn cell again. I wanted to punish this murdering wench, I wanted to make her pay for every single drop of blood she had spilt. But at the same time, the jangle of chains makes me shudder. Once in this fight, I was at the mercy of the system again. But I just sigh, steam escaping my mouth.

I've become too much of a sentimental marshmallow to back out now.

I know I'll do it.

My humanity was far too returned to not give into the need for vengeance. God dammit Petra, you fucking pain with your big beautiful eyes, and irritatingly strong morals. Fucking hell this was a mess, but there it was, and I couldn't deny it. The choices I had made had led to here. Not much to do but go with the flow.

"Holy shit…" Levi says and I do a double take myself.

Jaeger went with the raging comeback option.

The damn idiot looks like a smouldering lump of coal as he bounds after her, limbs only partly intact. He looks like a demon, and she looks fucking terrified. Laughter rumbles in my chest as I grip the wall, readying to enter the fray. This was one hell of a showdown to watch, and I reckoned it would be even better to be involved.

Yeah you better look scared love, I know I would.

Eren's roar is feral and beyond enraged. It's gloriously demented.

"TIME TO DIE."

"You better be talking about her." He snaps before he heads away, zipping off on his gear to where I can see a group of MP's and Scouts have gathered. Presumably he was going to fill Eyebrows in on what had happened, on my condition, and hopefully plead my case to the MP's. It was either that or he was heading down there for a fist bump and cigar, waiting to throw the chains over me once again.

God dammit woman, shut up.

I was alone now, left to my decision. However I'm a little preoccupied by the enthralling spectacle of Eren barrelling down and throwing that blonde bitch into the dirt. It was amazing. He clawed at her face and he bit at her flesh, flames writhed off him and he was forever growling. That kid had definitely lost it. But he was clearly going to burn out, and that moment came a lot sooner that I thought. She strikes him back and lunges for the wall. I stand up and take one last glance to the plains beyond before I turn to my enemy once more.

Show time.

I look down at her as she starts to climb with those crystallised fingers. Slowly the realisation hits, and she notices the fact she's being watched. Cooey, I'm home honey! Her mashed up face gapes up at me in sudden understanding, blue eyes wide and gaping mouth wobbling with an unvoiced scream.

I wave.

Without hesitation I step off the wall, hardening my feet and landing on her shoulders. I ride her sorry ass into the ground where we land with a terrific crunching noise and a billowing plume of dirt.

Eren lays there next to us, steaming and growling as he fails to move at all. Good job kid, but don't go killing yourself for the likes of her. You had too much left to do in this world.

As the blonde writhes about pathetically, I snarl down at her whilst the dust clears and she gives this weird little whimpering mewl.

Is she expecting sympathy?

Did she wish for mercy to spring forth as we share in our plight of being 'different'? Sorry love but I didn't come here to attend a big Titan tit hippy convention. I'm not here to braid that yellow hair of yours, I'd much rather rip it out and shove it down your throat.

I came here for vengeance.

I have her, and I kick a hole right through her stomach, my feet still hardened boulders of purse crystal. It's oddly satisfying to watch her blood steam off the cobbles a good few dozen metres away. She shrieks in a strangled manner but I want more. I need more. I claw at her arms and rip them clean off, shrieking up into the sky as I think of my Squad, as I consider what she had stolen from this world. She wiggles and stumbles up to run off, but that's fine, I want her away from the wall. She had caused enough damage today.

I stalk after her, strides long and heavy as I growl. I reach out, grab her hair and fling her to the ground. My teeth become sharpened by the blackened crystal and I go for her throat, pinning her in place with my knees.

I'm nearly there.

I almost have her.

And then there it goes.

Fucking typical.

She starts convulsing, and I feel my energy further drained as our Titans begin to merge.

Shit.

I shriek at the alien sensation, it hurts like hell. I feel like my bones are breaking over and over again, splintering and reforming just as quickly. There's yelling all around us, chaos taking back the day as soldiers try and figure out what they're meant to do. If they could just shut up, that'd be bloody marvellous! I have to get away from this, I roar as I break away, growling as the pain echoes in my body. But I can't waste time, I desperately rip at her flesh till finally she's exposed. She lays there all innocent looking, a young girl with ice blonde hair and a sleeping face. The face of a mass-murdered; who'd have thought. But that isn't the weirdest part, the bit that makes me freeze and block everything else out, is the streams of tears running down her damn rosy cheeks. The hell was this about?

Not that I'd get my answer.

The world wasn't that kind.

A blinding light flashes out of her, and crystal blossoms up and out of her. With the searing heat it's suffocating me, and soon the blue crystal is choking me as it encases my shell. All the while it shrouds her in safety.

Shit. She's gonna kill me this time.

Then there's a silver flash to our right. I knew that idiot of a captain would get involved, even with his injury. Some people never learn. I now know I _have_ to get myself out of this, or I really would end up getting him killed. And that wasn't a debt I'd be able to pay off for a long time. If ever.

I scream as I rip myself out of my Titan form just in time to avoid the crystal cage, and tumble down into the dirt below. I swear I hit every possibly scraggled bit of the crystal on the way down. That could have been a lot more elegant, and a lot less painful. I lay there, watching the steam billow on the evening breeze as I try and catch my breath. My Titan is fading away, and I look over to see the crystal fully encase that blonde witch. I lay my head back with a groan. Still no god damned justice.

Zipping sounds all around me and I look with bleared eyes as a wave of exhaustion slams into me. Was it Levi? Oh hell no it wasn't. Shackles jangle in my ears and I shiver, biting my lip to avoid crying out like a damn coward as I feel the familiar sting of chains.

This wasn't happening.

I'm wrenched to my feet and made to face a cruel looking man with shaggy hair, and a messy beard. As he grips my throat and starts mouthing off with a distinct smell of liquor on his breath, I'm not surprised to see he's wearing an MP uniform.

God damned Unicorns.

I smirk and accept the fact it was beginning all over again.

"So you're the little bitch they had hidden away?" he sneers, and I raise a brow, glancing at my fading Titan form and then back at him, squinting.

"Little? Asshole, you seen the size I can be?"

"Less sass might be a good idea."

"Oh but it's less fun, and I can see from that sadistic look in your drunken eyes, that I'm not getting out of this. So why not… enjoy it." I cough as I'm kicked in the gut but stay standing, he hit hard but nowhere near as hard as the Captain.

Levi, had you really set me up?

If not why weren't you here right now demanding this weird looking humanoid rat unhand me? Or at least throw a snarky comment into this ridiculous scene. Then again I might be placing too much emphasis on the fact he actually cared. Just because he had fucked me, and claimed to be 'invested' it didn't make it true. Actions usually spoke a decent bit louder than words.

And right now it seemed I was lost to silence.

I hear yelling across the way, but when I look up I just see that Jean kid slamming his gear blades against that crystal. Shockingly enough it does no good. But no one's looking this way, no one's bothered that the wild woman's back in chains.

"Levi did well to get you back to us."

Fuck off, not you don't.

Please don't do this to me world.

"Erwin sounded unsure that he'd manage it." He snarls, and I just stare at the ground, heart pounding in my ears as he kicks me again, and one of his men does the same in the small of my back.

I crumple onto the ground, breathing as best I can as I fight the temptation to believe them that easily. Nah, it didn't fit. This was a weak plan to break me, it was a stupid ploy cooked up by some soused Unicorns. That was all. They wanted me heartbroken, complacent, and willing to give into their demands. To be perfectly honest they were being a bit thick, it wasn't like I could do much right now anyway, so why bother breaking me? I grit my teeth against the idea they were speaking the truth, these guys never did that. No, they were lying, and even if the shackles were on, and I didn't have the energy to shift again, they were sick gits who wanted to make me suffer. I was stuck, no need to rub the salt in, but they'd do it anyway.

I close my eyes and let them drag me towards a wagon.

I hear Levi's voice, and he sounds angry. I glance over my shoulder and see him yelling at Erwin, he's waving his arms and seems to be yelling his head off. Perhaps he was fighting for me. But then Erwin shakes his head, shrugs and gestures towards me. Levi's voice dies away, he sighs heavily, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He nods with a shrug and walks away. There isn't a single glance back. Not one. I softly begin to laugh and as the Unicorns throw me into the wagon, one nudges me hard on the back of my head with his boot. I roll over and smile.

"What're you finding so funny bitch?" he demands.

"Good luck getting any info out of me, I got nothing to lose."

* * *

The green canopy whirls past me, the big ass trees are my playground and I cheer as the air swirls around. This was my freedom, this was my home. My heart pounds in my ears as I swoop down, watching a seventeen meter Titan dawdle through the undergrowth. It lazily steps here, then lazily steps over there. It pays me no heed and I do the same to it. It exists, I exist. Simple. The world had enough conflict in it, so I saw no reason to pick a damn fight.

My base comes into view, my little haven and I grin, using a little extra gas to get there quicker. I can see him even from back here, and it still thrills me to know he's there waiting. He sits there brewing tea, breakfast ready and waiting. It was going on ten years we'd been here, and long may it continue. I aim and shoot the wire once again, getting ready for a fresh swing of momentum towards home. He turns at the sound, and gives a casual wave as the kettle gives a small whine. I give another whoop and another extra use of gas. I was like a bird, I was free.

But I was free and whole.

Maybe we could take that trip soon, have me shift and him keep track of the supplies. I was go glad we'd stolen that map from HQ, Erwin would be pissed when he realised. But it was our right, fighting for so long and losing so much. This was our time. Me and him.

Me and my Captain.

I wonder if we'd make it to the ocean in one go, or would it take a few weeks? I flip round, and sigh as the cold wind whips past me. We had strong wings, and even stronger possibilities. Yes, we would go together, and we would go soon. A smile spreads over my face as I sink below the canopy again, green flickering past my slightly ajar eyelids.

Bliss.

"Wake up."

Pain engulfs my mind. The trees and freedom; it's stripped away. I look up and see it all on fire, and the figure of my Captain stands there laughing amongst the flames. I'm falling, the canopy getting further and further away, blocked out by consuming smoke as I descend towards the unforgiving earth. It's all gone; my freedom, my wings, my possibilities. It's all smothered into darkness, and I feel blood spill down my chin.

Don't you know what you've done to me?

You must know.

I'm dragged back to reality, and know the stoic face of this cell's cold stone floor well. It was much like any other, only this one had a lot more of my blood over it. Droplets of my blood had turned into puddles, and they in turn had become pools. I'm running on fumes as I sit here against the cold mossy wall, hanging limply from rusted shackles like a stale cut of meat in a butchers shop. The cuffs bite into my raised wrists but I can't do anything but try to ignore the pain, it was a few days since they'd broken my legs for the third time and I'd given up on healing them. I withheld that power, in order to keep the rest of me going.

It wasn't like I needed them, after all, it wasn't like I was going anywhere.

"You awake yet?" the voice barks again.

"Well I ain't napping, and I ain't dead. So yeah… let's go ahead and call this 'awake'." I croak back and see a pair of shiny boots come into view, they make the blood ripple and the warped reflection isn't one I recognise. Not that it surprised me. I hadn't known a single face in the past four torture sessions. I don't know how long it's been since I was taken in, and frankly I'm starting to not care already. I know it had been a few days since the leg breaking, they'd left me alone when the bones didn't pop back and I'd started counting.

Unless I'd gotten lost after 345,895 seconds, I was sure it had been at least three days.

"Such a damn smart ass."

"Yup, that's me you damn fuckwit, and what do I call you? Other than fuckwit." I snort and brace as my ribs get a little smooch from the tip of his oh-so-well polished boots.

Felt like genuine leather.

"So you gonna tell us what we want to know?" he grumbles, and I sigh.

"What was that again? It's slipped my mind."

"What are Erwin's plans you damn beast?"

"Oh yes, that little golden nugget of a question…" I spit the blood that had pooled into my mouth, they 'tsk' at me and I smirk at the how much the sound suited no one but _him_. "I guess I'll just have to say it _yet_ again, though really, could I get some parchment to write it down on?" I clear my throat, "I. Do not. Know. What. The flying fuck. You. Are. Talking about!"

"We ain't buying that shit today, any better than we did before." He snarls and I lay my head back against the stone wall.

"For the love of a wallist's nucksack! Me and Golden Boy ain't exactly what you'd call _friendly._ He didn't tell me shit. Doesn't tell anyone anything, keeps his sexy ambiguity going y'know?" I cough and then feel the familiar blade pressed to my chest. It's cold, its sharp, it's becoming an old friend with these frequent and lingering visits. "No matter how much blood you paste onto those walls or this floor, doesn't change the fact I don't fucking know."

"Yeah but it's still fun."

"Ah… forgot that bit." And on he goes, slicing into me and tearing those noised out my mouth. I hate them. I hate that I give the sadist the satisfaction. But avoiding those noises takes effort, and it's something I can't give right now. So on and on they go, pouring out of me in strangled cries, warbled shrieks and frustrated hisses.

It was frankly humbling to know how easy Levi had gone on me.

These guys weren't so merciful.

They knew I'd heal, so they had their fun.

They'd burned me with flames, and branded me with hot irons. They lashed me with leathered whips, and flayed me with rusted sickles. They tried poisons on me, and let their scientists see how I was built. On and on they go, chipping away a little more of my resolve with each slice, hacking off a bit more of my soul with each searing touch. How far could I break? How far back did they have to strip my body to understand they were doing this to a human being, and not an animal as they thought I was?

I see through constantly flickering vision, dark at the edges as I withhold my healing for all my worth. I hoped that a lack of healing might stay their hand. The bones had stopped them for those few days, and at least the peaceful solitude had been some kind of reprieve. But now? Even with shreds of flesh hanging from my chest, he keeps going. It didn't seem like he would ever stop.

The beast was in me, and I felt it's rage, I felt its hate, and yet my humanity held it back. Why? Why can't I just go back to that woman who didn't care, who didn't miss the company of a few suicidal bastards? It was a dark pit I lay in, and it would take a fucking miracle to ever climb back out of it. If I could.

"Ask her a new question at least you cretinously awful waste of space." Drawls a voice from beyond the cell bars.

Well that can't be good.

I look up to see a face I did know, but wish I didn't. I'd never spoken to her, but I knew that face better than my own. Hour after hour spent pouring over old sheets and break downs of The Family Tree. Her portrait was one I had scrawled over many times, giving her a very sporting moustache, or making those eyebrows a rather snazzy monobrow. It only seemed fitting she was doing _this_ to me now, that was how Karma worked right?

"Yes m'lady." The man backs away slightly, bowing like an idiot.

"Less ass licking, more questioning. Get on with it." She barks with an eye roll. At least she had a bit of class to her I guess. The knife is thankfully withdrawn from my flesh.

"Where are your parents?" he asks and I laugh.

I laugh long and hard. I keep going until I suddenly feel something slap across my face. I hadn't heard her enter the cell, but there she is, holding her leather glove out to the man so he could now clean it free of my blood and sweat. Her brown eyes are almost black as they stare into me, her chocolate locks tied back into a prudish bun, and a sour look on her red painted lips. She wore an elaborate gown that screamed the Capital in all the best ways. It also made her tits look spectacular.

"Answer the man. Now."

"I only laugh because you seriously think I know?" I snicker again, and she raises a brow.

"Yes. I do." She speaks coldly, and I feel like those white teeth wouldn't mind biting my head clean off. I sigh and meet her gaze, she doesn't falter back like the guards did, and really I'm quite glad. It had been a while since someone had given me a decent challenge. Since _him_ actually. I grin and I see the slightest of smirks pull at those lips of hers.

"If they weren't killed in Shiganshina, then look for the nearest pub to where the boats sailed to. That's where they'll be, or…" I cough, "Failing that, they'll have been long since dead in an alley. If you lot lost track of them, they'll have had no money for their habit."

"You truly think they're dead?" she asks, seemingly forgetting about the guard who was just watching now. I meet her eyes and sigh.

"Yes. In all likeliness. Why the hell do you even care?"

" _I_ don't. The family does."

"The fuck does that even mean?" I groan and lay my head against the stone, she looks confused when I look at her. Slowly a cruel smirk pulls over her face and I shudder, that was exactly how my mother had done it. It makes my stomach turn. "All my life I've had that thrown in my face. The family this, the family that. What _is_ the family?"

"Even with all your studying you never knew? You don't know who you are?"

"Not what I said at all sweet-cheeks." I croak and she takes a step back, tilting her head, I snort. "My family never gave a shit about me, I know who I am without a damn bloodline."

"And yet you seem so eager to know?" she purrs and I roll my eyes at her.

"Because it's annoying, not because I'm some sad-sack crying over a lack of identity. If I have any more identifying characteristics I'd have yet another personality to fucking deal with."

"I knew you'd be the interesting one."

"Good to know, now either tell me, or ask another question. Or no, better still, let me the fuck go." I say and she chuckles. My blood turns a little cold, I won't deny it. "Why do I feel like I ain't getting the last option?"

"You belong to the Family, and now that we have you… why on this pitiful little Earth would we let you go? Captain Levi was so good to bring you back in, such a good little soldier."

"Shut up."

"Oh did I strike a nerve?" she purrs and I bare my teeth at her, she tuts. "Now, now, and he said you were such an obedient little girl out there. Took your medicine good and proper, didn't you?" she winks and I feel sick.

No.

No it wasn't fucking true.

She then smirks that damn smirk and walks away.

"Do carry on soldier, I think she needs a little more wearing down."

It isn't true.

I wasn't played, that was real god dammit. I know it was!

.

.

.

.

.

.

Wasn't it?

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, hope this is up to standard! See you next time m'dears!**

 **I would also like to take this chance to refer you to a newly begun story that is very, VERY, well done! It's another Levi x OC story, and it's by the lovely Ceeceecj called "Bad Company". I have done some Beta work with her, and I can safely say, it's a dark good read. So treat yourself! Have a gander!**

 **SHOUT OUTS!**

 **XBeccaX: So glad you enjoyed it, well I couldn't have the clean freak be okay with an almost mud mask ;) haha! I'm glad you're intrigued, I always like to have my reader's curious about characters, so that's gratifying to know! Oh and it'll all be revealed ;) don't you worry! And you're welcome, I didn't want anyone thinking this, or my other works, would become one of those fics that just stops and is NEVER concluded. I have been bitten by such a situation a few times now, and it is VERY annoying. So no, i will always keep you guys informed! Promise!**

 **Ceeceej: Sorry, i hope to be able to update regularly now, so i shall give you things to read!**

 **LynnStark: You got it girl, Levi don't mess around with no horses, Titan wench is the only way to travel.**

 **Animegodess: I'm so glad you find my stuff funny, I always hope to get some comedy in there among all the action and angstiness!**

 **Gracexxx: Thank you, and indeed the updates are coming!**

 **ali5tvd: wow thank you so much, that is high praise indeed! :D glad you're enjoying it! Plenty more to come, I promise.**

 **Lilly: You're a wee star as always my dear, and I'm sure we can use it yes.**


	16. Notage and Apologies once again Failure

**Happy Holidays to you all, I hope this festive season (as it gets closer and closer) is treating you all well. I plan to have updated all my stories by christmas as my gift to you all, but I make no promises.**

 **I won't lie, I have failed you all in upkeeping a regular update schedule and for that I can only apologise. This is down to a mixture of health issues, lack of sleep thanks to them, and procrastination. I make no excuses, I simply wanted to explain to you all.**

 **As usual I will be updating in the order of Chained Wings, Red Burning Wings and then Flight From Darkness.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has continued to follow and read, and to those that have reviewed. Means alot, really it does. As said before, I will be continuing all stories as and when I can, no one is disappearing I prrromise.**

 **Thanks again, best wishes to you all :) Francesca**


	17. Chapter 17

**Merry Christmas everyone! Unfortunately it's only this story being updated before Christmas but hey, at least I got this one done right? I hope it was worth the wait, and I remain ever thankful for your ongoing patience. To sum up, health not great and I've also had some bad news in relation to that personal project I was working on before so creatively I ain't feel so hot. Wrote this out who knows how many times, and kept on deleting it as I had zero faith in what I was doing. HOWEVER. I then read over some of the wonderful reviews I've had on here, and on my other stories and really guys, you got me through. So thank you, thank you very much.**

 **Now I'll shut up and let you get on and read.**

 **Hope you all have a great Christmas no matter how you're celebrating, and all the best for 2016 :)**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own AOT but still love writing about it.**

 **Warning: Graphic violence and dark stuff - it's this fic... what else do you expect? Enjoy my dears :D**

* * *

 **3RD PERSON POV**

"Levi there's no point to this!" yells Hanji, standing in front of Erwin's door with her arms spread out to block the riled up Levi's path. It had been three days since Annie had been captured, and Levi wasn't able to wait any longer.

As soon as the chains had been put on Alexia it had all gone to shit. No one knew what was happening, or why it was happening in the first place. Erwin wasn't the type to just allow the MP's have their way, neither him nor Pixis should have been standing for it. And yet the Scouts had to stand by and watch as Alexia was thrown into a wagon and carted off; like she was nothing more than supplies. Hanji had been tasked with getting Annie into a secure area and so she wasn't able to do much, but even if she had been able to demand answers, or plead for an explanation, she wouldn't have received them. No one had.

At first Erwin had managed to quell Levi's fury with an assurance it was all about timing, but as the days slid by with no word, nor any change to speak of, the patience of the Captain was slipping completely out of existence. Hanji had done well to keep him contained, and only had to dodge a few swipes to the face. They'd kept him busy with the transport of Annie from the city to a holding cell under the HQ. It was to keep her hidden, to avoid the MP's attempting to corral that as well, and to allow some peace of mind. It was a fair enough attempt the MP's made, arguing that Annie was in fact an MP and should be tried by them accordingly. However Levi had not agreed with that entirely.

"It's our men she slaughtered, so it's our men that'll be holding her prisoner and our men that get to punish her when she comes out. Want to argue? If you fancy living beyond this conversation, I suggest you don't." and with those grey eyes burning the way they had since he had landed from the wall, no one was going to dare push the subject. Hanji had never seen an MP give up on an argument so fast.

As soon as Levi had landed by the group after leaving Alexia to join the battle in her Titan form, he knew he had made a mistake. Both in returning to this place so eagerly, and in bringing Alexia with him. He went to Erwin to inform him of what had happened, to let him know of Alexia's injuries, her recovery and now her intent on helping them out again. But apparently it didn't matter. The Commander just watched the Titan's fight, a small simper threatening to break through his composure.

"The hell are you smiling about? Why isn't that bitch contained?" snarled Levi, looking back and shuddering at the familiar sight of the Female Titan as the battle raged on. A snort had come from Erwin, and that had been when the flames took to Levi's eyes. That was when he knew there was a heap of bullshit heading his way and there was no way of avoiding it. Erwin never made such derivative noises, it gave too much away. And yet there he was, lip curled and eyes cruel.

"Which female dog would you be referring to Captain?" he drawled and continued to watch the violence unfold before his eyes flicked down to Levi for a moment. "You did well to get her back here without much injury to yourself. You should get that leg looked at though, can't have you out of duty because of it. I'll get Hanji to—"

"The hell are you talking about?"

"You are in need of medical assistance Captain."

"You're acting like I did all this under orders, you wanted her left out there to die. What the hell is going on Erwin, this isn't like you, and I'm sick of this cold bastard who's taken your place." snapped Levi, hands flexing towards his blades, but remaining where they were. Old habits die hard, and for a lot of years he had followed this man's command without allowing himself the luxury of questioning. He had to at least hear him out.

"In exchange for getting hold of Annie Leonhart we can at least allow the MP's to exercise some kind of control in having Senefold. She can hold out a while, let them stretch their legs and have their moment in the sunshine. Then we'll get her back and our cause can continue." Clarifies Erwin with a small shrug. "I'm well aware the MP's would demand something of us, we already made fools of them when it came to Jaeger, their pride can only take so many beatings. So I'm choosing my battles and the lesser of two evils."

"You have no idea what they could do to her, they're animals."

"Were you so much kinder?" Erwin raises a brow at his Captain and Levi grits his teeth, slamming his mask back into place as he feels the unmoving resolve of the Commander bore back at him. This would do no good right now; that much was clear.

When the great light appeared they all looked, and as Levi watched the crystal form round Leonhart he felt himself grow hollow. The situation was mounting higher and higher in the hell scale. He couldn't understand it, how had it all turned to shit so damned quickly? When it came to the point that Alexia was put in chains and dragged off, Levi found his resolve shaken, he demanded Erwin reconsider.

"Don't you see how vital a weapon she is to your cause? Reconsider Erwin."

"She will be an even sharper weapon having endured the MP's cruelty." Shrugs Erwin, and Levi can see that he isn't getting anywhere. He knows he has to get out of there before he puts himself in a position that will render him useless to everyone; especially Alexia. He stormed off to help gather the wounded, and he stayed busy as long as he could, trying to burn through his frustration as he tried to think of a way out of this. For everyone.

That was where it had been left.

But now it was the third day without news or action and Levi was at his limit. He stares down Hanji and counts to ten to avoid simply ripping her arms off and being done with it. She had followed him the whole way there from the mess hall when she had to once again report no change. He'd shot up from his seat and marched over to Erwin's office, thankfully Hanji was able to keep up and throw herself between him and the door. Her glasses are sliding down her nose as she tries to make Levi see reason, but she can already see the signs it was a losing battle. Not that it was going to stop her trying.

"This isn't going to help her, or you. You just need to—"

"Need to what Shitty-Glasses? Wait till they start parading parts of her body around the damn town?"

"No but—"

"I'm done waiting on his games. I brought her back because she wanted to help, god dammit Hanji…"

He doesn't know if he should tell Hanji about Senefold's potential ties to the nobles. He doesn't know much of anything right now.

"She trusted me." He says it quietly, looking to the side as he can't stand being under the scrutiny of those big brown eyes. He had his issues with Hanji, but he knew she'd been kind to the Shifter, and right now he had a high respect for those that had. "I realise that means nothing to Erwin but…" he swallows hard, frowning as he finds himself admitting it to her. "But it means something to me."

"Levi…"

"I'm done waiting around." He says and meets her eyes once more, the fire remains but now it's calmer, and simply determined instead of raging out. Hanji moves aside with a nod. She knew he was right, and she also knew just how capable the MP's were of punishing those they felt were befitting of it. In three days a lot of pain could be dished out and endured.

"All right Levi, but don't say I didn't warn you." She pushes her glasses up and gives a very unconfident smile. He nods and looks at the door as he collects himself before raising his fist and pounding. There's a vague vocal command to enter and Levi steels his nerve. He has to try and keep a lid on it, but he doesn't have much faith that he will.

Erwin's office is as neat as ever, not a thing out of place. The Commander himself was calm too, doing paperwork and seemingly oblivious to there being anything to worry about or fret over. This did nothing to aid Levi's anger or Hanji's nerves.

"What can I do for you Captain? Squad Leader?" he finally puts down his quill and sits back in his chair, hands clasped under his chin and face a mask of composure. As always.

"What's happening with Senefold? How far have you gotten with organising her release?" asks Levi as he clasps his hands tightly behind his back to avoid the temptation of lashing out. Erwin raises a brow and then nonchalantly reaches for a file, opening it and flickering through without much interest.

"She's being held in the main MP headquarters where her ability is being studied. I'm fairly sure I already told you that, Captain. As well as the fact I would inform you of any changes to that situation. There are no changes." Erwin notices the way Levi's eyes flash, and his arms tense as he grips his hands tighter together. "So was there anything else, or can you please leave me in peace?"

"You told me it would only be temporary."

"It's been three days Levi, hardly a long endurance test for one of our resident shifters."

"One day is too damn long." Snaps Levi and Erwin just shakes his head, as though Levi were simply being hormonal.

"She can heal, and she can endure. It's basically what she was made to do." Chuckles Erwin. "I rather think you've gotten too attached Captain."

"I just don't enjoy watching my soldiers be wasted." Levi replies coldly and Hanji shivers a little at the fairly blatant referral to all the Scouts who were lost to the Female Titan mission. Erwin's eyes tighten a little, but he just gives a small nod and leans on the desk.

"She was always more of a prisoner than a soldier, Levi."

"Maybe to you." He says calmly but he still grips his hands together to the point of his knuckles turning white.

He'd lost his entire squad to Annie, ripped apart and thrown to the ground like discarded dolls. All he had left was that mad woman they'd found in those woods, that they'd made serve with them and that he'd gradually grown to care for. It was only her left and now she was probably being taken apart like a malfunctioning clock. His mind drifts back to that home in the canopy and he wishes he'd never brought her back, he wishes he'd let her stay there and set about moving herself somewhere new. Somewhere they couldn't find her. But then he returns to the room, knowing full well that would have never worked. For one thing she'd have refused not having the chance to take down the Female Titan for what she'd done. And for another he knew his own selfishness would not have allowed that, he didn't understand what the woman had done to him but he knew whatever it was, the effects would linger for a long time.

"They've had their fun, why are you dawdling on asking for her release?" asks Levi having allowed himself the time to calm down. Erwin can see the change in his Captain and he stands up, strolling over to the window of his office where he looks down at the compound. Many cadets go to and fro, a few training and a couple more cleaning their gear. Eren Jaeger stands talking with Artlet and Kirtschtein. All little cogs in the machine, only difference being they all knew how to behave and take an order.

"There is much we still need to learn about this Alexia Senefold, and frankly I trust what the MP's find a lot more than what she could ever have told us herself. She hid her true ability, and so who knows what else she was hiding. Have patience Captain, wheels are in motion." Explains Erwin and Levi just takes a long breath, Hanji watches as the ends of his fingers turn a little purple.

"What wheels, and where the fuck are they going?" he says through his teeth, Erwin closes the drapes over his window and turns with an icy stare. Hanji is holding her breath, looking round for any potential weapons that Levi could use to gut Erwin if the Commander pushed him to it. These two were as stubborn as each other, but what Erwin had to keep in mind was Levi had so qualms about being known as a raging thug. He had a reputation of ruthlessness too, but didn't need nearly as much poise as Erwin.

"You've never had a problem trusting my leadership before, Levi." Says Erwin as he returns to his seat and pulls out more paperwork to be done. Levi nods and smirks a little, eyes never leaving the disappointing figure of his Commander. Levi was on a steep learning curve of late, and it didn't seem keen on letting up anytime soon.

"And you've never been so careless in wasting a good soldier before, Erwin." He retaliates and Erwin chuckles a little, sitting back and stroking his chin as he considers the change having occurred within his Captain. It would seem Senefold had done more than ruffle some feathers, it occurred to Erwin that she might have made permanent changes. Whether they were positive or not was still to be seen.

"She's going to be back soon enough, and I'm sure she'll be just fine. I can no more rush this, than I could persuade you that it's for the best. So you'll just have to attempt trusting me one last time I suppose."

Blue bores into grey, and for a few seconds Levi seriously considers how well Erwin would manage sailing through the air after crashing through that window. But then again, without Erwin there really wouldn't be any chance of getting Alexia back, or any direction to the regiment afterwards. He was a bastard, but at least he was better than the rest. At least that was what Levi hoped was still true.

He nods and turns to leave, not bothering to wait on being dismissed or saying goodbye. He would accept it, and deal with it, but that didn't mean he liked it. Hanji just turns and follows him, a little ashamed at how little she'd been able to help.

"Levi I'm sorry… I just…"

"It's all right Hanji, he's a cold hearted bastard in need of a smack around, but he's still the Commander. I guess we'll have to just wait it out. I just hope for his sake she can wait it out as well. Find out what you can Hanji, got any contacts left in the MP's?" he asks, not pausing in his marching down the halls. Cadets stay well clear, an aura of danger radiating out from the fearsome man as he stalks along.

"A few, I'll see what they can dig up."

"Let's just hope it isn't Senefold's corpse." He mutters, gritting his teeth as regret sits upon his shoulder, waiting and readying itself to claim his heart once again.

* * *

 **ALEXIA'S POV**

Time is an old friend I have long since fallen out of touch with.

Those first three days feel like a couple lifetimes ago, and I'm sure I'm going to be grey haired by the time I see the sunlight again, either that or looking up from my coffin. Neither sounds out of the question, and neither makes me do more than a shrug by this point. Pain is my newest comrade and he's one hell of a clingy pervert; he licks all over my skin and nibbles on my nerves, he strokes my head and kisses my cheek, he slaps my resolve and pounds into my hope till finally it succumbs to crumbling beneath him. He has a hold of every part of me, and frankly I don't have the will to tell him about personal boundaries anymore. My mind, body, and wretched soul were his to claim, and claim he did every single day I was in here. However many that had been.

Today had been a test of how long I could scream for, and I think I made a new record in all honesty, the man looks genuinely impressed when my voice finally cuts out. I'm tempted to ask, but of course nothing but scratchy croaks make it past my chapped lips. He drops the cleaver in the latest puddle of my blood needing the big mop to be removed, and he starts wiping off his hands on a rag. His eyes are like that of a rats, quick and nervous as he peers at me through the gloom. I think he's wondering why I haven't shifted in all this time, but really I shouldn't expect him, or any of the others, to have the mental faculty to take into account I was running on no more than poisoned fumes. I can barely blink anymore I'm so weak. When was the last time I managed to stand and relieve the pressure cutting into my wrists as I hang here? I can't remember, my mind swirling in shadow and blood as I breathe the musky air.

Couldn't they at least shower before coming to see me?

I made the effort for them, being all grimey and covered in my own sweat and blood.

The least they could do is look at a bar of soap.

As he finishes up I hear the familiar clackity-clack of those damned high heeled shoes, and my heart stutters a little whilst I remain motionless on the surface. Things usually got worse with her around; the men wanting to impress her, and then women wanting to outdo her. But this guy had already done a damned good job, and I'd be happy to tell him that if he hadn't made my vocal chords hand in their resignation.

Click.

Clack.

Click.

Clack.

The door to the cells creaks open far off, and he turns at last as he realises who's approaching. Yup, the boss lady is coming sonny boy, better smooth back that greasy hair and hope she doesn't notice the spinach between your yellowed teeth. As the sharp noises strut closer I have to consider how badly this woman needed to think of her feet, such an odd angle couldn't be good for them. The poor dear would be crippled surely? Her dress swishes against the stone, and her lips pop as she rubs them together to ensure her lipstick is still even. I'm sure she'll look the same as always; a perfect doll sent in on silvered strings to try and get answers I didn't have.

Soon enough her smirk comes into view and I give a heartfelt wave of my middle finger, we had a love hate relationship. A couple of old birds forever taking tit for tat. Whenever she spoke there was always that fun moment I got to devise a new death scene for her. So far I'd gotten pretty creative, and had occasionally explained to her how I would do it, and whilst she suggested I write them down, she'd never supplied the parchment. But she probably has a lot on her mind, so I can forgive that oversight.

But today something is different.

Today that glint of teasing in those dark eyes is replaced with a hardness, a cold determination that makes my spine turn a little soft.

What now?

Or had the day finally come for her to hold a blade to my nape and slice it open?

I can't help the hope that rises like bile.

"Give her water." She says to the man, and he nods, letting me sip half-heartedly at the stagnant liquid that probably had algae growing on it by now. It tastes like iron as it slides down my throat and I wince as my vocal chords are soothed. "Now get out." And he does so, letting her stroll on in with a lantern in her hand.

She meanders over and sets it down on the small table where they usually kept the pointy things to stick me with. But she just pushes them aside, allowing them to clatter onto the floor, and a couple splash as well. I hope blood is as much a bastard to get out of silk as I imagine. Her dark eyes look like gemstones as the lantern flickers and she scans me over a few times, lip curling in disdain and then enjoyment.

"They have made quite a mess of you haven't they? Well as long as you can't talk, I guess I can say my piece without your idiotic responses. But I will require answers afterwards, so do try and find some remanence of that _lovely_ voice." She says, pacing slightly, damn heels snapping on the stonework like lashes of a whip. I nod and she sighs. "To think all of this could have been avoided if you'd just listened to instinct and avoided that Captain Levi… I still can't imagine what came over you. I understand Erwin can charm anyone into almost any situation, but Levi? Levi Ackerman is hardly known for his charm, rather more for his lack of it actually."

" _I'm an Idiot… I know_." I croak with an eye-roll, having been through this a thousand times already. I got it, I'd been played and found the fool. The salt was already overflowing in the wound and yet she just kept on rubbing it in. I'll admit it took a long time for my foolhardy mind to accept the fact it had been played, uncharacteristic hope had held back that reality with the notion he might really care for me. But eventually the floodgates open and I had to accept my folly.

Whenever she said his name my head would take me back there to my home, to where he'd listened to my stories and helped me heal my wounds. To where he'd really shown his finesse as a conman. And then my stomach churns as I remember his lips on mine, travelling down my throat as his hands gripped me with what I was foolish enough to think was want. But it was only control. That was all he had ever sought out to have with me; who had I been kidding thinking I could shake the resolve of a man made of stone? He was a loyal dog to his Commander, and that wasn't going to be changed by some wild woman they dragged into a cell and slapped a pair of shackles onto. Time was no longer my acquaintance as I've already pointed out, and so I can only assume that's why my damned heart still aches when I consider how easily I'd been swayed.

Humans were messy and I was the filthiest of all apparently, so pathetically starved of affection that I had actually managed to convince myself he cared for me. Perhaps even lo—I swallow hard and refuse that word like it's a maggot infested lump of bread.

The clacking goes on as she chuckles into the shadows.

"Self-awareness is a key aspect of recovery my dear, you've half won the battle already with that can-do attitude." She glances my way and once again I just nod, throat itching after my attempts at speech. I flinch back as the water is once again held to my lips and I take a careful sip, watching her carefully as this alien scenario takes place. She never helped me, she never lifted a finger except to deal out a strike against my flesh.

Why was she doing this now?

Her dark eyes watch the water slide past my lips, and occasionally drift to my throat to witness me swallow it down as best I can. A smile stretches out her red lips and a sigh escapes them moments later.

"You've shown incredible resilience in this matter my dear, I'd have thought the healing would have given in already. You did so well withholding it from your legs over those few days, I thought the MP's wouldn't get much further with you at all. And yet here you are, steaming away as always." She chuckles again and I feel the familiar sting of her stiletto blade as it rests against my nape, so cold that it feels like it's burning into my feverish skin. Apparently the mercy was a short-lived flight of fancy. I shudder and she sighs again, only now it ends in a chuckle. "You wouldn't even mind if I did it would you? If I took this blade and dug out that special little area on your neck? But if I do that… you don't get your chance at _revenge_."

The purred word makes my skin become covered in goosebumps and I immediately try my best to lean away from the touch of her blade. That was right, despite the ongoing darkness of my thoughts, the healing kept going, kept reaching for that opportunity to kill them. To take them into my hands and watch the life dribble out of them like their piss. At least I wanted to kill Erwin, my bloodlust always wavered when I thought of those grey eyes watching me. Affection continued to dull that want despite me having already accepted that he had betrayed me. Why was that? And then I see Petra smiling, laughing with me and trying to make me see the bigger picture. Dammit Petra I went after the blonde bitch who killed you, wasn't that enough?

Stop haunting me.

Please?

The blade is removed and I breathe out, panting a little as I hadn't realised I was holding my breath. It seems I cared a lot more about staying alive than I originally thought. The blade is sheathed, slowly zipping back into place as she paces once again.

"With that want in mind I have a proposition for you, one that allows you to both achieve freedom, and get that revenge you crave so much."

I wait for the catch to be explained, watching her with half-lidded eyes that squint against the lantern's glare. The smirk remains in place as she enjoys her moment of enrapturing my attention. This woman needed to get some new hobbies.

"We want you to go back to the Scouts."

You've got to be fucking kidding me. I snort and chuckle hoarsely, focusing my healing on my throat so I can explain to her the idiocy of her and 'the family's' latest ploy. Inbreeding really didn't do well for IQ's clearly. What was the point in me doing that? Other than ripping some jugular veins out of some readied throats? She watches the steam rise from my mouth as I laugh and apparently she isn't as amused, her pacing stops and the smirk has settled into an unimpressed line of derision. I manage to quell my tittering and look up at her with fresh focus, shaking my head.

"Why would I ever want to go back to that bunch of festering fuckwits? All they'll do is throw me into another cell, rather like this charming place, and have some more sick fun." I snort and chuckle again. "You waited all this time to offer me that deal? Sorry love, but clearly you're not as smart as you look."

A slap to the face.

Well that's fair enough.

"Don't take too many liberties with me Alexia, keep in mind it's me holding your leash now. And I can tighten it as much as I see fit, the family trust me to act in their best interest, and that includes putting you down for good. A leash can make a good noose."

"So do it already!" I yell, voice thin as I leer out at her. "If all you're going to do is dangle shit in front of me, do me a favour and let me choke on it properly? Why do you even want me to go back to the Scouts? What's the point?"

"To keep an eye on Erwin Smith for us." She explains with a roll of her eyes, and I hang back on my chains, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Why not just kill him if he's so much trouble?" I breathe, wondering when the madness of this human world would finally peak and cause an implosion. The woman shakes her head at me, and a smirk returns to her lips once again.

"Timing is essential in all things Alexia."

"As is cryptic bullshit apparently…" I groan and look to the floor again as she paces.

"You want to be able to teach Levi a lesson don't you? You want that sweet, sweet revenge on him and Erwin?"

"Yeah, but I don't fancy simply swapping one set of assholes bossing me around, for another set. Which is all I would be doing by agreeing to become one of 'the family's' lackies." I mutter, letting my head hang down again.

"I said you'd have your freedom."

"And did you actually mean I could go live back out there beyond the walls?" I peer up through my hair, and she pauses long enough to give her answer loud and clear. "Didn't think so."

"Surely being in our service and doing your duty to your family is better than rotting down here with the rats?"

"My family are rats." Another slap to the face. "Go ahead, beat me to a pulp then scurry on out of here. I'm sick of deals being whispered through gilded bars." I sigh and once more the pacing picks up and I wonder if she will just wander off and leave me here to die in the dark at long last. I want my revenge, but more than that I just want to be let loose again. Let me soar over that wall and find my home again, let me exist for me, not some archaic bloodline with pathetic ambitions of power. I didn't want that, I just wanted to live.

The pacing stops.

A sigh is breathed.

And a tongue is clicked.

"What if I see to it you _could_ go back to your horrible little hovel of a home?" she asks and I peer up again, watching for any sign of games. But there's none. It's apparently a legit question. I shrug as best I can.

"Then I'd go ahead and believe in fairy tales again."

"Either be serious with me or I really will abandon you to this." She snaps and I just look up with a bored expression. "If I was able to guarantee that once we had all the information we desired out of your efforts in watching Smith, that you could return to that wilderness you like so much, would you agree to help?"

"Will I get to kill the bastard eventually as well?"

"Pushing your luck aren't you?"

"Might as well go balls deep if I'm gonna get into bed with the likes of you." I laugh and she grimaces, taking a delicate step back.

"You really can be vulgar."

"Thanks. So will I or not? Answer the question _my lady._ " I hiss and she looks down at me with an unimpressed look, but she finally rolls her eyes and nods.

"Once we have a replacement put into place, and all the cards are dealt… I don't see why not. Would save us hiring as assassin or trying to turn the Scientist."

"Efficiency is so important."

"So you agree to follow our orders and collect what information we need?" she then holds out her hand to me and I snort.

"Not exactly able to shake your hand right now dearest, but yeah, I'll do it based on those terms."

"Good to have you on board. And just think, every time you report back you'll get closer to getting to show Levi how it feels to have someone you cared for turn around and stab you in the back." she purrs and I just grimace at her words, leaning back from her hand as it reaches to stroke my cheek.

"Why the hell would he even care?" I ask bitterly, mouth tasting like ash as I remember the embraces we had shared. I see those grey eyes and I swallow down my pride. "He was just following orders right?"

"Indeed, but even he can feel something with his dick."

"Now who's being vulgar?"

"It'll still sting to have his little wild woman floozy turn around and take down his regiment. He doesn't need to be a love sick puppy to feel a bit of a burn when that happens." She laughs and heads out the door, I watch her go and consider that I've probably just been played again. But this time would be different, this time I had nothing to lose when risking it all. I could just make a break for it and hope for the best. This time I had knowledge about the terrain and the people I was dealing with. This time would be different. And he would know what he had done to me. He must know that already, surely? I'd make him say it, I'd make him admit to knowing what he had done. He had to know.

"What would you have done if I'd refused?" I ask as she relocks the cell door and tucks the keys back out of sight. She smirks and raises a carefully plucked eyebrow at me.

"I never imagined you would."

"How can you have been so sure that I'd help, you're too smart to be so assuming." I say with a shake of my head, and I expected a grin, a thanks of the compliment and cryptic bullshit before she walked off. But that isn't what I got. Instead, anger flashes over those painted features and I see something odd flash in those black eyes. Panic? Worry? It's such an alien sight I can't place it before it's vanished. She looks me up and down, and I realise she's doubting my resolve to keep my word. In all honesty that's exactly what I'm doing, but she has to no reason to have thought that. Unless the bitch is also psychic.

"Blood is blood, Alexia. Right now it's all you've got to hold onto in this wretched world. Your hovels are known and so can be tracked, your freedom is far beyond reach without our help, and the man you laid down like a thirsty dog for turned his back on you and sold you out. Options are not what you have. But a need for revenge is, and your family is all too happy to allow you that sweet moment."

"As long as I do the job as well." I finish for her, and she slowly nods. "When can I expect to get out of the chains then?"

"Patience is a virtue you have thus far practiced well. Continue to do so." She then turns and click-clacks away, the door slamming shut a few moments later.

I look down at the lantern she left behind and watch the flame dance about with its remaining oil. Keep on dancing little flame, sooner or later that oil will run dry, and then all you'll have to do is splutter and fade.

Keep dancing little flame.

One day you might just get to burn them all.

* * *

"Oi, Senefold, wake up." There's a clang of the door and I shrink back from far too many lanterns bobbing towards me with the shuffle of army issued boots. I groan and squint but can't make out who the hell it is bothering me with this onslaught of fire.

"Fucking hell… lower the damn lights…" I grumble coarsely, and thankfully they do as they're told. Along with the shuffling feet, and jangle of what I can only assume is keys, there's hushed voices that I can barely make out. I look up and frown as I see a familiar flash of glasses and then teeth as a nervous smile is sent my way.

"Hi there…" the voice is soft, worried and makes my heart lurch with the hope that I might be getting out of here. Then I remember what I'm meant to be doing once free. If I have to kill you Hanji, I'll be sure to make it painless.

"Hanji?" I croak, licking my lips and trying to stand.

"Yeah it's me Alex, just hold still while we get the shackles off you all right? Erwin finally got your release sorted out, I'm so sorry it took so long." She breathes and I do my best not to make a sound as the shackles disappear from my lacerated wrists, and I slump into two sets of arms. They hold me up easily, but I don't bother to look to see who it is as Hanji works on the shackles at my ankles. It didn't matter who was carrying me, as long as they got me the fuck out of here, that was all I cared about. Eventually the chains have all fallen away and I'm helped to walk out of the cell. Seems like my Family's little messenger had already convinced them it as all Erwin's doing, just typical that the Golden Wonder would get the fucking credit.

I let them get me up the stairs and into a wagon, I don't even question it when it no one seems keen on lingering. Were the MP even aware of this new arrangement? I just go with it though, slowly allowing my eyes to adjust to that crazy thing called daylight. Gradually I'm able to open my eyes and I stare up at the passing sky above, all grey and clouded as we rumble along the dirt tracks. I glance down and see Hanji checking my wrists and then she notices my head movement. She shuffles closer and pushes my hair back, smiling a little too nervously still.

"Hey, try and stay still okay? We'll get you cleaned up." She says quietly, and I just nod, letting my eyes slide shut. There wasn't much point in asking anything; we were heading to HQ, that was obvious. And doing anything was probably out of the question anyway. So I just let sleep take me, wondering if I'd wake in another cell, or my quarters; or perhaps even the same cell and find I'd dreamt all of this. Right now though I'm lulled to sleep by the clatter of wooden wheels and occasional splash of a puddle. It had been raining. Who knew?

I vaguely feel hands move me some time later, and hazily I hear people gasp as I am carried inside. I don't know what I look like in all honesty, I hadn't been fed much but for all I knew it had only been a week. Or it could have been a month. I had no idea what they were gasping about, but at least they weren't laughing? Soon enough though there's a bed beneath me, and a cold towel pressed to my head.

Well if it was a dream, my imagination had come on leaps and bounds.

And then I hear that voice.

"The fuck did they do to her, Glasses?" he rumbles, and my fists clench as my jaw tightens.

"I think the more appropriate question would be what _didn't_ they do… she's incredibly weak, to the point that I'm wondering when she'll wake up. You saw the state of that cell Levi… all those tools… all that blood…"

"Yeah it was disgusting."

"I wouldn't even think to do that to a Titan, let alone a person." She breathes, the towel being pressed more against my forehead. There's a shuffling of boots and a click of a tongue. It's him all right.

"She'll wake up when she's ready, she's too stubborn to let the bastards win."

Don't think you know me Pixie Dick.

"I just hope you're right Levi." murmurs Hanji, getting up apparently and walking to the door that creaks on its hinges from disuse. "Don't wake her up, okay? I know you've been waiting but… don't force it. We have no idea what they told her. Or what kind of state her head's in."

"She's no fool, she won't have believed their lies." He says, apparently standing by my head judging from the sound of his voice. My fists clench harder. I wish I could believe his lies. It's all right Levi, Hanji wouldn't tell Erwin on you anyway, you can drop the act about giving a shit.

The door snaps closed and there's a sigh, the pulling over of a chair and then he sits down. The wood creaks and his clothes rustle, I want to open my eyes and just stare him down. I want to bore that guilt into him and make him suffer. But then I realise he wouldn't give two shits about me staring at him. Wouldn't even flinch in all likeliness. He might have even laughed now that I think about it, thrown his head back and chortled at the feeble little thing laying before him. How pathetic.

"You still know what you did to me right?" he breathes, a hand going to my hair and brushing it back. "They didn't steal that did they?"

Ow.

How can that have hurt so damned much?

Stop lying god dammit.

But maybe they were lying?

"Alex?" he says quietly, his hand stopping its movements and I think he might even be holding his breath. Had I moved? I hadn't intended to, but I must have done something. "Can you hear me?"

Unfortunately yes Levi, I can fucking hear you and I really wish I couldn't. It hurts too damn much to hear all this noise coming from inside me. Who was lying, where the hell had the truth buggered off to and how did I find the prick? Shadows and blood. Shadows and blood.

God damn I'm confused.

Just make the noise stop, someone?

He sighs and the hand leaves all together as he sits back. I'm expecting him to get up and leave, to snort in disgust and move away. But there's no more sound other than our breathing. Why was he staying? Hope bubbles in my mind, but then reality gives me a smack on the back of my skull. He has to stay to make sure I don't just get up and go kill Erwin. This is just more orders, this is just more play acting. What else did I fucking expect?

God dammit Levi.

I hate you.

* * *

 **So there we go, i aimed for a longer update as i'm having such issues updating at a regular pace.**

 **Leave a fav, follow and or review as they all make my day and keep me going! You're all fab and I'm very thankful for you all that take the time to read my nonsense!**

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 **Animegoddess: No the story is not ending, i will make it VERY clear when i do end a story as I would never want anyone hanging on for no reason. So no, not ending yet! And sorry, the emotional turmoil continues .  
Darkangelnyxx: Those are some heavy threats, I'm sure they'd be quaking in their boots. Thanks for the review, I love knowing that people get so invested, it's a serious confidence boost so thank you thank you thank you!**

 **Mika1617: Lots happens, that person is illusiveness in a nice pair of heels, the unicorns are evil and lol I guess the last one has been answered by the update. I will always be endeavouring to update my dear, I promise whole-heartedly.**

 **UmberonGurl:... 0_0 i have no idea what to say, you are far far too kind in your praise but oh my god did that make me feel good *sniffs* you're an angel. Thank you so much for your review; it's gratifying to know the relationship feels genuine as I never wanted it to feel false. Its also the reason it took so feckin' long to actually happen haha! I hate when I read a Mary-Sue character, and I always aim to never do so! I am absolutely thrilled beyond words that you enjoy this so much, and i sincerely hope it remains up to standard *nervously looks around*. Hope you enjoyed the update!**

 **Gracexxx: once again you're a sweetheart, but surely you must be used to me being so cruel, it's in my nature as an author!**

 **Timothy.73: I hope this chapter has rectified some of your concerns over alexia's character. I'm glad you pointed out your concerns though as it reminds me as an author to remain consistent and to ensure things remain at a proper pace. I hope you're still around to have read this, but if not, you certainly gave me help and food for thought with your review, so thank you very much indeed!**

 **Maria: Levi is the king of Angry Pixies and he's always a Sass ass. Glad to hear from you and thrilled to know you're still enjoying! Thank you! And for all your reviews on my little apology update; you have to be one of the kindest people out there.**

 **AlexHide: Yup, everyone is an asshole in the story! I'm incredibly humbled by the fact you think I can speak so much truth through a story, that's like a major dream for a writer so thank you very much indeed. If I can teach people that's like... 0_0 whoa... although I guess I've also taught you swearwords so BONUS. 'Cold bucket of ef-ed up reality' is probably a quote I should put in the story description! Hope you're still enjoying it, and thanks for the review :)**

 **Joldino-Sidestreaker: Wow thank you for the praise, and I'm thrilled you enjoy it so much! To know my writing gets such an emotional response is a major boost, so thank you, it means a lot to me.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey, it's not been a month! Yay!**

 **Hope you're all well, and ready for some crazy snippets of Alexia Senefold and her PTSD. Whoooooop.**

 **Warning: talk of previous tortures and the usual graphic stuff that crops up in this fic.**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own AOT.**

* * *

Eventually I dozed off, no longer trying to deduce what he was planning on gaining from sitting over me like a perverted vulture. When my eyes finally flicker open, my ears having failed to detect any breathing around me; I find myself alone in the small bedroom with only darkness lingering outside the window. But hey, there's a window at least. I don't try and sit up, there's an ache at the back of my head that warns me that is not the best of plans right now. A soft glow emanates from the far corner. I can only assume they left me with a lantern to avoid me screaming into the dark like some half-cut maniac straight from the asylum.

A night light.

Really?

Then again I hadn't been left in the dark for quite some time, there was always some kind of lantern or torch in the cells, I wonder what'll happen if I really do wake to darkness at some point. Would I snap? Or just snort and get on with as usual? I guess it's like anything else, I won't know until it actually happens. My mind feels fine, but then again that was probably what all loonies thought before they started chatting up a goat by the newspaper stand.

"Hello?" I say out to the ceiling, and I'm rather glad to not have a face appear to strike up a conversation about the current economic climate. But when silence rings back at me I just sigh. It was definitely still the better option, the other probably being the Captain's face leering out at me with some more lies ready to be spouted.

Okay.

Hold up the melodrama train there.

He was following orders, and doing his job; it isn't his fault I got caught up in all my feminine hormonal emotions and decided to think of it as anything more than wham bam, get back in the fucking cell you… ham…? I groan and roll over.

"Hey, you awake?" I freeze as the soft voice drifts through the dim light, and I look over to see a flash of glasses by the doorway. Well that's a little better than a stoic Pixie Bitch. Hanji leans in and bites her lip, but she doesn't look concerned, she looks like a hungry ghoul with the light reflecting like that.

"Hanji come inside or at least take off the glasses? You look like a boogyman or something." I sigh and roll onto my back again. She does as told, the door clicking softly as she closes it again. But she didn't lock it.

"Sorry, didn't mean to linger,"

"Since when?" I snort and wave a dismissive hand. She moves closer, a nervous chuckle in her throat.

"I just heard a noise when I was passing, thought I'd check on you in case... How you feeling?"

"Right as rain, think I'll go do 100 laps." I rumble, voice still groggy from sleep. She laughs gently again and I hear the slosh of water travelling from pitcher to glass. A cold droplet hits my hand as she holds it out to me, was Hanji actually this kind? Or was it another act?

I slowly try to sit up.

"That's it, take it nice and slow. You were pretty weak when we found you."

"Cells kinda drain me." I sigh and rub my eyes before taking the water and sipping it carefully, my stomach churns as the cold makes its way down my throat. I wait a couple seconds before trying again, slightly more convinced I won't just vomit it back up. I can feel her watching me, those glasses still shimmering.

"How long have I been back here? I thought I just dozed off but… I feel so foggy…"I yawn and then clench my jaw. Get a grip Senefold. This wasn't necessarily the Hanji you thought you knew, she might have just been playing you as well. Stop telling her shit. Idiot. She doesn't need to know you're foggy, for all she needs to know you're sharp as ever and ready to fight.

"About four days. You slept most the time, not really waking to do anything more than mumble your name when I asked it, or alternatively tell me where to shove my notebook." She chuckles and I frown as I look into the small ripples in the glass.

I don't remember waking up at all; guess I must have been really out of it.

"Mm… yeah right, I remember now."

"No you don't." she says, and I glance her way to see that understanding but ever-so-slightly patronising smile sit firmly in place. Her hair is a mess as always, but perhaps more so, like she hasn't slept. There's bruising under her eyes from lack of sleep, and a pallid look to her skin. Something's going on here…

"So what's wrong with you?" I ask, sipping again as she sits back a bit and tries to smooth down that wayward hair. It does nothing but send it in a different direction though.

"Nothing! Y'know me I—"

"I don't really, no." I shrug, and immediately regret it as her head tilts slightly. Shit. Just play it normal you idiot, otherwise you'd be found out and shackled all over again. I take a deep breath and try to calm my mind. This was a lot harder than I thought.

I look down to avoid the awkwardness, my wrists becoming very interesting indeed. Of course the marks are gone, being a Titan had those kind of perks. But as I look at the skin I feel a ghost of that ache, and I know the cuts were deep.

"Um… well…" Hanji seems unsure of what to say, and I know I need to rein in this suspicious patient act. I was here to gather information, not spook them and ruin everything. In all honesty I didn't really know what the repercussions would be, and for whom. Would the Family just hurt me for messing it up? Or did they hold enough power to just destroy them all? And most importantly why the hell was I worrying?!

I was under orders right? Just like them.

"What happened with the blonde thing?" I lean back and keep my face composed as she adjusts to the change in subject. "Do you know who it was yet?"

"Y-Yeah we realised it was Annie Leonhart prior to you taking her down. Well done by the way." She notes and I smile a little, it was the first form of thanks I'd received after all.

"Fat lot of good it did me…"

"Yeah… when you and Levi turned up we were in the middle of the operation to get hold of her." She explains what they had intended, and subsequently what had happened instead. I smirk.

"Good thing we turned up I guess." I murmur, and she nods quickly. "Eren get out without being collared?"

I roll the glass around in my hands.

I could break it off the wall and grab the largest shard, use her as a hostage and get myself on a horse with some gear. Then all I'd have to do would be ride for the walls and then I'd be home free. But would I have to kill her?

Could I kill her?

"Alex? You listening?" her voice softly breaks through my fantasy which was swinging between the images her throat slit and slowly bleeding out. Or alternatively her thrown in the muck no more than bruised, and perhaps a little scared.

I blink slowly.

"Sorry… no, what's going on with Eren?"

"It's okay, you'll have a lot going through your head." She smiles and pats my hand, taking the empty glass back and offering to pour more water in.

I shake my head, I wouldn't be able to kill her.

Either she was genuinely decent, or she was too damn good an actress to rob the world of.

"Eren was allowed back into our custody because the MP's couldn't really argue he had been doing anything but trying to stop the Female Titan. Obviously there's a lot of blow-back because of the damages and collateral damage but… frankly it's all a bit of a mess right now. No one really knows what's going on, or what we're meant to do."

"Understandable. Glad to know Eren's not in chains." I nod and look at the door as footsteps pass by. They fade away again though. "So… how did Fuckface get me out?"

She laughs.

I feel a pang, and I realise I'd missed that noise.

Keep it together Senefold.

"I don't try to understand how he does things Alex, it's always the easiest way." She answers, and I can feel the double meaning in the air between us. I slowly nod and fiddle my fingers together. How the hell would I react when I eventually saw that Blonde Haired tower of Bullshit? Would I keep my cool? Or would I rip off those eyebrows and shove them up his nose? Again, I have no idea, guess I'll have to wait and see.

"Alex?"

"Mm? Yeah? Sorry…" I shake my head, trying to focus.

"You feel up to eating anything? I can go get you something if you like. Alex? What's wrong?"

"I was just wondering how Le— the Captain, how's the Captain?" I correct myself, clearing my throat and smiling a little nervously when she looks downhearted. I couldn't quite bring myself to taste that name again so soon. Not yet.

"He tried to get you out Alexia, he really did." She looks at her lap, "He's kind of been a mess in all honesty. Been here every day for a good few hours, when he can spare the time. I mean… he hasn't told me much but—"

"He fucked up his ankle, right? That all better?" I disregard the attempt to look into what had happened between me and Mr Scowls. That wasn't something she needed to know, or something I needed reminding of.

Come on Hanji, tell me about the ankle. Can I outrun the bastard? I keep my eyes cast to the side, finding the simple sensation of that sorry look hard enough to bare. Don't give me pity Hanji, that doesn't help anything but to build up my rage.

She nods a little.

"It's doing well, he should be using a crutch but he refuses. About as stubborn as you in all honesty."

"We're not alike." I shake my head and she sighs, getting up. It seems she knows me well enough not to push the matter, I had to credit her with that much. "Don't bother with the food Hanji, I'll just head for a shower." I swing my legs out, as she reaches for the door.

"Huh? Oh shit wait—!"

Ow.

I land on my ass, and scramble back into the bed when she rushes back over. I thump my legs angrily and sigh, guess I should have seen that coming. Good thing I hadn't done the glass idea then, would haven't got very far with these fucking jelly legs. And right now I wasn't outrunning anyone.

"Seems I might need some help in that respect." I mutter and she nods, looking to the side like there's something else that has yet to be said. "Spit it out Hanji, I'm kind of done with cryptic looks at the moment." I groan and just try being patient.

"You're um… you're not allowed to go anywhere alone."

"Excuse me?" I challenge, voice dipping into a whisper. Her glasses flash as she shifts her weight nervously. "Wanna run that one by me again?"

"Erwin was concerned you might be harbouring—"

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that glorified butcher has the gal to have me under scrutiny now?"

"Well, it's so much that, Alex. He just—" I put a shaky finger to her lips and they stutter into silence as my stare bores into her. I feel her tremble, and I'm trying to keep a lid on it. But no. The last straw has broken the damn and now I would burn through this shit. Not only would it feel fucking good, but it would probably help them trust I was still in their corner.

I would so enjoy ripping that man all manner of new orifice.

"I went through torture for fuck knows how long because they wanted to know what he was doing. I didn't even try making shit up when I didn't know anything. _I stayed quiet_ …"

"I know…" she breathes, not moving away or even blinking as those big brown eyes shine back at me. This wasn't her doing, but she seemed to have at least a hope at whispering in Erwin's thick ear. She could tell him how outraged I was, how hurt and shocked. She could plant the seeds that might allow me to get this mission out of the way, and get myself back over those walls.

"Now you tell me I've just swapped one cell for another? Albeit with a bed and nice moodlighting?" I swallow hard and bite my lip as I pretend to fight tears. She's buying it though. "Hanji… I can't… you can't expect me to be able to—"

"You'll be cleared in no time if you just calm down." A voice rumbles from the doorway and a shudder rolls over my nerves to the point that I have to let my hand fall away from her lips and help hold me up. Good God woman get a damned grip. My eyes flash over and meet his, hatred meeting calm composure.

Bastard.

"This. Is. Calm." I say, with a smirk soon following, but as he shakes his head it curls into a snarl. His grey eyes just stare at me, like I was nothing but a returned broken set of gear. I needed nothing more than cleaning, resetting and sent back out into the muck.

I deny the trembling, I deny the burning sensation at the pit of my weary heart as it thunders in my ears.

Fuck him and fuck this feeling.

"Just keep a lid on it, Senefold. You'll only end up hurting yourself."

"And you'd give a shit about that, right?" I hiss and something sparks in those eyes. Pain? More like amusement in all likeliness, but of course it's gone in the next instant. Nothing phased the infamous Captain Levi right? I look him up and down and turn the snarl back into a smirk, shaking my head before looking to Hanji.

"Get me to the showers?" and she holds a hand out, which I gladly take and get onto my wobbling legs.

Dammit everything aches like hell.

I hold onto her more than I like, but right now the last thing I want to do is topple to the floor at his feet. My pride can only take so much of a beating. I chance a look up as we stagger towards the door, and when I do, I grip Hanji a little tighter as he grimaces at the state of me. Some might see it as pain upon seeing a woman he once cared for brought so low, personally though? Personally I just see pity and derision. I'd have pushed past him if I had an ounce of spare strength, but I don't, and so I just shuffle past with Hanji who murmurs encouragement at me as we head along the corridor. He stays where he is, and I just hear a sight and the click of my quarter's door being closed again.

I reckon it has to be approaching dawn judging from the way the sky is lightening along the cusp of the horizon.

New day on the way. New blood to be spilt I guess.

* * *

For the next week I dot the T's and cross the I's.

For the next week I don't leave this little room without an escort.

For the next week I speak to no one but the Scientist.

The Captain has swung by every single day, and every single day he sits there keeping an eye on me. Sometimes he asks a question, or attempts to strike up a conversation, but each time I just smirk and shake my head. I was here to do a job, but that didn't mean I had to go back to that fool in that damn hovel. I didn't have to tremble before those stoic eyes and bite my lip, all I need to do is keep to my instincts but deny the urge to rip out his jugular. Or something else.

Eventually though he can't stand the silent treatment anymore apparently. Too used to those around him falling over themselves for his attention I guess. Or too used to having the women he had bedded lapping at his boots.

I don't really know what else he expected, but apparently this wasn't it.

"At least look at me today?"

I smirk as usual and I practically hear his patience snap. Suddenly he's gripped my chin and made me look at him, his eyes ablaze with something my head won't let me comprehend. The snarl is automatic on my lips and I try to free myself, but no, it's no use. His hand is like a vice, and I wonder if he actually plans to break my jaw.

"The hell is going on, Senefold? You haven't said a word since that first night. What the hell did they do? What did they tell you?" he demands and I just stare him down, what right did he think he had to command anything of me? His hand loosens, but I still feel it shake a little before he lets go and sits back. Confusion wins over from the pain that had lingered there, but this performance does little to move me. Take your bow and leave, asshole.

"What exactly do you want me to say?" I ask, voice like ice as it crackles out of me, I sip my tea and cross one leg over the other as I lounge on the bed. I hold his gaze though, I'm finally able to hold myself steady with him being that damned close to me. Beforehand the betrayal stung like a bitch, now it's barely a fizzle in the air.

Titans heal quickly.

"What happened?" he asks, voice almost composed again, but there's the slightest tremor there. I reckon it's his temper he's trying to keep under wraps though; I wonder how much he wants to chain me to the wall and go for round 37. Slam my ribs apart, crack my bones in entirely new ways, and spill my blood like stale milk. How badly did he thirst for that kind of power over me again? I hope it burned, I hope he was being driven mad by it. The desert would remain parched though Captain, I will not let you rule me ever again.

"In the cell?" I ask, raising a brow as the cup touches my lips.

He nods.

"Well… they locked me up, chained me to the wall and had one hell of a good time." I chuckle darkly and enjoy the way he shudders. "They peeled back my skin, they burned—"

"Stop." He demands, standing and pacing over by the window. I just laugh again and lean back against the wall when he looks over with a little horror thrown into that actor's prowess. "Why are you laughing like that?"

"Why not? Am I meant to be blubbering at you? Lamenting about all those dark days I begged for you to come and unchain me? All the long nights I screamed your name and wanted you to swing in and save me?" I tilt my head and he takes a step back, was that a stagger? He's really committing today. Had Erwin given him a pay rise? Or finally bent him over his desk?

"Alexia…"

"Captain?" I snap back, the sound of my voice on his lips making the shudder return for a second.

No.

No you don't get to do that to me right now.

You don't get to do that to me ever.

There's a pause with that puppy-dog expression still in place, but then something else clicks, presumably him sticking his patience back together before he properly broke character. That's it Captain, keep playing the damn part, and dancing to Golden Boy's lurid tune.

"Look Senefold… I don't know what they told you."

"Does it really matter?"

"Listen to me."

"For what purpose?" I challenge, and he just sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Look… I don't care what they said to you, but the thing is I really did—"

"Love and cherish me right?" I bark, unable to deny the way it stings my tongue. Silence rings out as he stares at me, slowly moving away from the window and towards me. It's only a couple steps before he stops completely, but they still make me hold my breath a little. Dammit why does he still make me so fidgety?

"Senefold… I wasn't lying. I never lied. But I never said Love either." He speaks coldly, turning and leaving for the door.

A weird lurch happens in my chest and I clench my teeth together; that was true enough. I don't think he ever had said the messiest word in the human language. He was leaving, he was walking away like I wanted. I feel like I should have a weightless feeling instead of this tugging sensation overriding that burn. I grip the sheets when my hand aches to reach out.

No.

I don't get to do that right now.

I don't get to do that ever.

"How long was I gone?" I ask quietly, looking at him with careful composure slid back into place over the previously unkempt anger.

"Three weeks." He sighs.

The door clicks closed.

* * *

 **3rd PERSON POV**

It had happened fairly damned fast by all accounts.

Hanji was helping Alexia get cleaned up as per usual, standing guard over her having a shower and then escorting her back to her room. But then it changed, just like that. Down the long corridor, at the opposite end where they could see people come and go along the corridor adjacent, Erwin walked past with some paperwork. Hanji had done well so far to avoid an encounter between the Shifter and Commander, but right then she failed. Right then, that lucky streak had come to a guttering halt. The man didn't even see them as he went along to his office, not glancing their way at all.

Alexia froze completely, causing Hanji to stumble a little at the sudden halting. The shifter's eyes looked like they'd just seen a ghost, when in reality she'd just seen her prey. Alexia had wondered what would happen when she saw him again, and now she had her answer. It wouldn't be cold and composed, but more like a sudden inferno.

"Ale—"

A new surge of strength burst into the Shifter's body and she wrenched her arm free of the scientist's hold before barrelling down the corridor. Alexia had intended to remain composed when in Erwin's presence again, but she hadn't anticipated seeing him so out of the blue. This wasn't so much a plan, but more of a base instinct impulse for blood and vengeance. Alexia Senefold was back in that HQ to play a part, and do as the Family had requested. That was what she had agreed to, and it was how she had obtained her small slice of freedom. But thus far she had received no word, no mention of orders from this damned Family of hers. Therefore as far as Alexia was concerned she had to keep up appearances, and it would feel damned good doing it.

In all honesty, the Scouts would only be more suspicious if she was all sunshine and rainbows. She didn't want to disappoint.

For a few seconds Hanji just stared, confused by it all. But then she kicked into gear and bolted after Alexia, making a small stop by Levi's office on the way.

This could only end in blood, and a lot of it.

By the time Hanji and Levi get to the office, barging in without a moment of pause, they both have to jolt to a stop. Alexia looms over Erwin who remains in his seat, and the air in the room is so tense a knife would get stuck mid-air. At first Levi is confused as to why the Commander hadn't grabbed a weapon, or backed away in caution, but then he realises it had all happened too fast. He had always told Erwin he would regret not always looking up when someone entered his office. Now seemed a bad time to say 'I told you so' though.

She isn't just standing there though, no the Shifter is beyond keeping her hands to herself.

She holds him tightly by his throat.

And she's squeezing.

Slowly she pushes Erwin back in his chair as her nails coat themselves in fresh crystal that slowly digs in to the man's flesh. He doesn't move, not even to flinch. Erwin Smith knows full well that she could kill him in a second with that crystal surging into spikes. They had seen it on the battlefield, and from what they can see burning in her eyes, this was no different. One wrong move, and his neck would be shredded. Erwin glares up at her, but he says nothing as her wide eyes stare, shinning with confused tears as her body continues to shake.

It had done so for the past week whenever she wasn't sitting or being held up. She knew it wasn't likely to stop anytime soon either. And that was his fault, the man whose pulse she could feel sliding past her fingers with so little effort it made her sick to think how easy he lived his damned life.

His blue eyes glance over to Levi and Hanji who stand on the other side of the desk, neither making a move as they both try and figure a way out of this that lacked bloodshed. Neither was doing well on that front.

"Good to see they haven't broken your spirit, Senefold." He says calmly.

Alex glances at the other two and then back at him, tilting her head a little, her brown hair sliding in front of her face slightly as it had now grown to chin length. She smiles broadly, jaw clenched tight as her fingers tighten on his throat and the crystal creeps forward.

It was all dancing along the edge of a razor, and really she had no idea which way she would tumble, but at that point she was willing to ride it out.

"Nah, not a chance Blondie." She whispers, voice scratchy from her screaming during the nights, all broken by constant nightmares. "They broke my arms, my legs, each rib in turn and every tiny bone in my hands and feet. They smashed my spine, and cracked my skill, split my pelvis and snapped my jaw… but no, they didn't get the spirit."

"I'm impressed." He says and the crystal slices into the flesh slightly, weak trickles of blood rolling down his goosebump covered throat. She nods.

"And that means a lot. Do you know something Golden Boy? It takes two and half hours for my entire leg to grow back."

"My, my." He replies, swallowing again. Neither Hanji nor Levi is daring to even breathe.

"And don't worry, the data in consistent. They checked seven times. They checked in a hot room, cold room, dry room and damp. In sunlight and darkness too. But yeah, the average was about two and a half hours." She breathes through her teeth, and his brows raise just a touch. "Normally I'd have given up, and the ability would have lessened with every slice into me, every nick of the scalpel would have chipped away at my capability to heal. It's how it works. But no, it never faltered without my hardest efforts. I have you to thank for that."

"Oh? How so?" he says, voice void of any tremor as he stares back at those shifting brown eyes that still haven't blinked.

Levi watches Alexia and how the shivering runs across her skin and shifts her entire frame. There was no way he could try and reason with her, for one thing it was beyond that now, she had been put through too much to have anything justified. And for another, he sort of wanted Erwin punished. He wanted the Commander made accountable at long last for the games he played with people's lives.

It was for the greater good, yes.

It was for the good of Humanity, and he was one of the few men in charge who was willing to keep fighting for humanity's freedom, yes.

But that didn't give him the right to do all the evil things he had done, did it?

Levi watches that crystal and feels himself willing it into the jugular vein, even if for only a moment. Just a small puncture. Just a touch.

"I had to heal," Alexia growls. "Because I had to come back here, because I have to kill you."

"Alex…" breathes Hanji, making no move but desperate not to watch the Shifter dig her own grave down to the bedrock.

Alexia turns a little, looking mainly over her shoulder as her body curls slightly, looking gnarled and broken despite the fact her wounds had long since steamed shut. Her dark eyes shine out, flickering like lanterns as she stares at the scientist, still gritting her teeth as she holds onto some slice of composure. Hanji swallows, the gaze an intimidating thing to be held under.

"H-He left me there in that hole when he could have got me out." Alexia croaks, eyes shining a little more as her hand shudders and small pink lines are etched into Erwin's throat. His eyes remain glued on her head, as though he was trying to bargain his way out telepathically. "He uses people like pawns, and just watches them fall down like they're nothing more than droppings from a pigeon." She sucks a breath through her teeth and swallows hard. "So why're you looking at me like I'm mad?"

"This isn't the way…" says Hanji, slowly taking a step forward.

Alexia snaps upright, forcing Erwin's head back at an awkward angle, his whole body arched as he attempts to keep his airway open. Levi tensed to the point that he's sure he's going to rupture something if this went on for much longer. His heart is thundering in his ears, he feels like he's about to witness her destroy herself and all he can do is watch. Once again he's made to feel completely powerless.

"Then what is?" pleads Alexia, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Sending more squads out for no god damned reason so they can have their bones broken and blood spilt? What's the point if all he gives the survivors is pain and questions? Too many tally marks Hanji, too many _fucking_ tally marks."

Hanji doesn't know what Alexia means, but she knows her confused friend is just begging for an explanation.

Before they dragged her back into the mess that was human civilisation Alexia had very few questions about life left to ask, now her head fizzed with unanswered mysteries. Her eyes flit over to Levi and he holds firm under those eyes. This wasn't her. This was the shell filled with pain and confused paranoia those MP bastards had left her as.

"Let go of him Sen…" he stops himself and sighs, looking away for a second and then making himself meet her eye again. "Please… Alexia, you need to listen." He says calmly, and her brows lift in the middle, as though she were nothing more than a child not understanding that pulling the wings from a butterfly was wrong. He swallows and waits, watching another small dribble of blood run down to the base of Erwin's throat.

"Why should I, Captain?" she breathes, voice hitching at the end, "Pl-ease, explain it to me before I finally lose my god damn mind."

"Erwin has his secrets, and that's how he keeps us safe." Says Hanji suddenly, and Levi looks at her in shock. The scientist's glasses flash as she pushes them back up her nose. Alex doesn't look like she believes a word that just came from Hanji's mouth, but she's still listening all the same. "He keeps his plots and his schemes to himself, thus avoiding anyone even having the temptation of ratting him out to the other regiments or higher-ups. He's a bastard at times yeah, I'll give you that, but at the end of the day his goal is for Humankind to be free."

"Humankind… Freedom… Nice speech." Croaks Alexia, licking her chapped lips, "but that doesn't explain why me being left to those unicorn fucking dogs was any benefit to mankind. Seems like it was more for this prick getting himself off, putting me in place, and tightening the damn leash." She snarls, turning and pushing his neck against the back of the chair so his head was hanging over it. The wood creaks with the pressure and Levi wonders if Erwin can even breathe right now.

"They had… to be given… something…" he gasps thinly and her eyes blaze for a second before she glances at the door as though she could see Eren standing there. No one was there of course. But that didn't mean she didn't see him.

"You talkin' about the kid?" she pushing her thumb against the underside of his jaw. "No more cryptics got it Brows?"

"Got it." He wheezes, and she retracts her hand, still looming over him ready to clutch at his flesh again should his answers prove unsatisfactory. He rubs his throat and clears it a few times, looking up with disdain but making no move to escape. Good plan, considering she had only just stopped short of snapping his head off anyway.

"The MP's had only just been snubbed with our jurisdiction over Eren, so they were already up in arms over the Scouts having too much power. If I had demanded your release as I wished, and as everyone else wished also," he adds with a pointed look at the other two who just folds their arms and shrug. They had no regrets over their gripes. "They would have demanded Eren instead. And I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted that."

"Yeah… I'm so known for my sentimentality." Snorts Alex, feet tapping and head shifting from side to side. She is never still as she watches him, eyes still shifting about as though expecting an attack from everywhere. Erwin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Are you seriously suggesting you would have preferred Jaeger to be put through their tests?"

"Are you seriously expecting me to tell you whom I do or do not have an emotional attachment to? You'd only use it against me and cause more pain." she growls, leering down at him with bared teeth.

Erwin doesn't exactly flinch, but he does recoil a little, he wasn't a coward but he wasn't an idiot either. Alexia tilts her head again.

"So that's it? You let them have me, take me and play with me for three fucking weeks, so that Jaeger could remain in the nursery? Fuck off. None of your reasons are that straight forward, it isn't how that head works." She taps his temple, long nail turning black with crystal as she curls her lip.

"I wanted to try and figure out what the royals wanted with you." He admits at last, looking to the side and trying his best to disregard the growing spike approaching his skull.

The crystal stops and Alexia freezes. For a moment it doesn't even sound like she's breathing as she stares at him, the only movement she is making is the widening of her eyes and slight trembling to her body. He knew? He had seen that woman come to the prison to talk with her?

Did he know they would have given her a task?

No point asking, he could get to that if he wanted.

Alexia was under no misunderstanding, she knew his secrets were hard to get, even if his life was under threat.

"So you let them toy with me like road-kill…"

"I only—"

"I have an idea _Commander_ and of course, it's only a suggestion from the dog you so happily keep kicking… but maybe next time? Ask me." She snaps, glancing at Levi with a slightly confused looking frown. "Or even ask your Captain, he'd have been able to explain. Or at least let you know what I knew."

"And that is?" says Erwin, eyes angry as he looks at Levi. The captain doesn't flinch though, he knew he didn't owe Erwin any favours.

"I have some kind of bullshit connection to the nobles, maybe even royalty. That's why they interfered with my life to begin with, and that's who was digging around in my body all this time trying to get answers about you and this damned regiment." She snarls and then raises her hand slightly as if to strike him hard across the face. Perhaps even knock his head clean off. But she just sighs and lowers it again. The ferociousness melting into defeat.

"And what did you tell them?" he asks, apparently unmoved by her show of restraint. Right then, Levi wants to snap the Commander's head off himself. But she just laughs, she staggers back a little more and shakes her head at him.

"Nothing. I had nothing to tell them in the first place Golden Boy."

"And what, if anything, did they try to get you to do?"

"What do you mean, _Commander_? They didn't get me to do anything, why would they? You're the one who got me released right?" she says coldly, leaning on the desk a little. He rubs his throat and smirks, nodding and looking to the Captain and Hanji.

"Very well. Seems the connection is pointless then." He says with a small shrug.

"Seems so." She whispers, taking another shaky step back but still not quite falling over. "Hanji? Take me back to my room… please."

And she leans on the scientist as she's led away slowly, allowed to settle back down on her bed and put her head in her hands. Trembles continue to dance all over her body. Hanji drapes a blanket over her and sits down beside her.

"What were you thinking, Alex?"

"I just wanted to scare him… make him feel it… even for a second." She breathes, as she straightens up. "Bit pointless really. You can't make a god bleed and you can't make a stone feel pain."

"We did try everything Alex, I swear we did."

"I believe you did, Hanji, it's all right." She sighs and pats Hanji's hand as it rests on her knee. "Don't lose sleep over it, I'm back, everything's going to be fine." Alexia wears a sorry looking smile, knowing that really there was no other choice. She knew her head would remained a little unhinged, but at the same time she knew she would have to rein it in.

She had a job to do.

If it was even possible now.

Humans were far too messy.

"I don't know what they tried to convince you of Alex, but we're still your friends, we still care a lot about you. All of us." She adds with a small smile, and Alex frowns up at her. The scientist pushes her glasses further up her nose and glances at the door with a slightly hopeful nod. But Alexia just shuffles back on the bed and shakes her head.

"No Hanji, I don't want to see him. Please." She adds as she lays down and curls into the pillow. Hanji nods, she knew it was a long shot in the first place.

"I'll tell him. But Alex? He missed you, I just wanted you to know that."

"You mean it looked like he did." Alexia says with a shake of her head. The Shifter was desperate to trust Hanji, to trust all the connections she had made. But really? The only person she felt she might have been able to trust was Petra, and that body was long since buried. The only other one was maybe Eren, but she had no idea how strong that kids resolve really was. Or how well trained he'd become under the rule of Commander Golden Nuts.

"Rest up Alexia, we need you back."

"So do I." she replies in a small mumble. Hanji heads out, closing the door as she sees Alexia's tired eyes slide closed.

Levi stands just outside, leaning against the wall.

"I need to know what they said to her Hanji." He says without looking at her, his jaw set tight and his arms firmly folded over his chest. The woman nods and puts a hand on his tense shoulder. He doesn't move.

"I'll see if I can find anything out, but don't hold out much hope Levi."

"Don't think I can right now, even if I wanted to Glasses." He mutters, kicking off the wall and heading back to his office. There's a shake of his head as he goes inside, and once again he sits down and reaches for a bottle of Scotch.

"Keep it together Ackerman…"

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed and I hope this is a sign of more regular updates, but I make no promises because quite frankly I have no bloody idea. But as always, things will always be continued!**

 **Thanks for reading, leave a review, follow or fav, all are appreciated and make this author do her victory dance.**

 **Shoutouts because once again you have all been so wonderful to me and I once again have to thank you all!**

 **AnimeGoddess644: I do so dearly hope I DON'T kill you, but if you're still hooked? I'm still thrilled! Thanks!**

 **Guest(i need names you lovely people!): I was so glad to be able to get the update up before christmas after feeling I'd rather failed you all beforehand. So i'm glad it was up to par! Patience is a virtue, and in this fic, you can always assume bloody retribution will happen at some point! Thank you so much for your support, and your praise is seriously so wonderful for me to read. [And reread when the nerves loom] Thank you!**

 **Gracexxx: Haha I know, Alexia is the personification of stubbornness. Don't worry, it'll probably sink in eventually... probably... she is pretty thick though. No spoilers ;) glad you enjoyed!**

 **Ceeceej!: Glad you got to catch up, and I'm glad you seem still enthusiastic! Hope you had good holidays as well love, and I hope this chapter is still up to standard.**

 **SecretWishX: You are seriously too kind to me. Thank you so much and I am so glad you still enjoy it and still find so much to read into. Thank you for your continued kindness and support, you're a real star.**

 **Hidden Berserker(i love your name 0_0): Sorry, the ship has been a little battered I know :P I am a rather cruel author in that sense. Sorry! I personally LOVE Erwin, both as a character to read and to write. He's ruddy fascinating! On one hand I think he's brilliant, driven and brave etc. and on the other this twisted obsessive in serious need of a step back. Hence why I write him so different in my other fics haha! (Wow that just sounds like an excuse for not having a character down... whoops?) Glad you're invested though, thank you!**

 **Lilly: My wonderful Lilly, you continue to be wonderful to me, and I know, I am writing Erwin very differently here. But hey ho, thems the breaks. Alexia always takes a while to get her shit together, despite her own impatience at other people doing so... hypocrite much?**

 **xBeccax: I love reading people's reactions and knowing how invested they get, it seriously thrills me as an author to know I can make an impact. Thank you so much!**

 **To all of you a very Happy New Year and all the best for 2016!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello again readers, and again sorry for the delay, but on with the show.**

 **I cannot believe it's already February like... 0_0 whaaaa?**

 **Anyway! Disclaimer: I don't own AOT**

 **Warnings: From here on in there may/will be aspects of the manga in here, possibly right up to the most recent chapters, I'm not all that good at planning these things because I enjoy finding out what happens as much as everyone else :P but as I've said before, if you're reading fanfiction, really you should be prepared for such spoilers. Anyway, warning applied. And as usual, graphicness etc.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

Me and Time are getting on a bit more, though he does like to tease me at night being the little shit that he is. As soon as I hear the corridors grow quiet and the last of the doors close, I sit back against my wall and listen to the quiet. It was odd how silence could feel so very different in so many different ways. On those nights though I can feel it sort of slide around me, like a big fat slug it drags by and Time rides it on a saddle of insomnia. The bastard laughs at me and winks when I try to read or distract myself.

It doesn't work, and the lantern flickers on.

A couple of times I've had a soft knock from Hanji as she heads from her Lab to her room in the small hours of the morning, drawn over by the sliver of light shown underneath the wooden door. She has little right to have a go at me considering she's not sleeping either, but the sentimentality makes me withhold my retorts as she encourages me to at least attempt sleeping. But the simple fact is, I don't really want to be able to. As soon as I close my eyes I see them; the memories I'm trying to outrun whilst this HQ cements my feet in place. I see the team die, or I watch that slack-jawed surgeon from the MP's hack off my leg, or I see those red painted lips sneering the noose round my freedom is pulled tight.

On the third night I explain this to the concerned Scientist as frankly I can't withhold it anymore. I'm a stubborn git with no sense of self-preservation when it came to acquiring assistance, but even I knew my head was turning to soup. As I finished explaining, I saw those glasses flash as her mind started to form an idea. She disappeared without a word, but thankfully reappeared with gift in hand; small white pills that would send me to sleep. But most of all, a dreamless one.

This woman is a fucking god send.

Apparently I should either not dream at all, or at least not remember the dreams when having woken up. It's good enough for me, and for the first time since being dragged off by those Unicorn fuckwits I sleep properly. I lie down in bed, pop a pill and pull the covers up to my chin as I curl against the pillow. The mattress seems so much softer than before, and the pillow deeper as my head sinks in. My breathing evens out and the noise of my mind hums down to a gentle murmur at most. Hanji stayed with me, calloused hand on my shoulder and her warm voice softly muttering away about her latest experiment. She offered to stop and leave, but in all honesty I was comforted by it. Having someone tucking me in and watching over me as I dozed off felt kinda nice. Not to mention I saw no strategic advantage to it, so the questions of her trustworthiness never really came into it. A small smile graced my lips as the pills gently pulled me under until Dawn rolled by and the morning horns sounded.

My god.

I finally felt a bit more human.

If only a little.

In total it's been five days since I found myself snapping and bolting for that bastard's office. I'd sensed I wasn't all that welcome after that, and so I'd stayed clear of him and anyone particularly fond of him. I could deal with a lot, but the side-glances always wore away at my patience a little too effectively. I avoided them for their own safety in all honesty, I wasn't all that confident in my ability to deny the need to seek some release on the more moronic of the scouting legion. Those that sneered, or whispered as I went by? Were the most moronic of all.

But thankfully they were fairly rare.

A dying breed I'd say.

At least I'd hope.

But of course the passive aggressive prick himself had never actually said anything to me, not a single order or demand. He stayed clear as though afraid, but I knew he was just pissed off. Either his ego was wounded and he needed time to let somebody suck it back to life, or he was trying to figure out how to deal with me in the most efficient way. I hoped I was giving him migraines at least. Yet even without his direct orders, interference or even presence, I knew there were more eyes watching me. I could feel them like bugs crawling over my skin. Each one begging to be flicked off and stomped under boot.

Hanji did her best, bless her, but in truth I just sought solitude more often than not, sharing only minimal conversation and even less one on one time with my fellow cadets. I did the training with those willing to be associated with me, and I'd started doing daily duties as well. It kept me occupied and avoided my mind being allowed to settle on unsavoury notions. I still hadn't had orders and whilst I found it liberating, I also found it frustrating.

Along with getting back into the swing of the military stride, I'd managed to find out how Eren had fared after the Stohess Shebacle. He'd been worn out and frightened about the aftermath, but all in all he seemed okay. Those eyes still appeared innocently bright, if a little darkened round the edges. His teeth flashed into view when we ventured towards the subject of what the Unicorns had been doing with me, but I just waited each time for his rage to subside. It was touching more than worrying. The kid didn't scare me, and I think he found that notion comforting when he saw that I hadn't flinched or even frowned in disapproval. As far as I was concerned he could feel as much hate as he liked, there was plenty to go around after all. But hand-in-hand with his fury, came his conflicting notions of loyalty. As soon as I mentioned the Commander, or hinted at my distaste, that jaw would set like stone and there would be a haze of confusion across that bright gaze. The kid was a loyal soul, but this was two very different sides to an overused coin. I wouldn't pressure him to take my side; it was a lonely one, and more often than not it lingered in the shadows. Eren was meant to be in the light, he was meant to have his comrades around him. I wouldn't condemn him to my melodramatic loneliness. The kid was way too good for that kind of fate, and I'd told him as much, which in the end I think only caused more confliction in his young head.

Whoops.

When it came down to it though, the only person I'd really enjoyed spending time with had been Petra. I knew that… but then again… had I?

I sit on the edge of the roof, on the small wall that went all the way round the top of our little castle, and I look into the pale tea swirling in my chipped cup. A few leaves shift at the bottom as I blow away the steam, and I wonder how much fiction I was piling into that connection. How much had there really been between me and Petra? Was I just shovelling overly affectionate false memories onto her because she wasn't here to refute them; had I really craved connection so much that I would do that? I know it hurt when I realised she had died: but as I stared into blank truth, I had to confess that it was more a case of being angry about being beaten. That some blonde harpy had strolled in and beaten me at my own game.

Was it affection, or hurt pride?

I sigh and sip the tea, I guess I'll never know that for sure.

Whenever I had been speaking to Hanji, or been dragged into her lab for a tar strength cup of coffee, she had inevitably ended up on the subject of my captivity. It grated on my nerves, but I knew she wouldn't be satiated without full disclosure. What had they asked me? What had they done? What did they make me endure? I listed it all off, but we kept stopping and starting as Hanji lost the will to keep writing each time. I offered to take over but she refused, she said I'd already been through it alone once, and that I shouldn't have to do that again. It seemed odd considering she was the one demanding the information. But I think she saw it as a means of helping, of making sure I wasn't bottling it up… at least I think that sounds right. Psychological mumbo-jumbo was never my strong suit. None of the process made much sense to me, but I was willing to humour her. I could tell this recurring sequence was odd, I mean really, she'd spent more time with me than in her lab over the past few days, and that seemed completely out of place.

Then of course whenever she wasn't with me, Levi seemed to appear at her shoulder and I would just smirk when he glanced my way. Yeah, I know she'll be having to report back to you, can't have the mad bitch left unattended right? But what were they looking for? I'd already told them the royals had come to me, maybe Erwin had guessed at the fact he had suddenly been able to get a hold of me without much effort. He was apparently a clever man, so it wouldn't take much for him to deduce my release had really been their doing and therefore had strings attached. Big fuck off gnarled ropes latched onto my throat and spinal cord.

"I should have stayed gone…" I set tea cup down and lean on my knees, looking down at the compound below as cadets go to and fro. "Would that had saved all this, or just let it all happen quicker? I don't really know anymore Petra… any ideas?"

 _I'm not really here. You know that right?_

I turn to her, sat next to me looking all ethereal with that strawberry blonde hair and bright eyes. Mind you, she could have cleaned herself up though god dammit. The bruising blossoms up her throat and clusters over her heart. I'd imagine that everything was ruptured inside that fragile little body right? By the end she'd have been choking on her own blood, drowning in it, but that had been a good while ago now… take a bath for god's sake. Her uniform is a mess of tattered material with questionable staining, and half her straps are snapped and frayed. I was all for the bohemian look, but this was ridiculous.

"Yeah, yeah I get it. But I need to talk to someone, or else I'll really go nuts."

 _Oh honey… I think that just went ahead and soared over the wall and bolted across the plains. Look around you, to the people you trust. Just have the balls to do it again and you'll be fine._

"How the fuck am I meant to trust them when they were the ones who sold me out, who gave me to the MP's and just used me in the end… how the hell am I supposed to—"

 _Oh yeah, Hanji's totally done that._ I look at her and she's shaking her head, smirking in a very unfitting way. Death had made Petra a lot harsher than I remembered her being, or had it allowed her to stop caring about the fact people were worried about what she had to say. Either way I kinda like it. I feel like I corrupted her somehow. At least I'd made an impression I guess…

 _Hanji is dedicated to science and very little else. She went out on a limb for you before, kept your secret when you needed her to. You really think she wasn't reprimanded for that when you were gone? You were tortured, but I don't remember them having that much of a go at your skull, so don't go claiming to be braindead now._

"Petra you're a bit of a bitch now…"

 _Deal with it. Hanji is at least one that you can pretty much guarantee is still trustworthy._

"I've never had a guarantee on anything." I snort, and I feel a cold finger flick my forehead, spreading goosebumps over my face and down my neck. Ew.

 _Cut the melodramatic shit._

"Coming from a ghost clearing PMSing? That's a bit odd."

 _You know this is all in your head, you're just placating yourself till you've gone through the motions and let yourself accept the fact that no, you're not as badass as you liked to think before. You have limits, and you have fears; now accept that and stop talking to an empty space. It's a little more than pathetic._

"What if I fancy being pathetic for a while?" I growl, gripping the stonework and trying to deny the way my eyes get a little warm. That bruising is getting darker, like she's dying all over again. Like I'm failing all over again. I don't remember taking one of those pills…

 _You don't have that luxury sweetheart. You never have. Don't go forgetting that now._

I sigh and nod, the ghost was right, however self-created she was. I put my head in my hands and groan; this would be a lot easier to just get on with if the damned 'Family' would pull the finger out and give me their damned orders. That woman with her red lips, had said to find out information about Erwin, but what did that mean? There had to be more to it than that. There had to be—

"When the boss lady said you were nuts I was inclined to think she'd been exaggerating… but nah… you're clearly more than a couple shots short of a bottle …" the voice crackles from the far side of the roof and whilst I don't recognise it, I don't react except to straighten my posture a little. If the royals had finally sent a messenger boy to me, I was eager to find out what I was meant to do, but I wasn't about to bow down to the pigeon they'd strapped the message to. "Ya gonna at least look at me nut-job? Or do I have to move ya like the puppet ya are?" he laughs and I hear a cigarette being lit up. How the hell had he even got up here?

 _Just talk to the man, it's what you wanted right? To get your orders, and get on with this?_

"Oh just shut up." I grumble, before I look round and find myself surprised.

A scraggly looking man stands with a rather pretentious looking hat pulled down over one eye, and his cigarette hangs loosely from thin smirking lips. His beard needs a trim and his hair seems to be slicked back under that hat, reaching to about his nape in a weird fashion. His clothes are scruffy and his hands leathered; who the hell was this guy, and how had he ended up working for the royals? To call him their usual style would be a far cry from any form of truth. Even for me.

"So, you got some orders for me along with your fascinating observations on my mental state?" I turn properly, but stay seated, not seeing him as anything particularly important. He draws on the cigarette, the end glowing in the dying light of the afternoon. Even his clothing looked weird, like a junky cowboy or something. He's scanning me meticulously, but I just wait for him to finish being either a very unsubtle pervert, or a very slow sleuth.

"Ya really gonna follow those orders, or did ya just say that to get back outta the cell?"

"You really going to keep talking like that?" I snort and he draws on the cigarette again, a low rumbling chuckle burbling in his chest.

"Can't all be royal bastards." He mutters through his smoke.

He strides over and damn is he a lanky fuck. He's got one gun on his hip and I'd imagine a couple blades hidden about his person; judging from the scarring on his face and arms, I'd guess he's more the type to pick a fight and swing a fist than think things through. But then I meet his eyes and I feel my jaw set into place. I knew that kind of look. I knew that stony glare and furrowed brow, I'd only been able to see it now because he was looming over me, blowing smoke in my face as he attempts to intimidate. Now then, who would be either crazy enough, or stubbornly bone headedly arrogant enough to be so bold? Judging from the Shewolf's inability to bend her boner complex and the Captain's mainly unbroken mask of obedient fuckwittery, I'd say this prick was an Ackerman. An old rickety one, but its there, and I feel like I can bloody smell it on him. Well, past the tabacco, liquor and inability to understand the word soap.

"Ackerman right?" I tilt my head and something flashes across those eyes as ash floats away on the breeze. Either I was right, or I was very wrong and had offended the old dear.

"So she told ya about me?"

"Not really, just a guess, but thanks for confirming. So it's a family feud thing tied in there too? Good to know I'm not being involved in people's personal lives all over again…" I sigh and walk past him, ignoring the fact he stood there to block my way. I don't think he likes me. At least that's the impression I'm getting from the knife now situated over my windpipe and the hand holding my wrist up behind my back.

Oh this git was definitely an Ackerman.

A very tall one.

"This has got nothing to do with my last name, got that freak?"

"All right, all right, don't get your long-johns tangled up your ass." I mutter, trying and failing to free my wrist as it starts to get irritatingly uncomfortable. "What're the orders then? Or did you intend the ego trip to keep going till the sun rose again?"

"You're not all that bothered about this knife are ya?" he shifts it against my skin and I can't help the eye roll that slips past my restraint. He growls in my ear and presses it harder to my throat. Like that's going to make a difference you scruffy bear-toad.

"Can't say a potato peeler is all that intimidating after the shit I've been dealing with the past few weeks."

"Aw dear has the nutjob been through the wringer a bit? Better get ya a violin that ya can get to playing eh?" he chuckles and I just sigh heavily.

"What a boring man."

I turn round when I finally wrench my wrist free, and I feel a light cut slice all the way round till the blade is resting halfway up the back of my neck. It makes me shudder, and I feel a few thin trickles of blood escape the cut before it steams shit a moment or two later. However the blade isn't on my nape, instead it's a little above it, so there's no real danger here. Either he was teasing, or he didn't know how to actually kill me. But even so, the cold is sinking into my bones and I know it would only take a flick of that rickety old wrist a couple inches lower, and I'd be staring up blankly whilst the pigeons took a shit on my corpse. But I don't let that realisation show, I just stare him down, boring my dark gaze into those pits of steel. I'd faced off with worse, and worse bore his name.

Who was this guy?

Uncle? Father even?

Then again… If he was the Captain's father than by holy hell in all the golden caterpillar isles, his mother must have been fucking gorgeous, because this man was about as attractive as a skinned up pigs arse. I can practically hear the old weathered cogs clunking round that once quick witted mind; he's trying to figure out if I'm worth the trouble.

It was almost like seeing into the future and watching the Golden Ratsack lose his tenacious cunning. This guy had once been something important, that much was clear in the way he held himself and the way he seemed confused by my lack of respect. His reputation usually preceded him, well unfortunately I had been rather outwith the rule of rumour and reputation for nigh on a decade, and even if I had known who the hell he was, I wouldn't give a shit.

He was no Titan.

He was no set of bars.

He was no chink my armour.

I could take him any day.

I think….

"Are you ever going to get to the point that you _actually_ tell me my orders, or are we going to dance along your ego issues all fucking day. It's already getting late, and it's mystery meat stew tonight. My favourite." I say, before I bare my teeth a little and lick my lips, and for a second he does in fact lean back. And that's when I know he does actually fear the 'freak' in me, even if it's only a little. It unnerves him at least. He doesn't look like he's ever been beyond the walls, so I doubt he's had all that much experience with our rather hungry adversaries.

"You're in an awful hurry."

"And you're really fucking slow. Tell me the orders, and then scurry back down whatever hole you crawled out of." I end up growling a little by the end, and for a second the blade seems to press into my neck a little more, before slowly being retracted and hidden away. I step back, needing air from that stale breath of his, and he takes off his hat to smooth back his greasy hair.

"Boss lady said there was a slight change in plan to what she might've originally led ya to believe. Things'll be moving a bit quicker than anticipated." He replaces his hat and returns it to the obnoxious angle over his eye. I just wait for the showmanship to conclude. "She wants ya, little miss nutjob, to go ahead and kill Smith."

Oh.

Well…. Shit.

"I thought they wanted him watched, not killed?" I snap, half expecting this to be him dicking around with me as some kind of weird power-play. But the grey eyes hold firm and I find myself starting to believe him. Shit. I didn't sign up for this, I was meant to be their little information hound, not a damned assassin. I wanted to kill Smith on my own terms God Dammit, not because they wanted him under the rug.

"Ya suddenly got something against killin' him?"

"Not especially, but why has the timetable sped up so much, what's so damned pressing now that it has to happen so soon? And when do they even want it done?" I press, wondering if I could see a flicker of hesitation, of him not knowing and showing me this was a lie. But this guy was either good at conning, or these were genuine orders. He barely even blinks.

"It's sped up cause' they want it sped up, missy. And in a couple weeks, they'll send a signal of some kind when you're good to go. As to why? None of ya damned business, freak. Just wait on the signal and gather any info ya can during that time. They've got a replacement all set up for him, and one that'll be far more willing to comply with their terms." He explains, looking very proud of himself all over again.

"More willing to comply…" I repeat, looking to the side as I try and figure out what that means. But the way those thin lips pull into another smirk, with just a dash of a sneer, I feel the answer curdle in my gut. "Complying by getting a shit tonne of Scouts killed to allow the regiment to be shut down." I surmise with a click of my tongue.

Now that causes the eyes to flicker. His teeth flash into view and I wonder if he's chewed through his cigarette. Seems I'm right about that assumption, and he doesn't like that I have.

"How the fuck would ya know that?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?" I shrug, "All right, seems legit enough, now can you kindly fuck off before I get accused of sneaking cigarettes up here or something. Smith hardly needs reason to have a go at me these days." I try to move past him but then the blade has returned into view, and it reflects the last few rays of the day into my eyes.

"You really gonna be able to do this, freak?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask, resisting the urge to snap this prick's neck now that he'd given me my information. He smirks, nods, and draws long on his cigarette before blowing the smoke right into my face.

"Because I, and a couple others in the organisation, wonder if you've become a little too fond of the Scouts out here."

"Excuse me?" I challenge, despite the fact my stomach continued to churn with the idea of Eren or Hanji lying in the mud, dead as doornails as they sank into the muck beneath. His eyes scan me again, and I feel like they're going to go right through me.

"Like you've gone soft or something. The Family think you're good for this because of what Smith did, I think they're assuming wrong. I think you've gone soft all over, like a body in a river."

"I ain't the one sagging off my skeleton Gramps." I push the blade away and square up my shoulders, pushing the cold sensation away from my nerves whilst I try and get rid of him. His eyes tighten but I'm not sure if it's in suspicion or acceptance. "Smith did plenty to me in the first few days of capturing me, and that alone made me want to rip his fucking head off. Since then? He's only piled the shit up and up."

"Yeah?"

"I'll kill him all right. You and the 'Family' can be damned sure of that."

"Yeah, yeah… we'll see. Ya fuck this up though, missy? And it's me ya'll be dealing with, and trust me freak, _I_ don't get sentimental just because you've got a nice wrack." He snorts, eyes slithering all over me before he dips his hat and turns to leave. I watch him strut away, stride far too wide for his build.

Was he actually making a reference to the Captain?

But that didn't make any sense did it?

Levi hadn't got sentimental, he'd followed orders.

 _Oh my god you're still going on about that!? The man clearly wasn't doing anything of the sort when he pinned you to the ground and fuc—_

"Why are you still here?!" I snap, turning and glaring at the spectre, who just shakes her head at me with that patronising look. God dammit Petra, I know you're all wisened from crossing over, but some of us are still struggling with life here. "Stop looking at me like that, either be helpful or fuck off…"

 _You don't really mean that. Plus I am being helpful, I'm pointing out the blatantly obvious answer to your most pressing concern. Did Levi actually give a damn, or was it all fabricated to keep you in line? He gives a damn, he gives a lot of damns._

"So why is it so obvious to you?" I huff and head back over to the wall to pick up the tea-cup, the dregs of which are stone cold by now.

 _I know it, because you do, deep down in that mess of a head of yours._

I glance up as a couple birds fly over and I just hear the spectre laugh in my ear.

Apparently I was a dumbass.

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

She's talking to herself again. Sat there alone, sipping tea and talking to that damn ghost on her shoulder. I've started to lose count of how many times I've found her doing this. Thankfully she doesn't seem to notice when I'm keeping an eye on her, because in all honesty it would only further the idea in her head that I was only here to watch her for Erwin. At least I think that's the problem; I'm assuming those MP bastards convinced her I'm just his dog, faithful and having only used her for his means.

Pricks couldn't be further from the truth.

I've tried to avoid this, I've even tried to forget everything that happened, but for some reason I can't. Okay scratch that you damned moronic bastard, you know the reason. Don't deny it like a coward. I lean against the wall, well-hidden but within earshot as she rambles on. How far had her head actually slipped away? I had seriously gotten in too deep with this woman, and unfortunately for the both of us, there seemed to be no way back out again. In my head I don't really know what I bloody want anymore; one part of me wants her to stay and serve here, to make a difference like I know she wants to. Another part wants her to succeed in becoming free again, to know she was living out there safe and free. And another part just paces about not knowing what the hell to think or root for; he's an annoying bastard.

Yet that idea of her being out there alone, free and happy… it seems to become more impossible with every flinch, and ever random comment to an empty room. It was like we'd taken her in, broken her down, built her up and then hollowed her out. Alexia Senefold was a tough soul, but no matter how hardened you are against this world, it eventually finds a way of cracking you open, and bleeding you dry. It always did.

I scrape my hair back and try to think logically, try to return to her Captain instead of her strange stalker.

What the hell could I do to help her?

What could I do to return to—

My thoughts are interrupted.

I know that voice, and I feel cold to pit of my gut hearing it here in my HQ. Under my nose, and near my subordinates. But not only that, he was talking to her. He was near her, and probably touching her. I feel sick. Why the hell was he here? And what business did he have with my Senefold?

Shit… with Senefold.

She didn't belong to me, and she never would.

I grit my teeth and edge closer, I had to know what the hell was going on, otherwise there was no fucking chance of helping her. Or stopping her digging her own grave. This would get messy really quickly if she didn't step carefully, he was a man who liked to watch people hurt, especially when they looked unbreakable.

I listen as best I can, and deny myself the temptation to peer round and see what's going on. Kenny had sharp eyes at all times, I wouldn't risk him spotting me and hurting her as a means of escape. But why was that old git even here? And why was he supposedly working for the royals? This made no sense to me as they talk of orders and such. Soon enough I feel a damn headache brewing behind my eyes. Long gone are the simple days of me hating everyone and just ploughing through the world day after day.

Why did I have to go and start caring again?

And then I hear it. They want her to kill Erwin, and they want it to happen in a few short weeks. I swallow hard and force myself to keep listening, gripping the wall behind me as I stamp down the old habit of needing to protect the righteous Commander with everything I had. They wanted him dead, and they wanted Alexia to do it. They had a replacement? My head begins to spin, and as I hear her summarise that plan of theirs, of the shutting down of the regiment I feel myself lose a little more grip on reason. No. They couldn't fucking do that, otherwise none of this had meant anything. None of those fallen comrades, none of the pain, the fight, the endurance. It would all fade from memory and become nothing more than hearsay.

Shit.

If they do that then I'll start regretting.

I can't do that. I just can't.

A few minutes later it's just her voice again, and whilst I would love to chase him down and make that grizzled git talk, I stay put. She keeps jabbering away to Petra and I know she'll remain there a few minutes more whilst the last light of day fades. I head inside and go straight for Glasses lab, she was the only one I knew who I could discuss this with. If I told Erwin that Kenny the Ripper had been in his base, the Commander would flip out and demand patrols be sent after him. The righteous idiot wouldn't even consider the consequences to Senefold for that kind of move. Or perhaps he would, and just wouldn't care.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, and bite down on my tongue hard. Stop thinking like her, just go back to how you used to think. He's not all bad, just a good percentage of bastard.

Keep it in perspective.

Keep it together.

As I approach the door I slow down with each step, eventually I'm stood holding my hand a few centimetres away from the wood. I stare at it, my mind a mess of noise and annoying uncertainty. What the hell was I going to do? Every single time I had an uncertainty about Alexia was I going to go running to Glasses about it? The hell was wrong with me? I step back and make myself look occupied as some brats go scuttling past. The lanterns are being lit now, the last of the day dipping below the treeline and then the wall far beyond.

I had to just go talk to her didn't I?

God dammit I'm a moron sometimes.

And yet my feet refuse to move in the direction of the roof, my chest feeling tightened and mind uneasy. I shake my head at the coward I'd let myself become and decide this could wait till morning. This could all wait till morning after some sleep, and a decent amount of Scotch to boot.

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

It's a night when I can't quite bring myself to take a pill and seek the solace of a dreamless sleep. It doesn't seem right somehow. Which in itself makes my head hurt because why was I bothered at all, I'd been imagining how to kill that Sun infused ass-crack for weeks if not months by now. So why was my heart so heavy?

I wandered around for a good while, skipping dinner and avoiding all other living souls as best I could. Even Petra buggered off. But as soon as she had faded, I knew I needed to make that loss a permanent thing. It was true enough what she had said, I didn't have the luxury of allowing myself these pathetic tendencies. Best to put them to bed before they became set in stubborn stone.

It takes a while to gather the necessary courage, but eventually I come to sit down on the cold grass, and I nod to her. The grave was small, little set of posts put into what I think is meant to be a cross. Why that shape? I don't understand it, but the little bits of writing outlining Petra's full name and rank only confuse me further. Why hadn't she been taken to her family's resting place? Or did they not have one anymore? I glance to the horizon and consider the fact it was probably somewhere in Maria, overgrown by now, with wild flowers shifting in and out of bloom as the wind rose and fell. The grey sky above gets paler, and the long night is finally giving way to dawn. The snows would come in a couple weeks, if not sooner. Then this post would be buried by frost and fallen flakes. I lay a hand against the uneven dirt that had its first few flickers of grass already. She wouldn't even look like her anymore, and yet I feel my heart ache all over again.

Humans were messy; but I was starting to realise I was the messiest of all.

"So Senefold… you gonna do it?" the voice rumbles over at me and I just glance his way without so much as a flinch. "Are you going to kill Erwin?"

Those grey eyes pierce right into me and I feel the ache give way to a new kind of tension that fills my entire body. It was the first time he'd spoken to me since the office incident, and now it seems he had heard everything between me and Kenny.

Well… shit.

Turns out I wasn't such a great Ninja after all.

"Got a couple weeks to decide, don't I?" I raise a brow and he shrugs, taking a couple more steps towards me. I lean back a little, wondering if he's going to save everyone the trouble and just slice my nape open right here and now. But he remains a few steps away, eyes shifted to the grave and tightened when seeing whose it was.

"How she doing?" he asks quietly, eyes not moving from the scrawled writing along the wooden posts.

Is he asking me or her?

I shake my head and click my tongue, he doesn't look at me even then.

"Yeah, yeah laugh at the nutjob…"

"We've all got ghosts Senefold. I just wanted to know how hers was doing." He mutters and I feel something soft bump my shoulder. I look down and see a cape puddled on the dewy grass. I'm about to refuse it when a shiver runs through me, I just tug it on and pull my knees into my chest.

"So how're Isabel and Farlan doing then?" I mainly ask because I've started to doubt they ever fucking existed. That it was some story he threw into the mix to mess with my head and convince me he could be human. He was just a puppet right? His strings made of metal and blood. That was what they had told me. That was what they had burned into my brain.

"None of your damn business, brat." He says, but when I look up I see the faint idea of a smirk on his lips before it quickly disappears again. "I just wanted to point out it doesn't make you crazy."

"Just because it's supposedly the same with you, doesn't mean I ain't crazy Captain. All that means is this regiment is more askew than previously thought."

"Supposedly?" he repeats and I see the grimace as he looks away from the grave at last and sets those eyes on me. I can read them in that moment, and I can see patience is running out. "Look… I can see you burying yourself in this deluded bubble they wrapped you in, and I just felt like lending a hand to avoid it. Maybe even pull you out. I wanted to help, fucking deal with it."

I shudder, remembering that ride across the plains as we outran Titans, heading for the wall with so much eagerness. He had wanted to protect me, and he told me to fucking deal with it when I tried to deny the sentiment. Surely no one would manage to maintain a con in those conditions? The steaming jaws of the enemy bearing down, hollow roars grunted from them as they lumbered after us with that endless hunger.

Surely that would have broken the façade… if it was one.

My head starts to hurt again.

"You keep this up and you'll just turn yourself into a tally mark." He whispers through gritted teeth. I watch that jaw flex and tighten, that throat clenched with unsaid words and those hands are in such tight fists I wonder if he's cutting into his palms.

Did he have grooves there by now?

I wonder…

"In the end that's what we all are. Just some of us aren't scratched into memory…" I breathe, it coming out in a small puff of steam that fades to nothing a second later.

If I wasn't going to allow myself the luxury of being pathetic, I had to try and grapple with my old brazen ways. With the woman so sure of herself she was an ass and not afraid to show it. She feels like another lifetime.

I reach out and tug on his sleeve. He moves with the pulling despite the fact he could have easily resisted it, so presumably this was okay, or he was about to take advantage and get the kill over with. I swallow and move his fist towards me, feeling his skin under my touch again was odd, and as usual his skin feels a little cold. I think I feel a shiver run through him, and a couple goosebumps turn up just above his wrist. I slowly peel back the calloused fingers until I can see the pale and worn palm. There's small white marks where his nails had dug in, curved tally marks all on their own, that slowly fade as though never there. But not completely. I go onto my knees and run a finger over the faint marks, and indeed there's the slightest of indentations there.

A man who was just following orders had nothing to suppress, had no independent thought to withhold and cling onto patience for.

A man just following orders had no trace of his own thoughts.

A man just following orders would only bear the marks of battle, not of inner turmoil.

These were the marks of a man just trying to make the best of a situation.

That wasn't something easily faked, and not something that could be put into place so convincingly. These are indents that had been built up over years of withholding remarks, biting back retorts and grappling with the urge to strangle the blonde Caterpillar Lord. I swallow again, not trusting the way my tongue brims with questions, doubts and the need to be assured. I'd never needed assurance out there in the wilderness, I'd never needed someone to comfort my pathetic doubts when the wind howled and snow cut of my supply route. I'd never sought solace in the arms of another when the screams of a dying soldier from below kept echoing round my head like a ricocheted blade fracturing against a broken branch.

And yet now I felt like I did.

Now I feel very much alone.

"Just fucking ask." He says and I hear that edge to his voice, like a razor sticking in his throat. I grit my teeth and let go of his hand.

"Were you following orders or not?"

"What?" he kneels down and stares right at me, nothing but open confusion burning in those bright grey eyes. "When do you mean?" his voice is barely above a whisper, and I feel our own bubble wrap around us in the pale morning light.

Shit don't do this to me Levi. Not again.

I grit my teeth a bit and tangle my fingers in the cold grass.

"When you came after me, when you took me to that hideout, when you… when you fucked me. Was it all just to get me back inside the pen?"

"Is that seriously what they told you?" his eyes narrow and seem to search my face, as though I might be joking. I set my jaw tighter and nod, and at first he looks like he might laugh, or at least snort in derision. But then it passes and he looks to the side, shaking his head a bit, the dark hair shifting with the movement.

"That isn't an answer, Captain." I breathe, trying my best to not think back to that moment in my home. That sudden change in tone, the hungry kiss pressed up against the harsh bark of the tree. The way my hands latched on and felt his undercut tickle. Even now I had no idea how he had unearthed that side to my nature, and even now in the chill of the morning, with uncertainty weighing down on me like those damn slabs of wood, I remember how I'd felt the un-deniability of his want of me. But it had made so much more sense when those words slipped past red painted lips, words of conviction outlining the fact Levi had only been doing as bid. Only following his Alpha's command.

Slowly he turns back to me, and I'm held under that look like he's pinning me down all over again. Am I even breathing right now? I'm not sure this counts as not being pathetic in all honesty.

"The second I left the wagons I was going against orders, he ordered me to stay."

"So he did want me dead…" I murmur, and Levi shrugs.

"He just wasn't willing to risk anything else for your sake. But from that fucking moment to when I knew I couldn't get you out without risking losing you forever, I was refusing to comply. It's the longest I'd gone against orders since the day I made my ghosts." He says quietly, there's no edge there now, just defeated admittance.

I just stare at him for a few moments.

A bird starts chirping far off, and I can hear the clatter of the first patrol heading out around the HQ grounds. Soon enough the kitchens would be waking up and then the day would really kick into gear, but here it wouldn't be touched. The only difference made in the graveyard is when the sun starts to peek over the surrounding woodland, and a gentle layer of mist starts to roll by.

"The hell do I do to convince you?" he says, eyes not leaving mine as he searches for the answer. And then I consider the fact he had been there, watching on the roof, or at least listening. He had been sticking close by all this time hadn't he? Only now I can't automatically assume it was to keep an eye on me for the sake of Golden Boy. Right now I have no idea why he was following me.

Right now I have the dangerous idea that it was because he gave a damn.

Perhaps because he even cared.

Holy shit I'm playing with fire all over again.

"You can't." I reply, and something flickers in those grey fragments and I wonder if its disappointment or anger. Or perhaps even a little bit of both. But I just draw a deep breath and smirk at him. "You just have to depend on my convincing of myself."

"And how long is that going to take?"

"As long as it takes, Captain." I respond and watch the challenge behind his eyes, but that ghost of a smirk reappears as well.

The tension was leaving, sifting along with the mist. I still didn't trust him, and my instincts were telling me to drive a crystal into his eye and run for the fucking hills. But I deny them for now, if I was going to do this, any of this, I was going to go balls deep and see where it lead. This rabbit hole needed exploring, and my curiosity had already lead to too much trouble to turn back now.

"All right… I'll be patient then."

"Believe that when I see it." I snort again and he stands, allowing me some reprieve from that unforgiving look. I glance at the grave and feel the odd sensation of a string untying, loosening and dropping away. Perhaps I was starting to become a real girl again.

"So then Senefold…" he clears his throat. "Alexia. You going to do it or not?" he repeats the question as a little more light filters into the compound. I glance behind him, watching the smoke rise from the chimneys and then I get to my feet, eventually looking at him and shrugging once more.

"Guess that's something else you'll have to be patient about."

* * *

 **I hope it was still worth the wait, and I hope to see you next time, you're all awesome for sticking with me!**

 **Shoutouts Below!**

 **XBeccaX: I really do love your reviews, thank you so much for taking the time to make them so long and detailed, its really wonderful to see such a breakdown of what you've enjoyed/been affected by. It's truly wonderful to read, as a writer its a major confidence boost. I'm glad you liked the crystal ability, I was unsure of it, but I just wanted to highlight the fact she can sometimes become more beast than human... at least that was how it started haha! Anyway, thank you so very much!**

 **AnimeGoddess644: I am glad you're still hooked, but I really am sorry about the length of time between updates, I really am. Trust me that I get as frustrated as you do. :( hope it doesn't get to the point that you give up!**

 **DarkAngelnyxx: Carry on, teach him a lesson haha.**

 **UmberonGurl: Thank you so much, and I fricking love your analogy! Sorry if this counted as too long... awkward!**

 **WolfGirl2112: I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'm also glad you're liking the character development, I'm enjoying writing her, messed up woman that she is!**

 **Guest (Secretwish): As per usual you are too kind and way too complimentary, but thank you very much. It's so wonderful to know you still enjoy reading my work this much, and I'm glad you find something to aspire to, that's a major goal for me as a writer. So thank you, sincerely, thank you!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Bonjour, hello, how ya doing? Once again I make apologies, and once again I'm sure you're pissed off at how long its been. Writers block is a snot nosed little bugger who needs his nose shoved into his skull. That's all I'm gonna say on the matter, and now swiftly moving on!**

 **Hope it's worth the wait, thank you for reading!**

 **Dislcaimer: I do not own AOT only Alexia and her mixing metaphors.**

 **Note: As usual strong language etc. as well as possible manga content so ye been warned and let's get on with this!**

* * *

In the grand scheme of things I was nothing but a small dimple in the arse-cheek of the universe. If I was even that. Maybe I was just the fluff inside the dimple? Or a pore collecting fluff? I shake my head and lie back as I wait for my turn. It was a training day, and whilst everyone was doing very well to play it casual towards me, they really weren't doing all that well when it came to keeping an eye on me with any semblance of subtlety. And they were crap at not blushing when I met their staring eyes and flipped the bird. Armatures. _He_ stands there at his window, gold crested little shit-winged bastard that he is, and I lie there staring up at the few clouds skirting by. The world was turning colder by the day, I wondered when the snows might actually hit.

"Senefold, you're up!" barks the Captain, and I enter the ring, no one else does though.

Levi rolls his eyes and barks out a name I neither recognise nor take note of; it was just a walking set of uniform, starched till it was able to walk about of its own free will. I had to start thinking of them like that, as though the blood that would eventually gush from that flesh was just spilled tomatoes being crushed. It did look very nervous for a pile of laundry though.

The bell sounds and I throw myself into action, I wasn't the best at hand-to-hand, I had already accepted that despite my gradual improvement. But this was something else entirely. I lower my foot and look down at the kneeling huddle of whimpers, and then I look around with a raised brow, but no one else seems surprised, in fact they just lean back when I look at them. Had I suddenly become a ninja master and no one had told me?

Oh right.

It just folded itself up instead of being faced with me.

Fair enough.

"Get up, cadet!" barks Levi, and the laundry does as told, shaking as though caught in the wind whilst left on the line. I take a couple steps back and then lunge again, once more causing an instant crumpling and need for refolding.

"Okay I know I ain't the prettiest but come the hell on!" I groan throwing my arms up, and at the sudden movement they all flinch. My patience, what little was left of it, gives a _twang_ and suddenly I'm lunging at them all, baring my teeth and occasionally stooping to the level of saying 'boo'. It's like watching rats meet the sunlight for the first time.

Dammit now I'm mixing metaphors.

"Line up right now you damned brats, or you'll be on cleaning-duty for so long you'll die with a mop in your hands." Growls Levi, barely above speaking level, and yet suddenly everything is neatly stacked and starched by the side of the training pen. I decided laundry made more sense, rats are very hard to actually make stand still, trust me I've tried. Well… with squirrels. Perhaps rats were more open to the idea of formal line making. "Senefold!"

Oh shit.

I turn to the Captain and blink, and he just stares back at me. Silence sidles into the pen and has a strut around the place, winking and cat calling a couple people before meandering off again when the Captain clicks his tongue and accepts that he has to repeat himself.

"You're not going to Shift if one of them lands a hit on you, are you?" he says slowly, raising a brow at me and then nodding towards the trembling uniforms. I shake my head and look at them each in turn, not entirely sure what my expression is beyond the fact I'm trying not to laugh my ass off in their blurred and unmemorable faces.

"Why the hell would I waste the energy doing that?" I retort with a shake of my head, but the Captain sighs and clicks his tongue again.

"No, Senefold, you're not going to shift because you're under _orders_ not to. And you don't want to hurt them." He corrects pointedly, and I shrug with a nod.

"Yeah, that's what I said." I lean against the fencing around the pen and blow my hair from my face. Silence threatens another walkabout when I groan and slowly cast my unfocused gaze over them again, trying maintain a normal expression of stoic boredom, or whatever it was the Captain aimed for day in and day out. "Look… I _have_ to train with you, in order to prove to the Golden Hawk Wannabe currently staring down from his ivory tower, that I'm still able to follow orders and be a good little toy soldier." I nod back towards the window, a couple eyes shifting to look as well and blushing afterwards.

Yup, he was still there.

Only now he had probably ducked behind his drapes. With any luck he'd trip and strangle himself before snapping the whole railing off and braining himself off the desk; to be later found in the comprising position of face forward on the carpet quill protruding from between his arse cheeks, feather side up.

"For fuck's sake Senefold, stop day dreaming!" snaps Levi and I shake my head to clear the rather intriguing image. I really needed to stop letting my imagination have so much run around room; the bugger was getting distracting now. "Now then, begin again, and if any of you cadets feel like chickening out you'll be dealing with me. And I don't need a damned Titan form to make you piss yourself."

"Oh no you just need to…" my joke dies in my throat as he gives me a cold look. Right. Do the job and get the fuck out of there. Gotcha Twinkle Toes. I walk back and take up my stance again, hear the bell and once more enter the rather limited, but apparently important, fray.

It doesn't take long before I land on my ass in the dirt, and it takes even less time for the rest of the cadets to have retreated a couple metres just in case. There was another _twang_ in the air and away the Captain marched, his laundry in hand as he started sending them off to mop, scrub and dust till the very dirt of the compound itself was spotless.

I remain sat there in said muck, and look back to the sky with a small whistle. I did the training, that couldn't be denied, and I wasn't causing problems, that couldn't be denied either. Problem was I also hadn't made up my mind. I wanted Smith dead, of course I did, I wanted him to be slightly immortal so I could kill him over and over and over and over and over and over… that much was a certainty.

But the fact was I wanted to kill him because _I_ wanted to.

Not because of some super-duper secret conspiracy theory that had about as much to do with me as a Titan's arse-crack.

"If they don't digest and shit anything… why the hell do they have arse-cracks?" I murmur to myself, and I find someone sat next to me within the next two seconds. I swear Hanji was a ninja in a past life, or last week sometime. She grins, and I know I'll regret that unaimed question soon enough.

"That is a _very_ good question!"

"Thanks love, give me a badge and fuck off." I sigh and hang my head, but as I hear her rev-up for a rant off, there's a far off cry for 'Squad Leader' and she gives a small whimpering pout. Thank you loud speaking laundry, I owe you a debt of pristine ironing.

"Dammit… I guess I'll see you at dinner Alexia, be good all right?"

"Always try Hanji, I always try." I wave her off and get to my feet.

I'd already done stable duty, and my quarters couldn't be any cleaner if the dusting fairy himself had a go at them. So really I'm at a loose end and that never went well. Me and boredom had a bad relationship, that never ended in anything not being broken. I start whistling and head towards the gear store, wondering if I could at least be allowed to go for an obstacle run just to blow off some steam. Though considering everyone's paranoia I probably shouldn't use that turn of phrasing, they might actually wet themselves. But still the sentiment applied, I needed distraction. It seemed all I got to do these days was think, think, think. And I was starting to get a hole in my temples from rubbing them so much, intellectual lingering wasn't my strong suit.

But I had to figure it out. I had to turn it around.

Confusion into clarity.

Indecision into action.

Erwin into a corpse.

Chains into freedom.

But still I found it sticking in my throat, the fact that I was doing it on someone else's orders. And not only that, but they had been delivered by some gravel voiced old bastard who seemed to think he was God's gift to conspiracies. Old fart needed a toothbrush and a lesson in barberry. And another thing god dammit, how was he related to my Captain? I stop short, halting so fast I nearly topple right over. _My_ Captain? I shudder and wretch a little. The Captain. That's right. The. Not _my._ Keep it together Senefold and put the damned diary to the side, with all those scribbled love hearts torn off the pages please. Now.

"You all right there Alex?" says a kind voice, and I spin round with far too much effort put into my smile. Eren even flinches. Damn, I really did look like a troll today didn't I? A dementedly happy and totally sane troll. "Um… seriously, you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, kid I'm fine… just caught me off in a daydream that's all." I wave my hands but he doesn't look all that convinced. Where had my talent for lying gone? "So, what're you up to?" I tilt my head and rock on my heels, glad to be distracted from the damn merry-go-round that was my train of thought at the moment. Eren shrugged.

"I was just finishing up actually, duties are pretty much kept on top of at the moment thanks to inactivity, but I bet it'll pick up soon. We'll have a mission in the next week I'll bet." He says, and I see that small hint of pride appear. "Y'know, before the snows start to set in." he shrugs again, and I nod along.

That made sense, I had never seen the Scouts be stupid enough to venture out into the wilderness when there was snow to slow them down. Not that the Titan's came out then either, clever bastards stayed well away when the world started looking old.

"I wonder if I'll be joining, or staying behind in chains…" I didn't even really mean for the kid to hear me, but he did, of course he did, he's standing right there and now staring at me with a mix of pity and outright awkward panic. What the hell do you say to that? I'm the idiot who blurted it out, and I don't even know how to respond. I clear my throat and ruffle my hair up a bit, for want of something to do other than dig a hole to hide in. "Sorry Eren, morbid thoughts." I laugh gently, and he slowly nods, glancing out over the trees for a moment before back at me with those undeniable eyes. Dammit they were like honesty incarnate, it was unnerving.

"It's all right Alex… I get it. I know how it feels to have them look at you like you're some kind of faulty rifle waiting to go off." He scuffs the ground with his shoe and clicks his tongue, and I wonder if he had always done that, or if it was the Little Guy's doing.

"Yeah… and at your age you really shouldn't."

"There are worse things." He glances to the trees again.

"They don't still look at you like that right? Not after you helped take down the blonde bitch?"

"Well…" he murmurs as he looks round and clears his throat. "I guess not as much… but I think that might have more to do with you, than my efforts in Stohess."

The blush that appears answers my unvoiced question of what the heck he meant by that statement. I glance around as well and note the cadets mulling around in small groups chatting, laughing, enjoying life before they ended up like jam against a random tree-trunk somewhere in the plains. It was such a small bubble of life on this compound, and it was easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. It kind of helped me deal with the fact they were all treating me as if I had been the blonde one ruthelessly tearing them apart. I nod and look back to him with a weary smile.

"I guess I'm the worse of two evils?" I smirk and look back at him, finding the blush to have deepened to an intriguing shade of reddish pink that I really couldn't pinpoint. "Don't worry about it, Eren. I'd much rather they treated me like the faulty rifle than you."

"Why? Seems you're way too kind to me." He says, and I just shake my head at him.

"Kid… you actually want to be here, you want to help Humanity. Whilst me? I'd be content with it stopping taking a shit on my doorstep."

He laughs.

He actually laughs.

I watch the smile break over his face, and his hair shifts as his head bobs about. For those few moments he actually does look like a kid, without all the pressure and responsibility, without the fact he was a monster in so many people's eyes, and a vital saviour in everyone else's. Dammit he was kinda adorable when he did that, I was tempted to squeeze his cheek and call him sonny. I then shake my head and wonder when I turned into a toothless Grandmother.

"I don't think I'll ever understand you Alex… I really don't." he chuckles and runs a hand through those wayward brown locks. I smirk again and look around at the wandering laundry.

"That's probably for the best Eren, at least for your sanity's sake."

* * *

Later that evening, when the sweet reprieve of my kinda comfy bed was calling my name from behind my too-thin door, suddenly we were called to the Chosen One's office. I looked up, but no patience was granted to this pitiful soul of mine, and so I went in and just stayed at the back, determined to remain unnoticed. It didn't work of course, Levi just nudged me to the front and gave an unforgiving look when I tried to shuffle back. Once everyone was gathered, and the door was closed, the Commanding Dickwad stood from his chair and nodded to everyone.

"I've asked you all here to discuss the upcoming mission. I apologise for the lack of notice, but things have been set in motion that have rather called for a tightening of information." He paces a little as he talks, and I wonder if he's managed to form a trench behind that desk yet. General murmurs go through the room, but no one speaks above that, they're eager to know where they might die next.

"Do you mean this is something to do with what happened after Stohess, sir? With the MP's and… Senefold." The blonde kid called Armin gets a little flustered when I look his way, but I give a faint smile to calm him down. I had nothing against him after all, and I don't want him pissing himself. He nods in thanks, and looks back to the Commander. In all honesty I'm impressed that he questioned Golden Boy, but then again he does look like a miniature version; secret son, or actually a doll that came out from inside the Golden Nut of the military's undercarriage?

Imagination shut it, I'm trying to listen.

"Yes it is, Artlet. I'm sorry to have kept you all in the dark, however it's been necessary."

"Oh c'mon Commander, you never share much anyway!" laughs Hanji a little too loudly, her glasses flashing when she stops throwing her head back. I smirk, she was pretty pissed with her leader wasn't she. It was a nice sentiment, I just hoped it didn't get her into real trouble, I wasn't worth that. Erwin just kind of looks at her in a bored manner, before he clears his throat and continues as if she hadn't spoken.

"It appears that the Royals are taking rather more interest in our doings, and so we are having to quicken the timeframe for our goal of retaking Maria." He explains, and I see the question bubble up in Armin's head before spilling off his young tongue.

"But sir, it'll be the snowy season soon, we can't—"

"The Titans make little progress themselves once the snows set in, by laying groundwork before the snows, we can hit the ground running once Spring comes around. And by being able to provide a successful report by doing so we might buy ourselves some time, and allow more breathing room for all concerned." And then he carries on into some fascinating garble about technicalities and supplies, formation and technique, squads and casualty expectations.

And then me.

I do a double-take and look at everyone who in turn is looking at me, all except Eren. His green eyes, usually so intent and watchful, are cast to the floor in what I can only read as shame. For some reason that makes me feel very angry indeed.

"Senefold you will lead the attack if we come across a cluster of Titans, but only then. Your main task, will be helping us seal up the hole in Wall Maria with your Crystal abilities." He says with a firm nod, never quite meeting my eyes as he makes this demand of me.

I tilt my head and watch him for a while, no one is speaking, but I can feel the gaze of _the_ Captain burning into the back of my head. He still doesn't know if I'm planning on following the royal's orders, and quite frankly I still don't either. Perhaps the big open plains will help me think, or having a couple swords strapped to my sides might aid in my decision making. Out on a mission anything can happen, anyone can die out there.

"I was wondering if you were gonna take me or not, good to know I can still be of use to the Scouts." I nod and look forward again, the levels of confusion and surprise rising to the roof of the room. I hadn't kicked off, hadn't challenged him, I hadn't even called him a weird name. Yup, I'm as confused as they are, but right now, I just can't get enough of the idea of being out under that big open sky again and feeling myself breathe again.

"You're part of this regiment, Senefold. You'll act as such." He adds a suitably 'threatening' glare, and I wink back, ignoring the way the depths of his eyes burst into angry flames of big scary commander-pants. After what those MP's did, what does he seriously think he could do to me?

"We done?" I ask when the silence starts its strut again.

"Prepare to move out in two days time." He says to the room and then nods, shuffling feet sound and gradually we all escape and head our separate ways.

I head for my room, but know I'm not alone, there's a set of steps behind me. I hope they're Eren's, I need to know what that look of shame was all about. I open my door and turn with a smirk, ready to welcome the kid inside for a chat. But then I see Levi and I just blink in outright confusion. He looks up and down the corridor to ensure he's unseen in such terrible company, then steps inside to lock the door behind him before leaning against it and folding his arms across his chest. Whatever it was, apparently it was serious.

It wasn't who I expected, but it's better than an over-talkative Hanji or tantrum throwing Golden Boy. I sit on my bed and kick off my boots, cross my legs and lean back against the wall. Still he doesn't speak. I crack each finger in turn and then my shoulders, I twist so my spine pops all the way up, and then I twist back so it snaps all the way down. Still nothing.

This had very quickly god boring.

"Well… as intriguing as your brooding stare _is_ Captain? I'm kinda tired of today, so I'd like to sleep and pretend I care about getting up in the morning." I raise my brows and tilt my head, meeting that oh-so-steely gaze and wondering if he was actually thinking something, or if he had suffered a stroke when I wasn't looking. "Captain seriously I—"

"Are you doing it or not, Senefold? It's already been a week, but still you've not told me a damned thing." He sets his jaw but otherwise doesn't move. It seemed that he was set upon this, and so really I have no other choice but than to confide in him. I'd tried lying before, but unfortunately the bastard had gotten pretty good at reading me at some point. I wasn't sure how, but no matter how hard I tried, he seemed to see right through my bullshit. It was a disadvantage that irked me greatly, indeedy doo, I was irked.

"I don't know." I say finally, and his eyes flicker as he sees no sign of a lie. "I have it running round in my head like a little Commander themed nursery rhyme, and each time it concludes I come up empty. So as I said, I don't know."

"It's a simple enough decision." He says quietly and I get up on my knees, the nearest thing to squaring up I'm prepared to bother with at this point. His brow arches in challenge. "What's that look for? What's so damned difficult about it?"

"I want him dead, but I want it on my terms." I explain coldly, and a smirk spreads over those pale lips of his. I want to tear them right off then and there, but instead I just sink back and lean against the wall, the cool of the stone calming me down a little. "The hell is the smirk about?"

"So it's not the decision that's making smoke come out of your ears, it's your pride. Wow… never thought that'd be the case with you."

"Why not? I get that my dignity might be in fucking tatters, but that doesn't mean my pride is." I say with a shrug, and I hear a low down chuckle. It's such a weird noise coming from him that I can't help but stare.

"All that experience… all that fight… and you can still just be a run-of-the-mill idiot." He shakes his head and paces the room, eyes lingering on the outside world before swivelling back to me.

"Why do you want him dead?" I ask, and he grimaces at me, shaking his head more.

"I don't."

"Then why are you even asking, why not persuade me against it from the start?!" I demand, standing up and shoving him back. Another _twang_ having sounded in my head at this man and his unreadable ways. "Why all the games?"

"If I tried to convince you not to kill him, for all I fucking know those reasons would make you want to do it!" he yells back, shoving as well, but whilst I bared budged him, I'm flung back onto the mattress with a huff. "I won't sway you like that. This is on your head."

"You really think of me as that petty?"

"You're the one bitching over _why_ you're killing the man you claim to hate so much. Some bullshit reasoning about the principle of the matter, at the end of the day you either slit his throat or you don't." he says and then straightens up again, brushing himself down and going to lean on the window. He sighs, resting his head against the glass and breathing out to cause a patch of fog. I watch as it melts back into oblivion and I just stare at this ridiculous man before me.

"So you don't want him dead, but you can so easily talk about his throat being slit? I call bullshit Levi." I say with a slight chuckle, and another patch of fog appears as he waits for me to continue. "You want him dead. You don't _really_ know if he should be allowed to live."

"No that isn't it, I know he should. He should live." He retorts, and I feel a flash of anger pass over my eyes. Which in turn furrows his brow. "For all his many, many faults, he's a damned sight better than any of the other options for leading this place. Shitty-Glasses would be the absolute best other option, and frankly I don't have enough Scotch in my room to really try and envisage that."

"You seriously think those pigs would let a woman be in charge?" I laugh loudly and consider the look on any of their faces. None are very pretty. "Unless there was out-right panic and _no_ other option at the time? No way in hell."

He slams his fist against the window-sill.

I'll admit that it made me jump.

"So you really want the Scouts all dead?" he whispers between his teeth, gripping the wood till I hear it creak a little. "You want me dead, Hanji dead, Eren dead?" he demands, turning from the window and marching over, looming a little.

It probably wasn't often he got to do such a thing, so I allowed it, along with the fact I was actually a little bit intimidated. I had promised myself to distance it all, to turn them to nothing but moving cloth. But with them it's different. With them it's not so simple. I know Eren's a good kid; he's messed up and mixed in with all of Humanity's madness, but he's good when you dig to the core of the matter. And Hanji, she had always been good, always been so kind to me and foolishly trusting. And then there was him, the cold cut Captain before me. I look up at him and meet those silver eyes, like a gun's barrel in the sunlight they gleam down at me. He's still trying to get a clear read on my mind-set, but whilst he can read through a spoken lie, he can't find something that isn't even really there. Frankly my head has never felt more foreign to me.

"Well Senefold?!" he demands, voice rising a little, and I see it there, the pleading that flashes over his eyes for the small moment within a second.

He so wants me to break down and cry over all this, to beg for him to help me, and lament all that had gone wrong between us. But I won't. I can't. I still don't know if he really had stabbed me in the back or not. I couldn't trust much anymore, but I also found it impossible to see him as nothing but a uniform. I remembered too damn clearly how it felt to slide my hands under that uniform, to feel the smooth and scarred skin beneath and the heat therein. The heartbeat, thundering in my ears, pulsing from his skin to mine as we tumbled together in a mess of confusion, tension and need of human contact. Me. I had wanted that contact, and now it seemed I didn't want to let it go.

"What do you want?" he breathes, harshness melting away as he tries to coax an answer from me.

"I want simplicity." I respond, blinking hard and only then realising there had been tears brimming in my eyes.

They're warm as they roll down my cheeks.

A cold hand presses there, and a thumb runs along my cheekbone, wiping the offending teardrop away. There's a small silence, and I feel like he's smiling at me, rejoicing at such a calm moment between us after fighting for so long. One part of me is also smiling, wondering if we could just run away from this mess and haul up in one of my hideouts. But the other part… well it's less inclined to the fairy-tale. It wants to grab his head and smash him against the wall repeatedly, gradually making our way to the window where finally we fling him out and see just how well he can fly with clipped wings.

To say that I'm confused is a small understatement.

"We can work on that once you make a choice." He says calmly, hand still there when I finally open my eyes and meet his gaze. He's as stoic as always, but that warmth has remained in his eyes exactly how I imagined it. I purse my lips and lick them as I think, he just strokes my cheek with his thumb and stays still. He knows sudden movements round a wild animal aren't a good idea.

"Why're you even wanting to wait for that? I'm sorry Levi but… why aren't you just stopping me? Why aren't you… arresting me, killing me, beating me, or even—"

"Senefold stop."

He moves his hands to my shoulders, holding my gaze without that warmth to be seen. I swallow hard, but the lump remains in place god dammit. This confusion is so exhausting.

"I'm not stopping you because I want it to be your choice; we took too fucking much from you already, I can't take your free-will too." He says through his teeth, suddenly looking angry, but I don't think it's aimed at me. "We falsely accused you, imprisoned you, t… tortured you, corralled you into service and then let those MP bastard's take you when you had won a vital battle for us. And I'm sick of it." He growls and when I meet those broiling silver eyes, I admit that I flinch back.

"Captain…"

"No… no, Alexia I'm done. I'm _done_ watching people be dragged into this mess of ours and made to do things by force… I lost two people who were the only family I ever really knew because of the same kind of shit. And the only time I've heard of them being honoured is by you, a woman half the people in this compound look at like she's a Titan looming over them. You hate how messed up Humanity is, and yet…" he searches my face, as though not knowing where he had been heading with the idea. I set my jaw against the bad decision, but I slowly blink and lean into the touch of his hands on my shoulders. He frowns a little.

"And yet…?" I encourage quietly, watching the spittle dry from his slightly ajar lips as he tries to think. It seemed that I wasn't the only one currently doing the rounds with confusion. How simple had his days been before I messed it all up? I almost feel sorry for him.

"And yet you're probably the most human person I've met here for a long time." He sucks in a breath between his teeth and straightens up again, refusing to let himself totally lose it apparently. "So that's why Alexia, this is your choice, and I'm not going to take it from you."

I stare at him, and quite rightly he stares back at me. A few voices walk along outside the door, and a bird makes a racket in the trees outside my window. But here it's just us.

Distrust to comradery.

Comradery to distrust.

Distrust to hate.

Hate to fear.

And now does the cycle just begin again?

"I'll decide for the mission. How does that sound?" I say when he looks like he might be about to lose his grip on what little patience he was managing with. He sighs heavily and nods slowly, but I think he knew it was a long-shot that he'd have an answer by the time he left here.

"That sounds reasonable, brat."

"Brat? Really?" I snort and glance at the door when more voices go by. He does the same and then smirks at me, raising a brow in that irritatingly charming manner.

"You'll always be a brat."

"I can accept that." I say, sitting back and laying down on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling and popping my lips together. "It sounds a lot nicer than monster after all."

The rungs of my curtains ring along the pole, and there's a small crackle as my lantern comes to life. The scuffing of boot against floorboard rustles to my ears before there's a pause, and then footsteps head for my door where the handle creaks and the wood groans. It was amazing any of us ever managed sleep in this noisy place.

"Good night, brat."

"Good night, Captain."

* * *

So with all this previous confusion in mind, and otherwise mind-fuckwittery at the forefront of my thinking, you'd think I'd have pretty much been ready for anything.

And oh deary me would you be wrong.

So very, very wrong.

Like as wrong as people were when they thought sugar was a good way of looking after you teeth because it's white and you want your teeth to be white so go ahead and rub it all over them suckers. Yeah. That's about as wrong as I was.

It had all started fairly normally; we all lined up, wagons at the ready and formation ready to splatter across the plains like pretty little ink blots. The gate rose up and the charge was started, we thundered under and out the other side to blink into the sunlight like dazed children, and for about three hours nothing much happened except a couple green flares shifting us about the map. But with the colder air nipping at our pink cheeks, came a new kind of clarity to thinking and feeling, to seeing and hearing.

We were heading through an abandoned town when Eren rode up to me and caught my eye, clearly wanting a conversation. I glanced about but apparently no one in our squad cared, or wanted to make out they were listening. So they're on side, or about to rat him out basically. I lean towards him and he speaks quickly, looking forward the whole time as his knuckles turn white in his grip of the reins.

"I'm sorry Alex but I have to let you know what's going on… it's not right not to." He begins, and I swallow hard as still no one intervenes here. This was clearly not information I was meant to know, whatever it was, and yet the She-Wolf says nothing, the Horsey looking one doesn't even blink, and the Captain just ahead of us rides on. They can clearly hear that he's about to spill some beans, and they're letting it happen. It would have been a touching moment of comradery sentiment if it hadn't been for the sickening feeling building in my gut.

"Feel free to spit it out, Eren. Only having a couple heart-palpitations over here!"

"Well… look I'm under orders to take you out if you make a break for it. To kill you if you try to flee. So please… _please_ don't make me have to follow that order." He says, finally looking my way and making me shudder at the intensity of those fucking eyes. That was why he had seemed so ashamed? "Just stick to the plan and then everyone gets to go home."

"Except me." I point out, and a blush appears across his cheeks whilst he nods. I look forward and watch the apparently unmoved figure of my Captain, black hair shifting with the breeze and looking kind of blue in the pale sunlight. Had he known this when he came to my room?

But of course that isn't why I find myself so confused.

That only partially lined me up with the loop.

Little did I know I was about to be flung through it completely.

There's a fairly decent BANG on the western side of the formation, and dust flies up in a single cloud over some rooftops. Whilst we would normally keep riding, there's a signal up ahead from the Commander to group round that spot. Presumably it wasn't a Titan or else Erwin has decided to just commit mass genocide on his own regiment. I look around, but the rest of them seem as confused as myself, so this isn't some other nugget of information they were privy to when I wasn't. The formation remains intact in the stationary form and many take to the rooftops to keep watchful eyes on the horizon.

"Keep close." Calls Levi, signalling to the west of us, and I peer to where we are veering towards, still in the town as the hoof beats crackle off the crumbling walls like ricocheting bullets. This didn't seem legit from the start and I ready my blades as we approach the Squad in question.

It was part of the supply detail and three wagons are rather piled up, being sorted through by frantic Cadets nervously looking around as they expect death to appear any second. Whatever had happened, it had happened whilst the first wagon was going at a decent pace, this was a mess that would take a while to clean up. And out here, any time spent stationary was a bad call.

I don't recognise many of them to be honest, as I've been making my efforts at turning people into fabric samples, but I do recognise two of them at least. One was a formidable looking blonde bloke, with a face rather set in furrows for such a young age. And beside him was the lanky one with brown hair and a nervous disposition. They had been part of the group that the She-Wolf had rolled in with before the 57th expedition. Only right now the nervous guy seems to be on the verge of a mental breakdown as he paces and mutters to his friend. The rest of their Squad is talking with the Squad Leader who seems to be trying to determine his arse from his elbow.

Their names elude me until Eren rides over and goes to the two separate from the group.

"The heck's going on you two?" he demands, looking between then whilst Levi heads over to talk with the Squad leader himself. Eren puts a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Reiner? Seriously what is it?"

"We um… well I have no idea what happened to the wagon, but… look this is basically our last chance now. Eren, we need to talk to you." Reiner says quietly, probably not expecting anyone to have picked up on it, but I had damned good hearing when being a nosy bugger. And right now I was about as nosy as it got. What the heck was all this about? I glance at the kid, but whilst he looks like a serious bastard, he doesn't look despairing. And yet he said 'last chance' as though he fully expected to die on this expedition.

"Um… well all right, but not far okay? We need to stay in range of the spotters." Says Eren moving off with them, he glances back at me and I nod to him. I'd keep an eye out for them, he clearly needed a moment alone with his friends. I quickly fire my wires to a nearby roof to keep watch. This was far from a good place to stop, but so far I see no danger on the horizon. I can hear Captain Levi arguing with the Squad Leader, making the taller man quiver in his tight white trousers. But apart from that nothing much was happening. There wasn't any sign of the Golden Nutcracker yet, so there could be a few more moments of peace at least. I shake my head at this shebacle and ignore the rising argument from below, instead I just listen for any heavy footsteps, or inane groaning of our larger hungry cousins.

* * *

 **So yeah... shit shall be hitting the proverbial fan in the next [eventual *sigh*] installment. See you next time!**

 **Thanks so much for reading/ returning to read/ putting up with these delays because i'm a bad author. I'm so glad people are still reading and seem still invested, I do plan on getting a damned grip on myself and sorting out this schedule, but I make no promises as i've already failed to keep them way too many times. You guys are awesome for sticking with me, so thanks!**

 **Leave a fav, follow and or review if you have the time. I am always so thrilled when I get those emails telling me someone else has done so. It really is awesome. Thank you everyone!**

 **Shoutouts!**

 **AnimeGodess: Dammit I love your reviews, so long and thoughtful, thank you so much for your understanding, I really do appreciate it. I know people are hardly chomping at the bit, I'm not an egotistical arse I promise, but i do know how annoying it is when you're getting into a fic and then then author doesn't update for ages. So yeah, the apologies will likely keep flowing, but i really am grateful to have readers such as yourself with understanding. You're a gem!**

 **UmberonGurl: You also do wonderful reviews, its amazing that you can take the time for it, I really am humbled every single time it happens. I'm glad you enjoyed bitchy Petra, I was a little torn on it, but just went with it considering if it was Alexia imagining it, that would be what she did haha. And wow. That is some seriously high praise and I have to admit I have reread that bit of the review a few too many times when doubting! I am glad the spelling's on point as the grammer probably is closer to a tap dancing cat! I'm glad you find them binge worthy, and I hope this was once again worth the wait! :D see you next time!**

 **Danny: Is this the same danny from RBW reviews? If so thanks for looking into my other stuff! And yeah sorry about the feels, I do rather grab a ladel and just slap them over everywhere, but thank you very much for the review and the praise! Hope you're still enjoying!**

 **Somebody: Thank you for your two reviews as you went through, it's always really interesting to see how people feel as they go through pieces of work, so thanks very much for the support and praise!**

Thank you to everyone and see you next time!


	21. Chapter 21

**Here we go again!**

 **Warning: Strong language and likely gore too, and MANGA content as well. Not taken straight from it, all with my own take/angle on it and whatnot, but it is technically manga sourced. So YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. SPOILERS. BLAH BLAH BLAH. But frankly if you're reading Fanfiction for AOT by this point and you haven't read the manga, i'm gonna go ahead and guess you're ok with spoilers. ANYWAY. Applied, and now I run away in a puff of smoke *WHOOSH*.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

* * *

It only takes about five minutes before I hear Eren give out a small exclamation of either joy, or disgust. From this height and distance I can't tell, but it was certainly some kind of strong emotion in response to whatever the two blokes had said. I had never gotten close to either Reiner Braud or Bertholdt…. Shoover? Whatever the hell their names were, but I knew they had been with Eren in training. He had a surprising number of classmates that had come to the Corps actually, but I guess he was probably a big reason behind that. Those green eyes were kind of hard to deny when he started talking passionately about something, Erwin should be increasing the boys pay on recruitment drive alone. Maybe I could bring it up in the next meeting…

"The fuck?!" I hear Eren's voice clip, and now I'm guessing the noise was more towards disgust than joy. I shift over a bit and peer down into the small square where the three of them were chatting.

I narrow my eyes and see Eren shaking his head, the two classmates just kind of looming there, staying still as Eren seems to get pale in complexion. What the hell had they just told him? Don't tell me they'd chosen now to suggest a threesome or something. But the way he clamps his hand over his mouth makes my mockery melt away, and my protective side rise. I don't know what it was about Eren, but I really had a want to help him, or even look out for him. Apparently I was turning into a mother hen. I check around again, but there's no sign of trouble, the rest of the formation having apparently looped round anyway, a couple others on roofs here and there. We were well protected, so I could safely abandon my would-be post.

"The heck's going on…" I murmur, firing a wire and abseiling down to head over to the trio, meeting Eren's eye first and knowing I'd just made the right move to protect him, but probably landed myself in a heap of trouble. He seems to be begging me to disappear as I approach, but I just shake my head at that sign, no way am I walking away now kiddo. The broad one is still speaking as I get properly within earshot.

"Eren please listen to us, we need to—"

"What's going on here then, boys? Chat time has run over a little bit ya know…" I clap the two big buggers on the shoulder as I squeeze through and go to Eren's side. I nudge him slightly and give an encouraging smile to that slightly horrified look. I turn to the two I barely know, and nod in respect, but all I receive is accusing looks, and an outright grimace from the Reiner guy.

The hell was going on here?

"We were still talking with Eren, please leave." Says the lanky one, Berty, with a tone almost like politeness but too much of an edge not to annoy me. I look up at him and note the way he has sweat upon his brow; it was a warm day, but no one else seemed to be perspiring like that. Either he had some gland issues, or he had a guilty conscience. Well no, it could be both, but for deductive reasons, I'll narrow it to those two options for my little mind.

"Sorry love, not gonna happen. Noticed Eren was looking a little peaky down here and I thought I'd come check on him. Not wanting trouble or anything."

"Are you his mother or something?" snaps Reiner, and I raise a brow at him in surprise. Eren's classmates knew he had lost his mother to the initial Titan attacks in Shiganshina, it seemed overly crass and insensitive for Reiner to have said such a thing. I mean, if _I_ had said it, it would be another matter. After all I am crass and insensitive; but I doubt Reiner is, he looks too much like he has a stick of purpose rammed between his cheeks for that.

"No… just a concerned comrade." I nod and look to Eren properly, keeping watch on the dubious duo out the corner of me eye. "You all right there, kid?"

"You should go…" he says quietly, looking incredibly pale now that I'm here next to him. I hear the two classmates discussing something, their low voices making the murmuring impossible to distinguish, but something shady was definitely going down here.

"Sounds to me like we both should?" I suggest with another nudge, and he glances to the side, almost nodding before he stops and swallows again. He really does look ill. "The hell are you two saying to him? He looks ready to puke the last three meals up." I look at them in accusation and they look between themselves before nodding and then looking to me again with all seriousness. Shit, now I'm roped in.

"You either listen, or you leave." Bertholdt states in an attempt to sound forceful, but really I feel like I'm being bossed about by a toddler. A very tall sweaty toddler.

"Hold up there Beanpole, where the fuck do you get off thinking you can tell me what to do? Stop your sweating for a second and consider that I am at prime height to either slice your lanky dick off or just plain bite it to the wick." I snarl, and he staggers back a step with a rather large and nervous swallow.

I slowly put a hand on Eren's shoulder, to try and get some information out of him. The boy jolts. He looks to me with wild eyes all of a sudden, like something had just snapped inside of him and broken through the nausea. But before I can ask him, I hear someone else approaching. I glance down the alley way to the main square, and see a curious Levi looking our way. I shake my head slightly, knowing his involvement wouldn't help much. He nods but clicks his tongue, not happy in the least, I reckon I bought myself three minutes before he barges over anyway.

"If… shit…" Eren seems to have no idea what to do, confusion ruling him right now. He swallows hard, and grits his teeth. "R-Reiner if you think I'm going to be able to help you… you better tell her as well..." Eren swallows again, his voice having faltered at the end there. Where the heck was the fight gone? I look to the Blonde Brickhouse.

Seems my instincts for shitstorms was still at peak capacity.

"Come on then Reiner, spit it out. Help me understand this instead of standing there brooding at me and expecting me to read between the lines on your big forehead." I demand, and he grimaces at my forthrightness.

"This is hardly a matter for the likes of her, Eren."

"The likes of what now?" I repeat, clenching my hand into Eren's cape a little as I immediately take a disliking to this grumpy Shithouse. "Spell this crap out _now_ or I will seriously lose my patience. I haven't got much love for you either there Cheery Man, so kindly get on with it before the Captain waltzes over and cuts your discussion group short. No pun intended." I add with a snort.

"We require Eren to come with us." He says curtly, and I swear I nearly floor myself with the momentum behind my eye-roll.

"Oh I love a cryptic blonde too big for his boots. What do you _mean_? On your Squad?" I tilt my head, and he laughs at me. Oh bad move there buddy. Eren places a hand on top of mine though, and I bite back the rant having made its way to the edge of my tongue.

"We have a much higher purpose here, and if you wish, you can join us."

"I don't remember you ever talking like this before." I murmur, knowing for certain I'd have remembered a random Cadet talking like the Golden Boy on steroids. This was weird, something had changed in this kid during the mission, or at least since I stopped paying attention to the cadets around me. I had never taken a whole load of stock of the other cadets from Eren's class, to me they made little difference other than being a support system for my fellow shifter. But I would have noticed that kind of moronic speech pattern, I'd have revelled in mocking it.

"Things change, you of all people should understand that Senefold." He responds with a small nod, and I tighten my hold on Eren's cape again.

"Again with the cryptic shit." I growl, narrowing my eyes at him. He shifts his weight and looks to the Beanpole for a second before sighing and looking at me with indecision.

"Look… you hate Humanity right?"

This wasn't the segway I expected but I was willing to see it out.

"Not my favourite bunch no." I shrug with a set jaw, refusing to give this kid any more than necessary. My instincts were screaming at me, telling me to high-tail it with Eren bundled under my arm and signal the Captain to turn on his murderous mode. Bertholdt puts a hand on his comrade's shoulder and they exchange a concerned look. My patience thins further.

"We need to go, Reiner. She will be nothing but a liability."

Eren blinks and looks at me desperately, suddenly blurting it out at me.

"They're the Armoured and Colossal Titans." He gasps, slapping his hand over his mouth. It was as though saying the words had made it more real for him, and now he wanted nothing more than to vomit. I don't blame him. Slowly I turn back and look between the two men before me, and feel pretty nauseous myself. Rage is building up inside me, it boils in my gut and scorches its way through my veins till finally I feel it flicker at my heart.

"You… are… what?" I swallow hard and lick my lips, them feeling dry as I purse them to avoid screaming my head off in absolute outrage.

The two men look between themselves and all around them, as if not meeting my eye might dispel my fury. I have no idea what the hell possessed them to say this now, but I figure it'll be because they've decided they were running out of time to hide their true identities, and right now the regiment is scattered. The formation is a little out of whack, and not easily rectified in this built up area, plus if they do manage to high tail it out of here, they're already beyond Rose. At least that's the only conclusion I can come to. However, before I can linger on it I look to Eren and frown deeper, wondering why the hell they had even confessed this to Eren in the first place. Those two beasts were the reason his life had fallen apart, the reason behind a lot of lives falling apart, but most importantly it was the driving force behind Eren's rage-filled determination.

Why confess to being that reason?

Talk about throwing the shit at the fan yourself.

"The time for messing around is over, we need to make a move now before it's too late." Explains the Reiner bloke, and I see those quick eyes flicker between me and Eren, the footsteps of the Captain approaching like sand slipping through an hourglass.

"Make a move _where_ you nutcase." I move closer to Eren and then grit my teeth. "You're not taking this guy anywhere you hear me? Leave Eren be." I state, meeting that sharp gaze of Reiner's and not even blinking. His jaw clenches and Bert looks to him with question, they had some kind of plan, I look over at Levi and let my panic register clearly, his pace quickening.

"Shit. Come on Bert, its now or never." Grunts Reiner and now I know we're fucked.

Suddenly there's this blasting noise, and I feel an arm slam into the middle of my body, pushing me back, and I can only assume the other huge arm is doing the same to Eren as I hear him yelling. The blasting noise is followed by searing heat and I cry out as burns etch onto my face. They had done what I really didn't expect, and beyond the pain of the burns was now annoyance too. Bert had shifted. What the hell? I look up, but see nothing but swirling clouds, where the heck was his titan form then? The steam is making it impossible to tell for now though. Soon enough we have whacked into the ground and I'm struggling against the big tree trunk arm holding me down.

"Get off me you bastard! You callous fu—" my words snap away from me as a fist pounds into the nape of my neck and I seem to choke on air.

I'm floored.

I stare out as the steam clears, and I watch the huge husk be revealed; partly formed and grotesque, but blocking the alleyway rather nicely with meaty ribs and a half-formed arm. I see a few figures moving about near it, seemingly trying to get past, slicing with their blades, and they're yelling, cries echoing off the buildings around. But that's all they can do. With my head pressed against the ground I can hear the far off thundering of hooves as they all scramble together to figure out what the hell just happened.

Levi would be livid.

I can just picture him now, wrenching a horse from someone, possibly even pulling them off the beast, and taking it for himself, heading round the back of the buildings with a set jaw and fierce eyes. He won't make it though. This damsel was indeed in distress, but her hero would be left looking the fool, I knew where this was going. I heard the second smack down happen after my own, Eren being floored in a similar fashion to myself, in fact I feel him take my hand and give a small squeeze. I wish I could turn to him, make some kind of snarky remark about all this, and let the kid enjoy another partially free smile. But I can't.

The lanky one heads back over, looking dishevelled from his shifting session. He nods to Reiner I presume, and I am hauled into a sitting position by the beanpole bastard, growling at him because it's the only thing I can do. Reiner backs up a bit and I hold my breath as once again steam billows everywhere. The three of us are then lifted up by a big hand, to be put on the shoulder where we're fixed in place by Sweatballs, and gagged to avoid us shifting. As I lie there, facing up whilst tied to the shoulder, I see flares go up out of the corner of my eyes.

Just don't get yourselves killed all right?

But I really don't think they'll even have the opportunity.

The world begins to lumber on, and the clouds roll in and out of view, soon enough at a pace quick enough that any horses that had managed to get through the tangle of streets, would soon enough fall behind. I hope to whatever gods that are still watching this little leaky bowl of a world we have, that they don't let these two genocidal maniacs away with any of this. Or let them try to convert me. Just spare me that.

Please?

It's probably been about ten minutes when I hear a sigh of relief breathe out of Bertholdt, and suddenly he's over me, having shuffled my way with his wires attached to his comrade. I hope it hurt the big brute. I stare up at him, still not able to move much at all thanks to my nape smacking. I glare with all the venom I can muster, but he doesn't even have the backbone to meet my gaze, instead he pushes my head to the side, making me look out at the passing landscape. More and more space opens up around us as we head out into the plains, and quite frankly I'm just willing there to be Titans, praying for a big Abnormal to come along and feast on this Armoured git. Whether or not it took a snack on me and Eren was another story entirely, but it'd be funny to watch this Amroured's carcass get nibbled clean.

And then I feel something else.

A cold sensation runs along my nape and I can hear the mumbled yells of Eren, gradually getting more frantic as the cold sensation gets stronger. I shiver as the sensation grows, and my vision swims badly, making my stomach heave. I groan and try to focus, but everything's slipping away, and I'm only vaguely aware of the oddly contrasted warm sensation now running along my cheek that's pressed to Reiner's shoulder. The yells of Eren seem to echo as this weird combination of sensations continues, and I just manage to make out a slicing noise, constant and delicate, and that's when I figure it out. He was bleeding me, using my nape as a safety mechanism to avoid my shifting, and bleeding me from there. Risky business considering the wrong cut could just kill me, but considering the alternative was me shifting and taking them both on all guns blazing? I reckon Berty Boy was willing to take that chance if he had to.

Clever bastards.

The world slips away, and I hear the strange echoing memory of that red-lipped bitch laughing at me. I wonder what she'd say to this turn of events. I wonder if she'd say anything at all. I was a lackie sent on a mission, the fact I'd probably die on that mission had likely already been taken into account, if not outright hoped for. I stop fighting it, accepting the pressing urge to sleep and letting my eyes droop closed.

* * *

"Alephia… come on Alephia phlease…" I hear a voice in my ear, encouraging me into the world of the awake as a knee nudges my backside. I vaguely recognise it as Eren and just grumble at him and try to roll away, assuming I'd got drunk and been found in the stables or something. But then I find myself unable to roll, unable to move at all really.

What the hell was going on now?

My mind reaches back and I grumble again as I remember being on the mission, and the rather timely fuckery that had been Bertholdt and Reiner's confession. Couldn't they have just been admitting to wanting to elope? Ugh humans were messy. Oh wait… they're not technically humans. I blink awake and look round, the sky seemingly heading towards sunset as orange tones bleed into blue.

Bleed.

I groan as I remember the cold sensation of that blade on my nape, feeling the deep ache in my body as little to no blood is pathetically pushed round my tired veins. I reckon he had gone a shade too far with it, but the heartbeat was still there. Dammit I was stubborn. I turn my head, flinching as there's obviously bad bruising round the cut, but I manage to look to where Eren is lying. He smiles as best he can, a metal bar between his teeth. I bite down and find only a rag there, but I have to consider that they had only intended on there being one Shifter along for the ride, as they hadn't known about me when said plan was made. I guess. I don't really know how long they had been planning on taking Eren after all. This was all such a mess in my head, I wished Eren didn't have to sound like a duck right now.

"Hey kid…" I croak round the gag, everything feeling sluggish. He tries to shuffle closer, touching my shoulder with his forehead. Really it's very cute. "You all right?" I cough and he nods, shrugging, his hands clearly bound behind his back as well. I sigh and nod as well, really there no 'all right' at this point, this situation was about as shit as it got.

"She's waking up." I hear someone rumble, and I laugh a little.

"World's greatest detective right there ya fucknugget." I snort, knowing my words will have come out more of a garble than a sentence but they still felt good to attempt.

Footsteps approach and me and Eren are both sat up, leaning against the trunk of the tree we're in. I hadn't even realised we were in a damn tree, not that I'm sure where else we would be. Some kind of secret hideaway with their villain boss pacing around preparing his monologue? Not likely. I just stare at Reiner as he steps back and then looks to Bertholdt, and quite frankly it couldn't be clearer that they're flying by the seat of their pants.

"Are you going to even consider listening to us?" sighs Bertholdt, and I have to admit that he seems to be the less crazy of the two. I think. Then again a man that sweats that much might just be trying to contain the psycho whilst his partner there is happy to let it flap about the place.

"Take this gag off me." I respond with a shrug.

"Why the hell would we risk that?" he scoffs with a shake of his head at me. I roll my eyes and shake mine right back at him.

"The fuck can I do? You bled me dry dickwads. And if you don't take off the gag? I ain't listening to shit." I garble at them and they look between them, and they know it's true. I can barely sit upright, let alone fight them. Reiner comes over and takes the gag off without much care, letting me hack and cough for a couple minutes before Bertholdt comes over and gives me a mouthful to drink.

"All we want, when it comes right down to it, if for you and Eren to join the cause and free this world of the evil that is humans." He explains, doing up the water cap in front of me. I was about to swallow when I suddenly have the urge to spit, and so I do. Right in his face in fact, bullseye. "Oh god dammit! What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you see that we are telling the truth here and only that?!"

"For the first time since you signed up for the military yeah…" I snort, shaking my head. There had already been a couple warbled protests from Eren, and now even more come burbling out of him. I shake my head at them both. "I dunno where you found your high horse, but its fucking riddled guys. It's all bullshit. It always is." I end up laughing by the end of it.

"What the hell would you even know about having a cause? Until very recently you were actively avoiding _all_ human contact entirely!" yells Reiner, irritated by the fact I wasn't so easily brainwashed. And neither was Eren. Those sharp eyes are getting more dangerous, but I'd faced worse than him; and that was shorter, scarier, and hit a hell of a lot harder. I smirk at him from where I sit, and slowly shake my head at him. They were lucky they'd bled me properly, or I'd be ripping them apart as slow as possible, limb by limb and ensuring they watched each other suffer. I drool a little at the prospect.

"Brother calm down." Urges Berty Boy, but when my gaze shifts to him, he backs off a fraction. And Reiner growls a little, stomping his foot. Oh my, that's mature. Good to know this so called revolution is being handled by the big boys now. Viva La Tantrum Army. They'll be burning their nappies in protest next…

"No god dammit! I won't calm down." he yells, fists clenched and toys officially thrown from the pram. "This bitch needs to know her place, and right now she should be thanking us for even considering letting her in on this venture. On this cause!"

"I should be thanking you for smacking my nervous system out of whack, then almost bleeding me dry because you're too piss-scared to face me in a fair fight? Oh and you beat up the bravest and probably most decent kid I've ever known?" I summarise and I can tell Reiner wants nothing more than to ram that rag back into my mouth and partially down my throat.

"You should be thanking us for the chance to do something worthwhile." He mutters.

"Sorry lads, not one for thanking mindless drones of a would-be dictating wankstain, who doesn't even have the decency to do his own dirty work." I laugh openly, and I see fear flicker in both their eyes. Apparently I'd somehow struck a nerve.

"Excuse me?" Reiner's teeth flash into view. "How the hell do you know about the Beast?!"

"I didn't, but thanks for letting me know his pretentious title." I snort and look over my shoulder towards Eren with raised brows. "Was there a special case part of training camp, or did these guys just end up with everyone else?" I ask and Eren gives a small chuckle, shaking his head at my antics, but seemingly glad to know I was still able to defend myself.

"Brother I think we should just… well…" the sweaty one doesn't even have a balls to say 'kill' does he? He'd single handed started the genocide or at least the attempted genocide of the inhabitants of Wall Maria, but actually doing it first hand? Nah. He didn't have the stones for that. I whistle a bit and lean forward, tilting my head ever so slightly.

"Just curious here boys but… Is there a _real_ name to go with the over-compensation or is it just Senoir Small Prick the 3rd? Sorry… I mean _the Beast._ " they both stare at me, and I hear another small snicker from Eren. Another win.

I wait patiently for the dynamic dup to accept they'd gone ahead and stumbled into telling me who their boss was. Well… kind of. I mean I had no idea what he looked like, what he sounded like, who he actually was beyond the nickname, nor what his intentions were beyond being a pain in the ass of a prickwad. But then again they might not be bright enough to deduce even that, but in all honesty I won't judge, heck one of them was blonde, but then again I was a Dwarf sized loud mouth of a… wow I think in long sentences…

"How did you know we had… what the hell is going on here?" groans Reiner, and he paces a little, steps thumping against the branch. He was a big fella after all, I just hope this branch is strong enough, I don't reckon I would bounce very well right now. I click my tongue and meet the angry gaze that follows.

"Look Reiner calm it, okay? No need to go ape-shit again just because you brain no think good." I roll my eyes, and grunt as the subsequent blow to my stomach hits home hard. Dammit I don't think I'm going to have any intestines left after this. "I just guessed that there was a big honcho behind all this, a puppet master if you will. Seems like the kind of operation that has a big fella at the top telling the pawns what to do." I cough and spit off the branch, noting the reddish tinge to my saliva. Wonderful.

"You're a bit too smart for your own good you know that, Senefold?" Reiner mutters bitterly.

"You're a bit of a fucking cliché, do you know that?" I flinch, but Berty Boy rests a hand on the broad shoulder of his brother, calming the tantrum thankfully. "I realise you wanted the help of Eren, and then me when I got my big nose in the wrong place at the wrong time… but did you really… I mean _seriously_ think it was _ever_ going to work?"

"We had hope he would see how cruel humanity could be, how those people turned on him in the court-house and haunted his steps since. I mean… come on Eren, do you really want to die defending people who hate and fear you?" asks Bertholdt softly, and for a moment, I wonder if that might work. I peer back at the kid and see him glaring back at them, he couldn't speak for himself, but those eyes spoke a thousand words. They burned with hate, and a determined form of it at that. I feel kinda bad for doubting him.

"Eren _please_ , me and Reiner… we only… we only want to—"

"Use him and then throw him back when he gets disobedient." I snap and they both purse their lips, glancing to each other yet again and knowing they were soon running out of options. I might as well have been braiding the noose myself. Sod it. Might as well goes balls to the wall then. "I mean come on, Eren _hates_ you both for what you did. You killed his mother, not to mention like... 20% of humanity as a whole, and now he finds out its just some zealot plot by a non-present whacko? No, no, no dearies, that kite is not going to fly. That kite is going to go smacking into a tree, be hit by lightning, set fire to the tree and kill all the little birdies living inside."

"We could only hope he would see reason… that was all we wanted…" Says Bert with a dramatic sigh. Whilst I find the idea of _their_ mind-set being the reasonable one hilarious, I'll give the kid credit for being strong in holding his ground. Even if it was soiled, squelching with the entrails of his countless victims.

I look to Eren, and he's lying there panting a little, eyes red as he weeps out of sheer anger judging from the way he's been biting down on that metal bar. He wants to shift and tear them apart just like me, he has all the fire I feel, but not the experience to attempt keeping it in. He was a ball of fury that was ready to crush all that it could. I hope he gets the chance at some point.

Berty Boy steps forward again, and glances out towards the walls, his eyes looking a bit odd for a moment. It was almost as if he was considering this situation properly, and not from the mind-set of a puppet, but this idea is soon quashed by his words.

"If you two could just allow for some wiggle room, to allow yourselves to see this cause for what it is. Humanity is corrupt beyond redemption, they have sullied this earth and need to be eradicated." He speaks like he's discussing the weather, and I feel nauseous on top of everything else wrong with me right now.

I stare up at the kid, my neck hurting a little from the angle, but I can't take my eyes away. They really believed all this didn't they? How long had their young minds been warped by such a hateful mind-set, how long had they been bent to the will of some elder who had been badly dumped, or wasn't hugged enough by Mummy?

"So you care nothing for the comrades you served with?" I ask quietly, the rage seemingly gone from my now cool and calm town.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still considering how nice a bow I could manage with their intestines being used to gather all their severed limbs together, but I also try to maintain the dialogue here. For one thing it would allow me to understand the enemy, making it easier to deal with them in the long run. For another? It bought time for the Scouts to catch up, and for that rather scary short man to make his move and hopefully slice these two into strips of righteous beef.

There's an odd splintering of pain in the Lanky Bastard's eyes, and he blinks a couple times as though fending off tears. How human were they still? That was one of the questions I seriously needed to get a grip on. Judging from that response, the Colossal Titan still had a heart, even if it was all rusted over by malice and mind-washing. I look to Brauny and find him clenching his jaw, holding his arms a little closer as he folds them over that broad chest of his. They had friends in the Corps, having been with many of them since training, like Eren here, it was almost impossible for them not to have created some kind of connection.

Perhaps that was the way in.

After all we had a similar story when you looked at it like that; they had been taught to hate humanity, but had softened as they lived amongst them, trained and fought beside them whilst in hiding. I myself had a rather more forceful re-introduction with humanity, but even I had my resolve shaken and melted down. Petra's face wanders into my head and I sigh, she had been the start of it, strawberry haired pain in my ass.

But then the rage flickers.

I look up at them with accusation, and they stare in ignorant response, only making me angrier. Even Eren stops his odd little grunt of anger when he senses something in me has changed, if anything I think I hear him shuffle back a bit. Clever kid. I bare my teeth just a touch, and lean forward on my knees, squinting as I try and understand something.

"So then… you're working with the Blonde Bitch?" I hiss at them, and they remained confused.

"The Commander?" Berty tilts his head as he makes the wrong assumption, and I slowly shake my head. "Who do you mean? You use so many damned nicknames, I find myself losing track."

"The Female Titan, you Lanky fuckwit." I growl, and he flinches again and then blushes as he looks to his stout brother for help.

Oh no. You've gone and done it now dumb and dumber, you just outright admitted to being in league with that _thing_. And you dare question my worth?! A low growl sounds in my chest, and I swear if it weren't for the fact my vision is still blotching as I sat there, I'd be forcing myself to shift and swallow them whole.

"She deviated from the plan." Says Reiner a little lamely, I can't deny that I basically look at him as though he made a Dad joke. His blush brightens. "We didn't know she would become so blood-lust driven."

"You turn into the main predator of mankind and you didn't think she'd get the cravings when attacking? That sounds a bit too stupid, even for you." I hiss at Reiner, and the sweat seems to be contagious as he suddenly starts to look a little warm under that stuffed shirt.

"She was only meant to go for Eren, but she… she… well we don't really know what happened to be honest. It all happened so fast."

"But you let it happen all the same." I snarl, feeling the ache as I try and get the power to move, to attack these gits. But I can't. My body is barely still running with the amount of blood they left me with, and I haven't eaten since we left the HQ that morning. If it was even the same day. I was basically asking for them to beat on me, to possibly even kill me outright. But apparently I had recently been given a new sense of injustice, and it was ringing in my ears like a wailing siren.

" _Bastards._ " Eren mumbles through his rag, and I slowly nod, staring their young souls down as they look at two people from that Squad. The Squad she tore apart like unwanted dolls. She let them die in the muck, and they only made it back to be buried with any semblance of honour or recognition because I scraped them off the floor. I'm not saying they should have had a damned parade, hell no, they didn't do this for the glory, but they could have at least been allowed a little dignity after fighting so hard for so long. But she hadn't even allowed that.

Somehow I get to my feet, swaying and probably looking like I'd throw up any second, but still they lean back again. How imposing of them; the Colossal and Armoured Titans recoiling from a 5ft 2inch woman who was dead on her feet. My, my how the mighty do fall.

"You let them all die."

"It was a means to an end." Says Bertholdt, looking like he can't even stand how those words taste on his tongue. I just keep shaking my head.

"You stood by and let your comrade tear into those good and honest soldiers without so much as a tremour. Was it pleasing to hear the screams? Was it satisfying to feel their blood splatter on those capes you so wrongly wore? And still do." I rumble, staggering towards them.

The tall one is sweating bullets, and Reiner is just looking a little pale. They were only kids, and they were likely confused by upbringing or conditioning, but right now? Right now I can't forgive them based on that, right now they are the only ones I can really hold accountable for that newly pulled up patch of land, and line of bodies now 6ft underground.

"It's all in preparation for the—"

"For the what?! The reckoning, the rebirth of this world? You seriously think that leaders willing to commit genocide on that scale are any kind of good? Any kind of decent? Any kind of way to lead the world?!" I shout, barking as my voice crackles and breaks.

"Sacrifices must be made if we can ever hope to heal this world!" yells Bertholdt, having nothing to really defend himself with but louder noises. A child. They really were nothing more than children chasing down sweets promised for good behaviour. I shake my head at his idiocy, and I watch their faces pale further, the truth looming over them whilst I could not.

"You broke down Maria, and killed those on the outer ring… The corruption is within the _inner_ circles you inbred halfwits! By killing those people, the poorest of humanity, the farmers, the villagers, and hard-working humans left to scatter and be devoured, you killed whatever was good left in Humanity. They had no say over their lives, they were just trying to get by, they had their bad spots for sure, but who the fuck doesn't?!"

"We are the only way to—"

"And those soldiers?" I interrupt Berty, not allowing him his zealot speech if I could avoid it, my whole body trembling from rage and exhaustion. I knew I'd burn out soon, but I at least wanted to attempt waking them up before I passed out. "Those soldiers were willing to die in order to free humanity, to remove the corruption. And you spread them across the earth like fresh jam on toast." I rasp, sinking back to my knees as my momentary strength dribbles back out of existence. "You sacks of shit have nothing more driving you than madmen drunk on blood."

I wobble and slump against the branch, panting and wondering if I will actually vomit. The bark is harsh against my face, and the wind is certainly coming from the North as it nips at my pallid expression. But at least I was free right now; bound and gagged, but I was outside the walls of humanity, and yet fighting for them still. A small giggle escapes me.

"How can you defend them after what they did to you?" demands Reiner with surprising poise as he marches back over and kneels down to meet my eye from his knee. I look up and smirk at that disbelieving expression.

"Because you've been treating me like a fucking Queen." I laugh and feel my eyes get warm again as I find myself almost longing for that cell. For a time before I knew about these emotions lingering within me, before I knew I was capable of caring again. Just send me back and let me forget. It was so much simpler than this human mess.

"Me and Bertholdt have done this to allow us some time to talk reason into you, but you keep banging on about the Scouts as though they're some kind of beacon of hope… they kidnapped you and tortured you. Why the hell do you defend them so?" he asks, and in an oddly tender moment he pushes my hair back from my cold-sweat covered face. I lick my lips, tasting salt and iron.

"Because when it comes right down to it? At least the Scouts are fighting together, and for something decent. I got in the way, and they had to deal with it… if I had been in their shoes I'd have likely kicked my head in as well." I croak up at him, grinning as I see his astonishment. "I am the fly in the ointment Reiner. I'm nothing special, and won't fucking pretend to be."

"You're a royal."

"Yeah like the rag used to wipe the King's balls is." I laugh. "I am the watered down, lowest of the low kind of Royal. And that's if my mother _wasn't_ unfaithful, which frankly she would have likely not known, nor my father, both too drunk to notice. So don't go trying to flatter me little boy, I am not going to be moved by it." I chuckle and lean against the trunk when he shifts me there, not bothering to wipe the little flecks of bark from my cheek. They prickle as I continue to smile at those confused expressions. Reiner looks towards the walls now, and then back at me with a look that very nearly makes me wonder about shuddering.

"And yet you got so moved by the attentions of the Captain." He drawls, a weird looking smirk breaking that harsh face. I stare at him for a moment, wishing I had the capacity to drive a crystal spike through the throat and remove his nape from this side. But I can barely keep my breathing even right now, so that joy would have to be left for another time.

"He fucked me. Let's not dilly-dally round the point of the fact there Big Boy. He fucked me, and I fucked him, and yeah I'll admit it was good. It was damned good and made me moan like you've always dreamed a girl might under your sorry expertise." I retort with my own smirk, and I watch as the blushes return. Zealots never did well when talking about sex, but on top of that social inadequacy, they were frustrated little virgins too. It was almost fun.

"We need to keep moving." Says Berty and Reiner slowly nods, standing up and clearing his throat a little awkwardly.

I chuckle and look to Eren, and he grins at me. The situation was shite, and I knew I'd likely be killed sooner rather than later, but hey at least I could be here for the kid. He needed all the friends he could get at the moment, or at least friends that didn't intend on converting him to their mission; be it Golden Boy, his father, or even these two twats, everyone seemed to just want to put a set of reins on Eren. I hope the kid eventually gets to know what freedom actually is, but as the days go by I start to doubt that possibility more and more.

"You get Eren ready to go, I'll get rid of this one…" Reiner grumbles, taking hold of my hair and dragging me along the branch. I kick and scream, writhing in an attempt to escape as even I want to fight as the scythe lowers over my neck. Eren is yelling too, wriggling for all his damned naivety was worth. But soon enough he's knocked out again and he slumps down, murmuring against the metal bar as slumber takes him again.

"You bastards… god dammit I hope you die slow and painful!" I yell, pulling at the binds on my hands for all my worth. But I'm barely moving in all honesty, only being dragged along by Reiner, who just laughs at my words.

"Not the smartest thing to say to the guy figuring out how to kill you." He snorts and shakes his head. I look up at him and set my jaw.

"I don't care what you do to me. I won't scream, I won't give you the god damned satisfaction you creepy little shit."

And then I hear his wires and we're careering towards the earth. What kind of fate awaits me I don't know, but right now I'm more concerned by the fact they still have Eren, and still fully intend on using him as a pawn. Poor kid…

"You know Senefold, we get our powers in a very special kind of way." He rumbles into my ear as he lowers me onto the cold, mossy ground, covered in roots and thorny weeds. I glare up at him and keep quiet. "Seems like I'll be getting some pretty damn cool crystal abilities… maybe even that knack for adapting your titan form…"

"You're a fucking animal." I hiss, shuffling back as much as I can. But I ain't getting far.

"And yet you're the one about to die like a mutt in the mud." He snorts and holds a blade to his hand. "Shall we?"

Boom.

I stare up at the Armoured Titan, his oddly yellow eyes glowing as he reaches down for me, jaws slightly opening and steam billowing out. He looks hungry. I wriggle some more, and try to get away, try to think of some way out of this mess, but to no avail. He reaches down and plucks me from the ground. I scream bloody murder, and watch as Bertholdt turns away, not even able to watch his brother murder me.

"You son-of-a-bitch! You turn around and watch what you're doing! You watch this god dammit!" I yell, tears rolling down my face as I consider this will actually be how I die. And it's so fucking pointless. I can't even help Eren hope to be free anymore. Bert glances over his shoulder and I just keep screaming at him. "This is all you're going to ever accomplish you know, death and murder, betrayal and justification. You fucking—"

Guess I was disobeying Levi's orders after all.

* * *

 **So there we have it; swearing, progress, and a bit more swearing.**

 **Hope you enjoyed/ hope it was worth the wait. Thank you to everyone still here reading and following, and thank you to everyone who has followed etc. since my last update. It might not seem like a lot to you, pressing a button or even leaving a review, but it seriously, SERIOUSLY makes my day whenever it happens. Just knowing people are still enjoying my stuff blows my little mind, so thank you to everyone still here :D**

 **Shoutouts!**

 **AnimeGoddess: Your praise never ceases to make me blush and humbled! I'm glad the relationships are working for you, I always worry they're my weak point, but I'm glad you're convinced and enjoying them :D Your short reviews compared to the 'please write more' are always awesome m'dear. Thank you for taking the time! I also hope you enjoyed your holiday or at least your stay at that hotel haha.**

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 **Questionablycapableghoul: Lol I love your name. Thank you so much for the review, your very kind indeed, and I'm glad you're enjoying it so much! I don't wholly agree with your praise of my grammar as generally speaking I only do the best I can, I have a tense relationship with Grammar and we shall never get on. But if you enjoy it, that's the main thing. I don't want to please academics, just the fans like me who want a good story! I hope you enjoyed this update, and I'm eager to know what you think of my other works if you've had the chance to look as you said you were. I warn you though, Red Burning Wings is a damn marathon by this point haha.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello again lovely readers, hope you're all well, I am a terrible person for leaving it this long I know, I know. *hangs head.* I am so sorry, but yay another update for you. Just back from holiday actually, was away in Rhodes for a week and it was BEAUTIFUL. Highly reccommend it! Anyway on with the show!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Aot.**

 **Note: Aspects of the manga BEYOND the anime will be in this story from this point forth (has been for a couple chapters now) so if that is an issue, cheerio thanks for stopping by, but if not, carry on my wayward son. ;) lots of typical Alexia carnage to come! P.s so yeah the usual bad language and gorey bits. You should seriously just assume these things by now...**

* * *

I slide down the enormous gullet a little more; I won't lie, not only is it a disgusting hot slimey mess, but it also stinks to high heaven as the muscles roll around me and attempt to swallow. Holy hell. Besides the impending need to vomit, and desperation to bathe, I also feel the surge within me grow, I had felt it many times over the years of my ridiculous life; whilst running beyond the walls, whilst almost freezing to death alone in a hovel, even whilst chained within a cell at the mercy of my captain, or even the MP's. But this time was different. This time I felt it boil up in me like bile, this time I'm not just angry, no, this time I'm God damn outraged. Screw you Reiner you overgrown boner, go fuck yourself. I had come too far, I had cared too fucking much – damn you if you think you're getting my power. Oh no little boy, not on my watch, and at least not without more of a fight.

It's a bad idea by all accounts, in fact it'll probably outright kill me. But sod it, at this point I would do it simply out of spite to Reiner and his Sweaty brother. I force the crystal out, an incredibly inelegant yell bellowing from me as I stick in his throat like the thorn I had always intended to be. The sound squelches to my ears and I revel in it, hoping it was as painful as I imagined. The muscles around me contract, they jolt and shudder at the uncomfortable sensation assaulting them. I grin. The black crystal drips with my blood as it sinks into him, dipped in my last stitch attempts at survival. I twist, I writhe, and god dammit I fight with every last bit I had left to give, I even claw with my hands as the performance continues. After all, what else was there? It was that or give up, and I wasn't feeling that melancholy yet. Another growl sounds and makes my bones vibrate with the noise; I might end up dead, deaf or even eventually swallowed, but at least I was trying. Petra would be proud right?

A final convulsion dislodges me, but instead of sending me down into the pit of his steaming gut, I am sent soaring back up into the outside world. The cold air hits me, refreshes me, and then abandons me as I smack straight into a tree trunk. Ow. I hear the crack of my bones splintering like brittle twigs, but I barely feel it by this point in all honesty. I just smile as I collide next with the cold ground, and watch the beast growl whilst steam escapes his jaws. Gradually though, he is satiated by his sweaty brother still on the branch. I can't move right now though, so I just stare up, keeping that smile in place in place of flipping the bird at him.

Don't bother with her, for god's sake she's suffered enough, just let her die. Seems Sweaty was aiming for Humanitarian of the decade. But whatever his game was, it seemed to have worked. The whiney voice has stopped, and the group begins to fade away, apparently the walking husk had decided to listen to his brother. My only regret being that they still have Eren. Dammit. The thunder of his march is a lot faster than my fading heartbeat, and a couple seconds later it has gently started to rain. I laugh a little, half wondering if a violin solo was about to start up in the background. Was I about to see a montage of my life all grainy and heart wrenching? I sigh. This was hardly the all guns blazing, badass theme tune memory engraving ending I had hoped for, but then again, it was better than being found dead on the shitter. Kind of.

For no other reason than signalling my curtain call I slowly, very slowly reach for my flare gun, every movement god damn agony as I raise it up and fire before letting my arm fall back down limply. I watch the black smoke rise into the softly falling rain. It's almost poignant if it wasn't so absolutely pointless.

"The biggest abnormal there is… s-signing off…" I gargle to the sky, throat filling with blood I assume as it's disgustingly warm. I swallow and grimace, yup, that was blood.

It had been a long, but heck we'd had fun, right? But I can't fight this one, I can't ignore the numbing sensation gradually taking over my body, originating from my nape that I can only assume was partially snapped. My healing is spent, used for the crystal in the throat. I knew it was a bad idea, and yet I did it anyway, and whilst it's annoying and making anger burn in the back of my brain, at least Reiner didn't have my powers. But that didn't really make this a victory, I couldn't get up and start dancing around in defiance now, or even hope to throw another poorly timed snarky remark at Golden Boy's smug face. Nah. This time I'm gonna have to accept it I think, my left eye just went fuzzy. Even I ain't stubborn enough to call this anything but the end.

 _Giving up then? Sheesh you're hardly holding up your end are you? Bit of a let down… won't lie… expected a lot more. You know you could always try to just—_

"Fuck. Off. Petra." I cough, feeling my blood splatter pleasantly over my lips. She leans over from where she's sat her peachy arse next to me, her strawberry blonde hair speckled in the falling rain as it frames her irritating face. God dammit I'd have preferred the cheesy violin solo.

 _Oh come off it Alexia, this is hardly the worst you've had it. Remember when your wire broke mid-flight that third winter alone? You were lying in the snow for six hours before your back finally snapped back into place. No need to sign off yet, just heal, and then get your ass up._

"Look… you're already dead, go j-judge someone else for… a fucking change."

 _Exactly. I'm already dead, and quite frankly I'm not ready for you to join me. It's nice and peaceful over there, and you'll just be loud and obnoxious._

"Apologies… your highness."

 _Don't apologise to me, just get up. That's all the apology I want from you._

"Then c-consider me unapologetic." I gurgle again and the vision in my left eye fails completely. Petra shakes her head at me and jabs a finger towards my face. She really didn't know when to give up did she?

 _It isn't time for you to give into this yet._

"And just who… e-exactly… p-put you in charge of m-my… lifespan? I want a name… so I can go kick their balls in… or their tits."

 _JUST LIVE!_ She suddenly yells at me, all humour cast aside as her rage burns. Those amber eyes look ready to kill in order to make me obey, which whilst ironic, is terrifying. God dammit she got my heart going again, and whilst it stutters in my ears she smirks. Bitch is smug as hell. _Oh look, you do want to live. Didn't see that coming at all._

"Sarcastic… asshole…"

 _Still true._

"No… I don't… you just scared the crap out o-of me. There's a difference."

 _I am you, fuckwit. So stop playing the victim, and keep fighting. You have a reputation to uphold, and you know a certain Captain will be beyond pissed to find out you let some broad teenager shithouse beat you._

"His opinion… means a lot less… right now P-Petra."

 _Lying to yourself in the most direct of ways… hmm that's a new one. If anything Alexia Senefold, you damned coward of a woman, right now? Right now his opinion is probably what you care about most in this shitty world._

"And just how the heck did… y-you come to th-that dumbass c-c-conclusion." I shudder, veins feeling like ice. Once more she leans over and whilst I expect a slap, instead she kisses my forehead. Of all the weird gestures to pick…

 _Because you made me say it._

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

Son-of-a-bitch.

I push my horse harder and keep close watch on these tracks. That was our only saving grace; the armoured bastard had some pretty distinctive footprints. Most of the formation had stayed put, only a small group of us breaking away to go after Senefold and Jaeger, and whilst I don't like it, I didn't have the patience to argue with myself over the logic. I did however try and persuade the Commander to stay, I implored Erwin to remain back, to let me handle this. But no. It's frustrating to admit, but he had a point when highlighting my emotional involvement here – prick could read me too well. And so we ride out, silently following those tracks and for once I hoped Alexia would shift, that she would fight with every brazen ounce of boulshy bullshit she had. But the longer we ride, the more it weighs on my mind that we had heard no bolt, seen no flash. All I could see was tracked dirt, and all I could hear was the soft rumbling of hooves.

God dammit Senefold.

Why did you have to get taken? I thought you didn't enjoy being saved?

"Abnormal signal sirs!" I hear Kirtschtein yell when it feels like we've been riding for days without change. I frown and peer ahead, watching the black smoke rise up out of the forest, and deep down I know it's her. I also feel it clench at my moronic chest that she's saying goodbye. Well no, not on my watch. This time she wasn't getting the last word.

"When we reach those trees I want everyone on gear once the horses are tied up. We take no chances. _Do not_ engage the enemy if it can be avoided!" barks Erwin, and I nod when I feel that gaze on me. I nod, but I'm lying outright. A tally mark will not be made today. Not today.

It seems to take an age, but finally we reach the treeline and dismount. But I'm not waiting another second than I need to, immediately firing into the trees and soaring beyond their reach. I hear the outraged cries of Erwin echoing and fading pointlessly behind me, I don't even glance back, I stay focused on what was to come. Do what you want later Smith, right now you're not my Commander, right now you're just the bastard who made me bring my friends to death all those years ago, and made me hurt the woman I lo.. Shit.

No.

That wasn't right.

That isn't right.

It can't be. Of all the stupid things to think right now, that had to be the worst. Was I some fool-hardy brat all of a sudden? That emotion is not what this is, it cannot be that, because if it is, all I'm racing towards is a corpse staring up at me wondering where I was when she needed me. No. I won't admit to that death sentence of an emotion. No.

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

I don't know when it was that I closed my eyes, but I feel weightless all of a sudden. It's cold, but not painfully so as before, and I don't really feel the rain anymore either. Finally I have some peace and quiet. No more nattering from Petra, and no more commands from the Golden Wonder. No more She-wolf giving me glares, and no more second guessing on behalf of the soldiers I had been doing my best to look out for.

Oh… hang on… that left very little else.

Oh… hang on… that meant I was out of the game didn't it? I'd rolled my last dice, signed the dotted line, bit the bullet, kicked the bucket, slapped the chicken.

Ow.

So why did I suddenly feel sharp pains in my chest? I groan and try to run away from it, trying not to read into it as some afterlife mourning of what I had begun to think of as real. I better not turn into a ghost out of some unrequited bullshit. That was not gonna end well for anyone, least of all two men who I could seriously freak out whenever they dropped their pants to take a shit.

"Alexia wake up right now or I swear to the fucking walls I'll tell Erwin you called his name as you died."

"Y-You… fucking… wouldn't…" I growl, baring my teeth. I hear a sigh and feel the strangest sensation against my lips for a moment, a frown creasing my brow as consciousness slips back into my grasp.

Slowly I blink into the falling rain and see the hooded face of my Captain, pale and stoic as usual but with a stare that makes me feel like I should be blushing if I had the blood to spare. God dammit not even I can deny I'm glad to see him. I smile and cough weakly, only then noticing that he is in fact giving me chest compressions. Well at least the mournful ghost idea was easily explained. Would've been funny as hell to haunt Erwin's toilet time though. But why did I want to slap chickens? And why is he still pumping my chest?

"Um Captain… Don't mean to interrupt your rather… aggressive fondle session, but…"

"Well you lazy ass, you weren't doing it yourself so I thought I'd make your heart beat the old fashioned way. Feel free to take over any time." He grumbles in return, pressing a little harder that time I think. Then I notice the steam slowly rising from my wounds, mixing with the rain, and I feel my debt to him grow a little more.

"Shit…"

"Yeah exactly Senefold, so less bitching and more freaky Titan healing would be appreciated. The rest of them won't be far behind me either. So get ready for that." He sighs, still compressing, still saving me all over again. Whilst I'm grateful enough, this arrangement was starting to annoy me, or perhaps irk was a better word. Sounded better for one thing. But really, did this guy ever intend on _not_ saving me and rubbing my face in it? Did he ever intend on _not_ being one of the few humans I could depend on? On _not_ making me love him more?

Shit…

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

But before I can freak out too much about the dirty word that just made its way past my mind mouth, I hear the tell-tale zipping noises. They are soon followed by soft landings and then running feet. Oh good, people to distract me from the fact I had just committed a very bad persona; faux pas.

"How is she, Levi?" asks the oh-so-concerned Commander himself. Oh me, oh my, how he must have been fretting.

" _She_ is fine thanks… the Captain has… seen to that." I cough and soon enough have the Big Blondie looming over me, gaze harsher than I had expected from the previous 'concern'. Literally on death's door having a gander at his welcome mat, could you at least look at me without _so_ much derision? Sheesh.

"Where is Jaeger? Do the Colossal and Armoured still have him?"

I'm good thanks, got to this lovely spot of muddy earth thanks to the overpowered gag reflex of the walking exo-skeleton, and yeah think my spine just snapped back into place, that's what the popping noise was. Cheers for asking you gold highlighted steaming crap-bucket. He stares and I clear my throat, the chest compressions gradually slowing as my own pulse decides to take action.

"Eren is currently being lovingly snuggled by the lanky bastard Bertholdt into the shoulder of Reiner's A-Armoured Titan getaway vehicle. I was actually… wondering if you lot might have caught sight of them." I cough again and growl as my leg snaps back into place, a small cringe passing over Levi's face at the same time. Mikasa appears in my line of vision, looking at my state and seemingly considering it as due payment on having failed to save her brother. Seemed like we were practically best friends by this point.

"Seems you will have slowed them down then." She says with a nod, and I return it.

"Yeah… n-not enough though… B-Bastards need to be… stopped." I respond, and she swallows hard, eyes soon looking in the direction the tracks continued in. Her pale hands itch to grab her blades and keep going, but instead she just tugs that scarf closer. Stupid girl. You'd let your mind mouth say that word a long time ago hadn't you?

Suddenly the blue gaze of Commander Handsome is back in view and staring with fresh intent.

"What is it they plan to do with Eren? Did they tell you anything? Did they persuade you in any way? How did you get away, Senefold? How—"

"Holy shit on a stick Golden Boy! Shut up!" I rasp, throwing a twig at him, and Levi helping me to sit up as he no longer has to manually over-ride my heart. Erwin dodged the twig but sets his jaw in irritation as well.

"We need information." He rumbles.

"And you also need to allow me to answer each question you dolt." I snarl, and he just adjusts his cape. I take a deep breath. "They plan on persuading Eren over to their less than friendly mind-set. All they told me was some contrived shit about their boss the 'Beast', and his plan to 'destroy humanity'. They need Eren for that apparently, and fancied having my help till I told them to do one. At that point, after bleeding me dry to avoid me shifting in their faces, the dicklord duo cut me loose. Old Armoured Fucknugget then tried to eat me to gain my powers, and then the little bitch couldn't swallow his shot without puking it back up. So he spat me out, and they left me here for dead. Satisfied?" I roll my eyes as Golden Wonderpants paces about importantly, drumming his fingers against his chin.

"So they're working with another…" he murmurs, and I throw another stick at him. It bounces off his puffed up chest like he was made of rubber. "The hell was that one for, Senefold?"

"By all means ignore _everything_ else that I just said. Look… Eren won't turn on humanity, never mind him turning against the Scouts. We don't have much time before they realise that and just try to do away with him as well." I look between my Captain and the befuddled Golden Nutsack. "Take your time ladies, not only is the life of treasured cadet on the line here, but your biggest asset other than Erwin's ego. By all means… take your good sweet time."

"Senefold you can't—" Levi starts, knowing I was planning on being rather heavily involved with this rescue. But I just hold up a hand and shake my head at him.

"I'm already bored of this argument, and we haven't even started it."

"I literally just restarted your heart." He points out in a determined grumble, and I clear my throat as I know I can't very well deny that. But it didn't mean I had to listen to everything he said.

"I know that Le… Captain. But I'm not letting that kid die alone. Screw that." I say with a sigh at the end. The look he gives me is pained, but he helps me up nonetheless and doesn't say anything else. Erwin frowns.

"A suicide mission does no one any good." He mutters very wisely, and I just brush myself down and gladly accept a spare cape from someone's pack. I tug it on and tilt my head at Erwin, meeting his gaze and smirking at his words.

"Your entire regiment is a suicide mission Golden Boy." I then tug on a new set of gear given over by the blonde coconut looking one. Arnold? Angus? Armin… Armin? "And don't pretend for one second there Erwin that you would be torn up over me finally being out of your glorious hair. So cut the concerned Commander shit, I ain't convinced. So either kill me, or get the heck out of my way." I say with a big grin in place, Levi stepping a little closer to me in a show of support. Apparently he was in for the ride as well, and whilst it gives me small tremours to think of him splayed on the ground staring and lifeless, I ain't about to be a hypocrite right now. No time.

"All right Senefold. I'll trust you." Erwin concedes, and I flutter my lashes.

"Oh goody! Now then, everyone ready? We have a big ass suit of armour to dent into submission." I snicker and wink at Levi as he looks a tad nervous. Was anyone else able to read him this well? Or had my eyesight just got real good?

"Artlet, you and Kirtschtein get the horses and follow us. We can't rely on Senefold being able to keep her Titan shell going for too long." Orders the Captain, and the two of them immediately turn about and rush away. I swallow hard, knowing well enough 'suicide mission' was an apt title for this. But then again, the other options were rather depleted of hope.

In either case.

Show time.

I step to the side and take a deep breath. I feel sick even at the notion of shifting right now, but I had to at least try didn't I? I mean… what was the other option really? Get back on the horses, ride back to the rest of the formation and return behind the walls with our tails between our legs. Leaving Eren out here with those two psychopaths and their unknown boss. I shiver and get myself ready. That wasn't a real option to me right now, and in all honesty, having run it through my head only makes me want to mess those guys up even more. Hopefully that actually translated into being able to.

I shift and groan at the release as well as the initial strain. I stretch high and chuckle as I consider how bad I'll tear into Reiner once I'm given the chance. Bastard was screwed. I kneel down and wait for them all to hook on, and once they have I take a long breath again and catch the scent I need. My eyes narrow before I launch into my sprint and we're flying. My pace must be thrice what Reiner was managing, and I only get faster once we're free of the trees.

It takes a couple hours, and plenty of doubting from the irritating voice of Erwin in my ear, but eventually I spy a figure on the horizon. I chuckle. The rain had long since stopped, and we had a clear sky above us, meaning there would be no interruptions thanks to clouds. For once the world seemed a little on our side.

"Keep the pace steady, Senefold!" yells Golden Boy and I make a point of rolling my eyes at the backseat driver. But nevertheless I do as told, and I keep sharp eyes on that figure. But Reiner's pace seems consistent as well, and I don't notice any movement from the tiny specks on his shoulder.

I hear gear being got ready by the team, and I just hope they are all ready for when this kicks off. They have a couple trees to use around the place, but not much. I'm really counting on the She-Wolf to get to Eren, to protect him and do her damned job. For once, I'm hoping she is feeling ruthless, because in all honesty she might need to be.

I see the big bulbous head of Reiner glance back at me, and I speed up a little more. I see that stagger, and I know he just panicked and probably soiled himself. If he had any sense he had anyway. I also glance back for a second, and see on the horizon behind us, the other recruits with the horses. We're good to go. I give out a bark to our adversary and thankfully he does slow and turn to us. Apparently he had enough brainpower to know when the fight was inescapable whether he ran or not. The sound of blades being unsheathed rings in my ears and makes my teeth clench together in tingling anticipation. This would be bloody.

But I had no idea.

As we approach, I shudder as I get a strong whiff of Titans, and I look to the right of the gap between us and the Armoured Titan. Along the horizon, and moving fast, a decent sized horde heads our way with inane grins, gaping jaws and glassy eyes. God dammit. Was that something Reiner could do? Or was it Annie style and he had called to them at some point, having perhaps spotted us a lot sooner than previously thought and planned ahead? It seemed too clever for him, but then again I was going on my assumptions of his zealous side, and that was anyone's more stupid side.

Whatever the reason, and however they had done it, this was going to be even worse than I imagined. Seemed this suicide mission was getting all the more suicidy.

"All right everyone, stay calm and listen." Calls out the Commander, and for once I decide to really pay attention. Something in that voice was comforting, was emboldening, was downright good to have around; be it the unyielding tone, or unwavering pitch, Erwin did have the kind of voice you wanted telling you what to do. Sometimes. When there was literally no other choice.

Okay so not great.

But then again right now I was willing to make allowances.

"Our objective is saving Eren, and that is it! Mikasa, you are the prime form of retrieval in this. You know what to do. Meanwhile Captain Levi will work with Senefold to deal with the Armoured Titan, keep it distracted and if the opportunity should arise, destroy it. But mainly they are to maintain distraction to allow Mikasa her needed time. And above all else, all of you, be prepared for the Colossal to shift. As we saw in the town, his powers of fending us off with Steam cannot be ignored! The rest of you will come with me to Artlet and Kirtchstein on the horses, and we will deal with the oncoming horde. Not a single Titan is to get through. Am I understood?" yells Erwin, and for once I can't argue. I nod, and the rest give resolute yells of obedience.

This was it. This was a seriously deciding moment for us all, not just the Scouts, but Humanity in general. My god I might start singing choir songs if I keep this up.

In accordance with those orders, I slow down, and in the time it takes us to close the gap between us and Reiner, Artlet and Kirtschtein have done the same in catching us up. Erwin and the other cadets head down to their horses, only a couple steeds left idle now to remain on the outside of the battle. Mikasa, and the Captain are all that remain on my shoulder, and whilst I know the others will manage the horde well enough, I can't help but feel a flicker of fear. So many things could go wrong here, and above all else they could go wrong for Eren.

Was he even still alive?

Or was all this for nought?

* * *

 **I know, its a little shorter than usual, but if I don't cut it there? It's gonna go on for aaaaaaaages. But I have made good headway on the battle etc. so it shouldn't be too long before this is updated again.**

 **Thanks so much for reading, please leave a review, fav and or follow. I love to know what you guys think, and am always thrilled when someone new is following or favouriting, really does make such a big impact on me, don't think it doesn't. You're all great for still being here with me :) hopefully not so long till the next one, but creativity is quite frankly being a stand-offish cow right now. Woman needs a slap.**

 **SHOUTOUTS!**

 **AnimeGoddess644: And I am very serious as well, I am never going to get over how wonderful it is to see your reviews! Thank you so very much indeed for the praise, I'm glad it's still pleasing for you as I always worry about maintaining the quality and consistency. Yes I am a bit of a bitch with my cliffhangers, I know it, and yet I keep doing it - what a bad gal eh? I'm so glad you like her relationship with Eren, I was adamant it wasn't going to become something romantic, so the sibling thing is great to hear! Alexia is so sassy, she is probably my favourite character to write. I know most authors don't, but I reeeeally mean it when I say the reviews mean a lot to me. Putting this stuff out there never gets any easier, haha I'm as nervous uploading as I was when I first started on here last year. So yeah, please do know that I mean it when I say they are important to me, and you are a seriously awesome form of support, so thank you! (Christ that was gushy... sorry if you gagged)**

 **Arvan82: Welcome to the fandom, it is a strange and odd place but I do so hope you enjoy the stay .0 by the way, you can never leave haha. Glad to know you can find ways to identify with Alexia, and I'm so glad to know you're invested! I hope this chapter was up to your expectations, and I hope you'll stick around for more. Thank you very much for the review!**

 **Sekiko: My, my another rambler other than myself, never apologise for rambling! Tis a marvelous art indeed :D but yes I do know what you mean about the characters always being short. Personally all my OC's are quite short because well... I'm a shortarse myself. As a writer it is A TERRIBLE habit, and I do intend on branching out a bit in that sense, but that is why mine are short. Apologies for furthering your irritation on that point, but I do hope the pros of the story outweigh that issue? Thanks for highlighting it though, it is something I wish to address in my writing :) thank you for the praise as well, hope you're still enjoying! (I can put her in heels if you want? She'd snap them or likely use them to stab someone but... she'd probably be taller than him then? Just a thought...)**

 **UmbreonGurl: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know, I know. I am soooo mean with my cliffhangers, but I hope this measures up for you! And I also hope you're still with us!**

 **Aysacharles27: I... um... what does "xbg" mean? Is this some strange code 0-0 or was it an accidental review? Either way I am very intrigued... *continues to stroke chin***


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello everyone! I realise there was waaaay too long a wait for this, but hey ho as usual things get in the way. Also, anyone else still reeling after chapter 82 of the manga?! Anyone? Anyway... hope you enjoy, hope it was worth the wait.**

 **Note! This fic has now officially been going for a year 0_0 whoa. I think my other ones will be well past that now, but the anniversary for this one was yesterday, how mad is that?! Thank you to everyone who has read this far, and I hope you stick with me till the end... whenever the heck that is!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

 **Note: As usual strong language and violence. You guys know the drill ;)**

* * *

I've seen a lot of battles from afar, I've sat on my little platforms and wondered how many would come out the other side. How many would be spilled across the land. I've watched those green cloaks collide with a horde, smacking into it like rocks or occasionally piercing through like a great spear. But this? This is fucking chaos up close. This is noise and movement everywhere, this is plans being laid down and trampled beneath screaming feet and clawing hands. This is humanity fighting for survival and my god it's messier than I ever dreamed. In the forest with the Blonde Harpie it was easy to forget the scale of what was happening, everything was close and immediate, and there wasn't time to linger on the masses of dead bodies. But out here I can see every single one, and whilst the Scouts were doing well, there were still the occasional set of wings sent plummeting to the ground for good never to take flight, or indeed an order, ever again.

Slowly we make our way over to Reiner and Bertholdt, Eren still unconscious I think. As we go slowly, I keep my eyes on that hulking Armoured bastard, occasionally pausing to deal with the a straggling Titan who had slipped through the formation and made its way over. But I don't pause for long, and I make a point of letting each little runt scream like a wailing pig before its silenced. I want those bastards quivering, I want piss running down their legs as they consider how much rage is broiling its way towards them. I want them to know how fucking tired I am of these self-righteous bastards with their grand schemes.

These little titans aren't hard to kill one on one, not for me, not for the woman who had lived beyond the wall for ten years. And right now that's what I'm concentrating on. I know the second this adrenaline stops thundering through my system I'm gonna drop like a sack of potatoes and be about as useful as that in this battle. So I keep it going; I remember where I came from, why I was here now, and all that stinking shit in between. I remember the cell when this all began, and I remember the cell with those smiling painted lips. The cries of battle merge with the memories of my screams and my pace picks up a bit, knowing I have to time this right I don't allow myself to break into a full run, but my god I'm thirsty now, I want to feel this armoured prick's blood gush over my jaws and slather down my torn flesh. I had known blood-lust before, I had let it rule me occasionally, but not quite to this extent. I can only assume it's heating everything up as I hear disgruntled noises from my passengers.

"Senefold, keep it steady god dammit, this isn't a solo fight. And this _isn't_ solely to kill the Amroured. Remember your orders." Snaps Levi and I nod, checking my pace as the gap closes and soon enough we're within range. Mikasa would get Eren back and we would deal with the Armoured bastard. Even now, having had plenty time for his sluggish thug mind to process, I see that confusion glimmering in Reiner's slightly glowing eyes. He has no idea how I survived, and I won't let my mind linger on it either. I really shouldn't be here, and once this was all over I couldn't guarantee that I would be. But sod it. This world had taken enough in its time, it wasn't taking Eren today.

Fuck that.

Oh fuck… wait… no.

Everything blurs and I stagger, within reach of Reiner I feel everything shake and shatter. My knees give way and I hear cries of either outrage or concern, but they're drowned out as my ears fill with echoing noise and pain bleeds into my head. This wasn't a suicide mission at all, this had just been suicide. I feel the sinew falling away from me as my titan disintegrates. Unless it was just my real body giving up the ghost? I roar out in warning, I have barely any control right now and the last thing I hear is the zipping of wires and whoosh of gas tanks. I sink my claws into the dirt, but I can't catch a breath, and I can't see a damn thing. Fading is the only thing I seem to be doing, and I growl against it despite the rising tide.

F-fuck you world.

Fuck…

Y-You…

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

I don't know when the hell it happened, I can't be sure it hadn't right after the orders were handed out. But suddenly she's red hot and stumbling like a god damn baby cow. As she roars out in clear warning to us, the pain in that voice makes me want to look back before we leave, but I can't. I can't give in. I have my orders and I know we have to accomplish something on this damned battlefield. Me and the weird Scarf girl head off, and whilst I distract the armoured as best I can, he keeps staring over to where I don't want to look. I try to resist it, god dammit I really do, but eventually, as a blade snaps against his armour and barely gets a nod, I turn and watch her claws digging into the earth again.

She's still fighting at least.

But when her head rears I know deep down this could easily be the end of her. One eye remains bright and conscious to this world and to her mission. The other? The other looks like it's been hollowed out, black and glazed as it stares over and I know there's not a single bit of her there, not a damn shred left. The two sides of her literally at war and she chose now to let that fight happen? The woman was a pain in the ass but usually she had good timing; this really couldn't have been much worse.

"SENEFOLD!" I yell as loud as I can, and whilst the conscious eye widens, the other just looks hungry.

In the next second I backfire and swing round towards the ground, having seen her leg tense and known deep down one side of her was about to lunge. If it was the darkened eye she was hungry for human flesh, and I looked about as tasty as a rare steak to her. If it was the bright eye Reiner was fucked in every conceivable way. As I hear those thundering footsteps I don't turn to see, I know if I have a chance I need to get the fuck out of that wake. I feel the wind push past me as the grass crunches under my feet with my landing, old injuries complaining as I stagger back and blink through the sudden surge of kicked up muck.

Apparently Bright Eyes won.

She throws the bastard to the ground with a sickening crunch, there's a strangled yell from Reiner and he's up again, clawing at her as she writhes and moves like liquid round his attacks. It's mesmerising and I almost forget what Erwin said. The Colossal. I pull my head out my ass and look around as this ongoing tussel of power happens between Reiner, Alexia and her Titan. I see Mikasa in pursuit of Bertholdt as he drags Eren along. He had better hope Eren remained unconscious because if that brat woke up now? Bertholdt and his wayward brother were done for. I hear a ripping noise and instinctively bolt out the way as a sound of falling pierces the air, in the next second being thrown off my feet as a slab of armour hits the ground with a dull thud.

She was tearing him apart.

Whilst it was impressive, and for a few moments I really think she might be able to bring this home and actually finish off the genocidal maniac, I have to consider what would happen after that? Was she actually dying in that shell, and her humanity slipping away with every growling gnash of those razor teeth? If that was the case I would only be able to hope that she went for the normal titans next and then just meandered off harmlessly. If not? I shiver as a cold wind nips the back of my neck, making me remember a set of tally marks scored in amongst so many others. Shit. If she went rogue and went for us, I know I'd have to kill her myself. And it wouldn't even need to be an order from Erwin, in fact it would practically be an order from her. Not that I'd ever admit it out loud, but I know she wouldn't want this beast to harm the Scouts, not one. Well, she might not mind having a go at the Commander, but otherwise I know she would want me to stop her before the beast was allowed to harm any of us.

I just have to hope the world feels like being kind.

Even if it only let me say good bye this time round. But even now I have to hope a little that it won't come to that. Maybe she's just letting the beast out whilst she fights him, maybe she knows she didn't really have the strength otherwise. I hate not knowing what the hell I'm meant to be doing, right now just trying to keep tabs on everyone, but I know I can't do anything for Senefold right now. She was on her own. I swallow hard and turn to make for Bert and Mikasa, knowing I could do more good there than anywhere else.

"OI brats!" I yell, making the lanky fuck stumble a little as he realises he's now got me to deal with as well. I won't lie, it's a fairly satisfying reaction considering how the rest of this day has gone. I whistle for my horse but keep running, ignoring the way my leg aches because right now I need to fight for someone. And I know she was fighting for Eren, so right now that's what I'll do to. So the kid better be smart enough to still be alive, or I might just fucking kill him myself.

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

It's like trying to hold in a laugh in a silent room. You know everyone there is staring at you, you can feel their gaze's burn into you, some looking at your eyes to try and catch it, whilst others look at your lips and will them to split open in loud hilarity. Half of them are in the same boat; they desperately want to laugh but aren't brave enough. And the other half are sternly staring at you to not dare open your mouth. But I have never been good at self-control, and right now I am letting that laugh out long and hard, and the longer it goes on for the less my lungs refill and the less strength I have to even stand. The world slips away with my release and I find things turn sluggish, warm and woozy.

Where am I?

Why is it so damn hot?

I blink and wake into a familiar room, a blanket swaddled round me as I lie in the splintered window seat in my old kitchen. The warm summer sunshine is blazing through the glass panes and making me feel like I would soon be medium rare. I wriggle but can't untangle myself, and in all honesty I'm too tired to do so anyway. I don't try to escape, instead I just sit up a bit and yawn, looking round as the dust dances on the patches of sunlight before eerily disappearing when in shadow. The house feels empty, but I know that could simply be because it is mentally so. Either my mother or father could be present physically, just snoring as they drool on the floor with an empty bottle having rolled away from an uncurled fist, clinking every now and then as it rolls back and forth on an uneven cobble. I listen out but hear no ragged gargle of flem, nor hacking wheeze after an impromptu vomiting session. And not even a clink. I can only assume they've ventured out to either restock, or have a change of scenery and pass out on a pub floor instead.

I look around my home and sigh; I still needed to get those damned dishes done, and then make sure the laundry was at least attempted. My own laundry, not theirs, I ain't touching the piss soaked rags they drape over themselves. I blink again and feel a pressure on the back of my neck, it itches a little and makes me shudder. I frown, turning towards the window wearily and yawning again as I watch the rain start up. What a weird day. The sun was still shining, still making me feel like I was stewing in sweaty soup, and yet it was raining as well. I can hear it outside, plip plop, plip plop. A drop lands on my face and I look up with a grumble, don't tell me the roof is fucked again.

A shadow appears in the window and I frown, raising my hand to shield my eyes so I can see who it is. But at first recognition is robbed of me, the itchiness on the back of my neck getting a little worse as I peer. It's a short guy I think… who the hell is it? I try to turn more, but I feel heavy, sluggish, like I should just roll over and go back to sleep. To let the day slip away into night when it would be cooler, and easier to think. I grumble and squint, trying to make out a distinguishing feature, when suddenly his hands slam against the glass and I see bright grey eyes glaring at me with an anger I know to fear, but don't remember seeing before.

"SENEFOLD!" he yells, the noise echoing around my house and making the dust bunnies quiver. Why did he sound so angry? Or maybe that wasn't what it was, maybe it was… concern? I sigh and shake my head, trying to clear it.

Who was this guy?

And why did those eyes seem so familiar?

I turn back to look around my home and lurch, suddenly on the branch of a great tree, looking down at the forest floor far below. What the hell was even happening? Had I fallen asleep after hunting? I try to wriggle free from my sleeping sack, but my legs are all caught up, breath becoming short as panic sinks in. What the fuck was happening? If I don't get out of this soon I'm gonna fall, and then I'll really be in trouble.

"Alexia!" I hear his voice and shudder, and then I gape, staring at myself staggering along in my titan form, a small figure zipping alongside. My mind whirls and I sit back, staring up at the canopy as I try to cling to something, my whole body aching as I try to focus. The world was slipping away, and right now I was just tumbling down with it.

 _Get a grip, and I suggest you get it now. Stop meandering through your past you fucking idiot._ Sighs a familiar voice, and I peer over to where Petra sits swinging her legs from the branch, shaking her head in disapproval. I feel like I was seeing her way too often, but for some reason can't quite grasp when last I saw her. Or who the fuck she was. I swallow hard and try to speak, but nausea grips me and pins me to the trunk. This isn't good.

 _You're not gonna help anyone this way. All you're doing is letting your oddball life flash before those tired eyes… who the hell wants to revisit that kind of shit-show? In your life how many times have you been genuinely happy?_ She turns to stare at me with warm amber-like eyes, brow slowly rising as the question remains unanswered, strange light strawberry hair shifting in the non-existent breeze. The silence only interrupted by my strained panting.

In all honesty I could probably count those moments on one hand.

And probably have a finger or two to spare for flipping off Erwin.

Wait… who the fuck is Erwin?

And why did it feel weird using his name?

But what did that matter? I wasn't one for wallowing, so why was this ghost making me feel like I should be. But apparently she could hear me, slowly nodding now and glancing back down to where the flying figure seems to be cutting me out of my nape. The Captain. Yes, that was who it was, the nausea surges and falls away a little. My Captain.

 _Not many times huh? So why linger here re-seeing it? Get yourself together Alexia, and get back to the fight. They're holding their own for now, but they won't for long. If Reiner manages to get through your mad attack, gets a good hold on you, Bertholdt will shift. You know he will. He'll burn Levi and the SheWolf alive and then wait for Reiner to pick up. Stop failing. Stop failing them and you._

"How… how do you… know this?" I croak at her, confusion starting to lift, feeling the sinew clinging to my legs and arms, throbbing and pulsing as my real body fails me. Ow. This shift was a bad move, and I have to begrudgingly accept that Golden Dickwaddle was correct. Petra clicks her fingers and a window seems to open in front of us, an eye-like shape revealing Reiner as he struggles against my rage-fuelled barrage. I was out of control. My Titan had taken over and I was letting it rule me.

"Sh…Shit…" I try and get up, but the sluggishness remains.

 _Come on. Why did you even start this rescue attempt?_

"I… f-for Eren…" I mumble, feeling a small twig smack off my forehead. I grumble and hear a low growl through the open window. Petra stands and repeats her question, to which I repeat my answer; another twig is thrown and another growl sounds. "What the fuck Petra… what do you want?!"

 _Why did you start this?!_

"Because I'm sick of this world!" I yell, getting to my feet and panting hard. She nods and prods me, egging me on. I grit my teeth, the window shudders. "I'm sick of those who just want to live, to fight, to be free, being the ones who are fucking punished!"

 _Because you do care. You know humans are messy, and deep down you like it. Because you know you're probably the messiest of all right? You know that to your bones. Now admit it and fucking get the job done._

"Fuck you Petra." I snap, but I feel her words and I know them to be true. I came to save Eren yeah, but in him I see a lot of me at that age. The world pressing down, the expectation, the rules, the watching eyes. And he keeps fighting, and yet the world keeps punishing. Another window opens and I feel the sinew around me quiver as it strengthens.

 _There, not get it done._

I swallow hard and suddenly the branch falls away, I tumble down screaming my head off in case anyone fancied catching me. But instead I catch myself. I jolt, Titan going rigid for a moment as I stare down at a slightly panicked looking Reiner. The world stops its slippery ass, and gives me that precious second to get a damn grip. And what a grip I get. I chuckle down at my foe, clutch his big broad shoulders and launch him into an errant horde of Titans that the side team had corralled into one area. They were still making their way back round to make their attack, so thankfully they only get a nasty surprise instead of an Armoured Titan landing on their heads.

I stand there gulping at the air, steam billowing from the many gouges Reiner had ripped from my flesh, and I have to wonder how long I'd been out. How long had I gone rouge? But that is seriously not the pressing matter, instead what I need to know is what I still need to do. If Reiner was pre-occupied with hungry runts, then me, Levi and the Shewolf could focus on Eren.

The field is a pitted with steaming corpses, and a couple fallen green cloaks. But the sun had only started to head for the horizon, and the rain had long since passed. It can't have been that long then since I allowed my melodramatic pause. I hadn't failed entirely. I turn and look to where a confrontation seems to be happening between Levi, the She-Wolf and the Lanky Sweatbucket. I should get over there, but then I realise there's no point. My approach would only panic the human humidity maker, and right now his best bet was to not shift anyway, he was hardly a getaway vehicle in his Titan, and currently his brother of the Armoured variety was being mauled by the horde.

They could handle Bertholdt for now, and I could be of more use elsewhere right?

It was a bit of a mad situation, I can't lie.

I watch the beasts swarm for Reiner and I laugh a little at the idea of him succumbing to them, being slowly torn apart as he squeals for his mother. But then I realise that side team aren't being lead by the Golden Wonder. In fact I have no idea what he is doing right now. I turn to see if I can find his Goldenness when suddenly the humour is ripped from me. Something I hadn't seen before, and something I really hadn't expected makes me hold my breath. It makes me freeze, and it makes me wonder if I'm even really awake.

This wasn't part of the plan.

Laying upon the ground, struggling as his blood pours into the thirsty earth, the Commander is brought low. Crimson glugs from where his right arm used to be, his teeth are bared against the pain and he binds off the wound as best he can. The bastard I had fantasised about killing, that I had in fact been ordered to kill, was slowly dying in front of me, and clearly in a lot of pain whilst doing it. So why am I upset? I mean it might be because I didn't get to see the moment his arrogance gave way to terror, or indeed hadn't had the chance to clap the hungry Titan in question on the back. But I don't think I'm that petty. Then again, right now I should be cheering, whooping into the sky in triumph as I dance to the tempo of his failing heart. And yet I'm not.

Good God woman what are you doing?!

I'm running over as a Titan looms over him, and I do the unthinkable, I grab the beast's nape, crush it, and throw it aside. I saved him. I actively saved him of all people, and now I know I have lost my god damned mind as we both look as confused as each other, staring whilst battle rages on beyond us.

I hear the lumbering footsteps of another fellow Titan and I turn to deal with the beast. It takes a matter of moments but as I turn back to the Commander I see his disbelief reflecting my own rather perfectly. Not once, but now twice I had saved him.

Then he seems to come to his senses, he shakes his head and waves his other arm weakly, but desperately.

"There are replacements for me! Go after Eren!" he yells a little thinly.

Amongst my amusement at his attempts of sounding strong right now, are intense feelings of confusion. Why was he suddenly all self-sacrificing? I look at his wound and I know he isn't going to make it back, it was the same kind of feeling I had had whenever coming across an abandoned soldier in my woods near my home. The kind of feeling that was soon followed by a pity kill. He would last a while, but he'd pass out before reaching the walls, and then never wake up.

Then where would the Scouts be?

Where would Eren?

Shit, this was the whole reason I had hesitated in the first place. And now I can't escape it. Now the decision is being rather forced into the present moment, without much room for hesitation.

Quite frankly I'm disgusted at the conclusion I come to.

I partially rip myself out the nape after moving right up to him and kneeling down. I know I can _probably_ make it back with only this one shift, but another would definitely consume me, so right now I'm improvising. Those big blue eyes look up at me and he grits his teeth, bright white against the red smeared across his usually pristine face.

"Save Eren, Senefold! Th-there's replacements for me! Save yourself as well!" he cries out, wavering even as he talks now. But I ignore him, I'm used to doing that after all so it really doesn't prove all that difficult. I carefully lift him with my Titan hands and place him onto the shoulder, right up next to the nape so I can speak to him, as well as reach him when attempting to save his life. This situation was getting weirder and weirder. He flounders a little on the shoulder, balance clearly being an issue right now, but generally he manages to stay upright. For all his flaws, he was a tough bastard.

Kinda like a cockroach.

"Haven't you noticed yet Blondie?! We shifters are common as fucking muck, popping up all over the place like damned weeds. Now stop being a pansy, right now I need you to be every bit the obstinate prick I know and loathe. Got that?!" I yell, leaning over and ripping one hand out of the sinew so I can grab the bleeding stump that was his arm. This of course causes a sickeningly pleasing roar to rip from his lungs, but I just focus on the task at hand as nerve endings and muscle are wet against my hand. This was gross. I swallow hard and slowly the crystal creeps out and covers the wound, sealing it as best I can. The cold would numb it, whilst the crystal stopped the bleeding and hopefully minimised infection.

"S… S-save Eren… and get… get out…" he repeats, putting his hand over mine, and in a moment of gratitude our eyes meet and there is no hate. For that moment there is only comradery, and I don't actually feel all that sickened afterwards. A little, but not much. I put my other hand there and hold his slightly dulled gaze.

"Ever consider that I could manage it all Golden Boy?" I ask, and he half laughs. "Now then, be a good prick and stay put okay? Fire those grapples into the shoulder and do your best to stay conscious." I demand before letting go.

"Senef-fold…" he gasps thinly, firing his grapple as told. I reattach myself and look at him again with raised brows. He licks his blood chapped lips and pants heavily. "Th-thank you."

"Show me thanks by staying alive. That's all I want from you today Golden Nugget. Got it?"

"Crystal c-clear."

"Good man. And good pun." I nod and get back in, shuddering as everything slides back into place and I feel the connection return. I stand tall and roll my neck, a helpful yell from my leaky passenger as he points towards where Eren now stands with the She-Wolf. I have to wonder where the hell Sweaty McHormones is but as long as Eren was okay, I could wait on explanations. Levi is far to my right, and makes his way over with all haste. I give a bark of a yell to him and of course he expertly alters his course and lands next to Golden Stump.

Oh my.

A whole new world of names has been opened up to me.

"Jesus Christ… Erwin what the hell…" I hear slight accusation in the voice of my Captain, but thankfully his fellow passenger clarifies what has happened before I take a hand and ping the tiny man from my shoulder. I only offer transport to those that don't accuse me of maiming.

"Senefold s-saved me… she was… sh-she was brilliant, Levi." He says between his teeth. It would seem my Captain had entered the realm of confusion to join us, falling into silence fairly quickly after such an explanation.

I race on and speed up a bit as I see an injured duo to the left: the horsey looking bloke apparently unconscious and Armin trying to wake him. I slow down and nod, picking them up the next second and getting them fixed into place. I was turning into a pin cushion, but considering the side team were heading back towards where we had come, things weren't going too badly.

At least that was what I thought.

I'm heading for Eren and his maternal stalker when a cold sensation grips me. A Titan looms in on Eren with a grin plastered across its inane face. Why weren't they running? Was the She-Wolf hurt? I didn't think she felt pain, that felt too human for her. I race over, but before I can get there I feel this compulsion slam into my mind. I heard Eren yell out, but right now all I feel is the urge to turn and leave, to let them be alone on the field and stay away. I jolt and stagger, my passengers giving yelps as the turbulence hits. I groan and try to fight it, to get over there and grab them both to safety, but the compulsion remains and I shudder violently.

"Senefold? What is it?" Both Captain and Commander say in unison, I just shake my head and hold a hand out for the siblings who have managed to stagger over to me. But my posture is one of submission, feeling weird to me in every single way imaginable. But I feel them clamber onto my hand and I retreat to scoop up a couple more stragglers, every step lessening that overpowering urge to flee and handing control back to myself.

Ugh that was weird.

But neither Eren, nor Mikasa say a word to anyone, a generally weirded out feeling falling over the whole group. So I don't question it further, I don't bother because right now I just need to get back to the wall. I need to head back towards civilisation.

I fall into a steady pace and focus on the path ahead.

My God everything hurts, everywhere. It hurts like hell, but I keep going, I keep running, chasing the sun like it's the proverbial carrot and I'm the donkey. Well I am a bit of an ass, and one that was likely in for a rather firm whooping. My supposed target had been there just waiting to die, and instead of being a good little pawn and letting the blonde bastard fade into nothing more than an irritating memory, I went ahead and saved him. I swear my need to rebel was getting out of hand – even by my standards!

Soon we reach where the rest of the formation was lying in wait by the small town where all this had kicked off. Thankfully they catch on quick and are following as I pass by, not wanting to chance breaking this pace if I could help it. My mind burns with the need to rest, with the want to stop, but I push through it. The sky bleeds to pink as the Walls come into view and I hear small cheers, and a couple flares are fired for the gate hands to see.

"Get as close as you can Senefold, I'll get you over the wall." Says Levi and I just nod, breathing now rattling and a little steam billowing between my lips. "Nearly there, you can do it, Brat."

"SHUT UP. I KNOW." I growl, it ending in a breathless chuckle as he slaps his blade against my shoulder.

"Cheeky fuck."

I get to the wall with a final stagger and brace against it, comforted by the coldness of its touch and strength to which I can attest nothing. One by one my passengers leave, and the Commander is taken down to be rushed to the hospital in the town beyond the gate. I hope it was enough, I hope the Scouts aren't about to be saddled with someone intent on their deaths curtesy of the royals. I had tried so hard. So hard. My knees shudder and I slowly let go, my real body peeling from the nape and weakly hanging there till I hear the zipping of wires. It's him, I know it is. I topple out and grab the Captain's hand so he can haul my sorry ass up onto the wall. When we reach the top I lie down and stare up, panting and gently groaning in general discomfort.

"Fuck… a duck… sideways…" I burble as I lay there watching some clouds meander by. I hear him sheath his blades and then kneel beside me. I swallow hard and look at him tiredly, smirking as he gives me that usual stoic look of nothingness. Good to be home I guess.

"So I guess you made up your mind, Senefold?"

"Either that or I just lost it completely." I snort and as he helps me sit up, a messy curtain of hair falls in front of my face. "What are the casualties like in general?"

"Not bad thanks to you, and thanks for not going ahead and becoming one." He quips with a momentary smirk that I spot through the hedge of hair. I nod and look to where I can see a wagon far below, rushing the Stumper to help.

"Nah Captain… someone's gotta keep you and The Golden Lefty on your toes, eh?" I chuckle, and then cough, wavering on my spot of comfortable sittingness. "I think… I think I need to sleep."

"Do me one more favour and let Shitty-Glasses look you over before you do that?" He looks around for the afore mentioned scientist. I laugh and cough again, shaking my head at him.

"Christ… its one favour after another with you today… cheeky fuck." I laugh into some more coughing with an elegant hack at the end. He gives a wave to Hanji and then shrugs his cape off to oh-so gallantly drape over my shoulders. What's next? Candle light? A fuck behind the supply crates? The pigeons would be gossiping.

"Well technically Senefold, you surviving was an order."

"And I did you the _favour_ of following it." I point out with a wobbling pointed finger. He grits his teeth and narrows his eyes, hating that I'd found a loophole.

Gotcha.

Eventually I get the okay from Hanji and I'm taken away on a stretcher, soon enough being lulled into sleep by the movement and sense of safety. Weird how a cage can also feel like a sanctuary depending on your outlook. As my eyes slide closed I see a frantic Eren scrambling his way over to me, pushing his way through fussing hands with the determination that only that kid knew how to wield. I smile dozily and wave as I give into slumber, sure either Hanji or Levi would explain to the kid that whilst I was a bit battered up, I was generally fine. I just needed a recharge, and probably a good bath, and then some more recharging.

Death picks up his dice and walks away.

I stick out my tongue and flip the bird.

* * *

My dreams are nothing short of a mess; noise, colours, shapes, all swirling around me manically. If this was meant to be a peaceful sleep, I wasn't buying it, or I at least wanted a refund. I had woken briefly when having things examined at the hospital and again when Hanji had taken my earlier thoughts on being a pin-cushion too literally. But otherwise I had basically slipped in and out of this dazed state of sleep.

I toss and turn, seeking some solace of tranquillity in my hectic mind. What the heck was I going to do though? The Blonde Prick was still alive, albeit missing some bits now, and I very much doubted that cigar smelling Kenny bloke would take too long about coming to call and see how things were doing. Did I even want to keep Blondie alive? What the heck did I want?

My home in the forest flashes into view and I roll my eyes at my sub consciousness. Talk about stating the fucking obvious people, I get it you know, I want freedom and I want to be home in my lovely hovels. But then a figure steps into view, Wings of Freedom emblazoned on his back, short dark hair shifting in the slight breeze. Did I really want him there with me? I blink and suddenly the cape is gone, his uniform replaced with civilian clothing and his usually stoic face relaxed into a soft smirk. I drift closer and notice that he's holding a map in his strong pale hands. The ocean appears behind him, waves lapping as his toes as the now salted air moves that dark hair into his eyes, and makes me lick my lips.

God dammit what was next? Me looking down and seeing a baby bump with a frilly dress on? I panic, and look down. But I just sigh and pat my still very flat stomach and sigh as I notice not a single ruffle in sight. Thank fuck – I haven't actually lost my mind.

Then again…

The image shifts once more and suddenly the other Scouts are there too, all cheering and heading for the shoreline. I wanted them all to get there didn't I? It didn't matter if they were reduced to piles of laundry, they were still fighting. Buggeration; I was getting way too sentimental. A hand touches my shoulder and I turn, seeing the smiling face of Petra.

"Thank you Alexia, thank you so much."

I wake with a jolt, and cliché cold sweat on my brow. A lantern burns on my bedside table, and in a weird way I hope it has _all_ been a mad dream, that none of it really happened. That the lanky bastard wasn't the Colossal, and that the Stout Shithouse wasn't the Armoured. That I hadn't been swallowed, spat back out, and ventured on that rather ill-conceived rescue plan.

But it wasn't a dream.

It never is when you really want it to be, and yet is never real when you want it to be either.

It wasn't that I cared about the dipshit duo but I did care about Eren. How was he gonna react when having time to really consider it all? The kid had already seen too much crap in his short life-time, and now two of his classmates were the monsters who started all his misery? He had lost so much already, too many people consumed by the madness of the world; something had to give somewhere. But had really no one known about those two being what they were? I sit up slowly and lean back against my headboard, body feeling heavy and my mind not much better.

Then again if someone had known, perhaps it was better if they shut the hell up.

It was a mess, but at least we were home, at least we had gotten Eren back. At last I was able to sit in this rather uncomfortably bed and feel like there wasn't an axe above my head waiting to topple down and have a go at finally getting rid of me. I close my eyes and listen to the lantern flicker.

It was a rather hard fought momentary peace.

But fuck it, peace was peace, and right now I wasn't gonna poke holes in it.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, hope it was worth the wait and I hope to see you next time! This time there might be a delay for a legit reason other than my ridonculously irritating imagination, I am off on holiday for two weeks in Austria :D haven't been there in... 9 years? Can't wait. Anyway, will be back halfway through july. If I can, I will update before I go.. but I make you no promises as I've already broken too many. *hangs head in shaaame* anyway cheerio!**

 **P.S finally not a cliffhanger ;)**

 **SHOUTOUTS!**

 **Animegoddess644: I really don't like writing the 'damsel in distress' characters and whilst i like to make them have weakness, I never ever want my characters - be they female or male, to be wimpy. I mean... unless they're meant to be... och you know what I mean. I am very very evil for cliffhangers, and I really am sorry for that. Not really one this time though... right? Haha well I hope it was worth the wait, apologies for the delay again and thank you so so much for the review. I love to hear from you.**

 **QuestionablyCapableghoul: Glad Alexia is keeping expectations met! And I'm glad you found it funny, I always worry my comedy will fall flat, but if you enjoyed, then I'm thrilled. Thanks for the review!**

 **Arvan 82: Please feel free to park said ass, there is plenty more to come I assure you... might just take a while. Sorry about that. I think if Alexia had been told Erwin was going to do the saving, or had realised? She might have died simply out of spite! At least I like to think so. Hope the delay wasn't too bad for you, see you next time hopefully and thanks for the review!**

 **SecretWish: As always you give me way too much praise, but you're wonderful for giving such a long review. I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation between Alexia and Petra, i enjoy those delusions of hers, they're a lot of fun to write. The phrase 'slapped the chicken' isn't a real one by the way, simply me being daft or trying to be funny, but thankfully it worked! I like making her play with the names, I feel like she would have had names for all the squirrels and birds, telling Fred the crow to shut up if he woke her early or something. Just little headcannons for my own OC, that's normal right? I know, i know, I am so bad for cliffhangers, and thank you for saying that final bit 0_0 that's some serious praise right there! Thanks for the awesome review, as usual, you're awesome!**

 **UmberonGUrl: I am so so sorry (and a little not ;) ) for the ongoing torture of cliffhangers, and I know I'm evil to you all. But I'm glad you're still here and still enjoying, thanks for sticking around and not being too angry ;)**

 **Zer0 ( I see what you did there): I am humbled! This is a big site with a lot of stories, so thank you, thank you, thank you! A lovely review, and I am so very glad you're enjoying, I sincerely hope you continue to do so!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey everyone! I'm back from Austria and have some fres ideas for my writing, yay! Hope you are all having a great summer!**

 **I have to ask as with the last chapter I only had 1 review, are people still enjoying this? Still reading? I understand being a silent reader, but I really wasn't all that sure about that last chapter when I posted it, and considering the majoritively silent response I am wondering if I need to do a serious edit on it or something. Really sorry if it wasn't up to par, but then again I won't know whether or not there's issues if no one speaks. I really do mean it when I say I'm open to either kind of review, good or bad, as long as its constructive, seriously throw whatever you have! I sincerely love to hear from you guys, and having such a quiet response to a chapter was a little disheartening. I hope this chapter is still okay, and I really hope you enjoy it!**

 **A longer chapter as its kinda development area and also recovery whatnot, but I also wanted to treat you guys as I've been a bit of a shit with updates lately. Sorry, hope this makes it up a little.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT, just love it!**

 **Note: Still stuff from the manga likely to pop up around the place, ye be warned.**

* * *

When I wake up I see the bright light of morning, but a cold morning at that. Pulling the blanket a little closer I peer around my room and find it thankfully empty; after carrying a small army on ones back it was nice to have a little alone time. I sigh into the gentle quiet and hear faint noises of the world outside; cadets bustling about, a couple orders being barked by someone and of course the usual whinnying of irritated horses. The room smells a little dusty, so I can only assume the Captain hasn't been in to see me, either that or he had only ducked his head in to check that I hadn't gone and keeled over in the night.

Very sweet of him I'm sure.

Slowly I sit up, an involuntary groan escaping me as I do so. My whole body aches dully and my head throbs, making me a little less glad of the light as I tug the curtain part of the way across the window. It's like my blood is grumpy. So much strain on my body was a bad idea most of the time, let alone when running low on blood, never mind the fact I'd gone and nearly died too. Apparently my intelligence was waning in the company of these Scouts. Either that or my survival instinct was dulling; then again that actually made sense when hanging around with suicidal maniacs. I click my tongue and look down at myself, not much damage being left behind for anyone to see was always good for someone as unable to accept help as myself. Although I am a little surprised to see a couple bruises lingering here and there, but really that was to be expected, I couldn't swan about the place looking 100% or else I'd probably be accused of lying.

Lord knows what else I'd be accused of in this latest wake of fuckery.

But again, I just shrug my shoulders and slowly get to my feet with another groan. I'd gotten to Eren and got him home, that had been my reasoning and so really it hadn't been for nothing. Only problem being the Golden One. Or rather the Golden ¾. I purse my lips, the image of him on the ground bleeding and clearly in agony making a small thrill run down my spine. And yet... and yet... and yet I had been stupid enough to save the bastard. I sigh hoarsely, throat pinching as I hadn't had a drink in a while. I go to the small basin of water left for me to freshen up in, normally this would be damned annoying, but right now with quaking knees and aching bones I can barely make it across the room, a small bath would have to do.

Until I really felt stubborn enough to venture further.

The water's fairly fresh so I know someone probably visited at dawn. I place my hands in and sigh, cool but not cold thankfully as I cup some and splash my face, running some behind my neck, tickling droplets running down my nape and shimmying cheekily down my back. Amazing how that made me feel all the more human. I jolt and grab the towel to dry my face; I really was getting odd during my stay here. I was glad to feel human. And hang on... my what? My _stay_ here?I scrub my face with the rough towel, wondering where the hell this sudden acceptance had come from, but when removing the towel to look in the mirror I am very much distracted from my apparent mental unravelling.

Oh.

Oh dear that can't be good.

Little red blotches linger in my eyes, making me look a little more demonic than usual if I'm honest. My skin is in fact very pale; blueish under my eyes, and practically translucent on my throat. I have big veins apparently. I swallow hard and look at my hair, a bright white streak running along the front as though I'd taken drunken fashion advice from a skunk. I touch it and find it cold, silky and very much real. It's a good fifth of that side of my head, but at least it wasn't 50/50 or else I would have looked damned indecisive. Apparently that battle had taken much more of a toll than even I had expected.

"You pushed too hard." rumbles a familiar voice, and I turn to look over my shoulder at the Captain who lingers by the doorway, eyes squinting a little when my hair comes into view. Was that disgust or pain? My eyes are still a little blurry from waking up. I straighten and turn to him properly, folding my arms and trying to look blasé despite the growing anxiety in the pit of my stomach.

"Wasn't much of a choice at the time, and I'm still standing right?"

"Just..." he mutters with a glance to the bed.

"Thanks for the water if it was you." I say quietly, and he nods, his thankfulness in the wake of the battle having apparently given way to his usual irritated self. His eyes linger on the bed and he frowns slightly, I only then noticing some shadow beneath his eyes as well.

"You've been out for a week."

"Say what now?" I blink at him, and he nods as he steps inside, closing the door to presumably allow some privacy, or to avoid me staggering off in a mad dash. Not that the dash would be all that mad, just vaguely nutty in this hobbling state. I look at the bed, hand automatically going to the bleached hair. "A week? Well... shit."

"How do you feel now anyway?" He leans against the door, maintaining his distance thankfully, but really I'm surprised at how little I minded him being there. In the wake of knowing how fragile I actually was perhaps I was even glad he had turned up?

Hold the phone Senefold.

Find your balls and hold them tight, this is so not the time for fucking swooning.

"Senefold?" he asks gently, frowning as I don't respond immediately.

I open and close my mouth a few times, a little confused considering I had been sure it was simply the following morning. A week. I head back over to the bed, but stumble rather conveniently, allowing him to swoop in and oh so gallantly grab me. Good thing he's so close to the floor anyway or else I might have been in trouble.

"Guess that answers that." he murmurs as he lays me down and pulls the blanket back over me, eyes never quite meeting mine.

"I... thanks, Captain." I say a bit dumbly, hands bunching in the sheets. "I thought I was fine, really I did. Guess I'm not such a bad-ass after all."

"Definitely not an immortal one anyway." he says, sitting down on the chair by my pillow and leaning on his knees. "Some water? Food?"

"Why're you playing bed-nurse?"

"You know why woman, don't start that shit again." he sighs, reaching over and pouring some water despite my lack of response. He hands it to me and I gently sip it, swallowing hard but cringing as I feel something stir inside me.

"Oh." I put a hand to my mouth and suddenly there's a bucket under my head, allowing me to puke my guts up without spillage or splash. Well if there was anyone to be a quick fire with a puke bucket it was definitely Mister Clean. I gag for a while before slumping back against the headboard, accepting a little more water, but refusing to let go of the bucket. I glance down and frown.

"What? You never puked before?" he says with a distinct wrinkle to his voice. I shake my head.

"No... of course I have but... that's Titan gore." I explain with a small bite to my lip, a little surprised by the anguished expression in sight for that split second when I look up. "It'll just be my system resetting itself."

"Hmm..."

"I'll be fine, Captain."

"Yeah, yeah, you would fucking assume that." he grumbles, grabbing the bucket with force and disappearing for a few minutes whilst he either gets rid of the contents, or possibly hands it to Hanji. When he comes back with a bone dry bucket, I assume the latter.

"Can we just pretend its a bad hangover?" I say with an encouraging grin, but he just stares back at me and shakes his head slowly.

"Can you take this seriously, brat?"

"Not sure... How about I promise to be a good little patient?"

"Do you actually give a shit if you live or die?"

"Why would I?" I laugh, but then I shake my head and sigh. "Nah... that's not true, as evidenced by my rather stubborn escape from the gullet of the Boner Boy. Stop looking at me like I'm a kid being told off at Sunday school Levi, for fuck's sake gimme a bit more than that." I grumble, and he sits back a little, taking a deep breath and apparently trying to gather his patience.

"I'm concerned for you, not berating you."

"Funnily enough I'm having trouble distinguishing that Shorty." I say, gripping the bucket as I feel like I might vomit again. But it passes and he clicks his tongue. "What now?"

"Why did you save him?" he asks with unmoving eyes. I shiver and tug the blankets closer. "And don't say it was convenient or some shit like that. It wasn't. You deliberately went over there and defended him, and _then_ you used yet more crystal to stop him bleeding out. Several witnesses saw it all, so don't deny-"  
"Why the fuck would I deny it?"

"I understand about half of what you do... if that." he snaps back, and I look down into the bucket and shrug, feeling more and more as if I might as well be a naughty kid.

"I don't give a shit if you know or not, because frankly I don't know why I did it." I sigh, but he just narrows his eyes. "Don't say it, Levi."

"Bullshit."

"God dammit Short-stack..." I groan, leaning my head back against the wall and breathing deep through my mouth, nausea apparently liking its grip on me.

"You know why you did it, and I want to hear you say it." he sits back and sets his jaw, and the petulant child analogy seems to have shifted to the Captain. I sip some more water.

"He's better than the alternative. That satisfy you?" I stick out my tongue and he nods with a smirk I may have imagined. He then glances at the door and sets that jaw again, a momentary flash in my mind making me remember how that jaw had moved when kissing me. What in the actual fuck is going on with my head and body today? I swallow again and concentrate on the bucket; if my mind manages to think of something sexual to do with a bucket I will be impressed, and signing up for the straight jacket myself.

"Now you also have the issue of Kenny." He notes, glancing back at me and clicking his tongue. "He isn't the kind of bastard to easily give up."

"Runs in the family then?" I say with eyes closed. "I can handle the old cigar sucker."

"Don't underestimate him just because he happens to be human." I hear the rumbling warning, but really I can't help the smile that stretches my chapped lips. In an odd way the Captain had kind of become adorable, even when warning me against a maniac who would likely want to kill me. How sweet. "What're you grinning about, brat? I'm serious."

"Really? Because I've known you to be so commonly joking. I know you're serious you little Gnome." I look at him and note the fact he seems to be toying with a decision; possibly whether or not to start slapping me every time I mocked his height? "I just know that it won't really matter at the time."

"How so? You can't deny that you want to keep living."

"I ain't gonna." I say with another sticking out of the tongue, to which he again wrinkles his nose and sits back. "All I mean is that you'll be keeping such a close eye on me as usual that it won't matter when the Bearded Beanpole turns up to see how it went and then subsequently try to pop me off, because you'll be there and do your gallant bit." I say with a small shrug, and he frowns again, that of course being his default other than catatonic indifference. I'm starting to wonder how often he had been assumed dead whilst still walking around the place.

"So now you're assuming I'll always be there to save you? Thought you didn't like that, Senefold? Or are you starting to enjoy having allies?" he gets that damned cheeky glint back into those grey orbs, and I wish I had another twig to hand so I could throw it at him.

"Not at all actually, I am simply going with the fact you already followed me to see Kenny the first time round, and you seem to have the masochistic tendency of _wanting_ to save me now. That kinda bad habit is a bitch to break." I laugh, and he nods, looking me up and down and shaking his head. In all likeliness he is probably as confused about that, as I am about saving Stumples.

"Fair enough." he says finally.

"That's it?" I snort, and he just shrugs again, getting up and pacing a little.

"Sorry, I don't have endless witty banter to go back and forth with you over."

"D'aww just when I was starting to fall in love with you." I gush at him, and he shoots me an oddly dark look considering the words I just used. It only makes me laugh more. "Oh c'mon don't get your too-too in a bunch. Let a dying woman have some fun-"

"You're not dying." he snaps, and all humour vacating the room.

Whoa.

Clearly the wrong joke to make.

"All right... sorry." I nod, and he does so back, seemingly thankful as I confirm I'm not actually admitting to the fact I think I'm jumping aboard the Reapers horse and frolicking into the distance. "You know I'm harder to get rid of than that. Takes more than a 80% bleedout, partial eating, endurance course transformation, bitter battle, emergency crystal cast and then return journey to take me down." I smile in the hope that he might go along with it, and he does so, not with a smile, but at least a lessening of that glare. He seems impatient, but consoled.

This man had seriously chosen the wrong whacko to get attached to.

Hanji seemed like a more reliably present and or alive candidate. But then again at least I enjoyed bathing whilst she seemed to view it as an evil plot to remove her from her ongoing works. This poor man really couldn't catch a break could he?

"You feeling a bit better?" he nods to the bucket and I pass it over, having not felt nausea in a couple minutes. "You should rest a bit more. It's gonna take tim-"

"You enjoy pampering this bitch too much." I snort, tilting my head when once again I get that dark look thrown my way. "How's Golden Semi doing anyway? He up and about yet?"

"Hardly, the man had his arm torn off, not everyone is a freaky bastard like you and just grows shit back." He leans against the door, looking to the window. "He woke about half way through last night, fucking fever dreams nearly sending him batty."

"Poor dear, I'll have to make him a get well card." I murmur as I lean my head back against the wall and momentarily close my eyes. I like the image though, Erwin Smith wakes in a cold sweat screaming for his mother and quivering like a leaf as his piss soaks into the blankets. Was definitely an image to return to on a dark night. "Presumably he didn't croak it since then?"

"No, he's in and out, but eating and gaining his strength back... hopefully back on his feet before the Brass try to send some fuckwit in to replace him." he scuffs his shoe off the flooring and I nod slowly.

Who the hell would they send anyway? Would it be some drunken veteran or some fresh-faced son of a noble? Either way it wouldn't end well. Especially if they weren't they type to head into battle, and considering what the royals seemed to want the trajectory of the Scouts to be, I doubt that poor bastard would want to head down with them. I sigh and lick my lips, wishing I had a better idea of what they might do. But whilst I had been their toy, and their temporary – though highly ineffective – lackie, I knew about as much as a piece of shit scraped on the bottom of someone's boot. I had a general idea of where we were going, but fuck it if I was driving.

"Do you know who they're planning on bringing in?" his voice interrupts me and I blink, looking over and frowning as he now leans on the end of my bed. Ninja.

"Not a clue. Although..." I chuckle, and he frowns a little more. "Don't suppose they would ever use the Beardy Cigar Chewer?"

"I doubt it, he can't be controlled enough... at least that used to be the case." Levi shrugs and stands straight again, looking uncomfortable to talk about the man he shared a last name with. I can fully understand that though, so for once I don't keep pushing down on the button I just found.

"Then yeah... not a damned clue I'm afraid. Does it seem likely Smithles will be able to lead again once he's recovered?"

"If Erwin is even able to take control again for a split second before keeling over, you can bet he'll give it a damn good shot. Stubborn ass, but at least that makes him kinda dependable in this shit-show." he replies before suddenly nodding and heading for the door. "If you wanna see him then give me a shout, I'll come back in an hour or so, you should rest more."

"Oi, hold up Short-stack!" I yell as he passes through the door, the wood halting just before closing and waiting. He was listening, but not bothering to come back inside. Busy Ninja apparently. "Why the hell would I want to see him?"

"Though you might enjoy a gloat?" he rumbles before the door clicks shut and his stride heads down the corridor. I stare at the door and snort a little – I'll give the busy Ninja this... I would rather enjoy a gloat. When didn't I?

I doze in and out, but at this point I am far too conscious as my dreams remain vivid and stomach churning. I give up after a while, huffing as I fling the blankets off and stare at the ceiling. A spider was making decent headway through a web, I just hoped the poor sod realised who my visitor had been and packed its bags before a feather duster of justice was rammed up its arse. I groan and get myself up, knowing full well I couldn't just lie about all day. Sod that. I'm just about able to walk upright as I grab my stuff and finally feel stubborn enough to venture along to the showers.

I hobble my way down there, each step sending shivers through me. I clamber inside and shuffle out of my robe, there's a couple cadets in here but in the cubicle I just focus on the thankfully hot water. A little bubble surrounds me as the heat unties all those knots in my back and slowly I feel like myself again. Hah! Myself ya hear? Not necessarily human! I lower the hand I am suddenly holding up to the ceiling with the middle finger stretched out, wondering whether or not I was kinda going nuts. I lather up and gradually run my hands through my hair. The battle lingers just behind my eyelids, but I just make a silent thank you to whatever was withholding Petra from making an impromptu shower visit. Right now? I just need to be me.

"Did you hear about the shifter?"

"Which one?" laugh a couple female voices from a few cubicles over. I keep scrubbing.

"The woman... Alex?"

"Nah, her name's Alexia I think. Why? What did you hear?"

There's shuffling and the sound of curtains being pulled across. I slow in my scrubbing, and whilst I'm glad to know it isn't Eren being gossiped about, I am probably not in the best state to rage out right now. I quickly turn down the heat for my cubicle, the steam making my head whirl again. I suppose if I puke here at least there's a drain right? I feel the cooled water and focus on that, breathing deep through my mouth as I inadvertently listen in.

"Well first off I heard she was dead, like good riddance, right?"

"Yeah, she's been way more trouble than she's worth. You seen the way the Captain looks at her? Fucking weird... I thought he hated her." there's a wistful sigh and I think I might have damaged my eye sockets I roll them so fucking hard. Go jump on his pixie dick see if I care! Hormonal laundry bitching...

"Yeah but that's the thing..."

Oh my, there's a thing.

"I heard he brought her back... like sat there for ages giving her chest compressions on the battlefield! It's so messed up considering she apparently ripped off the Commander's arm." on they go, a couple gasps and hushed disapproval filtering in here and there as well. I stare at the tiling, head pounding with the heat in me and gut churning as I hear this fucking idiocy.

You're kidding right?

I save the Golden Partial and now I'm being blamed for it?

Ugh fuck this.

I don't have long to linger upright, so I might as well set this straight whilst I can.

"Hey! Little twittering titan shits?"

Amazingly enough silence follows.

I turn off my shower and roughly dry myself off, hoping I could actually manage to both berate them and make it back to my room before I either passed out or puked. Then again puking on them might prove momentarily amusing before I pass out. Dammit but then I won't be in my bed. Decisions, decisions, but at the end of the day I know I can't let this slide, so I stroll towards where I heard their voices coming from.

"You little shits still circling the drain or what? It's rude not to answer, especially when you were so god damned keen on talking _about_ me before. Or is talking _to_ me beneath you?" I am meaning to look casual as I go, but have to stick close to the stalls in case of an inelegant toppling.

"We uh... we only..." the first one stammers, her whole cubicle seeming to quiver as I stand outside, leaning against the wall with my towel wrapped round and robe on as well. The icy touch of the stonework is heaven to my over-heating and swimming world. I need to get out of here soon.

"We were only saying what we had heard." snaps the second, although to be frank right now I have no idea which one of them was actually spouting the lies and which one was listening. Right now I'm having trouble remembering which is left and right.

"And you heard what? That I ripped off Erwin Fuck-My-Eyebrows Smith's arm?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Less of the Ma'am you suddenly ass licking cretin." I sigh with a small groan. "If I was gonna rip off any part of that man's body, I can assure you 100% right here and now that it would _not_ be his arm. Catch my drift?"

There's silence and what I assume is nodding.

"Right, and if you happen to hear any more of this shite dribbling onto anyone else's chin, kindly wipe it off and set them right. For whatever god damned reason, I was stupid enough to save the prick. That's right, risked my life and all that noble crap. I don't want a parade, but I don't fancy another adolescent lynch mob turning up in my quarters either. Got it?"

Silence again.

"Answer or I really am gonna get pissy with you both."

"Y-Yes Miss... Miss um Alexia..."

"Yes."

" _Thank you._ Please carry on with your suddage." I breathe, looking to the heavens and give a small thanks for a slight moment of sensibility on the part of the teenage population of this place. I then start making my way towards the doors, slowing as the steam continues to make me feel like everything is made of lead. I hold onto the wall, but I'm slipping, and I breath heavy, knees starting to quake again.

"Oh... a-and one more thing g-gals?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Feel like yelping f-for help?" I mumble as I slump to the floor in a groaning heap, eyes glazing and turning blurry.

Either there is a very loud and panicked drummer in the room below us, or my heart has decided now was the time for me to go deaf; a high ringing noise taking over soon after. I try and call out, but have no idea what, if anything, comes out of my mouth. The ringing subsides and I vaguely hear curtains being pulled back, and thankfully towel wearing idiots running towards me. I can no longer understand their high octave warbling, but I get the general jist that I am indeed on the floor, they seem to have made sure I'm covered up, and as one rolls me a little, I can only assume that warm sensation on my lips is in fact more puke.

God dammit.

And this was going so well.

The lights go off and on, off and on, I think I'm blinking.

But I don't think I'm breathing.

A flash of glasses is the last thing I'm aware of before old Slumber drags me back down into his groggy abyss. You couldn't have waited till I was able to comfortably collapse and choke on my own puke in my own bed? Inconsiderate bastard...

* * *

"Lexi... Oooh Lexia... Leeexi!" I hear the deranged cooing of a large bird, my eyes flickering to the point I can see a messy outline and flashing of dirty glasses. Lexi? I frown and a groan rasps out of me, my throat red raw. "That's it, c'mon, open those scary eyes and yell about things for me. Come on..." I hear the encouraging nonsense and grumble again, forcing my eyes open and flinching away from the lantern light by my bed.

"Glasses sit back, you'll just make her vomit again with the way you smell." rumbles the familiar and irritatingly soothing voice of the Ninja. Just tell me I had been inadvertently dragged back to my room by Hanji and _not_ cradled like a lovesick child by the Ninja. Please. Pretty please with all the cherries and cream I can find on top?!

"Levi would you hush! I am tending to my patient!"

"And you're wearing on my patience."

"I sincerely hope that wasn't meant to be a joke..." I cough weakly, properly opening my eyes now and waiting for the smudges to clear into the two people I knew them to be. Hanji gives a goofy cackle and I feel her icy hands on my brow.

"Still got a fever there Missy, so no sudden movements okay? But do you wanna sit up?" she asks, and I really can't help the way I'm leaning into her touch. Dammit that felt amazing. But I nod as well, and her hands move to help me do so. Pillows appear behind me and the blankets are sorted against my lap.

"So... the fuck happened?" I croak, accepting the glass of water from Hanji and slowly watching the world clear into its usual dull griminess. Their eyes are trained on me like hawks, and I guess I should be touched by the concern, rather than as irritated as I feel. I guess whacking my head off a tiled floor makes me grumpy.

"A couple panicked cadets were yelling out of the communal showers about you having passed out. They didn't really know what had happened. They said you were telling them off for being idiots and then you just kinda mumbled and they heard a thud." summarises Hanji with a shrug and I nod with pursed lips – had to give them credit for admitting that they were getting a bollucking at the time.

"Why were you yelling at naked cadets?" asks Levi with a raised brow.

"Thought I shake things up? Next time I plan on waiting to yell at one of them when they're on fire." I sound like metal knit being rubbed together, but he shakes his head with that momentary smirk all the same. "They were twittering about some bullshit."

"What kind of bullshit?" he frowns, and I see it there, the suspicion over these cadets. Had he thought about it too? How rumours could lead to another late night visit from the more emotional side to their recruitment pool? I shrug.

"They were talking about rumours of me having tried to kill Erwin." I explain, and they both look at each other in a way that basically screams out that they'd heard the rumour too. "So it's gotten around then." I chuckle, very unbothered in all honesty. Well, apart from the fact I feel fairly certain the result of a midnight beating now would be a lot worse.

"Guessing you went ahead and put them right though." grins Hanji, and I wink at her, happy to have the subject changed. I flinch as she presses her finger tips of snow to my wrist. Christ it felt good but a bit of warning? "Your pulse is still elevated... trying taking some deep breaths for me?"

"Um... sure. But why does my throat hurt s-so much?" I start doing as bid, feeling like flames are licking at my oesophagus every single time. Levi glances over before promptly looking away again; did I just see a stupid glint of guilt? I better not have. I don't know if my voice can manage another bollucking right now.

"You vomited again." he says, and Hanji snorts.

"And again and again and again and again and again and-"

"I get it, Hanji." I pat her hand, and she shifts about excitedly. "I realise it's you Hanji... but why do you look so glad that I was puking my guts out?"

"Because it was Titan gore!" she squeals, "And it took _ages_ to steam away as well." she garbles on about samples, jars, jars of samples and what to do with said jars and samples of jar samples. I look at Levi, still taking my long breaths, and I note the tension in his jaw.

"What's with him?" I say with a small wheeze, his eyes immediately flickering to me at the foreign noise. Hanji looks over to her stoic comrade and another shrug moves her about in her seat.

"He's been funny since he found me hauling you into the bed. Said he had only been here an hour beforehand, and seemed pissy since then."

"I'm not pissy." he snaps, and I chuckle, earning another dark look.

"And I'm not dying." I drawl with a cough to follow, and a snarl warps his lips before he turns and walks out, door slamming behind him as I immediately regret my little joke. I sigh and shake my head, feeling a hard flick to my forehead shortly afterwards.

"Bad move." she says curtly, and I roll my eyes again.

"You're the one that called him pissy." I retort and she gives a dismissive wave of my hand.

"He doesn't give a shit about what I say, I could call him the Cleaning Fairy Erwin Loving Dwarf and he would just wrinkle his nose and move on. But you? He gives a lot of shits about."

"That saying really doesn't work both ways, Hanji." I chuckle, but still she isn't smiling back. I look down at my lap and fiddle with my fingers. "Look... if he's angry with me then he can't get too upset right?"

"I feel like that's a summation of some seriously messed up Alexia logic." Hanji murmurs as she sits back and leans her boots on my bed. I trace the grooves of the soles and shrug my shoulders a bit, glancing at the door and then back to the boot.

"I have never been this messed up after shifting before, Hanji. I have to kinda consider, even if only abstractly, that I might have run outta juice or whatever. And this is hardly me making a fashion statement." I snort, running my fingers through the whitened hair. I hear her gulp, and see the scientist shift about a little in her seat. "What is it?"

"Well about that... I... looked into it."

"Did you take some blood or something?"

"Yeah... I might have." she whispers, biting her lip as she is suddenly fascinated by cleaning her glasses. But considering I don't have any industrial strength bleach to hand, I just lean over to tap her chin and make her look up. Kinda wish I hadn't. That look doesn't look like its about to lead into good news. "It's just initial readings but..."

"Spit it out Hanji, I'm a big girl." I smile encouragingly, unable to deny the fact that fear is fizzing at the base of my spine, making me sit back so she doesn't see me trembling.

I had faced death a lot, and frankly I was pretty adept at talking my way back out of his company. But I had never ever felt this weakened before, not since being turned into this by that prick from the royals. Since then I'd felt invincible, knowing no matter what happened I could just heal, bounce back, and fuck up whoever it was that hurt me. Now? I swallow hard and tug the blanket closer. Now I can't even shower without getting dizzy. I realise I only just woke up, and this is all very quick assumptions I'm making, but the anxiety in her big brown blind eyes is not exactly helping me imagine living past the week's end.

"When looking at your blood the first time round it was fairly standard except for the Titan element but now... well... it almost looks like it's breaking down. Like you've watered down your blood or something." She looks away for a second. "I started experimenting with iron supplements and stuff but... well no such luck so far." Her voice is a whisper by the end.

"Oh." I say, mouth still ajar when she looks back to me and squints, apparently guilty when she really shouldn't be. I want to comfort her, to point out that it was fine, it wasn't her job to fix me. They'd gotten on fine without me before, and it would be no different once I was gone. But the words won't come out, my tongue seems in shock and I just kind of blink at her.

"I might still be able to figure this out..." she says, taking my hand and squeezing. "S-So don't go giving up on me yet okay? And don't tell Levi yet..." she adds with a blush even I can see in this light. I tilt my head, tongue finally allowing me to speak.

"Why? Surely it'd be kinder to give him some heads up?"

"No... I want to see if I can fix this before he has to know but... but you can't shift before then. Do you understand?" she says, voice getting sterner as she goes. I glance at the door and nod half-heartedly.

"This really isn't your responsibility Hanj-"

"Don't give me that shit. I want to help and so I'm going to... I want you to stick around Alexia..."

"I was kinda getting used to the idea as well Hanji." I say with the intentio of a smile, but I don't think my lips co-operated. She sniffs.

"It just seems so cruel that this could be what takes you away. M-Maybe if I had helped you escape straight away? No... no then I wouldn't have known you, then Reiner and Bertholdt would probably have Eren and Levi... well Levi would just be the same shell he always was."

"Again... maybe that's kinder." I murmur, rather glad I didn't have Levi to deal with yet. I didn't think he would really be that bothered, but considering his reaction just now I feel a chill deep within me.

"Alex..."

"Reiner and Bertholdt should be very afraid if this does give me my marching orders." I breathe, knowing he would want someone to blame in all likeliness. It wouldn't be Erwin, I really doubted that. And he wouldn't blame Eren considering how attached I clearly was to the naïve little maniac. No. Levi would chose the dynamic duo as his victims, I just hope he won outright and didn't go and get his stupid ass killed as well. Hanji just sniffs again.

"It's not going to, Alexia."

"You're not a fucking child Hanji, so stop saying things like that." I snap, and she flinches back, squeezing my hand and shaking her head determinedly.

"Oh no you don't."

"Oh no I don't... what?" I cough and splutter at her.

"You're not pushing me away with the harsh act."

"Hanji..." I chuckle weakly with a smile. "Fair dos, but I'm also not gonna let you plant little hopeful nonsensical shite into that befuddled head of yours."

"I'm allowed to hope." She burbles, blowing her nose with a handkerchief, a small trumpet noise erupting rather cutely.

"People die. I may not be entirely classed as human but it doesn't make me exempt to that does it?" I take a big breath and lean back, shaking my head. "But I can't deny this sucks... of all the ways for me to go out... how boring..."

"We'll try and figure this out... that cynical sounding enough for you?" Hanji mutters, stuffing the hanky away. I nod, glancing at the lantern again as it wavers, crackling every now and then. "It's late... I should let you rest."

But right now I really don't fancy meeting my demons in the darkness.

They'll have overheard my situation.

Those bastards know how to make good on my weakness.

I clear my throat and grab for her hand again when she moves away. Although startled, she seems a little glad of this reaction, but I sincerely hope I'm imagining the brewing tears behind those glasses now. I decide to ignore them.

"What about Smith? I got a few details out of the suddenly Hormonal Ninja earlier but how's the day gone for Golden Boy?" I cough again and Hanji goes across the room to get another blanket when she just stops herself and sits down again. The poor woman probably had no idea how to deal with this 'fever'; was it a normal fever or was it my Titan having a hissy fit? I didn't know, and thankfully she hadn't asked.

"Funny... he was asking after you as well." She muses with a tap to her chin, she then pats my hand. "You wanna go see him? He was awake when I last saw him."

"I guess... don't think I'll sleep for a while anyway. Too many dreams." I tap my temple, and she nods, being gracious in not asking invasive questions for once. I wonder if I should tell her about the visions I had whilst in my Titan, when it raged out. But then I get it. I watch Hanji pop outside, coming back with a wheelchair a few minutes later. I get all this kindness. She believes i'm dying, she really does. That was why she hadn't been pestering me, why she had taken so little blood, why she wasn't demanding to know how it had felt when I lost control over my Titan. She's being kind because she thinks I'm dying.

Fuck that.

As she starts pushing me along I grab hold of the wheels, small bits of steam coming off me as I suddenly grip the damn things and cause immediate friction burns. She gasps and flaps about, but the wounds seal to an extent and I grab her wrists, waiting until finally those glasses flash as she looks up to meet my gaze.

"Don't talk about keeping a bright outlook on shit whilst patronising me." I hiss a little, fever spiking and making her flinch at the heat from my hands. I promptly let go and sit back, bracing against the swimming of my head. She's blushing.

"I... no I didn't... what do you..."

"Hanji... you would ask a comatose rat how it felt to be a comatose rat if you thought it was gonna make it. You haven't asked me at all about... raging out... or about how it feels to be slowly disintegrating. You're being way too kind or gentle, or whatever you wanna fucking call it. So either be a unicorn of hope... or fucking... don't... b-but make up your... m-m-mind. _Fuck_." I cough harshly, her handing me a seemingly clean handkerchief quick enough thankfully as a small amount of gore splutters between my lips. I continue to pant for a few moments before looking up and seeing her choking back sobs.

Dammit I hadn't meant to make her cry.

I am such an asshole.

"I'm not used to this Alexia..." she whispers, sinking to her knees and placing her hands on mine as though begging. "Either people die instantly on the field, or they die on the way back. It's so god damned rare that someone makes it back at all if it's serious. I haven't ever really had to _watch_ someone I care about die... not like this. Not in slow motion." She takes off her glasses, thankfully having her original hanky to mop herself up.

I cough again, and know I have to at least attempt the supportive friend shit, the woman had done a lot for me, so I could at least give it a shot after being such a boulshy bitch. I swallow that horrid iron taste and put a hand gently on her shuddering shoulder.

"Look... Hanji..."

"Don't go lying to me instead, Alexia. I'm not a child, like you said." She whimpers despite her words.

"Look I know that all right? I just... I'm trying here. We uh... well really we don't understand how I or Eren work right? Fundamentally I mean, or biologically, or whatever multiple syllable word you wanna use." I say gently, and thankfully she looks up with a small nod. "So for all we know this could be a temporary thing, that I... that I just need a little longer than usual to stick back together?" I suggest and she smiles.

"Wow... not bad. You care about me huh?"

"Yeah... you're all right." I sit back with a shrug, winking down at her and thankfully getting a laugh in return. It had probably been a long week for the scientist, once again taking blood and having to hide the results for me. This woman was better at keeping secrets than the royals!

I let her start wheeling me along again, and she softly knocks to poke her head into the man himself's room. Apparently he had been in the infirmary but it was causing too much distress to everyone to see him like that; seems the Golden Snippet still had some fans. I grin.

The Scouts really were kinda nutty.

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 **Thanks for reading, hope it was worth the wait, see you next time!**

 **Please leave a fav, follor and or review, like I said, I love to know my readers opinions and I have never known this community to be so quiet! Or are we all still reeling from the latest manga chapter? I know I kinda am. Anyway, hope to hear from some of you, and hope you are still enjoying this fic!**

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 **Shoutout!**

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	25. Chapter 25

**Hello hello hello! I know, I know, an update within a month? MY GOD! Haha, but I do owe you guys a more frequent attempt! Hope you guys like it, and also thank you so much to everyone that reviewed this previous chapter after the rather barren previous one. You guys are fricking awesome as always, but please to all you silent readers, I really do care what you think. I know I sometimes reserve my reviews because I worry no one cares about what I think, but really guys, i LOVE it. I really do. There is no way I would still be writing this, or any of my other fics, without the awesome support. Just wanted to say it, and now I have, so I'll weesht with the sentimental shite and get on with it!**

 **Dislcaimer: Still don't own AOT, only Alexia the mad cow!**

 **Note: Mangaaaaaa if you're worried about spoilers from the mangaaaa then you should stooooop. I cannot guarantee when and where these details crop up, but I know I am now writing with them in mind. Warning applied. The recoated. Then applied again.**

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"Please bring her in." His voice sounds basically normal, tired maybe but generally he sounded all right. And for some god damned irritating son-of-a-bitch reason I feel good about that?! I look at my hands and clench them over the arm rests. What next? Fantasies about the Golden Lopsider?

"Um... Alexia you okay there?" Hanji asks and I blink, having probably looked ever so slightly deranged for a moment there. I nod and sit back so she can wheel me in. We squeak our way over, chair rattling as we go into the dim room and roll over the weathered board. Hanji sets me beside the Commander, locking the chair's wheels with a loud snap. How things have changed; there was once a time when there was no way Hanji would have done this, my automatic response having likely been bludgeoning him with a bedpan. But I guess having essentially given the man the last few shreds of crystal I could possibly make, and then hurrying back to base to the point of collapse, probably meant I wasn't likely to hurt him now. Though not definite.

"Evening, Smith." I say as Hanji puts the front locks in place too. For a moment I thought I was being shackled.

"Senefold." He nods, looking rather strange with stubble covering his chin. That paired with the unkempt hair, and by god an unironed shirt, well it's safe to say that the Golden Commander looks almost human. Almost. There's still something too bright about those eyes though; I see him scan over me, and I watch that expression cloud as he notes the signs of fatigue and whatever else was going on with me. Yeah, I guess we're both looking pretty human right about now.

"You're looking well." I continue, titling my head innocently when his eyes meet mine again. I lean back as I see something I never expected from the likes of him. Concern. I cough gently and he frowns, glancing at Hanji who had presumably headed for the doorway, but I don't think her expression is entirely encouraging judging from his now overtly worried brow. He looks back to me and sets his lips in a thin line.

"And you're not..."

"Charming as ever Smithles." I roll my eyes.

"What's going on?" He stares at the streak of white and shakes his head. "Is this because of me?"

"Trust you to find the only arrogant way into that conversation." I chuckle hoarsely, and I think my words calm him for some reason. Perhaps he was worried I'd gone soft as well as bruised, pallid and wheezy.

"Do you know what's caused this then?"

"Yeah... I fucked up." I shrug with a grin, coughing again and watching him sit up attentively. "Turns out I probably shouldn't have shifted when in such a weak state... But hey, might all be fixed by tomorrow right?" I splutter, putting a hand over my mouth and grabbing for that handkerchief Hanji gave me, my lips wet with the warm gore. Those bright eyes dim. I wipe my lips clean and fold the cloth back under the old-lady quilt currently on my lap.

"Senefold I... I..."

"Don't you start fucking crying as well." I croak with another roll of my eyes. He cringes.

"It doesn't really matter what I say does it? You won't believe that it's sincere." He looks down at his hand in his lap, clenching it into a fist till a knuckle goes pop.

"Finally, it learns." I grin down at my own lap, but I can tell he's looking at me again. Studying me with those eyes as he tries to think of a way out of this pit. Problem is Blondie I don't think there is this time, its a deep, miles deep in fact, with slimey walls and our hands have been cut off. We're proper stuck. At least I am. "I'm afraid your Captain is a bit pissed off about it all. Reckon he wanted to be able to depend on someone always coming back alive."

"Trust you to find the least human way to put his feelings." He rumbles, and I look up in surprise. The unfeeling Golden Mannequin was lecturing me on human emotion? But the gaze I meet sends a shiver down my spine. Of all the places I expected to get an emotion lecture, his bedside was not one of them.

"Look... I just came here to see how you were doing... and..." I stare at the lantern on his bedside. It was just like mine, flickering away with the occasional snap or crackle in the damp air. It had only been since Hanji voiced her concerns, and I felt that fear slicing into me that I had even thought of this, but I know I have to at least ask. Again and again my hovel of a home, way up in the trees with the breeze gently rustling by and burbling of the world around me, it all came back. My heart, for all its bruised up and messed up self, ached for it. If I was about to go waltzing off arm in arm with the reaper, I wanted to do it on my terms, in my home, staring up at my sky.

"And?" He encourages.

"And I have... a request." I say, licking my lips and watching that flame fixedly.

"I think if there was ever a time for me to listen to a request Senefold, now is it." He says, and as I look his way at last, he gestures to the bound up stump of an arm, an oddly humble expression on that chiselled face. "You saved my wretched life, I owe you too much to damn well account for."

"Humbleness _and_ swearing... my, my I'm being spoiled." I say with a frown, not trusting this new side to the man one bit. I was falling apart and coughing like a dirty old man, but I wasn't stupid yet. "But hey, I guess I'm glad I saved you if it avoids some royal fuckwit being brought in here. At least you know how to ride a horse properly." I try to sound nonchalant, but the fact he chuckles and smiles at me makes me think I was still too nice. Dammit I need to make a stump joke or something, this was getting way too close to holding hands and braiding hair.

"What's your request, Senefold?"

"Can I go home?" I breathe, forcing my tongue to voice it, forcing this weakness out into the open like breaking a bone back into place. I fist my hands in my lap and suck in an annoyingly thick breath. This was humiliating. Of all the times he had loomed over me, lectured me, imprisoned me, made my blood boil with hatred and bones ache with reservation, I had never felt this small.

Never.

But right now all my pride would get me was a quiet room to wither away in.

And fuck it, right now I can think of nothing worse.

"I..." I meet those eyes full on, not allowing myself any tears for fear of fully losing myself to this pathetic display. "I don't want to die within these walls." I whisper, feeling that gaze bore into me as I close my eyes and the lantern just sits there to gently crackle or spit at us.

So many times I had imagined this man's death, and even now I know if I really pushed I could probably grip that throat and slice into it. I could lavish in the moment and sigh as I feel that warm blood spill out over my cold flesh, drowning out all the noise with the silence only a hard fought murder gave. It would kill me too of course, but a part of me feels it'd be worth it. But that is also the very stupid and revenge fuelled part of me that had only ever lead to trouble in the past. For now I'm sticking with Alexia Senefold, newly softened up and apparently weak little bitch. Eventually I open my eyes again, expecting anger, derision, refusal or rejection. Heck I guess it could have been all of them if he was up to it.

Instead I find none.

In fact I don't really know what I find.

The man sits there staring at me, at least I think he's staring at me, but he might be staring through me more than anything else. What the heck had I said to cause this? Or was the old bastard having a stroke? I see no real signs of distress, but there's a small flicker to his eyes now and again which kinda indicate he is at least still semi-conscious.

"Hey... Golden Boy, you still in there?" I wave a hand at him and he blinks, shaking his head. I think he really zoned out. The gyroscope of Golden Intellect had gone askew. "Did you even hear me?"

"I... yes I did..." he clears his throat. " Apologies Senefold." He says, going to smooth back his hair with his hand, only moving the stump accidentally before trying again with the hand that was actually still there. I don't know what the heck had set him off, but that little move makes me chuckle.

"I did that..."

"Did what?" He asks, hand to his wound as it presumably aches with the unintended movement. I nod to the bandaging and smirk.

"When they kept cutting my leg off... felt like it was still there before it had grown back. Phantom syndrome or something right? I kept trying to move it, to kick out with it or something..." I murmur, not really speaking to him. But he nods, hand dropping away from the bandaging, a small patch of pale red there as some stitches are popped presumably.

"I believe that's what its called yes..."

"Odd isn't it... missing something that you never really thought of as something you had to be thankful for, then trying to move it and feeling that odd sting of rejection. Like your own limb is telling you to do one, and all because you didn't give it a wee pet everyday and say 'thanks for sticking around dearest limb of mine.'..." My voice just kind of tumbles out of me, my eyes staring at that pale red and wondering how weakened the man was. I remember the bright shades that had gurgled out of me, painting the floor with the vivid colour of anger, passion, lust, love, death and rage. On and on the river of carnage had flowed. Such memories make my current condition easier to understand; how long could a person be drained before finally they gave out? Perhaps my reds were paled now too.

"Senefold I... I'm sorry but could you repeat what you said before? I promise I won't lose focus again I just... I'm confused." He admits with another shake of his head, and right now I can see this is a long way away from that man who had stood beyond those bars when I first woke in their custody. This wasn't the Commander forging the way for Humanity's freedom, or coldly deciding what cadets to risk. This was a wounded man, a broken soldier trying to deal with a loss, this was a messy human with stubble on his chin, and the smell of bed rest clinging to his pits.

"My request?" I ask, unsure of what part he wanted repeated after my odd ramblings.

He nods.

"Yes... and the second bit?" He swallows, staring down at the quilt over him, not seeing it at all I would wager. "Please?"

"Yeah all right... I um... Can I go home? I uh... I don't want to die within these walls." I cough soon after, that heavy silence strolling back into the room and lancing its eerie fingers through the lanterns flame. It watches us, and I just stare at him. What the hell was going through that busy mind? Was I actually going to see the smoke rising from his ears this time?

"You're going to think this is some kind of trick, and you'll probably want another stick to fling at me but..." those blue shades swivel up, making me feel another shiver of fear as they drill into me. Sincerity makes me ache. "I'm sorry, Alexia. I am so very god damned sorry for everything."

Well... fuck a duck.

No in fact leave the duck alone, I'm being too mean to poultry at the moment.

But aside from that, I am seriously dumbstruck here.

I really have no idea how long the silence decided to stick around that time, but when a soft knock comes at the door, followed by careful footsteps and a tell-tale clink of china, I look round to Hanji. She's carrying a small tray with some cups and a large tea-pot. Four cups. Either she's worse at simple mathematics than she is at hand-writing, or someone else was joining us. I nod to her and look back to Erwin, his eyes still stuck on me.

"Did I... did I interrupt something?" Mutters Hanji as the tray clunks onto a small table before she moves that closer to the bed. Neither me nor this confusing man respond, a couple chairs being moved next, their old legs scraping on the stonework before there's a creak of her sitting down.

"You... you're sorry?" I repeat at last.

Emotions are running through my head like I'd given them a heavy dose of sugar each: rage at his arrogance of thinking that would be okay, confusion over whether that was even his intention, regret over assuming his evil nature, irritation at the softness of my mind these days, hope that it might actually mean he would allow me my final request. And then there's the final emotion, heavy and choking me as I suck in weak breaths. Hatred. I'd never felt it so weakened before, but there it was, limply chasing the other emotions as it was drained and faded. Shitting hell it was nearly gone completely.

"Y-You son-of-a-bitch." I blurt out, it actually coming out in a kind of pathetic sob before I clamp a hand over my mouth and shake my head at Hanji as she reaches for a bucket. Other than an onslaught of mindless jabbering, I don't think anything else is about to come spilling out of my mouth.

"I meant it." He says, looking a little confused by himself. "I really do."

He glances at Hanji, and to top off this absolute shittery of a mind-fuck, I see _shame_ of all things in that man's face. I look away, head feeling like it might explode if anything else weird came about. What next? Was the Ninja gonna walk in wearing a tuxedo and get down on one knee to ask me to fucking marry him? Was a choir waiting to chorus this weird scene out to black? Did Hanji have a secret identity as a pigeon? Was I in fact a sheep in a field contemplating the complexity of the universe whilst lap-dancing a goat?!

Erwin Smith had apologised.

Erwin Gods-gift-to-everything-because-the-sun-shines-out-my-rectum Smith had _apologised_ and meant it. And by god I don't know what to do about that. I really hadn't ever expected that to occur, I had thought of a lot of outcomes but never _that_ for longer than a drunken millisecond. Christ my head is fizzing.

"How about... some tea?" I hear a meek Hanji speak up, and suddenly I'm laughing. I'm shaking my head, tears rolling down my face, laughing my weakened ass off into the darkness that was the middle of the night. "Maybe something stronger than tea..."

"I think tea will be fine, Hanji." Comes the reassuring rumble of his Confusingness. "I just need to... well I need to explain some things to Senefold. I need to at least attempt explaining my god damned disgusting behaviour." He sighs, and the guilt in that tone only makes me laugh harder.

"The hell is the cackling banshee off on now?" I look up at the doorway, seeing a disapproving gaze from the Captain. No tuxedo in sight. "Has she finally snapped?"

"Nah Levi, I think she's just having a moment." quips Hanji, and I hear the tea being poured as my laughter gradually bubbles back down to a simmer of occasional giggle and gentle cough.

"Well come on..." I snort and laugh again before sighing and wiping my eyes. "What the hell else am I meant to do?! This bastard suddenly apologises, I was h-hardly prepared for that!" I cough and sit up properly, feeling rather energised after that refreshing partial meltdown.

"Can I explain?" Golden ElGuiltio sighs, looking kinda desperate as those powerful brows lift in the middle. I accept the tea from Hanji, my hands still shaking a bit and causing the china to tinkle as I hold it, but I nod all the same.

"Please go right ahead... right now I can probably handle almost anything. But... well, we gonna get back to my request afterwards though?" I take a sip and sigh as the sugary taste caresses my tongue. Hanji smiles as I look to her in thanks.

"Of course, I don't intend to dodge that request at all... I just wish to explain some things and quite frankly you all need to hear it."

"As long as you don't break into some kind of heart-wrenching power-ballad, go right ahead." I assure him, and another weirdly thankful smile passes over his lips.

Meanwhile the Captain looks increasingly confused. The mention of my request having made his quick eyes dart to me and squint in suspicion; I can only imagine what he thinks I asked for. It's a couple more moments before those grave tones start rumbling around the room.

"You said... you said 'I don't want to die within these walls'," he repeats, and whilst I am in agreement with him I see a weird light in Hanji and Levi's eyes as they both look to their Commander in unison. The hell do these words mean to them? Erwin continues. "And frankly that sentiment has been the driving force behind my entire career, if not my life, Senefold. I'm not going to pretend that any of this justifies my behaviour because it can't. But I just hope that it can at least make it seem more... more plausible at least that I'm not just an evil bastard."

"If this is about to be some sob story about your childhood, please for the love of my suddenly fashion forward hair, keep it brief?" I sigh, smirking when he looks at me with that typical 'oh my golly goodness how did she know' expression. Humans were messy, but emotional humans were usually easy to predict.

"All right... essentially my father was killed for wanting to explore the outside world."

"Ah... royals I presume?" I say as I sip my tea again, and the way those broad shoulders shrug, and that intense gaze lingers on his own steaming tea, I feel like this was an entirely different person. Near-death experiences did wondrous things. Living to dead, cold to warm, heartless to oddly humble and irritatingly endearing.

"I can't be sure, but I know I was accidentally instrumental in his demise... but apart from that, I had always strived to continue what my father started with teaching me about the outside world. A want to be free, for me and for the rest of humanity. We weren't meant to die inside these walls." He says, and I feel a shiver run through me.

Oh dear god I had waddled on in there and claimed his own fucking mantra. Oh well done Senefold you poetically poignant fucknugget of a plum. I stare at the teacup as he continues.

"So for years we fought for that freedom, I made the new formation, improvements were applied to the military, I thought we were really making strides... and then the Colossal came, and everything changed. But atop all that... atop all that we found you." He says quietly, and I know they're staring at me, my fingertips just gently going round the tea-cup rim as I try to avoid looking their way. This had gotten so awkward I was tempted to pretend passing out again, but I know I can't act and the Captain would just slap me till I woke up.

"Guess I rubbed the salt in?" I clear my throat awkwardly and I hear him chuckle. Now I chance a look up and I see a broad, genuine smile pulling back those lips.

"I thought that was it, she was the key, if I can break her and get her to explain how it was that she had survived out there, then it could all be fixed. It was an instant cure that of course didn't really exist but... at the time... I think I let obsession cloud over reason." The smiles melts away and that shame reappears again. "I treated you like the enemy because you had seemingly accomplished everything I sought to. And that was wrong, so very wrong."

"You're not getting any arguments here Blondie." I murmur, not entirely sure what I was meant to say in this moment. I wasn't about to wave my hands and laugh it all off, clap him on the back and claim bygones be bygones, but at the same time this pathetic look really clashes with his fabulous eyebrows. It just didn't look right. I had to consider he was telling the truth.

"You say all this now... after all you did?" Levi suddenly speaks, lips thin as he stares at his Commander, tea untouched and hands resting on his knees. The knuckles turn white. Erwin looks to his comrade and subordinate, and again that guilt shines out, but of course Levi isn't sitting there withering away like me. He can still rage out if he wants to, and the way those grey eyes glow with fury I have to consider that he might.

"I never claimed it would make this right-"

"Good because it fucking doesn't." Levi snaps, and right now all I can do is look between the two men. Hanji does the same, only she's gnawing on her lip unlike me who kinda wants some popcorn to watch this shit hit the fan.

"Levi please just-"

"You do realise you nearly let me kill her outright?"

"Yes." Erwin doesn't bother denying it, sitting there straight faced. Kudos to him for that I suppose, he wasn't dodging in the least. It seemed Levi was far from done though.

"In fact you practically _ordered_ me to do that. You nearly left her in the field to die when she did _everything_ to save those troops. And then you let her be taken and tortured by the MP's for weeks before doing anything, not that you did anything anyway because it was the royals who fucking got her out." Hisses the Captain, seething from every pore as he remains eerily still. "And now? Now that she chased after and saved your precious Jeager project? Now that she's gone and destroyed her own body for your means and _your_ life? Now she's worth your apologies? Fuck you Smith." He sits back and shakes his head. "Fuck you."

"I know." Erwin says with gritted teeth. "But I can't go back and change the past can I?"

"Oh I know you can't." mutters Levi, and I know he's not just talking about me. He's seeing those two swords sticking up out of the ground from so long ago, those two tally marks against his heart.

I shiver.

Right now this was so not what the Scouts needed, at any moment the word would have reached the royal's sticky ears about the situation. They might have already sent their replacement this way. Right now the regiment needed a united front, not two bitch-faced divas sassing off at each other over a cup of tea. I sigh heavily, Levi immediately looking my way with concern whilst Erwin looks over with guilt. Hanji is just nibbling on the biscuits I hadn't noticed beforehand.

"Well this is officially getting us nowhere." I say with a shrug, and both men sit back a little, presumably having expected some long spiel from me. Not that I'm sure why they would, I've never been a speech giver before and buggery knows if I have the pep talk to get them put to rights. There's been more shit than usual piling out of my mouth, but then again right now I was mainly puking it rather than... spewing it... right not actually that much difference. But 'blurghflumble' was very different to 'Oh my meaningful emotionalness shall amaze you all, interlude of childhood trauma and justification of behaviour, I better see tears in those eyes Golden Shaft and Grumpy Ninja! Badabingbadaboom everything's resolved and let's have an orgy'.

Seriously.

What the hell is going on in my head?

"You can't seriously forgive this shit?" scoffs Levi, and really what catches me off guard is the way I look at him; that tone in his voice annoying me more than anything else. Since when was he allowed to speak to me like I was a kid? I think the arch to my eyebrow makes him wake up a bit, unbunching his knickers as he sits back and finally taking a calming sip of that damned tea.

"You can't seriously think I care what you have _decided_ I should think and feel?" I retort before shifting my weight and setting my cup back down on the table with a soft clink. "Look... we've all done messed up things, lets face it that comes with the fucking job. But right now? I am willing to accept a few things."

"Accept?" Questions the petulant Captain. I nod.

"I can accept the fact that Stumplestiltskin is feeling some shame, I accept the fact he's looking back and cringing at the horrible shit he has pulled. I accept that small victory whilst the rest of the world continues to shit all over us." I say with a pointed look at the two men, and they concede slightly. Though Golden Bedpan looks a little confused by my new name for him until he looks at the stump in question and rolls his eyes. Keep up StubbleStump. Christ I love this new cornucopia of possibilities!

"Fine. Accept all that if you want, I'm not going to so easily... but like you say, this is getting us nowhere." Levi surmises with a clearing of his throat. He then drains his cup and sets it back town a bit too hard to convince anyone he was fine. His eyes linger on the table before slowly moving to once again land on me. "So what was this request?"

Oh poop.

"Senefold wants... Alexia wants to go home."

"Hardly a revelation." Levi mutters, and Erwin looks to the side.

"She wishes to go home in order to die there."

Quite frankly I want to stuff my wheelchair down his throat. Yes, technically all true and valid you overgrown sunflower, but considering the manner in which I have already outlined your Captain's attitude towards this situation? So _not_ the way to put it. Suddenly it's like a Northern gale has been unleashed in the room and I shiver under Levi's glare despite the fact I haven't even looked at him yet.

"Are you allowing this?" demands Levi, and I hear Erwin sigh, the soft plop of more tea being added to his cup as Hanji presumably pours with bated breath. At least she was getting a good show out of all this.

"Right now Levi I don't particularly feel like I can deny her-"

"I meant are you allowing her to give up like a damned coward? Did losing your arm also make you totally lose your nerve?" says Levi curtly, tone nipping at us all. I grit my teeth, refusing to rise to such an obvious reverse psychology jab. I'm not fucking giving up, I'm accepting the fact I might be on my way out. It wasn't the same...

"Levi..." Hanji warns, but I can already sense he's too far gone to listen. It really wasn't the same – was it? I swallow hard and look at my hands as they continue to tremble slightly, remembering how I had clung onto life down in those dungeons. Both times. And then up in the trees when my body was failing me there, on and on I fought and yet I always seem to end up back in this position. Back in the dirt to cough and bleed, to wheeze and sweat. Maybe that's it?

"Is it cowardice or just wizing up?" I say, not surprised by the ongoing icy glare being sent my way. Apparently his concern didn't stretch so far as to give me a break, in fact there's a certain similarity to this look, to the one he gave me all that time ago when he was ordered to beat me into submission. Only this time he's not under any orders except his own.

"What shit are you saying now?" He shakes his head with what I sincerely hope _isn't_ disgust. If it is? Then sod the wheelchair, I'll send his skinny ass down the HQ steps faster than he can suck Erwin's dick.

"Think about it _Captain._ Use that brain for once, go on, just fucking try it out. Over and over I have been beaten down, broken, and expected to just stand back up, brush it off and keep going. Maybe this is my body finally giving me a sign I cannot ignore."

"Sounds like an excuse to me."

"Then clean out your ears you daft prick, and maybe remove your head from between your pent up arse cheeks whilst you're at it!" I snap, coughing afterwards, shoulders shuddering with it. Every expression turning to worry. I suck in a breath and grit my teeth. "Ya think I wanna die like this? That I want to sit here and slowly disintegrate into myself like those twelve meter meat bags we leave to steam out of existence on the field? Hm? You really think I want this?!" I cough again, eyes feeling warm.

"No, but you're giving in so easily for you. Usually you fight so much harder." he retorts, looking away again.

"Am I fuck doing this easily! If there's anything I can try, do let me know, but right now? All I wanted was to know if the Commander Lefty here would at least consider letting me go home if I am actually heading out. And he is. I ain't saying I'm just going to wander out there right this second and lay down to be bird feed. Stop treating me like a fucking child you patronising wanker." I croak by the end, coughing and hacking away for a good few minutes, wiping my mouth yet again. Hanji sighs and reaches into her pocket, a small clear liquid filled vial appearing a moment later.

"It isn't much, but this might ease the coughing? It's a tonic I devised a year ago or so... used on everyone else when the winter hits. It usually helps a bit so... even if it only eases the discomfort?" She holds it out, and of course I take it. My pride, unlike the Steaming Shortcake over here, isn't so stringent that I won't accept help. God dammit I want help. I want to live. Levi is staring at the table top, apparently seething, but in all fairness to the hormonal prick I think it's at the situation rather than any of us. I pop the cork off and take a sip of the tonic, grimacing as the taste of bitter cheese and liquorice layers over my tongue, but the warmth at the back of my throat is at least pleasant.

"Thanks Hanji..."

"Least I can do, Alexia." she nods, cheeks a little pink as I see her eyes shine. The daft woman was still blaming herself wasn't she? I had never seen her as the type, but then again this situation was hardly common. I sit back and sigh.

"Despite tasting like vomit, it feels pretty good." I grin at her and she beams back.

"Ever since you woke up you've been joking about dying..." Mumbles Levi suddenly, and I can't avoid cringing back from the broken look to him. It's like I just kicked a puppy. "Like you've already accepted it."

I lean over to flick his forehead, meriting an irritated growl just like I expected.

"If it scares the shit out of me I tend to joke about it, amazing that you haven't cottoned onto that yet, Captain." I say as I sit back again with a small wince. "In this shitting world the best thing to do is laugh your way through it instead of babbling or whimpering like a tit." I shrug and lean my head back for a second, drawing a long breath before looking to Erwin finally. "So Stumpy, are we agreed? If my condition gets any worse and it's fairly obvious I'm heading for a one way ticket, I can go and die in my own home?"

"Yes." he agrees with suitably solemn tones.

"Right, so I can nick a horse right?" I waggle my brows and he chuckles with a nod to follow. I feel like I just asked my father for the family cart Saturday night. Yeesh this was too cosy. Hanji is about to speak when suddenly the Captain finds his voice again.

"You're not going alone."

I look to the heavens for additional patience.

"Yes I am."

"No. No way are you doing that, you'd be killed on the field in seconds in this state." He rumbles, and if it weren't for the dull ache along my spine I'd have leaned over to flick at that furrowed brow again. I know what he's seeing, he's seeing me lying there unmarked and unremembered, but the problem is that I still see that as the better option. Not ideal, but better than dying here.

"So what're you suggesting? You take me out there, hold me close and then what? Head back _by yourself_ to the walls?" I tilt my head as the obvious contradiction arises and he sits back with a clenched jaw. I sigh. "Who knows... it might not even come to it right?"

"Eren could take you out there?" Suggests Hanji quietly into her cup, flinching a little as she sees the anger light in Levi's eyes. This was ridiculous, I feel like the popular toy being fought over! "Just saying... he could take you both out there. Rest up as Alexia is made comfortable and then carry you ba-"

"This is so messed up, can we stop?" I say with a click of my tongue. "We'll play it by ear and figure it out. For now... there's not point in discussing it if it's never gonna come to anything. Agreed?" I look to each of them, and thankfully one by one they nod and a slightly less tense silence takes over from there.

It wasn't a great resolution, but at least I knew where I was staggering now.

I'd say standing but let's face it, right now that was very inaccurate.

"So... What's the next step otherwise?" I ask, nibbling on a biscuit myself after Hanji offered them round. It was weird to think that these three had ever done this before. With all the drama going around the place, these three sit down and share a pot of tea whilst discussing the future of humanity. Very odd.

"In what sense?" Asks Erwin, scratching at his stubble and attempting to flatten the wayward bedhead. He fails and it is still messily glorious.

"In the sense that you're still bed-bound and the royals will likely be sending in a replacement any day now. If they haven't already."

"And you would know this because?" He smirks and I mirror it with a shake of my head.

"You totally knew didn't you?" I snort, Levi becoming slightly animated as he cottons on to what we're referring to. Somehow this Commander of ours had figured out that I had been sent to kill him, and on top of that he hadn't done anything about it? "How long did you know I was ordered to do it?"

"Pretty much since you were released by the MP's." He chuckles and Hanji is still looking between us in confusion. Poor woman was likely going a little bit madder with every passing second. I look to her and grin.

"They ordered me to kill the Golden Boy. Was a term of my release."

"Oh... oh right..." she breathes, glasses flashing and really I don't know if she's shocked or excited about that revelation. Then again she might have made similar deductions.

"Not that I think it matters much now, but they might be peeved that I saved him." I laugh with a small cough and thankfully Hanji ends up joining in, shaking her head.

"Didn't they get the memo on your attitude towards orders?"

"C'mon Hanji! Those inbred fuckwits can't read." I end up giggling, and when I glance to Levi I see the ghost of a smile there as he blows on the steam off his refilled cup.

"I think the next step is... prepare for the worst." summarises Erwin.

"Wow... so intricate and detailed Golden Boy, I love it."

"Well... really it's hard to decide on what to plan because really we have no idea how desperate they have become. However, I think it's imperative that we avoid them knowing of your weakened state, Senefold." Says the Commander, and I agree completely. If those bastards knew I was no better than a rubber duck partially melted, they would hit hard and fast. The face of Kenny flashes into mind and I turn to the Captain.

"You think they'll send Kenny this way?"

"Kenny? As in... Kenny Ackerman?" Erwin sounds a little surprised for once, and both me and the Captain are nodding in confirmation. Levi's lips are pursed thin as he thinks, eyes glancing my way every now and then as it rolls through his mind.

"It's either that, or the replacement. Personally I'd prefer it to be Kenny, I know how to deal with that bastard at least... but then again the replacement could just be some high end stuffed shirt." A tired sigh leaves him and he scrapes his hair back. "We'll just have to see... what was it you said, Senefold? Play it by ear?"

"Yeah... that's about the long and short of it."

It was amazing to think that the military best of the best had literally sat discussing their shitty situation for however god knows long, and come up with 'meh, we'll figure it out as we go.'

Yeah. We were kinda nutty weren't we?

* * *

 **3RD PERSON POV**

She strides through the crowds with a set expression of irritation and superiority. The MP's disperse before her, not one standing up to that determined gaze as she marches for the wagon. Without her signature red painted lips the woman was a little hard to recognise to anyone that hadn't seen her in uniform, but the eyes remained as hard as ever. Like broiling gimlets. Her dark hair sways in the pony-tail and her claw like hands grip the reins tight, her wagon filled with enough personal supply for a month.

One month.

It was said she was to take over command whilst Erwin recovered, but no one expected her to return. They knew this was leading to a change in command, but what they didn't know was how she intended to make that come about. Erwin was the first Commander to take over from his predecessor whilst said predecessor remained alive. Shadis was a damned coward as far as the woman was concerned, flicking the reins and beginning her journey. Not only had Shadis given into his own weakness, but he had allowed the new formation into play. Bad move. The Scouts had been doing as intended before that: learning bugger all whilst dying in swathes. It allowed the more restless civillians a means of hope of leaving the walls, whilst avoiding anything actually coming from it, as well as killing off any civilians actually moronic enough to want to leave immediately. Two birds with a big bloodied stone.

But then Shadis quit.

The woman grumbles as she rattles along the cobbles, remembering the way those first few reports of diminished casualties had sat on her desk mocking her over and over. Every single time it set her teeth on edge as those winged bastards edged closer to the truth, or worse yet, victory. On and on it went until finally Smith took over and the deal with the devil seemed complete. Whilst she herself was indeed royal, it didn't stop her finding the paranoia and panicked nature of her fellow noblemen bloody annoying. Seemed they had all forgotten the idea of dignity around the same time the Civilians forgot their own damned history.

And then they found _her_.

She was meant to be dead.

She was meant to be nothing more than an irritating memory, a black sheep of the family long since swept under the thus far bulging carpet.

But no.

As the Colossal came and blasted through, panic and fear had soared. It was a good day for those holding the leash as more and more civilians seemed all too eager for their collars. But then _she_ went and fucked it all up. Damn Senefold. If the shifters had just stayed out of the way, no one would have known, no one would have figured it out, or if they had they could have been dealt with. The woman grits her teeth as she thinks of the damned scientist behind those big flashing glasses. It had only been a matter of time before that name was written on the kill list; these people with curious minds just caused issue, they just made a mess!

So now she had to step in herself.

What with one thing happening after another, there was no time to lose now, and the gift of a mauled Erwin Smith was too good to pass up. For whatever reason Senefold had gone against orders, and Kenny was proving irritating when it came to following up on shit. So now the woman herself would step in; killing both Smith and Senefold if it came to it. The power of her relation was clear, even when having Senefold chained up the fire in those dark eyes was intimidating. It would have been a serious advantage having Senefold on their side, but the woman sighs as she feels it once again confirmed in her mind that that was never going to happen.

And if Senefold wouldn't behave then Senefold would just have to go.

Two birds with one bloodied stone.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading! I realise it was another one with a lot more talking than anything else, but considering all the shit that hit the fan a couple chapters ago, I reckon it's been needed for recovery? Haha, also some big revelations characterwise I hope everyone will agree!**

 **Please leave a review, fav and or follow, love to know people are STILL reading and STILL signing up to be dragged along this mad track. I have no ending in mind yet, so there is plenty more to come! See you next time!**

 **SHOUTOUTS**

 **MadnessIsContagious96: Aw animegoddess was a lovely name! And you have been here for a looong time, so really thank you for the ongoing support! I didn't know you could change your name on here... not that I plan to, but the more you know! Thank you for never givig a false review, I never want empty praise etc etc, so thank you very much indeed for taking the time to explain! Apologies for the depressing tone... not exactly cheered up much this time either! But at least there was some laughter? Haha, hope you enjoyed and see you next time!**

 **UmbreonGurl: Haha I am occasionally a lurker as well, easily done, just typical it happened on a chapter I was MAJORYL unsure of haha. So glad you liked it, and so glad to know you're still here with us! I love making up the nicknames, which i usually do on the spot, or occasionally get an idea whilst out and about my normal day... not an easy thing to explain when I randomly grin and mutter Golden Partial when in the vegetable section of a supermarket... Haha really?! Lol perhaps I should have Robyn start giving Erwin abuse? Nah... I have written him very different in that fic. Alexia has too much spunk... Alexia is a pain in the ass haha! Thank you so much for reviewing, love to hear from you, hope you're still enjoying!**

 **XBeccaX: Alexia is meant to be worrying you haha, I never want anyone to believe someone has immunity because they're a main character :P I kill off my OC's in my own work VERY easily haha! But I am glad to know you're so invested, as well as convinced by her fragility. I was worried no one would be convinced after her previous feats of badassery. But sometimes something just gives and you have to seriously recover, poor Alexia, I am being rather mean to her! And yeah Levi is pretty much fit to blow now, gritting his teeth down to the wick i would imagine. Silly emotionless Ninja. Glad you're still enjoying the names, I still love making them. Thanks for the review and hope to see you next time!**

 **SecretWishX: You are such a sweetheart! I never get over your reviews! Thanks so much for the kind praise, and I'm glad her tone continues to amuse you! Haha I think sometimes I do make the chapters go on too long, but then I leave it so long between sometimes that I reckon it evens out! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the Hanji moment, I was really nervous that I had either over done it or under done it! Yeah, the shower scene was a lot of fun to write actually. I make no promises ;) but Alexia's a tough bird, she won't go down without one buggery of a fight!**

 **Thank you everyone!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello again everyone, a 2 weekish update, bit slower but I'm still under a month so I'm going to go right ahead and call that a frickin' WIN. Anyway, hope you're all well etc. I am currently hiding in my flat as the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is now on and 0_0 there are SO MANY tourists... and whilst I am used to this trend, the capital city never being particularly quiet, what I cannot get over is how many of them think its ok to just STOP walking in the middle of the pavement! I mean MY GOD people! A woman can only withhold so many back-handed slaps in one walk to the feckin' shops! Rant over, carry on... *incoherent angry scottish grumbling***

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own AOT.**

 **Note: MANGAAAAAAA THERE IS STUFF FROM THE MANGAAAAAAAAA beyond Season 1 etc etc etc warning, careful, spoilers, if you don't have the idea by now you need to learn to reeead! Anyway, warning applied.**

 **Right shall we see how they're getting along?**

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

The four of us sat talking until the small hours of fuck knows when. Eventually I'm dropping off to sleep, head lolling every now and then as I try and maintain consciousness. Levi doesn't even bother asking me, unlocking the wheels on my chair and bidding the other two a good night. Probably should've been good morning but I can't be bothered to even point this out. Normally I would have protested of course, outraged by this lack of thought to my own wishes on my own bed-time, but fuck it I'm sleepy. I lean back in the chair and sigh, the soft rumble of the wheels against the stonework as he rolls me back to my bunk pleasing in a way.

"Thanks..." I murmur with my head hanging back slightly. I think I almost hear a chuckle, but it could have been him clearing his throat instead. I look up, seeing the underside of his jaw with a very slight smattering of stubble due to a long day, a grin stretching my lips at the thought of an unkempt Levi.

"You're welcome." He says it so quietly and as I open my eyes again I find him staring ahead, swallowing hard as he slows down outside my door. I sit up and look along the corridor, a couple cadets in the nightclothes, whispering as they look our way. "Oi, brats! Take a piss and get the fuck back to your bunks."

"Y-Yes sir!" They squeak before bumping into each other and moving on.

I chuckle softly, glad of Hanji's tonic as finally not every breath catches in my throat to lead to a coughing fit. Levi opens my door and then moves me inside, shutting it and lighting the lantern despite the pale light of dawn beginning to bleed through the thin curtains.

"Won't be long till the sun's up." I murmur, fingers playing with my bleached hair. He just nods. "Sorry for keeping you up so late. Guess once you start gabbing it's hard to... stop." I laugh, coughing slightly but thankful to feel no gore. I swallow and look to my basin, getting up gingerly and heading over.

"What're you doing? Sit down." He says, having been sorting the sheets out for me. I wave him off and pick up my toothbrush, sighing at the taste of mint as I gently run it along my teeth and tongue. "Damn brat."

I raise a hand and flip the bird over my shoulder, earning more muttering whilst I finish up and rinse my mouth out. I watch the bubbles slip down the drain and I glance in the mirror. There was a little more colour in my face now I think, at least I didn't look quite as ghoulish. The bleached hair is bright though, like snow on a mountain-top. Hard to ignore really.

"I have enough strength to brush my teeth, Levi." I say, turning and heading to the bed once I'm done.

He just sighs in response, moving towards me and taking an arm to help me into the bed. I find this nursing side very odd, he isn't soft enough for it not to look completely wrong. I feel like he's gonna demand 50 laps from me any second, or even berate me on my hobbling form, offering advice on how to do it properly. I laugh gently as I remember the last time he sent me on laps, and the rather amusing discussion it lead to.

Dammit that felt like a lifetime ago.

"Just let me help what little I actually can?" He sounds angry, but there's an edge of pleading there. I sit down on the bed and look up at him, watching him busy himself around my already spotless room. The fact he had lingered this long was confusing, I didn't know what to say to him at all. Just what did he want from me? I can't magically snap my fingers and be all right again. If I could I fucking would!

He rolls the chair to the side.

The tension seems to grow with each slow turn of the wheel.

His hands move quickly, fixing the curtains, cleaning up the basin, he even disappears to refresh the water I used to clean up a bit with earlier. My eyes stay glued to that door, and for an odd second I have the worry that he won't come back. I look down at my lap and wonder where the hell that kind of fear had come from. A loner was the way I was, I was more than happy to spend months at a time alone with only the squirrels to chat with. Yet 30 seconds of him being out of my room and I feel my heart pick up? If I could have done a decent job of it I'd have slapped myself, as it was I just clench my hands and feel a small pinch as I dig my nails into my palms.

When he comes back he doesn't look my way, in fact he just sets the basin down and stands there looking at the water as it gently sloshes back into stillness. I stare at his back, it gently contracts with his breathing, shoulders ever so slightly hunched as the weight of everything pulls down on him. Maybe that was why he was so short? I smile to myself and shake my head. He's scared. I'm fucking scared too, but I know which one of us is gonna have to be brave here; the stupid prick that he is, he's gone right ahead and bottled it all up, storming off when it gets too much and leaving everything unsaid. I ain't a poet, or great at accessing the whole 'emotion' side to my brain, but I know he's in pain. Like when you see a dog favouring the other foot.

"Levi you need to-"

"You can't die." He breathes, moving away from the basin and staring out the window, hands clenched by his side and his jaw tensed. I swallow and shuffle back in the bed, his head slowly turning to me and shaking from side to side. "You can't."

"I think my body would beg to diff-"

"Please." He spits, looking like he's fighting everything inside himself in order to say it.

Seeing him like that makes me feel cold to the bone, but I can't berate him for it either. A man with so much pride shouldn't be doing this, a man so hell-bent on controlling himself should definitely not be doing. By God this Ninja man with all his walls and defences shouldn't even know _how_. But there he was, allowing a small crack in those defences to say a small snippet of what he had been withholding. As much as I want to brush it off with my shite humour, or gloss over it with a badly timed remark, I know I can't. This time I can't deny him.

"I... I'm sorry." I frown, the words taste odd on my tongue. I cough gently, but again it's just a tickle and nothing more. Hanji you're a wonder worker. I look up and see him staring, my back automatically leaning further away, pressed against the wall as those bright eyes scorch at me.

"You shouldn't be saying that." He murmurs, blinking and keeping his eyes closed.

I see a tear I think.

I can't fucking take this.

I don't know how to comfort anyone, not a wounded dog or a man I had weirdly enough grown to care for. I think back to the hovel, when he was so angry with me, so disgusted by my lack of value over my own life. The rage that had been there, and what it had led to. The way he had suddenly let loose, giving in and pinning me to that tree as he fought his way through his own confusing emotions and mine. Was that the answer? I feel so small as I try and reach the solution but find it continuously hopping up onto the higher shelf as soon as my fingers graze at it.

I can't be sure this will help, and in the long run it's probably the cruellest thing I could do.

But I start to shuffle forward.

"I'm sorry." I say again and he shakes his head.

"Stop it." He spits between his teeth, shuddering for a second. I reach out a chilled hand to take his. A rattled breath leaves him, seemingly everything in his body tensed against this world and its coldness. I swallow again and look up.

"Levi, I'm sorry." I can't stop it spilling over despite the bitter-sweet taste of it. I wish he'd just stuck with hating me, it would make all this so much simpler. I could have been sent back out without a worry to anyone. Without this mess. He sinks to his knees and puts his forehead to mine.

"Alexia..." He whispers, and we linger like that for a few minutes with only our breathing to accompany the lanterns lonely crackle. I study the lines of his face, that small wrinkle between his brows after so many years of worrying and withheld anger. The slight shadows beneath his eyes after so many lost hours of sleep. It was a well maintained mask, and in all honesty a beautiful one at that, but it was slipping more and more apparently. I was slightly afraid of what might happen if it did actually break.

A tremour runs through him and I know I have to at least try.

I lean in and press my lips to his.

At first he doesn't respond, just shaking his head as his mouth quivers with unsaid words. I put a hand into his hair and keep kissing, leaning further and putting the other hand to his chest, feeling his thundering heartbeat. He sucks in a thick breath and kisses me back suddenly, lips insistent as they part mine and I feel our tongues dance. It feels different this time, not a frenzy but kind of a strange goodbye. His hands cup my face, still kissing with soft pants escaping me every now and then before his hands move, strong arms sliding round me and holding me closer than ever before.

The chill starts to melt away.

For once he feels so warm, and I automatically cling to that despite my pride's wrinkled nose. My fingers lace into his dark hair and I tug him closer, leaning back until I'm lying beneath him, legs still over the side of the bed. I can't even tell how long we've been embracing like this, my lips feeling bruised and his warmth sinking into me. Eventually though he holds himself up with his arms and stares down at me, bright eyes confused as we stare at each other, only our heavy breathing moving between us.

I reach up and touch his bottom lip.

How the hell had we ended up here?

"Levi... I..." my voice trails off as he looks at me, those withheld tears looking fit to spill as he shakes his head slowly. Pleadingly. I sniff and nod, refusing to let my own tears go as frankly I don't understand why they're there. He lays his head against my chest and breathes for a while, the occasional shudder going through his steel like body. I shiver too.

" _You can't die_." He sighs brokenly, sounding weak as though about to pass out. No words come to me, my oh-so-busy mouth finally finding itself speechless. I run my fingers through his hair, staring up at ceiling and watching the sky outside begin to pale as he lies there trying to collect himself. I guess that's what I'm trying to do as well.

It was a long, uneven and sticky path that had led to this very odd moment between us. I don't know if its touching, saddening or just plain pathetic, but I guess the label doesn't really matter right now. All that seemed to was his warmth against me. My mind wanders, remembering the icy looks in the beginning, those rusted bars separating us as hate, fear and distrust flowed as thick as blood. And yet there we were, holding each other upon a bed, wheelchair sitting silently in the background, a weakening heart below him, and a confused heart above me.

At some point I think we dosed off because the sound of the breakfast bell makes us both jolt awake. Sunlight is bursting through the curtains eagerly, a couple hours having passed. I groan and rub my eyes, Levi already up like a shot and straightening himself out. The stoic expression is back, a slight blush in place as his hard-ass side despairs at his weakness. But for once I won't tease, I won't even smirk. I just sit up, scrape my hair back and look out to the clear blue sky of the new day.

"Guess we better be prepared for anything right?" I say a little hoarsely before clearing my throat and carefully standing. He edges closer, no change in expression whilst his eyes flicker over me. But I don't sway this time, I take a deep breath and smile faintly, heading for the chair again as I know I'll only be berated if I attempt the door. Along with the fact I'm severely bored of falling over.

"Probably best, yeah." He murmurs, unlocking the wheels and pushing me towards the door. He pauses before opening it though, hand lingering on the handle for a second as he stares at the wood. Indecision looked odd on him. "By the way Senefold..." he glances my way, looking uncertain still. I tilt my head and tuck the bleached hair back as it falls forward.

"Yes, Captain?"

"I... thank you." He nods dumbly before opening the door at last and taking up his stance behind me to wheel me to breakfast. Thankfully no cadets are around, but then again they would have likely assumed he was just picking me up, not having fallen asleep against my tits after passionately making out with me. No. I don't think any of them would assume that.

I wouldn't and I was there.

The breakfast room is packed as usual, but the crowds of cadets part for us like we have a metre wide shield in front of us. I feel like a huge snow shovel. I am rolled into place at the head of the table with Hanji and her little helper whose name escapes me. Once again I'm locked in, and Levi heads off to hopefully get me some food as well, my vacant gut giving a loud growl.

"Well that sounds promising!" Chirps Hanji gladly, and I grin at her, reaching out and patting her hand. A blush appears on her beaming face. "You feeling better?"

"A little yeah, I think that tonic has done the world of good. Actually allowed me some sleep. And so far, no coughing up gunky crap either." I knock on the wooden table top, raising my brows as the helper does the same and shows that he does in fact have a bucket along for the ride. "Prepared eh? And you would be...?"

"Moblit, miss Senefold, Moblit Berner." He smiles simply and holds his hand out without hesitation. I assume he either doesn't fully know who I am, or he's been working with Hanji so long that very little made him hesitate any more. I shake his hand and he looks to Hanji with a little reservation. "Squad leader Zoe said she gave you the tonic? Was that all?" He inquires, and I can't deny the question is confusing.

"Uh... yes?" I look to Hanji but she's suddenly fascinated by her runny eggs. "Hanji... the heck else were you gonna give me?"

"Nothing!" She laughs, leaning back a bit from the boldly disapproving gaze of this little helper I grow more fond of by the second. "I was kidding, Moblit!"

"Mhm... just be aware she's already fascinated Miss Senefold, it can always lead to trouble." And the bastard leaves it there, all mysterious and unanswered. They were a match made in heaven clearly. I stare between him and Hanji for a couple seconds before he drains his mug and gets up and leaves after tapping the bucket with his foot. The scientist nods, knowing where it was and hopefully able to make a grab for it if need be. He then dips his head and walks off, whistling to himself and already in a rush.

"Just how much have you tormented that young man?" I chuckle, sitting back as a large tray of food is set down before me and a large mug of steaming coffee as well. Levi immediately leaving again to fetch his own food of course. I keep looking at Hanji, but she's definitely already cottoned on to something being weird.

"I have driven him to severe drinking binges..." she murmurs, not taking her eyes off the disgruntled Captain for a second before suddenly those owl-like eyes are honed on me and I lean back slightly with my mug of coffee cradled close. Unfortunately she matches said leaning with her own, peering at me with suspicion loudly humming between us.

"What happened?" She mutters, and I swear I can hear the gears in her head clanking away with theories already. I take along sip, swallow nervously and am thankful to find it remaining down. I then look her square in the eye and wink.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit Senefold, spill! C'mon I'm in need of something other than your depressing ass to get me through the day!" She whines and I give a coy chuckle.

"Oh all right... as you're so cute. He rolled me to my bunk, and then got on one knee and sang me a touching serenade in the native tongue of the Titans. We then proceeded to fuck mercilessly until the bed broke, moving then to the floor where we moaned like confused cattle as we swapped several body fluids till the breakfast bell rang. Then I quickly blew him for good measure and we came down here."

"You're such a fucking tease... keep your secrets... damn minxy titan shifter." She pouts, returning to her eggs in earnest whilst I snigger into my mug. Levi's tray clanks onto the table a few seconds later and I laugh some more whilst Hanji's ears turn a tiny bit pink.

"What now?" He sighs tiredly, draining one mug of coffee and then moving the second into place. I just shake my head and shrug, fiddling with my eggs before taking a couple cautious bites and smiling reservedly as they remain travelling in the correct direction. "Seems like you have some appetite now at least."

"Worked it up last night I suppose-" my words being promptly interrupted by Hanji choking on her eggs. "Careful there Hanji, those eggs are known to have bones in them... yeesh." I snort, patting her back as the woman drinks some water and manages to breathe again. Levi raises a brow but just shakes his head and eats his breakfast.

We sit and eat; Levi going over the training schedule with Hanji as obviously he and her were having to pick up the slack on Golden Boy's workload. Apparently Erwin was insisting that he could work, but of course they knew that was far from true. Whilst the wound was healing well, it would take weeks for him to be able to walk around normally, and then more time atop that for his mental state to be okay. I play with my toast, crumbling the edges as I consider the idea of the Commander's mental state. I don't suppose it was ever something I considered before; assuming someone is just an evil bastard makes a rather simple outlook on their emotional well being. That being – I don't give a fuck, he's evil and I hope he burns. Now though, I grit my teeth a little, now I have all this oddness building up in my head and I don't know what to think about him any more.

A small commotion sounds towards the doors that lead to the compound, all three of us looking over that way and watching some cadets twitter about the place. Hanji looks intrigued, whilst Levi looks immediately bored. I am just confused as usual.

"Captain Levi, sir!" One of the voices suddenly yells out, making the man in question click his tongue in fresh irritation as his breakfast is interrupted. I just hope the kid knows how to get to the point quickly, that slightly panicked and incredibly freckled face already looking like a rambler.

"What is it, Cadet? Better be important." He snaps, business mode on for the kid who salutes and dips their head quickly.

"The morning patrol has reported there's a woman, seems to be high ranking MP, headed this way sir. She has a full wagon with her and a convoy it seems!" The poor kid dips his head again and Levi just kind of stares at him, I can guess that the wheels are turning inside his head, but to the kid it just looks like an inane challenge. All the kid can really do is sweat, and in all fairness he does a damn good job of that.

"How far off?" Levi suddenly demands, the poor cadet visibly flinching.

"Should be here within the hour, sir! Do you suppose she's been sent to replace-"

"No one is being replaced, Cadet."

"Yes, sir!"

"Back to your post and make sure she's met at the gate." Says Levi perfectly calm as he takes another sip of coffee and dismisses the cadet with nothing more than a nod. The twittering disperses but so does the rumour. Someone had come to take over. Some woman was here to lead instead of Erwin. Apparently the MP's and royals alike had heard and hit the ground running, both of which makes me a little nervous as I sip my water. Would that red-lipped bitch have a hand in this? It was a woman coming right? I swallow hard and try to rationalise that she might not even know what a dirt track looks like, let alone a wagon, it wasn't very likely to be her.

Then again it was easy to dress up and look proper for ten minutes at a time, and really that was all the contact I had had with her in those cells. I shake my head and blink, hearing Hanji's voice at last as I come back into the room. This zoning out habit wasn't good.

"Alex? Hey... there you are. Don't fade out on me okay? Just because she's MP doesn't mean she can do anything to you. Okay?" I smile at the sweet intention behind those words, but I'm a learned enough cynic by now to know Hanji can't really stop them if they did fancy playing with me again. Not that I'm sure the game would be up to their expectations. A shudder runs along my bones as I consider the bloodied mess and anti-climax my leg being torn off might offer now. I give said limbs a little pat, an interior thank you being said on the off chance my appreciation might help them stick around.

"Don't suppose Stumpy is gonna be up to much more than sleeping though... they could just walk in and replace him..." I look down at my plate, feeling the air chill with this rather grim outlook.

"Not gonna happen, not whilst I'm breathing." Levi grumbles into his coffee before standing up and looking round the hectic breakfast room. "Within the hour... we just need to be ready. And I need to make sure Erwin has some trusted people with him at all times."

"You think they'll try to kill him?" Asks Hanji, her own business mode flashing into place as she slides her glasses back up her nose. Lei nods.

"If this woman has brought a convoy I wouldn't be surprised if she was intending on finishing off what the Titan's started with Erwin. Be it by her own hand, or some lackie she brought along for the ride. Like you said before Senefold... we better be prepared for anything."

I nod and finish eating, being kept beside Hanji as we await for the ominous arrival of our newest foe. Hopefully it was just some jumped up bureaucrat who could be easily flushed back to where they'd come from. But knowing how luck and the Scouts usually interacted? I wasn't holding out a lot of hope.

It's just under the hour mark when fresh nattering of the cadets signals the arrival of our 'new commander'. Levi had already organised some trusted kids to stay with Erwin, but he had refused to allow the wounded man know exactly what was happening. At first it seemed a little cruel, frustration clouding Stumple's eyes as he felt his powerlessness highlighted, but really it was the best way. After all, if he _had_ known what was happening, the idiot might have attempted to come out and meet the issue head on. Which in turn would likely only lead to him passing out right there in front of them, which would hardly help the 'oh we got this' argument.

We head out into the compound, a long convoy of irritated looking MP's stood beside wagons and one sat slightly in front of the rest. Presumably holding the gallant new leader. As a crowd gathers, I tap Hanji's hands and she stops my chair. After the locks have snapped in place I stand up carefully, reassuring the worried woman with a wink. I wasn't about to let these impertinent bastards know I was weakened, not if I could bloody help it. Levi sticks close by, but he doesn't object thankfully, I think he knows that a show of strength was important right now.

Across the way, near the stables, I see Eren stood with his fellow soldiers, the kids that had been in his class. I confess I hadn't sought him out yet, or even really thought to look for him. But then again I don't have to feel too guilty as I was hardly able to do the finding myself, and he probably had better things to do than shoot the shit with me. Like sorting out his own head; I can barely imagine what he's been thinking since we got back. It had been a lot of revelations for him, and I bet he was still reeling even now. Yet the kid looks okay, a little tired perhaps, but otherwise like his normal determined, angry, stubborn headed self. The group of friends is tightly knit around him; his strange She-Wolf of a sister tucking her scarf closer as the crowd gathered, and that oddly grumpy Horse-faced boy edging closer to her meanwhile. And then there's that delicate blonde girl again, her bright blue eyes weirdly familiar to me as she stares in what seems to be apprehension at the middle wagon. It wasn't that scary right? Just another MP to send packing, just another... another...

I can't swallow.

I can't breathe.

I can't fucking believe this.

The red lips aren't there, but I can tell it's _her_ as I feel a familiar stone weigh down in my gut as I prepare myself for the worst. Apparently she was a soldier then – as much as MP's ever counted as such. I clench my hands but manage to remain steady on my feet despite the dull pain aching at the base of my spine. I couldn't let this bitch know I was faltering, and I wouldn't. Levi stands between me and Hanji, and as welcoming party's go I really don't think we could be ranked amongst the friendliest. Probably the opposite.

There's the usual smugness about that woman, handing the reins over to a perplexed cadet before she clambers down from her wagon and brushes off any non-existent dust. Like dirt would dare. Then she starts to saunter over, far too much ass swinging in her little walk for my liking, but not so much that she actually overbalances at any point unfortunately. Those dark eyes make my blood turn colder, and a shiver runs through me as I watch that sickening smile pull on her lips. Her mouth looked so much smaller without the red paint, but I knew there was still venom coating that forked tongue.

"Pretty much assume everything a lie and that she wants you dead." I murmur to the two stood with me against this Banshee, and they both nod silently, thankfully taking it on trust that I did in fact know the thing waggling over to us.

Finally she stops about a metre away and sets herself strongly, legs apart and chest out. If it weren't for the generally very intimidating aura emanating out of every inbred pore, I would have assumed she was presenting for some kind of mating ritual. As it was, I reckon the poor bastard would have his dick ripped off.

"Good to see you again Alexia, how are you doing? Like the hair... very striking." She purrs, the voice making nausea rise in my throat as I give a small nod in response. Her head tilts and the dark eyes tighten on me, a smirk warping her mouth anew. "No greeting for an old friend?"

"Just trying to get used to the lack of corset, lace, desperate cleavage and blood soaked lips. It's a little disorientating to see you looking almost human." I shrug and watch that oh-so-familiar irritation light on her tight features. You'd think she'd have grown used to my ways by now, having tortured so many responses out of me already. "Never did get your name as you hacked off my limbs..."

"I never touched your limbs dearest." She sighs boredly.

"Nah, just had the lackies do it instead."

"Oh you do like to hold a grudge don't you Alexia?" She titters, removing her pompous leather gloves and tucking them in her pocket. She then extends a soft hand instead of saluting and I feel both Hanji and Levi recoil from the outstretched insult. "An unavoidable pleasure to meet you all. Meghan Reiss."

"Is that supposed to be impressive?" Murmurs Levi, ignoring the hand entirely until finally it is retracted by a still smirking Meghan. I won't deny I had expected something more pretentious like Esquaria, Esmareldia, Goldinchita, or something like that, but hey ho, I guess her parents weren't entirely bought in on the whole 'destiny' side of the family. The name Reiss I seem to recall as a branch on that big-ass tree I had to pretend to study over and over, but the details are as fuzzy as everything else at the moment.

"It should indicate how futile it is to try and prevent this from happening." She answers with a click of her tongue, looking round with her default setting of unimpressed. "Your Commander has been brought low, and until such time as he can lead, I will be taking over."

"On whose authority?" Demands Hanji suddenly, an immediate wrinkle taking hold of Meghan's nose as she is addressed by the scientist. Her dark eyes run up and down Hanji like she's looking at an abandoned dog, deciding whether to shoot it or simply let it carry on eating out the bins.

"The royals actually you disrespectful-"

"Now, now Meghan, show a little decorum eh?" I wink and her lips set into a very unattractive thin line. Oh dear. "Why is it that they think a prissy thing such as yourself could lead us instead?"

"Us?" She repeats suddenly and I feel a blush rise to my cheeks. I hold my ground as she takes a sharp step forward, leering over me with her couple inches of extra height even without the advantage of heels and un-hacked-off legs. She giggles whilst I feel Levi angle towards me slightly more, but I just stare her down without a flinch.

"Yes." I say calmly. "Us. It's a plural?"

"Wasn't sure but now I know... you really have bought into this righteous shit haven't you?" Meghan gives a long hard cackle and my back rises a little more, my teeth snapping together whilst my fists clench. "Well in answer to the question, now that I've clarified this _hilarious_ new mindset of yours... yes they think I can take over. And do you know why?"

"I'm sure there's a long-winded monologue of a boring ass explanation coming up to enlighten me." I groan and look to the sky before back at her. "Go on love, get it out that pent up system."

"Because I know what it is the Scouts really need to be doing in order to help Humanity, unlike that maniac recovering upstairs." She snarls in an oddly reserved amount of words. Considering the long speeches I had droned at me in that cell I had expected much worse. But then she suddenly stroking that claw like hand through my hair, touching the bleached part as her dark eyes suddenly bore into me. "I know what it is _you_ need Alexia, unlike that maniac recovering upstairs." She purrs.

"Don't touch me." I growl.

"How much of a strain was it? How far was the touch and go situation from actually claiming you this time? Looks like it was pretty damned close... looks like you nearly didn't make it back. Does it hurt? Are you a pained little soldier?"

"I'm fine." I snap and she chuckles, tugging on the hair a bit before releasing and pacing away in a small loop. I swallow hard again and edge ever-so-slightly closer to the Captain, like you would even notice because I promise I'm not a fucking scaredy cat, I promise.

"Fine? You look haggard my dear, like you're hanging by a thread."

"She's perfectly capable." Retorts Levi and this merits a cackle from the bitch yet again, a tutting noise coming from her next. The eyes of the crowd, both MP and Scout alike, are glued to us, watching this pissing match with all their might.

"Don't lie to me Captain, she couldn't shift a pinky right now. And you let her weaken herself like this? My, my, and here was me under the impression you cared for her... in your own way." She adds. A low growl rumbles in Levi's chest – making me wish I could take hold of his hand and tug him away, remove him entirely from the situation.

"He didn't _let_ me do anything. I'm in charge of my ability thanks very much." I step forward, albeit a little shakily, but thankfully her cold eyes aren't looking my way at that point. Another cackle rips from her and I feel my blood boil, to have someone laughing at a time like this just rubbed me all kinds of the wrong way.

"Actually no dear, you're about as in charge of you as Erwin is of this regiment." She snorts and I step forward again.

"Then I guess it's all about perspective."

"Indeed... and I have the correct one." Meghan tilts her head, arrogance coming off in waves.

"Get back on that wagon and leave, not a single soldier in this regiment would take one of your orders. Not one. Leave now and I won't have to kill you." I snarl, voice dipping into a growl as I glare at her. For a split second I see reservation there, but her arrogance has soon washed it away.

"You couldn't kill a fly right now."

"You don't move as quick as a fly, not with that arse swinging about like it does." I snort and a couple cadets even join in. Her nose wrinkles again, those lips warping into an unimpressed grimace as she folds her arms over her chest and raises a brow. Her fingers snap together and a tall officer heads over from the convoy, his pinched face as bad as hers when it came to being contemptible.

"Yes Ma'am?" He bows to the wench and I just shake my head, wondering when it was that she had put his balls in a jar. Meghan smiles sickeningly at him and gestures to me.

"This was the wonderful Alexia Senefold I was telling you all about the other day. Alexia, this is my right-hand man, my fellow care-taker for this regiment. Whilst I'm busy sorting out the rather lacking administrative side to this shit-show of a HQ, he will deal with the new form of training."

"Ah..." I nod slowly. "So fairly important big man? Promising career as an ass-licker?" I surmise, and that smug expression only increases as she nods, patting the man's shoulder. The prick almost smiles too for some reason, pleased about his new description apparently as he looks down at me with just as much derision as I would expect. He needs to trim his nose hairs.

"As usual you're out-numbered, Alexia... and as usual you're all talk. You can't do—ugh!" She recoils as blood splutters out of the now partially removed throat of her proud pooch. He gargles and clasps a desperate hand to the wound, but unfortunately or him he can't break the crystal currently holding his oesophagus and main artery open. I give a friendly wave and grin as his panicked eyes look to his mistress, only finding mild impatience there before his eyes have rolled back into oblivion and his corpse has rag-dolled to the dirt.

"What can't I do?" I hiss, wiping my hand off on her shiny uniform slowly.

A strong ache runs all along my arm and burns at the back of my lungs, but for now I could endure. For now I needed her to think I could take her on. If I could create even a fraction of fear, it would be something. Her dark eyes stare down at the bubbling wound and then at me, teeth flashing into view for a split second.

"There's plenty more where he came from."

"And lucky for me I have an infinite supply of crystal for their throats." I retort, a slight pant taking hold of my breathing as a cold sweat gathers at the back of my neck. Shit, this wasn't gonna last long. "I will kill every single bitch you bring in here, that's a promise."

"This is not behaviour befitting our families."

"If our families are who you claim them to be, then squabbling in the middle of a crowd of people who know very little about what the argument entails is _exactly_ befitting. Fuck you and your high and mighty attitude woman. You even been outside those walls? You even know what it is you're claiming we need _not_ fight against?" I head closer to her, jabbing a finger out and glad to see a slight lean backwards from the damned woman.

"I have been atop the wall plenty times, I have seen plenty to understand that-"

"You understand bugger all." I hiss, stabbing my finger into her chest hard, the material still wet from the man's blood. I then nod to her wagon again, baring my teeth as I swallow down a disturbing warm feeling at the back of my throat. Just hold on a little longer. "Get back on that wagon, and ride away. We don't need you, we won't follow you, and you will _not_ break us."

"Again with all the 'we' and 'us'..." she sighs, and I nod, holding my head up despite the swimming sensation clouding my head.

"For better or for worse, right now? I am a fucking Scout." I say it loud and proud, hearing some soft gasps and a few mutterings run around the crowd. In all honesty I can't be sure that was even a positive in many of their eyes, but right now I'm not bothered about the general consensus. I just needed this wench to know where I stood, where my allegiances were. And they certainly weren't swaddled in lace. In an impatient manner she looks around and then back to me, almost looking more embarrassed now than anything else.

"You are a _royal_ for the love of the walls! You should act accordingly."

"The fact both my fuck-up parents were royal has _nothing_ to do with who I am." I snarl, wavering a little on the spot, white hair falling into my face. "It wouldn't matter if I was fucking identical to you in every possible way. That doesn't make me who I am."

"Then what do you suppose does you fool?" She shoves me back, sending me to the floor in a coughing heap. I look up, lips speckled with blood and that cold sweat spreading down my back. "What makes you so damned special Alexia Senefold?"

"Because I chose to be better than you! My choices are what make me different from the likes of you and that band of inbred fuckers!" I yell, voice scratchy. "You can dress up, dress down, surprise everyone with your military capability and then waltz about in a corset, it doesn't change the fact that under everything? And at the end of the day? You're a no account fucknugget and that's it. You don't _do_ anything except follow the orders slurred at you from the throne room. You-" A shoe smacks into my jaw and I lie there, groaning at the pain splintering through my bones.

"Lay another finger on her and I end you." Growls the familiar voice of my Captain, and I won't deny I'm glad to hear those thundering tones still hovering. I keep my head on the ground, dizzied by this sudden surge of anger, and heat.

Heat?

Oh god no.

That was not a good idea right now.

I swallow hard and look up at her, only then noting the fresh smirk on those lips. She wanted me angry, because she wanted this to happen. Control is slipping out of my hands like a wet rein, slithering wildly as I claw at it and try to hold this transformation back. I dig my hands into the dirt, allowing a whimper to escape as I try and focus. Boiling, broiling, thundering, howling, building, searing, burning, screaming, on and on in goes in my head as I pant between gritted teeth.

"Alexia?" I hear Hanji's panicked voice, her steps hurrying over. I look up at her, and judging from the way she recoils my eyes are not my own.

"I... I can't... nngh..."

"Alex..."

"H-Hanji get... b-b-back." I groan, fingers digging into the cold earth as steam starts to broil from my skin in waves, vision spinning more and more.

"You had best do as bid little scientist, this isn't likely to be pretty." I hear that smug voice and as the fury surges in me, I cry out as that burning in my lungs bursts into full agony. More punishment is thrown onto the pile, more pain onto my bones. "Not so bold now eh, Senefold?"

"Fuck... you..." I growl, voice turning feral. I know she doesn't want to, but thankfully Hanji does as I ask. She retreats, dragging Levi back as much as she can. He's fighting her, but thankfully I think she gets the idiot away from me.

"Say goodbye to Alexia Senefold." says that woman, and I just look at Hanji and Levi, my hair in the way as I shake my head and shudder all over. Any second now.

"Ghn... I... I'm sorry..." I groan, laying my head down and panting, glazed eyes watching them stare over at me helplessly, a few words mouthed on Levi's pale lips as I wheeze through the last few seconds of control.

'You can't die.'

I'm sorry Levi... but I really think I can.

* * *

 **So yeah... Meghan... totally not named after a pain in the ass creative writing tutor who was the epitomy of writing pretention and shit-spouting. Not at all...**

 **Thank you very much for reading everyone, hope you're all still enjoying! Please leave a review, fav and or follow!**

 **SHOUTOUTS**

 **Madnessiscontagious: You... my god I have reread that review like... 3 times or maybe closer to 10? That was so kind of you, I cannot even begin to explain properly. You might feel like it's repetitive but to me it just says that I'm managing to be consistent, which is always a worry for me with these stories. I LOVE writing them, but always worry they will start to dip in quality, intrigue, excitement, all that, so you repeating the idea that it's still enjoyable and consistently good? Just makes my day, and seriously encourages me to keep going. And whoa then the praise is just... wow I have not felt that humbled in a long time, I am so thrilled to know you have enjoyed everyone's development etc. and you're also convinced by it! I am writing a couple stories yes, you're not wrong. I currently have 3 on the go, although my third (and smallest) has rather stalled of late. So my two main ones are this one and Red Burning Wings. I am a writer by trade (not that i'm being paid for it LOL) and I genuinely enjoy it, but thank you so much for using the word 'professional' that is a major win for me! I am very sure there are multiple grammar mistakes though, me and Grammar have never gotten along! And I would certainly agree that that probably was your longest review, and it genuinely meant SO much to me. You are correct though, I'm never all that keen on self-advertising, but the next time I post something new i will certainly put a note on here and or Red Burning Wings. In the past while I've only done a random oneshot as a new thing, otherwise its just the two main stories. But anyway, thank you, thank you thank you! A truly awesome review from a truly brilliant reader :D**

 **UmbreonGurl: I was rather pleased with Stumplestiltskin myself! I'm glad it made you laugh though, i always worry some of the comedy is gonna fall flat. Thank you for the review!**

 **Geekatheart21: I'm so glad you're enjoying, and I hope this update was up to standard! Plenty more to come so please stick around! Thanks for the support :D .**

 **Guest: I am so psyched people have liked that name! Yeah Levi is having a proper wee breakdown right now over what to do consider what he WANTS and what his DUTY is. So yeah, i'm glad you seem to be enjoying that. And thank you so much for highlighting that conflict of interests, I'm so glad to know you're as invested in her character as I would hope. She's got some fight left though, as you can see ;) I hope the update was up to expectations and I hope you're still around for what else is to come. Thanks for the review and the support!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Hello Hello Hello! A few days late I know but I think within 2 weeks is okay riiight? Anyway this is a slightly shorter update I know but I wanted to give it it's own space to be honest, an entire one told from Levi POV. Hope that's okay... I have fun writing things from his side of the world.**

 **Hope you're all good, and thanks for sticking around!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT**

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

No. God dammit no, this can't be happening, not when her recovery was beginning to finally turn around. Fuck you world. Hanji pulls me back despite the fact I can think of nothing worse than leaving her alone out there, but as I meet those dark eyes I know I have to. There wasn't room for argument there, then again there hardly ever was. Alexia please don't go, not when this stupid bastard was finally starting to get you back. Finally there wasn't an immediate distrust in the way you looked at me, and you were even willing to take pity on this stupid old fool. You let me cling to you like a god damned child and didn't even mock me for it, I had no idea you were even capable of that sort of kindness and yet now... now you might be gone for good. As I hear her groan, desperately holding onto whatever control she still has, trying to not give into the heat, I know she can't stop it now. It was unstoppable. I look towards that fucking MP and feel hatred sink deeper into me, I will end her.

BOOM.

The steam rushes past and I end up holding my breath as we wait for it to clear, wait for it to reveal what had become of her. Would it be like Jeager and only a partial transformation? Or would control have totally slipped from her grasp and a full shift taken hold? I see the brats across the way getting ready, a couple of them have gear on already and whilst the Captain in me is glad to know they're prepared, the man in me is raging at the idea of any of them harming her. Where that had come from I can only guess at, but as the steam clears I feel cold. She's fully transformed. In all her terrifying glory she looms up into the sky, hair falling in tangles around her and flesh torn in several places, it's pale though and definitely pasty looking. This wasn't good. Suddenly the beast throws it's head back and roars like I've never witnessed; pain and rage lancing through every torn note. And then there's her eyes. One was vacant on the field when she was losing control, and right now they both are. I start to pull Hanji back now instead, knowing this could well get ugly.

"Jeager you are not allowed to shift!" Barks that damned MP woman, and I see the brat pause as his hand raises to his mouth. He has no idea what he is or isn't allowed to do. He knew this was going to get messy, and he knew he was likely the only one who would be able to contain her without the whole HQ being demolished. I knew this as well, and when the kid looks my way I raise my hand and nod, pretending to bite my own so that there was no point of confusion. He needed to shift, or she was going to end up killing us all.

The kid chooses right.

"Don't you dare disobey me!" She shrieks, and the kid just nods to me and bites down.

BOOM.

Another cloud of steam, and the sound of running feet as the area is cleared of any potential collateral damage. Hanji hangs by the door though, craning to get a better view before finally the dust settles and they stand there opposite each other, two huge beasts ready to fight it out. Only Eren is thankfully in control, and ready to take her down.

"Go on Jeager! Get her out of there!" I bark over at him, and his huge head slowly nods as they lunge at each other and lock arms.

The battle begins.

The ground shakes with their tussle, and soon growling grunts fill the air as teeth gnash and steam rolls. Hanji is gripping my arm so tight I think she's cutting off the circulation, but right now I don't care, I can't take my eyes off Senefold. There's dark bruising along her nape, and whilst that scares the hell out of me, it seems to outline where she is. It might allow me to cut her out without harming her at all. I run to the gear store and frantically get my blades on, glad no one can see the way my fingers fumble every now and then. My hands are shaking like mad.

"Keep it together, Ackerman." I hiss at myself, cracking my neck and heading back out once everything is in place. I come back and watch in mild horror as Eren snaps Alexia's arm back the wrong way. The crunch is sickening, but what worries me more is that he was able to do it. Her Titan form has always been so strong, but then again she will have done everything to hold it back right?

"She'll have made herself weaker..." I whisper to myself as I come back next to a typically frantic Hanji who turns to me with a flash of those glasses indicating a question. I look at the mad woman and then point to the ongoing battle. "Senefold can alter her Titan form to whatever she needs right? Leaner for speed, stockier for battles... and yet Jeager just snapped her arm like it was a brittle twig. Like it was nothing. She has purposefully weakened herself."

"Damn... I hope you're right Levi." Hanji bites her lip and looks up, only then noticing my gear and putting a hopefully clean hand on my shoulder. "Hey now shorty you can't go out there, you'll be crushed between them. Whoa..." She backs up as some debris scatters around the place. I shrug her hand off and shake my head.

"I'm gonna get to the roof and signal Jeager to get Senefold on the ground at least. I can't risk that brat just tearing her nape out and hoping for the best, she'll likely be stuck in there badly, and will need carefully cut out. I'm no surgeon, but I'm probably her best option right now."

"Seems you usually are." That damn Shitty-Four-eyes smirks at me and I just turn and bolt up the stairs without acknowledging that suggestive tone.

I can't think of it as Alexia right now, at least I have to try not to, it's difficult as hell but right now I just need to think of her as a valuable weapon. Another shifter like Jeager, useful and vital to the regiment, but no more important to me than a full blade store. If I let my idiotic heart win over my head right now I'll be sloppy, that much having been shown by the tremour to my hands. That is the last thing she needs. But I might let myself be a little sloppy when it came to taking down that MP bitch that had caused all this. If this sends my brat somewhere I can't follow? I'll tear that hip swinging bitch apart.

"Just hold on Senefold... hold on..." I pant as I run full pelt up the stairs and finally reach the roof.

The wind whips around me, cold and biting as my hair flails unhelpfully all over the place. I head to the edge of the roof and fire a red flare to get Jeager's attention, thankfully seeing that green gaze flicker my way. I wave a blade and just hope the brat gets the idea. All he had to do was keep her still, and as far as I could tell he didn't have to fight all that hard to fully over-power her, as long as he had the right angle. But that was just it. Alexia had shifted with weakness in mind, but now she wasn't there, this wasn't Alexia, this was nothing more than a beast. It was fighting as hard as it could even with a weakened form, and that unwieldy fighting style was what was putting Jeager off-balance.

"Use whatever you need to Jeager! Just get her pinned!" I yell, flare gun ready as inspiration lights in my mind at long last. The beast holding her hostage turns wildly, glaring and hissing at me, and as soon as its vacant eyes are aimed my way I fire the black smoke at her eyes and watch it make a direct hit. Probably hurt like hell, but it gives Eren the window he needs.

A huge thundering bang echoes around the valley as Jeager swings Senefold's form round and pins her to the floor, but of course that isn't it. The beast wriggles, writhes and struggles with everything it has, a wounded beast so much more dangerous than before. A frustrated growl leaves Jeager's form and I swallow hard as prolonged crunch sounds again and I watch his knee push down through Senefold's back and sink into the earth below. Right through like a bullet, but able to pin her better that way. He then reaches and holds her head down, shoving her snapping jaws into the dirt and then looking my way with a low huff, seemingly impatient as he continues to be dislodged every now and then.

Now or never.

I swing down and land on her nape, knowing I could slash and grab, but terrified of how connected she still might be. This wasn't a normal battle, this was fragility at it's finest and I could only guess at how messed up this latest shift might leave her. In my gut I know this is gonna take precision and right now I can't ignore instinct as it's the only thing I have.

"Keep her steady, Jeager!" I bark, another low growl sounding in my ears as I align myself and begin to slice into the writhing Titan shell beneath my feet. A feral shriek erupts, echoing into the earth currently being shoved between her gnashing fangs. The steam billows out and I manage to avoid the worst of it, but I have to cut quickly at first, or else her healing simply catches up with me.

"Would you fucking stay still brat!" I yell, hoping to reach her on some level, but in truth I only make it worse. A fresh bought of thrashing begins and I have to sink my other blade in to keep my balance, a yelp slipping out of the now partially removed nape. At least she wasn't dead in there, although she might have a rather large slash along her leg now. Whoops?

"Come on Senefold, work with me here." I say again, louder, cutting the flesh away and letting it steam out of existence as I start to carefully scrape the weird muscled sinew away from the darkest area of bruising. It moves and makes me want to gag, but its definitely her, a streak of white hair becoming visibly the deeper I dig.

"I'm coming Alexia... fucking hold on..." I growl, rather forgetting my previous idea of staying clinical about all this. Seems my mask is pretty broken these days. My hands are already burnt to fuck as I touch the searing innards and peel them back again and again, but I don't care, those can heal when this is all over. Her head is finally freed as she holds it up with a frantic gasp, coughing and hacking before looking up at me, her dark eyes red rimmed and framed by dark veins.

"L-Levi... ghn... h-hurry... just hack me... out..." she pleads, coughing and gasping in the heat, her hair falling in front of her face as another roar erupts from the still moving shell beneath us.

"I won't risk injuring you further, just keep trying to pull yourself out, got it?"

"Y-yeah... g-got it..." She says, and I can't deny the fact she whimpered makes my hollow chest ache all the more. She wasn't one to show weakness, but right now I know for sure she is shitting it, she's terrified and I feel it creeping over me as well. What would this shift do to her condition? Would she simply succumb to a fever this time? Or indeed die the second we disconnected her from the beast?

Shit.

What if that's it?

"Senefold, how do you feel?" I kneel down and push her hair back, seeing confusion spark in her eyes as she grits her teeth, a wave of heat flashing over the shell. "C'mon answer me, brat."

"How... do I _feel_?! Fucking _._.. fantastic... _why_?! Keep cutting you idiot!" She yells into a groan, the veins darkening round her eyes when I make another cut. I pause again. "You w-want me to beg... or something?!"

"No, but what if you need to stay in there to heal?" I snap at her, making her eyes focus a little more as she wheezes. My mauled up hands cup her face and I grit my teeth. "What if I cut you out and your body just fucking gives in like last time. You were all right when we first got you out, and then you just... you didn't wake up, you started to deteriorate."

"Ghn... sh-shit..." She whimpers again and some sinew crawls back over her throat and I have to let go, but her breathing is less strained now. "D-Dammit Levi. M-Maybe... you're... r-right... fuck." Her eyes rolls back and her head slumps down as she pants, looking almost like she's having a fit. The sinew grows back over her face, her eyes still white as she wheezes out at me. "Whatever y-you do... Levi... don't let m-me kill anyone... k-kill me first." she pleads before her lips are sealed with a final cry escaping, and I have to jump back before I'm pulled in as well.

Eren is growling at me full on now, probably not having heard the conversation and therefore rather confused. But that wasn't an excuse to forget who the hell he's snarling at. I look up sternly, the growling thankfully stopping before I have to smack the brat into next week.

"Keep her restrained Eren as best as you can, we need to get her secure... shit we can't keep her here." I swallow hard and look down at the shell, the sheer size of it making this courtyard far from preferable.

In the heat of the situation I feel more like passing out that strategic thinking, but I'm the only option right now so I just force my befuddled brain to work. Come on. What do I do? How can I make this right and let her heal? I look up at Eren again and remember his training, remember the well we held him in. It was cruel, but right now it was the kindest option.

"Rip her arms and legs off." I say gravely, another growl building in the brat's chest but this time I can't blame him. I'm a callous bastard, but it's the only way to get her secured so she can't hurt anyone before she's ready to come out the shell herself. "If you don't then you can't lift her to the well where we can secure her. Get it done Jeager, or you're signing her death warrant." I snap before using my wires to get back over to Hanji as soon as possible.

She looks at me like I'm mad, and so do the cadets gathered around behind her.

"Levi what the hell happened? You were getting her out and then-"

"Hanji get everything you need to hold a specimen in place and meet us at the well where we trained Jeager. Got it? No questions, just fucking do it Four-Eyes." I say quickly and she nods, grabbing her little henchman and running off towards her play-area. I then look around at the cadets. "For the time being you will assume Senefold's titan to be hostile, create three squads amongst yourselves for guard duty, some of you need to go help Hanji too. Senefold will be detained on the edge of the training area, in the dried well. That's all, now move brats. _Move._ "I yell, striding back over to Eren immediately after.

I can't look at the brat right now though, the tearing noise and subsequent shrieks bad enough. It was only her shell, it was only her shell, it was only her shell. This was so we could secure her, keep her safe whilst she healed. Perhaps me and Hanji could even make some headway getting rid of this Meghan woman in the meantime. It was a mess, but I was willing to try my damned hardest to make it work for her, for my brat. I swallow hard, deciding not to scold myself for that right now. I gave into it, I held her and she held me, so fuck it for now. Alexia Senefold I'm not giving up on you yet, so don't you dare give up on yourself.

Jeager stands slowly and picks up the ragged torso of Senefold's Titan, it's eyes dull as it pants in the aftermath of such an assault. I look up and grit my teeth against the nausea that churns in my gut at the sight of the hole Jeager's knee had put through the middle, bits of gore plopping down every now and then. But then there's a low hiss, and it's evident the healing is thinking about starting up.

"Hurry up Jeager." I snap as I fire up onto his shoulder and slap his skin with the flat of my blade, earning another understandable murmur of irritation. "We need to get her secure in the well. We'll figure it out from there." I order and the kid nods before heading that way at a quick march.

Once there, I look down and know she's gonna be kept in the dark if we just drop her in as she is. But thankfully there's some boulders and shit across the way, so before the healing can get too far, Eren fills part of the well to prop Senefold up. Her legs began to heal but they sort of stopped halfway, becoming smooth stumps of uselessness. It's handy, but also worrying; her healing not even fully working for her Titan Form. I rather selfishly try to convince myself that this is her regaining control, harnessing her power and focusing on healing her real body. But even as the naïve though runs through my head I start doubting it, wishing she could speak to us. Wishing none of this had happened and I might just wake up still nuzzled against her tits.

No such luck.

Hanji arrives minutes later and gets a collar onto the recovering beast with the help of Eren and then everything is fastened down like she had done with her two previous pets Sawney and Bean. Only this time I gave a damn about it all, and I couldn't help but wince as they tightened the bonds to the point that Senefold whimpers. I knew it was needed, but it felt like I was always allowing this woman to be bound up.

Jeager gives a tap of his foot and then taps his own nape, tilting his head in question. Both I and Four-Eyes nod and he kneels down to get himself out of his shell. The kid had done well, there was no denying that. Without issue he reappears and comes to stand beside me with a small amount of bruising round his eyes as he pants.

"Thanks for letting me help, sir."

"Thanks for not fucking it up." I respond and I almost see the brat smile.

"How long do you think we should wait?" Hanji asks as they do final tests on all the safety precautions. I fold my arms across my chest and glance towards HQ where I can see a small group approaching. At the head of that group is the MP wench who had come to claim our regiment under some bullshit orders, and subsequently caused all this. I grit my teeth.

"As long as she needs."

"Whilst I would normally fully agree Levi, I don't think we're going to have that kind of time to play with. After all we have the-"

"Why hasn't she been dealt with yet?" Snaps Meghan and I swear I want to wrap both my hands round her neck and squeeze till her bug-eyes pop straight out. I turn to rip her a new one when Hanji lays a hand on my shoulder and squeezes hard, her eyes are cold behind her glasses and I know she should handle this. Right now I'm in no fit state, I look at Senefold's form and swallow hard, setting my mask in place as best I can before looking at Meghan with an much ice as I can manage. I want her to feel ice in her bones god dammit.

"She's secure Meghan so please just allow us to—" The bitch interrupts Four-Eyes with an arrogant raise of her soft hand and wrinkle of her nose. This was certainly going to be a test of my patience, and from the sound of that grunt from Jeager, his too.

"That's _Commander_ to you Squad Leader Zoe."

"Not in this lifetime." I say with no more reaction as that angered gaze moves to me. Her lips purse and she waddles across, over-compensating as she squares up and almost bares her teeth down at me. It's a bit awkward; I'm not sure if she's trying to intimidate me or seduce me, but either was I'm repulsed instead.

"You have no authority here Captain, that beast needs to be dealt with and I _order_ you to get up there and tear her nape off. No excuses."

"No." I reply, watching it dribble through her tiny mind as she attempts to find what string to pull. Thing is, even if she knows of my connection to the Shifter in question, she cannot pull on that yarn. Right now it's tangled all around me and there's nothing left to give. "Senefold is in recovery that's all, and it's by your actions that this happened in the first place. You're to blame here, no one else."

"Very well, if you're not up to the task Captain, I'll do it."

"Then I'll undo those binds and make sure she swallows you whole." I snap as she turns to put some gear on. Slowly the woman turns back and juts her chin forward. "Don't think I won't."

"That's treason."

"That's fascinating." I raise a brow at her and watch the tantrum build.

"I am royalty, and you will respect that, _Captain_."

"And I'm a soldier, your Highness. I only answer to Erwin Smith and as far as I'm aware, that isn't you. So leave Senefold be, get back on your wagon and leave this regiment behind you. MP's have no place here, here is where we actually do something worthwhile." I can't help the slight snarl that enters my voice, and I turn to Senefold as I hear a chuckle from her. There's no sign that she's conscious, the beast's eyes remaining vacant, but that shell would not have reacted to those words, but she would. Flickers are breaking through at least, that makes this hurt a lot less.

A small humph leaves the prissy bitch still trying to loom over me.

"Three days. I give you three days and then my men will restrain all of you whilst we dispose of this... thing." The woman sniffs and turns fast enough to make her hair flick out, I simply dodge it and fight against the urge to spit at her, or indeed lodge a blade into her thick skull. "However, we will be taking _that_ boy into custody." She says with a click of her fingers, shackles appearing and men advancing on Jeager. I step in front of him, pushing the kid back as he makes no more noise than a confused garble of 'huh?'.

"On what grounds? He followed orders."

"The wrong ones. At least give me this Captain, or else I will get _very_ angry. Then we might have a real issue to be dealing with." Her tone is like silk slicked with shit, and as she twirls her hair between her delicate fingers I just try to maintain compsure.

"It's all right, sir. If it buys Alexia time, I'll spend a couple nights in the cells." The kid says and I glance his way in surprise. Was martyrdom catching? I look back to the woman and sigh, stepping aside and letting the kid step up to the plate. The shackles are clearly unneeded but they clamp them into place anyway, Jeager just bearing it like he did everything else. I feel like I need to give him a bit more credit from now on.

"Good choice, Captain. Oh... and how's the 'Commander' Smith doing anyway?" Asks Meghan, her men leading Eren away without a single protest.

"None of your concern to be honest." Says Hanji, her eyes flashing in the dying light of day. Meghan laughs her way into a full on cackle and she shakes her head, this all seeming like a game to her. It was people's lives, the future of humanity, and yet to her it was like chess to pass the time? My teeth grind together.

"I kind of got that impression when I was denied entry to his quarters, rather protective of him aren't you all? Good to know he can't defend himself." She pretends to wipe a tear away and Hanji steps forward, hands clenched by her side.

"How about you get a little closer to Senefold and we see how you fair without your right arm? See how fast you recover from being mutilated. What was it Senefold said? Hour and a half for her leg?" I have never heard Four-Eyes this angry, but I'm glad it's her and not me. It's only for a second but I see something shake within that composed bitch's eyes, and she knows our resident mad-woman is not to be trifled with. I'm kind of proud of Hanji right now, not that I'll ever tell the nutter that.

"It was necessary experimentation to understand the biology of Shifters as a whole, after all, you never know when they might turn on us." Defends Meghan lamely and I just can't withhold the snort no matter how hard I try. Hanji just shakes her head in disgust; my respect only growing.

"Seems more like we need to worry about our fellow humans for that." She growls, literally shaking with rage. A cruel smile pulls on those plump lips and Meghan dips her head, not even refuting it before she meanders off back to her convoy of henchmen. I look to the cadets that had helped secure Senefold and they all salute immediately.

Yeah, we Scouts knew what loyalty meant.

"Ensure the minimal amount of room is given to that rabble, each of you can have their own room or whatever the hell it takes. I want no less than four of those bastards to a room at once. Including the head wench. Understood?"

"Yes, sir!" It rings around them and I nod to each in turn.

"Good, now get going, and don't hesitate to get me or Squad Leader Zoe if you need back-up. Right now? We move as a whole regiment against this shit." I say and they all repeat their assurances before heading away with urgency, knowing they would have to act fast to avoid the infection of Unicorn faeces spreading too far.

I then look to the first squad that has gathered for guard duty, and whilst a few of them are looking at Senefold with reservation, they don't look with any fear or suspicion. She really was one of us now, huh? In all this mess that was probably the last thing I expected to happen.

"First Squad you will watch Senefold till sunset, then you will wait here until the other Squad has arrived. This Titan shell is not to be left unattended at _any_ time. Understood?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good, now then, each of you will take a place around her, all sides covered. I will send another team along with some tents to create a barrier and shelter if it should rain. Same applies to you as the other group, if any Unicorns decide to pay a visit? You immediately get me or Squad Leader Zoe if you can't send them packing on your own. I will not accept mistakes right now, brats."

"Yes, sir!"

Dammit I kind of feel proud of our entire regiment.

* * *

 **So yeah Titan Shell rehab time, yay! Hope you enjoyed and hope the slightly shorter chapter is okay!  
**

 **Thanks for reading, please leave a fav, follow and or review, I love hearing from you all!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MadnessIsContagious96: I'm glad you liked Flight From Darkness, it's my little baby fic to be honest and I have REALLY hit a road block with it, but I do intend to continue it eventually. By no means do you need to leave a mammoth review every time, I mean i LOVE them, but I just love a couple lines even. To be honest half of my spelling mistakes are from typing too damned fast and then accidentally skim reading (as an english graduate this is basically built into me now annoyingly enough!) but I do always try my best, so apologies for mistakes. *hangs head*. I'm glad liked the joke of a Titan serenade, I always love to make Alex as sassy as I can, it's just how she lives and breathes. I always aim for comedy because let's face it, the SNK universe is a tad depressing at times, and I know I always seek out the funny in tense situations. I am humbled YET AGAIN by your praise, and am always thrilled that you find the story so flowing etc. I always worry about it becoming disjointed, but thank you for reassuring me again! I can't help but blush about your comment on my writing style, it's such a thrill to see a comment like that, so THANK YOU so much! I've always thrived to be distinctive in my narrative style. I know... I am a pain in the ass for cliffhangers, but this time was less of one! Right...? I genuinely find it hard to tell these days.**

 **(THE NEXT THREE ONLY SAY GUEST SO I HOPE YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE!)**

 **Guest: You needed this update? Well i'm glad it was given to you fairly quickly, this one as well! Good luck with your classes m'dear and don't worry about having time, this story will still be here when you get back! Promise ;) Glad you're still enjoying them and glad to have you on board. Good luck with everything and thanks for the review!**

 **Guest: I hadn't heard the song except for in the background of the film, but I went and investigated and yeah... I see where you're coming from haha. I mainly write in silence or with instrumental stuff in the background, lyrical songs always end up distracting me haha! Glad you're enjoying and thanks for the review!**

 **Guest: I am rather mean for tormenting poor Alexia, I know this deep down. I am a dick. And I am very cruel with cliffhangers, SORRY. And yes the Captain is finally starting to accept the fact he can feel something other than contempt haha! Thank you, hope you're still checking in and hope the update was up the par. Thanks for the review!**

 **UmbreonGurl: I know... I am addicted to cliffhangers I think. It's probbaly due to Isamya always doing them, I'm being influenced by the devil himself! Hope this was worth the wait, but thankfully it was only a week and a bit this time! Thanks for checking in as always m'dear, hope this was up to par for you and see you next time!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hello there, I am about... oh... two weeks late with this I suppose now. Oops. I am however, now working to a proper schedule in my day to day writing etc. so i am HOPING this will improve the regularity of what I can upload etc. I also hope to get back into doing Artwork for my stuff, as I'm ITCHING to do so! Anyway, on with the show!**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own AOT.**

 **Note: MANGA DETAILS, SPOILERS AHEAD, YE BE WARNED. Stuff beyond Season 1 shall crop up all over the place, so... yeah... no moaning at me.**

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

I sit there staring at my knees as I tuck them up by my chest, hugging them because right now there is nothing else to be done. It's cold in here. Why is it cold? With all this noise and steaming gore you'd think I'd be working up a sweat, but no, instead I feel chills running along my spine and my teeth chatter whenever I don't press my chin against my legs or arms. I stopped screaming a while ago. In the end you scream in order to be heard, but right now I know the only one getting a headache from it is me, so frankly it's a bit counter-productive.

I think it's been about a week by now, but time is a little odd in here. I could see sunrises and sun sets of course, but counting was never my strong suit and I have lost that tether a while back. I'll say a week simply to avoid thinking of it being any damned longer than that.

Dammit why did he have to be right?

The second I felt him cut away more of the sinew I felt weaker, only marginally, but enough to avoid me arguing the point. For all intent and purpose, right now I was stuck here, marinating in my own fuck-up whilst half the regiment has to babysit me. It had all happened in a flash, that sudden snap of control and then suddenly here I was all disconnected. Thank whatever gods remained for Eren transforming and taking me on, in that state I could have seriously fucked up the HQ. Probably the entire regiment. So far in my Titaning years I had avoided eating anyone, not a single human had passed my lips as far as I knew, and when it came down to it I was really proud of that. Not a lot in my life amounted to anything more than a smirk, but that idea gave me a real sense of achievement. Funny what ends up making one feel accomplished. For some it's a well-paid job, for others a loving family, but for myself it's that I haven't committed cannibalism yet. Kudos to me.

I glance up at those big orb windows and sigh as the shift swaps over, lanterns bobbing about out there, flames flickering as the wind picks up. Were they cold too? Were my babysitters grumbling into their capes as the wind nips their skin? I hope not, but really that's all I can do right this second. Hope. It wasn't really a word I was familiar with.

I wanted to kill him myself when he insisted I stay in here. Sure it was the right thing to do, but having felt that jolt of cold, fresh, free air, and then being made to return to this swampy mess was so much worse. I had never been keen on this place. It was always so suffocating and irritating as I felt more confined than anywhere else. At least this time I could see, no weird hallucinations are gripping me as thankfully no fever holds control over my mind. Yet at the same time that allows me to be coherently aware of my own failings. Silver linings and scummy underbellies.

I watch the Captain stroll into view, cussing at a couple MP's that attempt to join the watch, sending them packing with a small gesture to his blades. He was doing everything he could huh? The rest of the cadets file in around me, creating a small ring of protection that both comforts me, and piles the guilt even higher.

"Still being a self-indulgent pain in my ass then?" He says, tilting his head and making the lantern light dance over his hair. I sigh, the shell doing the same apparently, and I nearly see a damned smile on that face. "Don't worry, you're kinda buying Smith time as well. Meghan's got her lace knickers in such a twist about you, she's slightly distracted. Not to mention the fuss she's kicking up about having her own room... tried to take yours."

I growl.

"Don't worry, brat. I put the weird scarf lover in there for now..." He sighs, taking a seat nearby and cracking open a flask of coffee. Perhaps something stronger. I huff, not knowing who he's speaking about. In that odd fashion of his, he raises the cup to his lips and blows, the steam wafting away before he takes a delicate sip. "Sorry what is it you call her... the... the She Wolf?" He shrugs and continues to sip the coffee.

It pisses me off to think of that She-Wolf maniac in my room probably raking through the absolute non-entity of my possessions, but I'm glad to know it wasn't Meghan. She'd probably have poisoned the bed or something when leaving. If she ever did leave. I shudder at the idea of her actually managing to gain control over the Scouts, knowing she wouldn't mess about with the final goal of destroying them. Would she order them out and then double back, keep the gate closed and watch them be devoured one by one? Or simply line them up and have them shot? Nah, that would be more work right? I swallow hard and see a blade flashing in front of my eye suddenly, looking to the big windows and frowning as I see Levi hanging there yelling something.

"Senefold? Oi!" The blade slaps against my nose again and I realise the shell is panting, whimpering and swaying a little. I guess it must have looked like I was having a fit. I calm everything down and blink slowly, Levi seeming to calm as well, reason hopefully returning to my gaze. He looks over his shoulder to the gathered squad below. "She's fine, back to your posts. Stay alert."

Seems I'm causing all kinds of trouble.

"You all right in there, brat? Don't lose focus, just get healed and come back all right?" I can't _not_ hear the desperation in his voice. It's touching as well as worrying for me.

That same desperation had flooded him in my room, made those steeled walls of his wane and crumble. I won't bother denying it hit me deeply that he cared that much, that he was willing to go that far to try and get me to keep fighting. But it scared the hell out of me as well. I was not a safe bet at the best of times, and as I run my hand through my whitened hair I know now it's an even worse gamble. Levi had already felt that harsh sting too many times, and loss wasn't the kind of thing that got easier to bear. I swallow hard as those two blades stuck into the earth flash over my mind and I just clench my hands tightly, trying to do as told and focus on healing.

But who the hell am I healing for?

Do I even know any more?

Was it Levi? The connection between us was about as rickety and messy as it got, bits always falling off and nails constantly needing hammered back in. The structure was about as safe as Meghan was subtle, and yet I kept looking back at it, kept doing those repairs, kept hoping deep down that it might endure the storm. A storm that never seemed to fucking end.

Or was it the Scouts? Those piles of laundry that really had never stopped being real people in my mind. The young hearts offered up to a deranged man's ideals and fighting for a world without walls looming. I had always been fighting for something, so seeing it on such a grand scale was bound to affect even a degenerate bitch like myself. People like Eren and Hanji were so rare in this world, so precious that I felt like I needed to try and protect them. With self-interest having been my main drive for most of my life, it was a weird concept. But it wasn't one I could deny either. I considered them family, and that wasn't something I had ever expected to have again.

Or was it Golden Boy? The sheer determination in those sky blue eyes was the ultimate double-edged sword. He had cut me with it so many times the scars would likely never fade, he had wronged me, imprisoned me, abandoned me, and yet in a weird upside-down way he had also saved me. The second he had ordered my capture my life had changed, my Fate had veered into a new direction. He had led me to my humanity again.

Is that good or bad?

Am I right or wrong?

Clarity into confusion.

Detachment into involvement.

Loneliness into companionship.

Independence into dependants as well as dependence.

Funnily enough I don't think I can ever claim to be fighting for myself now. If that were the case I'd have bolted a long time ago, I'd have scarpered at the first opportunity and never even glanced back. But I had. I still was. Constantly looking over my shoulder, checking that they were following, ensuring I'm not alone.

Perhaps it's all of them wrapped up in a very thin film of Me as well?

I feel a coldness against the back of my neck and I shudder, body feeling heavy all of a sudden and going slack. The big windows are paling, blanking out as I start to fall backwards, like I'm aiming to simply fall back into bed. Only right now I'm fairly sure I'm a couple too many metres above the ground to experience anything other than immense pain from this toppling session. But alas I am once again proven wrong as arms wrap round me, a goofy smile pulling my lips as I just decide 'fuck it' and let myself start to drift into a real sleep.

"Once again your timing is a piece of shit..." I hear a grumble from my Captain, the smile only broadening as my mind slips into a weird calm. Dammit I was having another epiphany just then! Or maybe I had finished it? I sigh and give up on figuring anything else out right now, it's warm in these arms, so right now sleep is happening and everything else can do one.

* * *

My head feels groggy as I blink into the waking world, and I frown as bright sunshine filters in between bars. Cell bars. I think I preferred the weird eye-windows. God dammit what had happened now? All I remember is suddenly being all inner-peace and shit, and then falling out of that shell into the waiting arms of Ninja Charming. How had any of that led to cell bars and clanking chains on my wrists? I sigh, at least there was a semi-comfortable bed underneath my aching body. I must have been lying here for at least a day, my ass has made a groove in the bedding.

"You finally awake, Brat?" I hear a rumble from a few feet away, and I slowly sit up, groaning in an incredibly middle-aged fashion. I blink again and slowly that smudge turns into my Captain leaning against the bars looking like he hasn't slept a wink.

"Hey..." I cough and clear my throat roughly, looking to the side and reaching for the small tumbler of water thankfully left there. A bucket is on the floor as well, but really I think that was becoming my accessory of choice wasn't it? I sip the water and grimace as the cold sensation dribbles down my parched throat and makes my stomach gurgle.

"This was the best I could do." He rumbles again, shifting his weight and looking too openly guilty as I glance his way. "It was this or the crazy bitch was going to cut you down there and then. It seemed the lesser of two evils." A shrug happens and I smile softly, making that guilt only increase somehow. I sip again.

"Not the worst establishment I have spent the night in, that's for sure." I say with a simper.

"One way of looking at it I guess..."

"Thanks for the water. I um... I guess I just passed out right? I didn't rage again or anything did I?"

"You really were out of it, huh?" He snorts, shaking his head and scraping his dark hair back from those tired eyes. His tongue clicks. "You kind of rambled for a while, murmuring some nonsense about the regiment and laundry, then you asked for Hanji and Eren, but you just kept burbling about ninjas after that." Her surmises with a knowing narrowing of his eyes towards the end. I suppose he had to know about my little nickname for him by now. Then again, had I actually said it to him at any point? I try to remember, but a pulsing throb in my head soon stops any attempts in their tracks.

"Right... so not a simply night night... apologies I suppose." I sigh and set the tumbler back down, the clack echoing around my rather nice looking cell. I frown as I take in the plain room, never having seen this place before. "Where am I?"

"It's a more 'civilised' cell that Hanji had done up for you just in case." He explains, and the laugh escapes me before I can do a damned thing about it. He almost smiles in return. "You're still at HQ Senefold, don't worry, those MP bastards aren't taking you anywhere."

"Thanks, Levi." I nod and lean back against the wall after shifting my weight back there. "I suppose the Big-Arsed Bitch kicked up a fuss about my luxurious surroundings?"

"Of course she did, but I simply explained how well a blade would fit between her eyes and she soon shut up."

"I'm clearly a bad influence on you, Captain." I snort and he gives another shrug.

"But I would expect a visit from her sooner rather than later." He looks to the side and then leans forward. "Erwin's on the mend, seems a fire was lit under him as soon as he heard you transform. Dunno if it'll just relapse on him later but... I think he'll be fighting your corner as much as he can."

"So I have a deranged scientist, a kid who is the personification of rage, a clever little ninja and the newly handicapped Golden Wonder on my team... how could I lose?" I chuckle and clear my throat again, hearing another click of his tongue that just makes me grin more.

"You have more than that, but yeah... that's the gist of it I suppose."

"Never felt safer in my life." I say sincerely, and his eyes turn a bit sad at that rather pathetic confession. Yeah, I'm a violin solo on repeat right?

"Just don't let her get to you again, don't let yourself shift for anything. Shitty-Four-eyes checked you over thoroughly of course but we don't want to take any chances." He swallows, and I know that 'we' is really him. I nod and look towards the side of the room as a door creaks open from far off, the long stride clearly that of a woman swinging her hips about too much.

"Seems like sooner has come round pretty quick." I smile and look down at my lap, the shackles all too familiar. Levi steps back, boots scuffing against the stonework as his enthusiasm remains at an all-time low.

"I see you're already here, Captain."

"Congrats, you're not blind yet, it's a known side-effect of blowing your own trumpet too much." Drawls Levi and I snort, putting a hand over my mouth as I realise I had really started to rub off on him.

"Please step back from the bars, we don't want anyone thinking you're trying to help the prisoner escape now do we?" Meghan coos, sickly voice slithering closer with every clack of her stride. I sit up straight and clench my jaw, psyching myself up for another round of pursed lips, self-importance laced tones and derivative looks.

Don't let her get to me.

Don't let her get to me.

Don't let her... fuck she is annoying though.

"She's not considered a prisoner by those actually in charge of this HQ, so really it doesn't matter where I choose to stand. Keep those lackies back." He snaps, jutting his chin out a bit as she saunters into view and glances my way with a smirk. "She's contained so you've no need for the henchmen."

"A dick always needs it's ball-sack, Captain." I sigh and I watch that typical irritation light those rat-like eyes, Meghan's mask never perfectly in place. The two men accompanying her glance at each other, slowly shrivelling as they realise that I had indeed just referred to them as this woman's nuts. "Oh dear, I think it's a bit chilly down here for them."

"Kindly stop your foul mouth." She says, glancing back at the two blushing men and nodding silently, allowing them to recede back up where they had plopped out from. As they disappear she turns back to me and smooths down her perfect hair. "So, you're finally awake after all the dramatics."

"Evidently." I sigh, and she drums her nails against the bars.

"Tell me, how did it feel to have your little escape plan fail?"

"Escape plan?" I repeat in as bored a tone as I can conjure without actually falling asleep. She licks her lips and smiles coldly.

"You shifted in order to make a break for the wall again, didn't you? You successfully mauled your previous Commander and then knew you had to flee before I had taken control. It's all right my dear, no need to explain, I already figured it out." She grins.

"Wow... delusion really does come that easily to you doesn't it?" I scoff, looking from her to Levi and seeing his stoic mask perfectly in place. But I know he's feeling same disbelief as me. I had known she would pull some shit, but a break-out? That was damned weak.

"Denying it will get you nowhere." She tuts, waggling her finger at me, making me wonder how nice a snapping noise it would make when bent all the way back.

"I can't deny something that isn't even true. I saved Smith's life for whatever damned reason, and you're not in charge of this regiment. I can't think of a single thing you just said that was either true or even logical. The inbred genes are in full bloom today, eh?"

"Very well, disregard the facts if you must. But at least allow me to inquire after your accomplice?" She asks with a slight tilt of her head, both me and Levi straightening up a bit as we feel her words turn in a new direction. Her malice takes a new target into it's sights and I feel a coldness building up in the pit of my stomach.

"The hell are you talking about now, wench?" I snarl and she laughs with a shake of her head. That coldness builds up, reaching my throat and making my nausea return.

"Now, now, I can understand trying to play the martyr yourself, but really, what good would it do to protect him? He's just _waiting_ to be executed, and now you can get him out of the way with no trouble at all. It's all right dear I have-"

"Quit the riddles and spit it out, who do you mean?" interrupts Levi, earning a raise of her brow and slow look up and down. This woman enjoyed her part too much.

"Eren Jeager of course. He tried to help her get out, he disobeyed a direct order from me, and frankly is due his day with the executioner."

Eren?!

Fuck you lady.

Fuck you and your hip swinging walk and your damned painted lips, and your corset deprived waistline and your... no wait a second. I take a deep breath and sit back, exchanging a quick look with Levi and then smoothing out my blanket after my fists had bunched it all up.

Don't let her get to me.

Don't let this snot-nosed-banshee-of-a-wench's-saggy-tit get to me.

"Eren Jeager helped contain me after _you_ triggered my shifting in order to cause chaos." I spell it out slowly and with a small nod to Levi afterwards. He nearly smiles again. However our pompous guest is shaking her head still.

"Not how I saw it I'm afraid, and really my opinion is the only one that matters." She sighs, picking at her nails. "We haven't detained him yet, but as soon as I have a couple answers from you, I think there's a couple shackles with his name etched into them."

"He fucking tackled me to the ground, shoved a knee through my torso and ripped my limbs off. How in the hell can that be construed as _anything_ but trying to detain me?" I say through clenched teeth and a distorted smile, the humour of this ridiculousness hard to ignore. The shackles on my wrists rub slightly and I know I cannot allow Eren to be put back into this situation, the kid had already been through enough containment, enough suspicion. All he wanted was to save humanity and avenge his mother; politics and lineage were so far from his concerns I doubt he even knew where to stand on the subjects. This isn't something I can let her loop him into, he was a kid, not a damned pawn to be played with.

Her nose wrinkles.

"It could easily have been a double-bluff." She quips with a pursing of her lips.

"Eren knew he might have to kill me, and he was willing to take that risk. Don't go making out he was some gallant lovesick puppy doing everything to save the damsel."

"He still went against _my_ orders." Her self-important tone makes its timely appearance.

"And? You ain't the Commander Miss Prissy, you like to think you are, and I'm sure your self-importance is wedged nice and tight up that pent arsehole of yours. But that doesn't mean he has to follow _your_ orders." I snarl, and unfortunately she can tell she's crawling under my skin, pulling on nerves and making me feel warm along my spine again. Dammit I cannot change again. The derivative look appears and we have come full circle.

"My orders are the only ones to be followed right now, pretty sure I made that clear upon my arrival before your little dramatic display." She tuts yet again and I know my want to rip her tongue out isn't solely my own. Levi is gritting his teeth so hard I have to consider he'll cause them to crumble.

"Correct me if I'm wrong here..." I say, taking a calming breath as her smirk keeps widening. "I'm pretty sure Eren was handed over to the Scouts to deal with. And that crest on your shoulder is not a pair of wings, it's a horny donkey."

"Unicorn."

"Nah, that's a mythical creature of purity and all that, you lot ain't pure, or if you are I'm Queen of the mother-fucking world." I snort and shake my head, knowing that flash in her eyes is a thirst for my pain. These cells are like a holiday resort compared to the dank hell she kept me in, and I know she wishes there was more options for my containment. But sorry love, the Scouts are a lot more on the side of justice than random acts of torture and torment. "You're a horny donkey with delusions of grandeur as you stand in a big wank-circle shoving those horns into each others-"

"Do you _have_ to be vulgar _all_ the time?"

"I dunno... do you _have_ to speak like a bad actress _all_ the time?"

She pouts.

"I'm merely calling it as it is, Sweetcheeks. You have no more power than I do, you're just a puppet on golden strings that are all twinkly and shiny. That's it love. You're garnished." I lean back and cough lightly, dabbing my lips carefully with the blanket. Levi glances my way, eyes tightening as he sees my movement.

"Suppose that shift put your recovery back a bit, my dear?" Meghan hopes, seeming to salivate at the idea of me simply dropping down dead of my own accord. With this hopping about though I manage to find some solace, she is desperate. She's running out of time? Patience? Perhaps she really needed results this time, perhaps the royals are getting tired of her not being able to control me? I shrug.

"Not really, I feel a damn sight better in myself actually." I revel in her frustration. My heart clenches though as I hear the rattle of keys and watch her open the cell door, having not expected her to do that at all. "The hell do you think you're doing?"

"Making you nervous."

"I'm not gonna shift again if that's your intention." I snap, leaning against the cold wall and glad of the ice running along my skin. Levi growls, but I know he can't actually man handle her out of here without landing himself in a cell. That wouldn't help anyone.

Her dark eyes hone in on me and she stalks over to loom, glancing back over her shoulder and clearing her throat loudly. My heart is hammering in my chest now. A blonde head swims into view as I breathe harder, everything beginning to feel fuzzy. Dammit heart you need to calm your shit down right now. Who the hell was the blonde? A girl I think, but the world is blurring. Ugh I know that face from somewhere.

"Who the hell are you... uh... Crystal right?" I frown, the world too smeared to get a proper ID, but I just hear a huff and assume I got the name wrong. But it was a blonde all right, I have never heard a patient noise coming out of a blonde's mouth in my life.

" _Christa_ was my false name, yes."

"You had a false name? Is that like... false teeth but for someone with memory loss?" I lean my head back as another prissy noise erupts between pinky pouting lips. This is only going to get more annoying isn't it? Guh... someone throw me patience, a bath and a lot of liquor please? Please? Help a sister out in a time of severe irritation. I swallow hard and see the smirk spreading over Meghan's lips, my nerves only getting tighter.

Don't let her get to me.

Don't let her get to me.

"It was for my protection actually, our families are always a little odd about... illegitimacy." Christa explains and I grumble as that pain flares in my head again. 'Our Families'. Not another bloody royal? I sigh and take a second, feeling their gazes on me as gradually things slow down and I can breathe right again.

"Okay... so you're a bastard?"

" _How dare you_!" Christa humphs and I am immensely glad I don't remember ever having had a conversation with her before. I think I had seen her around the place, and as far as my befuddled mind could recall, she had come in with the rest of Eren's class. I lick my chapped lips.

"Did Daddy dearest diddle the house-maid? Or was Mumma humping the stable boy?" I shrug, feeling them both glare at me hotly. "What? I have no idea who the hell you are little girl, so if I'm meant to know this _big_ family secret I can assure you I don't."

"This is Historia Reiss you imbecile." Sighs Meghan impatiently, tapping her foot.

Uh...

Okay...

My eyes go wide, my mouth drops open and I look around wildly.

"Oh my god! Really?! No way! So... who the fuck is that?" I sigh, leaning back with my usual bored expression when shit was meant to get dramatic. The vague blondness beyond the bars turns a little bit more of a salmon shade. I think I was meant to be amazed. Whoopsies?

"She is by all accounts, the next heir to the throne. She is the key to gaining control over the peasants and everything else." Explains Meghan with a rolls her eyes as she puts her hands on her hips. I nod slowly and pop my lips together.

"Oh, including the Titans breaking the doors down and drooling over everything that belongs under the umbrella term 'human'? You gonna be able to control those as well, sweetheart?" I wink to the bars, hoping she hadn't left already because bugger me if I can see much more than smudges beyond a metre or so.

"O-Order... Order can be restored." The small voice reiterates, having clearly been given her script too soon before she came onto stage. Silly girl didn't know her lines all that well. I look to Meghan and raise a brow.

"So why is it I am meant to be gripped by intrigue right now?"

"You are her only competition." Purrs my overly invested cell company. I slowly tilt my head and consider the ridiculousness of what she just said, but try as I might I can't quite contend with that much stupid right now. I think I hear Levi snort, and quite frankly that in itself points out the crazy situation I am currently sitting in. Since when was I measuring my thick skull for a crown?

"Competition to what? The throne? Oh ok, contest over, take it love." I close my eyes and feel the air move before there's the predictable strike against my cheek. A slap, how original. Boots shift against stone and I can only imagine Levi is doing everything he can not to charge in here and throttle my cousin, or however the hell I was related to the Banshee. "What was that for? I just conceded you dumb-ass." I grumble, flexing my jaw.

I see a fire in those dark eyes I hadn't noticed before, fresh fear bubbling up in my chest as I consider this crazy wench still hadn't shown me her full on batshit.

"I don't believe that for a second." She hisses, jabbing a manicured finger at me. "You're a fighter, you're an ambitious cretin. How can you know you're in contention for the crown and not even _consider_ sitting atop that throne and controlling it all?" Her voice is so breathy by the end of her ramblings, like she's climaxing over the simple idea of being ruler of this messed up world. People point at me and call me mad? Call me weird? Take a gander over here at the woman currently building up to a shriek of orgasm over a gilded toilet seat.

"Humans are messy, why the hell would I want to assign myself the task of trying to tidy their shit up?"

"Power changes everyone." Says Meghan oddly.

"Look... all I want?" I lean forward, shackles clanking. "Is to either stay here and help the Scouts, or to go home, to live out my life anonymously and be allowed to come and go as I please. I want freedom, and nothing else. You hear me? Doesn't matter what my last name is, what my false name could be, whether its blue,green or red blood in my veins. I want to be me, I want to be free... oh for fuck's sake... you fuckers just made me rhyme... leave me alone would you?" I whine, curling into myself and resting on my pillow. "I'm tired of your shit, come back when you've got your common sense working again."

"You'll crack." Meghan hisses, looming over the bed as I fixedly stare down at the white sheet. "I'll get it out of you how you intend to steal the crown. I will."

"I'm not going to steal anything." I mumble against my sheets, shaking my head as exhausted tears well up in my eyes. It feels pathetic, but let's face it, I'm running on less than fumes here.

"You can't lie forever."

"You seem to do a damned good job of it, Meghan." I snort and clear my throat. Her tongue clicks, revving up for another monologue when I just grit my teeth and look up at her imploringly. "Ugh just fuck off _please_."

"Get those shackles off her, and remove yourself from that cell. Now." The rumbling tones of the Commander suddenly appear, and I slowly raise my head with an expression of disbelief. How was he here? How was he even able to talk like that again? His voice had been small and scratchy in the bedroom where we had talked, how was he all boomy and intimidating again? I swallow hard, trying to blink the tears away before he rounds the corner. He's walking? He stands there as tall as ever, looming with purpose. "Do not make me repeat myself to the likes of you."

"Commander Erwin, you shouldn't be-"

"I suggest you take my warning." He mutters, not looking at Meghan, but at me with what almost looks like apology again. I take a breath in, annoyed by the shake to it, but glad to know I hadn't gone ahead and imagined the change that had taken to him. Perhaps I could still hope for eventual freedom.

Meghan is seething, rage rolling off her in waves that bump against me. The more irritated she got though, the better I felt about the world again. The shackles fall away and I rub my wrists as she struts off, pausing by the door and looking the man up and down. It's his turn to wrinkle his nose, and let's face it, he does it better than she ever could.

"Move." He orders, and she steps aside with a small nod, her dark eyes lingering on that ominously vacant jacket sleeve.

"Impressive feat Smith, but that doesn't stop my orders from over-riding yours."

"And I'm sure that doesn't stop my men from blatantly ignoring you. Cadets, get Senefold to the mess-hall, she needs a meal before being helped back to her bunk. Unless you would prefer to eat in your room?" He offers, brilliantly ignoring the ongoing stink-eye being given by the petulant Meghan. She huffs pointedly and struts away without a second glance from anyone. 'Historia' bites her lip and scuttles off after her new best friend, apparently not quite well versed enough in her newly found 'importance' to stand alone and preach.

I watch her go and listen for the door closing before looking to Golden Boy again and smiling a little. It looks like he almost returns it.

"Some company would be welcomed actually." I nod in thanks, letting the cadets get me out of the bed and into yet another fricking wheelchair. "You gonna join- whoa!" I nearly reach for him as the man sways on the spot. Levi steps closer to him.

I think as soon as he knew Meghan couldn't see him any more, that fire flickered out of his eyes as the fight fell away. The sway is getting stronger and he staggers back into a chair that Levi had quickly brought closer. Erwin's hand goes to his stump and he grits his teeth, a cadet mopping the sweat from his brow and helping him get the tight jacket off. The bandaging is crimson and he pants for a couple moments whilst composing himself. I can't even joke right now. This was a man who knew how to play the game, he had danced his way through the politics of this world a thousand times more than anyone else here. Clearly he knew Meghan wouldn't take him seriously in the chair, so he had made himself put on the pretence of recovery. Dammit he was insane.

"Apologies for... n-not getting here... sooner." He says between those bared teeth, and I just give a small nod in return, stunned by this new man. "Only just managed to... do that without vomiting." He mutters with a swallow and smirk at himself, apparently a sense of humour having been found along with a human heart. Would wonders never cease?

"You're an idiot for doing that..." murmurs Levi, but I think everyone down here can see the gratitude in the Captain's face despite his scolding. I lick my lips, a Cadet rolling me towards the door as I try to think of what to say.

"You... I... I'm amazed you managed to _sit_ upright so soon Golden Boy... let alone stand and fight for me. I... heh..." I look at the cadet behind me, and she smiles as she wheels me closer to my fellow invalid. I reach over reservedly, hand wavering and pausing a couple times, but I still eventually lay it upon his knee and give a gentle squeeze. His big blues look at me in surprise. "Thank you, Erwin. Really."

"You're... You um, you're welcome Sen- Alexia." He corrects himself and I chuckle as I watch a faint blush run over those gaunt cheeks. He still needed a shave though, pulling off the rugged look like the handsome bastard he was. "Rest well... I'm already sending word to any of those in the Brass still willing to listen to me. I will do everything that I can to stop this from happening."

"You talking about my situation or yours?" I ask, watching that smirk reappear.

"Both if I can."

"How about you focus on you, Golden Boy? I can handle my shit as per usual-" I say, but he holds up a hand to silence me, and for once I let it slide.

"Agree to disagree, you're getting my help whether you like it or not woman. So deal with it however you best can."

Kudos Stumples.

Kudos.

I just lean back with hands held up in submission.

"Thank you." He rumbles tiredly, sitting back and gesturing back the way they had come. "I'll talk with you later perhaps." He coughs again, and as that sheen of sweat reappears I can't help but wonder if his fever might have come back full pelt within the hour.

"Yeah... sure thing Golden Boy." I murmur as he's wheeled away and we're left alone with another echoing thud as the back door is closed. They'd come in from the compound, that probably being the only actual wheelchair access down here. It wasn't exactly common practise to be accommodating to your prisoners was it?

"How you feeling?" asks the Cadet behind me, and only when I properly turn do I realise it's another of Eren's friends. I smile awkwardly, trying to recall any name other than Potato...

"Her name's Sasha." Mutters Levi with a small cough and I grin at the girl who is blushing slightly and shaking her head.

"It's fine, really. Don't think we've ever been properly introduced anyway." She gives an endearing smile and holds her hand out, and I shake it as firmly as I can. "You still wanting to go to the mess-hall? You seem a little weak."

"You're not getting her food ration if she doesn't, Braus." Says Levi, and the girl's blush brightens yet again. I still don't know why I'm thinking of the word potato, but I also don't have the energy to question it.

"Yeah I'll go to the Mess-hall. Some human contact would probably be good right now anyway." I sigh and look along the corridor. "I can probably make it up the steps myself though."

"Keep that ass where it is, Senefold. We'll carry your chair, just stay still." Mutters Levi and I am indeed carted over to the stairs and then hoisted up by them both. I won't deny I have had some odd situations in my life, but this has to be up near the top for weirdest. Considering how big a piece of shit I feel for making them do this, I am apparently lighter than I thought as neither of them seem to struggle much.

"So uh... Captain? Am I right in thinking we technically won that round?" I ask as we reach the top and the door to the outside world opens wide. He thanks Sasha and sends her off ahead to get my food ready.

"Yeah I think so, Senefold. We're all a bit taken off guard by this Historia shit... I'd never really taken stock of the blonde kid before. She's all right as a soldier, but nothing special... turns out she's gonna be queen."

"The more you know I guess." I sigh, leaning on the arm rest and hearing another snort sound from the otherwise stoic man.

"Yeah... the more you know..."

* * *

 **I realise it's becoming a running theme, but I really didn't want to just have Alexia spring back into action like 'yeah no big deal, it's all good!' But I promise she won't be constantly waking up all icky. She's getting there! Right? *evil laughter just to make you nervous***

 **Thanks for reading! I hope it was worth the wait, and I hope to see you within the next weekishness! Leave a fav, follow and or review as I love to hear from you guys, really do. See you next time!**

 **Shoutouts:**

 **UmbreonGurl: Alexia is being put through the ringer as usual, I truly am evil to my characters, I know. Meghan is in fact based off a real life person and yes, it took a LOT of self-restraint not to strangle them in real life. However I have now made good on my promise to portray said asshole in my work as an asshole befitting their assholery. :P I have a way with words... thanks for the input! See you next time :D**

 **MadnessIsContagious: Seriously, stop apologising for shorter reviews! Haha, i love to hear from you whether it be big or small, so thank you yet again! Can I ask where you think it was going? Unless this is where you thought it was going of course... anyway glad to know I can still surprise people! I never want to be predictable, that's like death for a writer. I am planning on focusing on FFD once I have updated this [which i now have, duh] and Red Burning Wings, so hopefully over the next couple weeks, but we shall see. I'm glad you enjoy the Levi sections, they always make me very nervous because he is such a beloved character! So thanks for pointing out you think I got it right! Thanks for the review again, and see you next time :D**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hello again :) about two weeks this time, sorry about that! I am staying at my sisters at the moment and I have no desk... I am only now realising how much I bloody need my desk in order to focus. Good lord! It's bad... so very bad. Anyway hope you're all doing well, on with the show etc. etc. etc.**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own AOT, only Alexia Senefold.**

 **Enjoy!**

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The mess-hall is full with Cadets as it's lunchtime, but considering the numbers mulling around in here, it's far too quiet. Things were far from content eh? There's a general nervousness about the place that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, but I just stay quiet whilst Levi looks for a spot for us. Not that he couldn't clear a table with a snap of those fingers, but still, I think he wanted to simply blend in right now. We wheel towards a table to the far side containing some familiar faces, that seeming like the safest option. Levi clicks the locks into place when I'm at the head of the table and pats my shoulder before he heads off in search of sustenance. Oh how I love to be the centre of attention. Kinda like a firing squad. A lot of them end up staring despite the fact I'm sure they didn't intend to. I don't mind really, meant they cared where I was right? Unless it meant they were now shit-scared of me losing control, that they wondered if I might steam cook their breakfasts by suddenly shifting out of my wheelchair and blasting through the roof.

I hoped for the former.

"Hi guys... how's it going?" I give a small smile and gradually they seem to come back to their senses, all blushing and averting their gaze at last. Kids. "This is allowed by the way, I haven't broken out or anything. You're not sitting with a fugitive."

"I did wonder..." murmurs the Jean kid, playing with his food.

There's something to this silence, but I don't want to spook them right now, so I just wait instead. Considering everything that has gone down recently I can only guess at where their heads are, other than the She-Wolf's being parked up her own backside of course. After a couple more minutes of odd silence, Jean sighs and sets his fork down, looking to me with purpose. I swallow and brace for whatever that curiosity burning in his eyes wanted to know.

"Do you know what's going on with Christa?"

"Uh..." I stammer, not having seen that coming. I had more expected them to be demanding to know why I had shifted, why I put them at risk. But no. They wanted to know about the Blondie? All right I suppose, I can roll with the punches. Jean purses his lips and glances round the table.

"We only seem to be getting half the story... We hoped you at least might be willing to keep us in the loop. She's our friend after all... we only have so many of our class left." He frowns at me, not entirely accusingly, but certainly with a touch of resentment I'm pretty sure.

I blink.

When the hell have I known anything more than them about the inner workings of this place?

When the hell do I know anything about anything?

But as the question hangs in the air they are all looking at me expectantly and I lick my lips, drumming my fingers against the table-top as I wonder what I can really give them. I know a few bits and pieces and in all truth no one had told me what _not_ to say. So really there was no harm right? At worst it would piss of Meghan, and really that didn't seem like a downside to me.

"I um... well... other than her going bat-shit crazy?"

"Yes... other than that." Jean rolls his eyes so sassily I feel slightly proud.

"Well... Seems she has connections lineage wise... or something like that anyway." I shrug and he narrows his eyes, not convinced. I sigh. "Look I know about as much as you do probably, seems she's been taken under the wing of our resident Banshee MP wench, and is probably having her little head all warped up by said wenchy." I note an itch boring into my forehead. When I glance up I see the She-Wolf looking affronted. Well... not that she didn't generally look that way whenever seeing me, but this seems particularly intense. What had I done now?!

"Christa wouldn't do that." She says, those eyes somehow getting narrower.

"Well... she _has_ so-"

"I've known her since training." She snaps and I bite down on my tongue as my temper flares. They were kids. I had trouble keeping that in mind sometimes when watching them in battle, or discuss the death of a comrade, but at the end of the day that was what they were. No matter how bad-ass their skills, or how composed when burying a body. Sometimes they were kids.

Didn't mean they had to be rude of course...

But then again Beggars never get to buggering choose do they?

"Look there's no point in denying something that has already happened, I'm not lying to you, why on earth would I bother?"

"I won't pretend to understand _you,_ but I have known Christa for a long time and I certainly trust her over a woman we have known barely any time at all." She-Wolf almost looks pleased with herself until she takes note of every single other expression of 'shut the hell up' being given in return to her smug smile. Know your audience.

"Trust whoever you want, love. Makes little difference to me. But then again... you know my name as Alexia right? Funnily enough that hasn't changed, and yet your bosom blonde buddy is suddenly announcing herself as being called Histories?" I tilt my head, a snort escaping the bald kid along the table and I end up joining in as I realise my blunder. "Sorry... no... it's Histor _ia_ right?"

"Yeah, that's it." The baldy nods and I just grin along with him. It was gratifying to know that someone else was as bemused as myself. When the shit was hitting the fan, you might as well chuckle at the plopping noise it makes whenever it smacks you in the face right? The She-Wolf however snarls, not with any noise of course, her limited vocal capabilities didn't allow for actual emotion to be evoked, instead she does it with her eyes. It's bloody creepy.

"She's not a bad person." The bunched up knickers mutter at me.

"Never said she was." I say and her nose wrinkles, I look around the table. "Did I say that? Did anyone hear me call the little Blonde thing anything of the sort? Nope." I shake my head and lean on the table, "Look I know better than most how damned manipulative Meghan can be. Trust me when I say that woman is better at conning than a fucking snake... well... mainly because she can actually speak human language but... you get my meaning." I chuckle darkly and Eren almost smiles. Jean leans in a little closer, the kid seeming genuinely confused instead of suspicious now. It was progress if nothing else.

"So you think her change of attitude is all down to that MP woman?"

"Mhm..."

"Really? How can she have made Christa act this way? How... how can this MP woman have manipulated her that much?" Jean's bright intelligent eyes look so confused now I feel like I should ask someone to hug him for me. Poor kids are all looking to me for answers and I'm about as helpful as a misspelt dictionary. At least that's what it feels like.

"Well... from what the Blonde said in the cells... seems like little 'Historia' has pretty much been ignored by her family since birth, not all that legitimate you see... so if Meghan has gone ahead and whispered to her about belonging, then what do you expect? Anyone would jump at that chance, let alone a young girl who's probably had every door in the shop slammed in her face. I ain't saying this Historia girl is gonna come back to you, I can't make a claim like that because all I know about her is she's a bit fucking creepy looking. But I know how Meghan messes with people's minds... just try not to end up hating your friend all right? Give her a little lee-way."

" _You_ are telling _us_ to be kind?" Snorts the She-Wolf.

"Yeah I am sweetheart, so take the advice or feel like a fucking ass-hole when this all blows over and your little doll-looking friend needs someone to help her back out of the hole she's sinking into. Your choice little Miss Scarf-Fetish. I'm just trying to help." I snap at her and thankfully that cold-eyed twat backs down for once.

A few more snorts escape the table as I sit back and allow Levi to give me a tray of food. Jean quickly moves over to allow the Captain a seat next to me, and I am already growing fond of the Equestrian featured fellow. Amazingly enough Mikasa shuts her trap properly, eating her food in silence for the time being.

"You're giving advice now? Well we really are fucked." Mutters the Captain as he sips his coffee in that dumb-ass fashion, I am very mature of course and stick my tongue out at him.

Of course in front of the kiddy-winkles he doesn't crack the mask, but from the look he gives me I know he wants to smirk. Even if only a little. I reach out and pick up my spoon, leaning forward gently to sip at some stew, stomach churning with it but I know I have to eat something. With this Historia nonsense starting to gain momentum I really do need to recover sooner rather than later, I wasn't about to hope for Golden Boy being in any fit state to fight a battle. The way he had looked in the cells was hardly encouraging. I feel the Captain watching me but I don't look his way, I just focus on the mystery of what the meat I'm eating actually is. It was probably just Levi keeping track of me in case a bucket was suddenly needed anyway.

"So um... how are you... how are you feeling?" Eren asks, voice very small.

I sigh, realising that tone was one of guilt. Oh come on you adorable mess of a human, don't make me even more of a softy! I look his way and watch that blush bloom over his cheeks as he fiddles with his food; the epitome of awkward teenager. I take another sip of suspicious stew and straighten up, body aching in general and health probably fucked to all manner of being, but still I give him a smile. He has certainly earned that much from me.

"I'm doing okay, kid."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Recovering goes a lot better outside of a cell. Thanks for your help out there though, if you hadn't done that then bugger knows where I'd be."

"I only wanted to help..." He brushes it off and I just shake my head at him, almost starting to enjoy how much brighter that blush begins to burn. It was nice to induce a reaction other than anger, disgust or humour.

"You saved me, sorry kid but I'm not about to diminish that." I add with a nod and then feel that itch again. Eren's wannabe mother figure is glaring. Shocker. "I know he took a risk, and I will reprimand him when I don't feel like I'm gonna concave, okay? I know just as well as you that he was foolish to put himself in that situation... but it's his fucking choice. So quite yelling at me in your messed up brain." I take another spoonful and watch as her own face slowly turns to a matching shade with her scarf.

"So you really didn't mean to shift?" Says Jean, quickly looking like he regretted the question entirely. But I wasn't about to be offended, I have no idea what that whole shebacle must have looked like to him, to any of them. I was nothing if not entertaining, right?

"No I didn't mean to, I promise. I would never intentionally shift in the middle of the compound like that... Meghan just... she got under my skin." I mutter and find its my turn to play with the stew.

A small cough sounds at the head of the table.

"You really should be careful about defying her." A tiny voice follows the cough, and we all look over to where the woman of the moment stands with hands clasped and chin held high. Her long blonde hair hangs down like pale gold and her big doll-like eyes stare at me and then Eren in turn. Seriously, how did anyone look at that girl and not get the heeby-jeebies?!

"Um... hi." I say as silence takes over the group. The girl purses her lips.

"Meghan is not to be trifled with."

"What about pancaked?" I say with a pop of my lips, the Captain sipping his coffee to hide his smirk from the general populace. The blonde frowns and her lips somehow get even smaller; this is a kid trying to learn how to act the part. She hasn't been considered worth the Royal's time for years, possibly her entire life, and now she's being told she can rule. Quite the turnaround for a self-esteemless mind.

"You joke, but you know what I'm talking about." She says with a swallow, and as I watch her I know I'm right about what I'd said to Mikasa.

Everything I just said to her friends and comrades will likely come to pass; this girl will dig that hole deep and then be abandoned by Meghan when light can't reach her. I just hoped Christa's comrades had taken my words to heart, she would need help clambering back out again, either that or waste away. It isn't just a crown being lowered onto her head, but also a noose around her neck. This girl, this trembling little golden trinket, is as frightened as the rest of us, but is willing to chance it for the opportunity. I can't claim that at that age I would have turned my nose up at the idea of belonging, of being wanted. It was a tempting concept even now, but of course my gnarled up pride and sense of... whatever it was that held me back from this shit, holds it at arms length. Hence my inability to accept that I wanted Levi to bone me into submission again, and just hold me like the strong Ninja I knew he was; my mind reels back from even the idea. No, I didn't need him to save me, but that didn't mean I wasn't allowed to want to be a little broken for a while. Not to mention he fucking knew what he was doing in the sack.

But on a more serious note: being looked after and being saved weren't exactly the same thing.

I didn't need a knight in shining armour, I just wanted someone to depend on.

"Just don't let her wind those strings round your wrists too tight, Historia." I say quietly, knowing how it felt to have Meghan tug on those wires and cut into ones nerve. The girl's eyes shine. "They start to cut in after a while."

"You... y-you don't know anything about it."

"You and I both know that ain't true." I say with a shake of my head, watching those tears build.

"She can help me."

"She can help anyone that can help her first." I sigh, sitting back and holding that frightened gaze as the temper swells within the tears. The girl was already well on her way to working herself into a corner, let alone a hole being dug. I just hoped the corner didn't turn out to be a cliff-face instead, Meghan would likely enjoy throwing her off one of those. I'm mixing my metaphors again.

"You're wrong!" Historia humphs, turning on her heel and marching away, hair swinging because frankly she hasn't the hips to do it instead. I pinch the bridge of my nose and groan into a wide yawn.

"You all right?" I hear the Captain murmur and I nod, his hand touching my knee under the table as I take a deep breath and calm myself down. "I can take you to your quarters whenever you need to. This is meant to be for your benefit, not theirs."

"Yeah... thanks, Captain." I nod and scrape my hair back. "I'm all right though, just... heh... just feeling all human again." I snort and continue eating.

Eren is looking over after his friend, an uncertainty in his honest eyes when he turns back to the table and stares at his food. My heart aches. How many people did he have to lose? I wish I was more equipped to help when he looks my way. I know a lot about life and death, but people have never been my forté. I can guess how the Blonde is feeling because I have been under Meghan's boot as well, but that pretty much the extent to my emotional insight. But those green eyes look with pleading. Seemed like I was becoming everyone's agony Aunt. Bad idea people, very bad idea.

"I just don't get it, it's like a switch has flipped inside her... like I don't know her any more." Eren says, shaking his head and looking round the table, it seeming to be a common feeling as nods echo through the small group. I pop my lips again.

"When people are suddenly told they're important, that's usually when their bastard comes out to play." I shrug, wishing I could supply some kind of solace, some little ray of sunshine, but those kinds of words had never tasted right on my tongue.

"You didn't..." He says with a frown.

"Say what?" I snort. How could I ever be considered as _not_ a bastard?

He puts his spoon down and looks at me weirdly. Was he crying? Nah... I dunno what he's doing but it's just made my heart pick up and my palms sweat.

"They said you're royal right...?" He asks and I feel really fucking inadequate for the affectionate look that builds in his eyes. I almost wish I had taken Levi up on that offer of a quick escape.

"Yeah... kinda..." I purse my lips.

"But you're still you."

"Eren... keep in mind my bastard has always been on show, you're just used to it. Not to mention the fact that I am an incredibly watered down royal, like... I'm basically the grimy puddle at the bottom of the palace steps." I smile, and thankfully so does he.

"You're not a bastard you're just..."

"Colourfully languaged." Snorts Jean suddenly and we all look at him. He smirks and shrugs. The table seems to all take a much needed breath before laughing.

A slice of normality sinks in after that. The bald kid discusses the new training ideas, and Jean seems keen on practising dismounting from his horse whilst in motion. I guess he must already be good at that considering he looks like he would be very in tune with the beasts. General chatter breaks out and I notice Levi looks a little less strained.

Perhaps even he needed a bit of normal human contact now and then?

Well... as long as they were clean.

Then again I already knew that, mind flashing back to his state in my room not so long ago. He was as broken as anyone else, and yet he wasn't allowed to be. He was Levi Ackerman, the infallible Captain, the blade, the pillar of strength. Faltering wasn't permitted. If he did then fuck knows what would happen to everyone else. All that considered probably made enduring this kind of nonsense twice as hard for the poor bugger, I play with the stew some more, I could only hope I had helped him a little. How good was my boob pillow?

And then I have to consider why the heck I suddenly _wanted_ to help.

God dammit my head's as confused as this soupy mess in my bowl.

This kind of pattern takes hold of the regiment for about a week; a general sense of unease lingering, but the world keeps turning. I am always around either Hanji, Eren or Levi, and whilst I am sure it's for my well-being, I am starting to feel babysat. Or just watched in case I freak out again.

I sit on the edge of my bed running my hand through the whitened streak, yet again feeling my hair drag against the back of my neck and longing for a pair of scissors. I wait for Hanji as usual, knowing I had to be here waiting for the shot of whatever the fuck she was filling me with. I think it's just to boost my immune system, but I hate feeling like a pin cushion day after day. I'd rather feel human.

"Here we go, right on time." Hanji coos, bouncing into my room. I bare my arm for her, gritting my teeth at the small snip of pain and then sighing as she wipes the spot clean. "You seem overly irritated today."

"I'm always irritated."

"Probably because I'm irritating right?" She snorts before tapping the middle of my forehead, making my frown deepen. "What's going on in that head? Meghan didn't get in here or anything did she?"

"Nah I'm fine, just... when am I going to lose the entourage?" I ask and watch her eyes look hurt. I can't help it! I literally ran into the wilderness for a decade to escape people, stalkers were hardly my go-to form of entertainment. "I just feel like I'm under study right now, Hanji. My health is way better and in general I feel fine, and I haven't been sick in three days! Surely I can be allowed a little more leash?"

"And what if Meghan comes up behind you and strangles you with it?" Sighs Hanji, sitting beside me and playing with the empty syringe. "We're just trying to figure out the best way to get rid of her. Erwin has already slipped back into his fever twice and ended up comatose for that day remember? Everything's so delicate right now."

"Sorry... I sound like a brat..." I bite my lip, not having considered all the shit that had been piled onto Hanji's shoulders recently. Her and Levi were of course having to pick up the slack. Being the kind woman she was, she shakes her head, but I know she's weary of all this. "Can I help in any way then? Like... babysit the Golden Boy or something?"

"You can get back to full strength, that would be great. I sent another message to the brass, demanding some kind of response... they keep ignoring Erwin's messages and frankly it's wearing him down more than anything else. And Levi's convinced this Kenny character is gonna turn up soon... possibly even for you. He was your contact right?" She yawns and tugs her hair tighter.

"Yeah... he was. But then again he was a middle-man for Meghan as far as I know so... I don't think the old git will appear any time soon." I reply and she nods, about to stand up when I put a hand on her arm to keep her still. She feels thinner.

"Just sit with me for a while m'kay? We need Hanji Zoe running along nicely, not stalling and stumbling down like the rest of us. Take a breath, you're doing great."

"You're complimenting me now? Yeesh this is a weird day." She snorts and I just squeeze her arm, earning a tired smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"And by the way I'm fairly certain I _am_ back to normal now. You just don't wanna see it so that you have an excuse to prick me with more needles. Ya pervert." I laugh and she joins in, shoulders juddering as she tries to stifle the giggles burbling in her throat. "There she is, Bubbles herself."

"Bubbles? Well it's not the worst nickname you've called people, so I'll take it. Maybe you're right... need to stay human." She polishes her glasses and I click my tongue.

"Yeah, so they say."

"How about we meet in the mess hall later?" She suggests and I blink at her.

"Uh yeah... romantic meal or what?"

"No, no, no! I'll bring some of my homebrew and we can just... be human?" She says with a twinkle of pleading in her eyes now, and whilst I'm not sure she's allowed to drink due to all the shit she is having to deal with, I cannot deny her. She's too cute sometimes. I grin, gripping onto that lifeline selfishly and holding tight.

"You got it, just remember to breathe in between now and then all right? I'll see you after dinner. Now carry on being oddly composed." I say with a nod and she gets up, cracks her back and gives another yawn. "A coffee is probably a good idea too. But don't worry I'll stay here till Eren has picked me up, I won't wander off on my own Mother dearest. We know how easily I get lost right?" I grumble as I lie back and attempt some more patience.

"Take a nap, you're a grumpy-ass kid." She coos as she leaves again and I just lie there dozing until finally Eren arrives and I can go do some light training with him.

It had taken some persuading, but eventually Levi couldn't get round the fact I needed to stay in some semblance of shape. Otherwise this whole recovery would be a bit pointless – yay I'm recovered and yet can't even run 100 yards without panting myself into a sweaty swoon. Of course Eren takes it easy on me, and I promptly remind him that that didn't meant I had to return the favour. I have never seen someone that tall hit the ground that fast. Back and forth we go, other cadets going about their day, and frankly I am amazed at how normal things are starting to feel. The afternoon slips by as we spar and laugh about normal things.

Like we were nothing but normal soldiers.

Normalness is normal.

Weird how pleasant that feels.

After dinner has finished and cleaned up, I head back into the mess-hall to wait for Hanji. But when I enter the now dimly lit room I just see a bottle left on a table with a note beside it. Doesn't look good. I head over, steps echoing as I do, and the seat scrapes loudly when I sit down. This place was kinda creepy when empty.

 _Lexi, I'll be there as soon as I can, just have a few more Commandery things to deal with. Start without me if you want, I'll be there soon! Behave._

As if I would do anything else.

I'm a model soldier now.

I pour myself a glass and sigh at the warm taste, it sliding down my throat and soothing me from deep in my belly. I had been oh-so well-behaved of late I knew this damned bottle was not going to be alive by the end of the night. Nope. I was gonna drink it dry and listen to it's glass carcass echo as it hits the bottom of a bin. I swirl the amber liquid and take another long sip, head fizzing as I focus on the sensation. It wasn't exactly numbing, but it certainly allowed for padding from the rest of the world. Just what was needed.

"Not a bad brew Hanji..." I murmur to myself, refilling the glass and savouring it.

It's probably another twenty minutes before Hanji turns up, all flustered and apologetic, but soon enough clinking her glass to mine and toasting to a more peaceful week to come. Apparently Golden Boy was doing well, having managed to eat finally. He had accomplished staying awake the whole day as well, so naturally he had konked out by now. But it was progress all the same, Hanji seeming a lot happier with the situation as a smile plays along her chapped lips.

"I think he's gonna make it." She says, leaning on her hand lazily. Those big brown orbs look tired behind her thick glasses, even more so when she removes them and rubs her eyes till she has a pink around the edges. "You know I was really frightened he was on his way out... that we would end up with that foul woman as a Commander."

"I think we all thought that at some point." I admit with a nod. Hanji shivers.

"I don't think I've been that scared in years."

"Says the woman whose day job is fighting Titans." I snicker into my glass as I drain my fourth, officially fuzzy now as I lean against the table. A laugh leaves her and she finishes hers as well, the bottle plinking against each tumbler in turn as she shakes her head.

"Nah... that's an entirely different kind of fear now... more of an adrenaline rush really. I don't even have nightmares about them any more."

"No? Thought that was just me..." I hum and she stares at the liqour.

"It's just shifted focus really... I have the nightmares about all the soldiers we lose instead..." She sighs, sounding old as she scrapes her hair back and blinks slowly. "I can remember all their names you know... all their names, like you remember faces."

"Whoa Hanji come on, this was meant to be us feeling human, not like broken soldiers." I point out, taking her hand and patting it. A smirk warps her smile and she nods.

"Yeah... let's not start trying to outdo each other's horror stories, you'd kick my ass anyhow."

"Damn right I would." I say with a wink and she nods slowly.

"You've seen way too much fucked up shit... and a lot of it first hand." She burps and then lays her head against the table-top. "What is feeling human like again?"

"Out of control, a little helpless, slightly anxious at all times and very, very small. Oh and stupid. Very, very, very, very stupid." I say, patting her hair. A giggle bubbles back at me.

"I'm about as human as it gets right now then." She cackles, looking up at me, her chin against the table-top as she blows a raspberry. I frown and tap the end of her nose.

"What're you on about now Goggles?"

"I hold you dearly as a friend... and you're gonna leave like everyone else, pretty stupid of me right? You'll just be another name to remember." She mutters, not intending to have stabbed me through the heart I don't think, a goofy smile on her lips as she raises her head enough to drain her glass again before nuzzling into the woodwork.

Shit.

My hand hovers over her hair as I wonder what the heck I'm meant to say to that.

I can't promise I won't die, because I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.

But I also can't promise I won't run away, for the very same reason.

"You don't need to placate me remember, Alex... I'm just... venting out the stupid."

"No Hanji you're... you're just being honest." I breathe, stroking her hair and staring down at the rippling liqour waiting to swim past my lips and coat my nerves. "I ain't planning on checking out for a while yet okay? I can say that much at least."

"Thanks... that's nice of you..." she hums sleepily, and soon enough I hear a snore reverberate against the table. I smile and pat her head again, making more inroads into that bottle as it stands challenging me with it's remaining 50% contents.

By the time I hear more voices I'm only 25% off finishing the smug bastard, but of course with this Titaneous wonder of a temple body, a lot of it is burned off thanks to my higher temperature. Therefore I'm likely only as drunk as I was at 50%. Fucking biology. I blink and turn towards the shadows that twitter like frantic birds, my eyes squinting as I hear them get closer and watch the shadows wiggle into three figures.

Oh crappers.

I don't have anywhere near enough patience or mental faculty right now.

It's two sets of footsteps and a small train I think. No wait. It's a wheelchair. Ah, it's Stumples come for a midnight chat again? How fun. I bet he gives good hugs... oh no wait, I bet he used to, might be a little one sided now.

I giggle.

I'm such a dick.

The blonde doll is scuttling over here, with weary looking Commander and Captain in tow. I wonder why Golden Boy is even still awake, but then I consider that the newly appointed Princess of the World had decided he could sleep on his own time. Power makes heartless crap-hounds of us all apparently.

"Evenin'." I say with a nod, watching those bright blue eyes go wide as if I just called her a whore. I'm sure I didn't, but then again they did sound _incredibly_ similar. 'Evening' and 'Heya whore'. Practically the same.

"I told you she'd be here, conspiring away!"

"No, you heard that Squad Leader Zoe was meeting her here for a drink from your comrades." Points out Levi as he pushes Golden Boy along in his chair, the wheels squeaking every now and then. It isn't even reprimanding, he just sounds painfully bored. I blink again and look between the Captain and Commander, and neither man looks all that copus mentus right now. What was going on? What time was it even? I look at the blonde a little harder and notice the way her lips keep quivering, it being all too easy to imagine smoke rising from her blushing ears.

"Hardly! Don't you see what's happening?!" that shrill tone makes me automatically assume I don't care what the girl is about to say. I finish my current glass in a long gulp. Fuck that burn is delicious. "She has been fooling you all along in order to usurp me! It's just like Meghan said. Being of royal blood means she could have the throne."

It squeaks away, getting irritatingly closer. Why do I get the feeling 'she' is aimed at little old me? Then again I could simply be being egotistical. My Erwin is showing! I nearly blush as I turn back to the table, deciding avoiding eye contact might be best. I might burst into flames, or she might turn to stone. Or indeed someone might turn into a sheep. You never knew really.

This world was weird.

"Senefold has never even entertained the notion of her possible royal connections Christa. Really, just listen—"

"No! I'm sorry Commander but I have to hear it from _her._ Also my name is Historia, sir, we've been over this." She notes, and I can hear the pout loud and clear.

I swirl my refreshed drink and continue to look ahead over the mass of snoring Hanji. I am refusing to register the blonde foghorn right now, I don't have the patience to keep in mind she was being messed around with by Meghan. Right now she's just an annoying brat buzzing in my ear, waiting to be squished. I sigh as I feel that gaze burning a hole in my head, why was everyone glaring at my head all the time? Glare at my boobs or something, some variety would be stellar. I turn slowly, look her up and down with careful scrutiny and then nod, followed by a very loud burp.

"Ah if it isn't History Crystal!"

"My name is _Historia Reiss._ "

"Well whatever, just stop yelling." I sigh and turn away again, the Princess getting her frilly knickers in a twist. I think she just squeaked like a mouse, or possibly farted out of sheer frustration.

"I don't believe that you are really uninterested in the throne." She announces, and unfortunately the trumpets missed their cue on sounding her out with an epic accompaniment. Slackers.

"Couldn't give fewer fucks if I tried Blondie."

"That makes no sense! Why else linger here if not to take the throne from me?" She demands, and I think she almost considered poking me. Thankfully the girl thought better of it, and I don't have the snap her finger off to shove it up her nose, but her piercing tone isn't much kinder on my nerves. "Explain!"

I groan, promptly emptying my glass down my gullet again before setting it down with a thump. I then sit back and start looking in earnest, albeit slightly waveringly. I check everywhere, I really do; under my glass, under my seat, on the other side of the table, under Hanji's head that murmurs something about beans, my cleavage and under my arse. But to no avail. Alas I cannot find anything.

"Sorry. Can't find a solitary fuck to give, all gone and used up. Dried up in the sun like Meghan's importance. Sorry missy." I shrug and the girl bristles. "Have your crown, your arse-numbing chair and your short-lived power-trip if you must. I know this is all her whispering in your ear but... it'll pass. And yeah... I want nought, nothing, zilch, nada, to do with it." I stare at her, and watch those kinda creepy blue eyes narrow.

Oh gods what now?

Take the hint and run.

Please?

"And just what do you mean by 'short-lived'?" She demands, and I look to the two men behind her in disbelief. Well, one and ¾ men shall we say. But neither the Commander, nor Captain offer anything but blank looks in return, I think they are as bamboozled by this verbal demand session as I am. I blink and look back to the petulant little creature.

" _That's_ what you took from that?"

"It is, now explain yourself." She pouts harder and I look to the heavens.

"Short-lived… um... opposite of long-lived, not gonna last, enjoy it whilst you can, times-a-ticking, holy shit that hourglass is running out, who stole ma god damned counting sheep?! Shit we didn't have long, who stole my watch again you thieving bastards. Any of those help you? Or should I speak slower, in a different language maybe? Oh! Perhaps a diagram?"

"How dare you..." she snarls and I shrug.

"Sorry but I _do_ draw the line at interpretive dance. Don't have the hips for it." I reply, and in all honesty the shade of pink her complexion manages is impressive. She literally ends up looking like a slapped butt-cheek, all pink and blotchy, wobbling too.

"So you _do_ want it, you'll just lay in wait?" She pants now, absolutely hysterical. I click my tongue.

"Eh?"

"Then what? Once you have waited in your little hideaway you'll come back again, climb over the walls, slink into my palace and attack? Use all your false ways to get in there right? Meghan told me all about your parents, about how they worked the system. You're th-the same right? You'll come in one night, slit my throat and cast me down to—"

My normalness is slipping away and I slam my hand on the table.

Fuck this.

Fuck today.

Fuck your Blondie throne humping twitface!

I am up in a flash, chair skittering back and smacking off the ground. I hold her skinny twig of an arm behind her back and her pretty face against the sticky tabletop. Beautifully stunned silence rings throughout the room, echoing softly with the fallen chair's complaints. I put my lips by her ear and give a low growl as I feel her tremble under my hold.

"It may have _somehow_ escape your attention, but patience is not one of my strong suits. You are going to remain quiet whilst I spell a few things out for you Blondie. Understood?" I say, tugging on her arm when she doesn't respond.

A small squeak occurs and a nod of her head.

"Good. Now then, if I wanted that fucking gilded toilet I'd just take it. I'd smack your precious face off this table so hard you looked like you'd been fired straight into a frying pan at birth. I'd break this twig of an arm so you couldn't even hope to lift a crystal glass of fancy wine to those pouting pink lips. Then? Then Sweetcheeks, I'd let your sorry carcass topple to the floor, ripping your god damned spine out as you fell. Just to be sure you still had one after letting Meghan play you like a god damned fiddle." I pull her arm tighter as she struggles feebly.

Heat flashes along my spine, but instead of it being frightening I feel emboldened, grinning now.

"I don't want anything from the royal shit in my veins, and why do I say 'short-lived'? Because open those baby blues _your highness_ , look beyond what that fucking bitch is whispering in your ears. The walls are finished. This caged society is fucking crumbling, and with any luck our 'family' will crumble away at the same time. Now then… do I need to repeat myself?"

Silence.

Glorious, fear-filled silence.

"Good. Now then, I'm gonna go ahead and let you go. But I promise this _Ch_ _rista._ You breathe one more brain-dead accusation about me? I will go ahead and snap your jaw off and rip your tongue out. Then you'll really know how it feels to be silenced." I then kiss her cheek and let go, grabbing the bottle and turning to grin at the two watching, but very quiet, men.

Erwin looks unsurprised but horrified.

In all honesty Levi looks horny.

Hanji snorts awake.

"You all right there, Senefold?" Asks the Commander, leaning away ever-so-slightly. I grin and let a dark bout of laughter escape me, whole body juddering with it as I bite my lip.

"Oh I'm better than all right Stumples, I feel like myself again. _Finally._ "

"You're meant to feel human... god dammit Lexi-poo do it riiight." Whines Hanji and I just snort, feeling almost giddy as I watch that blonde fool stumble away with some pathetic snivelling echoing behind her. I breathe deep, heart hammering in my chest and eyes wide with excitement. I feel like I just woke from a month long coma or something.

"Feels good to be back, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish this bottle off and sleep well into the next day."

"I'm not sure you should be left alone right now, Senefold." Says Erwin with a look to his Captain behind him, but Levi is just staring at me with an oddly hungry look. I smirk at the Captain before meeting Erwin's eyes again.

"Actually Stumplestiltskin that's exactly what I need right now, not to mention the fact the only person I would _want_ to see at this point in time is probably him, you esteemed Captain, only he wouldn't be Watchdog for that. Oh no, not tonight. Instead? He'd be in between my legs making me scream in all the right ways." I laugh before marching off and hearing a very awkward 'um...' slipping between Golden Boys lips.

Oh yes, I'm fucking back all right.

Time for a god damned reckoning.

...

And possibly a quick vomit.

But hey, at least its a drunken one, not a falling apart one?

* * *

 ***Happy dance* she's baaack.**

 **Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and if you did PLEASE tell me about it. For a couple uploads now it's only a small group actually reviewing, and whilst i LOVE to hear from my regulars, pleeeease leave a review if you have the time. I seriously mean it when I say your reviews matter and all these silent readers are soooo disheartening! What works, what doesn't, where do you wanna see it go, where do you think it might go? I dunno, even if its random questions. I really like to have a dialogue going with you guys but lately this site has gotten soooo quiet. Whyy is that? Did I miss something?**

 **Anyway, please leave a fav, follow and or REVIEW as I really wanna be able to keep this story going. Regardless, thanks again for reading, see you next time!  
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 **Umbreon Gurl: Thank you very much, hope this update is up to par, and thanks for sticking around!**

 **MadnessIsContagious: Thank you so very much, you always take somuch time to write long and helpful reviews. Even if it's only you highlighting the good parts *BLUSH* but it shows me what people like so it still helps! I'm a little wounded *sobs* that you didn't like RBW but hey ho, as long as you're enjoying this one that is the main thing. I am usually told I over-write things, but you seem to enjoy the extra detailing, so I'm not gonna worry too much about editing down ;) I always try and ensure there's important plot details if its a tamer chapter. But I also think the tamer chapters are needed, it can't ALWAYS be life and death, even the Scouts have to have a down day right? Thanks for the review, hope you enjoyed the update, and see you next time!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello! I am planning on making this story, and Red Burning Wings a two week scheduled thing now. Frankly things are getting a bit hectic around here as we approach the festive season. And right now I am also attempting to make a Halloween costume, so for those of you waiting on Red Burning Wings being updated, it might be next week. I shall try though!**

 **This is a shorter chapter than usual, and a bit different as it's all from Levi's POV but I hope you like it. I felt like it needed its own chapter as well, so yeah... hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

 ** _Warning: SCHMEXY TIMES AHEAD, M content. No moaning... well... none of the negative kind anyway._ Pah!**

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

As she saunters away, her words still echoing around the darkened mess-hall, that grin back in place and confidence radiating off her, I can't help but stare. After what had seemed like the beginning of a god-awful night, things were looking up. Finally that blonde pain in my ass had shut up, and fucked off to whimper into her pillow and now? Now there _she_ was, Senefold, my Alexia, back on form. My god she was back, she was finally back. No more looking over our shoulders every five seconds, no more worrying about her falling down again? Didn't seem so, not with the way her laughter rebounds around the vacant stone halls. I turn back to my comrades and see how both Hanji and Erwin are looking at me, I know I can go after her. They want me to. I tried to keep it together, but I'm guessing they saw through me just like Alexia did. Guess my abilities to withhold my emotions were slipping more than I had thought; but I was a mess without knowing where this latest shift would take her. It wasn't even just her own fate I feared for, without her I wasn't sure where this whole regiment would be heading. It felt like we were constantly taking a step forward then five steps back.

But now?

Now there's a fresh fire in her, and it's warming me already.

I leave Erwin to Shitty-Glasses' care, but he doesn't object in the least, and for the first time in a long while I am grateful to the old bastard. I follow where she had gone, her voice still vaguely echoing around in the dim light. But I can't actually see her any more. She was definitely easier to follow when hobbling.

I had head for her room but find no one there, not even that MP bitch hanging around to cause more grief. Although to be honest, if Alexia found Meghan right now I reckon she'd just rip the MP wench in half. I look out the window, wondering if Alexia might have headed out there, where the moon's still bright now that the clouds have finally cleared. I feel a smile pull on my lips - she's gone to see Petra. I head down there, ignoring any prying brats as they look out at me from their rooms when they should be fucking sleeping. I have more important things to be dealing with than their sorry asses. I hasten in my walk, eager to see that fire first-hand, eager to know it down to my bones. Right now I just need to convince myself that I really saw all that in the mess-hall, that I really saw her take charge and put 'Historia' in her place. With any luck that would be the beginning of the blonde's return to her senses, but what I really need to know right now is that this wasn't one of my daydreams, that wasn't going to suddenly jolt awake and nearly fall out my chair.

But no.

This was no dream.

Sure enough there she is, sitting by that small marked grave and chatting away to our lost comrade. I wonder if she would always do this, if Alexia would always want Petra informed on things. I wasn't sure how Alexia had become so attached in such short a space of time, but then again I couldn't be sure of much when it came to her. An enigma. I hoped she always stayed like that. I slow in my approach, listening to the small snippets of laughter. If this woman ever did leave me, if she ever did take the chance to live alone in the wilds again, I would have to try and keep the habit up for her. It's not something I'm accustomed to, I preferred to leave the dead where they were, to leave them to rest. Yet I'm sure Alexia would appreciate it, even if every fibre of my being hates the idea of her not being here. That being the other edge to this sword; I was glad to see her recovered, but now frightened for her taking that chance to flee once and for all. If she did choose to go, I knew we'd never find her again, not unless she wanted to be found. Dammit that hurts to think about. There was no point in denying it any more, I needed this woman; I needed her passion, her fire, her... well, her love if I could ever actually claim it. Even now my foot aches with the memory of how I had treated her in the beginning, when we had thought she was our enemy.

Did she still resent it?

Whenever I brought up apology she always got so odd about it, dismissive and eager to change the subject. It was understandable that she didn't want to relive it, I had been a brutal bastard about it. I had been ordered to. But of course all that was in the past right? Ugh my head hurts even considering that was where we had started all this together, I know I need to know for sure though. I can't keep second guessing like this. I can't live with the regret of not knowing. I won't question her tonight though, this was her night. For now I would just have to try and decipher if it was genuine disinterest, or if the idea of someone apologising was so foreign to her she literally didn't know what to do with it.

My feet crunch against the grass within the graveyard, a slight frost clinging there. The nights were getting longer, and soon the snows would stop us from going on missions entirely. What would she be like when we were contained to the HQ? When storms raged and fires burned in the hearths. I imagine she'd be fidgety as fuck.

I don't listen to the conversation, frankly I don't have the right to. But the way she tilts her head and smiles, even laughs, I have to consider the idea that no, Alexia was still not 'all there'. Her head was probably as all over the place as my own. But then again did I even give a shit? Not really – she could be mad as Hanji and I wouldn't mind. As long as she's herself. Her hand occasionally grazes that name, Petra Ral, and wipes away any dirt and grime. If she was the type, I'm sure Alexia would be leaving flowers there every day. Eventually she hears me and glances my way, a small smirk appearing before she looks back to that name and nods in my direction. My ears burn.

"Social call or here as a chaperone?" She asks a few moments later without looking my way, I lean against a nearby tree, still giving her space, but not willing to be any further away than this.

"Social, I'd like to think. How's she doing?"

"Still dead, but seems happy to know I'm not as much of a busted up pile of broken shit any more." She laughs and I swallow hard as that noise makes my chest feel tight. Dammit woman you better still know what you've done to me. You better. "Oh and side-note for you, Captain, no puking." She says it triumphantly and I can't help the eye-roll.

"Congrats." I shake my head at her and she just grins, turning back to the grave, patting it gently and then standing up to brush herself off. There's no wobble to her stance now, no wavering on the spot. That frailty seemed to have melted away with the liqour and I'm so god damned glad. It wasn't that I minded looking after her, it was more that she wasn't meant to be that way, Alexia was meant to be strong. She didn't suit broken wings. "You certainly look back to normal, and you sound like your normal pain-in-the-ass self."

"Aw you noticed? Someone's gonna think you fancy me." She says as she heads back over to me, a playful glint in her eye. The shadow of the tree covers half her face and she rocks back on her heels. "Careful Captain, your human is showing."

"So's yours, Senefold." I snort and she bites her lip.

"About time right?"

I smirk and watch how the moonlight catches that long white streak in her hair. I don't even realise I'm doing it until I feel that softness under my fingertips, gently stroking the trauma bleached hair as I stare dumbly. What a fool. But she doesn't look angry, she doesn't even look like she's gonna crack-wise. Instead there's a weird intensity to her dark eyes, in this light they seem bottomless, watching me intently. She smiles. I think she likes it.

"Your own tally mark... Bastards zero, Senefold one." I stroke it again and let my hand fall away, her smile breaks into a broad grin and she nods, those eyes shining as she edges closer. The brisk night air suddenly seems tense and I wonder if she can tell I just shuddered.

"One way to look at it yeah..."

"Either that or a silver-lining?" I say, watching her quirk an eyebrow.

"You okay with me looking like a partially old woman? All white-haired and rickety?"

"Just another sign that the bastards can't keep you down, I'm starting to wonder if anything will. But right now... I don't really want to tempt fate."

"No?" She tilts her head again and bites that lower lip, it turning rose red beneath her teeth and I feel her warm breath on my skin. She smells like the spices Hanji uses in that home-brew, like cinnamon. But then again right now I don't think I'd even care if she smelt like the fucking stables.

I shake my head and tug her closer, running my hand along that pale streak again and then her jawline. How was it someone so strong, so robust and infallible, could feel this delicate under my touch? She didn't make sense. But then again she never had. Hidden beneath the shadow of the tree I carefully run my thumb along her bottom lip, making her teeth let go and watching that red pale back to a cherry pink. Beautiful. I don't know who leaned in, I don't even care. As I feel her lips against mine again I know the world was being put to rights, my hands immediately tangle in her hair and her hands rest against my chest, clutching at my shirt.

She was here, she was back.

She was mine?

I can't explain how thankful I am to feel her responding to me, I don't understand things that go the way I want them to. A sigh escapes her and I taste the hard liqour on her tongue as she boldly deepens the kiss and I gladly follow that lead. Her strength is definitely returned and I allow myself to be pressed against the tree, glad to know she was no longer the least bit timid around me. Those days seemed so long ago. Our bodies are flush against each other, hands clamouring, breath soon panting. Christ I feel like a lovesick teenager or something, sneaking kisses in the shadows, but I can't stop, its like she's as addictive as that numbing booze I taste in her mouth. I just want more and more.

"You're really back..." I breathe as our lips part, foreheads resting against each other as she chuckles and licks her intoxicating lips. She nods. "Fuck I missed you." I pull her into another kiss and she makes this soft noise, one I would have never expected from a woman like her. Another escapes her and I know what she wants, her hands shaking ever-so-slightly with demand as they travel down my sides and I chuckle when hearing a clack of my belt.

"Yeah I'm back... now how about hammering the point home?" She breathes huskily, kissing at my neck and her hand about to slide down my trousers. Fuck she's even commanding now? So much for her being delicate. I swallow hard and grab her wrist, seeing her confusion as I shake my head. "What? Suddenly wearing a chastity belt under there or something?"

"Call me old-fashioned but I don't want to fuck you in a graveyard."

"And here was me thinking we could give Petra a show." She sighs with a roll of her eyes, doing my belt back up and clasping my hand tightly. Even that makes my moronic heart stutter and I have to wonder if all this isn't a god-damned mistake. This woman was becoming too damned important. And I'd only just considered what I would do if she did try to finally make her escape. But right now I can't think logically, right now I'm letting my chest rule over my head for once. Not to mention the look in her eyes isn't one of a woman wanting to run, it's more possessive than that. I grasp her hand back and we head inside, thankfully the brats had taken the hint from my scolding looks and no one is around to pry on us. Not that I'd care anyway. That Meghan Bitch could stroll into view and see us and I wouldn't give a damn, in fact I might just gloat.

As soon as we make it to my office, the door clacks shut, the lock is slid into place and I push her up against the wall. I hear another soft mewl escape her, I know she'll hate that she's making these noises but my god are they amazing; how was it that she could make me achingly hard and yet feel like I might just melt against her? A paradox, that was Alexia Senefold. But whatever she was; broken, fixed, shifter, soldier, outlaw, royal, hero, villain, woman, prisoner, victim, fighter. Right now she was mine, every inch of her skin that I reveal as her clothing falls away is worshipped by my lips, I can't stop myself. The hard panting that escapes her, the clumsiness of her hands undoing my shirt till she can't reach them any more, it drives me mad. I've never known her so flustered, and of course it doesn't take long for her to want control back. Not that I mind.

She pushes me back, making me stumble to the floor, staring up at her as she clambers on top of me. The hungry kisses resume and her hands get rid of my uniform at last, it having felt suffocating as I longed to feel her against me again. That night in the woods, in her home, with only the fucking squirrels to hear us, we had fallen together in such a rage. It had been like a battle. But this? For all it's intensity and impatience, this was different. Her movements are strong, demanding, but not violent, she wanted me like I wanted her.

Dammit I start to feel hopeful.

It's been too long, and finally it seemed like our idiocy had come to an end.

But I don't want to say it yet, my cowardice is right there holding my tongue silent to words as I moan incoherently into her mouth. I want to bind her to me with those three words. I have no idea if she'll return it, or if she'd even just laugh at it. Maybe she was just horny, I couldn't rule it out, she was still tipsy and just recovered from a near-death experience. That combination was likely to make a person jump _someone's_ bones for sure. But even if it is just that, I could at least enjoy now. I could pretend for a little while.

"Fuck me..." She growls when finally we're both bare and I nod, unable to speak as I feel like I'm going to choke on impatience.

I sit up and move us to the bed, figuring if we had made it this far we might as well pretend to be civilised people and at least do this in the comfort of clean sheets. I lay her down and kiss her slower now, my hand travelling along her body and feeling every fucking perfect curve and dip, those lines along her skin where the past was etched into place, and then finally I caress her wet heat and she groans against my tongue.

Fuck I want her.

I move between her legs, her warm thighs resting against my waist, and I work her till I'm sure she's about to stab me for messing around. Her eyes are blazing with demand until they roll back and flutter closed, she grips my shoulders and groans into another growl. I hiss between my teeth, my heart thundering in my ears as the sensation of being pressed against her, filling her and feeling her contract around me is enough to make me lose it then and there. But I want this to last, god dammit I've been having enough dreams about this to savour it now. I lean down and suck on her neck, tasting her salty skin as I start to move my hips. My hands tighten their grip; one clasping at her hip whilst the other holds me up slightly, bunching the sheets between my fingers. I can only move slow right now and as I feel her laugh breathlessly between moans I think she knows why.

"G-Good to know... nngh... I'm not the only one wh-who's had antici-ipation..." she pants, biting her lip as she tries to withhold another long moan as I grind against her. For all her strength, her sassing and her bad-mouthing, right now she was melting under me and I can't deny it was fucking amazing. Maybe it was egotistical, heck maybe it was a misogynistic bastard of a thing to think, but I can't help but be amazed that I can reduce _this_ woman to this moaning, blushing, writhing hot-mess. I'm honoured.

"You're impossible..." I growl, biting on her shoulder and making her wrap her arms round me, dragging her nails down my back as I speed up, coaxed into a frenzy as she moves those damned hips against me. Not even my resolve can hold out against this, I need it, I need her, I can't help myself.

"Nngh... Levi... Lev-i..." She groans, head going to and fro like she's trying to hold onto her oh-so-important control. But right now that's the last thing I want from her. I want her to let go, to lose it, to melt. It was what she deserved. I slow again and touch her face, waiting for those dark eyes to focus on me, finding myself a little lost as I see her blushing face and parted lips. Dammit I'm gonna lose my mind.

"Stop trying to win, just give into it _Alexia_." I whisper in her ear, hearing her whine as those nails dig into my back, triggering painful pleasure and making me slam into her. Something snaps in me and control slips out of my grasp like rain-slicked leather. I sit up, grasping her hips with bruising force and pounding into her, my breathing in grunting pants and skin covered in a sheen of sweat. Her arms fall away from my back when I move and she pushes back against the headboard, increasing the friction between us until I swear every damn thrust makes sparks run up my spine.

"Yes... _yes_... Levi... nngh... I can't... I can't..."

"Don't... just let go Alexia... nngh." I become frantic, leaning back over her and kissing her desperately as my hips stutter, hands moving to cup her face and heart deafening me. Stay with me, don't leave me, please don't fucking leave me like everyone else. I feel her moan against my tongue and convulse beneath me, dragging me over that edge with her and we both reach our ends.

Bliss.

Fucking bliss.

For a moment I just kiss her, savouring it as I slowly grind out the sensation making my head spin. I can't lose this, not just for this beast-like need, but for this god-awful ache in my chest. Emotion had been something I feared for so long, but now I can't seem to get enough. The woman from beyond the walls. Dammit you went ahead and broke mine didn't you? A sigh escapes me as I feel her slide her fingers into my hair as we kiss, the other hand stroking at my throat. Delicate again, tender in her movements, perhaps... perhaps even...

Dammit I have to say it don't I?

For real this time.

Eventually it's just our heavy breathing to be heard and I swallow hard before rolling to the side and tugging the blanket over us to avoid her getting cold. I lay there for a second, staring up at the ceiling and blinking as I come back to my senses. I don't know if I just gave myself the first real stride towards happiness, or if I just put another nail in the coffin of my own delusions. Either way I was likely screwed.

"Fucking... hell..." She gasps, laughing a moment later. I turn my head and watch that smile shine out; her whole body juddering with the laughter, and she puts a hand over her mouth, the other over her heart. I roll to hold myself up on an elbow and hold a hand over her chest as well. Good to know I wasn't the only one in cardiac arrest right now. "Not a bad... welcome party..."

"You all right? I didn't break you did I?" I smirk at her, tracing patterns along her skin. Her laughter returns and she shakes her head, scraping her hair back and sighing as the thundering heart slows down between us. The inferno simmers to embers and I edge closer to her warmth. "I wouldn't suggest sleeping like this..." I lean in and kiss her cheek, "you're all sticky."

"And who's fault is that?" She snorts back, turning her head and capturing my lips again instead. I smile against her; this felt so odd and yet so right. "I'm guessing Humanity's Strongest gets his own bathroom?"

"Like I'd share with the filthy brats." I say, rolling out the bed and stretching. The bed creaks behind me and I jolt as I feel her arms go round my waist, her head rests between my shoulders and I feel her lips against my skin. Was this normal? Was this what normal people did?

"Thank you." She breathes, nuzzling after those words. I frown and look over my shoulder as best I can, wondering where this had come from all of a sudden.

"Um... you're welcome? This wasn't a pity-fuck, Alexia."

"Oh I know that, you're not pitying me when I look this fucking good." She laughs, biting my shoulder blade before kissing afterwards. "I just meant thanks for not being all paranoid and gentle with me."

"Heh.. if I'd hurt you I'd have felt like such a bastard though."

"Playing the usual part then?" She hums and I just roll my eyes, pulling her hand so she would release my waist, and then leading her through to the bathroom. It was simple enough, but at least it meant we didn't have to shuffle along the corridors like two misbehaving kids. Would be beyond awkward if we bumped into Erwin then, poor bastard has likely been pent up since training days.

I get the water going and eventually it heats up, considering the time of night there's plenty hot water and I feel like lingering as I light a lantern and then step inside. Her hair's all soapy by now and I just smile and watch her for a couple seconds, glad to know I hadn't lost her. She pauses and glances my way, bubbles running down her flushed cheeks.

"You gonna wash or just stand there perving?"

"Fuck off, I'm allowed to perv right now." I say, kissing a non-soap covered patch of her shoulder. A sigh leaves her, but it's a content one. I start to lather up and soon a calm silence falls over us, I can feel her glancing my way occasionally, and I'll admit I look her way now and then as well. I really am like a lovesick brat.

I need to say it.

"So _Captain_ what do you think we should do about Hip Swinger?"

"I dunno, right now I don't really want to think about her." I shake my head and rinse off, glad to feel clean again but even more glad to feel her hands wrap round my neck. I blink the water out of my eyes and look down at her just before she kisses me again. One part of me is enjoying this affectionate side, another part, a more practised one, is wondering what bad news she's about to tell me.

"You're still a dick, you know that right?" She says finally, hands currently playing with my hair. It tickles. I frown and put my head against hers, once again reminded that I could never anticipate what the hell she was gonna do. My smile reappears though, it felt weird to be doing it so openly in front of her, but considering we were both in the shower I could allow a little openness.

"I think you'll keep reminding me so I doubt it'll ever slip my mind. You're still a pain-in-the-ass. But can I ask why you needed to bring that up right now? Most would consider this quite a nice moment you know..."

"And most ain't here." She laughs, her nose brushing mine, teasing as her lips linger but never touch. Something lights in her eyes and I feel like I have to hold my breath. My hands move to rest on her hips and she narrows those eyes for a moment. "I just needed you to be reminded that I'm not about to become some fawning idiot who worships the ground you ninja over."

" _Become_ a fawning idiot? Thought you were alread- ow!" I hiss as she bites the end of my nose. I sniff and glare at her. "Yeah, yeah I know woman. What's this all about anyway? Other than biting my facial features off. I know you're a Titan but fuck..."

"I'm warming up to it... gimme a second would you?"

"All right..." I say, feeling my heart pick up again like that lovesick brat I seemed to be turning into. What next? Was I gonna start doodling her picture in a fucking notebook? She takes a deep breath in, pulls me closer, kisses me chastely and licks her lips.

"I... I... I don't hate you." She says, looking a little confused before groaning and thumping her head against my chest. I blink and snort into a bound of laughter. She hits her head off my chest harder and I bite back the noise, heart quickening still. She might think I'm panicking or something. "I know what you think I should know, y'know?"

Heh... that was what we said in the woods right?

Her hands still play with my hair.

"Alexia." I say with a small chuckle, she looks up and for the first time she really looks vulnerable. Fuck that doesn't look right. It's beautiful, but by god its strange. I grin and watch her brows raise in question. I feel like my heads going to explode if I don't say it first, so I bite back the cowardice and make myself do it. If I don't I know I'll regret it. "I love you."

"You fucking sap." She snorts and I knock my head against hers, making her sigh and blush in an unfitting manner. "I um... yeah... I love you too." She ends up whispering it at the end and looking away as though the soap holder is suddenly fascinating. I roll my eyes and tap her cheek so I can kiss her again, her soon breaking it so she can ramble. "But just keep in mind this doesn't mean you can jus-" I just shut her up by pushing her against the cold tiling and flicking her forehead.

"There, moment over, happy now, woman?"

"Very." She says with a bite to her lip and I just shake my head at her ridiculousness.

"Good..." I don't suppose this was how normal confessions went, but then again things never went to plan between us. We share a stupidly happy look before I clear my throat. "Well... I'm gonna go change that bed and then we're going to sleep, that sound all right by you? Or should I throw in a couple threats to keep things off-kilter?" I say as I dry myself off roughly. She leans against the wall and watches me. "You still in there Senefold?"

"Yeah... sounds good, Levi." She says before she turns away and continues to rinse herself off. I nod and head to do as I said, wondering when this stupid grin would move the fuck off my face. Except it doesn't seem likely to be soon when we're lying there in the dark, lanterns out and silence ruling. I drift off to sleep with her hair tickling my collarbone and for probably the first time since I joined this madhouse, I don't want to wake up as soon as possible.

For the first time in far too long, I don't feel any regrets.

* * *

 **Oh they're both so sappy! But yeah, finally she's back and finally they're getting on with things. *waggles eyebrows* Tune in next time for the Meghan smack-down! But anyway hope you enjoyed and see you in a couple weeks! Thanks for reading, please leave a fav, follow and or review!**

 **SHOUTOUTS: I wanted to quickly take this opportunity to make an initial shoutout (it shall continue after the others) to Grimm Kitsune who over the past couple weeks has been systematically going through this piece, and my other one RBW, and reviewing almost every chapter. This is the dream reader I swear. Thank you to everyone that reviews of course, but this has been SUCH a boost for me as a writer after such a quiet period on this site. So thank you, sincerely thank you!**

 **UmbreonGurl: Thanks for the review, I had assumed it was to do with school, but I can't help but find it frutsrating when I see the reading stats but not reviews on updates. Can't help but start to look over the content and wonder if I'm letting my readers down. But still, thanks for the taking the time nevertheless and I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Hope you enjoyed the update!**

 **Namehere V2: Thanks for taking the time to review, I do love to hear from readers. Nah, Alexia still has some life in her yet, not to say she won't eventually die, you'll just have to keep reading to find out! I'm glad you're enjoying everything so far, and I'm REALLY glad to know you're not skimming! I always worry my descriptions are too in-depth, so thanks for pointing that out. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this update!**

 **Madnessiscontagious: I will endeavour not to edit down, but sorry for the smaller update this time around, busy busy busy unfortunately. I'm glad you like the detailing though, sometimes I just can't help myself! Snappy Alexia is definitely back in full swing and her run-in with Meghan will be nothing short of a Sass-Fest, of that I can assure you. You're very welcome for the help, glad I could be of assistance! I would always hope to improve my writing, so let's both hope for that? ;) thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoyed the update!**

 **GrimmKitsune: THE DREAM READER! I'm basically gonna try and go throughthe questions you asked throughout your reviews and try to answer them, but really thank you from the bottom of my self-doubting heart, you really have been awesome. And you continue to be so! I was so glad to see how invested you were with Alexia right from the off, that's such a big thing to know my OC has paid off well in amongst the AOT characters. Your comments throughout are awesome, highlighting what you enjoyed and what had you intrigued. Brilliant. All such good notes for me to keep in mind when editing etc. and I'm so glad you picked up on the vast difference between how I write Erwin here and in RBW. I will likely never make these two sappy sweet, they had sex yeah but they didn't get personality transplants! This chapter allows them to be a bit sweeter but that's because they've gone through more together, developed that relationship more, so I hope in this update the tender moments came through as true still. When they have sex they've known each other a while, its a couple months I think... it was a while ago sorry. The man who turned Alex, that's a loose end soon to be tied up ;) perhaps in the next update? Your progression through 15 - 23 was great, all that rolling into each other, again I was thrilled to see how invested you were! I was tempted to not have Erwin get his arm ripped off there, but I decided it would make for a compelling decision on Alexia's part. Glad you enjoyed it! I like to use aspects of the manga, but don't want to stick to it religiously. Meghan isn't just another Royal, she's more a trained lap-dog, a watered down royal like Alexia who just wants more power. She's sent to avoid any middle-men fucking it up... but of course Meghan's kinda fucking it up anyway :P The royals are also too shit-scared to do anything direct, so an army of titans wouldn't work well, and they don't have that capacity anyway. I call the MP's unicorns because it sounds ridiculous, and it's their symbol on their crest. I'm glad you enjoyed her making Historia freak out, I had a lot of fun writing that speech. Mikasa gives Alex the stink-eye because she knows the Shifter is getting close with Eren, and she dislikes that because she can't control Alexia. Mikasa finds it hard to trust anyone gaining influence over her brother, assuming the worst at all times. At least that's how I see it personally. And don't you worry, the Meghan line is coming to its end ;) one way... or another! Right I think that was everything! Thank you again, so so so very much for taking the time so often to review, it's amazing, and I hope this update was good for you, up to standard and all that! See you in a couple weeks and gah... THANK you again! If i missed anything feel free to fire off more questions.**


	31. SORRY

**Hello there my lovely readers, I realise the update is already a week late but frankly I am hitting a bit of a wall (pun intended all over the place).**

 **I started a new job last week and so that has thrown my routine through a bit of a loop, and also just... frankly my heads in a bit of a mess with the world right now. I hope to upload soon, and I apologise about the wait, but right now I'm finding it hard to be creative at all in all honesty.**

 **Rest assured I have lots planned for both THIS story and for Red Burning Wings, so don't worry no sudden ends are coming along or anything, just not in the right head-space to be honest.**

 **Anyone up to date on the manga? Ooft!**

 **Hiope you're all well, and hope to see you soon with an update. Apologies again, cheerio.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Helloooooo my lovely readers, I really am so very sorry that this is late. New job, new schedule, and a rather crappy week or so. But I have now pushed through and here we go with another update, the aftermath of those three dirty words ;) haha! Hope you're all well, thanks for your patience, on with the show!**

 **I have also made this a longer update due to the shocking gap in between uploads. Apologies! I'm also working on RBW for those of you that are reading both. Again sorry for delays.**

 **Disclosure: I still don't own AOT.**

 **Warning: MANGAAAAA DETAILS. Warned, prepared, ye go forth at yer own risk blah blah blah.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

I wake up slowly, too damn comfortable to move in all honesty. It's been a good long while since I felt this content with the world, usually waking from nightmares over the past few weeks. Or if not that, then in pain or needing to vomit. But not this time. No, instead it's warm here, safe feeling; a heartbeat soothingly thrumming next to my ear. A heartbeat? I blink properly now, dragging my mind into gear as I suddenly find this comfort and cosiness a little foreign feeling. As I wake properly I recall last night and realise that no, it wasn't some doe-eyed dream. I had in fact knowingly, and gladly – by the walls, perhaps even 'eagerly' - gone to bed with this man. And on top of that? The cherry shining in the oh-so-pretty sunshine as the birds twittered about a new day? I had confessed my feelings. My real, messy, gushy, staining, human feelings.

Well... shit on a stick and shove it down Meghan's throat.

I'm an idiot.

Turns out I don't always need a shit tonne of booze to go nuts, instead I just needed one decent bottle and to finally reach the end of my personal patience.

Buggery.

But why did it turn so serious?

Why not simply a victory fuck?!

Dammit woman your life was a lot simpler with the squirrels. I internally panic whilst staying as still as I can, but through all that I can't push aside this sensation of belonging. This feeling of being... whole? Blurgh the cliché is sticky on my skin already, but its there. Yeah life was simpler before, but it was also dull as hell.

There wasn't much point in delaying it any further though right? I sigh and look up, almost expecting him to be staring at me dully and wondering why I was dithering about so much. Thankfully not the case. His sleeping face is unnervingly adorable. Without than line between his brows he looked a lot younger actually, a lot less... strained. I can't help but wonder when it was that the line became such a permanent feature. Slowly I reach up and run a finger along his jaw, feeling the odd sensation of stubble that lingered there.

"Careful Captain... your human is showing..." I breathe, jolting as he chuckles and yawns, his arms winding round me like cuddling snakes. Cuddling snakes... my god I'm being weird.

"So's yours, Senefold. And it certainly was last night." He hums, his hand moving against my shoulder gently, tracing patterns. I bite my lip and glare when he looks down at me properly, raising a brow and looking slightly smug. He then snorts and lays back on the pillow again, hand still moving against my skin.

"Yeah... well... I..." I'm trying but my brain doesn't want to co-operate right now.

"Just so you know, and before you demand any different... I don't regret last night." He says gently but with an edge to it. No room for argument apparently. "I never will either."

"Ok..." I pop my lips. "Is the serenade about to start or...?" I feel a pinch against my shoulder.

"I am simply saying it before you over-think some shit, or that Meghan bitch pours lies into your head, or... I dunno, some crap like that." He yawns again and pulls me against his chest. I just nod and lightly nuzzle. "Too many times recently did I think my chances had run out. I hated it... so many times I had to wonder if you wouldn't make it."

"I um... I'm sorry." I mumble against his collarbone and he sighs again, but it sounds content instead of despairing.

"Heh... not your fault really, but I appreciate the apology all the same."

"Good." I hum, his hand starting to run along my back, tracing the scar I had retained from the Female Titan attack. I wonder if he would come with me if I asked him to?

"You really did let it scar..." he whispers and whilst I'm not sure I was even meant to hear it, I nod against him.

"I'm a woman of my word." I say as I sit up slightly on my elbow and prod between his brows, only making the frown deepen. "So then Ninja... what exactly does this whole shebacle entail?"

"Translation?" He says as he pinches the bridge of his nose and sits up on his elbow too. So close. The very tip of his nose just brushes mine, and I feel warmer for it. Dammit this was like running along a razor edge. Please don't make me regret this Levi, please? I swallow these worries and concentrate on the most pressing matter.

"Like... secret weird little relationship thing? Or running around holding hands and making everyone want to vomit?" I click my tongue when that smirk reappears, a soft crinkle taking to his silver eyes that makes that warmth in my gut grow. Oh bugger off emotions this is so not my thing, but that smirk stays and I narrow my eyes, bumping his nose with my own. "Well...?"

"Normally this sort of thing is frowned upon but... in all honesty I can't see Erwin causing any fuss. If he knows you're recovering and actually going to be able to fight on our side again? I think he'd let you do just about anything..." He hums, leaning in and kissing my cheek. I lean back and put my forehead to his. I don't imagine he would be this affectionate in the open, but then again this was new territory right? For all I knew, he could do exactly what I feared, he could start coddling me and being all weirdly possessive. I doubt it. But I have to at least consider it. "What is it? I can hear your head clunking away y'know, Brat..."

"I just... I'm glad Golden Boy won't be demanding this come to an end but... well if it's all the same to you I think we need to keep this quiet for the time being."

"Uhuh..." He frowns a little more somehow.

"I don't need the Banshee Bitch finding out you have a weakness, nor me. She's the type to take hold of that and work it for all it's worth. I... I just don't want that." I shake my head and whilst he hesitates, he does eventually nod and sit up properly.

"Probably a good idea... we need to get that bitch out of here."

"That desperate to publicly announce your infatuation?" I quip with my own smirk in place now. He laughs in his rumbling fashion and scrapes his hair back as he shakes his head. The muscles of his back roll under his pale skin and without meaning to, I find myself tracing the scars that create a kind of map.

"More that I don't like her wandering around, just waiting to sink that knife into your back. It makes me on edge whenever she even looks at you." He sighs and looks back at me. "I know being safe on missions isn't all that possible, but I'd like to think of us being slightly safe within these walls at least. Then again maybe that's my naïve brattish self just being stupid."

"No... not stupid. Perhaps just optimistic." I chuckle, leaning in and kissing between his shoulder blades. He's so warm. "But I _have_ had a couple thoughts on the idea of Banshee removal." I shrug and he turns back to me and lays down. He waits. I snort and sit up properly now, pulling some cover with me when that pervy bastard immediately looks at my chest.

"I'm allowed to look now, surely?" He snorts. That smirk is pissing me off already. I ignore him and continue with my planning.

"I thought I'd give Meghan some of her own medicine, get her all riled up and have her stick her foot in her mouth."

"Oh? How you planning on doing that?" He murmurs into another yawn and I flick his head.

"Where would be the fun in monologuing my entire dastardly plan?" I cock my head to the side and grin, something flashing in his eyes before he tugs me back down and kisses me hard. My body is so damned in tune with his I once again find myself acting before having thought about it, my body arching into his and hands in his hair.

What the living fuck was wrong with my wiring?

"Just promise me you'll be safe?" He breathes, biting my bottom lip lightly before kissing me again, a small noise being pulled from me much to my own irritation. I push against his chest, panting a little as he stares at me with a strange determination. Turns out he's even weirder behind closed doors?! But then I see that strange fear there, in his eyes and in his tone. This really was new territory.

"I'm not putting myself in any danger, just riling her up... don't start treating me like glass, okay?" I demand, hands feeling the way his heart is thundering under my touch. He nods and I relinquish the barrier, feeling his lips crashing against mine a second later. "You're not letting me out of this bed yet are you, Captain?"

"Not a fucking chance, Brat." He growls against me, his hands boldly running all over me and heading south. I chuckle and hitch a leg onto his waist, hearing the morning bell sound and knowing we would be completely ignoring it.

Some people have coffee to wake them up, get their hearts pounding and minds ticking. Others prefer a soothing cup of tea to gently nudge them into the days embrace. Me? Apparently I was turning into one of those people that liked to start the morning with a vigorous work-out; a couple core exercises to get a sweat rolling down my back, some wrestling of skin to skin, and then some hard breathing techniques, all climaxing in a heap of dizzied words and eventual clambering back into the shower.

It was one way to start the day.

And as he kisses along my shoulder whilst I lather the soap between my hands I can't help but grin.

Fucking hell... never mind the squirrels.

* * *

I sip my coffee across the table from him and have to wonder if he thinks the stuff tastes better than normal as well. I feel like such an idiot, and yet for some reason don't feel all that obligated to do anything about it. Was I getting lazy? Or was this what it felt like to be content? My foot occasionally catches his and I swear I feel like a damned teenager again whenever it does, a small flicker of thrill catching me, small uptake in my heartbeat. Bloody hell. It's hard enough to not let my mind wander back to between those sheets. I eat slowly and listen to the general hubbub of the morning, knowing full well these kids hadn't had nearly as nice a wake-up call.

Historia comes in and sits down with the MP's, looking like she hasn't slept for about a week solid in all honesty. I can't blame her for feeling restless, but I can try to help her. As we all sit eating and chatting away, I watch the blonde sitting across from Meghan. Lies slither over that table-top and occasionally that blonde head bobs in agreement with whatever the Bitch has just said. I just hope I'm not too late with this plan, these kids at our table wanted Historia back still, I'm fairly sure of that. I look back to Levi and see him also looking across to that table, his jaw taught before he glances me way and nods slightly.

"Looks like you've got your work cut out for you." He mutters before sitting back and enjoying his coffee in that dumb-ass fashion. I click my tongue and stir my eggs unenthusiastically. When don't I have my work cut out for me?

"Seems so... I need to get Meghan alone, and just hope Historia catches wind of things, or even overhears. It can't be direct, she's already had her little head warped by Meghan too much for that, anything said directly will be seen as a lie."

"How about we say you're gonna be training your ability now that you're recovered?" He suggests and then I see Eren's head snap my way. It was understandable that the kid had heard, after all he was sat right there, but the fact he had overheard the Captain might be a bit more of an issue. "What you looking at, Jeager?"

"You're training Senefold's ability?"

"What of it?" Levi persists and Eren swallows hard.

"But it's so soon?" Eren questions quietly, and something lights in Levi's eyes. At first I think it might be anger, irritation at being questioned by the kid. But then Levi taps my foot and I guess it might have been inspiration instead, I would play along with whatever curve-ball he threw. This was almost feeling fun.

"She needs to be back to full strength as soon as possible, brat, this isn't your call." He speaks a little louder, but not enough to attract attention beyond that of a nosy wench. Oh look, her ears just pricked. Predictable inbred...

"But she has only just recovered!" Eren retorts, and whilst I'm glad to have him so concerned in that it meant he cared, I'm a little taken aback at suddenly being demoted to a 'she'. I mean, I'm sat right here you tit. But men will be men and I clear my throat.

" _She_ has a say in this as well." I interject with raised brows, and Eren looks my way with a pained look. "Jesus you look like a puppy I've kicked. Eren calm down, it's hardly gonna be extensive, just some strength exercises or something."

"But..." he looks between me and Levi, and then back to me. Now he looks like a puppy I kicked twice; once in the arse and once in the face. I click my tongue and shrug, feeling a little callous but knowing this was attracting the right kind of wrong attention.

"Let's face it, we need to keep moving what with all the shit going down around here." I say off-handedly and he shakes his head, slamming his hands on the table desperately.

"But you could so easily relapse!"

"It's a risk we have to take, Kid. I'll be looked after the entire time, and I promise I won't-"

"You won't be doing a thing." Meghan suddenly pipes up, and we all look her way, another gentle tap against my foot coming from my Captain. I resist the urge to smile. Now I feel like a scheming teenager too. Oh to be young again.

"Not really your call is it?" Snaps Levi, and I see Historia grow anxious out the corner of my eye. "Erwin's still Commander and he has the final say. Go back to your little royal tea-party and let the soldiers talk about the real work to be done." He takes another sip of his coffee and I watch Meghan's self-importance inflate like a toads throat.

"I'll have you know I have _far_ more authority than that cripple upstairs."

"Watch it woman, I think you'll find I'm the resident Nickname giver." I growl, pointing an accusing finger her way and watching those lips curl into a snarl. It is amazing how easily this woman forgets that between the two of us, I have much sharper teeth. "If you don't watch yourself I'll brand a couple of yours into that pinched face." I stand up.

"I'm in charge, simple fact." She says with confidence, it wavering as I tilt my head.

"Our regiment answers to Erwin Smith, _Commander_ Erwin Smith to you. On paper you might have the 'authority', but within the walls of this HQ? Doesn't really matter how far up the King's arse you have your forked tongue, we don't give a shit." I hiss and drain my coffee, glancing at Levi. "I'll see you in the training ring, gonna do some warm ups."

"Make sure to stretch properly, no need to injure yourself _yet_ again." Levi mutters, rolling his eyes and doing very well to play his usually stoic part. I nod and head away, making a point of pushing past Meghan when she continues to bluster. Oh go on love, be the moron I know you are, follow me and have your little stooge follow and let this all be blown over by your own pent up hot air.

Come on.

Do it.

For once make my life easier.

I get to the training ring and manage to shrug out of my coat, stretching a bit and doing some moves on my own. Despite the fact this was all for show, it was still nice to be moving like this again, feeling some strength in me and vitality. My body had felt like a cage for a while now, but finally the hinges were oiled again and I could breathe freely. Yet this moment of simple enjoyment soon passes as I hear those footfalls.

I know it isn't my Captain, those are shorter strides, a sense of urgency or absolute non-interest, he didn't really have an in-between setting. Hanji's steps were more frantic, usually a couple trips every now and then and of course random pauses when she made notes or tried to remember what the hell she had actually been doing. Eren... well the kid kinda just marched like any other freshly trained cadet, to and fro, the only real indication of it being him was the slowing down if in the vicinity of the Captain. But Meghan was her own kind of beast. Stride long and wavering, the hip swing evident in the beat between steps and of course the smirk ringing out like a god-damned cowbell. Not to mention she reeked like a cheap whore by the riverside, Perfume De Wench.

Let the games begin.

"Come to tell me off again... Cousin?" I shrug, not really caring the actual relation she had to me. A chuckle is my answer and I sigh, pushing my bleached hair back as I turn to her.

I had expected this to be nothing more than another bitch-fest, another to and fro where she got flustered and I had to try my best not to choke on laughter. But not this time. I blink, she was a lot closer than I imagined, and a slight warm sensation is suddenly running over my chest. What the? I look down and shudder as blood sinks into my shirt, my breathing quickening as I look at her again in abject horror. She had stabbed me. Actually stabbed me.

The wench had really snapped hadn't she?!

This wasn't idle threats, this was an outright murder attempt right?

"I thought I'd get straight to the _point._ " She growls, twisting the blade and sending me to my knees in a panting heap, a strangled yelp escaping me. I gasp and shove her hand away, tugging the blade out myself. I resist the want to shift and feel things crawl back over as I heal. At least I was healing now, or else I'd have already been woozy with blood-loss, the crazy cow had struck the artery on the dot and my white shirt is now crimson. "So you're doing well in recovery it seems."

"Have you actually snapped?!" I yell at her, seeing a flash of blonde out of the corner of my eye and just hoping it was the right kind of blonde that would make this worth it. Please be here to see this barbaric side to Meghan, Historia. Please? God dammit that had hurt! I try to get up but just yell out as another blade sinks into my shoulder, keeping me down. "Fuck off!"

"You need to finally learn your place, and I am giving you this final shot at remaining alive." She growls at me, twisting that blade as well before wrenching it back out. I waver.

"This doesn't r-really seem... like much o-of a chance... at staying alive." I gulp and feel myself heal a bit more. Her tongue clicks.

"The only time you seem able to listen is when your own selfish life is in danger. So listen well you little rat. Join me and do as you were born to, fulfil the purpose given to you and make our family's sacrifices worth it." She hisses, and suddenly a very thin and cold line is held against my nape.

Ah.

This really was a yes or no situation.

I gulp and try to think in amongst all the noise going on in my head. I hadn't seen this coming, not having thought she had the balls to be this brazen. If I wasn't so scared right now I might have been impressed.

"S-sacrifices? What're you talking about?"

"Your power you simpleton, the price we paid to make you this brilliant weapon. Stop wasting what was given!" She yells, her voice cracking for a moment. I have to wonder, with my head bent towards the dirt and her fresh blade against my nape, if she had ever wanted to be 'chosen' by the family. Had it been her dream? Was that why she enjoyed being so cruel to me? I grit my teeth.

"What, a fucking syringe's worth of weird purple liquid? Hardly a huge tab to pay." I snarl, wincing as that cold sensation burns with the movement of the blade. One wrong move and I really would be dead in the dirt.

My heart is trying to deafen me again. This was so not how I intended this conversation to go; I had seen myself all superior and proper, calling her out and watching her fluster and bumble her way into showing Historia her true colours. But no. I was knee deep in shit again. Thankfully not literally as I sink my hands into the dirt, and try to focus on the stability there. No, I didn't need to shift, I didn't need to run. This could still work, if that had actually been Historia I saw just now, perhaps this cruelty would wake her to the woman Meghan really was? Or maybe I can get Meghan to blurt out something to scare the girl.

Yeah... y-yeah that was the plan anyway.

O-Okay focus.

No don't think about Levi. Don't think about how great this morning felt. Don't think about how Levi would just flip out and probably lose his head over this. D-don't. I swallow hard and listen when her laughter has finally died down, trying to ignore how warm my eyes have gotten. The razors edge idea from this morning seems all the more apparent now.

"You can't be serious Alexia... or are you simply trying to deny the monstrous deed you committed?"

"Excuse me?" I gasp in confusion, head already pounding.

"The horrendous deed you did to gain this power? The life you stole. The Uncle you so easily consumed and took from our ranks. He was so loyal... and look how we wasted him." She mutters.

I feel like that cold blade has already sunk into me; ice running through my veins as I comprehend what she's saying. I recall that man who kept coming to the house to speak with my parents, who took me out on that wagon, who had so oddly disappeared and left behind a shoe. I shudder and feel my stomach churn violently. No. I had never eaten a person. That was what made me different, that was why I wasn't a monster when it came right down to it. I had never eaten a person when in my Titan form.

Right?

R-right...?

"He... he was my... Uncle? But... I... no, he fucking ran off in fear, I never ate him."

"Oh really?" Meghan chuckles and a couple tears escape me as my mind starts to feel the truth of her words. Trust this to be the time she chooses to be honest. "So you're the first person in the history of Titan Shifting to gain control without eating another shifter? My, my do tell me your secret oh Chosen One. Or better yet, wake the hell up and smell reality." She growls, hot breath suddenly in my ear. "You want to know what happened?"

No.

Fuck no.

I don't want to know any of this.

I want to run as far away from this as I can, but instead my fingers just sink deeper into the ground. When I don't respond, Meghan stands up again and cackles away, making me shudder all over, a trembling wreck in a matter of seconds.

"I was there you know, taken by my father, your Great Uncle, and made to watch the sordid affair. From that day you were my charge and I watched as you consumed him, those gaping jaws gnashing down on him." She says it loudly and as I glance around I can see some cadets, she wants them disgusted right? This is her showing the regiment who I really was, showing them the disgusting beast they had protected from her wrath. I hope they don't believe it like I do. The only thing I'm hoping for now is that Historia is as disgusted in Meghan as well, for seeming to enjoy this memory lane visit. "And then there you were, all shivering and falling out of the shell once it was done. What a fucking waste... if only we had known-"

"Bullshit. I never ate anyone! I would remember!" I yell as more tears escape me. If I had to accept this revelation, then I _had_ to make this fucking torment worth it. I had to try to get Meghan riled. God I want a drink, or fifteen. "This is just more bullshit so you can try to control me, that's all this ever is."

"Not this time _Alexia_ you imbecile. Think back... think back to all those times your parents drank themselves into oblivion, wasn't it usually after a visit from that _strange man_? The man you eventually ate?" She nudges me, the blade scratching at my skin. I swallow hard.

"I..." I blink and shake my head. "I don't remember..."

"Yes you do, liar. They would sit and discuss the future in that shitty little kitchen, in that shitty little house. Think!" She demands and I grit my teeth, the past never having been somewhere I enjoyed visiting. I was too busy running from it. I just think of the smell of booze, of puke, and hear mumbling incoherency when considering the past. That was it. "They'd sit there talking with your dutiful Uncle, offering themselves instead, _pleading_ with the family's spokesperson to use them instead of their precious daughter."

"P-precious daughter?! They barely even-" Meghan silences me by pressing harder on the blade. I shudder and try not to listen, it would all be lies, it had to be fucking lies. H-Had to be.

"They kept trying to make you run away you dumb-ass, they wanted you to run and be free... they just didn't manage it quick enough."

"Why not use them if they were so bloody willing?" I snap through my teeth.

"They were too old, they weren't the right mix. That was you. A perfect cocktail of bloodlines made _just right_ for the task at hand. And so... they asked only one thing in return, to drown their sorrows. Bit pathetic really..." She sighs and I feel sick to my stomach all over again.

Lies.

Had to be lies.

"No I-"

"It's how they _all_ got their powers you fool." Meghan cackles and I focus, shivering from head to toe but trying to keep in mind what I was trying to do here. But I can't deny I'm hoping Levi would come along sooner rather than later and hit this bitch into next week. I clear my throat and deny any more tears.

"What about Historia? Surely she could have such power? Surely she-"

" _Oh my_ how forward thinking of you, of course you idiot. That's why I've kept Jeager alive this long."

And there it is.

A gasp rings up from the formed audience, and Meghan goes quiet. I can't stay still as these shivers wrack my body, but I look over to the edge of the ring and stare right at Historia and Eren who are incidentally stood right next to each other. In their wide young eyes I see realisation, and outright horror. It was a silver lining at least.

"Finally... s-some truth." I spit out, Meghan's feet shifting as she also turns and presumably looks over to her blonde puppet with dismay.

Whoopsies.

"Historia dear... I... I was going to tell you of course!"

"But... why...? You said no more of my friends had to be hurt." The girl breathes and I know that Eren is likely looking at her with friendship all over again by now. Despite her idiocy, the small blonde doll was still wanting to look out for her comrades. I was glad to know she hadn't been dragged too far into the toxic abyss by Meghan. For once I wasn't too late. Maybe just this once I had been able to save someone.

I stare at the dirt and listen, that blade kind of shifting uneasily against my neck.

Ow?

"Eren... Jeager... he..." Meghan stumbles as she clasps for another lie, or the right coercion tactic, or fresh bullshit. "He isn't a friend, he's a means to an end. With his power you'll be able to save thousands. Remember what I said?"

Power? What extra power did Eren have other than shifting? Or was that all she meant?

"The... th-the original power? But you said it was a royal power anyway!" Historia sounds about as confused as I feel. Original Power? The fuck was this fresh hell? I wish I was still in bed.

"It's almost like she's been lying..." I mutter, hissing when the blade pierces my skin and I watch blood dribble into the dirt. Ow again.

"Eren's father stole it, you need to claim it back for us, my dear!" Meghan coo's, trying to hold onto that noose around the young girl's neck.

But as the tries to tighten one deadly hold, she loosens another.

The first instant I feel that blade move even slightly away from me, I know it's now or never. I duck, I slap that hand away and hold her arm up behind her back, my other hand holding her chin at a bad angle. My pinky tingles as I slowly make a long thin crustal and tap it against her exposed throat. Oh how easy it would be to open her up and serve the dirt her wretched vintage. I shudder but resist.

I stare over at the confused looking cadets, they have literally no idea who the villain is any more. And as my stomach churns again, I really don't either. I keep seeing that man driving the wagon, that left behind shoe, and I keep wondering if what Meghan had said was true. Had I eaten him? I try to steady myself, but then I look at Eren and see how pale he looks. Shit. Wake up Senefold, you're not the only one in turmoil here you selfish cow. His father had stolen this power? This original power? Dammit this was getting messier by the minute. Suddenly me and Levi's scheming doesn't feel all that clever.

I focus for now and look to Historia, her big blue eyes desperate for answers.

"I tried to warn you Historia... this is what she does. Tangles lies and and then waits for you to trust her. Meghan is no more your friend than a Titan looming over you is. Please. Listen to Eren if not me." I swallow hard, feeling my nape thankfully heal with a low hiss.

The blonde turns to the boy and they share a long look, Eren smiles and shrugs, holding out a hand to her. Historia hesitates of course, the poor kid has about a thousand strings attached to her at the moment, all tugging, all singing different tunes. But the fact is? Our strings are loosening now, they are patient, they are silent for the time being. Meghan struggles of course, but the second my crystal nicks her skin? She goes all still again.

"Good little inbred, just wait your turn." I coo in her ear, keeping my nerves in check for the time being. I listen to the growl in her throat. "Oh very scary indeed. Ah hello Captain!" I cheer when Levi pushes his way through the gathered cadets and he takes the scene in. He looks wholly confused, but considering I'm upright and Eren is stood facing a now 'neutral' Historia, Levi seems willing to go along with it. Although of course he can't see the red shirt I'm now wearing, it hidden behind the body of Meghan. Ach, he could panic later.

"Situation, Senefold?"

"Oh just fine thanks, don't suppose I could trouble you for some shackles?" I respond with another tap of my crystal against Meghan's gulping throat. The wench struggles again.

"You imprison me and you die." Meghan hisses.

"I rather feel like that might be the other way around, if I _don't_ imprison you I seem far more likely to be topped off." I chuckle and she grumbles, Levi giving me an odd look as he hears my laughter. Does he know this is me clinging to control? Had he learned to read me that well when I wasn't looking?

He brings forward some shackles and attaches them to our newest prisoner, sending her off to the cells pronto. But I can't stay still, not right now. I head over to the side of the training ring and look between Historia and Eren, wondering if old bridges had begun to be rebuilt. The girl is bright red.

"You two flirting or what?" I snort and they both gape at me, shaking their heads, I hold my hands up. "Okay I retract the statement. What's going on then?"

"I just..." Historia looks to her suddenly fascinating shoes again. "I feel so foolish."

"Why? Because a specially trained con-woman managed to fool you by playing upon your most basic needs and desires in this world?"

She nods slowly.

"Hardly something to worry about Historia... you're a kid, and I don't think you've done _too_ much to be beyond redemption." I smile, feeling myself shiver more as I stand in one spot. I lean on the railing and hope no one sees my trembles.

"But I was so god awful to you last night, Miss Alexia!"

"Yeah... and I threatened to rip your spine out." I shrug and clear my throat when Eren does a double-take. "We've all done dumb-ass things recently. Right now... well right now you probably want to go amend a few things with your class-mates and we all need to consider what Meghan just said." I swallow hard and look at my hands. "What else did Meghan say about this 'original power'?"

When I get no response, I look up and see the girl staring at me.

I see pity?

"I'm sorry about your um... w-well... what she said about how you got your power?" The blonde is trying to be nice, but my instinct is to ram my knee into her face and bolt. I resist this urge and manage a strained smile, but my knee-cap itches.

"It's fine, I'm a big girl. I can handle it. But seriously this-"

"Alexia you don't need to brush over i-"

"Yes I do." I snap, and the blonde leans back a bit, Eren looking at me in surprise but then a blush appearing on his cheeks as he looks down. I suppose he had to consider that he too had consumed someone at some point too. But who? The world is in a whirl right now, I just hope it stops this dizzying dance sooner rather than later. I clasp my hands together and try to think, the silence hanging heavy as Levi comes back over and stands beside me.

I shouldn't have left the bed today.

I really shouldn't.

Should have stayed hidden away in that bubble of 'happy'.

"Um... Senefold..." Levi murmurs, his hand gesturing to my shirt, I wave a hand dismissively.

"Healed. Fine." I say before clearing my throat again, and he nods, not looking happy but also not pressing me on the matter. Yeah, I think my Ninja had learned to read me a lot better than I realised.

"Hang on..." Eren breathes and I hear that edge to his voice. Oh crap what had he figured out? "She said my father stole the power? But why have Historia eat me then? Unless I... I..." He puts a hand over his mouth and gags, me blinking dumbly before he bolts to the side and vomits into a bucket.

Oh.

Oh shitting hell.

Eren had eaten his own father?

Well that was a new addition to the pile of weird, that was for sure. I want to go over and comfort him, but I stagger and don't move more than an inch. Levi puts a hand on my shoulder and I think he's talking to me, but I'm not hearing a damn thing. In order to comfort Eren I would have to reassure him it didn't make him a monster, that it wasn't his choice. Whilst I truly believed that about him, when applied to myself? No. I didn't believe it, not a bit. I feel cold still and when Levi shakes me I finally look at him, him blinking when our eyes meet as I think he sees me look as much of a mess as I feel.

"Brat c'mon speak to me, what's all this... about... Alex?" He taps my cheek when I start to turn away, his expression a bit panicked for a second when I look back at him in confusion. "C'mon..." he leans in slightly, "Let me in?"

"I just... I h-hang on, Lev-Cap... Levi." I nod and hop over the fence, going over to Eren as he gasps between gagging sessions. Over my time knowing Eren I had felt this need to look after him, so right now I couldn't exactly ignore that impulse.

I had to try.

I swallow hard and kneel down next to him, the kid looking at me with those big green eyes, the intensity so much stranger now. He is as lost as I am. Felt odd to have an even playing field with someone again. I pat his shoulder in a similar manner to Levi with me, and I search for words, the kid obviously seeing my struggle.

"How... Alex... h-how do we..."

"Look anyone in the eye from now on?" I finish for him and he nods meekly, snivelling a bit before accepting some water from Historia. I nod to her in thanks and wait for him to definitely not immediately throw it back up. He doesn't and I rub his back, the kid moving and doing the strangest thing to date. He hugs me. I look down at him and feel my own trembling subside a little bit. With all this mania within him, it was hard to remember that when it came right down to it? Eren Jeager was nothing but a boy. A fierce boy with a lot of rage, yes, but a boy nonetheless. 15 years old and the world just wouldn't give him a break. I run my hand through his hair and close my eyes.

"Eren... I..."

"Please... t-tell me how to fix it?" He pleads and god dammit I feel that plea sink into my heart and brand my soul. Why did I have to start caring?

"Eren I... I had genuinely thought I had never eaten anyone, it was my staple on being different to the things I hunted. I had thought that for well over a deace. And now I... w-well I won't insult you kid. I'm not gonna claim to know that you didn't know what you were doing but... I know I certainly didn't." I feel dirty for saying it, it feels like I'm giving myself a free pass, but right now I can't be self-indulgent. I have to be honest instead and accept what I can't control. "I don't remember anything except waking up and finding an abandoned shoe. I reckon you don't remember much either?"

He nods shakily.

"T-Tends to indicate that we weren't there then, we were vacant vessels like all those others Titans meandering around." I gulp, feeling my jacket draped over my shoulders. I look up and smile softly at Levi who just nods in return, his stoic mask back in place as he also tries to contend with this. Very quickly this relationship had turned into me needing his support – but considering my track record of late, I'm sure he knew of that possibility. Poor bastard.

"B-But... how did I... m-my father I... I didn't..." Eren is trying to sort it out in his head, I can practically feel the confusion swimming around him, flowing between us so easily it ached.

"Eren listen to me... if your Dad stole this 'original power' and then turned you? Seems like he had a plan. The sick bastard went ahead and made you do it... like my family made me." I swallow hard but the chill running through my now isn't something easily ignored. This was a hard pill to choke down. I had eaten a human, I had always been the beast I swore I never would allow myself to succumb to.

A smirk takes to my lips as I look down at my hands, remembering all those tally marks, how I slipped with the chisel and caught myself a couple times, how I found such superiority in taking the beasts down when I could. Like I was somehow better than them. Once again my eyes feel warm.

"Oi, Artlet, can you get Jeager back to your dorm or something?" Levi barks over, and I note he specifically didn't say 'cell'. That helps my heart as Armin comes over and takes Eren, helping his friend walk and giving me a soft smile in return.

"Alexia can you stand?" Historia asks, her pale , doll-like hand resting on my knee.

"I'll get her back to her room, Historia. I would suggest you go make good with your classmates for the time being... I think the Commander will want a word as well." Says Levi plainly, and then girl nods, squeezing my knee before getting up and walking away. I hope her heart doesn't ache for too long. A hand rests on my shoulder. "C'mon Alex, let me help you?"

"Y-Yeah... sure thing." I nod and accept his arm as I get to my feet and waver only a little. I swallow hard. "Don't suppose I could ammend the previous destination from my room, to yours?" I say quietly, no one else hearing a thing hopefully. He nods slightly and helps me move, his head looking round a moment later.

"Show's over. Get that training ring cleaned up, brats. Someone go put double guards on those cells for the MP bitch, and get any MP's supplies thrown in a wagon and moved to the front of the HQ. Move." He barks out and the movement is immediate. "Good to see you smiling..." He notes when seeing my smile in place. I can't help it, he was still my bad-ass Ninja man, and right now I feel like that's what I need. Well... along with a stiff drink.

* * *

 **Thank you so very much for reading, hope you all enjoyed! Bit of a doozy eh?**

 **Please leave a fav, follow and or review as I looove to hear from you all. Thanks so very much for sticking around and hopefully I will see you at our usual pace of two weeks time!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **GrimmKitsune: I was all too happy to answer your questions; you were good enough to review every chapter, so it was the least I could do in return! And I know, they took a while to get there didn't they? Daft pair. I could not have written a typical 'i love you' scene for these two, c'mon it'd read so wrong. Haha no, i was not going to let that happen, but in the editing i nearly accidentally did, whoops? Deleted a paragraph by mistake... lol... but no they don't wanna do the nasty in the dead people beds. Thanks for reviewing, hope this was up to standard!**

 **HoneyInTheSunshine: I am so very glad you are enjoying this as much as you seem to be, glad to know you're hooked. Always nice to hear from new readers early on as well. I hope the wait didn't actually make you explode, you sounded like you might be on the verge last time. Hope this was up to standard and thank you again for taking the time to review, hope to hear from you soon.**

 **PennieWhistle: I'm glad you came over from AO3 as I was very sorry to leave that site, it was just waaaaay too quiet. Like... mentally so. So welcome! And thank you so much, I'm glad you're enjoying things still. Oh and I hope you're enjoying RBW still as well, that'll be updated as soon as I can. Hope this was up to standard, and I suppose there was some fluff in the beginning? Hope it was good for you! Thanks again, and see you next time!**

 **IWantTheBotty: I am glad you enjoyed and thank you very much for reviewing. Your english is fine by the way. Erwin... hmm... well I guess he might do on some level but it isn't something I intended to write into it more than a hint so I'm pretty impressed/ecstatic to picked up on it at all. Glad the nicknames are a hit, I always like making them up. Sorry about the wait though! Hope the update was worth it, thank you for reviewing and hope to hear from you again!**

 **UmbreonGurl: I'm just glad to know you're still here and still enjoying! I'm doing all right, just a bit of a dry patch I think, and with the new job its a case of finding a new schedule that fits. Thanks for checking in though, and I hope you're pleased with the update!**


	33. 2017 apologies, explanations, SHAME

**Happy New Year Everyone! Yes unfortunately this isn't content update, its an apology one and a touch of grovelling as well. Oh and a dash of explanation too.**

 **I am very sorry for the lack of updates, believe me I am verrrry aware of the fact I am MAJORLY overdue for both RBW and CW. Not to mention FFD. But frankly I think I've been a bit burnt out from only writing AOT based things for such a consistent amount of time. So I'm looking some personal projects for now and I plan to dabble back and forth. So hopefully it won't be too long before I get back to updating for you all.**

 **Thank you to everyone still following and reviewing and favouriting. I am so very glad to have you all as my awesome readers, and I promise I have plenty plans for all stories I have up right now, it isn't a lack of planning, it's a lack of... creativity? Nah... drive? I don't know, I just think I'm a bit sapped right now. Along with this my job situation has changed again and there's all that kafuffle going on as well.**

 **Anyway I hope to update as soon as I can, and I highly appreciate all your patience! I can also confirm I have actually written some of the update for all 3 stories, INCLUDING FLIGHT FROM DARKNESS. So yes, that story will FINALLY have an update. I think I last updated it in march of last year... *shudder* BAD AUTHOR. Sorry guys, anyway, hope to see you soon with some updates ready to go.**

 **P.S I am aiming for it to be within another month. I hope sooner.**


	34. Chapter 34

**HELLO HELLO HELLO!**

 **Okay so being back on a tighter schedule has definitely helped so far. However, I think from this point on I'm going to say my updates will likely be every 3-4 weeks. Hopefully I can update early sometimes, but right now that's gonna be my schedule. I know you guys are hardly setting your watches by this, trust me I'm not that arrogant, but I do know how frustrating it can be when an Author suddenly gets erratic with uploads. So that's gonna be what I'm aiming for, updates every 3-4 weeks for my stories. I'm still working on RBW and FFD, but as Chained Wings was at the front of the list, here we are.**

 **Anyway, I hope 2017 is going as well as possible for you all, and I hope we're all excited for the EVENTUAL release of Season 2? Anyway thank you sooooo much for your patience, as usual shoutouts for all reviews I have recieved between uploads will be at the end, but thank you to all that are still following and favouriting and reading! Since I did my last proper update (late november I think? *SHAME*) I have had so many lovely reviews, and many have been on earlier chapters, if you have done this during this time please be sure to check the shoutout section. I always respond to reviews, so it'l be there somewhere!  
**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Note: I don't own AOT, I'm just messing around here. But I do own Alexia, and that's terrifying enough. Ta!**

 **WARNING: Manga stuff is still in here, if ya don't want spoilers, (like right up until some of the newest chapters of the manga people) then run away. I will apply this warning always... as long as I remember. Anyway, warning applied!**

* * *

The air is thin and my lungs ache, my eyes see nothing but the ground directly in front of my scrambling feet as I rush along, lips dry as they fail to draw anything more than a feeble gasp. I run, and I keep fucking running. Right now there's nothing else to do in the world, not a single god damned thing other than fall apart. And I'm not ready to do that just yet. My feet splinter with pain every single time they smack off the unforgiving ground, and my head is pounding with all the regrets, the anger, the confusion. My are eyes bleared by pathetic tears and my hands are already torn to shreds from having fallen a few times. In short, I'm about as much of a mess as a human can be.

People pause to watch; expressions either disinterested or irritated for having had to dodge this bundling mess. I create ripples in their day, but nothing more. The world continues on and I know why, it's because I don't matter. It's not like this is new information, but it still hurts, I can't deny it for a second. I have never mattered, no matter how intense my head got or how wrought my heart felt; in the grand scheme of things I was as important as the bugs I was likely crushing with every wayward step.

I was ten years old and I thought that was as messy as the world could get.

How fucking wrong I was.

I think back upon that day when my young heart was in such a mess over my parent's lack of affection, my young mind calling them every name under the sun and my eyes never ceasing in their pointless weeping. If only I had known. If I had realised that with every disinterested word, with every angry drunken snap, they wanted me to leave, they desperately wanted me to escape. It was their attempts at saving me. But it wasn't even from them, it was from our family, from _their_ plans for us. For me. What was it about that day that had hurt so much? What had sent me into such hysterics as I ran through the town, bruising my toes against the cobbles? I can barely remember now. The taste of iron on my tongue as I ran far beyond my means to, eventually collapsing down by the river, scraping my knees to bloody messes, and puking my guts up.

 _Why don't you just run away?_

Ah yeah... shit... that was it wasn't it?

Even now those words send a chill down my spine, but not the quick kind manifested from fear, it's the slow trickle of ice that feels like it might just freeze over your whole soul if it got the chance. Inescapable. It oozes along and grips your entirety, making you feel so very sure that nothing would ever manage to chase that coldness away again. Of course something would, as humans we're far too fickle to actually remain locked in that intense an emotion for more than a couple days at a time. No matter how stubborn we might be. But at the time? Fuck it feels awful, like you could so easily drown in it. I shiver whilst those words from so long ago runaround my mind, so much more meaning behind them now than ever before.

I think that's what makes this worse.

Those words had been the turning point from my parents passively ignoring me, to my mother outright demanding I leave the house. That is, whenever she was sober enough to form a full sentence. It had been a normal morning otherwise; me getting my own breakfast and putting the empty bottles in the bin, trying my best to keep the clinking to a minimum to avoid them being woken by the echoes of their own glassy demise. But when I came back into the kitchen afterwards she was sat there at the kitchen table, very still, and staring out the window. Like an abandoned doll waiting to play her part. For so many years I had seen her only be that still when she was sleeping, or rather, passed out. Otherwise she was always staggering around, rocking back and forth, or simply walking away from me. But not that time, that time she was sat there like a statue in the morning light, dust swirling around after I'd opened and closed the back door. It clicked softly behind me as it shut properly, my hands having fallen away from the cool handle when faced with the odd sight. At the noise she blinked and slowly turned to me. Those eyes, so very like my own, were red around the edges and as usual looking badly bruised by lack of sleep.

Then a smile took her her lips.

I don't think I've ever felt so scared in my life, before or since.

It wasn't that my mother was violent, not at all really. No, it was simply this deep sense of foreboding in my gut that came with that warping of her face. It took light and burned deep within me, hollowing me out as I stared at those smiling, though quivering, lips. It was wrong and I knew it. Something had changed, and it would never return to what it once was. Of course at the time all I knew was that odd sense of terror, a child knows nothing of those other things, and in a way I'm glad, it slightly softened the blow when she finally drew a shaken breath and spoke to me in her booze crackled voice.

Totally calm.

Very matter-of-fact.

Completely destroying my heart with six little words.

"Why don't you just run away?" She said it, and then she shrugged, raising that coffee to her lips and sipping softly, her tired eyes returned to the window and her stillness resumed.

I felt like every one of my heartbeats was a nail being hammered into a coffin. Sure, they had always seemed bored by me, or mildly irritated at my existence, but this was a new form of cruelty to my young ears. Outright rejection. It cut so deep I don't even remember turning and running, all I remember next is that blinding run, that ache in my feet and eventually that warm moistness gushing out of my mouth as I vomit by the sparkling river. That kid had made all the assumptions that led me to my current situation, my current mind-fuckery at the hands of Meghan. That kid assumed her parents didn't care, that they were useless drunks, she assumed she would be better off just sticking around and using their roof and kind of comfy bed for the time being. She did it out of spite. Had she asked her mother what she meant? Would that befuddled woman have told her? Would it have all come out back then, before that girl was turned into a monster, before she had that power forced into her small body? Before she killed? Before she ran?

Guess I'll never know.

Neither of us will.

The world is cruel, but right now it seemed to be laughing at me so loudly I have to wonder why my ears aren't bleeding. For so many years I had made that my rule, that if I ever lost it enough to eat someone when in Titan form, I would end it. I'd take a blade to my own damned nape and cut away my stubborn life. With every kill I marked with a tally I felt a little more superior, I felt a little more accomplished. Little did I know I was just ladling on my own hypocrisy thicker and faster.

But I thought that rule was yet unbroken.

I thought I had retained some semblance of humanity.

Fuck, how wrong could one woman be?

I had eaten someone.

A human.

Apparently a relative.

Levi hasn't said a single thing since we got back to his room, and the tea he set down in front of me has long since gone cold. A clack against the table-top lets me know he's refreshed it, but I still don't turn away from the window. I don't really know how to look at him right now. He was Humanity's Strongest, he was supposed to kill vermin like me, and yet he had said he loved me only the night before. Wait... was it only last night? I can't even think on that clearly right now. Apparently the world was laughing at him as well, poor bastard had nearly got his escape as well. Maybe I shouldn't have fought against it so hard, maybe I should have let that bleached streak claim all of me and put an end to this.

I feel a hand take mine and I shiver all over again.

How can he stand to touch me?

I can barely stand to _be_ me.

"Alexia."

Why the hell does that voice hold so much concern and affection?

It should be barking at me like before, treating the dog like it was meant to be treated.

"Alexia c'mon... it's been two hours."

My eyes feel warm as I stare at the glass, a vague reflection of myself opening her lips, but they just uselessly wobble before closing again. Silence was winning right now. It seemed kinder than screaming.

"Say something. You can't just run away from this." He says quietly, grip on my hand slowly tightening when I make to take it away. "I'm not letting go, Brat, so come on, face me." He demands, an edge to his voice now. I smile softly.

" _Y-You're a fucking masochist_." I whisper as I turn to him, seeing those grey eyes scan over me quickly. Like he's searching for the broken part he needs to patch up, to throw some bandages over, to hold in place. I hope he finds it.

"Not exactly what I was hoping for, but it's a start I guess." He says, jaw set strongly.

"I ate him." I say it out loud to make it real, knowing that churning in my stomach was likely a mere ripple to what Eren had felt when learning what he had done. I watch Levi react, and frankly I don't understand it. You would think he'd try and dodge it, perhaps look away as the awkward fact lingers in the air and sullies what we breathe. But no. As usual he's a stubbornly stoic man and he just nods slowly.

"Yeah, your titan did."

"I didn't even really know him... so why... w-why _the fuck_ do I care so much?" I ask, eyes getting warmer as they watch Levi grow confused. The stoic-ness didn't always endure apparently. And in a small way I'm glad, it meant I wasn't alone in this ongoing whirlwind of distraction.

"I... you're allowed to care, Alexia." He says as that frown deepens, he doesn't know what's going inside this head. And really I don't either.

Humans are so fucking messy.

My teeth clench together and the tears roll stupidly.

I'm older, but I certainly ain't much wiser.

"But I don't want to care." I mumble and he holds my hand even tighter. It almost hurts.

"That's why you have to." He says and he holds my gaze, that bastard won't let me look away for a second. "You took one man's death, apparently one man's _voluntary_ death, and you turned it into something that has saved countless lives since. Who knows how many deaths you prevented when killing those Titans in the wild, who the hell knows how many lives you saved when you shifted on that 57th mission."

"But-"

"No. Fuck you Alexia, you're not talking your way round this one." He snaps, slamming his other hand against the table-top. The refreshed tea sloshes, spilling onto the table slightly and staining the wood in jasmine scent. I watch it roll around the cup, slowly returning to stillness, the leaves settling at the bottom all over again. Levi sucks in a deep breath between his teeth before standing and coming round to loom over me. His hands now both cup my face, making me look at him; one is cold from holding mine, and the other is slightly warm after thrashing the woodwork. Again I can't look away. "Are you listening, Senefold?"

"Yes."

"Really?" He demands, those hands holding my jaw tighter.

"Yes." I repeat, the tears slowing till they finally stop.

"I don't take you for someone who placates anyone for anything, am I wrong?"

I shake my head, the lump in my throat preventing words.

"Didn't think so. So when you told Eren it was his father, that sick bastard, that made him do it. Were you lying to the kid?"

Again I shake my head.

"Were you just saying it to shut him up?"

Another shake.

"Didn't think so. You said it yourself, woman. Your family made you do it, and like I just said, you took their bastard move and you made it your own."

I swallow hard, his thumb moves against my cheekbone gently, smearing the tracked tears out of existence.

"If your parents really were willing to take on the burden instead, then I reckon they're probably the type of people to be proud of how you've turned it against the royals. You didn't become their pawn. Sure you ran away too late to escape the power, but you ran away in time to escape the noose." He says and gently starts to stroke his other thumb against my cheekbone, soon all the clinging tears are simple tingles on my skin.

"So I just let myself off the hook?" I ask quietly, voice thick as I watch those grey eyes broil. Right now I don't know who he's angrier with, my family or my stubbornness. He kneels down and runs a hand through my bleached hair.

"Since when have you ever been let off the hook?"

"But-"

"All the hardships you have endured Alexia... really... if there's one person in this world who has been punished, in fact more so, for her crimes, it's you."

I can't do anything but swallow.

There was no room for anything else whilst under that intense stare.

"Do you think I'm lying?" He asks, eyes crinkling slightly in uncertainty, only now doubting. And even then he's only doubting himself. I can't stand it. What the hell was he doing to me?

"No." I shake my head and sigh, still feeling that emptiness inside me burn at low embers. Yet knowing he believed otherwise helped. I wouldn't admit how much, fuck giving away all my supposed pride, but I would at least work past it with him. Or try to.

"Look at it this way, you got Historia out of the Banshee's clutches, right? We have the means to move forward now." He sighs, pulling me down into his lap and kissing my hair. This affection was still unnerving though, I wasn't going to get used to this any time soon. Then again, that might not be entirely a bad thing.

"Thanks Levi..." I breathe against the crook of his neck.

"No, thank you, Brat." He hums, and I almost laugh. I shake my head and look up at him properly, his hand never ceasing in stroking my hair. Like calming a beast. I tilt my head in question and his smirk slips into place, making me feel slightly less shaken. "You let me in." He kisses my forehead and shrugs, my smile breaking into view properly. It felt odd, but it also felt right.

"Levi you're going the right way t-to properly freaking me out now..."

"Good."

"Oh?" I question, and he nods.

"Gotta keep you on your toes, Senefold." He murmurs against my skin.

"The heck has gotten into you?" I breathe, wondering what might have gotten into me as well. He just shrugs.

"Maybe I'm sick of withholding shit and then risking regretting it. Just shut up and allow me this indulgence?" He sighs and then I submit. I lean against him and we stay like that for a while, me cradled in his lap and him sitting on the floor. He gently rocks every now and then too.

The HQ is wurbling around beyond the door, cadets going around and scuffing their feet as they chatter about the drama. I hear Jean ranting away and then laughing heartily with someone, my foolish heart almost hoping it might be Eren for a few moments before I hear the Connie kid snorting in return. Eren wouldn't likely be in the laughing mood just yet.

"So then..." Levi says quietly, breaking our bubble of his own accord. I don't move, I just flick my eyes up to him as we remain sitting there, cuddling like weird normal people. "What do you think this 'original power' thing is?"

"Well... to be honest with you Levi... I don't really know. I can't be sure." I sigh and he nuzzles my head, making me look at him properly and see his frown. He rests our forehead together.

"But you have a theory?" He says, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Well... When we were on that last mission... when I was carrying everyone along the field..." my words sound unsure and its annoying me. Yet really I can't sound like anything but that. I don't know what's going on any more than anyone else.

"Do you mean when you were jolting about all over the place? When Eren yelled?" Levi says, his eyes studying mine intently. I nod but shrug as well. "I had thought I was because you were struggling with all the shifting... but do you think that was Eren controlling you? Or attempting to?"

"Maybe? I can't be sure, it's such a haze for me now. But maybe we should test it out." I murmur, leaning my head back against his shoulder and listening to his heartbeat. It didn't pick up when I mentioned testing, so maybe he thinks I can manage it now. His hand runs up and down my arm slowly.

"You think you're strong enough for that?" He murmurs, hand a little stronger against my arm as his heart finally does pick up. Darn it. I sigh and nudge him, sitting up in his lap to meet his eyes full on. He frowns. "What?"

"Don't start treating me like glass because I had a small breakdown." I chuckle and to my surprise he matches it, rolling his eyes at me. "I won't push the shifting of course, but if I can help Eren I want to at least try it." I touch his cheek to make him look my way again, those dubious eyes having wandered as he continues to worry beneath our joking. "Trust me?"

"I do..." He groans, leaning forward and unabashedly sticking his head against my chest. I laugh a bit and he just snuggles further in. It seemed he became more and more like a normal man, the further the walls descended. I think I'm okay with that.

"You know they're not actually big enough for you to hide in, _sir_."

"Disagree, Brat." I feel it reverberate into me and I give another snort of amusement.

"Well, perhaps I should change out of this blood crudded shirt at least? I'm surprised a neat-freak like you is okay with this. Or are you just too used to seeing my blood now?" I chuckle again and he just sighs, and looks up at me, those grey eyes now just that of a tired man.

"I'm exhausted, woman. Can't a man be a bit of a pervert in peace?"

"Not really... not when I'm the one you're perving on." I point out and he gives a sleepy smile. I get up and tug him with me, a few grumbles escaping him as he gets to his feet and trudges after me. "I'm gonna shower and you're gonna wash your face."

"Yeah, yeah." He tugs himself free of my hold and shoves me towards the bathroom. "I'll leave fresh uniform on the side for you." He grumbles into a yawn and I just head to get myself sorted for the rest of the day.

By the time we're both set to rights again, we hear a knock at our door. I sip the scotch he finally got for me, giving up on the tea that had once again been neglected into chilled oblivion. Levi heads over and answers the door, the mumbling beyond the threshold not reaching me as I swirl the dark liquid and enjoy the soft thrum down my throat. My nerves were finally settling, and as the door clicks shut I look to my Captain. His expression is... confusing. It almost looks pleased, a tiny bit amused, and yet entirely bored at the same time. The man's range was infinitely restrained.

"What was that about?" I ask before quickly downing the last of the glass and licking my lips clean of the soothing liquor. He strides over and sets the glass down, tucking my hair back and shrugging.

"Couple things really. Meghan is ranting away in a cell so loudly we're sure to have the Titan's fucking complaining about the noise."

"No surprises there."

"The MP's are kicking up a fuss as the cadets move their supplies to the wagon beyond the compound gates."

"Who gives a fuck."

"Eren's finally allowed himself to rest, Artlet is confident you got through to him apparently." Levi nods and I just grin in return, "Oh and Erwin would like to see us both in his office right away." He then straightens his cravat and smooths his hair back. "Sound all right to you?"

"Yeah, although I still don't get this thing." I mutter, tugging on the white cloth before striding round him towards the door. "You ever gonna tell me what its about?"

"You've never actually asked, Senefold." He points out and I shrug, tugging the door open and glancing back at him, seeing an odd look cross over his eyes as he tucks the material back into place. He then glances my way with a wry smirk. "Perhaps I'll indulge your nosiness one day, hm?"

"Yeesh, talk about dangling the carrot before the ass." I sigh with a roll of my eyes, and he blinks.

"That... god dammit woman do you ever _not_ talk in innuendo?"

"Where would be the fun in that?" I smile and then as he approaches I linger, he frowns at my lack of movement but I just take his hand and squeeze, wanting a last moment of sincerity before the outside world withheld it from my capability. "I did mean it, Levi... thank you." I nod and he returns it.

"C'mon, we have work to do." He says and I drop the hand after squeezing gently once more.

We get a couple lingering looks as we walk along, no one in this place being disinterested in the slightest. I cannot even fathom what must be running round the rumour mill by now, but frankly I don't have time to consider it before we're at Golden Boy's door and Levi has knocked.

"Come in." Booms the Partial Commander and as we head inside we find him sitting behind his desk. The normal chair is to the side, and the stubborn bastard is sat in his wheelchair looking over various files and notes. Apparently his absence was over?

"You asked to see us, Commander." Levi says, standing to attention until the Blondie has indicated the two seats. I'm glad of it, my legs still not feeling all that strong after the rather upheaval filled morning. "You'll have heard about the incident by now I assume?"

"Indeed." Says Erwin, his blue eyes not having yet wandered from whatever that damned document was talking about. I lean back and get comfortable, assuming this was very much a business visit and not about to be another sop-fest. To be honest that was preferable right now, I was well over my daily ration of emotion. What a glutton I was turning out to be.

"And?" Presses Levi, patience apparently not in the forefront of his mind. A couple more seconds of involved silence slip by before those eyes flit up to us and linger on me, my posture slightly improving on instinct.

"Good to see Senefold holding up, good acting or genuine?" He asks, a slight raising of a brow as he continues to bore those eyes into me. Yeesh nothing like feeling under the magnifying glass. I clear my throat.

"I'm doing fine." I then hold his gaze till the nosy bugger is convinced and he nods, sighing and letting the document fall away.

"I've done what I can but it's not much..." He says, seeming troubled. I look to Levi but he's just watching Erwin closely. The hell was the Blondie talking about.

"Um... you've done what you can?" I say, watching that blonde head slowly nod as once again those blue eyes stare at the desk. He clasps his big hands under his chin and looks to me again with what I am foolish enough to assume is apology.

"Unfortunately the resources we have on the royal family trees are so damned restricted I cannot even find a mentioning of your name. Your family name that is." He adds, leaning back in the chair and making it creak. I nod, that response not having done a hell of a lot of good for my confusion. Why was he even looking? He purses his lips and continues. "But I have some contacts in the city that I've sent word to, if they can be found, they will be."

"Who?" I ask, tilting my head when he looks up in surprise. His eyes go between me and Levi, apparently my Captain seeming just as taken aback as the Commander now. Though of course his expression says no more than a vague interest.

"Well... your parents of course." Golden Nugget explains and I just stare at him, blinking dumbly and trying to figure out why the hell that would be an obvious answer.

"Why... why are you looking for them?" I shake my head.

"Well I thought that-"

"I already told you right? They're probably dead by now, either choking on their own vomit or having been asleep in an Inn when the Titan's attacked. That doesn't change because their intentions were apparently somehow honourable." I click my tongue and get up, needing to move right now. "Is that why you asked for us? If so, can I go talk to Eren instead? I want to get on with trying out this power Meghan was blabbering on about." I pace, rolling my neck as it starts to ache.

"I merely thought you would want that resolved, Senefold. Considering..."

"Considering what?" I demand, voice getting riled as I feel people rifling into my past when even I didn't want to glance at it any more. Not today. Not after being dragged back there. I know why he's doing it, but dammit Stumple this is not the time to be pressing my fucking buttons.

"Considering what you learned. If I... If I have over-stepped then I apologise. I was merely trying to help-"

"With all due respect Golden Boy I don't need that kind of help right now. Whether Mummy and Daddy were drunken assholes or well-meaning drunken fools, it doesn't change the fact they're probably dead. And it also makes no fucking difference to the situation right now. I appreciate the effort but... but I don't want to know." I shrug and make for the door, Levi making no move to follow me and really I'm quite grateful for that.

"Very well. But don't push yourself today, Senefold." Calls Erwin as my hand lands on the door-handle. I pause and glance back, thankful to see no more overly affectionate nonsense in his gaze. "Perhaps see if Eren can use this 'original power' when you're both in human form? Considering the tension with the MP's right now, another Shift in front of them might not be the best move forward."

I chuckle, them both watching me very closely now.

"At least it would be moving forward instead of festering like this."

"Senefold..."

"No, no you're right Stumplestiltskin. We don't want the Unicorns to piss themselves, right?" I then nod and leave, the door almost slamming behind me before I storm down the corridor. No one stands in my way, in fact many jump out of the way. Perhaps I look a little testy now?

I cast my eyes down eventually, watching one foot pound in front of the other. I had never really considered any other conclusion beyond my parents being dead, it had never been an issue to me. It was like missing a sock. But now? I swallow hard and grit my teeth against the nostalgic thoughts, shaking my head and focusing on the present. This wasn't the time. It really wasn't the fucking time.

When I get to Armin's room, expecting to see Eren sleeping on the bed under the bookworm's watch, I find the door unlocked. I peer inside and see the bed looking slept in, but now vacant. At first I'm irritated because the kid can't have rested much at all, but then I see the extra bunching to the sheets up by the pillow. I enter the room and approach the bed, gently sitting down and tracing over that agitated material. Nightmares? I look at the pillow and see a small damp patch where the kid's eyes would have been. I can try to fool myself he drools in his sleep, but I reckon it's tears, angry and confused tears just like my own. I smooth out the bed and head out again, striding along the corridor as I seek the boys out.

Eventually I realise I don't have the first idea where I'm going, where would Eren have gone? My awareness of how things were being run around here was suddenly underlined as fucking lacking. I ask around and eventually I find myself heading outside into the compound, glad to have some fresh air but not so glad to be making my way through so many pouting Unicorns as they pack their shit up finally. I look around and eventually notice the Armin kid sat on a bench near the training rings. I head over and then hear a kind of fast grunting, my first instinct being to clear my throat and interrupt his sock worship, but then I realise it isn't him, it's Eren in the ring. Dressed in his uniform still, but now without straps and jacket, he's working with a training dummy and apparently needing to vent some frustrations. It was understandable, but the way his hands were steaming I had to guess it was also lucky he was a Shifter or else he might have only had stumps to punch with by now.

I head over and tap Armin's shoulder, meriting a small yelp of surprise and then bright blush under those sky blue eyes. Did this kid know how much he looked like a doll? Oh my god he looks like the little Princess herself. Oh I wish I hadn't noticed that. I blink and realise he's asked why I'm there, it having totally evaded my notice as I considered his feminine beauty. Dammit brain.

"Uh yeah... sorry... spaced out there for a second. Your hair looks really good today, Kid." I note and he frowns, about to ask what the hell I was blabbering about probably, so I push on regardless. "Was just wanting to see Eren but... well I don't think he's in the mood to talk?"

"Uh no... not really. He hasn't said much since he got into the ring, just muttering about his Dad and about Titans really."

"So not _that_ much different to normal?" I quip with a tilt of my head, sharing a knowing smile with the bookworm. He then chuckles and shakes his head, glancing to his childhood friend before back to me, worry clouding those bright eyes this time round.

"I think he's confused about whether to feel sad about losing his father, or guilty for what he did, or even angry about what Grisha put him through. Sorry... Mr. Jeager." He corrects with a small look of confusion, to which I prod between his brows.

"Considering what that Ass-Hat did? You can call him whatever the hell you want, Armin."

"Yeah, guess I can... seems so strange to know Dr. Jeager has done such a terrible thing, and that he's dead.." He murmurs, a quietness taking over that is only interrupted by Eren's ongoing tirade.

"Did you know him well?" I ask gently, the young man blinking and giving a small shrug.

"I spent so much time in that house but... it's rather surreal really." He mutters and sits back, clasping his hands and holding tight. "Seems like we can't trust anyone any more... first Annie, now Dr Jeager. What next?"

"Humans are bastards, Kid. It's the best assumption to make until someone proves you wrong."

"It's also rather cynical... then again it's also understandable considering your track record Miss Senefold." He says with a slow nod.

"Miss Senefold? Call me Alexia for the love of shitting sheep." I laugh and he blushes a little, nodding and looking to his hands. "Seems odd that you're the learned one here and yet sometimes you seem the least cynical. How've you managed that one?" I snort and he shrugs his shoulders again. I don't think I've ever seen such an intelligent person look so uncertain.

"I guess I've had a good run of meeting good people... most of my class are like family to me now. It's hardly a commodity I can take for granted." He sighs, looking back to the training ring when there's an especially irritated grunt from the present rage machine. It seemed so odd that this gentle blonde book-lover was a childhood friend of that green eyed rager. They'd grown up together and yet seemed like total opposites.

"You came from Shiganshina right?" I ask and he seems startled by someone asking about his past. Whoa hello hypocrisy train, what the hell was I _just_ getting pissy about with the Commanding Stump?! I shake my head. "Sorry kid, feel free to not answer."

"N-no it... it's fine, really. I just don't get asked very often I suppose. I um... yes, I came from Shiganshina with Mikasa and Eren. I didn't see as many horrors as they did but I'd already technically lost my parents before then." He swallows and seems uneasy. "Then my grandfather... he um... he was amongst those sent out to fight afterwards."

"Ah... the cull." I sigh and he nods, those hands now white along the knuckles. "Sorry kid. Guess people find it easy to overlook you when considering the Hope of Humanity and the Rabid She-Wolf."

"Do you mean Mikasa?" He asks with a confused blink, and when I give only a wink in response that blush returns and he gives a small chuckle. "Don't tell her I knew who you meant, all right? She means well... she's just..."

"A crazy obsessive mother-complex incestuous fuck-wad?"

"Well... those aren't the words I would use." He says, but I see how he fights back more chuckles as that blush brightens. "If I could ask, why the sudden interest in me?"

"Well I wanna look out for Eren, and it seems like you do as well. Seemed like a good plan to know who I'm working with." I say and then yawn. "Plus it can't hurt to get to know a few more people right?"

He turns to me properly and stares, an almost frown taking to his brow as he seems to study me. That innocent gaze is suddenly as intense as Golden Boy's, and I shift uneasily beneath it. What the hell was he looking at me like that for? Had a bird taken a shit on my face?

"Who'd have thought you'd ever say that..." He suddenly smiles and shakes his head. "Considering your words on that first night you were in the mess-hall... damn. Good to know people can also change for the better... if that is better. Is it?" By the end I can't be sure he's even talking to me, but then those eyes are back on me and he nods, suddenly looking determined. This kid's head worked too fast for me. "Glad to know you're sticking around, Alexia."

It's my turn to stare now.

What kind of conclusion was that?!

"Um... kid... I said nothing about-"

"What would be the point in finding out about a random person's backstory if you didn't intend to at least linger within their lives?" He says, looking back to the training ring as he speaks. My mouth feels dry. Was I as easily read as one of the many books sat next to this blonde genius? I sincerely hoped not, what a wayward read that would be.

"Oh hey... um Alexia... what're you doing here?" Eren's voice suddenly cuts in and I look to him with probably a rather dazed expression. He heads over, jumping over the training ring fence and then grabbing his water tankard. I blink and try to make my slack jaw kick into action again, feeling rather out of it after my talk with the old soul sat beside me.

"Hi Eren, I'm here to... well I'm here to see you really. You're fucking terrifying you know that?" I suddenly say to Armin and he almost smiles, the devil knew what he was doing the whole time didn't he? Damn he was a mini Golden Nugget wasn't he? Eren chuckles and glugs some more water.

"He's always been that for sure. How're you feeling?" Eren asks, sitting down on his haunches and tilting his head. He looks like a curious puppy when doing that.

"I'm doing okay, the Captain sorted my dumb ass out."

"Good." He smiles endearingly.

"What about you? Working through the morning's revelations by damaging the furniture?" I nod to the now rather mauled looking training dummy, looking more like it would be good training for medics by now. Eren glances back and then shrugs, his eyes a little dull when focusing back on me. "C'mon kid, don't shrug it off at me. I'm literally the one person here who's gonna understand to any kind of degree."

"I just... hell I don't know what I'm feeling. I hate him so much, and yet there's guilt over what happened. I can't stand it... feels like I betrayed my mother, and yet so did he." He sighs, scraping his hair back and suddenly looking a lot older as the world weighs down on him. I hear Armin also sigh and glance at him, those wise blue orbs focused on our mutual charge, presumably trying to think his way out of this. Unfortunately for the Brain Boy logic wasn't the best tool for any of this. Not that I knew what was instead of that, but I knew logic wasn't gonna do much.

"I don't think your mother would have seen what you did as a betrayal, Eren. After all, you only technically did it." I point out, and he slowly nods. "Plus whaddya mean he betrayed her? You remembered something else or..?"

"He left us. He never told us a damned thing!" He says, suddenly standing and looking very angry. "He clearly knew _something_ about the Titans, and yet we heard nothing of it. Nothing. What if he knew things that might have helped? That might have saved her... and yet he said nothing, just turning me into one and using himself as the means. It's... fuck, it's fucked up."

"Yes it fucking is." I agree, standing and then putting a hand on his shoulder, only now noting the slight tremble to his frame. The kid was trying, that much was clear. When his eyes finally roll up to meet mine, I see a new vulnerability there. His unwavering fight was cracking, his certainty left with a hinge falling off. "Neither I, nor you did this Eren. I can't quite convince myself of it yet, I'll likely be queasy for the next ten years of my life... but I know I didn't consciously decide to kill that man. But he did consciously decide to turn me into that monster, and offer himself as bait. That goes for your sick little shite-stack of a father. This wasn't your doing." I say it again and wait for him to look even slightly calmed.

"Yeah..." He breathes, it almost working. "Glad to know I'm not the only one feeling queasy." He says with a small smile sliding into place.

"Not at all, kid, not at all." I smile and ruffle his damp hair. "But hey, how would you feel about joining me in turning their bastardness against them?"

"W-What did you have in mind?" He asks, a small spark appearing in this green beacons. I lean in and sling my arm round his shoulder, us both turning to face Armin, to keep him in the loop. I look between them and narrow my eyes, them both looking a little wary now.

"I'm a little curious to see how this 'original power' works. Aren't you?" I tilt my head and then thankfully see a small smile appear on both their young faces.

"Yeah... I kinda am. You wanting to practise?" Eren asks, nudging me.

"Consider me your lab-rat Eren, and let's fuck up those bastard's plans." I grin at him and he nods, leaning in and hugging me. I'm surprised, but I hug the wee plum back, resting my chin on his head and looking to Armin. "You ready to help, Blondie?"

"Of course." He nods, already scribbling notes down in his book.

* * *

 **So there we go. Perhaps Mumma and Papa Senefold are alive? Perhaps Alexia will have to increase that daily ration of emotions. And perhaps her and Eren will begin to mess around with the 'original power' next time around! I would also like to highlight that yes, it will be my own interpretation of the 'original power' because that's how I'm doing most of this fic. And my others. If that's a problem for you... perhaps don't read fanfiction, but also sorry.**

 **Hope you all enjoyed reading, and I so dearly hope it was worth the wait!**

 **Thank you for reading, and please leave a favourite, follow and or review! See you next time m'dears!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **7dreamersscenarios: So glad to hear from you again! My new job is... well... as I said in my apology update, it's gone a litle skewy, but I'm dealing. I'm glad to know you have patience for delays and whatnot, I just can't help but feel guilty! I'm so glad the plot has you hooked, I always get frustrated when reading a fic with weak plot, takes the joy out of it. Your reaction to Alexia is basically the dream, i'm so glad you like her character as well as find her convincing, she is very quickly becoming my favourite. Hehe, thrilled to know the romance is convincing for you. It was a lot slower a burn than I intended, but really it had to be after the um... well... the brutality stuff... whoops? I hope the development of her reaction to the BIG REVEAL was fitting for you, and yeah it's likely going to play a big part of how she moves forward from now on. Thank you so much for another stellar review, you're a star in yourself! Hopefully see you again in a couple weeks, hopefully productivity doesn't leave me hanging again! Anyway, see you next time, and again THANK YOU!**

 **Grimm: Glad to know you're still here! Woohoo for amazing vacations, I feel like I might need a holiday sooner rather than later. Chained Wings will always carry on, I have everything planned out now... even the ending 0_0 dun dun duuuun. I'm thrilled you're still enjoying things, Erwin is creeping towards recovery yes, but I wanted to highlight the fact he is very much WEAKENED. Meghan is deffo creeping closer to insanity day by day, pressures and all that. But I'm glad I surprised you, gotta keep you on your toes! Have you found the Historia side of things connvincing? I am soooo not comfortable with writing her yet, and I'm anxious every time. Thank you for reviewing, for returning, and I hope you enjoyed the update!**

 **Freyja: Is this the Freyja from before? If so hello again! If not, apologies and welcome! Thanks for the small updates as you went along, it's always nice getting reacts fresh from people on separate chapters. I hope you've made it this far with all the waiting and I hope this update was worth it! Oh but can I ask, did I actually make you cry?! Thanks so much for reviewing and reading! Hope to see you next time!**

 **Penniewhistle: So glad to have someone come here from AO3, I am very sorry to have had to stop uploading on there but I don't get paid for this, and the reviews are really what keep me going. The community there is just so very quiet, whereas on here I regularly have amazing readers leaving such wonderful reviews. I'm honoured to know that i inspired you to begin writing your own fic, thats a big thing for me as an author, and I sincerely hope it all works out for you! I hope this update was worth the wait and I hipe you're still enjoying! Thanks for reviewing!**

 **Noxburry: I'm glad you liked drunken Alexia as much as I liked writing her, it was a ball to write her being like that. I actually wrote that speech after a couple cocktails myself, but thankfully I edited out all the spelling issues. Sorry I didn't update very soon, but I hope it was worth whatever wait you had to endure! Thank you for reviewing and I hope you're still enjoying!**

 **FuclingNotJoking: A love triangle would be so very very odd. But hey, I ain't ruling anything out. Glad you're enjoying and thanks for reviewing!**

 **Kitsmits: Your reviews were for early on chapters, but I hope you reach this far and find this! I'm thrilled you're enjoying my interpretation of Erwin, I'm finding writing him like this a challenge but a rewarding one to say the least! I am so amped that you've picked on that characterisation, thaaaank you! I enjoy writing the banter, so its brilliant to know people also enjoy reading it, haha! Thank you so much for posting your reviews as you went along, its so great to see that progression of a reader throughout a story! Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed the um... 'suggestive' scene in Chpt 3, I had a ball writing that one. And your review for Chpt 2 was so wonderufl, thank you so much! It's amazing to see someone be so convinced by a portrayal of one of my own characters, thank you so much for taking the time to highlight that. And you just called my work inspiring, well... that's 2017 off to an amazing start! Thank you so much for reviewing, and I sincerely hope you find this response!**

 **Durinsdottir (i hope i spelled that right): Again your reviews were early on, so I hope you reach this far and find my response to your reviews! I'm so thrilled you were immediately hooked, and yes I have done artwork for my works on here, but actually the cover-art is the only thing I've really done for Chained Wings. Most of the pics on my DeviantArt profile are for my other fic Red Burning Wings. I am planning on doing artwork for this fic but... well... time will tell I guess! My name on here is the same as Deviant art. I am kind of glad to have destroyed you in the best possible way? As long as you've got yourself back together again of course! And yes, the veeeeeeeeery slooooooow burn did eventually catch fire haha! Thanks so much for reviewing, I hope you continued to enjoy the fic as you went along, and I hope you're still here now. Thanks!**

 **Vesinir: You read it in one night? My god you're a masochist/speed reader! Thank you so very much for your kind words, its a thrill to meet a new reader and it means a lot, it really does! The comedy working on people is such a boon for me, I always worry it'll fall flat, but if I have you cracking up, then the fight is won ^-^ OH i inspired you to draw?! Awesome! I hope it goes well and I hope you're still here to enjoy the update!**


	35. Chapter 35

**YASSSS I'M INSIDE MY 3-4 WEEK PLAN. Boom! *ahem* sorry.**

 **Hello again readers :D an ON TIME update for you!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT, only Alexia Senefold, prickly pear that she is.**

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Stood on the training grounds I roll my neck and get ready. It was a weird set-up, no two ways about it. I'm opposite Eren and neither of us are armed, which in itself is quite a funny thought when considering we could both turn into rage-monsters. Well... one of us could. I can't be sure if I am actually capable of that again just yet, but for now we would make do with our smaller selves. Baby steps. I see him psyching himself up, and he's muttering a few things over at Armin who's frantically taking down notes as this strangeness goes on. For this to be training felt odd, I wasn't exactly doing much. So far I haven't felt anything, not even a hint of suggestion. But then Armin nods to me and I start to move forward like we had planned. We were taking this as slow as we could, partially because I think the power unnerved Eren in the first place, and partly because he was clearly worried about hurting me. Even that was probably partly because he feared what the Captain might do to him if I did get hurt. I feel a warmth inside of me at the thought but shake it off, now was the time to focus, not daydream. It was time to get this shit-show back on track, back under our control. Or Eren's.

"Okay Alexia, pick up the pace." Armin calls, and I walk faster, mind intent on reaching Eren. It's all I focus on. The boy in question shifts his weight, outstretches an arm, and seems to struggle with his own mind. I don't think it's going very well. I keep approaching nevertheless, not wanting him to be deterred by anything I did. I keep walking, he keeps trying. We keep waiting.

"Fuck!" Eren yells, jolting back and looking frustrated as he runs his hands through his hair, receding back a few steps. I slow my stride and look to Armin, wanting his take on this before I made a real move. But he seems as unsure as myself. The blonde shrugs and indicates my original spot. We'd keep trying. In a way I was glad the kid didn't have instant access to this power, it would likely be a heavy burden once it was activated. But then again, when weren't the burden's heavy in this world of ours?

"Take a breath, kid. We're in no rush." I call over to Eren. He nods but even from over here I can sense his waning confidence. He was still just a kid. "Look if you got it right first time you'd just be annoyingly brilliant like miniature Blondie here." I wink at Armin and the kid blushes brightly. At least Eren's smiling though.

"Yeah, yeah, get ready okay, Alex?" he calls, rubbing his hands together and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. It was an improvement at least. I give a thumbs up.

"You got it." I call over, getting ready like ordered to and then beginning my approach again.

This process repeats about five times without success. It's frustrating of course, but hardly surprising. A couple times Eren stuck at it until I was but a breath away. Poor kid really was giving it his all. Despite him not moving more than an inch or so, he has sweat on his brow and he's panting. He was giving it his all. I do nothing but try to encourage him, but really by this point even I am waning. It was good that Meghan wasn't seeing this, it was a small though definitive silver-lining.

As we reset again I look towards the building as I head back along the field. The HQ was beginning to light up, the sunset just beginning as the day started to yawn. In one window, a window I'm fairly sure housed Golden Boy's office, a couple figures linger by the glass. At least come outside to watch, you creepy bastards. I chuckle to myself as I take up my position again, but take a second to stick out my tongue towards said window. The broader silhouette bound to a chair shakes his head. Again I chuckle.

Then I feel it.

A tingling prickles at the base of my spine. It builds slowly, my muscles starting to ache and my mind groaning like it was a stone being dragged up a mountainside. Suddenly I want to turn and run away. No. That isn't what my body wants, it wants something else. It wants to go towards Eren. I frown and turn that way, seeing the determination in Eren's face. Was he annoyed that my mind had wandered? I try walking towards the building, but that need to go towards the kid burns along my spine. I grit my teeth. Fuck. I swallow hard and move one foot in front of the other, the figures at the window shifting about. Perhaps they could see this was happening, that the situation was changing? My foot suddenly retreats, angling my body oddly and making me lunge towards Eren a few steps. I growl and clench my hands into fists. This was wrong, this wasn't my will this was-

"Whoa! Alexia remember you're not meant to be fighting it just yet!" Armin yells, suddenly making my current struggle seem foolish. Of course I wasn't meant to be fighting the compulsion yet, this was just to help Eren. My instincts had simply taken over.

What a fool.

I nod and let go of the struggle, that warmth suddenly surging over my body and almost making me go entirely slack. It was like I was sleepwalking, my body numb to my own will. I head towards Eren, head lolling slightly as I withhold any of my own decisions. As I approach, I can see Eren panting, some sweat trickling down his head after the strain of fighting my will. Dammit Senefold you were meant to be helping the kid, not hurting him.

"S-sorry Eren..." I mumble, my tongue slack as it had no orders to obey. I sound like my mother.

I blink slow and stagger closer, always closer, and now I can see Eren coming back to himself. With the strain gone he could concentrate easier, focus on the task at hand. And I don't think he likes what he sees. He blinks and shakes his head, his lips seeming to mouth 'no'. The compulsion disappears. My whole body crumples and I'm face down in the dirt. Ow. It was like my puppeteer had gotten bored and dropped the strings, a faint groan leaves me.

"Alex!" the kid sounds so panicked.

I blink and look up from my rather comfy spot in the muck. I can't really move yet though. Hands roll me over so I can breathe without the bitter taste of earth, and I sigh as I'm on my back. The tingling sensation was receding again, bubbling along my spine and then vanishing altogether. Like it had never even been. I blink again and smile, though I don't think this lack of response is helping. But at this point I can't do much about that. I feel so light, so lost in this pool of nothing. If it wasn't so damned strange, it might have been pleasant.

"Alexia, can you hear us?" Armin appears over me, a big shining blonde coconut with the sunset making his hair look glittery. The poor boy didn't stand a chance, did he? I just nod slowly, but those bug blue eyes look worried and I feel him slap at my cheek. Kind of. It takes a couple more minutes, and by this point Levi has arrived and thrown a couple threats around the place. Slowly though, I come back to my senses and I manage to sit up. All right, I manage to sit up with Eren helping a little. Or a lot, depending on how you want to see the situation.

"Nngh... that was... odd..." I conclude eloquently, rubbing the back of my neck and sighing. Slowly the sensation was returning to my body and by fuck does my chin hurt now.

"I'm so sorry, Alex! I didn't mean to just stop it." Eren looks panicked still, but I just shake my head at him and wave a dismissive hand.

"I said... ghn... I said consider me your lab-rat Eren, so quit apologising to me. Squeaky squeak squeak." I chuckle and rub my jaw. He doesn't look very happy though. I sigh and press between his brows. "Sorry about fighting you there, kid. I didn't mean to resist... instinct and all that." I shrug my shoulders, blushing a little all the same. The kid just shakes his head though, still looking me over with concern in those big green eyes. Thunder rolls far off.

"You okay, though? You just totally hit the dirt, like someone had turned you off or something. I didn't think that would happen." Eren bites his lip, glancing behind me to where I assume Levi is glowering. "Maybe we shouldn't keep going, doesn't look like it's doing you any good, Alex."

"Am I suddenly made of glass?" I sigh, getting my ass off the floor and brushing myself down. Whoa head-rush. I pinch the bridge of my nose and wait a couple seconds before blinking. The kid is looking down meekly, but I then look behind him to where Levi has stepped into view. He has challenge in his eyes.

"You're not made of glass, woman, no. But you are human." He says with a roll of his eyes, but even in this muddied state I manage to catch sight of that quick wink. Then I flinch as I hear a flare far off, that never boded well. But when I look over that way, no one else having heard if apparently, I don't recognise the colour. The fuckery did orange mean?

"What's that one for?" I murmur, tilting my head but then sensing a change in tone around me. I look at them, but all three are just as stony faced as each other. It really didn't suit the two young ones. "Well c'mon then... someone spit it out."

"Brass." Levi says with a click of his tongue soon following. "I have a feeling our resident Wench got word out."

"Oh..." I mumble, looking back to the stain on the sky. "Shit."

"Alexia stay here, out on the field please. Jeager? Stay with her." Levi then nods to us and walks away, heading for the front of the compound with a lot of purpose on those shoulders. I swallow hard and wonder what might come from this.

"Is um... is a visit rare? Surely they check-in now and then? And they could be checking on Golden Boy right? Good faith and all that? I know I've been here a while but..." my voice trails away as I see the worry etched into both young faces. It didn't matter how much I rambled, it didn't change the fact that, no, apparently this wasn't good news. Judging from their expressions it was very, very bad.

Me and Eren do as told but as more time slips by I feel more and more anxious. The hell was going on over there? The brass had come mumbling in, but for what purpose? Ignorance was bliss, but in this form of it was torture. I pace around and despite the thoughtful bringing of tea and food via Armin, I can't sit still. My eyes keep being dragged back to that window, but now I don't see any silhouette. The sun begins to set properly and I feel like my heads going to explode if we don't find out something soon. Was Meghan getting out? How had she even got word to the Brass so damned quickly? What did this mean for the regiment? With any luck this 'visit' was only about my sorry ass and the rest of the Scouts would be left alone. They'd had enough upheaval lately. I stall. My thoughts confusing me until I'm distracted by a familiar squawk. Seemed the Banshee was free to fly again.

"Dammit." I sigh, glancing at Eren who's eyes are fixed in the direction of the HQ. I steel myself, presumably the woman had gathered herself a bit since stabbing me, or else the Brass really had upped their 'turn a blind eye' approach. As the collective footsteps march closer I smooth my hair back and ensure the bleached streak is tucked back behind my ear. I couldn't hide it, but I could at least keep the damn thing tidy.

"Alexia Senefold." I don't recognise the voice, but I just slowly turn and nod my head. There was no harm in putting my poised foot forward, that left my angry one room to swing if needed. I see a big bunch of stuffed shirts, and the Wench herself. Their faces disinterest me and I just stare at her, watching those dark eyes in case she suddenly went for another attack.

"Kindly respond to your name, soldier." Meghan says with a small smirk slipping into place. Apparently it didn't matter that she had been locked up only a short while ago, her arrogance bounced back like persistent weeds. I blink and tilt my head.

"I already did, I nodded, generally that's considered a response."

"I meant verbally." She snarls between her teeth and I catch sight of a few frowns being aimed at her. Careful cousin, the Brass wouldn't like your crazy up-close. I nod again and smile sweetly.

"Then perhaps say what you mean in future, I'm sure it would avoid so many misunderstandings. Yes, I am her, Alexia Senefold, present and accounted for. How may I help you on this fine evening?" I purr and I watch Eren do a double take. Poor kid, he'd never seen my play-acting before. The old men look amongst themselves, whiskers bristling and slack lips plapping about in hushed whispers. Oh dear, had I confused them by now being myself? It wasn't all that surprising though. It must be very difficult to act flexible when you have such a large rod stuck up your ass.

"We have been informed that you refused to comply with our correspondent," said one man with a particularly pinched face. I looked at him and saw all the signs of too many rich meals and not enough life being lived. Those sunken lines in his face indicated that he wasn't actually that old, he was just that damned stagnant.

"Informed by that same correspondent I suppose?" I say with a small nod to the wench herself. The man nods and I smile as pleasantly as I can whilst imagining her choking on her own tits. "Well then, has it ever occurred to you that this same correspondent might not be as reliable as you claim? I only refused to comply because she barged in here with rather outlandish claims. She made no attempt at working _with_ us, simply bullying this regiment to her will." I explain with a small nod afterwards, nearly bowing to their pretension simply because I knew it might make their thick skulls pause for long enough to listen to what I'm saying. More murmuring bumbles around them and I can hear the hot air building between the woman's pouting lips.

"She directly disobeyed me and the family, gentlemen you know the punishment for this." Her voice cracked though, and I knew she felt ungrounded. It wasn't much, but it was a start. "She was testing that damned power you've all been warned about. The foolish woman did it without even knowing what it could do."

"Then tell me." I retort sharply, and those old eyes collectively turn cold towards me. Dammit, I wasn't built for this bullshit, this was Stumple's area of expertise. "How can you expect Commander Smith to manage his regiment if you won't even keep him fully informed?"

"We don't." Meghan chuckles and that glint to her eye makes me feel cold.

What had she done now?

I look past her shoulder and see a group slowly moving towards the front of the compound. I hear wheels on gravel. Then I catch the glint of a wheelchair.

"Erwin Smith is going to be tried for his crimes against the people, as well as the royal family. Don't worry, he won't be getting in your way for a long time... if ever again." Meghan notes with a small shrug.

More uncomfortable mumbles go around the stupid group, but now I realise it isn't disgust, or even disdain. All they're bothered about are their precious secrets getting out of their grimy hands. Fuck this. I push past them and head across the compound, the group sees our approach and they slow down. Soon enough, I'm under the shadow of the HQ as thunder rolls around a few miles away, but it was definitely getting closer. I can hear a stern conversation going on amongst the group before me, and as I get closer I'm glad to hear Levi is the one speaking. He's trying his best, but his words do nothing. They crash upon deaf ears like rain upon a rock.

"Senefold, don't get involved." I hear Golden Boy speak and his eyes look dangerous, yet that tone wasn't nearly as commanding as it should have been. There was far too much pleading in that voice for my liking. Where was my intimidating bastard when I needed him? I look down at him and see those eyes flicker to desperate for a moment's moment. It was wrong.

"Afraid I'm gonna have to go back to old habits, Brows, I can't follow that order." I say and I give the men pushing the wheelchair along, as well as surrounding it, a cold look. They do at least hesitate. "I'd suggest you don't follow yours either, gentlemen."

"We're to take Smith back to Sina."

"I also suggest you put 'Commander' back where it's meant to be." I snarl, grabbing one of their arms and squeezing till the rat squeaks. " _Commander_ Smith, isn't going anywhere. This regiment has fought too hard for too long to be brought down by a formality."

"My imprisonment was more than a formality, Senefold." says Meghan, suddenly in close proximity to me again. Heat runs along my skin but I swallow it down, still gripping the wriggling soldier's arm when I glance over my shoulder to her. "Let go of that soldier and back away. Smith is going to-"

"Commander." I hiss, and she sets her lips into a thin line, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Very well, for the short time he retains that title... _Commander_ Smith is going to be given a proper trial, and a proper stage upon which to explain himself." She says, and her flaking entourage all nod. Behind them the clouds are beginning to gather. I let go of the soldier and turn to her properly, feeling all eyes on me and not caring about any but hers.

"And is that stage made of wood?" I ask, and she wrinkles her nose.

"What're you jabbering about, Senefold?"

"Is the stage going to be made of wood? Is there going to already be a noose around his neck and a platform beneath his feet? This man's neck has already been on the line for Humanity for too fucking long..." I growl, storming over to her and glowering. "So you can take that rigged stage and shove it." I see a tremble, but the woman doesn't yield. She wasn't that easy now that she'd had time to calm herself down.

"You do love to be dramatic." Meghan says, grinning again. "But no matter how hard you try to say otherwise, we are fair to our people. We know what Commander Smith has done for the people of the wall... and now he must explain why he so blatantly strayed from orders."

"Bullshit. You just want him inside the walls where you can do away with him and then print some crappy excuse in your newspapers. Keep the people informed on shit and they'll breathe it in as if it were flowers."I look away from her to the other men present. "You know very well that Commander Smith has only ever wanted to seek out Humanity's freedom. Let's not beat around the bush here, that's why you want rid of him."

"My, my, we are feeling paranoid today, aren't we?" Meghan chuckles and a soft rain starts to fall. I glance up at the weeping sky and feel that icy touch against my face. Clarity rings in my head in that moment and I slowly look back to her, to my so-called relative. I lean in.

"He's getting close isn't he?"

"That isn't the issue here." Meghan snaps, a little too quickly.

"Senefold..." I hear my captain warn and then I lean back a little.

Holy shit that was it wasn't it? That was what had changed and that was why Golden Boy was suddenly seen as such a threat. I had started working _with_ him. I dunno when they figured the shift had happened, but clearly they had. Not only did Golden Nugget have a loyal regiment now, not only did he have a way of persuading people to his whims, and not only did he have Humanity's Strongest in his arsenal... Now he had a Titan. No. Now he had two. But I really knew what I was doing with the ability, already I was well-practised. It was me, I was the problem here. This was hardly a new standing in life, but I can't deny I feel a little foolish for not having seen it sooner. _Why don't you just run away?_ When I look back to the Commander himself I see the confirmation. Shit. Their target wasn't meant to be him. He was... well he was a bastard coated in bastard at times but... deep down under the shittery he was a good man. This wasn't meant to be how he ended; broken, weak and carted away to be dangled before a demented populace. No.

"If I leave..." I start but then have to pause and swallow a shudder down, my hands clasping tightly at my sides. Meghan's head tilts and she leans in slightly.

"What did you say?"

"If I leave, will you let him go?" I whisper, no one else hearing and her eyes seem to flash with intrigue. "I know that's the problem right? You're only intimidated by Erwin now because he has two titans you can't control." I snarl at her and in the end my face is less than an inch from hers, our noses are practically touching. Her eyes narrow.

"You think I'll accept that?" She snorts and I growl, baring my teeth.

"Then just what _do_ you want?"

"I want him and you dead, none of these fools seem to realise how dangerous you both are. I will personally see to it that you both perish." She chuckles darkly and I swallow hard, looking to the side where I see Levi moving closer. He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to help. I look back to Meghan and feel that heat again, it's building up in my chest and I feel it spread down to my hands. They tingle.

"None of them see it? Just you with all the genius?" I hiss and she nods.

"I will be your doom, Alexia."

"Nope, you'll be your own." I snap and suddenly her eyes go wide.

Arrogant to humble.

Sneering to wincing.

Royal to corpse.

Alive to dead.

The whole world stops for those few precious moments.

I see everything like it was as locked in crystal as that blonde bitch who started this royal mess. My fingers felt the contrast of that cold crystal as it formed a blade, coating them in razored glitter that I quickly flick upwards. It slices into her skin so easily, without a single sound other than that small gasp that escaped her throat. I feel her blood lavish the blade. It dribbles down my arm as her eyes change from wide and confused, to wider still and panicked. The light quivers in her gaze, eyes suddenly unsteady as she seeks help. But none can be found. In the second it has taken for this to happen, everyone else is still figuring out what _had_ happened. They're only just noticing the pointed end of my dark crystal protruding from the base of her skull, dripping in her gore and spinal fluids. I reckon if I moved my hand in either direction, that pompous head of Meghan's might just fall off entirely. But I don't. Instead I just retract the hand and hear another gasp, only this one is choked. She gags on her own life, drowning in it as I feel the crystal melt away, and now my fingers flex. They're sticky with her tainted blood. I'm only returning the favour after all, she stabbed me, so now I stabbed her. The big difference being she won't heal, she won't be able to simply change out of those bloodied clothes and carry on. And of course, whilst I knew she was a villain, and I was surprised by her rash actions, this is something she never considered me capable of. Of course she hadn't. In her arrogant world nothing could really touch her. Not her. Not part of the gilded world that was the royal family. And yet when I look down at that wound, another second having slipped past us, I don't see blue blood. Nope. It's as red and simple as the rest of us.

That's gotta sting.

"Is this interesting enough for you?" I growl, remembering all those times she cackled as her men hurt me, as they cut me, as they tortured me. _I knew you'd be an interesting one._ Her sickeningly happy words run around my mind. But her eyes now dull. Her choking rises whilst she falls. A couple of her puppets move in to hold onto her, to feebly hold cloth to her throat and 'help'. I might not know much about this world, or about myself, but I know how to kill a dog.

"Holy shit..." Eren eloquently sums up as this hushed panic continues in front of us.

I straighten up and swallow hard, a lump in my throat. Only I'm not upset for her, fuck no, I think I'm getting blubbery because I know I need to run. It wasn't idle accusations now, I was legitimate in my murdering. They really did have a reason to hunt me. I look at my hand and watch the last few shards of crystal fall away, somehow that kill hadn't been nearly as satisfying as it should have been, but then again I'd have likely have needed a week's worth of time to accomplish that.

"Alexia... what... what have you..." words seem to fail the Commander and I turn to him with as composed an expression as I can muster. I think that might make it worse. He winces back slightly, hand going to his stump absent-mindedly. Yeah, it was funny wasn't it Golden Boy? I used that same crystal to hold your wound closed, whilst I used it to also open Meghan up.

"I killed the deranged lunatic who wasn't gonna stop till we were both dead, the Scouts were gone, and Humanity was permanently buried under royal shite. That's what I just did G-Golden Boy, or weren't you paying attention?" I half-laugh, half-sob and his expression turns pained for a second. I turn back to the group of tiny old men, the ones holding the strings, or at least very close to those that did. I had one more thing I had to do, before they sounded the alarm. I glance at Levi and he frowns, hopefully he caught my wink though. "I'm sick of you Wall bastards telling me what to do, and frankly I'm sick of everyone assuming I'm a team player now. Do I really need to make the point clearer by cracking your skull open too?!" I yell at Erwin, and despite the fact I know it'll likely be explained to them later, the way both Armin and Eren recoil makes me ache.

Meghan's gargles die away.

"You're not going anywhere, Senefold. To think we trusted you." Levi barks, a blade in his hand already and not a tremour in sight. There's my captain. Erwin frowns for a split second but then gives a small nod and bares his teeth.

"You don't fight for anyone but your own damned self! How dare you bare our name! You're no Scout, you're not even human, dammit! Captain, arrest her!" He yells, pointing that remaining hand at me in accusation. I crouch down and spin, turning to bolt across the compound again, back towards the border where I had been sent for protection not so long ago. I try to think, but right now I'm just running.

"Stay put and guard the Brass Brats, I'll put the bitch down!" I hear Levi yell before I hear his stride coming after me. Tears burn at my eyes but I keep running, I plunge into the trees and keep going, my pace slowing slightly to ensure he could catch up with me.

By the time he does? We're deep into the woods and the light fades to nought but dim shadow. I gasp as my eyes blear completely and finally I feel him catch up, he tackles me to the ground and we tumble across the undergrowth. He pins me when I'm on my back and I feel his grip like a couple of steel vices. But his hands are trembling.

"Dammit, brat why did you... we could have... you should've..."

"Lev-"

My words are smothered by his lips, melting into an incoherent sob that burns as the kiss deepens. I claw at his back, biting at his lower lip and sucking on his tongue. He pushes me further into the fallen leaves, his hands all over me. Confusion rules and the thunder roars above us. It's violent. When we're not clamouring for each other to get closer, we seem to be simply hitting each other back. I roll us and scramble to my feet, backing up as I try and get a grip on this situation. I pant hard, already tasting iron in my mouth. The thunder peals, only now it's right above us. The heavens open and a torrential rain filters down.

"It was the only way." I say, voice raw, blending with the ongoing storm.

He paces towards me, but I keep shifting back and round, avoiding him getting too close. I can't think when he's too close, I can't consider anything but pulling him closer. He knows what he's done to me, and in turn I know what I've done to him.

"Dammit Alex I know it was... I just wish I'd thought of it sooner." He growls and I straighten up with a strained laugh escaping me. His eyes flash towards me, but I don't back away from that anger. He advances and I let him, he pushes me back against a tree and I feel bruising form over my back and head. "You should have let me-"

"Throw your life away? Not fucking likely is it, Levi?" I breathe and he bares his teeth, slamming his fist into the trunk by my head. "Well done on playing your part though. At least now you can do it humanely." I breathe, kissing his cheek.

He goes very still.

The rain softly pitters and patters against the surrounding trees.

Slowly he leans back and stares at me hard, those eyes slowly widening.

"You... you ran in here simply so I could kill you quickly? Without an audience?"

"I can do it myself if you don't want to." I whisper, swallowing the hitch that threatens to break. He blinks and shakes his head. "I can't keep running, Levi. You said it yourself." I feel some tears brewing, but I try and keep them at bay. He shakes his head, hand cupping my face now as he pants. He looks like he's trying to think his way out of this.

"Please Alex I... I can't do that."

"You don't have to, like I said, I-"

"No! I can't w-watch you do that. Not after everything we've survived."

"Then what do you want from me?" I ask, and he just keeps shaking his head. "Levi, if you don't return soon they'll send MP's in here. You know they will."

"I... I can't watch you be chained again." He says, hanging his head and I look up to the canopy. The cold of the rain soothes me slightly, but it brings me no closer to what he wants. "I can't do that. Please? Run?" He begs finally, and for a moment I wonder if he'll go to his knees.

"Levi I... you want me to run away?"

"Yes."

"You want me to leave you all with this mess instead?" I shake my head now, it being my turn to disbelieve his words. He cups both my cheeks and nods, his eyes lighter than ever as he clutches at straws.

"We did well to cover tracks, they'll think you fled of your own accord." He straightens up and holds his head high. "But you have to give me some marks, it has to look like we fought."

"Levi I don't like this... they could just turn on you." I stay against the tree, my body starting to quiver from a mixture of cold and loss of adrenaline. He grits his teeth.

"They won't, they'll be too damned distracted by your missing status to do anything but depend on us. I'll come to the woods when it's safe. I'll-"

"Don't you dare put yourself in danger like that." I slap his hand away when he reaches for me. His expression clouds to anger. I grit my teeth.

"What you want this to be it? To be the end of everything that's fucking happened?" He demands angrily, and I groan and shake my head.

"No! Of course not, I just... ugh I don't know what we're meant to do any more. The second I get some fucking traction is the same second I'm thrown off course again. I was training with Eren, we were going to figure out his power... I... you and me..." I crouch down and tangle my hands in my hair, it was all slipping away too fast.

And then I laugh, the rain sinks into my clothing and chills me, but I laugh a little nonetheless. I look up and his expression questions enough without words.

"And to think... this would have been such a godsend to me before. D-dammit Levi what have you done to me?" I shudder, half-laughing again and half-sobbing. He sighs and kneels down in front of me, running a hand through my hair before leaning his forehead to mine.

"Exactly the same thing that you've done to me, Brat. I hate it as well but... you have to go. Just... give me a couple things to remember you by?" He asks and I know what he wants. I slowly raise my head and he smiles softly, nodding and then closing his eyes.

I pause and stare. A few raindrops roll down his face and clinging to his dark hair. A few even gather in his dark lashes. I stare for a couple seconds, wanting to know that face well for the lonely time to come. Would it be ten days, ten months, or another ten years? I swallow hard and lean in to gently press my lips to his, its chaste and sweet, nothing like us, but sealing all the same. I lean back and sniff. Perhaps this would be the best conclusion, returning the world to a semblance of what it once was. Maybe he'd forget me, maybe someone else would catch his particular eye and set his heart calm. That would be the kindest way.

I then lean back and smack my head against his, he recoils with a grunt and lies there, nose already bleeding. But he waits, all too willing for me to continue. I kick his side, I slap his face, I boot his spine and claw his neck. He rolls and stands up, swaying slightly already, not bracing as I continue the barrage. But as blood bursts from his lip, and bruising appears over his skin, I slow down and sniff. I can only do so much. It was strange to think I had wanted to kill him at one point.

"Is... is that enough? Tell me it's enough." I plead, and he nods, looking down at his now torn uniform and bashed up body. He didn't heal like I did, he'd have the memories for a good couple of weeks. He then turns to a tree and punches it a few times. At first I think he's just having some kind of deranged macho melt-down. But no. He then brandishes his bloodied and torn knuckles to me and shrugs, the illusion was complete.

"Now run Alexia... run as fast as you can, and don't you dare look back." He says, it ending in a threatening growl.

I nod and recede, step by step increasing the distance between us as I slip into the shadows of the forests. From here I'd be able to reach wall Rose, and from there I'd be able to make it to my hovel. Only Levi knew where it was, and only Levi knew that was where I'd be. I wave and he does the same, before starting to jog bag towards the compound.

"Damn you Senefold!" He yells, laying it on thick for our Unicorn foes. "You filthy bitch! I swear I'll find you, I'll end you!" He roars, and I know he'll keep going till the MP's come to drag his supposedly feral self back to the compound.

The storm swells around me and I give one last choked sob before turning tail and running. This time feels different though. The first time I ran away from the walls society I was an angry kid rejecting her apparently unloving parents. Now? Now I was a human mess fleeing from an even bigger human mess. My parents were now a big mess of a grey area in my mind, I had people here I cared about, I had people here I had been foolish enough to love. This time I wasn't just running away for freedom, this time I was running away for freedom whilst tearing myself in two. D-Dammit all.

For the first time since being captured I was technically free.

For the first time I found myself wishing for chains.

* * *

 **DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN. Alexia is leaving?! Guess you'll have to find out what happens in about 3-4 weeks 0_0 Sorry, I am rather mean at times.  
**

 **Hope you enjoyed the update and thank you so very much for reading! Please leave a fav, follow and or review, I love to hear from you all. See you soon-ish!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **Grimm: I tried to portray the original power without giving too much away, did it work? Her parents are more of a... sub-plot if you will. A part of her that she had always denied, scratched off as unimportant and part of the reason she had so easily turned away from Humanity. So really, them possibly being alive/having sacrificed themselves for her all that time well... it was mainly just to make her do a double-take. They dont have to be useful to be important after all ;) she has plenty on her plate... but then again now... maybe less so haha! Thanks so much for reviewing, I love knowing your reactions! I hope you enjoyed the update!**

 **Vesinir: Haha I'm glad you liked that line, I was rather pleased with it myself. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

 **ChrisHLynn: Thank you for the praise! I'm also thrilled that you think the characters are on point, I always endeavour to follow that line between developing them and keeping them believable. Yay! Thanks for the favourite, I'm glad you're addicted :P sorry, but I am. Any review is a review worth having, and I love knowing reactions in any form! Thanks for taking the time to check-in and I hope this chapter was up to standard for you!**

 **Niumnium (sorry if i misspelt that): Yay, the French Reader, haha! I'm happy you're still here to review, I hope you enjoyed this update as well! Thank you so much for the praise and for taking the time!**

 **Chrissykinz6: You only reviewed like... a couple hours ago, and I think you followed so welcome to the clan! Hehe, glad to have you and thanks so much for reviewing. You have very good timing as well, you didn't even need to wait long before the next update haha! Although now it will be about 3-4 weeks, but still. Thanks for the praise and I'm glad you're enjoying!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hello! Don't worry, this isn't an excuse thing this time! Everything is on track to being updated on time. Flight From Darkness on the 7th, Chained Wings on the 14th and Red Burning Wings... *does the maths* on the 19th. All on course for now, so don't worry, this is a happy announcement! I think... I hope?**

 **ANYWAY...**

 **I have recently (in the past couple days in fact) started up an instagram account under the same username as on here and Deviant Art etc. so if you feel like checking it out/getting in touch blah blah blah, go ahead and look me up! Frantastic1993 uploading now! Just trying to get more involved with the online writing community to be honest, and thought I'd let you, my lovely readers, know!**

 **Which leads me onto my other news... argh I'm so nervous about announcing this properly. I mentioned AAAGES ago that I had started another personal project, and now it's starting to actually get somewhere. Basically it's a conversion of my Red Burning Wings fic into entirely my own work. I hadn't really thought of doing this in the beginning, but a while back when I hit 250,000 words (ridiculous) I decided I should really try to use those words for something more than this. Not that I don't still love doing fanfiction of course, and I will continue to upload and all that as normal! But I didn't want all that content, which is my own, to simply remain in this domain. Make sense?**

 **It's a lengthy process as I'm changing from 1st to 3rd person, entirely changing all AOT characters into my own ones, changing the basic set-up and setting, the gears all changed of course, and a whole bunch else. My masochism knows no bounds. The two things remaining fundamentally the same are the skeleton of the plot (and I mean skeleton, things are changing all over the shop, but for story reasons rather than legal - for the most part the plot is entirely my own anyway), as well as Robyn Sanshi herself. As of course, she is my own character entirely. So essentially I am turning Red Burning Wings into a piece of writing 'inspired' by Isayama's awesome work, rather than based within it. The title is going to be changed as well, but bugger knows to what!**

 **It's really scary making this public knowledge, but really I wanted you guys involved, my awesome readers who have supported me across the board. At some point I might also branch out into a blog or something as well, but for now, this will do or else my head might explode.**

 **Okay so there it is, my big announcement. Let me know your thoughts, and I hope to see some of you on instagram!**

 **Frantastic1993 out!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi guys! A whole day early, whoop! You proud of me... *cricket noises*... well fuck it, I'm proud of me. Anyway! Another update in the shebacke of Alexia Senefold's life, also a wee Levi section for you :D hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT (anyone else caught up with the manga...?)**

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

I watch the wagons pull out.

Finally the shitty-bastards had left.

Eventually a couple MP's had had the courage, or the orders, to head into the woods. They found me easily. I was yelling loud enough just for that reason, not to mention I had to burn through some of this fucking mess in my head. Having watched her slip away so easily, it wasn't something I could easily brush off. Just when I thought I was getting some footing in this world, it tilts all over again. When those pathetic weasels found me, it took hardly any persuading to explain what had happened. Their eyes never left my bruises, my wounds. Yeah, you're right, not many people could land a hit on me. Be afraid bastards, be very afraid. She wasn't to be messed with. I went back with them, suitably irate and acting my part, but I was a little torn on returning. Erwin looked reservedly pleased with my act, but the two cadets were irritatingly convinced. Jeager and Artlet were in bits. It was a credit to her work at fooling them, and a compliment to my own facade, but it stung to know they could question her so easily.

Then again, I had in the beginning as well.

My various scrapes and bruises ache, and I focus on that for the time being. The pain was something I could rely on, something constant.

I wait till the wagons are out of sight before I head inside. Thankfully no one speaks to me, no one would dare at this point. Not only do I look like hell, I'm likely radiating it off me. Whilst I'm glad of the solitude, it feels like any progress I made towards feeling human was just smashed. I'm just the Captain again, just Humanity's Strongest. If that's still true, though? Humanity is fucked. I'm just a soldier, in a box waiting to be nailed shut. Shit.

Damn these evasive eyes. Either they believe the stories and think she's a traitor, or they know the truth and mourn her loss. Fuck. She isn't dead dammit, she's just... she's just gone into hiding. It was the right thing. It _is_ the right thing. It's the only choice that gave her any kind of chance. That gave any of us a chance. Now the Brass would be so wound up in the illusion we had turned on her, that they'd leave us alone to brood. They knew our history. They knew our love of justice. They'd assume us keen to hunt her down for them, the lazy bastards wouldn't lift a finger. They never did if they could help it. My footsteps echo along these damn corridors, the whole place seems empty. A wasted husk. I bark at a couple cadets to get the floors mopped again, damn mud was everywhere. It was all a damned mess.

"Captain Levi!"

My hand hovers half-way to my door-handle, and I grit my teeth. Duty first, right? It had to be important if someone had called to me now. I lower my hand and turn, mask in place. The cadet runs up and salutes. I just nod, unable to speak as I try and dissipate this fucking lump in my throat. They'd said it, right? Captain. Not human right now.

"The major is still here," they pant, but I just wait with my frown in place. They'd explain further if they knew what was good for them. Major? What fucking major? "He wants to speak to you and the Commander, before he leaves with the rest of the MP's, sir. Sorry, sir," they add with a small dip of their head. I appreciate the sentiment despite how it makes my chest clinch. I nod and head along towards Erwin's office, I can only assume this 'Major' had the decency to address us in there. If not, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't lose what little composure I was gathering with each echoed step.

"Thank you for joining us, Levi," Erwin greets me when I enter, and I nod to him. He doesn't look happy. I head over to stand next to him in order to face this 'Major'. But I don't recognise him at all. All MP's looked the same to me these days, mangy mongrels with tails between their legs. They were nothing. Especially now.

"Captain," the man nods to me and I return it, albeit less enthusiastically. "We appreciate the lengths you went to in order to try and contain the fugitive. I am sorry you had to be hurt in the process." She has a name you bastard. My bruising aches, the blood had congealed into my brow and along my jaw, but I just nod again. "As a regiment we are glad to know that that Scouts, and Humanity's Strongest, are back on our side. We have a common enemy now, and we should not allow ourselves to be distracted by anything else until she has been apprehended."

Apprehended? We're not the doe-eyed public you fucking waste of air, we know what you mean. You don't want her in chains, you want her in bits right?

Or perhaps the sick fucks want to torture her some more?

"We have much to do, Major, please get to your point," Erwin presses, earning some gratitude from me. At the best of times, I don't have time for this political placation shit. Every movement of those pale lips makes me want to grab his oiled hair and slam this MP bastard's face against this desk, beat him till he was a pulp, till she could come home and I could forget this feeling. My hands slowly curling into fists, soon warm again as I split the dried blood on my knuckles.

"Indeed, Commander, sorry. With the skill of the fugitive's Titan form, we have to deduce that, despite his emotional attachment known to many in the higher-ups, Captain Levi will be essential to taking the fugitive down," the man says with brows knitted together. He isn't happy about it, and frankly neither am I. A coldness runs along my spine. I suppose I should have expected it, but somehow I'd already started to hope that I might be left out of this witch-hunt. It was fairly common knowledge now that I was involved with her. So why risk my involvement in capturing her? Oh right, I was an unfeeling tin-soldier right? Erwin sits forward a bit.

"I had hoped to remove my Captain from this scenario, after all-" I appreciate the effort Commander, I really do, but you and I both know it isn't going to work. The Major holds up his hand, his soft hand. Could he even spell Titan?

"It has been decided, sir. I spoke to the council before they left. I'm sure you'll receive official word of it soon enough. Whenever the mission to the plains is planned, and the apprehension of the fugitive is put into motion, we require that Captain Levi be present. We have read the reports ourselves, and indeed heard the accounts of those from missions. No one else has his skill-set. He has been described as too fast to see."

Well that just didn't make any fucking sense.

I'm not actually a flea you sack of shit.

I just grind my teeth as this idiot continues.

"Considering the fugitive's speed, skill, and technique with crystal, we can only deduce that a mission without him would be folly."

"Fine." I say, cutting Erwin off and hopefully ending this bullshit. The Major blinks and looks to me finally, and I know he's unnerved by my stare. Very few people could withstand my lacking fucks given, one of them had just fled the building. It was easy to tell his balls were shrinking. "When the mission happens, I'll be there to help take her down. My attachment is immaterial anyway. She's a traitor to Humanity and the Scouts, I have no issue in helping." I nod and then glance to the Commander. "May I go?"

"Yes, Captain, thank you for your co-operation. I don't believe the Major needed you for anything else," his gaze is fixed on the intruder and I can only assume he got a nod in response when he looks to me instead. "Go about your business, Captain, thank you for attending."

I nod and leave.

They wanted me to help track her, find her, kill her.

I'd play along, but I wouldn't help them butcher her, in fact I'd do everything I could to avoid finding her. Whatever it took. I wasn't about to let her down again. Not now. Not after I'd finally got the courage to say those damned words. Then again, look at all the good it had done. Not much.

I get to my office and immediately lock the door, I don't want the outside world to have access right now. But then I can't move. I stand there gripping the handle and the key, a tremor running through me and sinking into my bones. This wasn't right at all. It was the only choice, yeah, but it _wasn't_ right. I was a fool to think otherwise. I swallow hard and rest my head against the door. Movement rumbles around beyond; cadets dutifully cleaning, and others moving past whilst avoiding the clean patches. It continued like normal. Like nothing had changed. Like the life hadn't just been dragged out of this place and slunk into the forest.

I grit my teeth.

There was still work to be done, there was still time to make this right and bring her home. I jolt. That word again. I back away from the door, staring at it like it was the one that just said that stupid remark. Home? Damn my arrogance. Where the hell was her home anyway? I couldn't claim it as this place, I mean we dragged her here in chains and forced her into submission, right? I glance over at the door that led to my bedroom, and I feel a sickness settle in my gut. That might be how it began, but that wasn't how she left it. That wasn't how she left here.

She came here a prisoner, she left here a... a... I don't know what.

That face.

My knees quake.

When she backed away into those shadows, waving and clearly withholding tears, dammit she didn't want to go. I know that. I know it as well as I know how cold that bed is going to seem. That face had spoken of a want to stay, I _know_ it did, that couldn't be denied. Doubt wasn't something I was going allow myself, it was a selfish indulgence that I'd push aside. I know she wanted to stay. Yet that sickness lingers. I head over to sit down behind my desk. My chair creaks as I land in it heavily, not able to hold myself up any more. Maybe I was still human.

I know what that sickness is.

Its the memory of her being so calm against that tree, so thankful as she breathed those words without hesitation. " _At least now you can do it humanely._ " Like discussing a new training technique. Dammit, she'd really been willing to die. I know that look too well, a calm glazed effect on the eyes that means they've accepted it. It didn't happen often, not many soldiers were truly willing to go that far for anything. But when it did happen? Shit. I clamp my hand over my mouth. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9...10. I breathe out and in, counting again and then swallowing. That look wasn't something I could forget. It wasn't something I wanted to forget. A part of me wants to hate her for it, to throw her to the ground and demand she think straight. There was too much left to fight for, it wasn't time to give in yet. But then another part of me knows that its selfish as hell. It was her life, right? I wince as the grip I have on my jaw irritates my bruising. It was selfish for her too though, to cast us all aside like that, right? To consider leaving us all the mourn her. Fuck, I can't think straight at all. My eyes cast towards my bedroom again, my heart hammering so loudly I think it's going to burst out of my chest. She wouldn't do it would she, she wouldn't go somewhere and end it now that I wasn't there to stop her. That coldness in me bursts. I grip the desk and try to focus, nails digging into the woodwork.

Dammit, no.

She wouldn't do that. I know she wouldn't.

Don't I?

The quietness is wrong.

I should have her rambling in my ear, talking nonsense, making smart-ass comments as she tries not to freak out about what she'd done. As she tries to deny giving a damn about Erwin's well-being. As she snorts about how satisfying it was to do away with Meghan, despite the clean-up required. Dammit that was what I should have instead of this emptiness.

Should I have gone with her?

No.

I couldn't do anything out there beyond the walls. Nothing, except run with her and pretend none of this mess was behind us. It was a tempting thought. I'd likely wonder about it from now on, but it wouldn't work. This place had got to her, like it had got to me all those years ago. These people, these soldiers, so dedicated to the fight that it was infectious. If only we wore masks to avoid infection. Running was only temporary for her, I knew she'd want to come back to the fight. Or perhaps I was just hoping harder than before. If she didn't want to come back, she could easily evade us. Now that she was out there, now that she was free, she could simply gather her things and move on.

With my head in my hands I try again to think clearly. I try to start planning, try to remember I'm meant to be a Captain as well as a fool.

"Fucking hell... you better remember your orders, Senefold." I growl to nothing, hoping she can hear me on some level. "Please, Alexia..."

Damn that Meghan.

Damn her, and everything she stood for.

I hadn't seen the attack on Erwin coming. Perhaps I'd been stupid not to, but I genuinely hadn't. And in turn I hadn't seen Alexia's train of thought, until it was too late. Until it was jutting out the back of Meghan's thick skull. It was a bold move, but now as the dust settles I can't help but be angered by it. Cooler heads might have thought of something else, might have made a better plan that meant we could all keep fighting together. Couldn't they? Surely Erwin, and that Artlet kid could have thought of something. Hell, even Shitty-Four-eyes might have come up with a concept. But it was easy to look back and wonder what else could have worked, it was easy to wish for something else to have happened. What I needed to do was focus on what _had_ happened, and then how to move forward from it. How to get her back.

"Shit." I feel my eyes get warm.

I fight it as best I can, this wasn't the time to fall apart. It was a time to regroup, to keep pushing whilst the MP's and royals were on the back-foot. If we waited too long, they'd eventually just send in another Meghan. Then it would have all been for nothing. It had to mean something, it had to lead somewhere. Didn't it? Another shiver traces up my back. The past smirks at me. No, sometimes it didn't mean a damn thing, did it? Sometimes it was just mindless pain. I groan and rest my head on the desk. Please, just remember your orders Alexia. If you don't... I really don't think I'll count as human any more.

Underground thug to soldier.

Soldier to Captain.

Captain to man.

Man to...

Man to broken.

Damned disobedient bastards escape anyway. They run along my nose and cheeks, tracking their itchy paths before falling away. The damn weakness escapes me, falling down to sink into the woodwork.

I can't do this again.

* * *

 **Alexia POV**

Running comes easily to me. Running is second nature by now.

But this time it feels different. It's like there's a string attached to my back. It sinks through my skin and wraps round my spine, it coils through my ribs and latches onto my heart. The fibres spread, fanning out and soon encasing the entire shuddering muscle as it thunders, struggling to keep up with my escape. That string is attached to everything left back there; the comradery, the belonging, the friendship, the purpose, the humanity, the fight. And of course the people. And of course... my Captain. I grit my teeth, the string getting tighter as it pulls against my retreat. It tries to hold me in place, tries to keep me within my bounds of unsaid promises. But eventually it gives. It goes taught, my breath hitching and heart stuttering, before it snaps and flails pointlessly behind. A thin bedraggled tail that lolls with my staggering steps. I have to cut it away, I have to separate myself from that connection. Or else my feet won't move another inch. But they have to, they have to move inches, feet, metres and then miles. They have to create as big a gap as possible, they have to reach that pale oak and then help me hide. For myself and for the Scouts, for myself and for possibly humanity. If the fools in charge hunted me instead, perhaps my comrades could work on everything else. I could act as the shiny penny for morons to clamber after, leaving plenty space for Erwin to plan, for Eren to train, for Hanji to plot and for Levi to fight. Fucking hell... I don't know if I can really keep up, but then again, I was only going to have to run so far.

 _You. Are. Nothing._

 _You. Will. Be. Forgotten._

 _No. One. Cares._

 _He. Lied._

Words swim around me now, as they did then.

Fluid, moving, never settling or allowing me to grasp them.

Perhaps it was more like smoke then?

Fuck it doesn't even matter, does it?

I breathe thinly and rest against the tree trunk I'm currently clambering. I have to pause right now, or else I'll just fall back down again and that was simply inefficient. Right now I can't do inefficient. Two days ago I fled, two days ago my mind began to wander. My direction was set and so I simply followed it, trying not to think outside of that. I crossed over the wall and entered the wastes of plains. Silence rules these rolling hills, except for the occasional groan from a wandering beast; be it Titan or animal. I avoid them all. Life passes around me as though I were nothing but a pebble being thrown around a river.

My knees quake, and I slide down onto the branch, clinging to it as I'm a good fifteen metres high by this point. Ah yes, not only inefficient, but bloody sore too. The Titans couldn't climb this high, and the bears couldn't be bothered. I probably didn't look like much of a meal right now anyway. I rest my head against the damp bark and gasp, trying to refill my lungs after the last dash to cover. But I'd made it at least. Time was once again being an illusive bastard; ebbing and rushing, stalling and galloping. Bastard needed to make up his mind; either run me ragged, or drain me.

"What a mess..." I cough and carefully manoeuvrer onto my back.

I wait a couple dizzied seconds before firing my stolen grapples into the trunk. I lie there and let sleep claim me. I should wrap the cloak round me properly, I should take the blades off in case they shift and fall to the undergrowth. There are a lot of things I should do, but instead I just sleep.

Dreams plague me.

The happy ones make my heart ache, to the point I want to drive a blade into my chest to rip it out. The sad ones make my head throb with all the withheld tears I deny myself, refusing to allow this human-ness consume me now that I was alone. The painful ones were almost a reprieve at this point. But in all honesty that might simply be because I don't have the will to fight them any more. My body goes slack, feeling heavy as my muscles unwind and gravity pulls me against the unforgiving wood. I feel cool air waft through my fingers. Fuzziness takes to my mind and the world slips away, a far off groaning seeming to mock my want of a scream.

" _Come on, look at me," she hissed between those white teeth, bared like the fangs of a feral cat driven mad by hunger. Only Meghan didn't hunger for food, her fat arse had given indication enough of that. No, instead she hungered for power, for importance, to matter to someone else other than her own reflection. Beyond anything else, I pitied her._

 _I swallowed hard and forced my eyes open. The close proximity of the lantern once again made them ache against the darkness. I hadn't seen daylight in so long. She'd have made me go blind at the rate she was going. Though if it meant I didn't need to focus on that deranged face any longer, would it really have been so bad?_

" _You need to stop hiding little Alexia, you need to face up to the situation you're in. No one is coming for you. No one-"_

" _No one cares. No one loves me. Just get the violinist in here whilst you're at it, eh?" I snarled, bored with her feeble mind games._

Only now my heart really does ache, the loneliness adding more chill to my bones.

 _A cruel laugh slipped between_ _painted lips._

" _What do you want, Meghan? Just spit it out already, or at least do me the favour of cleaning your teeth," I groaned._

" _I want you broken."_

" _How original-"_

" _It's the only way to deal with headaches like yourself. You will do it, I know you will. No one can endure forever," it had sounded like an attempt at a threat. Except there had been too much doubt in there. Meghan had never really known how far I could go, she had never understood conviction. Her own will was ruled by greed, as soon as something was clearly not worth her time in terms of profit, she abandoned it. How I wished she would have abandoned me._

 _When the silence continued without end, my eyes stubbornly stared her down all the while, Meghan growled. A small clanking of metal made my spine quiver, but of course I was unable to move. My jaw was held open and a metal bar shoved between my teeth. Instantly I drooled, and instantly I was reduced to her dog. Fine bitch, you contained me, you confined me, but you also knew my hatred didn't you? You felt it sink into you like I tasted that bitter metal on my tongue; sharp and undeniable._

" _You will break. I will rule you. I will win. You'll see Alexia, in the end, you'll be broken and thinking of this moment. Just wait. Someday, it will come, and I sincerely hope it knocks you on your mongrel arse," she hissed, tightening the metal so my mouth was stretched back painfully. The metal shifted between my teeth and I choked down the iron taste._

 _Disgusting._

 _Never-ending._

True.

My eyes blink open and I stare up.

Dammit, why did the bastards of the world always end up being correct?

A cold rain pitters and patters against my face. I draw in a shaken breath, my lips feeling chapped as my whole body trembles. This wasn't good. I needed to move. I needed to actually shelter myself from the elements as well as the hunters of this world, no point in escaping if all I was gonna do was die of a cold. Yet my body feels so heavy already. It was oh-so-easy to consider Meghan looking up from her fiery pit and cackling, she'd see this mess of a human and claim victory. I want to fight it. I want to be defiant as always and refer to her flaws brazenly. Hell, I want to slap her and ridicule her simply for the fun of it. But I can barely keep my eyes open.

 _Just remember your orders._

They flicker open again and I groan.

Dammit why was I suddenly wanting to obey?

If there was any luck left to have in this world, he would forget me soon, and yet I wanted to follow his orders all the while. Was that pathetic, or devotion? Or was Pathetic simply the hard-boiled term for that level of affection? I sit up slowly, whole body shuddering with the effort, it felt like fighting that compulsion from Eren. Like I was meant to lie here and fade away. My legs dangle off the branch and I stare at my hands as they rest on the woodwork, fingers clinging to the bark as I gather my breath. From the looks of it I was two forests over, this was my first stop for a home initially, the woolly effect of the leaves had tempted me to stay. Yet I knew once winter came they would fall and leave me exposed. So I'd moved on and eventually found my pale oak surrounded by evergreen. A small smile pulls on my lips as I recall the last time I went home, clinging to my Captain as I nearly bled out. The romance was unbelievable. I sniff and shake my head, wiping tears away stubbornly, I unhook my grapples and get to my feet. I had ample supplies, having stopped by a military post next to Rose before going up and over.

Just like old times.

In that small outpost there had been no news yet, apparently I was still outrunning the scandal. It was all so normal there. A couple houses thrown together, and a pully system in place to allow the Garrison to be atop the wall for patrols. I wondered whether that had been in place before Maria fell, or if they were only allowed to 'desecrate' the oh-so-holy wall afterwards. Whichever way it was, the system sure came in handy for saving me some gas and effort. No one woke when I set it in motion, a couple snorts interrupted the otherwise tranquil snores from the watch-tower. To be fair, I don't know why they would need to be alert, but as danger followed me at that moment, I did hope they didn't get into too much trouble. I'd thought about taking a horse, but really I knew that would just make me easier to track.

I had to go back to basics.

I had to go back to rock-bottom.

"Okay... let's do this." I sigh, rolling my neck and then getting myself ready. I have to move on before that string found me again, before it burrowed back into my skin and reclaimed my being. Right now I can't let anything in but the need to survive. Right now I don't think I could endure anything else. My heart's too bruised. With a good push I might make it to the next forest by nightfall, but then again it was also difficult to determine what time of day it was. The sky was overcast, so really it could be minutes from darkness. Guess I'd just have to chance it. I tuck that bleached streak of hair back and click my tongue, time to move. I leap from the branch and fire off, zooming through the canopy and foolishly trying to outrun my mind.

 _You. Are. Nothing._

 _You. Will. Be. Forgotten._

 _You. Will. Break._

 _Mongrel._

Apparently my mind had decent stamina.

* * *

Unfortunately the squirrels hadn't had time to prepare anything for my return. Poor souls, I know how they love the dramatics. Not to mention an excuse to decorate. I apologise to them for not sending word ahead, but they just tut and move on. They're miffed at me for sure. I sit on the main level of my home and look around, it hasn't changed much. There's a couple messy parts where the birds had decided to be shit neighbours, but otherwise fine. I swallow hard and try to move. But the landing was clumsy, and with the rain sunk into my clothes for three days, it's hard to think of anything but the cold. I shiver from head to toe, trembling like these messy leaves.

"Home... sweet... home..." I gasp between coughs, a ringing in my ear as the trees rustle. A wind was building, it would likely grow unkind.

My bones grumble, but I haul my sorry ass towards the wood store. I had to at least attempt being a good soldier. Thankfully there was still plenty there, and the rain had stopped for now. I get a fire going and drag some dry blankets over to that small homey pit, pulling my make-shift screens into place to protect from the wind too. There, I was getting back into the swing of it already. So why won't my eyes stop misting? I take my gear off and feel my hips ache with the release, it had been a long time I travelled so far with so much haste. Perhaps I was getting old? The world swims and I put a hand to my head, it feels nice and chilled against the throbbing pain behind my eyes. But step by step I make it to my cupboard, getting some dried meat out and whatever else I can find. I didn't want to move any more than necessary once I had huddled up. I also reckon I won't be able to, even if I did want to.

Eventually I have some food, water and plenty blankets around me. It would suffice. I watch the flames slowly caress their way across the wood, and I add another log to see me through a decent nap. Or perhaps a coma. At this point I wouldn't mind either. My lids feel heavy and I don't fight it, letting them slip shut before my body slumps down against the floor, a soft groan escaping me as I submit to a fever, the sweat already coating my brow.

" _I'm done with these games!" I yelled, moving my head constantly to avoid the metal bar they tried to shove between my teeth. Not again. Please not again, I cannot take this constant bleeding. They'd empty me out like cheap wine at this rate. Damn them, it still hurt, even if I was only a beast to them._

" _Contain me all you fucking like!" I roared. A click of Meghan's fingers made the bastards stop. I panted hard, tongue heavy with the taste of iron. Through my screen of hair I stared at my captor, my tormentor, my relation. Those hips swayed into view and she knelt down in front of me. Her nail scraped my forehead as she tucked the hair back, that sickly sweet smile soon in place. My stomach churned. That brow arched and those eyes gleamed._

" _So eager to be contained now?"_

" _Fuck you."_

" _No, no Alexia, we're going to talk about this properly." She chuckled and I swallow hard, a tremble running through me as my arm is held out. They know I'm too weak already, but they enjoy it by this point. The thin blade pressed into my arm and I winced, the vein submitted and poured willingly. The cold trickle began, that silver bowl would soon be filled and the world would once again dance before my slow blinking eyes. Her gaze though, that manic look flashes with extra excitement. "Speak up little cousin." She purred, running that fingernail up my throat._

" _Contain me all you like, Meghan. Take my freedom, but all you're doing is make me hate you more." I growled, throat scratchy. Her eyes tightened. "That's all you're doing. Right now, you're stoking the Scout's fire, and you're simmering mine." I whispered brokenly, my voice sinking into her and she frowned._

 _Yeah, I'm pointing out the obvious here you stupid wench. By keeping me alive, she only caused herself issue. I'm underlining the fact that eventually, they need to kill me, or else it's just going to backfire on them. It's pathetic, but right now? With my leg only just healing back into place, my jaw aching from being dislocated a couple hours beforehand, and my blood being once again drained like a blocked sink; I can't. If I rebounded off this window any more, my brain would dribble out my ears. I'm done._

 _I'd never known hopelessness before, and the only hope I had at that point, was that I might end it sooner rather than later. I don't know if that actually counts though. Technically that was still hope, right?_

" _If you want rid of me, if you want to remove me from your ongoing list of issues? Kill me. That's it Meghan, no more games, no more bargains. Just kill me."_

" _And waste your power?"_

" _You will never gain my power." I sighed, it breaking into a desperate sob at the end._ Is this real? Did this even happen? I can't focus. _It burned deep, showing that weakness was so wrong, but I can't do it any more. All I want is selfish things. I'm not a hero in that cell; I'm no-ones friend, lover or comrade. I'm me. And I'm tired of it. All I ever wanted; to be loved, to belong, to have my parents value me, to escape, to be free, to live my life. Me, me, me. It had to stop somewhere._

" _You seem so very confident."_

" _If you don't realise that yet, Meghan? You really are an idiot. I will not submit to you, I would genuinely rather die. So... s-so slice my nape open here and now if that is what you wish, but for god's sake stop playing..." I groaned._

" _But I love to hear you scream..." she purred, the metal shoved between my teeth as their games begun again. The dice rolled, clacking against each other as the soft glow of a heated iron approached. Sweat runs along my brow and I screamed. I could do nothing else as they branded me, burned me, cooked me for their enjoyment._

Dreams are bastards.

Panic, fear, loathing, rage; such toxic emotions, such vile things that only lead to the darker side of humanity. And yet we gorge on them. Whenever I'd been in the walls, how many times had I seen it? How many times had I watched higher-ups reprimand soldiers for feeling fear, how many times had I watched civilians look at those walls with something beyond curiosity. I was nothing but a fly on the wall, only hopping into society to refill my boots. But in those snapshots, over those ten years, I saw plenty. Greed, lust, envy, arrogance; it ruled them all, and in turn it ruled me. I had thought myself so above it all, hadn't I? I coasted through life beyond societies means and thought myself superior. What an ass crack full of shit. I was nothing more than a bug that crawled over a wall and took to the wind.

Panic; I'd felt it plenty when alone those first few weeks, when realising what I was, when a twig snapped at a particularly quiet moment. Fear; I had a fuck tonne. It followed me round as close as my shadow, I feared their hate, my own power, my inability to fight back with anything more than hot air. In all honesty I feared death out here; alone and unwanted, never found and eventually turned to dust as the elements bore down on my stripped bones. Loathing was hardly something I lacked. I hated them all; my family, my parents, my small-minded home. It was all against little old me, all pointed at me like a fresh-made blade, right? Hate came as easy as breathing.

I smile faintly in my delirium, before I feel bile rise up my throat again.

My sweat soaked body rolls slightly as I wretch inelegantly, muscles exhaustedly screaming in protest. I couldn't keep going much longer. My nails dig into the stinking woodwork, what was that last one again?

Rage.

Yeah. I had that one down too.

I flop back onto my back and gasp, my tongue feels heavy and my breath tastes disgusting. But as weak as I feel, and as hard as it was to even take those vile breaths, my rage keeps me going. Rage at the world, the injustice, at Meghan, at the broken system that laid waste to humanity's future. I hated it all and wanted to rip it apart. I gag, body not allowing me to roll this time. Fuck. I... I can't breathe. I choke, air abandoning me as that hot putrid liquid blocks my throat.

What a dignified end.

Sorry Captain, guess those orders were folly.

What was it that went through the minds of those that died in an instant? My heart stutters, thumping harder as my body makes a last stitch attempt to pull through this. But why? Lingering was pointless. What had you thought, Petra? What had your mind brewed behind those bright hazel eyes before you smashed into that oblivion, before your broken body claimed you. Oluo, you weird fucker, what the hell had been running between your ears before I was used to destroy you. Did it even matter? I hack and feel spittle against my lips, body writhing as it seeks out some relief, a small gust of air to keep it moving.

In truth I've never been sold on either way.

Do I go through life alone, or do I try to depend on others?

Family, comrades, friends.

Either way there's not guarantee right?

This currently pathetic situation was testament to that if nothing else.

"Damn... what a sorry sight."

I hear a voice I don't recognise, my eyes rolling back whilst I feel my body pushed onto it's side. The sludge leaves my slack mouth, and I hear rustling as I'm propped up with my cloak. That was a good idea. But who the hell was this?

"You better be worth this... fuck this is disgusting," the voice complains, and then I hear the brush of my broom. They were cleaning. At first, my weak mind flits to pale grey eyes framed by dark hair, an unmoving scowl and rare smile. But it isn't him. It can't be him. That voice is distant, removed. They don't know me, so I can only assume I don't know them. So why save me? And why the hell are they out here?

"Alexia Senefold, I cannot deny that you're a little underwhelming... the Titan who was free, hm? My, my how the mighty have fallen." I can't tell if I've been awake consistently or not. But I don't feel that slickness of sweat on my skin any more. Had they bathed me? I feel fresh clothing on me and a cold press on my forehead. They weren't kind, but apparently they weren't stupid either. They knew how to tend to the sick, and had at least enough compassion to do so for me.

The Titan who was free?

Was that the dumb-ass name I'd been given?

Which did I count as more of now?

Titan or Human?

Human or Titan?

I groan, my mind aching as these words swim around with the sound of rustling leaves and the crackle of a fire. The cold press is turned over and I sigh at the fresh chill.

Soldier or Civilian.

Civilian or Royal.

Woman or Chess-piece.

In the end it was my choice, and because of all those wrong choices, so many people have died. Soldiers and civilians alike, right? If I'd become a weapon of the Royals like I was meant to, whose to say the Colossal attack would have ever happened? Sure the populace would still be ignorant to it all, hidden in their bubble of safety from the harshness of the world. But Eren would still have a mother, Armin would still have a grandfather; they all might still have had a future. But now? Now the Titans infected it all, every waking moment was consumed by the fear of them, the want to kill them, the need to run from them. Could I have prevented that? Or would I have been nothing but a useless pawn, moved into play when it was convenient?

I feel something scratch against my skin. Crystal forms against it, shoving whatever it was away. Who is this playing with me?

"Of all the times to be stubborn, this really isn't it, Senefold. You've come a long way, but you've got plenty ground left to cover," the voice sounds so very bored. I keep the crystal there though and I hear a sigh.

Then all I know is a sharp pain and a ringing in my ears.

A hand grips my nape tightly, fingers pinching deeply into the flesh there and rendering me immobile. How... how the hell had they known... ghn... stop...! That scratching pierces my skin and I feel something being pushed into my veins. Soon enough it's over, it can't have been more than a couple seconds, but as I pant and feel sensation return to my limbs I know I have to wake up. I groan again, teeth ground together as I try and force my eyes open.

"Give it time, you foolish girl. Force it any further and I will do that again until you pass out entirely. Don't test me," the voice says, a new edge to it now.

A strange prickle appears at the back of my mind. I feel myself submitting. It wasn't like Eren's compulsion though, it was more like a child's inherent want to obey a warning from a parent. Beyond being a cheeky little shit that is. I'm tempted, but as I feel a warmth spread out from where my skin had been pierced, I decide to wait it out. This cheeky little shit would wait, and if I was being tended to in order to return to full strength, then fine. I'd let it happen.

But only because of this returned feeling.

It bubbled into existence when I was in that cell.

When those maniacs played with me like a puppet.

They could contain me, but all they were doing was building my hate, building my resentment. I could be repaired, I could be brought back from the brink yet again. But if I didn't like what I saw when I opened my eyes? If I didn't like what I heard from whoever this person was mending me? I would disobey all over again, I would unleash all that toxic humanity and I would go back there. I would somehow continue the fight.

Wouldn't I?

Doubt runs along those abandoned threads of string in my chest, those entwined fibres that bound my heart and soul. They tremble. They cling tighter. The fight had gone on so long now, and that light at the end of the tunnel kept flickering. Perhaps it was nothing but a lantern, slowly running out of oil? I breathe deep and let myself rest. For some reason this voice had found me, for some reason this voice had tended to my fever and was seeking out my recovery.

For some reason I still cared.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! I hope it was good for you! I realise that technically not a lot happened in this one, but I also kinda wanted to be able to really explore where they were in the story. Plenty shit will be going down now anyway, who's looking after Alexia hm? Any ideas?**

 **Thanks for reading, please leave a fav, follow and or review, I love to hear from you all! See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **I'd just like to say an initial thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. It really is what keeps me going with these fics, all three of my stories have such wonderful fans. Of course they actually share a few as well. But it really is amazing how much time some of you take to let me know your reactions. It's awesome, you're awesome, I'm gonna weesht now. THANK YOU.**

 **SHOUTOUS:**

 **MadnessIsContagious96:** Thanks for coming back! I'm glad the shit hitting the fan was convincing for you, I always worry about those quick turnarounds, whether they'll pay-off or not. So thank you! I'm glad you like her relationship with Erwin, I really like developing it and writing it! My most emotional... yeah I guess it was. I didn't actually intend it to be, but I guess it morphed that way on its own. These tits shall not be calmed! NEVER! Haha, sorry. Sorry for overwhelming you, I don't really know if this will have been better or worse to be honest... fairly emotionally driven too... if not entirely... sorry! Tissues at the ready? Thank you so much for reviewing again, I love to know that you're still around and still reading. It's great to know I can remain consistent for fans :D thanks! See you next time!

 **Grimm:** Was Frank a typo? It made me laugh nevertheless, like... a lot haha, so thanks. And I understand that you might hate me, I get that a lot as an author on here actually... hehe... and it's awesome. I made you cry?! Oh my god that's amazing, sorry to take pleasure in your pain, but to get such an emotional response from someone is amazing. Thank you! Yeah Alex might've done a stupid thing, but hey ho, hindsight is everything right? I know I'm evil, I'm afraid I've accepted it and have perfected the cackle. Thanks for reviewing as always, you're a gem, I hope the update was good for you, and I hope to see you next time! Thanks!

 **AuroraStargazers:** I love you summation of that. I hadn't really thought of it as a half-way point, or a finale, but I guess it was a big underlining wasn't it? She is able to be free but now doesn't want to be. Funny how stories can evolve beyond what you plan! THank you so much for pointing that out. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it! A lot of people have commented on how emotional it was, and in all honesty I genuinely didn't intend it to be, but I'm glad it's come across so strongly. The fact that you're all so convinced by their relationship is amazing, it was intimidating to start fics with Levi as a romantically involved character, but I am so thrilled to know I've done it convincingly. Thank you so much for reviewing! Speak soon!

 **Chrissykinz6:** Why are you a pirate?! I'm glad I caught you by surprise, that's always the goal of course! Yeah Alexia has rather landed herself in hot water, hasn't she? Ach well, she'll pull through... probably... hehe. Only a million? My, my not many, eh? I'm glad to have you wondering though, its a big compliment to me as an author. Sorry for tugging on those heart strings, I doubt it was much easier on you this time round either right? Catching a break isn't really my forte for my characters, but hey, I'll consider it okay? Haha, thanks for reviewing, hope the update was good for you! See you in a few weeks.

 **ChrisHlynn:** Sorry for the false alarm, but c'mon I have been VERY clear about the new update schedule! But again, sorry... *bows head and whimpers*. Thanks for the support though, I'm glad to know I have my readers behind me ^-^. I will be posting sneak peeks eventually on the sister site of here, but it'll all be mentioned in updates etc. I hope this update made up for the false alarm the other day!


	38. Chapter 38

**Hello, hello, hello! A day early you say? Why yes! YES IT IS! Anyone else raaather excited about the second season having aired? I'm watching the first episode tonight with some friends, so excited to see what they've done! We've waited long enough, eh? I also wonder if this will bring some new people into the fandom, all very exciting anyway! On that note, I might be going back over earlier chapters of my stories (i intend to do it to all of them) and editing them. I can't believe I've been doing this for over a year now! MENTAL. But yeah, I'll post on new chapters when I'm editing, because I don't thiiiink you guys get any notifications when I do that to older chapters. I don't think anyway. But yeah, I'll not be changing plot or anything, just polishing up/developing some of the earlier writing as I've made strides in style etc. ^-^**

 **ANYWAY, on with the show! Or story... hehe, so excited about the anime.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT, only Alexia**

 **Note: Manga content, I am up to date with the manga so... really, read at your own risk, but tbh I never point out what is canon and what is my own creation so... ignorance is bliss? But anyway, warning applied.**

* * *

The green canopy rushes past me, the big-ass trees are our playground and I cheer as the air swirls around. This was freedom, but this wasn't my home. Not any more. My heart pounds in my ears as I swoop down, watching a vague shape dawdle through the undergrowth. It wasn't a Titan though, was it? A harsh voice cracks up occasionally, the figure sounding annoyed. It was unfamiliar and commanding as it barks. The large head snaps round and glares, and I do the same. It exists, I exist. Not so simple apparently. But what is that figure? An enemy? A friend? Was it even a Titan? The world had enough conflict in it, so I saw no reason to pick a damn fight. But apparently I had no choice.

Seems I don't often get that choice any more.

My base comes into view, our little haven. The figure fades from my mind. I grin, using extra gas to gain speed, I want to get back there as soon as possible. Not in ten minutes, not in ten hours, I barely want to wait ten seconds. Even from back here I can see him waiting. Dependable, reliable; it still makes my heart clench foolishly. He sits brewing tea, breakfast ready. How many years it had been I don't know, but long may it continue. He turns at the sound of my wire, and gives a casual wave . The kettle whines. Another simple day continues. I give a whoop. I was like a bird, I was free. Those within the walls remained unknowingly contained, but content with their century long peace. Little did those fools know it was simply imprisonment. But we'd tried, right? We'd tried to help them. But we could only rebound off a window so many times.

Maybe we could take that trip soon, have me shift and him keep track of the supplies. I was go glad Erwin had given us that map. It was our right after fighting for so long, and losing so much. This was our time. Me and him. Me and my Captain. Me and Levi. I flip round, and sigh as the cold wind whips past. We had strong wings, and even stronger possibilities. A smile spreads over my face as I sink below the canopy again. The green flickered past my slightly ajar eyelids.

Yes, we would go together, and we would go soon.

We'd waited long enough.

"Wake up."

Pain. It's everywhere. I'm falling, the canopy getting further and further away as I plummet towards the unforgiving earth. I look up, everything's being consumed by flame. No. N-No! Even him? Levi stands, hands in his hair, seeming to struggle against bonds as he screams amongst the fire. That harsh glare comes into view, the strange figure reappearing. It looms and laughs. The canopy fades from view, ash filling my nostrils as everything is blocked out by that ravenous smoke. It's all smothered into darkness.

Again.

I jolt awake.

I'm dragged back to reality, and stare at the dying firepit. It's fading, embers slipping away in the morning drizzle. My body quivers, droplets of rain running down my cheeks like fresh tears. There was no one brewing tea, there was no one dependable waiting for me here.

This freedom was small now.

Don't you know what you've done to me?

You must know.

"I said wake up, woman." The voice sighed before I feel a foot nudge the small of my back. Right before giving a light kick. I sit up wearily and look over my shoulder to the figure, them swimming into view before some food is shoved towards my face. "Eat."

I blink and try to see what food I was even being offered.

The food is brandished again.

"You need to refuel."

"Ugh... and you need to learn some social skills." I grumble, sitting up properly and taking the food in question. "Thanks." I note, looking down at the fresh meat and some vegetation. It was a decent meal by all accounts, and didn't smell fatal. Then again, if he was a clever bastard, it wouldn't. Then again, if he wanted me dead, all he had to do was leave me where I was. No point in starving then, I guess. I take a bite and nod in thanks again, the figure moving and sitting near me as he tries to bring the fire back to life.

"Figured you wouldn't mind me making use of your neighbours."

"This is too big to be a squirrel, unless they've started getting Titan cousins as well?" I murmur, licking my lips. Where the fuck had he found seasoning? He didn't laugh, or even smile, but he did stab at the fire again. Harder.

"Actually it's part of a bear." He replied, voice disinterested. I swallow hard and continue to evade the silence that made my spine quiver. Who the hell was this guy?

"Oh well, that's fine, they're not neighbours, more like passing nuisances. Just leave the squirrels alone, all right? We have an understanding." I sigh, cracking my neck and humming when it gives a satisfying pop. He snorts, apparently amused by me now. Or was he simply amusing himself somehow?

I look his way, simply glancing from the corner of my eye. He had glasses, a gruff beard and a shaggy haircut. I don't know why, but I feel like there should either be a cigarette hanging out his softly spoken mouth, or a white robe somewhere in view. Neither are present though, his clothing is simple, and not from within the walls. In fact, he's only wearing a loose jacket, no shirt underneath. Was he simply immune to the cold? Too proud of his toned body? Or was he like me, and ran at a higher temperature than most? If so, was that down to an odd biology, or a Titanous one? My mind is busy as I eat the food, his own serving soon disappearing as well.

"So, is your head cleared?" He asked as he picked between his teeth.

"Bit of an ambiguous question..."

"Very well, let me rephrase." He said curtly, "are you still ill?" He set his meal down and stabbed at the fire again. It splutters indignantly at his impatience. I decide to forgo the smart-ass remarks for now. I didn't really fancy that stabbing motion moving in my direction.

"Think I'm all right for the time being, thanks for the help. Not that I know why you gave it, nor why you're out here, nor who you are."

"Perhaps the thanks is premature then?" He says with a quirk of a brow, glasses flashing in the newly revitalised flames. I feel like he's trying to figure me out, as much as I'm trying to figure him. I reach behind and pull on a rope, a small roof like shield swinging over us and allowing some protection from the drizzle for our sparking friend. The stranger glances up and nods slowly, perhaps impressed, perhaps uninterested still. I continue eating.

"Well... the thanks is still meant. I'm glad to be upright, even if I have to try and outrun you later on." I say and accept the water from him.

Another smirk fell into view.

Did he like that I knew to be threatened, or was he simply amused that I was going to try and evade him? My heart won't calm down, my body knows something is wrong here. This wasn't peaceful, it was like sharpening a blade before battle. Any second down, the dance would begin. At least that was what it felt like, I could easily just be being a paranoid freak again.

"So..." I start to speak, the silence making my head spin. "You plan on elaborating on any of the grey areas I just outlined?"

"Not particularly."

"Uhuh..." I murmur, already irritated by the recurring warp of his lips.

"But you're not going to let me get much further elsewhere without answering, are you?"

"Not particularly." I shrug and again he snorts.

I'm leaning more towards that being derision than amusement. For all I know, this bastard is actually planning on something far more devious than even Meghan had tried. Not that I know why he'd want anything to do with me. He might be entirely unconnected. No matter what, I'd remain wary. He nods and leans back, jacket falling open again as his eyes stare at the flames. I do hope he isn't as keen on his own voice as he clearly is of his own physique. I was on the mend, but that didn't mean I could endure full-on bullshit just yet.

"Guess I'll start with why I helped, after all, that's likely the most pressing thing," he muses, almost sounding like he was talking to himself more than me.

My hope of a 'to-the-point' approach seems to be fading fast.

I brace.

"I am a careful player in all games, and right now, you're an important piece. Therefore, whilst I was glad to find you out here, instead of inside the Scouting HQ... you being face-down in your own vomit wasn't exactly ideal."

"Actually I was face-up and drowning in it." I point out, meriting a side-eye worthy of a shit-storm. "Sorry, carry on."

"So I cleaned you up, got you back to some semblance of health, and I now expect your co-operation in my mission as payment for this good deed."

Doesn't seem like much of a fucking good deed if it has a bill attached. I keep my poker-face on, and simply blink at him when he looks to me. I ain't nodding or anything buddy, agreement is not on my to-do list right now. Unless this 'mission' is to fill Erwin Smith's office with drooling puppies or something, I doubt I'm going to want to sign on. Every second I talk with him, I get the feeling this guy is planning something terrible. It's like he's foreboding simply by breathing. When was the last time I had been this intimidated?

Oh right, probably inside a cell, staring at an enraged Le- Captain.

"So then," I say, wanting to distract myself, and keep his explanations going. "That leaves why you're here, who you are, and where you came from." I say, sipping the water again and realising rather quickly I wasn't getting away with shifting in that extra question. I look at that affronted glare and shrug. "Sorry, thought it was kinda implied before."

"Do not push your luck, woman, you do not have excessive amounts."

"Ain't that the fucking truth." I sigh, leaning back and waving my hand. "Why're you here? I assume this mission of yours has more to it than finding my sorry ass?"

"Indeed it does, I have many things to achieve whilst here."

"Ah, so you're not from around here, good to kno-" I grit my teeth. That damned vice-of-a-hand round my throat now. I hold onto his wrist and breathe as carefully as I can. I can't see his eyes, the glare off his glasses blocking all view. Creepy shitface.

"I am not here to banter with you, Alexia Senefold."

"C-Clearly..."

"I am here on righteous purpose."

Oh fuck, really? I went form psycho power-thirsty cousin whore, to Bearded Zealot?

I really didn't have any fucking luck.

I gasp thinly.

"You will halt your incessant rambling and listen to me. I will only tell you as much as I see fit, you will not enquire further, or I will discipline you with the only form necessary." He growls, hot breath wafting against me. I withhold my growling, I withhold everything. I can only assume his form of discipline would involve an awful lot of pain. "Am I understood, pawn?"

I nod.

Black spots are appearing in my vision by the time he releases me. I gasp at the cold air, my head falling back against the flooring and being just outside the roof's protection. The kiss of the rain is pleasant, and it does wonders to help me douse the flames of rage building up the back of my throat. A couple seconds pass by, the soft hiss of the rain being accompanied by crackles of the fire. I could almost pretend I was content.

"My mission, for all that you need to know, is to free our people." He says with too much pride.

I wait.

He stares.

I shrug. I've just been throttled for making a passing assumption, I ain't asking shit about shit right now. He rolls his eyes and sits back, brushing his hands off as if having just smothered them in muck by touching me. Righteous was definitely the right word for this fucker. There were a couple others, but for now, righteous would have to do.

"Our people need Eren Jeager. They need you. They need the Female Titan. They need all of us."

So he's a shifter.

Us, implied he was one too.

"You talking about the other two as well then?" I say between my teeth, sitting up a little and meeting his stare head on. His hands clench. "Bertholdt and Reiner?"

"I was unaware that they had been discovered."

Clearly he hasn't been here for very long then, and nor does he have very up-to-date information. This prick was telling me plenty. I shrug and sit up properly again, crossing my legs and playing with my remaining food. Our People. Who the fuck was he talking about? How was I connected to this bloody weirdo? Was it the royals again, or was he talking about Shifters like we were some kind of separate species? Then again, he can't have been from inside the walls, and yet he had clearly been somewhere near civilisation recently. I don't understand, and my head begins to ache. I guess it didn't matter who his people were, or our people – whatever the fuck it was! In the end, he had said he needed me and Eren, not to mention the blonde bitch and her two brawny bastard friends. That was a shifter force to be reckoned with. That being without me knowing this fuzzy fuck's power. Whatever this mission was, I doubted it was a peaceful one.

"I have come to reclaim what is rightfully ours, to save what was stolen. You have no love of the people within the walls, I assume?" He drawls on, my teeth grinding again. He knew nothing about me, assumptive prick. "They chained you. Stole your freedom, put you in a cage and prodded you with sticks."

I look his way, he nods permission.

"You just throttled me, berated me for speaking out of turn, and have oh-so-kindly, made my home feel like a whole new kind of cage. Or wait... is your form of cruelty so much different?" I ask with a flutter of my lashes. His teeth flashed into view. Righteous shit-heads tended to think of their own cruelty as a form of kindness, of saving the unfortunates. Come on Fucko, say it. You know you want to.

"I am trying to help you."

DING DONG.

I nod and shrug, knowing I wouldn't be able to open my mouth without earning another throttle. He leans forward and simpers.

"From what I heard, they made quite a meal out of you during your stay with the government. They burned you, tormented you, sliced into you?"

I nod once again.

He was right, the MP's and royals had indeed made a meal out of me many times over. But that wasn't the same thing as his first statement. Cruelty took many forms. The Scouts caught me, dragged me inside, they caged me at first; but that wasn't cruel intrigue, it wasn't anything more than seeking vital answers. They thought I had broken down their walls. They wanted justice for their people. This bearded fuck-face knew nothing. His assumption of no love was wrong, so very fucking wrong. Love came in as many forms as cruelty. That HQ was now my home, and I'd fled it all over again. Only now, sat with this shit-stick, was I considering that it might pay off in the end. If this callous bastard was planning on hurting Eren, on hurting any of the Scouts, I might be able to do something about it. From this point, I could hope to warn them. I just had to play it right.

"What I offer with this mission, is very unique indeed, Alexia Senefold. I offer you the best form of revenge. The _absolute_ kind. We will tear them down to their wretched selves, and we shall free _everyone_ they have chained."

I'd heard plenty Wallists in my time, plenty crack-pots using big words and idealistic notions to brainwash the needy. This man was no different. Inherently yes, I wanted revenge, and I won't pretend that I wouldn't enjoy destroying the royals entirely. But the word 'absolute'. Coming out of his mouth it sounds so much more like a blade carving out a new scar. He means absolutely final, doesn't he? But I see no army behind his self-importance, what exactly does he intend to do, in order to kill them all? Whoever the 'them' might be? His information clearly has the civilians, military goons, government officials, royal inbreeds, and the scouts, all mixed in together. It was insulting beyond being rather stupid. Where had he come from that made it so easy to bundle an entire world's worth of people into one toxic category? Not that I'm a saint, but hey, at least me calling all MP's bastards was only a small section of one people... right?

Heh, hypocrisy is my first language, I guess.

"So tell me, does that sound pleasing to you, Alexia?"

"Doesn't sound like much at all, to be honest." I reply, staring him down when I hear those teeth snap together. He threw more tantrums than Eren, for fuck's sake. Was he really so high and mighty where he came from, that he was unable to even discuss things with another human being? I purse my lips. "So far, all you've said is you need to steal back some people, and kill everyone else. Can't say it's the most strategically thought out plan I've ever heard."

"You do not need to know the ins and outs. You simply need to obey."

I need to play this clever, and yet I need to know his boundaries too.

I clench my hands.

A little pain would be worth the learning.

"Tell me, Stranger, in all the information you heard about me, at what point did some idiot write me down as a doe-eyed sheep?" I snarl, patience wearing thin for this shit-face-bearded-Erwin-wannabe. When he stands, I stand, when he growls, I growl, when he steps forward, I flinch but stand my ground. "You need me right? Well then, give me some fucking information beyond a 'oh-so-patriotic-boner-inducing' sound-bite."

"My information told me you were a stubborn fool, but I have dealt with plenty of your kind in the past, woman." He rumbled, stepping forward again, his chest pressed against mine. A chill runs along my spine. He caresses my cheek with the back of his hand, it suddenly turning to grip my hair in the next moment. Ow. He hauls me backwards and grips my chin hard. Again, fucking ow. "Every beast can be broken. You will obey me, you will heed the call of your people, and in the end? You will thank me."

"About as likely as you being humble." I choke out, wincing as his grip becomes bruisingly tight. I struggle and break free, standing away from him in a fighting stance. "You still didn't tell me who you are. C'mon, give your first corralled recruit that much, at least?" I ask, matching his advances with my own retreats. He glares and bares his teeth again.

"You test me too much, woman."

"Again, your information didn't list any of that?" I half-laugh, stumbling a little as my head swims. This would be so much easier if I wasn't still recovering. Dammit body, for once, just be on my side! I swallow hard. "C'mon Beardy, who the fuck are you?"

Slowly he straightened up. He stood to his full height, head tilted back proudly and hands upon his hips as though waiting for the sculptors to begin seeking inspiration. Holy fuck, this man was a show in himself.

"My name is Zeke, Chief Zeke." He announced loudly.

You know what?

I think those lazy squirrels once again missed their cue to sound the amazing trumpet chorus.

Silence reigned, and I looked around pointedly.

"Um... congratulations? You have a title as a first name?" I tilted my head.

"You really are insolent."

"And you're assumptive. Am I meant to _know_ that name, or something?" I ask, tempted to yawn, but guessing the man's glass-wear ego could only bear so much. I was in for one hell of a beating, wasn't I? He frowned.

"Well no, but usually when hearing 'chief' people ask where I am chief of, or where I am from."

"Uhuh... well guessing from the oh-so-evasive nature you're basically emanating with every pouted breath, you won't tell me. Y'know, paired with the fact you didn't tell me earlier, and got a little pissy when I guessed you weren't from around here. Personally, I would assume your answer is 'none of your business,' or 'tis not the righteth time to reveal mine origins to you, peasant one.'" I drawl, hand to chest, with the other extended as though I were upon a stage.

I hear his teeth snap together.

And then he lunges for me.

I fight him, but the bastard was well trained, and not to mention in fairly damned better health than my sorry ass. Soon enough, after our dance continues for a while, he's tripped me and gripped me again. It's just a blur of grunting, flailing limbs and pain. My nape is in that vice grip and I stagger, on my knees in seconds, bracing myself against that white hot sensation along my spine. It's smothering. I gasp and my nails scrape against the flooring of my hovel, mind searching for some kind of escape. He pinches harder and I rag-doll against the wood, panting thinly as the rain picks up again. The raindrops kiss my exposed hand as it lies there outstretched pointlessly.

Christ, I'm reaching towards the walls...

"I warned you, Alexia, you can't say I didn't warn you. Kindly wake in a more amicable mood, I grow tired of this stubbornness. Nothing good was every borne of pride."

Fuck you Pastor Facial-hair.

Go preach at someone who gives a shit about your damned delusions.

"Fuck... off... b-beardy..." I slur, something giving a small cracking noise when he somehow grips even tighter. I feel that hot breath against my ear again, slightly panted at least.

"Chief Zeke will be what you refer to me in future conversation, anything else? I will simply beat you down all over again."

I groan and submit to the sucking oblivion, only then is my nape released. That's going to fucking bruise now you brute. I sink further and further, till finally my mind lands on something other than pain.

At least, not physical pain.

I stand in front of the HQ. Only now it's surrounded by high steel fencing, the metaphor blatant and unforgiving to my stinging eyes. Dammit. I'd been in there, amongst that warm light of lanterns and listening to comrades talk over dinner. The clanking of cutlery, the clink of glasses, the scraping of chairs. It had once been a mess of noise, a rabble of watchful eyes to avoid; but now it felt like the background to my everyday. To my home. I shiver, hugging myself tightly as I try and turn away, but no matter where I look, that's all I can see. I stare, the panes of glass showing Eren laughing with his classmates, Armin reading a book and wiping errant food off a page. Hanji takes notes and then snorts at her own joke. Erwin mulls something over and narrows his eyes broodingly. Levi sits at the end of the table, watching from the sidelines as he sips his tea, occasionally glancing my way but not seeing.

"I... I can't watch you be chained again." I hear him say, voice cracking, breaking like wood burned for too long.

I swallow hard and turn, only now trees replace the fencing and soft undergrowth nestles around my boots. Please no, I don't want to see that again. I look up and blink, watching Levi hang his head, rain falling down around us in our tense bubble of goodbye. That chilling rain no longer soothes me, it seems to hold onto me tighter and tighter, till I can barely take a breath.

"Please? Run?" Levi begs, looking up now, pleading openly. He looks like a fresh wound.

What had I done to him?

This couldn't be good.

Had I ruined him?

Raindrops roll down his face and cling to his dark hair. A few gather in his dark lashes, brimming before joining the other tracked down his pale cheeks. I had so dearly wanted to remember his face, to have it for my selfish needs in this lonely time. But now I wish I hadn't. That stare, those lips, I can't shake the deep set regret they give me. Ten days, ten months, or another ten years. Each feels like a new nail through my heart. Shit, I can't take this. I feel myself press my lips to his. It's chaste and sweet, nothing like what I need right now. In this chilling world I needed the fire between us, the struggle, the clambering hands and strong grip. On one hand I still wish he might forget me, that the world might choose the kindest path. But on the other hand, the clawing greedy one, I wanted him to be thinking of me just as I was thinking of him.

With desperation.

With regret.

With longing.

I wasn't just a mess of a human, I was a mess by all accounts of nature right now.

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

How the hell has it been a month already? Nothing's happened, and yet time seems intent on running me down. I scrawl my way through this mountain of shit on my desk. Dammit it was just one meeting after another, one damned bureaucratic pile of nonsense after another. I can't take much more of this. Soon we'd be preparing for a mission, that was what this was leading to. Erwin didn't want me thinking about that, he didn't want me considering what that would mean. But I have, and I do. It'd be foolish not to, and only make it sting worse. They'd send us out there to find her, they'd send us out like dogs on the hunt. My quill snaps and I curse as the nib splays across the page. I need to get a grip, or I need to do something other than laying groundwork for her murder.

Shit.

I stand up and pace, my floorboards likely sick of my shit.

This place is stifling.

I stride out and head for the gear store. It was hardly a peaceful option, but then again I might be left alone. It might be assumed that I'm training to take her down. I'm not. I'm just needing to get out of my own head for a bit, I guess. Or maybe I just need to slice something up. I clip on the gear and head for the training route, staring ahead blindly and ignoring anyone on my way. They stop, they salute, they avoid my wrath. It's complete isn't it? I'm just a tag-line again. No more than the uniform on my back and the title above my head.

What're you doing out there, Alexia?

Are you alive? Are you still fighting?

Are you lonely, or relieved?

I count to ten and focus on the track. I was meant to be getting away from these pestering thoughts, not letting them grow heavier. Then again I was also meant to be figuring out how to get her back, and all I'd managed so far was avoiding smacking the invasive MP bastards. As they demanded to be a part of our mission, we'd been forced to train them, to include them in planning. It was fucking sick. As if it wasn't bad enough that I'd called her a traitor to my own regiment, but now theirs too? Somehow this world is getting worse. On and on they demanded my council, my input, my opinion. Only none of it was true. I didn't want to help them know how to take her down, I didn't want to help them, or anyone else, destroy her. I certainly couldn't tell them what I really thought. She wasn't my enemy, they were. Biting my tongue was getting tiresome, I wonder how the hell she managed it for all that time she pretended not to be a shifter.

I launch and soar, flying through the trees and using as much gas as I damn well please. Right now I can't consider efficiency, right now I'm being outright self-indulgent. I flip, I turn, I barrel around and go anywhere and everywhere. Yet it's not really helping. Every target I slice into is meaningless, every perfectly executed attack feels like a betrayal. And all the while, I feel this weird ache at my neck, remembering how I'd had to carry her to her base.

Fuck.

It's as if she's haunting me.

I land on a branch, skidding slightly and panting. She was alive. I know she's fucking alive.

How long have I been out here?

I look up, the sun was past its peak. About an hour then. I should probably head back, or else they'd start wondering where the Captain had gone. Well, fuckers, he's checked out. I sit down and lean back against the trunk, looking up at that canopy and wondering if she was doing the same. Damn, I sound like a fool. She'd likely slap the back of my head if she knew I was thinking like this. Then again, maybe she's thinking the same? Sitting there next to her firepit, drying some meat out, or repairing something damaged by the weather?

I sigh and thump my head back against the bark.

This was so frustrating.

"Captain?" I hear Jeager calling out to me from the main track. I watch him fly past, looking around intently. He had a lot better form now, didn't he? Kid had come a decent way since we first hauled him in here.

Was that our doing, or hers?

In the wake of her leaving, the kid had turned in on himself. It was like when we first met him, everything internalised. The only one he seemed able to talk with was his blonde companion. Artlet? Yeah, that was his name. Like a mini-Smith or something. I'd lost count of how many times I'd wanted to smash their skulls together, the two rookies so easily fooled into believing Alexia a traitor. Ugh, but they were just kids following orders. I'd likely have been that stupid at some point in my life right?

I grit my teeth, Jeager's call get louder.

He'd at least had his doubts about the situation, hadn't he? Occasionally dropping hints at me, asking questions about Alexia's state of mind leading up the Meghan's death. He wanted to know more, he wanted to understand. It was something, but dammit I still feel rage.

Shit, he'd spotted me, hadn't he?

He swings into view and I give a small wave of my hand, indicating that he might as well head over here. Being loud enough, for fuck's sake.

"What is it?" I ask as he lands on the branch just above me. This wasn't a dance I enjoyed any more. I was angered by the kid's willingness to follow the facade, and yet I had to keep reinforcing it. Damn, I'm a hypocrite. The kid pants a bit, apparently his stamina needed improving now that his form was on point. He sheaths his blades and sits down as well. Heck, make yourself comfortable, won't you?

"The Commander was wanting to see you, sir. He sent me to find you."

"Well, you found me." I murmur, leg swinging slightly as it hangs down from the branch.

"Are you um... are you all right, sir? Did your gear jam?"

"No."

"Did you injure yourself?"

"No, not at all."

"Um... so... what... what're you doing out here, sir?" He persists and flinches back when I look at him. I can't help the glare. Everyone else was hiding from me, so why didn't he? Him of all people. Especially considering right now all I want to do is thrash the brat. He hadn't done it since, but when he came to my office about a week after Alexia had fled, rambling on about his confusion over her betrayal, I'd nearly laid into him like I had in that courtroom. Only this time I'd have had no Niall to hold me back. My jaw tightens, she'd kick my ass too though, right? If she found out I'd hurt her pet. I grumble to myself and look at the kid a little more reservedly.

"Fancied getting away from pestering brats, why?"

"Um..."

"Something actually pressing that needs discussing, Jeager?"

"I d-don't really know, sir. I think the Commander was going to head to your office himself, but he'd seen you head for the course. He's starting to walk around himself now, y'know?" Eren says and I hate how endearing that look of hope is. I guess we're all looking for some silver-linings right now.

"Yeah, he's almost back to his usual self."

"You don't sound all that happy about it, sir."

"Guess it depends on how far back he goes." I mutter, clicking my tongue and then looking to the brat again. He jolts, intimidated by my stare as he looks away momentarily. I can't hold up this pretence much longer. His eyes turn a little soft again, and I know he's going to bring her up. Dammit kid, I'm meant to be keeping you out of all this mess. Don't make me give in?

"You um... you miss her, don't you, sir?" Eren asks, and my teeth grind together.

"Excuse me?" I snap, hands clenching into fists. Shit. How damned arrogant had this kid got that he thought he could talk to me on such a personal level? Humanity's Strongest, the Captain, didn't this brat know how to read a damned label? Eren swallows hard and clasps his hands.

"Sorry, sir. I only meant..."

"Presumptive, brat." I sigh, sitting back again and closing my eyes. I hear him shuffling about, but he isn't getting up to leave. That much is clear. I wave my hand for him to continue with his prattling. The sooner he got through it, the sooner I'd order him to run round the compound till he collapsed. It's already been a month, but it still feels like it's been a year. It's not that I'm against lying, but I am against confusing myself any further. Or him. Kid was a zealous pain in the ass, but he was also a damned decent soldier. Kudos where it was due, after all.

"I... I only ask, sir, because... lately you haven't seemed like yourself."

"You presume to know what that is?"

"Well I... s-sorry. I just meant you're different now that she um... now that she's left us and-"

"Jeager I need to ask you a question." I interrupt, having heard a few twigs break back towards the starting point of the route. Someone was walking through the woods. I look down, and what do I see? I see a fucking Unicorn wandering around. Seems like Eren wasn't the only one looking for me. But he was the only one doing it without worrying about being seen. They were still wary, I had to at least give them a little credit. They weren't entirely thick.

I stand up and draw a blade out of instinct. I hear Eren stand as well.

"Y-Yeah, Captain?"

"Why're you so quick to assume things are as they first appear?" I ask quietly, the question forming on my tongue and slipping out before I can hold it back. I just couldn't help it, that damned insignia, that damned unicorn; it made it so much harder to swallow down. Shit. I watch the MP meander around. Apparently my selfishness was reaching new depths, I was intent on involving this brat, wasn't I? Somehow I'd been the last to know, and yet I was already dragging him down to my level. Come and join the self-torture Eren, it's fucking agony. You go through every damned day, reliving that moment when she turned and ran. And every fucking time, you don't know if you did the right thing or not. I don't think I'll ever know.

When the silence continues, I glance over my shoulder to him and note the outright confusion in those easily read eyes. The kid was just following orders, I get that. Really it was a testament to his loyalty to me and Erwin as his superiors. But I can't help it. I'm pissed that he would so easily believe Alexia as a traitor. Never mind the paradox that I'd been the one enforcing the concept.

"Sir what do you..."

"Consider that the MP's are fucking everywhere, Eren. Consider that this situation is only with us in control because of what Alexia did. Consider that before you drag her name through this shit any longer." I turn and fire my wires, I need to get away from his piercing stare. It really was hard to evade him. I soar over the curious spy and making a point to dislodge some mud from my boot to land on his thick head.

When I land at the starting line, I already regret what I said to the brat. It was Erwin's job to be a damned enigma. Not mine. I sigh and sheath my blades again, what's done is done. I go to return my gear in the story before making for Smith's office. I can guess that Jeager wouldn't be far behind me in heading back. But I can't deal with that shit right now. Did I actually want to spell it out for the brat? Or was planting a seed in his head enough?

I knock on Erwin's door.

There's the scraping of a chair and then careful footsteps.

Seemed he was getting stronger all the time.

"Yes?" The door opened and revealed a slightly pale, but otherwise normal looking Commander. I nod and see surprise light his expression. As usual he looks away slightly. Since Alexia had left he hadn't met my eye, not properly. I can't decide if it's respect, or cowardice; but then again it could be both.

"Jeager said you wanted to see me?" I walk past him and make a point of sitting down in front of his desk. I normally wouldn't bother, but the idiot would likely stay standing if I did. He was getting stronger, but that didn't mean he was recovered. I glance at his desk, apparently I wasn't the only one getting through paperwork. He's trying with his left hand, it looks like his handwriting is somehow worse than that Shitty-Four-eyes.

"There's been a development in the mission planning." He says as he makes his way back over, still slightly off-kilter with his walk. Guess his whole balance must be off these days. He sits down and tries to subtly cover up the messy documents. I just stare at him and wait for him to continue. "We go next month. The only goal is finding Senefold, and bringing her back to justice. Although..."

"Yes? I'm surprised you said 'bringing her back', so if you're leading up to them wanting her dead, just say it." I say, sitting back and crossing my arms again. My hands are in fists. Erwin clears his throat.

"There have been rumblings along that line yes. So I wouldn't be surprised if on the mission, that idea was brought to light. Our members will still out-number that of the MP's on the field, but still... I didn't want you blind-sided by the idea." He looks my way, seeming fascinated by my cravat. If I was a woman I'd be wondering if he was a pervert. As his Captain, I'm growing tired of this evasion.

"I won't be. I know those bastard's want her blood. They won't get it, but I know they'll ask for it." I say, and as he nods I look to the ceiling. The silence lingers and I click my tongue at him, those eyes focus on me for a second. But it's long enough. "So you finally looked at me, Sir."

"I've been looking at you the entire time, Captain." He says with yet another clearing of his throat. I narrow my eyes at him. "Levi, what are you actually planning on doing if you do find her? If you cross the MP's out in the field, there won't be much we can argue to save your hide."

"Meet my eyes and say what you're really concerned about, Erwin. Do it now, or I'm leaving." I say, sitting forward and leaning on my knees. He frowns at the documents and hesitates. I'd never seen this man be one for pausing about anything, and it was damned surreal to see it now. "After all this time, you really gonna make me lose respect for you, over this?"

"It was on my behalf that she left." He says at long last, looking up and meeting my gaze. Finally. He found his balls at long last. Alexia would be proud. I sit back and dip my head in thanks, seeming to calm him as I lounge a little. I needed a dash of normalcy, what can I say, I'm a creature of habit. Erwin frowns. "Are you planning on leaving with her?"

"Does that concept scare you shitless?"

"I suppose it does." He answers instantly, leaning his chin against his remaining hand. The stump had moved, likely on muscle memory of clasping his hands under his chin. Creatures of habit alike apparently. "So is that your answer? You are planning on doing that, if it comes down to it?"

"No, not at all." I watch confusion return to him. He almost suited it when it was passing. I shrug. "It won't come to that. Any sign of her, I'll head in the other direction. If we did find her? Well... I'd figure something out at the time."

"Don't fall on your sword, Levi." He says, it being his turn to scrutinise me. I smirk and shake my head.

"Like she'd let me."

"I suppose not." He nods again and sighs. "We're getting closer with Historia, moving towards-"

"Like I told you before, Erwin," I interrupt, holding up a hand. "Just point me in the right direction. I get bored by politics." We share a rare smile. "You have a month to make headway, and as far as I can see, you're well enough to travel to the city. If you need a chaperone, let me know. Otherwise? We really don't need to be talking. Every time we meet alone, I know the Unicorns get nervous."

"And you don't want that?" He chuckles with a raising of his brow. Almost, Erwin, you were almost acting normal again. Not bad. I shrug and stand-up from the chair.

"I want them shitting themselves, of course. But for now, I'd rather have them docile. The calmer they are, the thicker they become." I go over to his window and look down into the compound. An MP looks my way, saluting like an idiot, to which I just nod in return. They carry on, but I see those glances, they know I'm here talking to Erwin now. They were whinnying anxiously. "And as long as they're stupid, she has a chance of coming back."

Another pause.

"You think she's really going to want to return, Levi?"

"Seems an empty gesture to save your life and then abandon us all, right?" I tilt my head, watching Jeager land on the starting line. Either he was slow, or he'd fancied blowing off some steam as well. A blonde bob of hair bounds into view, and I watch them both talk. Childhood friends, frantically searching out the truth. I hope they find it. It'd be nice to have a couple more allies around the place without me having to spoon feed them the truth. Come on, Brats, figure it out. Trust her.

"I have to ask, Levi..."

"Hm?"

"Do you resent me for this?"

"And you care, why?" I murmur, watching Jeager get more and more wound up as he vents to Artlet. They look far enough away from the MP's to avoid being overheard, but really they both needed reminding about the word 'subtle'. I hear Erwin's chair creak.

"I care because this is a delicate situation, and I need to know just how shaken things are. This regiment has only ever endured because of trust."

"So trust me." I glance over my shoulder to the old fool. He blinks, hand slowly lowering to the desk. I raise a brow at him now and continue. "Trust that I'm not some snot-nosed brat that blames the world for his problems. And at the same time, I don't blame you either. Not to mention it was her own doing. This was Alexia's choice, so I'll trust in that for now. Got it?"

"Hm... I believe I do." He nods, simpering to himself. I huff.

"Good. Here was me worrying you needed a sing-song about friendship, or a damned daisy-chain to make you feel better?"

"No, daisies make me sneeze." He murmured and I snort, finding myself almost laughing with him as the lunchtime bell sounded. "I suppose it's wrong of me, Levi, but I am grateful for what she did."

"Not wrong at all, Erwin," I sigh, watching the compound empty of bodies. Life goes on for another day. Again his chair creaks.

"No? How'd you figure, Levi?"

"It's just called being Human."

* * *

 **So yeah, wee update on how things are playing out for them. I guess not a lot happened in this update again, but I hope you all enjoyed it all the same. It's laying some groundwork for more 'exciting' chapters to come. Buuut I hope you still liked it! Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a fav, follow and or review, I looove to see reactions to my work, and you guys are awesome for it. See you in 3-4 weeks! 0-0 we'll be 3-4 episodes further in by that point... woooooooah.**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MadnessIsContagious:** I am glad you didn't find it dull! These more emotion/character development chapters ALWAYS make me nervous, I always worry people are gonna end up skimming. So yeah, I love my cliffhangers, and I know, I am so evil for them, haha! Thank you once again for your wonderful praise, I really don't feel like I merit it but ooft you really know how to make a girl grin! Haha sorry about all the feelings, they're both in a world of hurt ya know? I guess I kinda did that this time round as well... all the development... all the feels... MUHAHAHAHAHAAAA. Also *psst* what's Danganronpa? I am flattered anyway, but whaaat? And no, my tits cannot calm, they be wild beasts. I am actually kind of thrilled that you're that invested in my work, that I make you nervous by updating - is that evil? I have no idea by this point! I make no promises on whom will survive, but you're right, at this point I feel like I have shown my respect for the fandom enough that I thiiink I could get away with killing off a canon character perhaps not in their canon manner ;) so be afraid, veerrrrry afraid. Thank so much for taking the time to write such a WONDERFUL review, you really never dissapoint! See you next time!

 **Wolfenergy17:** Not going to lie, I was VERY excited that you had reviewed this story! Sorry about the um... running out of chapters thing, but you did have a good 233,459 words to read up till that point! Greedy chops. I hope the wait was worth it, I'm working to the same schedule on all 3 of my stories, 3-4 weeks ^-^ I'm thrilled you like Alex! I don't think I've had someone meet Katsumi before her yet, so it's great to know how a person feels about Senefold after Kat. She's a big part of my soul as well, that little voice ranting on whenever I have to bite my tongue. Haha, I'm glad you like the nicknames, I make myself giggle with them far too often I'm sure. Yay! You like the relationship! I think all my fics are ridiculously long now, haha, I can't help it, the ideas keep coming. I'm so happy you like this one too! Hmm... turns out you could be right about the new character, eh? Good prediction! Yeah, she showed her maternal side without even meaning to. I tend to forget about the coconut, so I wanted to use him more. I love him ^-^ he's terrifying. Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed her departure, and don't be too harsh on Eren and Armin! I hope this chapter has clarified their thinking... but yeah, they're a little fucknuggety. I enjoyed writing the more scheming side to Erwin, but as Alexia proved herself etc, I felt he needed to be developed into another direction, or else it would have become stagnant, or indeed OOC. Yes, indeed, fuck meghan. I would just like to clarify with you - I really like Mikasa as a character. I totally agree with your character summation and I totally agree that she and Alex would get along (probably...). The problem being that Alex still ain't great with people, she senses Mikasa's passion and I guess is intimidated by it. Keep in mind Alexia still doesn't really feel she has the right to impede on other people yet. I think it's wonderful how passionate you are about Mikasa, it's nice to see some Mikasa love ^-^ I could do the same about discussing characters, my friend, so easily done, haha! But anyway, you never know, there might be plans for Mikasa and Alexia to bond soon, never assume character dynamics will remain the same ;) I enjoy throwing spanners into the works. I'm so glad you like my portrayal of Hanji, I am planning on bringing her back into things now, the focus turned a bit towards the LevixAlexia train, but now other things can be explored. Historia was meant to be OOC, so I'm glad you thought that! I was meaning her to be OOC because of how much Meghan was messing with her, manipulating her, controlling her etc. It was me _attempting_ to show the reader that she could still revert back to her normal self. But I do apologise if I failed in that! I did write the drinking scene (with the smackdown) whilst drinking copious cocktails on holiday... hehe... might have gotten carried away. Yes, stay clothed, would ya? I'm honoured you're taking the time to read my other works as well. I hope you enjoy RBW but yeah, it's immensely long! Maybe review part way? I loooove your reactions, I really do. But I will say right now, the earlier chapters were literally my FIRST dabbling into fanfiction, so they're not up to standard... sorry about that! Anyway THANK YOU THANK YOU THAAANK YOU! Such a wonderful review! You're amazing! I hope you enjoyed this update! Speak soon.

 **Guest:** Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad I kept hold of your interest, it's a very long story, haha! I hope you made it this far and are still enjyoing it. Thank you so much for the praise, I will endeavour to keep the quality going! Hope you enjoyed the update, and thanks again.

 **MilkyMilky:** Really? 6-7 years? I haven't even been on this site that long, so thank you, although what did you actually think? Haha, I assume you like the story, but your review just kinda stated that you don't usually review, lol! Thanks anyway!

 **Grimm:** Sorry about the depressingness, buuut it is AOT, so it ain't all sunshine :P I hope this chapter slightly clarified where Armin and Eren were coming from for you! I'm glad you're wondering what Hanji and Erwin are thinking! Means I have you invested! Assume nothing my friend, the end may by imminent, or I might have another 100,000 words up my sleeve, WHO KNOWS! I'm glad you're still enjoying, and thank you very much for the forgiveness, haha! Hope you enjoyed the update, and thanks for reviewing! See you next time!


	39. Chapter 39

**SORRY I MADE A BRAINFART TYPO AND HAD TO CHANGE IT, YOU'RE NOW GETTING LIKE 6 EMAILS FOR THIS. SOOOOOORRY.**

 **Hello hello hello my lovely readers, this isn't an update no, sorry about that, but it is IMPORTANT if you're following me and my stories.  
**

 **My new schedule of updating every 3-4 weeks, whilst having thus far managed to keep to it, has made something kinda apparent to me. Especially in the last month. I seem to be depending on reviews for motivation - and frankly guys, that's NOT fair to you or to me. I'm going from upload to upload looking at reviews to keep me going. So that's my failing, I'm sorry about that, but apparently its a thing. *THE MORE YOU KNOW***

 **Initially I started writing these stories because I wanted to, because I HAD to in order to get the ideas out of my head after being so inspired by the Anime and Manga. But now I wonder if that still applies. I'm still loving writing them of course, don't worry, nothing is about to suddenly be dropped or rushed to the finale. I've put too much time into them to suddenly drop/abanon/rush. I just feel like I need to take some time out of the constant conveyor belt of updates. Especially when no one seems all that bothered about whether the content is there or not.**

 **CW is due for update now/within the next few days, so I do INTEND to update that BEFORE I go on Haitus. But I don't think RBW will.**

 **To sum it up. In the past month, my update for CW had 2 reviews (with 1 more a few chapters back), and RBW had 1. Now to be fair, that could simply be that you guys weren't impressed, and that you're sat there right now reading this thinking - well yeah, I didn't review because it was crap, woman, why should I? And fair enough, however, if that is the case guys... you need to tell me, I WANT to know if I'm buggering it up. I really do. I promise I can take it, believe it or not, I have a thick skin, more like a feckin' exoskeleton by this point tbh. But from silence, I don't know how anything has been received recently. I have a handful of regular reviewers that normally review without fail, and they are AMAZING to do so in such a regular manner. But seriously, newcomers, or simply silent readers, I need you guys to speak up.**

 **Is it working, is it not?**

 **Do you think more action needs to happen, more fluff, more smutt, more canon, less canon? Do I need to add some god damed flamethrower weilding unicorns?  
**

 **I ain't saying I'll follow things to the letter, but it would be intriguing to know where my readers are at.**

 **Because right now, i am flying blind.**

 **Reviews are basically my form of currency. I put a lot of effort in, I hope that is properly translated in the final product - if not, sorry. But really, if you're a writer on here and you don't review? Kinda shame on you, fellow writers should know and understand the frustration of getting nothing back after putting so much effort in. And if you are only a reader on here, give a little back to those that entertain you? I made a small slice of this issue apparent on my recent CW update, so for those of you only reading that, sorry, this is a rerun. But having moved onto working on RBW, I found myself once again dragged down by the fact I had received only 1 review in a month. 1?! For an update of nearly 7000 words. And that single review was my absolute hero in all honesty. Now to be fair again, that reviews was HUGE, amazingly so, I am NOT saying everyone needs to do the same. I respond to every review, no matter how small. (Okay I tend to ignore the 'update' ones because... bitch please)**

 **So yeah, before I burn out and end up going radio silent without meaning to, this is me officially saying to you guys that I am on temporary HAITUS. Might be one month, might be two, but at least until the 24th OF MAY, I won't like be updating anything except hopefully CW in the next couple of days (that is also a bit questionable).**

 **Don't worry, this isn't a case of "WAAH I'M NOT UPDATING TILL I HAVE ANOTHER 50 REVIEWS WAAAAH" because bugger that shit, I'm not doing that. Nothing is being held hostage here. I just find myself frustrated by the lack of communication thats going on on this site right now. It goes through peaks and valleys for sure, but right now is definitely a valley and I am feeeeeeling it! (That came our pervier than it was intended to... och well)**

 **So hopefully I will see you guys in a month. I think either way I'll post an update NOTE. So don't worry i won't disappear.  
**

 **I'll just leave it at this - please take the time to review, it takes a total of what? 30 seconds, a minute at most to type something into the review section at the bottom? If you can take a half hour (or however long) to read 7-8000 words of someone's work (which likely took them several days to write, edit, review and edit another 5 god damned times), then you can take that extra time to say 'liked this part', 'that shit was insane', 'what the hell were you thinking when you did that? Put the booze down woman your tits are out of control' or whatever you felt at the time. And not just for me, for anyone else you're reading on here. It's a labour of love Fanfiction, and I write as a career anyway, but right now? Damn do I feel drained.**

 **Thanks for your time, see you guys again on the 24/05/2017 with another note. Either extending the haitus or concluding it. Time shall tell i guess, thanks for the patience.**

 **CHEERIO MY LOVELIES, and sorry if this is a disappointment, but I know it's for the best.**

 **P.S During my haitus i will likely be doing more artwork, its great for recharging and for taking occasional breaks from my person project converting RBW into entirely my own work. So feel free to check out my Deviantart if you like, same username as on here. Similarly instagram (again same username), i'll be on there jabbering away.**


	40. END OF HAITUS NOTEINFORMATION

**Hello hello hello! Haitus is officially over, my lovely readers! I am pairing this 'notice' along with the update for Chained Wings that is coming tomorrow so I can give it another edit. But fear not fans of Red Burning Wings, and Flight From Darkness, those updates will be along next week I promise. I feel recharged, and am in fact right now having a week off from my personal project. Safe to say, the zen was needed!**

 **My new schedule of updating every 3-4 weeks will remain in place for the time being. I may alter it if I find myself becoming drained again sooner rather than later, but that will simply be a case of seeing how it goes! I certainly plan to stick to the 3-4 weeks though.**

 **If you've been following me on instagram you will likely already know this, but I have managed to do some planning for all three stories and am now feeling reinvigorated to write them. So I think that's helped with the motivation issue - BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, it's been your lovely responses to my notice. A LOT of you who have previously been silent, spoke up, and I am sincerely thankful for that! Please keep doing it, not just for myself, but for any writer you enjoy on this site. It seriously helps, and it just makes us want to write more content, which after all is likely what you want, right?**

 **Over the past month I have had a fairly steady stream of reactions from regular readers/ new faces through reviews etc and it's all been so very encouraging indeed. Thank you, sincerely thank you from the bottom of this oh so wayward heart.**

 **Reviews remain very important to me. Please let me know your reactions, all the good and bad. I have recently had a couple people wondering if my later chapters have made Levi a little too OOC (in CW and RBW I think, off the top of my head) and so when I EVENTUALLY go back over and edit these chapters up to my current standard of writing, I will be keeping an eye out for that. I mean, aside from obviously needed character development that is - if he didn't change at all, he'd be dead, right? But I looked over some recent chapters and I totally agree, I got too wrapped up in my own storylines and I think I let the consistency slip. Very sorry for that *bops nose with newspaper repeatedly* Baaaad author, haha! But you see? This is the kinda stuff I don't always notice myself! I need you guys to throw the damned potatoes at me and yell "OI! OOC woman, stahp it!" or whatever you feel at the time, and feel free to choose a softer form of produce...**

 **I am also thinking updates might become a liiiittle shorter, I started off at like 4000 or so for each, and it's gradually crept up. Dunno how strict I'll be about that though, I certainly won't cut stuff out simply to stick to that - i only mean I'll maybe not force myself to get to the 7000 mark if I haven't managed it off the cuff with what I inteded for that update. Does that make sense? Ach I dunno.**

 **I do apologise about those of you who have now been waiting 2 months for CW, but really I just ended up writing crapola for that update, and knew it was because of my mindset. Not fair to you guys, so I hope the wait is worth it for this update.**

 **So I'm glad to be back, thanks for all the wonderful support! I will be responding to reviews with each story's next update as per usual. So if you did reach out, then you will be responded to, I promise. You've all been wonderful, thank you sincerely! And to anyone still holding their tongue because they 'don't know what to say' heck, just say hi, 'i like this bit, this bit was stupid, why not more of this?' Really, I ain't expecting poetry guys. I actually loathe the stuff, so please no verse ;)**

 **I'll just leave it at this once again - please take the time to review, it really pays off. It does. It really is a labour of love fanfiction, and I'm so very glad to have had that rekindled. Thank you! Again, I'll be updating Chained Wings tomorrow. Red Burning Wings and Flight From Darkness will be getting their updates next week sometime.  
**

 **So HELLO AGAIN MY DEARS, sorry if I annoyed anyone, but I know this was for the best.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Hello!**

 **Update for CW AT LOOOOOONG LAST, EH?! I am a day late, sorry, it was actually sunny in Scotland so I went out and enjoyed a beer garden... far too much. Anyway, moving on! Sorry about the wait since before my Haitus, genuinely, but I really wasn't getting anywhere with this update beforehand. It was like 2000 words long and just... so very, very meh. So I thought it best to wait and then be able to give you guys some decent content instead!  
**

 **Thank you again to all of you that have shown your support etc. it has meant the world!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT, just Alexia my little ragamuffin ^-^ Also, a couple people have been asking about canon things recently. This fic is really rather canon divergent. There are aspects from the manga and a general direction towards it, but by no means is this canon dependant. I am being inspired by anime/manga content, I am not adhering to it.  
**

 **WARNING: MANGA SPOILERS/TECHNICALLY ANIME SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2. I have had this warning for the past few chapters, but just to reiterate, HERE THERE BE POTENTIAL SPOILERS, AND YE BE WARNED.**

 **Note: Anyone that reviewed during the haitus etc. (since like late April 2017) please see the bottom of the page and look for your name, you will have been responded to if the review came through! Thank you again for your patience, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed!  
**

 **P.S THERE'S A LOT OF SHOUTOUTS SO JUST KEEP SCROLLING. The sooner you did it, the closer to the bottom you'll be, i think.**

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

There was no escaping it. Two months almost to the day since she fled, and I have a memo sitting in front of me. It might as well be a loaded gun pointed at my chest. How had I known this was coming, and yet still find myself thrown through a loop? They planned to head back to the forest where that Female Titan tore us all apart. I had to return there, where I let my team down, where I finally accepted that I gave a damn about Alexia, I had to return there to hunt her. For once the MP shits had been clever, and decided that forest made the most sense considering me and Alexia had sought refuge there. Of all the times for them to actually use their brains. I made a point of assuring them that I had seen no base. We had hauled up in a tree somewhere and made do. I doubt they believed me, but then again I doubt they thought I cared. I didn't. I don't. The only thing I do care about, is keeping her safe. I hadn't managed to do that very well whilst she was here, so I had to at least try and do it now.

Not sure whether I'm succeeding or not.

Since that day he found me in the training forest, during this damned tedious planning period, Jeager had generally avoided me. In a way, I'm grateful. I think the kid is confused, and in all honesty I can't blame him. Not at all. I'd thrown a spanner in the works for him and not bothered to follow it up. Maybe I was just becoming a bit of a shit? I'd love to figure it out for myself, to spread sunshine and rainbows all over the compound, but I just don't have the energy. What little sleep I do manage to hold onto, its filled with her slipping away into the woods. Of her speaking about simply ending her life. It scared me more than I cared to admit. On and on Erwin would ask what I had talked to her about in the woods. But I couldn't tell him. The suddenly compassionate bastard was already plagued by guilt. For some reason I wanted to spare him more. Not to mention the fact that if I said it out loud, if the words passed my lips, it made them real. She was ready to die. Shit. It was the one thing I thought I could depend on, her fighting spirit. How the hell had she lost that without me realising? Or was it simply the straw had finally broken her back?

I stand at the training ring, meant to be helping some Unicorns sort their posture out or some shit. But my mind drifts, it wanders to high trees, shielded campfires, rough bark under my hands and sudden dousing in ice-cold water. Fucking hell she better still be alive.

"Oi! Captain!" My non-existent attention is dragged back. I continue to do the act.

They were decent enough at hand-to-hand, they were used to beating people up after all. But right now, we were trying to sort out how they held their blades. I'd seen better dexterity in a three puppy gnawing on a bone. Were their hands actually just stumps? They were supposedly graduates that got into the top-ten, but clearly a couple too many years doing fuck-all had sent them right back to square one. It was laughable. I jump over the railing and sort out the handling yet again, them blushing. I'm sure I look ready to commit murder. What they don't know, is that I crossed that point about a month prior. Two months of nothing but worrying and dodging questions. I wasn't built for this, I was built for action. And now? Now the action I would achieve was getting out there and hunting her down. Fucking great.

I get back out the ring and bark at them to resume the exercise, noting a movement to my left and glancing over. Dammit all. Jeager was headed this way and judging from that slightly demented look, the kid had decided to ask for answers finally. Creepy little bastard was either a whimpering shit, or a psychotic maniac. I can see why she likes him.

"Captain Levi, sir. I need to speak with you about the upcoming mission. I'm just wondering about my placing in the formation." He says with a salute in place, and lie clear as day. To me anyway. The unicorns don't even glance up.

When they first arrived they had looked at the kid like he was a bomb waiting to go off. It was ridiculous, and thankfully after their third bout of reprimanding from myself and Erwin combined, they'd finally got it into their heads. Jeager was on our side. His loyalty was not up for questioning.

I set my jaw and nod to him. "I'll talk to you in the gear store, Jeager. I need to polish my wires anyway."

"Yes, sir!" Jeager salutes and marches off. I look to my practising prats and lie about their impressive progress. Hopefully they dropped their blades if they got the chance to attack her, with any luck they would drop them into their own feet.

I head over to the gear store, noting that weird Scarf Girl staring after me. Don't worry, I don't swing that way, woman. He wants to talk to me, you can suck his dick later. I stop and sigh at myself. Great, now I was becoming a vulgar shit too? Not my finest hour.

Something had to give, I can feel it bubbling under the surface.

I knew it was going to break out soon.

"All right, Jeager what's the issue?" I bark when entering, and anyone present that wasn't called Jeager, scattered out. I knew how to clear a room at least. I lean against the door once the other brats had scampered off, and I stare at him hard. His eyes remained determined, but that mouth was wobbling uncertainly. "Spit it out, I have shit to do."

"S-Sir, please." He starts, wringing his hands together. "I keep running it through my mind, what you said a while back? In the forest. I... I want to believe that she didn't betray us, of course I do, but... b-but I'm just so damned confused."

"Didn't get anywhere by talking it out with the Blonde one then?" I quip, still a little irritated that Jeager automatically got to vent his crap out with someone. He stares at me, blatantly confused. I sigh and think for a moment. "Artlet, or something? The little one that follows you as much as the Scarf Girl. Always has a book in his hands?" I roll my eyes and he jolts.

"Armin? Oh y-yeah... I mean, I had to talk to someone, I felt like my head was going to explode. Please sir, just be straight with me. I can't stand the secrets, and with the mission coming up I just wanna know where I stand."

"We all do." I snap. "The hell makes you so special that you should be given a full explanation?"

He flinches back. Dammit, there I go again. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. I knew why he was frustrated, I knew why he came to me, hell I knew I was at fault here. But I was so fed up with questions, pointless meetings and lying awake at night trying to figure out how to _not_ kill her. Kid you do not want to cage me right now.

"What you said in the forest," Jeager tries again, shifting his weight. His voice then dips to a whisper _before_ I was forced to punch his loud mouth in the throat. "I... sir, I just can't stand to think that I've put my faith in the wrong person again. It's stupid, and childish, but I... I can't take that again." He says between his teeth, and dammit when I notice the tears lingering in his eyes I feel like I'm looking in a damned mirror. Guess I wasn't the only one swimming in confusion right now. Although at least I wasn't actually teary eyed. I hadn't reverted to a snivelling brat just yet.

I sigh into a slight groan, so very tired. But that wasn't this brats fault; by this point I have no idea whose fault it really is.

I'd throw him a bone.

"Look... when Meghan spat out how you gained your shifting ability, when you found out you'd eaten your own father, when Alexia found out she had eaten someone too, the fuck did she do?"

He looks at me.

He blinks.

I can see the gears turning in his mind, and I know I just likely robbed him of a good night's rest. The tears roll down and his mouth wobbles open and shut a few times.

"Sir... what do you mean...?" He whispers, hands clenching at his sides. My human is showing kid, and I'm sorry about that.

I move towards him, the kid flinching back again.

"Did she wallow in her own pain? Did she leave you to wallow in yours? No, brat, she fucking didn't. She swallowed hers down for your sorry-ass sake. She choked down that bombshell and sought out your damned peace-of-mind."

"I-"

"Do you really suppose someone who can do that, could have been planning on betraying you all along?" I demand. My voice is harsher than I intended, but dammit I can't help this anger. She wasn't here to feel it, so I would instead.

Eren swallows hard and looks to the floor, I watch his ears turn pink. He had more tells than a fucking pop-up book.

"I... I didn't think of it that way, sir."

"Of course you didn't, you're just a kid." I murmur and he looks up with what I dare to think as hope. I glare. "It's the only reason I haven't kicked the shit out of you already." I click my tongue and glance to the door, "just don't repay her with a slap in the face, Eren. She's had enough of that in this lifetime I think."

"Yeah I know, but sir, can I ask one more thing? She... before she left, even with what she did for me in mind... she betrayed us right? She outright said it, you and the Commander too. I just want it clarified. Am I being thick to hope that it was all an act?" He sniffs and I look his way, unable to stop myself grimacing as he cries in front of me. Dammit, my human is showing, but I'm not a fucking Nanny. Keep in context kid, fuck.

I smooth my hair back. "When she so-called betrayed us. What did she actually do? She murdered that MP wench in order to save the Commander. That's about the long and short of it, kid. Everything else..." I grit my teeth and sigh, a small weight leaving my shoulders. "It's smoke and mirrors."

"Really?" He breathes excitedly. "Just a trick? To what? Distract the MP's?"

"For the time being." I say with a nod. I don't know if this is the right choice or not. But the kid's eyes are shining with something I recognise now. Clarity. It had struck home and that strange determination was creeping back into view. That's the Jeager I need right now. The maniac so driven to succeed that he came back from the dead to do it. "You get it now, brat?"

"Yeah." He nods, looking to the side and then back to me, standing upright. "Sir, I assume this is a secret?"

"Obviously."

"Can I speak to Armin about it?"

"You know the definition of a secret, right?" I mutter with narrowed eyes, and the kid's mouth opens and closes a few times.

"I kn-know sir, but please, he's had his own doubts too, and really I think we could utilise his-"

"Tell Artlet, but that's it, Jeager. It sucks to have her name sullied, but we can't risk the MP's finding out. Otherwise them co-operating with us ends, and then we can't keep them from hurting her." I say curtly, hoping he might somehow ignore the blatant hypocrisy that I'm spouting, considering I just blathered it to him.

He nods. "So on the upcoming mission, sir, how're you going to avoid her being caught?"

"I'll think of something, Jeager. With any luck she won't be able to be found anyway. You're still on my Squad and I expect you to trust me explicitly this time. No dumbass second guessing. Even if it looks like I'm about to slice her nape open then and there, trust nothing. Or even if I do... know I'm doing it for the right reasons?" I add, knowing that eventually it could come to that.

He looks horrified. "But... b-but sir how can you even consider kil-"

"If it's a choice between death and being dragged back to the MP's cells? Which do you think she would choose? Eren, if she asked me to kill her in that moment... I'm sorry, but I won't be able to refuse that."

"But she's fought so hard!" He exclaims and I just stare at him, it would take time, but I see it starting already.

It starts in his eyes, they dull a little as his mind really considers that choice. We had all seen her when she came back from the MP's. We had all witnessed how broken she had become. I couldn't let that happen again.

"Y-You could really do it?" He breathes and I shrug.

"I would hope so... but then again I've not exactly been a selfless bastard lately. Guess we'll found out, if and when we find her."

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

I slip down into the undergrowth and enter my stalking stance. Hunting hadn't been on my to-do list for quite some time, but the instinct remained. The air around me stills, I feel my muscles tighten. I take a deep breath and pull the string of my bow back. It creaks softly and the bristles caress my cheek. Perfect. Now then, just stay still for me.

One.

That's right.

Two.

The deer saunters into my firing line and I take a deep breath.

Three.

I release the arrow and watch it soar through the trees, striking home and sending the deer slumping to the ground. Right in the eye; and yet it didn't even see it coming. Just like that the life faded from it, an instant kill. At least I had a decent hide to gather as well. I walk over, twigs cracking under my feet and cool breeze shifting my longer hair. It had been a whole two months now, hadn't it? No wait. Two months and one week? Yeah. But still, the loneliness stings as much as ever. Was it made worse by my lingering 'guest'? I could only assume so, I can't imagine he was making things better. I kneel down and watch the last few twitches leave its body.

"Sorry," I murmur before slicing down into it's neck and getting the bleeding properly started. I haul it up onto a branch and let the blood gather in my pail. It made for decent camouflage – at least I think it did. Whenever I painted the trunk and outer branches of my hovel with animal blood, Titans never came near. But then again it could have been coincidence. Still, waste not, as they say. There was a time I disregarded 'they', but now it felt like a small link back to HQ, so I'd heed 'their' words for the time being. Damn, I was getting to be a right saddo.

Some rumbling footsteps catch my attention, and as I look through the trees I see an inane grin gleaming back. Its eyes aren't on me though, simply walking through the woods, lost and alone. Dammit, was I actually finding common ground with a Titan? New low, Alexia, new low. I watch it meander by and wonder where it thought it was going, then again maybe it didn't. I sigh and tilt my head as the creature bumps into trees.

"South ya idiot. South is where the trees thin out." I mumble and it gives a low groan, not in response obviously but to my sad little lonely self, I'll pretend it was. "Now, now don't go disbelieving me just because I'm a woman. I mean I know you technically look like a man... but you don't have the dangly bits, so really you should at least _try_ listening, okay?" I coo at it, chuckling to myself as I realise I sound like Hanji.

Would she have more experiments by now? I cut into the hide and start scraping it free of the deer's meat. Bit by bit, I read it's story and peel back it's defences. Had Hanji ever tried skinning a Titan? Would that even work? Nah, she'd get burnt, wouldn't she? I swallow hard and wipe the blade clean when it starts to slip in my hands. The royals had certainly seen if it worked with me. I pause and look up. The clear blue that winked between the canopy's leaves was a comfort. It wasn't a cell, but then again, considering what was waiting back at my hovel, it might as well have been. I look Southward and gnaw on my lip. The blood trickles melodically into the pail. I can't outrun him, he can turn into that hairy weirdness and catch me. That much had been made clear the last time.

I shudder.

One night, when Zeke had fallen asleep early, his wine having had a little addition to it courtesy of my affiliation with herbs, I made for freedom. I grabbed a pack of supplies, and I shifted a few miles into the woods. I ran all night, I ran till my vision swum. But there he was, as soon as I stumbled I could hear him. Lumbering behind me, and a swarm of Titans hounding me down. I still don't know how he did it, but I certainly didn't want to lead him back to HQ with that kind of entourage.

It takes very little time to skin the deer, and gather the good meat. The bones could be left to be picked clean by handy crows. Then I'd be able to use them for repairs back at the hovel. I can't bring myself to say or think the word 'home'. It didn't feel right. Not with him there. My packs are full and won't retain the moisture for long, so I fire back up into the branches carefully and head back. The blood sloshes in the pail. If I was gone too long, Zeke would get antsy and then I'd just be in trouble again. I'd thought about leaving again so many times, but really it was pointless. Beyond the fact I couldn't outrun him, I didn't want to risk the Scouts coming for me and missing me. I didn't want Levi to think I'd just run off. He'd be far too pleased about it for my liking, and I wasn't ready to give up on returning to HQ just yet. Even if I was becoming a puppet with every passing day.

I land without a sound, but still he appears from the upper level like clockwork. Dammit, I didn't seem to be able to have one moment in my hovel without him peering over those glasses, studying me and taking note of my behaviour. After his repeated grabbing on my nape, something strange had started to happen, and I still don't know how to bloody fight against it. I take off the packs and start to unwrap the meat. Some would be cooked fresh, most would be dried into long term supplies. The hide would do well for the winter. However, I can't deny how my throat pinches at the idea of me being here that long. Please no.

"Looks like you did well today, nice haul." He drawls, wandering over and nudging the hide with his boot. I grit my teeth but just nod, the tremble at the base of my spine not unfamiliar. I just hate that someone other than Levi had managed to cause it. "Now, now don't sulk. I gave you praise, you enjoy praise, don't you?"

"Yes, Zeke."

"No. C'mon, what did we discuss?" He purred, kneeling down beside me.

I refuse for a moment, staring hard at my blood streaked hands and trying to find what I used to know as my own strength. It seemed to have abandoned me recently.

"Senefold." He snaps and I groan, knees instantly weakened and breathing at a desperate pant. There was no fighting this, and it wasn't part of the docile act either.

Conditioned like a damned dog.

I could so easily recall how I'd flinched and wavered before Levi following his orders within the cells. But nothing like this. My body is attuned to this Chief's voice now, reacting to him like a freshly broken cadet. Or a slave. He stares at me with those pale eyes, and once again I find myself unable to read them. For all his righteous talk of goodness, of the 'true path', he had a cruelness I had never witnessed before. Meghan had been vicious, and had believed herself on a higher level than me, but this shithead believed himself better than every single person within the walls. I pant between teeth, trying to break this reaction. My eyes water.

He smiles. "Now then, you know how this goes, obey and the pain will stop, yes?"

"Yes." I nod, my voice coming out at little more than a whimper. I feel sick just hearing it. He nods and cups my chin in one hand, stroking my jaw like I'm his damned cat. One day, I will claw him to pieces.

"Now then, what is my name to you?"

"Chief." I spit out, nails scraping against the woodwork as the shuddering makes my whole body vibrate. It was exhausting beyond everything else. He grins and those glasses flash in the paling light of the day.

"Good girl." He breathes, "don't worry Alexia, I'll bring him to you, your little Eren. Together, we shifters are going to change everything, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"We're going to fix everything that was ruined by false leaders, and their hollow lies. Yes?"

"Yes." I choke, and he nods, hand moving round to my nape where he strokes three times.

I rag-doll instantly. I was getting sick of the taste of splinters. A proper lungful is finally gulped down my throat and I feel the trembling subside.

"You're improving, but we clearly have a long way to go... do you keep forgetting my threats? Is it that you actually have a memory defect?" He tilts his head, it being a rhetorical question as he pushes my hair back. "You had your hair shorter before, didn't you? Would you like it re-cut?"

"Yes, Chief." I reply, staying entirely still otherwise. He smirks and grabs a fistful of hair, tugging me up and holding me at the awkward angle, neck bent back and chin jutted to the sky.

"Tough, I rather like it longer. You'll fit in better back home with it long. Ladies do not wear their hair like warriors." He says, warm breath tickling my lips. I decide to withhold my observation that he had longer hair than I did at this point, so really he was just being a hypocritical fucktard. Then again, he was a righteous bastard, he didn't care about hypocrisy, it flowed through him like the blood in his veins. How I wish to start bleeding him out sooner rather than later.

But that was just it. I had to be patient. For the time being I was learning things, I was getting snippets of his plan and being able to form my own. I knew there would eventually be a mission sent out to find me. The MP's wouldn't let things slide entirely. Soon enough I would hear flares, I would see coloured smoke in the sky. They would come, and that would be my chance. Even if it was only to get there, spout the information at the first ally I met and then find myself back in chains, or with a 3DM blade jutting out my nape. It would still be worth this shit, it would mean I'd helped, that I hadn't just run away like a coward all over again.

If I got the chance, though? Oh how I'd tear this beast of a man apart. I'd rip him limb from limb and listen to his screams like the birdsong of dawn. I'd break these hands that grab at me, slap me, torment me. I'd gouge those beady eyes out, listen to them pop and I'd sigh in bliss as my nails scraped back into his spongy mind. Dammit, I want it now. Now. But my temptation has to be withheld. Missions took a long time to plan, especially when taking into account the Commander wouldn't likely be along for the ride. At least I assume he won't be. Lopsided horse-riding might not work very well, but then again if he tilted his head, then the brows might balance things out.

Finally Zeke lets go of my hair and lets me scramble to my feet. I wait for him to move away before I return to dealing with the kill, this damned incessant dance grating on my nerves. Bad authority I could deal with, flat-out maniacs I could predict, but this guy... I didn't know where he was from, or where his head was. Other than wedged between his pent-up ass-cheeks, of course.

"The time draws near, Alexia. Are you going to be ready to show me your loyalty?" He asks, and I take a second before looking up with obedient eyes.

Turns out, with a couple days practise and beatings, I could pull off a decent act when called for it. And when I could actually be bothered.

He looks at me hard and then nods. "Good, I need you in full co-operation before those fools come traipsing out here. Scouting Legion...hah. Just what the hell do they think they can accomplish?"

"Freedom." I reply quietly, and when his eyes snap back to me with that anger, I just swallow and shrug. "It's all they talk about, Chief."

"Indeed..." he narrowed his eyes and then looked to the canopy again. I wonder how much he would suit a blade in his ass as well as his neck. He would make a decent centrepiece for a feast, that was for sure. Couple daisies coming out of his nose and ears, perfect. "Well, we know the real price of freedom, don't we, Alexia?"

I nod.

"Mm. Seems like the world is intent on remaining off kilter when left to its own devices. We just need to redirect it." He muses to himself, and I busy myself with cooking instead of making the dramatic gagging noises I want to. Half the time he simply didn't make sense, and the other half, he just annoyed me.

I prepare the meal, I pack away the supplies. Thankfully silence takes to the air again, but I know it won't last long. When I look to the sky and only see the midday point, I sigh heavily. C'mon days, stop being so long. As least at night I can curl up and pretend to be somewhere else. At least at night I can close my eyes and pretend to be someone else.

"My, my..." he murmurs when I start to add more twigs to the fire. Steam rises from the kettle. When nothing else comes from him I look his way with a raised brow, he obviously wanted my attention. He grins and I know something bad just happened. Slowly he raises his arm, pointing to the sky. I follow his gesture and feel my blood run cold. Green smoke. I stand up and turn, skin tingling as I think of what to do, of how to run. Dammit. They weren't far off at all. If they had only appeared whilst I'd still been out, if they had only... my thoughts falter. Zeke is still grinning.

"Chief?"

"Seems like I get to test you out sooner rather than later. Well... I say test, you don't really have a hell of a lot of choice in the matter do you?" He comes towards me and I flinch back, his grin broadening, I lean away. "We have work to do, Senefold."

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

Usually I crave that moment. That moment of release, of being under that blue expanse and getting to take a second to be grateful it isn't the ceiling of the Underground. That moment I know that I'm back in my element. I wasn't built to be around people, to walk around aimlessly from day to day and do fucking paperwork. I was meant to fight. It's the only way I really know how to live. But now? On this mission, knowing every pound of my horse's hoof is bringing me closer to potentially having to kill her? I ride with my head down, willing my horse to somehow go slower without these MP bastards noticing.

The formation spreads out and we have ridden without issue for a good few hours. There's been no delay of any kind. Had the world decided her time was up? No signals other than the odd green redirection. Erwin had stayed behind thankfully, but Hanji was frantic as ever. At least she wasn't in my squad, so I could attempt focusing. To an extent anyway. I can feel Jeager watching me, and beyond it being bloody annoying, it wasn't exactly subtle. We have one MP in our squad, and the idiot keeps yelping whenever the crack of a flare fires into the air. It doesn't seem to even occur to him that he is likely on the safest squad possible. Then again, this was a whole new world to him, wasn't it? Perhaps he could be kind enough to take that back to his drinking buddies.

Far too soon, I see that darker patch of green. My gut clenches. Last time I saw them, they were a refuge, a means to an end. They almost gave me hope at that time. But now, I know I had hoped not to see them for a lot longer than this. But there they were, right where we left them. Scouting Legion cloaks would still litter the undergrowth, and broken blades would jut out of the unyielding bark. Dammit. It was nothing more than a graveyard now. Except that one tree. That pale oak standing tall. Was she still going to be there? Was she going to be hidden? Was she going to be safe? Would she be sleeping still, hauled up in her home, under a blanket, grumbling at the birds when they finally woke her up? Nah, she'd already be awake, she'd have been hunting or doing repairs. Each day a new list of things to do. I hope.

I hold the reins tighter.

If I was going to manage to help her, I had to be thinking clearly.

This was not clearly.

This was nostalgia driven daydreaming.

At the head of the formation, it being a smaller one specifically for this mission, I see a red flare pierce the sky. But I don't see a titan. No, instead I can see the trees rustling and it seemed to be caused by more than a gust of wind. Birds are flying up, and their frantic calls gradually echo towards us. At least for now it was only the birds calls. The hell was that coming out of the trees? The whole canopy seems to be moving. I raise my flare gun and fire a red warning for those behind us. But its barely a split second before three Titans have appeared. Two tens and a twelve lumbering out and groaning. But they weren't big enough to have upset the canopy. Something else was coming. The formation parts, and a couple teams go in. But I fire another flare, yelling at them to retreat. I hope Hanji has the same instinct. I can't tell what that thing is yet, but it's big.

Was it her?

Was she trying to escape in her titan form?

That made no sense, she knew these woods better than any of us, so why not just slink off into the darkness? She could be on the other side, disappearing forever, if she went in her human form. So this made no sense. The first Twelve meter groans into the ground, only two to go then.

"Holy Shit!" I hear a random cry and I look back to the trees.

I have to take a second to accept what I'm seeing.

The hell...

It's huge.

The Titan, at least I think that's what it has to be, leers out of the woods, sharpened teeth glinting as it smiles. There's an intelligence in that gaze that makes me cold to the bone. Alexia? I'd never seen her like that, covered in fur and looking ape-like. Why would she chose that form for right now? It didn't seem like it was great for fighting, but then again, what do I know? I can only assume its to throw the MP's off, to really confuse the situation. Well congratulations, Alexia, it's worked a bit too well.

"Captain, what should we do?!" The MP git on my Squad demands. I just shake my head at him. He can assume I'm panicking, I don't care, I'm only a hair away from that anyway. I had to figure this out. What was this about, and why had she-

She roars.

It gives out a long call, like the Female Titan did. Calling in reinforcements?! What the hell is she doing? The ground shakes and I can only guess at how many are swarming towards us right now. Too many. The forest groans, and I'm sure there's shapes moving in from the plains as well. The formation tries to regroup, but one squad has already been taken down.

She laughed.

I look up and watch those dark eyes crinkle.

No, no way.

That isn't Alexia.

Even at her coldest, she had valued life, even when we first dragged her inside the walls she had cared about the soldiers she found. She wouldn't find that kind of thing amusing. Death sickened her, I had seen those tally marks myself, I had seen the scars she refused to let heal. That Beast wasn't her. Hell, I don't know much, but I know her. There is no way that's Alexia. The trees rustle again and I watch birds take to flight.

The Beast looking one had called something else in?

Shitting hell.

I need to get into those trees to find-

There she is.

Another shape appears. She falls out of the forest and onto the plains. But literally falling, like a dog having tripped on it's own leash. In the stumble, she falls into several Titans and takes them out in the process. I can only hope that was on purpose. It's her. It's definitely her. This time she seems a little smaller though, about twelve metres or so. Her form is slender this time, agile, but her hands are hooked at the ends in black crystal. Built for battle, but not as heavily as she could be.

But she had definitely come when he called.

Hadn't she?

Or had she come to help us?

My mind whirs, but my thoughts go blank when she roars as well. It's feral as it rips out of her, feeling like it's tearing right through me as well. She's in pain. When she looks up, I cringe back from that hollow gaze. It was her, or it used to be. What was this? In two months, what had happened to her? I mean, at least she was alive, but what had been given up in place of that? The taller one, that Beast looking shithead growls at her and at first I think they're going to fight. Or maybe 'hope' is the right word. But instead she stands upright, rigid and panting. She waits. The battlefield rages on, steam billows everywhere, but she's just standing there.

Waiting on what?

Orders?

Permission?

My teeth grind together as I try to figure this out, but before I can even really attempt it I have to take out a ten metre Abnormal heading our way. It doesn't take much and my squad are thankfully right where I left them when I land back down. Gore steams off my cloak and blades, but I just watch. I can't lose sight of her now. The monkey one gestures to our flanks. He growls again. Alexia groans, going on all fours, claws digging into the ground as her back arches. At first I have to wonder that she's gearing up to run, but no I know she isn't. That wasn't a growl of anger, or a snarl of aggression, it was a definite groan of effort. She's trying to fight something, she's trying to break something holding onto her.

This wasn't right, but at least it kicked my dumbass head into gear.

I look to Jeager, but the kid's bamboozled, he can't look away and is absolutely terrified.

Can't blame him.

"Eren!"

"Y-Yes, sir!" He balks, that gaze on me in a second.

"You could order her, right? Before she left, you managed to compel her?" I demand and he blinks at me, nodding, but uncertainly. Great to know he had some confidence in himself.

I look around, and see a clear shot to the side. It wasn't much, but it was big enough for our squad. We had to use anything we could. I feel like that Beast guy has a purpose, that this isn't just random. He's looking for someone, and as usual, I can just guess they were looking for Jeager. Little shit was way too popular. Especially if that's another damned shifter, and judging from our luck? It would be. And judging from the way he had laughed at the deaths of us, he wasn't an ally like Alexia. Seemed like the world heard we were preparing to tackle an enemy, and decided to provide the real thing.

"Orders, Captain!" Begs the MP and I just ignore him, keeping my eyes focused on Eren. The kid does well to heed that look, his eyes blinking hard and focusing on me hard.

That's it kid, we agreed you'd trust me.

"We make for that flank. Once free of the group we ride, ensuring that she, or both, follow us. Then, when we're further away, Eren you're gonna transform. We need to try and get these two bigger ones away from here. It's Alexia and some other guy."

"Another shifter?!" Squeaks the MP, and in all honesty I'm surprised he figured that out.

"Well it hardly looks like your average Titan, does it? I'm assuming a shifter for now. Come on, we need to let the formation deal with the swarm and try to separate these shifters from the group. Without the swarm they're more vulnerable."

"But then we'll be contending with them alone!" Yells the MP manically.

An added advantage to this plan being that, away from the other MP's I could knock him out and try to get to Alexia.

Dammit I hope this works.

"Stick close to us and do not break away." I demand before firing a green flare and leading the charge. We break away to the right and charge hard. I can hear her claws against the earth. I can hear a growl of command. I can feel the thundering stride of our persuers. They're almost catching up with the thundering of my heart.

Come on Alexia.

Remember your orders.

* * *

 **Well there we go! Action has kicked off again and Alexia is back to fighting form... mainly ;)**

 **Please leave a fav, follow AND or Review, I love to hear from my readers, and it really keeps me going knowing that people are enjoying the content!**

 **See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **SHOUTOUTS (I'm going from the earliest to the most recent so if you reviewed within the last month you might be closer to the bottom! I'm also gonna list what chapters you're talking from/about, to help)**

 **Kitsmits chpt 34:** I can fully understand getting wrapped up in your own work! Glad to have you back though ^-^ I'm glad you like the development of the characters. I think some readers are more bothered by it than others, but looking at it simply as an author (not just as a fan) I have to try and develop them in some fashion, right? Glad you like how I've worked with Erwin, he has been a lot of fun to write over the past few chapters! Haha, my DA account really needs updated, I haven't done pictures from chapters for FAR TOO LONG. I actually have three stories, haha, I am a writer by trade so a high word count isn't an issue for me. But as my Hiatus showed - even I can burn out, haha! Also my 3-4 week schedule has really helped out with the strain. It's all about what you personally feel you can do. I updated far too frequently when my first fic, RBW, had just started, and I ended up catching up on myself. I look back and despair, haha! Good luck with your own story!

 **Grimm chpt 38:** Oh someone is caught up on the manga, haha! Don't assume it's near the end because Zeke has turned up, I have many many plans still. And this is veeeery canon-divergent after all. I am also not planning on following the manga that closely at all - personally I'm finding it a little frustrating of late so I likely won't follow it's plan. Yeah she is a bit too mouthy for her own good, but then again I don't think I ever claimed her as super smart, haha! Hope you've enjoyed the update and hope you're still around! Thank you for being one of my regulars, you're a star for it. See you soon!

 **MadnessIsContagious96 chpt 38:** Ah my old faithful ^-^ brings me such joy to see your name pop up in my emails for reviews. I hope I didn't disappoint you with my haitus, after all you are one of the reasons I was managing to keep going anyway. Right, to your review. I'm glad you're finding things too investing to skim, that means a lot. I am mean for cliffhangers - that cannot be denied at this point, pfft! Argh it makes me so genuinely happy to know I can make people react that much, to cringe, be on the edge of your seat, grin, it's all amazing. Thanks for highlighting that. 'insane writer' I love that, I am all too happy to take that title on. Thank you! Oh I see, thanks for clarifying about the game haha. The state of my tits shall endure, beast mode 24/7 ;) I am sorry about the nervous wreck thing though, haha, don't actually want to make you ill! Then again maybe I do... muhahahhaa. I like to bring the fear, I never want people to be able to assume what I'm doing, it was why I played around with canon aspects. And I'm thrilled you love it so much! Haha, I'm thrilled I've managed to make you find Zeke creepy, I was aiming for that in all honesty, so YEAS, the nail has been hit! Alexia cannot get a damned break, but that's because I'm rather evil to my characters... my bad. If they ever became real, I am so very very dead. Levi's emotion is always hard to do, I never want to go over the top, but I also want to show how he has developed in that area too. Like walking a tightrope man! I know what you mean by being unable to form the words - and frankly I'm amazed that MY work has meritted that reaction, so thank you for being overwhelmed, that is seriously astounding to me! Oooo I like 'refreshing' I really do! Thank you ^-^ thank you for talking my ear off, I love it every single time, and again thank you for being one of my wonderful regulars. I hope you're still around after my Haitus, and I hope the wait was worth it, again I apologise about that. See you soon!

 **Guest (if you've reviewed a few times, sorry, there is no name)chpt23:** I'm always amazed at people's stamina when they manage to binge read that far! WHOA! Haha, glad its addictive, and I hope it's addictive in the best kind of way. If you've made it this far, thank you for reviewing, and I hope it remained addictive the whole way through!

 **Guest (i believe you also commented on RBW, but that can be responded to when I update that) Chpt39:** I appreciate the preface of your review, and am glad that you can understand my standing on the issue of lacking feedback. However, I would like to think I'm allowed to request feedback from my readers. As I said, it's my form of currency, and considering how often/consistently I do update when in the full swing of things, I don't really see it as an issue. The story had been updated only the month before, considering some stories go multiple months without a word, I feel I do okay. I am sorry though if I disappointed you in that aspect. Not my intention! I do regret not updating this story before my haitus, but I simply couldn't summon the energy for it. That is my failing, and I apologise profusely for the wait. As you are a writer yourself, I'd hope you could empathise with that. In the issue of 'retaining readership' I'm afraid, if people stopped reading my stuff simply because I didn't update for a month, having explained why and also outlined when I'd be back, then I'm not sure I want their readership. Especially if they're also silent readers simply demanding more content for absolutely nothing. As a writer, I'm sure you can understand how much effort goes into this line of work. I would also add, my emphasising what little reviews I got, was only to outline how little return I was getting for all that content. I never ever intended to belittle anyone. I always respond to reviews, I always thank people, I always show my appreciation, so no I don't see that as belittling what those people had done for me. My fans know how much I value their words, and my regulars especially so. If anything, those sole reviews were incredibly important, but i do apologise if that didn't come across properly. Again, totally my failing. I do hope to have not lost readers by having to take a break, but really, I had to. There was no other choice. Either that or totally burn out and give up on the projects altogether. I hope this has all been clear, and I hope to have not annoyed you by responding to your review. Thank you for getting in touch though, if I ever have to take a Haitus again, I'll definitely do my best to have updated my work as close to the time as possible, it's a note I'll keep hold of for sure. Thank you! I hope the wait was worth it, if you're still around that is.

 **Sweets chpt39:** Hi Sweets, glad to meet you! Feedback is so very, very valuable, never underestimate the importance of your opinion to a writer! A lot of this writing is for me, it's essentially my downtime from my main projects, but it really does help to know that people appreciate the content - hope that makes sense, haha! Oh wow, i'm so glad you like Alexia, she is a bit of a handful. Yay! I'm thrilled you enjoy her interactions with the other characters, it's always interesting to see how my OC's will interact, and she was a daunting prospect, haha! I wanted to ensure she wans't Overpowered, which I find is a big issue with a lot of shifter fics. I wanted her to still be human, flawed etc. so I'm glad you see that as a positive! Yeah, she is a bit of a mess when it comes to her own emotions, haha, and again I'm so thrilled that you see that as a positive. It's great to know how people react to my own characters. Gives me hope for my independent stuff, y'know? Haha, you want them back together, trust me, so do I! I like that idea a lot actually, who knows what the future will hold. I will certainly keep that note i mind, so watch this space I guess. Your review was a wonderful thing to read! So thank you, sincerely thank you. I appreciate the opinion and feedback! I really do. The Haitus has done me the world of good. So I'm hoping to be back to my regular 3-4 week schedule, see you then hopefully! And again, thank you for speaking up! Hope to hear from you again soon!

 **ThePatientGenius (awesome name) chpt39:** I have found that a lot of my 'silent readers' say that they don't know what to say, but really anything is amazing. And you were beyond that! I'm honoured to be one of your favourites! Alexia is my little rage monster - I am always so giddy when people take to her. It's one thing to write fanfiction in itself, but to have people learn to love my own characters as well? It's awesome! Wow, unlike any other? I'm honoured yet again, damn thats amazing praise, thank you! Argh, your summation of Alexia is so touching, I'm ecstatic that you get her and seem to enjoy her so much! Thank you! Concerning the story itself: THANK YOU. I cannot agree more, I have read too many stories with OC's just kinda plonked in there and they don't actually DO anyhting. I'm so glad you enjoy the tangent nature of the story, it's likely to carry on in that sense! But if you've read the manga I'm sure you'll continue to recognise things! Wow thank you, I have been doing this a long time, but it's always wonderful to have someone I don't even know say they can see the skill. It means a lot. Criticism is always welcomed, so believe me, if you spot something wrong in future content go ahead and point it out ;) Yes I can FULLY understand that frustration, it's been a little frustrating to write it to be honest. I just didn't want her to bounce back from all the crap that's happened. But I hope this chapter gave you a bit more of the typical fighting fit Alexia, I hope anyway! Badass on the horizon, that's all I'm gonna say *winkwink*. Thank you so much for taking the time to review, you really were amazing and I hope to hear from you again PatientGenius, thank you for being so patient with me ;) (see what I did there? hehe... sorry) I also hope the update was worth the wait, and THANK YOU AGAIN for reviewing. You're very good at it, haha.

 **RazeNar8to(i hope I typed that out right, sorry if I didn't) chpt39:** I have found that there's a lot of OC distrust in the fanfiction community. But I can also see why, I have seen a lot done badly. I can see what you mean though, she does get a lot thrown at her. It was meant to be that he has grabbed her nape specifically, which is kind of a soft spot for shifters, and I guess you could say she's intimidated. But I'll be sure to look out for her being too easily overpowered for sure, thank you for sharing that criticism! Sorry that it bugs you. You read it in a day?! How bloody fast can you read, haha! Amazing. I'm glad you like the fight scenes and plotline, thank you for highlighting them! I'm grateful to be your first review, and I sincerely hope not to be your last. Your thoughts really do matter, to all writers on here, and you can consider me very grateful indeed! Thank you again, and I hope the wait was worth it. See you soon!

 **NamehereV2 chpt39:** Bruh thank you! Always glad to get a chuckle ;) I also always worry the comedy will just not work. So I'm thrilled to know it works for ya! I'm also very glad indeedy to have been making a story to perk you up! Bringing some entertainment to people's days is what I want, so thank you very much for letting me know! I hope the wait was worth it as well. Thank you very much for chiming in, i hope it isn't the last time!

 **FairyTactician chpt 2 and 29 (great to see someone at both ends of a fic!):** Haha, I'm glad to have hooked you with my stories! Trophy wives are not what I want to read, so it isn't ever what I want to write, haha. Don't worry, the Haitus has reinvigorated me for sure, so the Haitus is defintiely over. All helped along by amazing reviewers such as yourself for getting in touch! Don't worry as well, the other stories are going to be updated next week ^-^ so you'll get a good dose! Haha also, thank you for quoting that part, I loved writing it, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for highlighting it, for reviewing, and I hope you're still around and enjoying the update!

 **Lakotagray chpt39:** Thank you for speaking up! It means a lot, it really does. Haha, I seem to have a couple new binge readers, and frankly you guys amaze me, you've got stamina! I am officially back, so I sincerely hope you speak up again, would love to know if the wait was worth it! Thank for the support, and patience, as well of course for the review!

 **SpicyRash chpt29:** I'm glad you were enjoying at this point, I hope it continued! The royal family is very much my own interpretation as a lot of what Isamya did was a bit... odd for me personally. So I am definitely taking them in my own direction, but thank you for pointing it out, lets me know people have noticed! I'm so glad you've enjoyed my interpretation of Levi, always great to know fans have been convinced etc. And thank you for saying you like Alexia! Means a lot to know my own Characters are loved too! I'm honoured by your reaction to Titan Alexia, it's amazing to know my descriptions have worked so well. Thank you! I hope you're still soldiering though and sincerley hope to hear from you again! Would be great to see what you thought of the ongoing royal arc. Anyway thanks for reviewing, and see you soon!

 **Creature chpt38:** Thank you for taking the time! I appreciate it a lot, and am grateful for the applause. It's great to know people are genuinely invested and enjoying my work, so thank you! I've seen many Mary Sues and they annoy me every time haha, so thank you for highlighting that Alexia isn't that. I'd be horrified if someone thought she was! Don't worry, no discontinuation here. If it came to that point, which I doubt considering this amazing response from my AMAZING readers, I would still round things off. I wouldn't simply drop it. I love my characters and readers alike, I wouldn't abandon anything. My OCD would combust. Haha, thank you for the lacking screaming, the whole 'update please' thing is annoying, haha, because let's face it, I'm pretty regular anyway :P most of the time... Wow I'm touched and honoured to know I can make someone's day a bit better. Thank you for saying that. I am certainly feeling very heartened right now! Thank you so much for reviewing, I hope to hear from you again, and I hope the update was worth the wait!P.S Sorry for making you nearly cry in chapter 35, haha... whoopsies!

 **A couple 'guests' in a row. Guys leave me some kinda tagline for you! I hope you can find your responses!**

 **Guest (I am assuming these are both your reviews as you said you 'just' posted a review in the second one. Sorry if I'm wrong!) Chpt 38/39:** Whoa, glad you liked it so much! More is on the way, I promise. Plenty plans to be done. Seriously, another one day reader, you guys are intensely fast at reading! So glad you like Alexia, I am rather proud of her, I have to admit! I really appreciate your notes on the characterisation of Levi, in all honesty I do worry about toeing that line. I want him to be developed according to the story progression, BUT I also want him to still ring true as Levi. So I will certainly work on tightening up those aspects, thank you! I am glad that you seem mainly happy with how I've done it though, that means a lot! Thank you! I hope you're satisfied with the continuation of the Beast content :D more to come! And haha, I'm so glad you're convinced by the Levi x Alexia romance, it took long enough, eh? Oh i loved your point about Alexia not just being ridiculously strong, I try to keep her as balanced as I can. She can break like anyone else. And actually I think she 'could' be as strong as Eren, but it would take a lot out of her, she has an adaptable form of shifting, but yeah, it all takes different tolls. Thanks for highlighting that though, I'm glad you like it! But you're right, I reckon she would have better skill in a fair fight, who knows, you might yet get to see it? ;) never know! Haha, wow I'm thrilled when people get that about her, she'll get shoved down, busted up, but she'll keep fighting. She's my ragamuffin ^-^ so thanks for that note! Haha she is a damsel when she has to be, but my god she'll huff about it later. But you're right, she is frsutrating. But again, I wanted to make a character that people loved, but also found annoying. Because we all have poeple like that in real life, and I wanted her to feel real - does that make sense? So thank you for pointing out your frustration with her, it was a big win for me! Levi does get to save her yea, I wanted her to be independant, but not made of stone. She's terrible at accepting help, but she does need it. Thank you SO much for your reviews, they were amazing. I hope you liked the update, and I hope to hear from you soon! Thank you again!

 **Guest chpt39:** I am so glad you're enjoying the story, and thank you for chiming in! Haha, I think that's the first time my story has been referred to as a 'blessing' but ok, i'll take it. Also, 'Genius'? Whoa, that's a big claim! Thank you, but my goodness I don't think I merit that! Thank you for the review, and I sincerely hope you enjoy the update/ get in contact again soon!

 **Guest chpt39:** Hello! Back on time! I'm glad you're drawn in, that is deffo the intention. Also thanks for pointing out your love for Alexia, she is getting a lot of love at the moment, so that's amazing! Wow, your praise is seriously wonderful. I'm honoured to have one of the best fics you've read in a while, thank you so much for saying that. Serious confidence boost for me, thank you! Hope you're still here to enjoy the update and see you soon!

 **FlyingBronco Chpt39:** I promise I am not doing to ever simply discontinue my work. Seriously, I wouldn't do that. Too many times have I been reading a fic, got invested and then found it hasn't been updated in like a year or something. Gah, the horror. Don't worry, this story will be finished... eventually, haha I have a lot of plans for it to be sure! Thank you so much for chiming in, and I hope you enjoyed the update!

 **AlbaGrigori Chapter 8/10 (hope you made it this far!):** So glad you were hooked that early on! Thanks for chiming as you go through, I love it when people do that. I reall do. I hope you had a wonderful birthday! Your english is absolutely fine, likely better than mine normally is and it is my native language, haha. Oh dear, yeah, sorry about Chapter 10, I was a bit of a tease, wasn't I? Sorry about that, I am a little cruel in that sense. Thank you so much for the reviews, I hope you made it this far and are still enjoying it!

 **AkatsukiShizu3(bloody heck that name! Hope i did it right!) Chpt39:** I hope the chapter was worth the wait for you! Haha don't give me ideas for heartbreak, I am rather evil for using it. I hope this has worked towards what you wanted to see, don't worry, plenty more is planned I assure you! Thank you so much for reviewing, hope you enjoyed the update and hope to hear from you again!

 **SereChan Chpt 10:** Haha, sorry to have made you cry, and I hope you've made it this far. Thanks for the giggle and the review, it isn't the first time I've been referred to as Satan I assure you.

 **Anonymous chpt18:** I love seeing people having come from my other stories, adds a totally new perspective. I hope you made it to the end! I can totally see what you mean, RBW was a lot rougher to begin with in all honesty - first fic I ever even attempted. But I will keep that in mind when I EVENTUALLY go back to edit my earlier chapters. So glad you like Alexia, she's becoming one of my favourite characters to write in all honesty. So it's wonderful to know she's loved! Thank you for appreciating Alex! Haha, you're allowed to have issues with how I portray a character, believe me, I KNOW how beloved Levi is. I did look over Chapter 18 again, and I have to admit, I didn't really see what you meant. He wavers a little, but not to the extent that I fully knew what you were referring to. If you find this response, could you elaborate? I'd love to see where you're coming from. I do hope the later chapters, as his development continues, haven't driven you away! "no I don't truly care, I only stick around because you amuse me" I have to say, I found your interpretation of Levi VERY interesting, truly. I've never really seen him in that light. Thank you for sharing it! Non-rainbows, I love that term. I do find it odd when people suddenly write Levi as all blushing and giggling. Its very strange. I am so glad you like Alexia for her own characteristic rather than her connection, that's exactly what I want! I hope you're still here and I would LOVE LOVE LOOOVE, to know what you thought after going on from there. Thank you for your review, it was so great to read! I hope you get in touch again, and that you'e still enjoying the content!

 **Guest chpt39:** Whoa, that's some serious high praise you're giving me there. I'm glad you're enjoying, and I hope the update was worth the wait! Thanks for chiming in!

 **ArchNecroMancer Chpt40:** Thank you so much for sending such a meticulous review, it was wonderful! Ugh I think I love that reaction the most, when people say they expect to find Alexia (or indeed any of my characters) in the anime or manga. It means so much. It really feels like I've managed to make the charactr seem genuine etc. so thank you so much for saying that. It really does hit home. Misspellings - my NEMESIS! Haha, sorry about that issue, I promise I do go through with a fine comb again and again, but sometimes they just... slip on through. So yeah, sorry about those issues, but I'm glad it doesn't detract from the story for you! I'm thrilled you like what I've done with Levi, I love knowing that I can convince fans with my own take! I also hope you continue to enjoy the shifter arc! Hmmm in response to your question (damn good question btw) I would have to say A) wait and see ;) and B) as I highlighted above in my notes before this update, this story is very canon divergent. I am taking aspects from the source material i find inspiring/engaging, or even vital. So whilst canon dictates the 13 years issue, that might not apply here, but i won't confess which it is, after all that would be a spoiler right? I hope that isn't an annoying response, I really liked the question! And wow, that last slice of praise. Offt, took my breath away. Thank you so much! I am honoured to have convinced you so thoroughly with my work, and I hope you enjoyed the update! Thank you for reviewing, see you soon!


	42. Chapter 42

**Hello lovely readers! On time you say? MY GOD! EARLY YOU SAY, whaaaaa?! Haha, anyway, hello again, hope you're all well/enjoying the new season. The last episode is out this week! Eep! Anyway on with the show.**

 **Note: Manga stuff! I know Beasty has turned up in the Second Season, but still spoilers ahead/possible. Warning applied.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT, but I do own Alexia *yanks on leash* woman, yeild! *gets dragged away***

* * *

 **ALEXIA POV**

I can't stop this. It pulls like heavy metal chains on my mind, demanding obediance, making it hard to breathe if I don't submit. Dammit, it hurts to even... c-consider... rebelling... no!

I fall onto the field, tumbling past the last line of trees and feeling the sun belt down on me from the canopy free sky. Thankfully it's the steaming heat of Titan's under me, I was able to quash some of his numbers at least. Even if that was the last good thing I managed today. Then I look around, the whole world swimming before my bleared gaze. Fuck, there was so many scouts here. They're doing what they can against this bastard, but I know it won't do them much good. Already, I can already hear some cries of my name. They know me, but this isn't really me. Not right now anyway.

Will it ever be again?

Ghn, the compulsion continues. _End them. Destroy them. Find Eren, kill Levi and Erwin_. I dig my claws into the dirt, but even the cold of the muck can't sway this. It has to be done. I have to find them. I have to end them. I look around desperately. My veins ache with the need to locate them, my whole body feeling like it was being denied the sweetest drug as the seconds tick by. I pant and snarl, panic rises in my gut like bile. Shit, where are they?!

A frustrated roar escapes me. It hurts like hell, ripping out and bounding over the plains. The Scouts shudder and recoil. Of course. They'd never heard me do that, they've never witnessed me hostile. I cringe away from it, from knowing that many of them might fear me now. My want to be amongst them clashes with the need to kill, but the rumble of Zeke's Beastly growl has me wavering. Guess it didn't matter if the Scouts fear me. In the end, it might be what saves them. I have to obey. There is no other option right now. I groan and stand upright, bones aching and mind running in circles as I pant and try to grasp the situation. But it isn't working. I might as well be trying to hold back a hurricane with my bare hands. My frenzied search finally lands on a target. Levi. He's staring. I know that's disbelief in his gaze. Yeah Captain, I don't fucking believe it either. I finally get to see you, and now all I can think about is how good it's going to feel crushing you between my jaws.

Zeke growls again and the pain lances up my spine.

Now.

I had to do it now.

Eren was in the same squad as Levi, and from the looks of it Erwin wasn't even here. He would have to die another day. I go on all fours, muscles ready and aching to be unleashed. I'll chase them down, smash them up and carry Eren away to where our glorious purpose awaits. I whimper and dig my hands in again, spine arching as I try to deny these things. I don't want that glorious purpose, it was sadistic and twisted. I didn't want to smash anyone, apart from Zeke. Dammit why is this happening, and how is this working still? I growl and snarl, but eventually I have to submit, my mind so fluid that I immediately feel that thirst again. I have to kill something.

No, it isn't as random as that.

I have to kill _them_.

A flare is fired and suddenly that squad breaks away. I have to move now. They were escaping! Zeke growls again, and I'm in pursuit. I bolt after them, willing them to break away, to hide in the trees, to simply disappear. But they don't. I watch their capes flare behind them and I look for Eren. I just need to grab him, perhaps I can not kill Levi? Another growl sounds behind me, can he actually hear my thoughts too? Zeke was following at least, but he's further behind now. I snarl as the need to kill Levi is reinforced. It's layered on top of doubt, smothering it entirely.

Yes that was right, I want to taste his blood. I want to feel his bones snap between my teeth. Yes. Yes, I want it now! I want his screaming to fill my ears, begging for the end before finally his life is extinguished, lavishing my tongue. He'd slip down my throat, tumbling into my gut and then ceasing to exist. Yes. Now. Now!

BOOM.

A bolt thrashes from the sky, colliding with the earth and blinding everyone nearby for a few moments. A retaliation. I ready myself for battle. Eren's raging Titan roars into the sky, feral as ever. Yes. Yes! Bones, blood, flesh, steam, gore, I want to fucking bathe in it. Now. Give it to me! Give it all, and hold nothing back. Destroy me. Now, dammit! STOP MAKING ME WAIT! Another snapped call from Zeke, makes me look back to him skid slightly. The swarm is doing its job in dealing with the insects, and we were away from it all to claim our prize. Yes. Yes, the fucking time had come. Now, give it to me now. Eren just give into it, and we can all go forth and make something real! I turn back and lunge at him, claws extended, jaws gaping, teeth glinting. Our Titans collide. The heat of his skin scalds, and the power in his limbs is astounding. A battle to behold. I growl and snarl, tearing chunks out of his shoulder whilst he simply tries to grapple me. No, no, you'll have to fight me little boy. This is not a hug, this is a fight! His groaning builds to frustrated roars. They ring in my ears.

They keep ringing, and a new force enters my mind.

It's stronger than Zeke's, but not as demanding.

like the cool water of a stream coasting over my feet on a hot summers day. The rage melts from my bones, the need to kill is sated by clarity, my limbs feel heavy and my mind wanes. I want to sleep.

Bliss.

Click.

In my mind something falls away. A sickness gathers in my belly. Gods what was I thinking? I was so ready to fight, to kill, to consume. It was everything I hated in the Titans, in the bastards of this world. Zeke had known that. He had used that, hadn't he? I knew that fire I'd felt in my veins was real, but he warped it, forged it into his very own weapon. The bastard was clever, perhaps too clever.

I feel cold all over.

My Titan trembles as it tussles and then slowly submits to Eren's. His strong limbs wrap round me, trying to contain me, only now I wasn't needing it. I'm limp against him, panting and probably whimpering. What was this? A strange form of clarity had struck home, those cooling waters had washed away all that tainted want of blood and gore. Like Eren had demanded, I think straight. But now there's no hiding from what I'd almost done.

I want to vomit.

What had I been thinking?

Insects?

Those were people for god's sake! But not just that, hard-working Scouts who had likely come along for my sorry ass! This was too much. I roll and get up, holding these gnarled claws out in front of me. They were vile. Strange, rattled pants leave my serrated jaws as I try and think. What... what had brought me to that violent edge? How had Zeke made me everything I fear and loathe? I hear another growl from our Beastly pursuer, but it causes no more than a dull ache in the base of my spine. Nothing like the unbearable force of nature it was before. I glance at Zeke who is still approaching and I blink hard, trying to clear the last of this fog.

What had happened?

What had led to me being in this form?

It's all a blur, but I had to try.

We'd been stood upon the platform of my hovel. Right. We'd been watching that green smoke melt into the sky, ideas starting to roll around behind his creepy glasses. It had been like a deep breath being taken in. A quiet falling over us as his smile stretched. It was crueller than ever. My bones had ached, feeling as cold as they do now. The deep bruising in my body from his regular 'discipline' throbbed, as his lips had moved. But I couldn't hear him, I couldn't remember even now what he had said. It was like my head had suddenly filled with a muddy puddle and everything burbled round me.

"Senefold."

That had been clear as crystal.

My knees had buckled and I braced against the wooden floor of my hovel, quivering and doing my best to withhold tears. Shit. Every time. Only then, something had begun to build inside of me. It churned my gut and took firm hold of my spine. Heat. It had been everywhere, charring my bones, cooking my flesh. I needed to change. But why? I had never wanted to fight the Scouts, and I couldn't guarantee being able to get out my Titan to tell them all I knew before they'd killed me. So why had I wanted to shift? I'd looked up and saw that unchanged smile, a whimper leaving me as that heat reached my mind and control started to melt away.

"Good girl." His voice echoed through the sloshing water, like thin soup as it boiled in my mind. He knelt down and stroked my cheek. "Time to put our plans into motion a little early."

No one had ever had that kind of supposed control over me. Not Levi, not Erwin, not Meghan. Yet I'd known in that moment, as my body felt separate to my mind, if something didn't change soon, there would be not fighting it at all. Zeke was a self-righteous ass-hole, but he knew how to play the mind-games like no one else. I could feel it all slipping, my control, my will, my fight.

Was it because I'd reached that point in my head?

The point of submission?

" _At least now you can do it humanely_." My mind echoed with those words I'd given into before running away. Dammit, I'd been so ready to just give up, if that made it easier for the Scouts to move on. For my family. Levi. He'd gone so still, his eyes so wide when I'd said it. " _I can do it myself if you don't want to._ "

" _Not after everything we've survived._ " Even then he hadn't been willing to submit. I wonder how disappointed he is in me right now, watching me being a puppet to not one, but two other people. On this field of battle, the sun beating down on my back and panting still rattling out of my hollowed body, was he disgusted? Damn, seemed like I'd fallen a long way away from that woman he met in the cells.

I shudder and the present smacks me in the face as both Eren and Zeke roar at me.

D-Dammit one at a time!

Some crystal breaks off my hands, leaving them stinging and raw. All right, I... I can do this. It's Eren's control that will let me return to the life I want, to the life I was meant to have. That was what I had to concentrate on. Instinct wanted to follow Eren, so that was what I would do too. I look to him, and he tilts his head in question, those huge green eyes burning with sincerity like always. He was a good kid. I just nod and turn back to Zeke as Eren comes to my side. I'm still a puppet, but at least my puppet-master was a friend this time.

As we turn towards him, a united front, I'm glad to see Zeke does at least have the decency to pause in his approach. He was self-righteous, but he wasn't an idiot. This wasn't going to end well for him. At least I hope not. I growl and crouch into my position to run, Eren remains standing, lowly snarling. In all honesty, a small part of me hopes Zeke might just leave, that I don't have to risk any more lives and that we can just put an end to this two month long torment. It feels stupid when faced with a battlefield, but I'm so damned tired, I just wanna get out of this heated mess of a Titan-form and be slowly glued back together by some fucking hugs from friends. And Levi. I want him to just snap me back in place, glare with those undeniable eyes and berate me till everything seems straight forward.

Humans were messy, but we needed each other to help rearrange the mess sometimes.

Zeke's dark eyes are on me, but I look to the ground, shuddering as I feel more pressure at the base of my spine. He was trying to haul his strings back into place. The guy was putting up a decent fight too. Ow. C'mon Eren, don't let up now. Eren growls and I feel that control return, the cool waters soothe me. The beast himself takes a step forward and suddenly no, I don't want him to leave. Not a chance. I want to tear him apart. I growl and start to stalk back towards him, Eren is by my side and I start to speed up. My heart hammers, the world thunders, the wind coasts under my hair and caresses my scalding flesh. Zeke pauses, but doesn't move initially. Yes, stay there you bastard, stay there and submit to the fact you fucked up. You couldn't control me forever and you played your hand too soon. We could have run, we could have slinked off into the forest and I'd have been powerless against your deranged will. But you're arrogant, you're too single minded, and now you're going to pay for that!

I launch for him, thirsty for his blood. But no. The world jolts, everything halted as I'm held back by Eren. I writhe and snarl, heart racing in my chest, trying to climb up my throat as I panic. Zeke could get away, Zeke might still put his plans into motion. No. Eren release me! My claws reach desperately for that furry hide, so I can sink them in and peel back all of his shitty skin. Let me go! Eren groans and holds me back, my form hadn't been made for strength so I can do little against it. Slowly, as the undeniable power of Eren's strength continues, the anger drains from me. Even with all his strength, Eren wasn't compelling me. He could have so easily _made_ me stop. He trusted me to see reason, so I try to repay that by doing so. As I calm down, I look beyond Zeke, and suddenly realise why my fellow shifter stepped in. The rest of the Scouting formation is coming our way. A huge dust cloud billows up behind them.

A fresh swarm.

I stop fighting Eren and he releases me, allowing me to stand tall and stare down Zeke. Fucking leave then. We don't have the man-power to deal with both of you. Slink back into the damned shadows and leave us alone. One day I'll find you, and then I'll enjoy listening to you scream.

He snorts.

He fucking snorted?!

Eren lays a hand on my shoulder, and frankly I'm glad, I only had so much patience left. I angle myself towards my comrades, and let Zeke turn and disappear into the woods. The canopy rustles and I know he'll remain in his form for as long as he can. The hovel would be ignored, he wouldn't risk being found that easily. He wanted an out for now. I shudder and then focus on the dust cloud. We weren't out of this yet. Eren squeezes my shoulder and I nod to him. We step away from each other, allowing a gateway to freedom for the oncoming squads that pass by with 'whoops' and 'yes!' echoing up. They might be wary, but at least with Eren there, they didn't fully fear me yet.

I glance back as they all gather with that first Squad. Levi is still staring, but now I sense a smirk under the stoic mask. Perhaps disgusted was the wrong word, but I doubt he was fucking impressed. Hang on a deer-skinning minute. Why. The. Hell. Do I see unicorns?! God dammit, the world's gone to shit without me there, eh?

The crystal reforms over my hands, and I like to think it's _mainly_ because of the oncoming swarm, and not the want to rip magical horns out of ponies. The swarm lumbers towards us, staggering and groaning as they come. Just where they hell had they all come from? I hadn't seen those kinds of numbers in ages. No matter, there was a job to be done. As soon as the formation had passed us by and regrouped, me and Eren close ranks again. Flares fire off and the thunder of hooves recedes behind us. We start to stalk forward, the Titan's dead eyes all fixed on us. We weren't just mouthfuls, we were huge hulking meals for them. The formation could move further away to safety whilst we did some pest control. Damn it all, I feel like there's something I'm forgetting though. I hear gas whooshing to the treeline, and just assume its a squad staying behind to help get us out once we were done. Good plan guys, just don't get eaten in the meantime.

I sigh and roll my shoulders. It felt great to be doing something again, and it felt good to have the last of Eren's control fall away. My mind was my own, my shoulders felt all the lighter, and my heart beat fast. Freedom. Shit, it felt wonderful. I breathe deep, it melting into a chuckle as I crouch, launching myself into a line of three ten metre bastards. Yes! I tear out their napes and deal with the little ones that had scurried into view in the meantime. Fast fuckers, weren't they? Eren snarls and barks, tearing through the numbers like me. It was fiddly, and yeah I get some gnaw marks and perhaps the odd nibble taken out of my hide. But no more than that. I wasn't being defeated, not today. This was when I fought back. This time I was winning. A triumphant roar escapes me as I tear down a fifteen metre and then tumble with an abnormal. It's gnashing jaws linger by my face as I am forced back into the muck, but before it can even drool onto me, it's head's gone and the nape falls to the ground.

I'd wanted blood and gore; and instead I got steam and triumph.

It would suffice.

Eventually the numbers dwindle, and then finally they are gone. Me and Eren stagger back over to the treeline, panting and huffing as our forms wither. I forgot how much cleaning up took it out of me. It had been an easy enough battle, but a long fought one. The sun was already dipping slightly, it would be a few more hours till dark though. Plenty time to get to safety. There's a squad waiting for us, but judging from the signals the Scouts had fired to let us follow, they were a fair ways away but now. Me and Eren pat our shoulders as we approach the treeline. The squad latches on and we run after the formation.

By the time we meet up with them, the Scouts have stopped at a farm. At least that's what I assume by the paddock and fairly large outbuildings. It's not too far from the wall, but far enough to buy time if they needed to. The squad gets off me and Eren, and I sink to my knees so I can get out this damned Titan. Whilst it felt good to stretch these muscles properly, it was also wearing my down more and more. Ain't as young as I used to be, I guess.

The cold air caresses my back as the Titan skin peels away. I sigh, about to start detaching the sinew when there's a hand over my mouth and a body against my back. Shit. Unicorns? I struggle, but then hear a familiar voice shushing in my ear.

"Just hold it kiddo." Hanji soothes, the sinew still falling away from my real body as the steam billows past us. I go still and nod behind her hand. "Everyone's a bit on edge after your initial entrance, m'kay? Levi's convincing the MP's to let us handle this, and we'll be taking you inside the farmhouse for 'questioning'. Don't be afraid kiddo, we know what's goin' on. You're not being chained again, I swear."

"But... b-but Hanji-" I try to speak past her hand and I hear a soft chuckle from my wayward friend. Her other arm goes round me, and whilst I think she's helping me out of the shell, I also like to think she's just hugging me.

My eyes already feel warm.

"C'mon Lexi, I wasn't convinced for a second! You killed her for Erwin, you ran _for_ us. Welcome back, Alexia, let's figure this out. Now then, game face." She said before hauling me out, and quickly reminding me that she was a rather well-built soldier herself. Whee! I let her tug me about, and when she holds my hands behind my back I don't fight her. I submit and hang my head in feigned upset. For those doubting my allegiance, it would show my submission, to those who knew the real story, they would see I was being taken care off. Win-win, especially when Hanji clearly knew how to make it _look_ like she was rough-housing me, when actually her hold was little more than a love-tap.

The wonderful world of friendship.

I hear horse's huffing as they're tied up, I hear gear being checked and blades replenished. The swish of capes and clack of stirrups. General chit-chat, and hushed whispers. The 'foompf' of flares, and louder calls from a returning patrol. Dammit, this was what I'd wanted. The thrum of life when you were amongst others, the hum of activity as a day continued. I hope no one notices the droplets running down my nose right now, that would be embarrassing.

The darkness of a building swallows us up, and I watch my scuffed up boots traipse across a wooden floor. Real, maintained, man-made wooden floor. Lantern light is sneaking towards us with each step, and I can hear hushed conversation dying down as we approach. Who was here? The tense silence makes he hopeful that Levi was there, watching me, waiting for a chance to hold me. My throat pinches. Fuck. Careful Senefold, your human is showing. Fuck it though, I want it to. Don't let there be anyone else in here but him, please. Right now I don't care about the bullshit politics or the plans, I just wanna be wrapped up in those ridiculously strong arms and forget the past two months even fucking happened. Oh wait, maybe not my human, but my lady? No wait, that sounds fucking dirty. Then again...

"So this is her..." an unfamiliar voice says and I just grit my teeth. I forgot about the Unicorns being here. Dmamit. From that high-and-mighty tone, I can only assume its not just a horny mule, but also a high ranking one. I can feel him sneering at me. Please. Just go away, leave me to revel in the fact I had my friends around me.

There's slow steps coming towards me, stalking. I tremble, much to my horror. But I guess at this point I can't help that reaction. I bite my lip, and try not to let my mind flit to Meghan, to Zeke, and then wonder what this shithead was going to do to me. My nape is exposed, Hanji pull me back a bit please! Stand me upright, fucking hell, I can't do that again or I'll just rage out and-

Whack.

THUNK.

Silence.

I blink and look down at the body slumped at my feet. One hit, and he was out for the count. The back of the leather jacket was indeed emblazoned with a Unicorn, but he was in dreamland for now. I swallow and look up through my hair, Hanji letting go of my arms and stepping over the MP to join them at the table. Fuck. There they stood and sat, casual as you like; Eren, Armin, Hanji, that Jean kid, and of course a little in front of them, having been the one to knock out the unwanted guest, was Levi. He was running his hand over his bruised knuckles, watching me closely. I just stare at first.

I thought I'd have to beg, to plead with them to listen to me, even if they wanted to kill me right after. But no. There they are, happy to see me? I even see the flicker of a smile from Jean. I straighten up and rub my wrists, I smooth back my hair and I step over the sleeping nuisance. Levi tilted his head slightly and looked me up and down. The air feels heavy.

"You look like shit."

"Y-Yeah, guess I must do." I half-laugh, half-sniff before I abandon all pretence and just throw my arms round his neck and bury my head against his shoulder.

He hesitates as expected, but those arms do go round me. Thank you. I swear to the fucking lazy-bastard gods, it feels amazing. All the small parts of me that had been chipped away over the past two months, they're squeezed back into place. That thread around my heart and chest strengthens and tightens, but I want it to do so over and over. It could bind me entirely and I wouldn't care. I know we have an audience, but fuck it, I needed this. I think I'm allowed to be a little self-indulgent.

I feel the small traces of his fingers against my back and I sigh, shaking my head and then peering over his shoulder. For the most part, none of them are looking, but Hanji glances our way and smiles softly. She nods and then tilts her head, winking soon after and then pulling out a chair to sit down. Eren drums his fingers against the table, those small lines leading down from his downcast eyes look rather odd to me. Did I get those after transforming? I then look to Armin, he's scribbling away in a notebook, glancing at the Unicorn splayed on the floor rather than us. He looks worried, and I can't blame him, but I also can't join him. I'd worry later. Jean? Well, he's just sitting there, taking a second to close his eyes and enjoy the peace. He really was just... normal, wasn't he?

There's the sound of footsteps approaching, and Levi immediately steps back from me as the door opens. We all look that way with bated breath. Thankfully though, it's just the She-Wolf and she nods to the room before coming inside and closing the door.

"It's called knocking, brat." Levi snapped at her, sighing a moment later and loosening his cravat slightly. He moves away and drags the MP over to the side, props him up and leaves him there. I can only guess they were going to convince him that he'd just passed out or something, wouldn't likely cause issue. If the MP's trusted them enough to come out here onto the plains with them, I'm guessing they would trust them to question me. Maybe.

Mikasa simply rolled her eyes at Levi and went to sit next to Eren. "You kept me out the loop for long enough, Captain. I said I'd be in here as soon as possible, you should have been expecting me."

"Just shut up, he's here, he's fine." It was clear that the Captain's patience was worn thin by this point. I wonder how the past two months had gone for him. He looked in good enough health, though I'll admit there's more shadow than normal under his eyes. "C'mon Senefold, we need to sit and talk through things before _he_ wakes up." Levi headed over to the table, having almost reached for me but thinking better of it with the She-Wolf here.

I nod and sit down.

Now they look at me.

Armin smiles warmly, and Jean still kinda does too. But it doesn't quite reach his eyes. I can only assume he's been sort of filled in on the situation, but can't bring himself to fully believe it yet. Not that I can blame him, I'd never spent much time with the guy. Really the only conversation I ever remember having with him was concerning his dead friend. I sit back and sigh, wondering where the heck I'm meant to start, but I can sense their impatience, so I just dive in.

"His name's Zeke."

"What, the beast titan?" demands the She-Wolf instantly.

I just raise my brows at her. "No, my imaginary friend currently sucking on your earlobe. Yes. The beast looking shithead that just strolled into the situation." I shake my head at her and she thankfully sits back letting me get on with this. Eren smirks. "In all honesty I dunno where he comes from exactly, but it seems like he's in cahoots with the Colossal and Armoured bastards. He's looking for them. He wanted me and Eren to join alongside. He never went into specifics, righteous shit-heads like him often don't, but there's something big planned. I know that much."

"So he's building a force of Shifters." Hanji murmurs, both her and Armin scribbling away afterwards.

"Has he been with you the whole time?" Levi asks and I don't miss that hint of jealousy. Can't decide if that annoys me, or pleases me, but either way I just shrug my shoulders for the time being.

"Almost. I was pretty ill by the time I got my sorry ass back to my base, and basically he's the only reason I'm still here." I explain, not really wanting to leave out the fact he had actually saved my life. Even if it was only so he could use me as a pawn. But I also don't want to go into unnecessary detail. Levi didn't need to know I nearly choked on my own vomit.

Levi's hand curled into a fist and he stared at me hard. "What? He saved you?"

"Yeah, in a manner of speaking. After I was recovered he was a shit-head though. Pretty much been under house arrest the entire time. But there's definitely been less Titans around since he was there. I only saw a couple-"

"Did he hurt you?" Eren interrupted, and I blinked at him. The fuck? I look down at myself and then back to him, the lines are fading from his eyes.

"I know I've been a bit nervous and stuff, but I'm still me. Still a tough cookie. Seriously Eren, I'm fine. Bit bruised up perhaps but I'm fine, okay?" I reassure him, and the kid looks a little happier, but not 100% sold. That was fine, now that I had time, I could work towards 100%. I might be able to actually do something. The She-Wolf bites her bottom lip, sinking into her scarf slightly. "What's on your mind, Mikasa?"

She looks at me with those big dark eyes.

She had certainly not lost any of that creepy intensity.

"You said there was definitely less titans?"

I nod.

"So how was there such a big swarm? You and Eren were fighting them back for a good long while. That was no small gathering. So either you're wrong... or there's still plenty titans out there, coming in from the breach." She said, voice ending up in a whisper by the end.

I look around the table, the graveness sinking into them.

"I dunno how he gathered those numbers," I sigh, that strange niggling feeling at the back of my mind again. But I just shake my head. "What you need to know, is that the scary bastard is serious. You forced his hand early today, but... but he has plenty still going on, I reckon."

"Forced his hand?" Jean repeats, and I watch his frown deepen. "He didn't expect us then?"

"No... why would he?" I shake my head, and a blush appears on the kids cheeks. He looks at the table, and I see a similar blush on Armin and Eren. Oh, I see what's going on. I sigh. "No, I didn't tell him anything about you lot. At least, I withheld everything that I could."

"What do you mean?" Eren asks, and I'm grateful for the gentle tone.

I shift uneasily. "He has this... this way. It's not like yours, Eren. It's nowhere near as powerful as yours, but..." I look down at my hands, expecting to see marks on my wrists where puppet strings might have dug in. "But it's hard to deny nevertheless."

"So he was controlling you." Levi says carefully. I flinch a little, I can't avoid it when his tone is so tangibly 'just checking'. I nod and glance around the table, a general sigh of relief leaving them all. Except Mikasa, but then again the She-wolf was far more adept at disapproving than any other emotion.

"I'm sorry." I say, my tight throat having robbed most of the volume, so it just squeaked out in a feeble whisper. Hanji reached over and patted the table. I take her hand and hold as tight as she does.

"Apology appreciated, but not needed. We just needed clarification, Lexi, don't worry." She winked and I smile as best I can. But god dammit do my eyes feel warm again. "Like I said, no chains here."

* * *

 **So there we go, some actual ACTION, and a reunion occurred! WHOOOOOOP!**

 **Oh yeah, do you guys like the new cover art? :D I was pretty amped about it.**

 **Hope you all enjoyed, please leave a fav, follow and review, it's so awesome to hear from my readers. See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **ArchNecromancer:** I'm glad to have inspired you - even if its initially for roleplay, but if you do go ahead with your own fic, I wish you all the luck in the world! I'm glad you're so affected by Zeke, I really wanted to write him in my own way and ramp it up. I have plenty plans for him, so don't worry, he might be gone for now, but not forever! Oh I hope you like the other stories, and I look forward to your feedback on them! And wow, your praise on my Levi, it was wonderful. Thank you so much. The Levi POV still makes me anxious, but I'm glad you think it worked out! Thanks so much for reviewing, I hope you enjoyed the update, and I hope to see you soon.

 **MadnessIsContagious:** How could you ever disappoint me?! You've already been so wonderful to me! Seriously, please never feel pressured into always writing long responses, I won't be upset if it's shorter! Hehe I love our little ongoing chat as well, it's great to know I have such consistent readers. Haha I'm thrilled to know I'm unskimmable (why does that sound dirty?) but yeah I am waaaay too happy to do a cliffhanger. Sorry about that - not really, it's a hell of a lot of fun to write them. I'm so glad you used the word 'snort', love it! To actually make someone snort is awesome! Perhaps beasmode is the secret to my writing, but I shall never confirm, MUHAHAHA! I love using plot twists, and to be honest, half the time when I think of them I'm cackling away and terrifying my boyfriend. He doesn't even pretend anymore, he just looks over and asks who's gonna die or be mutilated. Oh, Zeke Daddy Kink, I can totally see where you're coming from, not intentional, but it's totally there. Whoopsies? Levi's POV gives me such issues, whenever I write those, they always get poured over the most in editing, and then I look it over when uploaded and see a bloody typo -_- then I flip ma damn desk. Lol! Yeah, he's tricky, but I like to think I have him settled in each of my stories, to a degree. I'd say at the moment, RBW is deffo the most OOC to begin with, but hey I can fully admit that I was learning on the job! I plan to fix it when I overhaul edit my stories. Haha, I'm always bamboozled when someone praises my work like you do, I assume a good chapter is a fluke - I'm british, we don't really do self-confidence :P I promise it ain't a fishing trip either, I'm always blown away by the praise you, and some other readers give, but I also have to soak up all the suggestions too. I LOOOVE knowing other people's perspectives, even if I sometimes have to admit I don't agree with them. Humble little marshmallow... beastmode tits... I am becoming a very odd Chimera here. Now THERE'S an AU waiting to happen. And you're seriously making me blush now, good lord. Yay I gotcha excited! I wanted to amp it back up again after a few *violin in the background* slower chapters etc. so yay, action delivered ^-^ Haha I have a vague concept of the end, but it might still change as I have so many plans BEFORE that still. The only story I have properly solidly planned the ending for is Flight From Darkness. But yeah, I really don't give characters a break, I'm truly evil, but I'm glad you were convinced by her playing along. Some people found it frustrating, and I can see why, Alexia has kinda been contained for a while now, but hey, ;) maybe that's about to change? I am sooooooo glad you're convinced by how I've done Zeke :D it's awesome! Yeah, I wanted Levi and Alexia's states to kind of mirror each other, because without knowing it, they had kinda come to depend on each other's influence, and now thats gone. So whilst Levi was all wrapped up in his Alexia bubble, now he has to deal with other people - he no likey the other people, haha! Hehe I enjoyed writing Zeke's reveal, I have to admit. Your reviews are always wonderful, seriously STAHP apologising. *sniff* you say I'm nice and yet You finish with such a wonderful sentiment, I mean c'mon I'm a hardnailed Scottish wench and ya got me all sniffly here. I think that might be disturbing la boyfriend more than anything. Fran... showing emotion... ffs what's happened to Levi in the manga? Lol, as if, but still, poor man must be confused right now. I hope this update was good for you, and thanks again for being an amazing reader whom I surely don't deserve, see you in a few weeks time!

 **ThePatientGenius:** Aw thank you for the welcome :D good to be back! Yas, still got it *waggles brows* I'm glad you enjoyed the update, it was very daunting uploading it after a solid month away. Haha I like that sentence too, its essentially how I saw Eren for most of Season 1, lol! Aw, so glad you liked the Levi POV, a lot of people have mentioned it this time, and thankfully its thus far all positive. It's always so nerve-wracking writing those, as he's suuuuch a beloved character and everyone has their interpretation in mind. Of course, I kinda think i have leeway, because he's fairly developed into my own version now. Tbh the criticism is always bittersweet for me; I love knowing that there's such meticulous fans out there, but at the same time, I have to look at it from an author POV and frankly, this far into an independent/canon-divergent story, he has to have changed a little. Otherwise it'd be boring - at least thats how I see it. But yeah, I like when the criticism can help me tighten things back to what they should be, but if it's simply "hey you made him have an emotion, that ain't right" I tend to just nod and smile. I'm also so honoured you see that as complexity, that's seriously high praise for me, thank you! You really are wonderful, and I'm so sincerely glad you're enjoying how I write Levi. Haha, also thrilled you enjoyed Zeke, he was a lot of fun to write tbh! I always wanna keep people guessing ^-^ Ah, I sincerely hope you enjoyed the more flat-out recovered moment in this chapter then! Her badassery is returning! Well... for now, never know right? Yay, i'm so glad you look forward to those moments with Alexia surprising people, I love them too. Argh, you're just so great for reviewing, thank you so very much indeed! I hope you enjoted the update, and I'll see you in a few weeks I hope!

 **FlyingBronco:** I am so pleased to see your review! Also thrilled to know it was worth the wait for you. Thanks for chiming in again, and I'm glad you liked the action - I hope the continuation was as good/better! Thanks for reviewing!

 **JustBecauseOfThis chpt39:** I think that's a great plan for if you wanna stay up to date on what's becoming popular, make new content in like with that. Kudos on taking the time to research. I have to say though, I've had this a couple times since my haitus, people referring to me being 'sensitive' about reviews. I'm afraid I don't see it as that, the issue was that readers simply weren't bothering to give anything back, and to me, it was incredibly draining. I don't personally see that as sensitivity. I found AO3 a graveyard tbh, and I loathe the Kudos system, was no more meaningful than a like on FB. I think it's great you no longer rely on that, congrats, but I don't depend on reviews to motivate me for my career as a writer, only for these side projects. Because that is what I see my work on here as, a hobby, my 'fun' writing. Again, I don't personally see that as a bad thing. I am a serious writer, I just have to be honest with myself and my readers on here, that this site and these stories are a side-project. In all honesty, I'm sure your message was meant to be encouraging, and it almost was. But frankly, at times, it almost came across as bragging. Congratulations, you can strive forth without the juvenile need for reviews. That's your own method, your own process, doesn't make anyone less of a writer for enjoying having back and forth with their audience. So whilst I'm glad to have had the chance to speak to you, really, I don't quite know why you got in contact.

 **GermanWinter (chpt35,37,38,41!) Good lord you've been busy!:** Sorry about the slower chapter, but really there has to be the occasional breath, right? But I hope the more recent action has made up for it! Haha, thanks so much for listing your favourite moments, some of those are mine too. Well I say favourite, I think you said memorable! But regardless, thank you for listing. So glad you've enjoyed Erwin's development, I found it really fun to explore and write. His character is so fascinating. I love drunken Hanji, and i think that woman deserves a drink far more often, haha! YAS, so glad you were satisfied by her death. I was too, tbh I know Alexia wouldn't be, but i looooved writing it as so abrupt. Like Meghan didn't even matter. Ugh. was so fun! Haha, sorry for all the emotions, but thank you for the praise, seriously - wow! I reeeally dislike angst for the sake of it, so sincerely THANK YOU for highlighting that it wasn't just that. Means A LOT! I have a couple ideas for AU's and stuff but I will NOT be touching anything new till at least 1 of my stories is done with, more likely 2, as frankly 3 at once is PLEEENTY. If not too much. But I have ideas. Then again, they might only be oneshots or something, but there's things bubbling, it's more a case of how long I remain this captivated by the source material and whatnot. Out of curiosity, what kind of AU would you like to see? Whyyy does Zeke have his head shaved?! But seriously LOL, your prediction comment was amazing, I love it so much! "New phone, who dis?" PFFT, HILARIOUS. Thanks for that! Your prize is... more content? :P sorry, all I can provide right now. I'm so glad you're hyped, and I really hope the action paid off for you, m'dear! Thanks again for reviewing, seriously, you took so much time! I hope you enjoyed this update, and I'll see you soon!

 **SexDrugsAnime Chpt18/19:** Hi there! Thanks for following on from AO3! Yeah, it's pretty long now, haha! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, and from the sound of it, you're pretty hooked! Thats amazing. I hope you've made it this far soon, and that you see the response! Yeah, Alexia is treated badly, and that is 100% my fault. Meeean Author, right here, haha! Levi is a bit of a dick... lets be real. Haha. Tbh its been so long I had a total brainfart and forgot Kenny was in the fic, what a derp, right?! But I'm glad you enjoyed his inclusion, never know, he might turn up again ;) I hope you're still reading and enjoying, and I hope to hear from you again soon! Thanks!


	43. Chapter 43

**Hello! Another update, another month, here we goooo! Hope you're all doing well, and enjoying the summer. Oh and to those of you from America, hope you had a good 4th of July. Anyone else really frustrated with the Manga? I've skipped a couple months to read it all together, in the hope that it's less annoying that way. Anyone else?**

* * *

It takes time, but we finally get through everything I can think to say. They agree with me that most of it could be bullshit, that this righteous cause could be no more than one man's mad vision. But even they hesitate to totally debunk it all. We don't know what lies beyond the walls, we don't know what possibilities are beyond that Titan filled horizon. As I come to the end of what I can remember, that niggling feeling remaining in the back of my mind, the MP starts to stir. He's coming round, and I'm moved into another room. I'm bound to a chair for when he came blustering in, but I'm not gagged yet. The man had moved and given out a small groan, nothing more. But chances weren't being taken here. The Unicorn had to think I was being held accountable, that the Scouts saw me as nothing more than a prisoner once again. Lies laid upon more lies, but right now I couldn't care less.

As I'm moved, as they talk of what comes afterwards, I can tell what's coming. I can tell where this is heading. They want me to run; they want to create a distraction and let me flee back into those woods I know so well. They'll want to leave me out here, so I can evade capture and keep an eye out for the Beast. It made sense, and deep down, I want to do it. I want to do anything I can for the regiment, my idiotic head had done a total u-turn and made me a loyal pawn. But I can't. Even the idea of that lonely darkness, the endless sky above me, waiting to swallow the last of my sanity, it has me shivering.

At first Hanji assumes its the wear of transforming, of fighting, but I think she gradually realises it's something else. We talk in whispers. Just her and me in that small room.

"Come on, Alexia, spit it out. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." Hanji breathes, sitting beside me and putting a hand on my knee.

I breathe in slowly, my teeth snapping together as I try and explain it without sounding like a coward. But that's impossible right? That's all I am, right now. A damned coward about to ask them to risk themselves for me all over again. Movement occurs, and then the steady stride of my Captain approaches the door. My hands tighten, knuckles turning white. Being a coward in front of him, was even worse. Hanji pats my knee.

The door opens and Levi slips inside, nodding to us. "He's still out of it, for now, but better safe than sorry I guess. We're on track, though. We can get you to a wagon, Alexia, and when we start our return, we can create a diversion. It should be enough to let you slip back into the forest and-"

"No." I shake my head, spitting the word between my teeth.

Silence hangs there, like my word was echoing through their minds.

I find myself glaring at Levi, as if in defiance, as if squaring off with him back in that damned cell where it all began. I hate that I need to say it, but that was just it, I _needed_ to. I'm done running, I'm done hiding, I'm done doing this shit alone.

Hanji's hand moves to my shoulder. "Alexia, what's going on? Did he hurt you? Did this Zeke guy do more than-"

"No it isn't that." I sigh, hanging my head. I could do this, I could admit it to them. They'd seen me a lot weaker than this. I sit up and swallow hard, hoping my eyes weren't actually shining. They both watch me carefully. "I just can't stand it any more. Being out here, being alone, knowing that I'm just... j-just running and hiding." I explain, pressing my lips into a thin line.

I'm expecting a lecture. I expect to be told to look at the bigger picture, to look beyond myself. I expect a preach worthy of the non-present Browlord, courtesy of either Hanji or Levi. I expect to have a flash of glasses and an even harder glare of steel.

But no.

None of that happens.

Instead?

Instead, they beam at me. Their face elated and relieved as my words fade away to nothing. It looks like I just gave them the best gift of their lives. I'm touched, but I'm also bloody confused. Hanji usually did that weird grin, but the look of elation in Levi's eyes takes me back a little. He obviously isn't smiling at me, let's not get carried away, but it was certainly his version of beaming. He might as well be giggling like a child with that light in his gaze. Why was he so happy about what I'd said? I'd just disagreed with an order. Had they gone and changed the rules on me? I blink and rub an escaped tear away with my shoulder, Hanji squeezing there a moment later. I look to her in confusion, but she just nods to Levi and she leaves the room.

Well now I'm just more fucking confused!

As we're left alone in that small space, I feel tension fall. I suddenly have to study my lap, I can't look up. I don't know why he had looked so happy, it was awesome to see and I'm glad to have caused that rather than a murderous frown, but I still feel shame. His steps approach. He sits down next to me on his own chair, and I swear I just feel warmer for it. No longer was I relying on memory, he was right there and he was watching me.

I glance at him and feel his hesitation.

"Why do you look so happy?" I finally whisper, still feeling the need to remain hushed.

His hand runs along my arm, up to my shoulder, and slowly makes it's way into my hair. He strokes and then takes hold, pulling me towards him as he also leans into me. I don't fight it, I just feel his lips on mine and give in. For the past two months I'd been reliving that moment he looked absolutely broken. I'd revisited that final kiss. So this would make for a good replacement if I was to be left alone again. Dammit. That thought has me pressing myself into that hold harder, forcing his lips open. My body insistent on contact. A small noise escapes him and he holds tighter, his other hand cupping my cheek.

The floorboards beyond the room creak, and the kiss slows.

"You didn't give up." He breathes, kissing down my neck and making fresh tears appear in my eyes.

I don't really understand what he means, but I just keep holding onto the moment, hands gripping the chair arm-rests tightly.

"Thank you." He sighs, putting his forehead to mine and letting our noses brush.

Dammit what was this man doing to me?

I sniff and laugh breathlessly. "I d-dunno why you're thanking me."

"Because you let me find you." He mutters, and when I open my eyes, I know I'll never be able to look away again. His eyes burn with a new light I'd never witnessed before. "Because you just said you don't want to run away any more. You meant it right?"

I nod.

He hums and runs a hand through my hair again. "You're afraid, and that's fine, I get it, but you also couldn't stand to be on the sidelines, right?"

I don't know if I love how well he can read me, or if I loathe it.

For now I'll just settle in the middle and not mind much either way.

I nod agian.

His eyes crinkle slightly. "Exactly. I fucking knew I could count on you, Alexia."

"You did?" I swallow and he nods, sitting back and leaning on his knees.

"You'll not be left out here. I dunno how the hell we'll do it, but you're coming back with us. I can't leave you out here. Not now."

"R-Really?" I ask, watching those eyes set into steel.

There was the man I'd seen beyond the bars. There was the man I'd succumbed to and felt my nerves shiver whenever near. There was the man my wayward self had slowly given into and come to depend on. I just hope I can be someone he can depend on as well.

"You want to come back, you want to rejoin the fight. What kind of Captain would I be, to deny a brilliant soldier?" He muttered, a chuckle almost breaking through. I nod and feel him brush the tears away from my cheeks. "Can I ask why you're so insistent? You seem so afraid, and it doesn't suit you at all, brat."

"It's just the... the silence." I swallow hard and bite my lip. "The fucking quiet, the nothing. The fact I could have died in that hovel and not been found for weeks, nothing but the damned squirrels to mourn me. For some reason... f-for some damned reason, probably entirely you're fucking fault, I care now."

"Sorry, but not really." He breathes, and I just smile as I shake my head.

"It scared me so much. To the point that I was almost grateful to have Zeke there, simply because I knew he wanted to keep me alive. Even if for shitting-awful reasons."

"I think I understand, Alexia. And if I don't, I look forward to figuring it out." He hummed, pulling me into another kiss, that I just melt into. There's no denying this, and I don't really want to try. I won't fucking bother any more. This was where I was meant to be, beside him, fighting with him. I'd never known this kind of dependency, and I'd likely regret it at a later date, but I need him. Bloody hell, who am I?

He clicks his tongue. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." I sigh as I lay my head against his shoulder and feel his hands move through my hair, and down my back. It's right. It's what's meant to happen. "Anything much happen whilst I was gone?"

"Erwin's on the mend. Hanji's been neck deep in research. I've been an absolute shit."

"So the norm?" I laugh and he bonks his head against mine, tucking my hair back and just staring. I tilt my head into that hand, glad to feel it support me slightly. Damn I was such a wench right now. "What're you looking for, Levi?"

"Something other than you disappearing." He admits with a shake of his head. "For two months that's all my damned head would let me see."

"Same boat... only, the other way round." I add with a bite to my lip. His thumb runs along and makes me release it.

"I ended up telling Eren was what going on." He admits, and at first, I go tense and want to tell him off for being so damned foolish. But then I don't. If Levi had been half as messed up as I was, these past two months, I could tell why he'd need to tell someone. Even if that did rather jeopardise the whole thing. "He was doubting you, thinking you really had turned against us."

"Oh..." I nod, realising that was why the kid hadn't seemed keen to meet my eyes when I was back. He'd been told now, but I reckon he had some guilt issues with having doubted me. Typical adorable twerp.

"I won't lie, a lot of them doubted you..." Levi sighed. "But I had to tell someone. It was wrong. It felt like every word against you was pushing you further away. And I just... I kept remembering how ready you were to simply give it up. For the sake of us." He grits his teeth and I just nod again. I hadn't really considered that side to it. I'd wondered if Levi would struggle, but I hadn't considered how hard it would be to endure everyone else's doubt. I'd put him through the ringer - again.

But I really had been willing to give it all up.

For the regiment; for Hanji, for Eren, for Levi.

These damned people, and this damned Scouting Legion. They came into my life, dragged me into theirs, chained me and forged me into something I never thought I'd be. A soldier. A human. And I love them for it. I've never felt like this, even before that poison was forced into my veins and turned me into a cannibalistic fiend. I was never at peace. I don't know what I count as any more; human, soldier, beast, weapon, pawn. But I know I want to be with them, I want to be a Scout. My self, a year ago, would have slapped me silly - but she was a selfish shithead that frankly, I'd just slap right back.

I lean over and kiss his cheek, noting the ever-so-slight tinge of pink there afterwards. "I'm not giving up any more, Levi. There's too much at stake now. This Beast... it's obviously who the two shitheads were talking about before. When we fought the Armoured and Colossal, they mentioned the Beast. So whilst he's looking for them, they're looking for him." I sigh and shake my head, hearing voices burbling beyond the door. Seemed our Unicorn had woken up. "I'll need that gag, Levi." I nod to the linen on the desk.

"I'm sorry we have to go through this, but don't worry, they won't be anywhere near you, without one of us present." He pauses and runs his fingers along my cheekbone. "I'm damned glad to have you back, Alexia."

"Glad to be back, Levi." I smile and lean into those careful fingers.

He frowns. "Thought I was gonna lose my mind with you gone."

"Let's not get dramatic, Levi." I laugh and watch that pink tinge flare. "You might've just gone on a rampage against the Unicorns." I wink and he pauses before giving a soft chuckle.

He then leans over, ties the gag into my mouth and touches his forehead to mine. "They won't hurt you, I promise. I won't allow it." He sighs and steps away when the frantic footsteps approach the door.

The Unicorn in question throws the door open. Very dramatic indeed. He stands there, thin neck red and puffed up cheeks an alarming shade closer to purple. He pants and stares wildly. It's like his mother just caught him fantasising about her again, polishing his horn under his duvet. Without a word, the Unicorn growls and stalks towards me. Could they read minds now? Levi steps in between slightly, hand up. It was enough to stop the man at least, I won't deny, my knuckles are white as I grip the arm-rest.

"We've already taught her a lesson for knocking you out, no need to risk her shifting." Levi drawls casually, and I get my glare going. Play the part, and go home. That was all I needed to do at this point. Really, it was all I could do.

I grumble and pretend to fight against the bindings on the chair.

The Unicorn straightens himself out and wrinkles his nose. "I see no bruising to that effect, Captain."

"Titan healing, idiot." Levi sighed, moving past the man to lean on the opposite wall. I know why he moved away, he doesn't want to actually be suspected of protecting me, and he's already laid the foundations of my protection - they didn't want to risk me shifting by hurting me – but I'm still fucking nervous. I channel it into aggression, always served me well in the past. I snarl at the Unicorn as he approaches and grumble at Levi, keeping things mumbling as I pretend to rant at them.

The Unicorn chuckles. "Stupid wench. You'll pay for all your crimes, past and present. I've also had word from the Higher-ups that they're eager to see you."

I stare with wide eyes, only now it's not an act.

The family still wanted hold of me.

Shitting hells.

Levi frowns and steps forward again, tugging on the man's arm. "Oi, you said nothing of this in the planning stages. What's the 'higher-ups' got to do with this? Thought you lot just wanted some justice for that Meghan woman. We were willing to help, in the seeking of justice against a criminal, but what else is going on here?" Levi demands, his anger clearly aimed at the lying rather than anything else.

Though I know he's as concerned as I am now.

The Unicorn scoffs and shrugs Levi's hand away. "Above your pay grade, Captain. You've helped us capture her, and contain her, your loyalty is appreciated. But it isn't fully trusted either. Perhaps they will bring you in for questioning, and you can try your luck with them yourself. As for me? I won't be telling you a damned thing, I'm afraid. I follow my orders to the letter." He says proudly, glaring at me as I roll my eyes and scoff. He slaps me and I tense, heart thundering and chair creaking against my grip.

"Oi! What the fuck don't you understand about her being able to shift? Cause her pain, and she could bloody kill us all." Levi growled, eyes having flashed dangerously. My cheek throbs and the Unicorn wipes his hand on his trousers, turning to Levi and sneering.

"So you say." The man huffs before he leaves. "We have our ways Captain, all things can be contained in the end!" As soon as he's outside the farmhouse, his whining voice is yelping out orders.

Silence returns.

I feel cold.

But it isn't because he hit me, no, that just made my conditioned nerves go on high alert.

No, I feel ice gathering along my spine because of what he said. _We have our ways_. That niggle in the back of my mind writhes, demanding my attention again. I pant a little, the room swimming. What was it that Zeke had said? Amongst all the bullshit, all the nonsense of righteous purpose. He said how he could do it. He claimed he could raise his armies, he could rule the plains. But how? I groan and shake my head, it being blurred and messed with. _We have our ways._

It snaps into place.

 _I have my ways, Alexia. Every damned civilian can become my pawn._

Shit.

"Alexia? Oi, look at me," Levi is patting my face, I don't know how long I zoned out for, but he looks panicked. I swallow hard and try to respond. "They won't take you away they won't... whoa.. What's going on?" Levi does a double-take when I meet his eye. Carefully he tugs the gag out of my mouth when he had closed the door again.

Hanji joins us and kneels down beside me.

I swallow hard and sip some water she holds to my mouth.

Dammit, I almost wish I hadn't remembered this. Its come back to me now, what I was trying to remember whilst me and Eren cleaned house. Whilst we fought those titans, whilst we endured that sudden swarm. That niggle had burst into truth, and now my hands now feel rather filthy.

"The swarm. I... I-I think I know how he got the swarm so large."

They blink.

Yeah I realise to you guys it's gonna be random, but just endure it.

I go on, voice shaking. "I might have an explanation for that."

"Might?" Levi repeats, and when I look at him, our gazes lock. I doubt anyone else would notice it, but his eyes flash with concern when he reads me. He knows I'm scared right now, I'm nothing but a damned pop-up book to him, am I? "Alexia, what do you know?"

"He... Zeke, he claimed he could command Titans."

"Yeah you already told us that."

"No, I mean he could m-make them." I explain, tongue feeling heavy, like I needed to vomit or something. The silence hangs like my warm breath, and I feel them staring at me. "H-he said, he could make people into them."

I wait, and then hear Levi click his tongue.

"Bullshit." My Captain snaps. I sigh with a shake of my head. He leans forward. Nothing but the creak of the wooden floorboards sounds for a few seconds. Fear rules the room, dancing in the back of our minds as we contend with this truth. "Have you seen him do it?"

"No." I swallow. "But at this point, I'll believe it, til I actually see that he can't. He spoke a lot of righteous shit Levi, but I didn't actually ever sense he was lying. He... h-he was so sure of himself, of his victory. Fuck, I really think he can."

"But there's no people out here any more." Hanji said and I look to her with a shrug.

"I ain't claiming to know the whole story, maybe he brought the bastards with him when he came here from whatever hole he crawled out of."

"Possible..." she murmurs, pushing her glasses back up her nose.

"But... b-but that was what he said. He said he could do it as easy as breathing. That might have been an exaggeration, but that would at least explain why he was so confident." I feel that niggling feeling grip my whole mind, it seeming to writhe with the words. "If Zeke gets into Wall Rose... he could turn every civilian against us."

"But wait," Hanji murmurs, fingers tapping against her chin. Her glasses flash and she shakes her head slowly. I am hoping she has a theory to throw this back in my face, to tell me I must have imagined it whilst under the bastard's control. Come on, Hanji! Slap me with some brilliant scientific retort! But then she looks up and I swear I could fall into those eyes. "Does that mean all Titans were once Human?"

It's like the air has just been sucked out of the room.

Movement occurs beyond the door, but it feels far away. Like the ground around this small cupboard-like room has fallen away and we're left here alone.

Levi sits down on the ground, face composed, but I can tell his mind is racing.

Hanji gnaws on her thumb-nail.

I just look between them.

"So..." Levi starts, gritting his teeth tightly. "What you're saying is, this whole time, ever since I joined this damned regiment. I might have been running around, killing humans? People?" Levi's voice dips as his lips tighten round the words. He stares at the floor, and his hands curl into fists.

Shit. His kill count, and my own, were so high. Once a badge of honour, now felt more like a bloodied ledger, dripping with names. Tally marks. Too many damned tally marks.

"It might not be true." Hanji says determinedly, but when I meet her gaze again, I know we're both thinking the same thing. Knowing our luck? It was the truth. Knowing our luck? It was the unavoidable and absolute truth.

"But either way, w-we can't prove it right now." I say quietly, meeting their confused gazed and trying my best to conjure a smile. "We can't tell anyone else. There's no point. Even... E-Even if it is true. That doesn't a-avoid the fact that Titans kill humans, they mindlessly consume us. We can't _not_ defend ourselves." I breathe, and slowly they both nod.

It was horrifyingly easy to justify genocide sometimes.

* * *

The quiet had clung to us like rain dampened clothes. But really, there was nothing more we could do. The three of us carried on. I was taken outside, shackles in place and head hung in shame, and I was thrown into a closed wagon. It was touching really, they'd brought me my very own portable cell. I don't fight the shackles, I just glare at them all, and bare my teeth when an MP wandered too close. It wasn't exactly a hard act to keep up, I have to admit. They were the type of people that made me feel rather bitey. They flung me in there, I got the bruises, but as soon as I heard the locks slide into place, and felt those wheels turn? A small noise of relief escaped me.

I was going home.

At some point I must have dropped off, lulled to sleep by the trundle of wheels and firing of flares. When I jolt awake, it's to a rap upon the wagon's door. We were still moving, so it must have just been someone checking in on me. I look over, holding my breath for a moment when it creaks open. A random cadet walks in, my body curling on itself as I see a Unicorn badge on their shoulder. Shit. Where was Levi?

They close the door and dip their head, smiling and then patting the badge. "Don't worry miss, nothing more than a case of switch-around. Scout through and through I assure you." He had a soft voice, the kind that would normally make my skin crawl. But with that reassuring grin, and submissive demeanour, I'm willing to call it pleasant.

"The fuck you doing in here, kid?" I ask, sitting up properly and watching him close as he approaches and then kneels down to undo my shackles.

"Well they couldn't exactly have the Captain or Squad Leader Zoe do this, could they? The MP's would immediately know sumthin' was up."

"Ah... good point." I nod, rubbing my wrists and then tilting my head as the kid pulls on the wagon's false bottom. I knew the plan, I'd prepared for the plan, but it still looked rather precarious.

The kid tilts his head. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I nod and approach the hole.

The world slips by underneath and I swallow hard. If it worked, I'd be back in HQ by nightfall. If it didn't? I'd fall off and likely be trampled into a bloodied mess, slowly healing as the sun went down and I was left on the plains. Oh well, I had to fucking try, right? I clamber down with the kid's help, looping my arms into these small rings of metal Hanji had got attached before we moved out. This is, to put it bluntly, not fucking comfortable. I'm lying parallel to the bottom of the wagon, face down, watching the world rush past, and I hear the wood moved back into place. It konks me on the back of the head slightly. Close quarters indeed.

Not perfect, but at least I caught some sleep when I could.

Considering that every moment, I'm wondering if a rock's gonna come up and kiss me, or indeed if a horse has decided to take a shit during the ride and I'll be splashed by it, the time passes quickly. I hear the three consecutive flares for the five mile marker and then brace myself. Now, they'd check. Now, the Unicorns would find an empty wagon. Now... it was time to see if this facade would actually fucking work.

Thus far no rocks had hit me.

Thus far no shit had splashed up at me.

And finally, thus far, only minimal dirt had sprayed up at me, along this bumpy ride.

So really, my luck was already going well; and of course that just makes me really bloody nervous for this next part.

I'm clenching things, I didn't even know I could clench.

We're still in motion of course, but I hear more horses approach. They whinny as the wagon slows slightly, in order to let them board. I hold my breath despite the fact there's no point. The wheels are still rolling, the world was still turning, yet as I hear those iron hinges groan open, I swear my heart is going to explode. Either that or something further south.

"So bitch, you ready to face... the consequences... _fucking hell_!" The steps rumble, a flare is fired and I hear panicked garbling going on behind the wagon.

I think they noticed a lack of Alexia Senefold.

We're still moving. The Unicorn demands that the formation stop. Thankfully, the wagon driver has enough spine to say no. Funnily enough, we're not going to be stopping Titan territory, simply because they had a bone to pick with a prisoner. I will kiss that driver. The Unicorn growls and I hear flares being fired off.

Ass hole was likely confusing the entire regiment, but I just hold on.

Damn my arms ache.

There's commotion, there's shouting, feet charge about inside the wagon, making the wood thunk against my head every so often. Before I know it, a teardrop has run down my nose and fallen away to the passing undergrowth. Dammit emotions, just leave me to throttle through the world attached to the bottom of a wagon, in peace! But no, I'm really scared. I'd faced Titans, death, torture, my own reflection before coffee, and crushing loneliness, yet right now? Right now, I was most frightened of all. And why? Because I was almost there, I was almost home.

So close.

I could just about taste it.

The rumbling buzz of the mess-hall at dinner time, the echoing conversation from the stables or corridors at night. The crackle of dampened lanterns and the swish of capes. Creaking doors and clacking gear. It was all so fucking close. I grit my teeth. I would get there! I would get up that dirty track, I would see those old stone walls, and I would wave at that lit window. The Blonde Bastard would wave back. We'd enter the big front doors and I'd feel this weight leave my chest. I would. I'd get back there. I'd see how the place had been, I'd hug Eren close and punch Armin on the arm. I'd go visit the unarmed Commander and sit on his desk, brazen as ever and enjoy his reprimanding. I'd go see how much of a mess Hanji had made in her lab recently, and then go have a terrible cup of coffee.

I'd walk those halls till finally, these relief filled tears had slowed to nothing.

Till I was emptied of this gratefulness, and allowed to refill myself with purpose.

Then?

I bite my lip, before quickly regretting it. Then, I'd walk up the stairs, likely with Levi in my wake. I'd head to that office and joined bedroom. The door would click shut, and I'd feel that connection swamp over me. I'd flop onto clean sheets, and breathe in his scent of tea and parchment. I'd hear him close the door behind himself. I'd hear his straps and boots hit the floor, I'd be rolled over and feel him take off these torn and rumpled clothes that I'd dwelt in for too damned long. The shower might start, the warmth of the steam so pleasant and normal as it caresses my fingertips. He'd huff at my stubbornly still state, and scoop me up. He'd take me to the shower and stand with me in his arms under the fresh cascade.

Fuck.

It would happen.

It had to happen.

I'd force my heavy body to move and I'd hold onto him. We wouldn't say it in words, but we'd just enjoy being back together and able to finally depend on each other again. We wouldn't admit it in words, but we'd feel life start again. Then I'd wriggle free and demand what my body wanted. I'd submit to these throbbing aches, and I'd push him against icy tiles. I'd tangle my hands messily into his dark hair, and his arms would wound wind round me. I feel my lips break into a broad grin. He'd push back, pinning me to the wall instead and let go of his composure that little bit more. His breathing would be panted. His hands would be insistent. He'd run them all over me, demanding to know my body again. I'd arch into it, pant his name and demand his kiss on my lips. I'd want it all. Shit, I want it now. We'd tangle. We'd broil. We'd fuck on the shower floor, like desperate fools.

I open my eyes and withhold the laughter I feel bubble in my chest. More droplets fall from the end of my nose and I just feel my heart clench more. I had to get there. I had to make those daydreams, reality. But in order to do so, I had to endure this fear first. I don't really catch the conversation going on in the wagon, there's too much noise between the creaking wheels, shuffling feet, and loud voices. They all want to be heard.

Until that is, when they suddenly shut up.

Gear hooks slam into the wagon's side and a nimble landing occurs by the door. My nerves shiver and I find myself holding onto the metal bars harder.

"The hell is going on in here?" My Captain plays it beautifully. "What're you all doing slowing down the formation. Fancy being Titan shit before... oh..."

The others shuffle back to let him stride in. He commanded such respect, and whilst feeling tell-tale aches between my thighs, I also felt relief that he hadn't lost any of that command due to me. I hadn't cost him that. He was still Humanity's Strongest, he was still the great Captain Levi.

"So, she's gone and escaped again. Which one of you idiots let that happen?" He drawls and I can only imagine the outrage ringing back at him.

The loud ruckus of retorts and offended exclamations rises up.

"Oi!" He cuts through it all and I feel a bump in the road ahead. "We've already lost too many good soldiers in this damned mission, I'm not about to turn this formation around because you lot have a quota to meet with the brass."

"But Captain Le-"

"Suck it up. We had her, we questioned her, and now we've lost her. Deal with it once we're back inside the walls. We learned things at least, the day isn't a total loss."

"So you're saying we just keep going?" Scoffs a Unicorn and there's an easily recognised click of a tongue.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. We're practically at the gates anyway, we're going home and you can just take it up with the Commander if you have a problem. As it stands? This shit is on you. Now get the fuck out of here."

The world slips under me.

A tear rolls off of me.

I hear more flares and feel home get closer.

"We aren't used to such mediocre results, Captain." I hear the distinct nose wrinkled stench of a Unicorn scorning. I simper, easily imagining how my Captain must be looking at that shithead right now. This is not helping my aching nerves.

A steady stride moves to the back of the wagon and then there's a long pause. "Not used to mediocre results? Likely because, at the end of the damned day, you lot aren't used to any results at all."

I swear, we are not making it to the fucking shower.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. Please Fav, follow and review! Love to hear from you all, see you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **Shoutouts:**

 **ThePatientGenius:** Yay! Glad you liked the reunion, it was still a good 2 months of separation, so I'm glad it felt like a decent chunk of time. That's always so hard to make clear, especially in something like AOT, where the canon timeline is actually happening so fast. I can't remember exactly, but I saw a breakdown of the timeline for the first season/second season and it's something like a couple months. ALL THAT (since Trost) happens in a couple months. It's insane! But yeah, I'm glad to know I managed to show that it had been some time, even though it was only a couple chapters. So glad you've enjoyed / see the development. Some people seem to really have issues with Canon characters being developed and it's odd. Haha, well maybe you'll get your Alexia/Erwin reunion next time ;) stay tuned! I Really like writing them together as well, it's been great for exploring characters in both. I've found new aspects of Alexia by having her deal with Erwin, and vice versa. I'm thrilled to have you intrigued by the control aspect from Zeke, it was fun to include it and develop it. I dunno where you are with the Manga and such so I won't discuss anything till I do, haha. Yeah she had more to tell, and it wasn't good news, haha, hope you liked that reveal. I am so thrilled when I see people reacting to Alexia, and I'm glad you like her badassery being back in the fold. I hope my direction is ok with you, and I hope you enjoyed the update :D thanks for reviewing, you're wonderful for doing so, and see you in the next update!

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Haha, I'm glad to have you so hooked, and glad to not disappoint! I'm glad you enjoy the chit-chat, I love it, I look forward to it as a prelude to having to press that daunting 'upload' button! Cliffhangers are so much fun, sorry, they really just are! I'm really glad to have genuinely made you laugh, that's a serious feather in my cap. Humour is always so hard to do in writing, as tone can be difficult to portray. My boyfriend suffer a lot for this, haha, thankfully he also loves Attack On Titan though, so I'm sure he's coming to terms with it by now. Been doing it long enough, eh? I love that ur still hung up on the Erwin thing from FFD! I think you said in ur review to FFD that ur not all that caught up on things generally speaking but basically I'm just gonna say that Zeke is a cannon character but I am definitely writing him in my own way. I really feel like some of the newer chapters have lost their way in terms of characterisation, so I just decided to go with it in my own way. Hope that makes sense! To make me confident... lol no, I really don't think the president would help with that. Put it this way, I think if even my favourite author (the late, great, Terry Pratchett) had said he loved my work, I would IMMEDIATELY assume it was a fluke. Or he was joking. Or he was being paid. I am trying to be more confident though, trust me, I worry a lot less about uploading these days... okay maybe a little less, but still. I take suggestions yeah, I like to know where my readers think the story is going, or want it to go. I'm saying nothing on the reunion sex thing, who knows! But really I just like to know the kinds of things Readers want from my stories, and then I can take that into account. Other's perspective is essential in writig to be honest, it's very much a bubbled experience; you enter a story and can get so focused on it, that everything else falls away. Then its hard to know what really works / what doesn't. Haha, yeah, sweet outter shell and the spawn within. I can take that!  
Yeah, a lot happened in that chapter, it was a lot of fun to write. Haha, glad you're intrigued by the plans. I love how much you just 'get' Levi and Alexia, it really is a joy for me to know I've managed to portray it so vividly for you. Yas, so glad you pointed out the Scout's reactions, I was rewriting that sooooo many times! Thanks! Lol sexia. Oh yeah, I don't think you have really ever mentioned Eren much, but I totally know what you mean. They tend to make him really REALLY young or whimpering, and whilst I like to keep in mind that he's supposedly 15, I also try to keep in mind that really, with all that trauma etc. he's got more the mentality of like... an 18 year old or something. He's broken, but hardened. Lol, that's just how I see his character. And I really like his character, a lot of people seem to not like him, and really I think that's because he is SO much more emotional than the likes of Levi, Erwin and Mikasa. At least on the surface. And personally, I don't see that as a character weakness, I see it as awesome variation! I do know WHY he annoys people though, don't get me wrong. I just find a lot of... I dunno... intrigue with him? I have had to spend far too much time with these characters, haha, can you tell? Your reviews are amazing, but I have to warn you that no, you will not make me cry. I have never cried at a film, song or book in my life. Not a crier, must be my gnarled Scottish wench ways. You do make me smile though, ear to ear Cheshire Cat grin. I'm so glad you liked the update, and I hope you liked this one too! I had a lot of fun writing this one. I love speaking with my reviewers, you're all so amazing, and a big part of why my fics are still going. Aw wow, you're doing it again, I'm fucking blushing here. I'm so glad you like the ongoing conversation (be bloody awkward if you didn't!) and I love it too. Original and refreshing is likely one of the BEST compliments I could ever want for my writing, so thank you, sincerely thank you. Haha, this was a looong one, I LOVE IT! Hope the update was good for you, and I once again thank you for reviewing, you star! See you next time!

 **GermanWinter:** I have actually now planned the endings for all my fics. All 3! So I hope that also gives you a more rounded idea. But then again, it's nice for me to know exactly where I'm going to. Don't get me wrong, I always had a vague notion of where they would end up, but now I have actually PLANNED the finales for them all. It's exciting as well as intimidating tbh. I can fully understand liking to know that something is planned, it's less likely to suddenly stop, or be rushed that way. Oneshots are great, I exchange them occasionally with a friend of mine. And tbh sometimes they end up like 10,000 words long. So a oneshot won't always mean a small story for me, haha! Yeah I had fun with that Levihan oneshot, I love DYFM's artwork, and whilst I don't ship it, she has convinced me of a relationship being there. I find it endearing. Glad you liked the chapter! I really like Mikasa as well, and I have never understood the crap she gets from fans. I mean, she frustrates me to no end, but I still find her great as a character. I really should use her more, apologies on that front. Oh good lord, no it isn't anywhere NEAR 'pls update' you've shown WHAT you enjoyed and WHY you're looking forward to the update. People that just write 'pls update' just sound greedy to me. As in, they've gobbled up the content, can't be arsed to say what they liked / didn't like, but still demand more. That is NOT what you did, you never do. Your review's are wonderful ^-^ thank you so much for chiming in again, glad to know you're enjoying the action! See you next time!

 **Scarletusagise:** 'Break mean more updates' I dunno if you mean you'll be able to read more, or I'll update more, because my 3-4 week schedule is pretty much set in stone for now. I'm not in school or anything, so the 'summer break' doesn't really affect me, haha. But I hope you enjoy mexico, and I hope you enjoyed the update.

 **WolfEnergy17:** Haha, I can see that you're back, and WHOA, that was a review and a half! Sorry to hear Finals were so mean to you, I wish you good luck with them! Glad to have you back though! Haha, I'm glad I managed to surprise you with Zeke, and I see what you mean about the romantic side to things. To be honest, it was partially on purpose, I wanted to up the creep factor, so I may edit that out, or I may not. Yay Hanji love, haha, I love writing her so much, so thanks for pointing her out as a highlight. Well, Mikasa is a bit of a bitch to people being near Eren, let's be real, but yeah I have always and will always see her as valuable. The woman is an army in herself! I nearly edited Levi hugging Alexia OUT, but then decided that no, his character had come far enough that he might just go 'fuck it' and hug her, haha! Lol Eren is slow, but also easily made paranoid about people betraying him, and I think at this point its understandable. You're welcome for the word, it is a favourite of mine too. Tbh, I will definitely edit Historia's content when I go back through (whenever the hell that will be) but personally I have never got much of a read on her in the manga/anime etc. because... to me, when Isamya writes 'secret' lives or 'memory' issues, half the time it just comes across as wildly inconsistent. That's why I always find it tricky to write Historia, Reiner, and Bertholdt, because to me, when reading the manga etc I was like... pick a side guys, you're all fucking bipolar. But I do know that's likely my own reading/misreading, so I do what I can. Sorry on the OOC thing, but I just went with what I felt for that character at the time. And I promise it was for a reason, haha. Yeah, the 1st POV is a problem with things like that, because until Historia becomes an ISSUE, there's no real reason for Alexia to give a shit, y'know? But I will keep it in mind when/if I get round to editing this fic from start to end. I hope the update was good for you, and I hope to hear from you again soon! Thanks!

 **MoonLover765:** Glad you liked the updates, well done on catching up! Hope this update was also good for you, and thanks for reviewing.


	44. Chapter 44

**Hello, hello, hello! Not QUITE the 3 week mark, but only one day into the 4th week, not bad, not bad! But yeah, I keep getting people asking when I'll update... lol GUYS, it's every 3-4 weeks. If there are gonna be delays, I tell yoooou. SO, just look at the last update date and then count forward 3, baddabing-baddaboom, there you have it. From that day onwards, there's a week window where I should update. Taa daaaah! (I mean, if I do ever disappear? Some shit has gone down, just saying. I hate being late, I hate when authors just _vanish_ , so if I have gone caput and disappeared for a couple months, it's likely for a major reason, and likely not ever going to happen)**

 **Anyway, here we go :D**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

 **Warning (I guess?) Mature Content deffo applies in this chapter but... tbh when doesn't it? ANYWAY, warning applied.**

* * *

It feels like I've been under this wagon for days. Then again, I guess it would feel that way. Between the ache in my fucking muscles, and the childlike impatience dancing around my head, there isn't much left for perspective. The world can get real small, when you're only seeing a blurred green smudge of it. My arms, hooked into those iron rings, ache like mad the whole way back. They want me to let go, they beg me to simply submit and tumble into the plains grass. It'd taste so sweet, for about five seconds. But, fat chance. I'd been through too much shit, to simply give in now. They'd already had the shenanigans with the frantic Unicorns, we couldn't be far off the walls. Not long now. Bruises faded, but being home would be forever. At least, I hope that's true this time. It would certainly take an awful lot to get me to go anywhere else, anytime soon.

When the grass of the plains has merged into the cobbles of the city, I have to use everything in my willpower to withhold my little cry of joy. Heck, I wanted to burst up out of the wagon and dance around on the rooftops. Civilisation in all it's messed up, noisy, smelly wonder. Closer and closer we get to that big old castle, with those big old doors and that big old blonde bastard. Of course, as we traipse through the town at a more civilised rate - much to my dismay - the usual civilian effort gathers. And then it starts. The yelling, the heckling, those idiots being their awful bastard selves. Yet I love it. I can't get enough of their incessant whining, their awful hypocrisy. Give me it all, you ignorant little twats! Damn, I'd listen to it all day. Although I'm sure my tolerance would soon return to normal, and I'd want to smack them all silly – but still! As least now I could! At least now I had that option.

The cobbles melt back to grass, the hubbub fades away and I breathe in that familiar sweet scent. We must be passing by the meadows between the city and the path to HQ. This rumbles around for a while, and horses rush past us as teams go ahead. They'd deal with the wounded, or even just get the stables ready for everyone's return. Then the grass hardens into well-trodden dirt-track, and I'm grinning all over again. Yes. Bit by bit. Closer and closer. Those threads around my heart are bristling, they're tightening, they're strengthening. I can practically smell the saddle soap, and leather polish. I can almost taste the under-seasoned stew, and badly stored Ale. I can hear the damned morning bell, and cacophony of adolescent yawning.

I'm salivating.

I'm going home.

By the time it's dusty compound passing beneath me, I can't even feel my arms complaining any more. The bastards had finally shut up. The wagon is rolled into the store, and the horses are led away. The store is so quiet, yet so warm. Stuffy with warped wood, un-cleaned wheels and rusted joints. But still. I knew it. I remembered it. It wasn't going to change any time soon, and it hadn't changed whilst I was away. I stay still, I can't move from my spot until someone comes to get me. It'd be Hanji, or maybe even Eren or Levi. I know it could be all day, but I don't care, I just listen to the goings on and revel in my return.

Eventually, a couple angry Unicorns turn up here and there. They bitch, they moan, they theorise what actually happened. Some of them have pretty damned good imaginations, I have to say, but I'm grateful to hear no suspicion against Levi or Hanji. There's a couple against, Eren, but that's just idiocy that I am willing to ignore for now. The kid would never be truly free of their suspicion, that just came with the Shifter territory.

But then, it happens.

Finally, after fuck knows how long, I hear the rumble of a familiar voice. I bite my lip. The thump of a familiar stride enters the store and the door closes behind it. He was here. There's a pause, there's a click of a tongue and then the stride enters the wagon. My heart feels like it's gonna explode at this rate. Another pause, and then finally the panel is lifted away. Cooler air hits my back, and suddenly my arms are very loud in their complaining. But then, there's another pause. A long one. A sinking feeling settles in my gut, and my hands clench into fists.

Wasn't it him?

Shit, it was an MP.

I'd been found.

I was gonna be-

"You look fucking awful, brat."

I half laugh, half sob.

That son-of-a-bitch!

Strong arms wrap round me, and haul me out of my hooks. For a second we just stand there, him holding me from behind, crushed to his body and me leaning back into it. Was this what normal people did? Then he turns me, kisses me and I just melt. Sod pride, sod the hard-ass act, this was what I fucking wanted. All those nights curled in on myself, wondering if I could escape Zeke's hold, I'd thought about this embrace. All those cold mornings I woke to the smell of an already lit campfire and felt dread pool in my gut, I thought of these lips. And now? Here they were. Here he was. Here I am. The kiss deepens, and apparently cleanliness could wait – and I couldn't agree more. My hands tangle in his hair, and I feel like he might crush me, he's holding so tight. But I just want him to hold tighter. More. Give it all to me. His hands roam over me. I sigh as I feel his tongue delve into my mouth. The bastard had drank tea whilst waiting, I taste it as I nip on his lips. I want some.

A groan rumbles in his throat as he presses me against the floor of the wagon. More. I don't care where we are, I just want to-

"We should move." He husks breathlessly, forehead against mine.

One arm has looped round me again, holding me against him as he ground ever-so-slightly between my thighs, whilst the other arm braces against the wall. My hands remain in his hair, but I don't say anything. Quite frankly, I can't. I stare up at him and eventually nod. My brain is nothing but mush right now.

He kisses me chastely and sighs. "I don't want to risk your safety because of my own desperation. Or even yours." He adds with a smirk as he gets up, and tugs me with him.

"Damn you, and that pesky intelligence." I say, brushing myself down and then smoothing his hair. "Good to know I'm not the only one eager, though."

"Far from it." He shakes his head and gestures to the crate in the wagon. "Get in, gotta give you the proper fugitive welcome, I'm afraid."

"A crate just for me? Golly." I grin and clamber inside, he hauls the lid into place and then I'm being lifted by him and some cadet he ropes into the situation. Poor kid's probably wondering why we're storing bricks. I stay as still as possible, and I don't even squeak when the kid nearly drops me.

Levi muttered angrily. "You really wanna explain to the Commander why his order was broken because you have butter fingers?"

The cadet squeaks. He stole my line.

Levi clicks his tongue. "Just get the door, brat." He sighs and takes the crate himself.

" _Show-off_." I mutter and the crate jostles.

We enter the office, the door clanks shut, and I'm placed on the floor.

Another pause.

"Um," I can feel the Golden Nugget staring at the crate. "Good evening, Levi. Did you get some supplies whilst passing through town?"

I clamp a hand over my mouth. Oh c'mon, don't pretend to suit that hair colour now!

Levi knocks the box with his boot. Bit rude. "Nah, but I reckon you'll like what's inside. Go on, Commander, open it up. It's not locked tight or anything."

"All right..." Erwin doesn't sound convinced, but his chair scrapes back all the same. He strides over, and I can practically hear that big old brain clunking away as he approaches and then lays a hand onto the lid. "Levi, have you been doing some smuggling?"

Levi's smirk is loud and clear.

The lid rattles and then slides off, the light from the lanterns in the office making me blink a bit before I look up and simper at those big blues.

"Well hello there, Golden Boy."

He stares.

He smiles.

And right before I start worrying if he's gonna cry like a mush-ball, the brute leans in, hauls me out with his one arm and hugs me. The Browlord himself is hugging me. I stare over his shoulder at Levi, and judging from the way Levi's brows have disappeared into his hairline, I don't think my Captain saw that reaction coming either. What do you know, the Stumped One has a heart!

"You're back." Erwin breathes, finally letting me go and allowing my lungs to refill. I sit on the edge of the box and cough a bit. He clears his throat. "Apologies, got a little carried away."

"You fucking strong brutes," I hack and then smooth my hair back. "Good to know I was missed!"

"You certainly were." Erwin nodded and I see that hint of a smirk.

"Good to see you back on your feet, _sir_." I chuckle and step out when he moves to sit down again at his desk.

"Glad to be back, Senefold. And glad to have you back, too. I have to admit, it wasn't part of the plan, but I also admit I'm pleased to see you're as willing to follow my plans as ever." He murmurs before he takes out a couple glasses. "I can only assume you'd like a drink?"

"Hell yes, service around here has greatly improved, I see." I take the glass and enjoy a long sip, sighing and hanging my head back. "Shit, that's good. One thing I didn't ever really get the hang of, was making my own booze."

"I'd have thought it would be your first task." Erwin swirled his own drink after handing Levi his. I sit on the edge of the desk and drain mine, the Commander apparently more than happy to refill it. He was in a very good mood. Maybe I really had been missed?

"You'd think so, but the Squirrels were always judgemental bastards. Didn't approve of a lady drinking alone."

"So they cared about _you,_ because...?" Levi raises a brow and I stick out my tongue, a general chuckle going round the room.

I hear some shouting from the compound, and tilt my head. "How long are the Unicorns gonna stick around, do you think?"

Erwin sipped his drink and sighed, "well that rather depends. Whenever it is that they demand another meeting, I'll gauge how they feel. If they seem eager to be back out there, I'll lay down heavily the fact that we lost good people, then they'll feel too hypocritical to ask me to overlook that. They've called me a devil too often to ask for more lives to be 'wasted' surely?" He smirked and I grin. "If they seem un-eager, I'll lay in heavily to the idea of us hunting you down all over again. Of course, if I get it wrong, Levi's ready with the back-up argument and vice-versa." Erwin nods and swirls that liqour again.

"Um... so you fully expected to find me and bring me back?" I frown, looking between them. I thought he just said I _wasn't_ supposed to be back here? My brain is not what it was.

"Well no, I expected you to possibly be _found_ , and then helped to _escape_." The Commander shrugged. "So I'd already planned for the subsequent argument about your whereabouts. So then, why is it that you're back here in the compound?"

I pause and run my finger around the rim of my glass.

"Alexia?" Erwin says, leaning forward and emanating far too much concern.

I smile at that oddly affectionate look. "I'm fine, Stumples. I just... I couldn't stay out there any longer. For one reason or another, I couldn't stand it. And, well I'm sure everyone else will tell you this themselves, there's a new titan in town." I watch those eyes hone in on me, tightening as they narrow. There he was.

"The Beast that you mentioned Reiner and Bertholdt were going to be looking for?"

Bingo.

I nod.

He nods.

Levi drains his drink. "Look, can we start theorising later?" He looks tired, and I think I probably do as well.

Erwin sits back. "Of course, Levi."

"Thanks, for now, let's just get Alexia to my quarters until the MP's have gotten the hell out of our hair. I think it's the safest place."

Erwin simpered. "Well you would."

"It won't be long before the snows set in anyway," Levi continues, ignoring that suggestive expression. "Even if this prick 'The Beast' can be a threat, he won't be able to use Titans in the dead of winter." Levi plonks his glass onto the table, and I glance at him.

"As far as we know." I say before I drain my glass.

"Thanks for that cheery edit." He sighs, smoothing back his hair and clicking his tongue. "We have never seen Titans moving in snow. Zeke might have power, but he ain't a fucking wizard."

"As far as we-"

"Bad joke." Levi snapped, and I just bite my lip to avoid giggling. "Now get in the box, please?"

"I'll speak to you both in the morning?" Erwin says as I clamber back into the crate and await my carriage to pull out of the station.

"Sure thing, Commander. See you then."

"A good night to you, then. Just remember to lock your door, these MP's have a startling knack, for forgetting to knock." Erwin muttered rather bitterly, he hadn't changed much at all. Though he was definitely wearing the lacking arm better now.

Levi hauls me through to his room. As we go, I look forward to when I can freely walk around the HQ again, to soak it all in. But for now, I would make do. I can peer between the wooden planks, and I can see the odd little flicker of familiarity.

For now, it would do.

For now, I was still home, and that was all that mattered.

Once inside Levi's office, I'm plonked on the ground, the door is locked and I hear some lanterns being lit. I shove the lid open and peer around. Not a thing had changed. I catch Levi staring. He approaches and holds onto my chin, my eyes fixed on his.

"Even if this Beast bastard could use Titans in winter? He won't get to you again. I swear."

I nod. "Yeah... of course." I smile impishly when he nods, kissing my lips before letting go and moving away so I can get out. He tugs off his cravat and loosens his buttons.

"Feel free to make yourself at home, after all, you're there." He murmured, undoing his belts as well.

Layer by layer, the human was being shown.

I look around with a big grin in place. It was warm, someone had already been in and made a fire for him. Perks of being a Captain, I guess. I go over and lean on his desk, seeing typical papers and typical things in place. So normal. As my eyes scan around the place, he nudges my arm and I chuckle.

"Good to know it hasn't changed."

"What were you expecting?" He asks, tucking my hair back.

I shrug. "I have no idea, but I'm glad it's just the same, anyway." I turn to him and accept his leaning in. Our lips meet and my arms go round his neck.

Thankfully I'd been rather too distracted by the distance, to miss the real heat of our intimacy. But now? I feel that need rage in me, and I hold onto him tighter. Those cold nights nip at my memories. His arms loop round me, and I'm sat on the desk, him hitching my legs onto his waist. Perfect.

"I missed you so damned much, brat." He breathes, kissing down my throat.

I feel a lump forming, and some tears brewing in my eyes. I really had missed him. Those threads around my heart are thicker than ever, binding me to him and this place. It scares the hell out of me in all honesty, and as our hands roam over each other, and our lips meet over and over, I feel that fear rising with the need to sob. It's so stupid, my emotions feel all over the place, but I can't help it. Now that I was back, now that I was in his arms, what the hell would happen next? There was still plenty swords dangling over our heads, right?

Zeke was only gone for the time being.

Reiner and Bertholdt were still out there, and likely going to join him.

Kenny still had a hand in things, I can feel that like a splinter in my ass.

The royals still wanted me for their damned work, whatever that was.

The MP's wanted my blood for their precious Meghan.

"Where've you gone?" He murmurs into my ear, kissing just under it and then putting his forehead to mine. "Let the noise go for now, we can deal with it later. Now you can rest, we can just... enjoy things for a bit." He sighs, looking very tired in that moment. I wonder how many nights sleep I had cost him already.

"Sorry I just..." I lick my lips. "Just can't help it, y'know? Still so many things waiting to pounce. Being back here just makes it all the more immediate."

"I didn't make you feel forced to return, right?" He asks, hands resting on my hips. I shake my head and he sighs in relief. "Good. Was worried my idiot self had got loose without me knowing. Hell, Shitty-Glasses almost tried to make me stay behind in case."

I run my hands up and down his chest slowly. "Nah, I wanted to be back here, to be back in the fight."

"So why the hesitation?" His nose brushes mine. "I want to know how to help, this time, brat. I don't want you having to act alone again, and then run for your life." He breathes, hold on my hips tightening slightly.

I swallow hard. "Meghan needed to be gotten rid of, Levi."

"Yeah, but we could have figured it out together."

"She was deranged. She was clearly willing to do anything by that point. She was likely gonna give in and just kill me and Erwin to be done with it."

I feel his gaze on me, but I keep my eyes closed. His thumbs rub small circles into my hips and I shudder. "I'd have never let her hurt you, Alexia."

"And I would never let you risk yourself for me." I breathe, leaning in to kiss him, but finding the air vacant.

"But you risked yourself for us?" An edge creeps into his voice. I bite my lip and nod, a small shrug to my shoulders too. He sighs heavily, like I'm a troublesome child. "Alexia, you can't keep thinking like that. If this... if we're going to work this out, then you can't just throw yourself in like a disposable option."

I can't respond to that.

The silence hangs heavy.

"Alexia, look at me."

I can't.

He wants me to promise something that I can't. And I won't lie to him. Me coming back wasn't just about me being with Levi. That is a big part of it, of course it fucking is, I'm a drooling idiot in love. But beyond that, I want to be in the fight again. And to fight, I might well have to be in a place of sacrifice.

I'm okay with that.

I guess, I didn't take into account that Levi isn't.

"I don't get it." His voice is hurt. "I thought you wanted to come back, I thought you were desperate to come back and actually stay here this time. Yet you're still just willing to throw yourself onto the fucking pyre? Like a damned martyr?" He snarls.

My eyes flash open. "I'm not here to be protected by you, Levi. You keep saying you'll save me, you'll protect me. I came back to fight, not to be coddled. Don't do that, don't forget who I am."

"I'm not coddling you, dammit!" He yells, a safety being blown off him as he backs up a bit and grits his teeth.

I stare at him. "Levi, what the hell are you getting so angry abo-"

"You're here, right in front of me, but you're still planning on leaving. It's still there, just waiting to happen."

I'm frozen.

He continues, angrily. "What, you think we can't do this without you? That we're fucking helpless without the great, Alexia Senefold?" He demands, and I don't understand any of this anger. He looks wild, his eyes unsteady, his hair dishevelled as he runs his hands through it. What had happened whilst I was away? What pit had he thought himself into?

I swallow hard. "No, it isn't that. Of course not. I know you guys can handle anything, of course I know that. I don't doubt any of you, for a second."

"Then why are you so willing to just _throw_ yourself away?" He snaps between his teeth, reining in his voice a bit. His knuckles turn white. "We can handle everything, and we want your help, but I can't stand to think that you're already half out the door."

"I-I'm not!" I shake my head, but he doesn't look convinced. "I just... I want to protect you guys. I feel like I'm just bringing more and more problems to your door."

"And I want to protect you, yet you call that coddling?" He challenges, and I shrink back from my own hypocrisy. He strides over and puts his hands either side of me, bracing against the desk. "Tell me you didn't just come back, to make yourself the sacrificial lamb. Tell me."

"I didn't, I swear." I say, flinching when he looks up with that tempest in his eyes.

"And you did come back, at least partially, so that you could be here with us? Not just to fight and take the burden away?"

"Of course, that h-hasn't changed." I need to explain this, but my tongue feels like it's made of lead. I sigh and grit my teeth. "I'm sorry I freaked you out, I just... I'm not used to needing someone, Levi. It's kinda scary."

"You think?" He scoffs, shaking his head and cupping my face. He stares hard. "I haven't been this fucking dependant on anyone, since Isabel and Farlan. You think I enjoy _knowing_ what its going to do to me, when you're gone? Be it today, tomorrow or another damned decade? I'm terrified, Alexia. I can't do that again."

"Then w-why are you yelling at me?" I ask, I feel like a little girl but the words are already out there. I didn't want this to be where we ended up. I wanted smiles, laughter, warmth of home. But I feel like I'm already fucking that up.

He stares and I see a little shame enter his gaze.

I don't like it, but this sad-sack of a woman can't bring herself to take the words back.

"I'm not... At least, I'm not meaning to." He sighs, looking defeated. "I'm just very aware of how useless I am without you, now."

We share a long look, and I feel my fears melting back.

No, I hadn't fucked this up, it was just that the world still had a couple wrinkles that needed ironing out.

I nuzzle into him when he drops his hands away.

The crook of his neck is as warm as ever. Those arms wrap around me again and I hum. We really were a couple of messy humans.

"I guess we're both pretty scared, huh?" I watch that smirk appear, and then fade. A scared Levi, was an unsure Levi. I tap his bottom lip. "I'm not going anywhere, for a long time. At least, I certainly don't intend to. I promise." I kiss him and slowly he returns it.

"I'm sorry, I yelled." He murmurs, kissing down my throat again.

"It's fine, I'm a big girl, just a little shaken up right now." I sigh, leaning into his hold as he moves me, my body aligns to his. His lips make their way back up. "Don't you worry. I'll be able to take you on again soon enough, Shorty, I assure you."

"I look forward to it, brat. You make quite the challenge."

"Mm... Don't want to disappoint." I tug his collar and we kiss again, only the hunger is resurfacing. It bubbling up between us, and finally the rest of the noise starts to die away for now.

This reunion had not quite gone how I intended, but it was at least along the right tangent, yeah? His hands return to my hips, and he grinds against me slightly. My skin heats up and I nip on his tongue, right before I feel a pressing need arise elsewhere. I put a hand on his chest and nod to the bathroom.

"I never thought _I'd_ be the one of us to say it, but I'd really rather take a shower first. Or even, a hot shower." I bite my lip.

He nods. "I can understand that, your shower's shit."

"Hey! It's a fucking rain collector and a string, whaddya want from my poor little hovel?"

"Heating." He mutters, chastely kissing my lips before taking my hand and leading the way. He glances back. "Good to know my habits are rubbing off on you, I guess. Can't say I've ever had _that_ experience whilst getting clean at the same time. Even now, you're giving me new experiences."

The warmth has returned to his eyes. The panic has subsided. Whatever had made that armour clink out of place, had presumably been soothed now. In all honesty, I think I've broken this man a bit. But then again, he's also broken me too. Even playing field.

"I aim to please, sir." I bite my lip as my mouth pulls into a smile.

We head to the bathroom and he releases my hand. The water starts, and I watch the steam slowly rise. It gathers along the roof and soon fogs up the mirror. Such a simple thing, and yet I'd missed it. I shed my clothing and step into the shower, a pleased groan escapes me as I feel the cascade. For a few moments I just let the water pummel against me. I brace against the wall and lay my head there.

"Good to be home?" He murmurs, his uniform slithering to the floor. I grin and nod, my eyes closing as I hear him approach. He steps in behind me and hugs me, head resting between my shoulder blades. He kisses my back a few times. "Good to have you home."

The cold stonework tickles my hands.

I lean back against him and sigh, "good to have a home, to be back to."

Slowly, his hands move from my waist, and start to coast over me with the soap. I bite my lip again. He washes my stomach, my back, my shoulders and neck. He kneads the knots from my spine, and makes new ones in my gut. The soap drifts over my hips, and lathers down to my thighs. He's everywhere. I shiver. The soap disappears. He runs his fingers through my hair. I hear the bubbles slip past my ears. My head lolls with his movement, and he hums a little. Bliss. Gently, he pulls me back into the water and I rinse off. The hot water, and bubbles slide off me. They gather at my toes and tingle. He turns me, the soap reappearing to run over my arms, then my collarbone. My hands curl into fists. His touch runs up from my whitened knuckles, over my relaxed shoulders, then along my collarbone again.

He moves south.

My eyes stay closed.

My breath hitches.

His calloused fingers brush over my chest. My back arches into it. He chuckles and I grin. He moves closer, palming my tits and making me quiver. I lean into it again. More. His lips brush mine as his hands drift south again. I swallow hard. My lips brush his. I sling my arms round his neck as he kisses down mine. His touch continues to descend.

My pulse heightens.

His breath gravels.

I lace my fingers into his hair and tangle them, as his touch drifts over my aching need. Fuck. I groan impatiently and tug on his hair a little, opening my eyes to see him staring at me with a fire I had missed the warmth of. I grin and kiss him eagerly, sucking on his tongue as he finally curls his touch into me. Yes. My voice is muffled, but he pushes deeper as I mewl and greedily roll my hips. There's nothing but this room in the world, right now. Nothing else. I break the kiss to gasp as he adds another finger, and he thumbs that bundle of nerves. I feel like my knees are going to buckle.

"L-Levi..." I whine, and shudder as he chuckles again. I hate that I'm being so submissive, but that laughter sounds like rich wine, and it soothes my protests. I could indulge a little. I lay my head against his shoulder and continue to roll my hips, whole body trembling whilst my nerves tighten. My pulse throbs in my head, and the steam makes my breathing get even faster.

"Kiss me." He orders and I nod, kissing him, and just in time.

The man knew what he was doing, there was no doubting that.

As our lip meet, and he claims my tongue with his own, his caresses suddenly strengthened and I hear that wanton noise ripping out of me. There was no holding back. My nerves tighten and then release, heat surging in me and making me tug on his hair desperately.

Fuck.

Yes.

"Nngh... Levi, you fucking tease." I gasp, head on his shoulder again when I need to break the kiss simply to breathe. He hums and kneads me through the moment, before abandoning me and hitching my weakening legs onto his waist.

"Don't want you to fall over." He whispers, pushing me against the cold wall and making me whine. The contrast is intoxicating. When the room's stopped spinning, I open my eyes again and smile sleepily at that determined smirk. It then turns sincere and my fingers play with his undercut. "Alexia, I should really learn to say this outside the shower, but... I love you."

"Heh... you sap." I brush his hair back and squeeze with my legs, his eyes dart to my lips and he swallows. I run my thumb under his bruised looking eye. He was worried I no longer returned it, wasn't he? This man was a mess. "I love you too."

His smile makes my heart do that damned stupid stutter, and he lowers me a little, kissing me tenderly and the finally sliding into me. By the walls! I shudder, and hold onto him tightly, my breath soon stolen by the sensation of being filled. Gods, he'd gotten fucking bigger, I swear. And then he moves. Oh holy hells, yes, don't fucking stop. I laugh into a moan and kiss him again, running my hands all over his chest and back. Those hips roll against me, striking deep and grinding hard. He's going to drive me insane. My body writhes with every movement, my nerves already flustered after his handiwork beforehand. What was a girl to go?

"Levi... nngh... you're too damned good at this." I gasp into a groan, it soon turning into a growl. I can't help it. He kisses along my shoulder, hitching me upwards and latching onto my chest. My hands clench in his hair and I arch into that mouth. Harder. He groans, hips speeding up as he bites and sucks, my nerves not knowing what the hell to do but spark. His tongue rolls my bud against his teeth and I swear that pain just makes my nerves weep for joy.

"Tell me what you want." He demands, gripping my hips tight.

I want to see those bruises before they fade.

I tug his head back and kiss him again, his movements speeding up and making my thighs quiver. So fucking close.

I grin and stroke his cheek. His hips slow just slightly.

I lean in and whisper in his ear. "Fuck me. Fuck me, _Levi_."

He growls and bites at my hand, slamming into me in the next moment. I cry out and cling to him, entirely at his mercy. It all that I wanted. Something had snapped inside him, and my nails dig into his flesh as he races towards the moment.

"Fuck... Alexia," he groans, his hips stuttering a bit.

I peer over that edge and with another consuming kiss, I plummet into oblivions embrace.

With my nerves in overdrive, I moan against his shoulder, trying to stifle the noise as he grinds up both through it. His whole body went rigid as his moment coincided with mine. Perfection. It was exactly what I'd been wanting, what I'd been fantasising about. I kiss across his shoulder, and neck as the sparks die down. Levi please, don't let the world pull us apart again. Please. You say you can't go it alone again? Well neither can I. Stay with me, don't leave me, please don't fucking leave me like everyone else. He convulses against me in those final thrusts and I sigh into a slight sob.

"Hey, you all right?" He pants, nuzzling my head to make me look at him. I guess in the spray of the shower, he likely wouldn't see much of the tears, but they were there. Big droplets rolling down, as I laugh breathlessly. "Alexia? What is is?" He frowns and swallows, releasing my legs and letting me stand.

My knees are wobbly.

"I'm fine." I sniff and lay my head against his chest, chuckling again. "I'm just so fucking happy, I didn't think I was gonna be allowed to be this happy again."

He pauses, and then steps back into the main torrent, stroking my hair and turning so the water was hitting against my back again. "Welcome home, Alexia."

I look up at him and he smiles; the kind of real smile that just makes more ridiculous happy tears pour out of my foolish face.

Humans are messy.

We were messy.

But my god I fucking love it.

* * *

 **So there we go!**

 **I realise that this was less action and more revelling in the fact she has returned, but I felt it was needed for the pacing. Hope you guys enjoyed! See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **Please leave a fav, follow and review, I LOOOVE to hear from my readers. Thanks!**

 **SHOUTOUS:**

 **Guest (Chpt1):** Thank you very much for the praise, glad you like description haha, I don't exactly go halves on that front. Immersion is my foremost goal, so thank you very much for highlighting that! I'm very glad you found it as well, I sincerely hope you kept reading and enjoying, and that you find this response! Thanks for chiming in!

 **RiskyPixie (if ur the guest from above, sorry! chpts4-29):** I always love when people comment as they go through, really lets me see how consistent their enjoyment was, or indeed how they feel things have developed. I also find it great to go back and reread what section they're talking about, it can be easy to lose track in big stories such as this one! Glad you like Alexia and Levi's interactions, they've all been a BLAST to write, I have to admit. Please don't suffocate, the writing really isn't THAT good! Not worth it at all, don't make me lose such a lovely reader! Haha! Cold showers are a must when ships FINALLY sail... I'm glad you enjoyed her recovered sass. I always worry I took too long to have her recover that time, but then again, I really wanted to make it clear HOW bad she had been. Like, it wasn't a case of 'get up and go' after being knocked down. She was very close to death (in all honesty I DID write out a death sequence for that chapter!). Thanks so much for taking the time to review, it was great to see your various reactions as you went. I hope you're still reading, and I look forward to hearing from you again!

 **ThePatientGenius:** Yay! She is indeed! Haha, I'm glad to know my readers are as hyped about the return as her, that was what I was going for after all. Fluff is something I struggle with, but I also endeavour to continue doing. It can be a nice reprieve from action and smutt. I mean, there isn't a lot of smutt in this story anyway (normally, I know this chapter just ended with it but... you know what I mean), because I only want to use it when I feel like it's really needed (and it was fuuuucking needed in this chapter). And for their reunion, at least initially, I felt a softer kind of affection was needed _first_. So I'm really glad you liked the fluff - that was where I was going with that slight ramble, sorry, haha. Yeah, I enjoy writing Alexia with Hanji, they gel really well. A lot better than I planned actually. I realise that I have likely teased you a bit with the Erwin reunion, considering it was kinda brief, but I didn't want to shove too much into one update, and frankly it's not been a great month for motivation. I sincerely hope none of my chapters came across as filler... yeesh, that would be bad. So I'm glad I saved it with the action! I'm sorry if you found this to be filler, I just like these more... breather-type chapters to let the pacing calm a bit again. Thanks for reviewing again, always wonderful to hear from you. I hope you enjoyed this update just as much!

 **MoonLover765:** So glad you enjoyed the update - I hope you enjoyed this one as well! Thank you for reviewing, you're very kind for doing so and it's wonderful to know you're still reading and still enjoying the content so much! Plenty more planned, have no fear. Thanks again, speak soon.

 **GermanWinter:** You're not being a greedy dick, no. It simply lets me know I have you upon the edge of your seat, which is exactly where I want you! Glad you enjoyed the interactions, and sorry for the kind of tease of Erwin (wasn't a long scene this time). Couldn't help myself. Glad to know you like their interactions so much, I do too, and I have a lot of fun writing them. I promise a nice big ol' CHUNK of Alexia/Erwin banter next time around. Thanks for reviewing, hope you enjoyed the update!

 **Sweets:** I keep getting notes like these, haha, I did MEAN it when I said only a month for my Haitus. I was true to my word, gosh darned it! I'm glad to know you're still with us, and still enjoying! The showdown will indeed be epic, but you know me, I love a slow burn, you might be waiting a while ;) Yay! So glad you liked the Alexia vs. Zeke situation. It was a lot of fun to write. Haha, trust me, I thought about writing it like that, but then... yeah, didn't feel right with all their built up trust and such. I hope you continue to enjoy, thanks so much for coming back and reviewing! See you soon.

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Ahhh stop saying you're late! Good lord! Even if you missed an update, I wouldn't be angry, yeeeesh! Comedy is always a worry for me, tone can be such a devious bastard over text, so I worry sometimes my jokes might fall flat. So yeah, it's great to know they don't with you, at least! Erwin's shenanigaaaaaans. I loved writing it so much, felt so... vivid. Well, if by 'spicing up' you mean, allowing for development from canon traits, then yeah. Spicy Meatballs incoming. I think it's plain daft when writers end up with a story as long as mine (any of mine, by this point), and they refuse to have the canon characters developed AT ALL. I know they fear the fandom reaction, but sod it, it's fanfiction, and if done properly, development of canon characters can lead to amazing situations. So yeah, I'll always remain true to fundamental characteristics, but won't feel forced to paint by numbers - hope that makes sense. Lol, I keep getting notes about when I update at the moment, 3-4 weeks, every time. Thus far I've not been late once. If I have delays, I let you guys know. Promise!

Haha yeah, smutt can be such a curse. I enjoy writing it, and I include it when I think it's relevant (like in this chapter, felt it was needed after their more 'cute' moment in the previous one). But yeah, it does annoy me when fics suddenly descend into this wanton tangled mess of writhing fuckery. Like... no. They don't SUDDENLY become sex maniacs. Yeah, chemicals will rage inside the body, but at the rate some people write it, genitalia would surely burn off, or at least get loose at the hinges. Haha! I have considered getting an editor or beta, but I'd just feel too compelled to do EVERYTHING they suggest because they had taken the time to look at my stuff. I'd be guilted into it, by my own idiocy, so really it's just gonna lead to issue. I'd also have to do a read-through myself anyway, lol, not that I'm paranoid or a perfectionist or anything... aaand not that you'd know it considering all my errors *facepalm*.

So glad you enjoyed the Alexia and Levi portrayals, I really enjoyed getting stuck into their individual mindsets over the past few chapters. Eren has always been odd for me, he seems so mature, but I also try to keep in mind he IS still only supposedly 15. It's a tricky one to fully adhere to at all times, but I'm glad you like how I do it. Can't do much about it now, eh? Yeah I totally see WHY people dislike him, but it does grate on me when they try and claim he's 'overly' emotional. Like... the boy saw his mother eaten alive etc. etc., pretty sure he's allowed to be unhinged. Marley and Me bored me, can't lie. Then again I wasn't 6 when I saw it. You do indeed make me smile, _every_ time.

I want you on edge, it's my job ;) Hanji attaches the iron rings, I believe I said that in the earlier chapter. Or did I say Jean? I changed it a couple times haha. She's just looped in, it's not so much her strength, but ability to keep her arms tight. Haha, I have to admit, that discussion part is partially why I love the predictions people make. Sometimes right, sometimes oh-so-wrong. Blushing is very different to crying! I can easily be made to blush when someone is complimenting me, I don't know what else to dooooo! This is short?! I really don't think so. I am very happy indeed, I hope you enjoyed this update as well! Speak soon my friend!

 **Amerdism (chpt19,37,43):** Thank you for the compliment, I update every 3-4 weeks, so just check out the date for the last update and count forward 3 weeks. It's usually within a couple days of that. Ah I see what you mean about descriptions for Alexia, I have always found it odd to do big descriptions of characters when in 1st person, kinda awkward, if you see what I mean. It would just be the character themselves just blurting out their own appearance, haha. She has short brown hair (normally VERY short, but its been growing out during this story the entire time), and she's juuust shorter than levi. Stocky build (strong, muscled and not exactly what you'd call 'dainty'), with a deep tan. Dark brown eyes, fair features, covered in scarring. Unfortunately a lot of your second review was kinda tricky to follow? I can only assume autocorrect was messing with the words. But really I wasn't' sure what to take from it, I'm aware of the canon lineage etc. but I'm sure you can tell by now, this is very much a canon-divergent fic. There are canon aspects, but I'm warping them to my own plans. I've also made it fairly clear, that whilst Alexia is related to the Reiss line, she isn't direct, she's like... a very watered down, bottom of the barrel version. So no, I'm afraid it isn't a case of 'she should' have any traits linked to those bloodlines. She has traits similar, yes, but I won't confirm, or deny what powers she does or does not have. For the time being, she doesn't appear to have the ability to control any titan. That's all you need to know for now. To be honest, you shouldn't really try to 'inform' someone what their own character can or cannot do. If that wasn't your intention, I apologise, but like I said, I don't really know what you meant by the review. It wasn't positive or negative, it was more of a statement about her lineage, and your assumptions about it. So... yeah, not sure what else to say, other than maybe, wait and see? And then your third review, thank you very much, I'm sincerely glad you're enjoying the story, and again, every 3-4 weeks. Hope you enjoyed the update, and I hope I managed to clear a few things up for you. Thanks very much for reviewing, hope to hear from you again.


	45. Chapter 45

**Hello, hello, hello! Hope you're all well, and if some of you are heading back to school soon, sorry! Hope it goes well ^-^**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

* * *

In the mess of the canopy, I'd never really been able to watch the snow fall. Not unless I'd been out by the woodland border specifically to watch it. I'd wanted to, many times, but the cold always kept me in the safety of the thicket. Survival won over curiosity. But here? Behind the slightly warped glass, with a lantern gently flickering next to me and warming my shoulder, I can watch it all night. It's beautiful, when it isn't slipping down the back of your collar, or creating icicles at the end of a very pink nose. It drifts down like tiny autumn leaves, settling on the window sill as though the bottom half of an hour-glass. Slowly, bit by bit, it fills. I blink slow in the ageing hours of the early morning.

Yet another midnight summoning.

Yet another emergency meeting, to discuss my capture.

Stupid Unicorns.

I'd been back a whole week and a half now.

Blondie reckoned they would be gone by the time the snow's had started, but still we heard that incessant whinnying. I think, considering I'm watching the sugar sprinkling over the compound, the snow's have officially started. I don't think even Golden Wonder can argue against that one. The bastard MPs were lingering worse than Hanji's coffee breath.

I sigh as the lantern gives an impatient pop. It was right, I shouldn't be using it, someone might see if they were doing a late night patrol. But I hate waiting in the dark. It was Levi's quarters, there was nothing to fear, I'm fully aware of how pathetic it sounded. But still, the dark unnerves me. It feels like those eyes were watching me again. Eyes hidden behind round flashing glasses. The bastard was still out there, planning away and figuring out how to tear it all down. With any luck he would simply die in the cold. With any luck, his own self-importance would drown him in his sleep.

Luck really was an illusive bastard sometimes.

At some point I guess I dozed off, because when my head comes back up off my arms, the snow's half-filled the window. Shit. Of all the times for nature to be exuberant. That could mean the MPs are here for the whole winter, right? Didn't the roads get real bad around here, or something? That was a usual grumble I heard from Levi, mumbled between issues of paperwork, Unicorn aftershave and something about crappy card games.

I swallow hard and turn off the lantern, giving up on waiting on Levi coming back. I head over to the bed and then sigh, no, that was presumptive. If the meeting got heated, if Levi let something slip, they could come barging in here. It wasn't beyond the scope. I grab my blanket and head under the desk, just in case. If I got complacent now, all the hiding and careful sneaking about would be for nothing. I huddle up and hope I don't need to crawl under the boards again, it was musky down there, and far too many things scuttled for my liking. Not that I told Levi that, he'd be scrubbing down there for days and get nowhere.

Marching feet come and go.

Conversations whisper under the door occasionally.

It was oddly lively around here, for it being so late. Then again, active duty was still in place. It would be until the snows had really set in. So whilst the movement, and noises unnerve me to no end, they also give me hope that maybe, just maybe, the MPs might still be able to leave. When was it I became so adept at hoping? That was something that had rather snuck up on me, hadn't it?

Levi had been talking about different kinds of snow. The soft kind that could easily be cleared, that wasn't an issue, that would easily be passed by. He called it "the fluffy shit". Then there was the heavier, wetter kind that sunk into itself and compacted overnight. That was a different beast altogether. That was the kind that clogged the roads and blocked the pathways. It was the type that called for well-stocked pantries. Levi titled it "the proper shit". In the woods I'd only known the type that managed to break through the canopy, and the type that had already laid on the plains for a couple days, before I ventured out there to mess around. I don't really know which they counted as. I smirk, recalling those times when I did just go out there, and play in the snow. Wasn't that uncommon. I might be a hardened, grizzly bear of a woman, at times, but I still like making snow-angels and building snowmen. Not that I ever got round to adding detail, and of course, I only had myself to pat myself on the back. But it was still nice. It felt like a slice of nostalgia, the kind that almost everyone has. You see those memories with a golden glow, like it was always halfway through the afternoon somehow. It was pleasant, it was content, it was home. When I lived with my parents, I made the nose and eyes from bottle caps, and whilst it might sound eye-rollingly depressing now, it made me smile then. And to be honest, still makes me smirk now too.

Boots thump along the corridor.

They pause.

I glance that way, unable to see anything due to the desk front, but able to feel a lingering presence. They'd pass by, they'd be checking notes or an order form, or something. Go on. Keep walking, nothing to see here, no hiding fugitive huddled under a desk.

A key turns in the lock.

Is that actually Levi, or had a pesky rat got hold of a copy again?

A couple weeks ago, an MP had somehow gotten hold of a copy to Levi's key, and I'd been forced to quickly haul myself up underneath the bed. I held myself up underneath it, and evaded their eyes only just. Good thing my tits aren't too big, eh? But tonight that might be more difficult, there was noise out there, but not enough to allow me to shift these floorboards without notice. As the lock grinds away, I start to pull back the planks, hoping to slip under before lantern light flooded the space and I was found out.

Running in snow was a bastard, no matter if it was fluffy or proper.

"Just me." Levi's voice rumbles, once the damn door had creaked open.

I sigh and let the planks go back down again, leaning my head back against the desk for a second to compose myself. It's fine, not like my heart just made the hundred yard dash to my ass or anything. I scramble out and peer over the desk with narrowed eyes. He locks the door behind him and sets his lantern on the side-table.

He looks tired.

"Didn't think you'd still be awake, brat."

"Couldn't sleep." I answer, and he nods, heading over to the bed and sitting down heavily. "How'd it go? Figure out how to catch the wench, yet?" I tilt my head.

"Not so far, she's' a pesky bitch. No idea where she's been hiding." He winks and tugs off his belts and such. He then sighs, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. "Erwin's doing his best to persuade them to leave. He's hoping they'll go at dawn... I dunno if he's making progress though."

"Why would they want to linger, though?" I head over and sit beside him, hugging my knees to my chest. "Don't they know there's no more missions till spring?"

"They're insisting on another, for some reason they don't understand the idea of 'the horses won't fucking make it that far, you ass-hats.' But according to Shitty-Glasses, I might have been a bit heavy handed in my rebuttal." He shrugged and I lean my head against his shoulder, his head soon rests atop mine.

"If anyone's gonna persuade them, it's Golden Boy."

"You seem to have a lot of faith in him these days." He murmured before shifting to strip himself down for bed. I get under the covers and then lie against his chest once he's settled. "Hopefully this was the last day you have to be hauled up in here, you must be getting a bit frustrated."

"I can handle it."

"I am sorry about the wait." He breathes, hand stroking my hair a few times. I think it soothes him even more than it does me.

I kiss over his heart. "Not your doing, Captain. Now shut it, and go to sleep."

"Cranky." He muttered, but I hear his breathing even out and I know he's doing as told. I nuzzle in and do the same, mildly wondering what the dawn would bring.

Full-on snowed in with MP bastards, or an HQ recently purged of hoity-toity MP annoyance.

Guess the world would flip a coin.

* * *

By the time morning comes, the snow's sticking to the window right to the top, but I think that might be more to do with wind direction than volume. There's been no word on the situation, so Levi's gonna find out what he can. I've also been promised, he won't actually start throwing them into a wagon himself. It wouldn't be very subtle. I sip my coffee and watch him leave, hoping once again, that today might be the day that I can walk out that door and enjoy the moment of reveal. For the most part, it seemed that everyone in the regiment had woken to the fact that no, I wasn't the enemy here, there was a bigger issue going on. As far as people go, these Scouts are clever cookies.

It was a blessing that I'd already been able to have small reunions with the likes of Eren and Hanji, they'd come to see me as soon as they could. Hanji was excited to have me back, to learn all she could about Zeke and his beastly ways. Whilst Eren, was just excited on the prospect of apologising to me enough that I want to fucking strangle him. There was being apologetic, and then there was Eren Jeager. Fuck me, the kid had some major guilt issues bubbling away. Though I had to admit, when the Shewolf came in to see me, I was a little taken aback. She hated me, didn't she? But nah, the woman walked in, nodded to me and then shook my hand. She was actually glad to have me back. Guess the MPs were good for one thing at least, eh? Showed everyone that I wasn't so bad an option. Armin was the last to arrive, but considering the bruising under the kid's eyes, I can only guess he'd been bent over the books this whole time. Seemed like the MPs were more than happy to outsource reading as well. Lazy ass-cheeks that they were.

As mid-morning approaches, I've pretty much written this day off. But then I hear it. Footsteps rush along the corridor and I slowly rise from the table. Friendly? Unfriendly? Very fucking-unfriendly? I look around and make for the desk, but the door is thrown open before I get there. I spin round in a defensive position. But it wasn't needed. Levi stands there, looking about as elated as I'd ever seen him. So basically his eyebrows were slightly raised. After a couple of seconds, and a wary glance at the very-bloody-open doorway, I tilt my head.

"Levi? Um... the door?"

"They're gone."

I stare at him.

He stares at me.

Holy shitting Wallists.

Levi continues. "The bastards have finally left. You're in the clear, you can go about the HQ as you damn well please. Smith's making an announcement once the shit-heads are seen leaving the gate. But they're already halfway down the track. Turns out, not that they bothered to tell me, but it turns out, Shitty-glasses and Kirtschtein have been making inquiries round the whole place." He strides over, the door creaking closed before he kisses me hard and shakes my shoulders. I'm just kind of rag-dolling. "They all believe in you. I dunno how they figured it out, but they're on your side. All those brats know you're not the enemy. For once, people haven't been bastards."

The look in those grey eyes, I swear, its probably the biggest gift of all.

That huge thundercloud has finally lifted, and it feels like I can breathe again.

I grin broadly and pull him into another kiss, running my hands through his hair, and feeling that weight slip from my shoulders. I was free. I was actually free! Within these walls, of course, I could hardly walk into the towns or anything. But why the hell would I want to? This was my home, these were my people, this was my family.

"No more hiding," I breathe, my forehead against his and his hands resting on my waist. "I can wander around, eat downstairs and t-train amongst everyone else?" I sniff, some tears already trickling down my face, before I laugh breathlessly and shake my head. I dunno why I'm crying, but I can't avoid it right now. My human's spilling all over the place for the time being.

Levi nods, wiping the tears away and smirking when I open my eyes again. "Damn right, Senefold. You're part of the Scouts again, you'll be pulling your weight like the rest of us."

"Glad to, sir."

"Of course, if the MP's should drop by, you'll have to stay out of sight, but considering how that snow is already piling up out there? I'd say it was pretty unlikely."

I grin and nod. "Of course, sir. I'll be every bit the obedient soldier I ever was. Wouldn't wanna have to go do laps in this mad weather, huh?"

"You'd take all day about it, brat." He mutters, and when he offers me his arm, I gladly take it.

The time had come for me to be reintroduced to the Scouts.

Time for my real life to start up again.

The corridors look so different in the daylight, and as fresh face after fresh face stop to look at me, I feel myself shake a bit. After being hidden for so long, I'm suddenly exposed. I glance down but it's fine, I'm not naked or anything, I did remember to get dressed. I can do this. These people knew me. They were my allies. I wouldn't let the world be blurred any more; not by Meghan, not by Zeke, not by anything.

Levi heads for the mess-hall, and when we get down there, most of the regiment is already gathered. Golden Boy worked fast as always. I swallow hard and nod to a couple lingering gazes, but eventually they all linger. They stare as the hub of conversation bubbles down to nothing but the occasional clearing of a throat. Perhaps there had been rumours. Perhaps there had been no word at all on my situation.

I give a meek wave.

A couple chuckles ring around the room.

Well, it was better than booing, that was for sure.

The Browlord takes a stance at the head of the room, and Levi encourages me to go stand beside him. It's not that I suddenly need Levi to hold me up, but it takes a couple seconds to let go of him anyway. Why is it, I feel so much more nervous being reintroduced, than I did being first introduced all those long months ago? Another enigma of my mad mind, I guess.

I stumble up there, and stand next to the looming figure.

He then looks to his recruits and holds his arms out. "Thank you all for coming, for those of you just coming in, please just file in the back and listen well. To anyone out on duties and such, please let them know everything. I want full disclosure, there are to be no secrets amongst this regiment, when it comes to this matter." He then glances at me and smirks. "Your eyes do not deceive you, it is in fact Alexia Senefold to my right. She has indeed returned to us, and is a welcomed ally. From what I hear, you already know this, and I have to tell you all right now, I am proud to know my Cadets knew lies when they heard them. But just in case, there are still those of you, doubting what happened. Do not allow the lies of the MP's or royals to muddle your opinion. Alexia Senefold has always been our ally, and as far as I'm aware, she always will be. Please, know this and believe it. Alexia has come back to us, to continue to help the fight."

Silence rings back.

I look over those faces, it feeling like each gaze might swallow me whole.

My eyes landed on Levi for a moment; he's calm as ever, leaning against the wall, arms folded and slight smirk in place. Was that pride in his expression? I can't tell, but I'm glad to see that small nod. He was right there. I wasn't alone. They weren't gonna bite.

I don't think.

One person to the right hand-side starts to clap, and gradually it melts through the whole room. I think I preferred the silence. A couple cheers echo up into the air too. I want the ground to swallow me up. I dunno what I had been expecting, but a room cheering me on, wasn't it. I give another awkward wave, and then tilt my head at a raised hand lingering in the air. Questions needed answers. I nudge Erwin and nod to the hand, he holds his arms up and gestures to them.

"Is that a question?"

"Yes, sir." Pipes up someone too short to be seen.

Gradually, she's helped to scuttle forward. I don't recognise her, but then again, I did try to reduce them all to walking laundry. Erwin gives an encouraging look to his recruit.

The girl's hands wring together. "I... W-well a few of us, are a little confused about something. May I?"

"Go ahead, I have no secrets." I say with a shrug and small smile.

The girl nods again, her knuckles turning white. "Why did you have to murder that woman?"

"Oh... um..." I swallow hard, throat suddenly a bit parched.

The girl continues. "If you're not an enemy, why bring that to our door?" She asks, and to be honest, the rest of the room looks rather too interested, to have not been thinking the same thing. What was with all the cheering then? Make up your damned minds. I glance at Erwin, who looks rather irritated, but I have to wonder if that's more to do with the fact it's my secret and not his. He can't cover for me. I put my hand on his arm and smile softly.

I look to the girl and dip my head again. "I killed Meghan because she was planning on using any means necessary to ruin this place. She was planning on framing Erwin, likely having him killed even. To save the Commander, myself, and this place from her bullshit, I killed her. It..." I scratch the back of my head. "It was impulsive and stupid in the long-run, but at the time I saw no other way. No other way without too much risk to the rest of you, anyway. I never meant to bring anything to anyone's door, I promise."

The girl blinks and then looks amongst her comrades, they all look pretty convinced thankfully, and then she breaks into a smile.

I swallow. "Good answer?"

"It was what we reckoned anyway, but I guess you can understand us being wary."

"Yeah, I get that."

"Welcome back Miss Senefold. You've been missed." She nodded and then headed back to her friends.

I look to Erwin again. Whilst I like to know I'm welcome, I really need to dodge this spotlight. It's starting to give me sunburn. "Don't suppose anyone's going out on patrol soon? Wouldn't mind getting back into a normal routine, y'know?"

"I believe Artlet is, with Kirtschstein yes." He smirks and nods to the back door. "Fell free to join them, I'm sure they won't mind."

"Pretty sure you're meant to ask my permission for that, brat." Levi pipes up, getting a couple nervous looks from the other cadets, as the crowd disperses.

I raise a brow at him. "May I go on Patrol, sir?"

"Of course, just don't fuck it up." He then heads off back to his office, without another word.

A couple hands give waves from the back door, and I sigh. A surge of familiarity washes over me. I head into the crowd, and as they mull about, doing their own thing and conversing over what had happened, I get the occasional nod, and even some hand shakes. It was like I was a returning hero, when really I think I was more of a bad penny.

A rusty penny.

The kind you can't even use to buy shit with anymore.

But still, when I get out there into the sunshine, with Jean and Armin waiting for me, I feel it. There's no need to hide, the MP's are gone, and for a while, I'm just going to damn well enjoy it.

At this point, a patrol is more for allowing the horses to stretch their legs. Way out here, nothing much was going to happen with winter having arrived. It was peaceful, pleasant, and still warm enough to linger a little along the trail. I hadn't felt it in a while, but quite frankly, this is bliss. The trees here aren't as big as the ones I'm used to of course, but even so, they reach high into the air and snow occasionally dusts off the branches whilst the wind whistles through. Sometimes I love snow. Sometimes I hate it. When food storage ran low, and I was forced to head into the city to steal yet again, I hated it. It would become cold, unyielding, cruel and merciless. An open field blanketed in the white blankness would terrify me, making me look back on my footprints and wonder how easily they would be swept away and forgotten. Hearing a gale approach would make my bones quiver, and no amount of blankets seemed to be enough to fend off the chill. But then there were the days with blue skies, a full cupboard and easily lit fire. On those days, the snow reflected the light like the cleanest mirror. It made the world look clean, untouched and ready for the taking. That same open field would look like unclaimed parchment, just waiting for my signature to be scrawled over it. Context. Context was key.

Right now; sat atop a healthy horse, accompanied by a couple good fellows on a quiet trail not far from warm food, comfortable bedding and consistent fireplaces, I am about as content with snow as I ever have been. It really is the fluffy shit. It's forgiving as it crunches under our steed's hooves. The sun peeks through the wispy clouds, and the shadows grow long between the trees. They criss-cross over the trail, making my eyes dance over and follow them all the way till they've smudged, with the sun disappearing once again.

Damn this place was beautiful.

"Did you ever get stuck somewhere with the snows, Senefold?" Armin asks, his horse affectionately nuzzling mine for a moment.

I smile softly and nod. "A couple times yeah, are you ever gonna call me Alexia?"

"Sorry, I keep forgetting." He blushes into his scarf.

"It's all right. As for getting stuck, it happened a couple times, more dangerous when out on the plains though, with no cover it can quickly become lethal. Those times, I just walked on and hoped for the best. It was hard, but I knew I just had to keep forcing one foot in front of the other, that or simply give into the numbness."

"I reckon you're pretty crap at giving into that kind of deal." Jean murmurs, a smirk on his lips when I glance his way.

"Glad to know I've made such a positive impression."

He snorts. "Gotta admit, Alexia, I thought you were a loose canon waiting to blow us all to hell... But you're not. You're just one of us." He nods to himself, and when looking my way, I'm glad to see that smirk turn into a real smile.

Before I respond, I pause for a moment and watch how his eyes study me. "You never did forgive me for what I said about Marco, did you?" I ask, and the man's eyes go wide for a moment before he looks ahead again, and clears his throat.

"I um... I didn't think you'd even remember."

"I know I come off as a cold-hearted wench, but really I do care about them all. Lives lost are a hell of a thing. But... Well I stand by what I said. Especially since learning more about the guy."

Jean looks my way, almost with suspicion. "You learned about him?"

"Here and there, yeah. It was a name that carried a lot of weight, so I casually asked a couple people from your class. He was beloved. That's the worst kind to lose, the kind that can feel the most unfair. So yeah... Once I knew how important he was, I didn't wanna forget how it hit you." I shrug and pat my horse's neck as we amble along.

There's a few moments of quiet, before I hear him clear his throat again.

"Why would you care about, why it hit me? I ain't saying you're callous, but I'm not the Captain, Commander or Eren. I'm not important, so why bother-"

"Jean, you're probably the most normal guy here." I interrupt, and as expected, the man looks confused. I can hear Armin's confusion easily too, whirring away like a spindle. "I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it stood out to me, that's all." I try to explain, but our horses grind to a halt and he watches me.

The suspicion is gone, now it's just searching.

"I stood out... Because I don't stand out?" He translates, and whilst it makes me laugh, I nod. His frown deepens, but not in anger.

"It stood out, that you were here." I clarify, and he looks ahead, the horses slowly walking on. "You're a normal guy just wanting to make a difference. It's admirable."

"It's not that big of a deal." He shrugs and I see his jaw flex, I glance at Armin, wondering if I'm somehow hitting a nerve wrong.

"It's called a compliment, Jean, try and take it. I don't think Alexia's all that pracrised at giving them, y'know?" The bookworm chuckles and we share a grin.

Jean shakes his head. "Empty praise is just that, empty."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Look... The Captain is a living legend, Golden Boy is a headache of a mind-fuck genius, obsessive. Hanji's a madly brilliant scientist, and Armin here is a bookworm genius Browlord-To-Be. Eren's a rage machine far too like myself for comfort, and he has his counterpart the manic, though scarily talented, Shewolf, who is amazingly enough warming to me. Christa turned out to be Historia, the next Queen or whatever. And frankly lets not bother mentioning the two that fucked off and turned out to be our mortal enemies. A lot of the other faces around here have remained anonymous to me. But your class, your group, those were the ones my head zoned in on."

He's watching .

I think he's listening.

"I won't pretend to remember the names of anyone else. But then there was you. Good guy, decent grades, great talent, and a chip on his shoulder the size of a Titan's skull. And why were you annoyed at me? For simply pointing out that your dear dead friend, would have been glad that you hadn't joined him. Amongst all that weirdness, and amongst all that astounding characters, you were so normal to me, and alongside that, the most important. You're not on some big mission, you're not dreaming of what's beyond the horizon, or hell-bent on protecting the few people you still have in your life. Nah. You're a guy who came along for the ride, you're a guy making the best of it, you're a guy who decided not to sit on the sidelines, and I think at the start regretted it. When I first headed out onto the plains, that's all I was really... when it came down to it, I was a nobody, trying to make the best of it."

I can feel them both watching me.

I just shrug, not knowing how else to put it, and not really knowing where the outburst had come from.

"I was so vile to you." He looks down in shame, and I shake my head.

"No, you weren't. You were in pain, and it sounded like I was making light of your loss. Hell, if the shoe had been on the other foot, if someone had made light of Petra dying? I'd have strung them up, rather than give them a firm talking to."

He winces and his cheeks grow red. "Alexia... I acted like you weren't human."

"I wasn't." I admit, and he blinks. The guy was cynical, jaded, and the first to call bullshit in most situations. Yet there he sat, looking at me like he had wounded me. What an indecisive twit. "Human lives had become tally marks to me, Jean. Hell... if I had to pinpoint when it was, that my thick skull decided to start to change that outlook? It was probably you." I shrug again and watch that redness, pale to a pink, but remain.

"So really... You're thanking me for yelling at you? And praising me for being painfully normal?" He seems unsure, but that smirk appears again and I let the laugh bubble out of me.

"Yeah, I guess so. Don't get used it, and don't make a habit out of it, either." I wink, and we all chuckle together.

"Seems like we've all done a fair bit of changing, one way or the other." Armin says, a slightly far off look in those eyes. I know that mind works like the Golden Wonder, I'd seen how it ticked over situations like a tightly wound clock. I dunno how he's really seeing this situation, but in that moment, I like to think he's just reminiscing with the rest of us.

We round another corner and continue on our way, general chit-chat breaking out and burbling between us. Normal. So very normal, it warmed me to my gut. At one time I had fought with myself to stop seeing them as people. I had been a damned coward to even consider it. These guys, these cadets, they were the building blocks to it all. I shake my head at myself, all that time locked up and hidden away, it had really opened the windows in my head hadn't it?

Turns out, I don't think I can hide my human any more.

Even if I wanted to.

* * *

Glasses flash against firelight and laughter crackles amongst the flames. It everywhere. The wood creaks and falls into ash, throwing embers to the air like blood from a wound. They drift, landing over me, stinging my skin. I can't move. I'm not allowed to me. I'm not able to flee. Why? Why the hell can't I just leave? I wriggle, but all I manage are these feeble whimpers, that only seem to egg on his damned laughter. No. Stop it. I'm not here to be ridiculed by you, this was my home, dammit! Get away from me. No. Don't come any closer. Those glasses flash again, and he approaches, looming over me. A cold strip lands against my nape and I shudder. A painted smile swims into view, that harsh laugh melting into one made of rich red wine. The blade is in my own hand, and yet I can do nothing about it. It moves against me. My eyes start to blear. Not like this. Don't let things end like this, like some stupid puppet upon their string.

Please!

I wake.

I stare up at the ceiling and wait for my breathing to calm down.

My hands are clenched so tight, I know there'll be little bruises forming under my nails. I'm in HQ. I'm nowhere near Zeke, his plans, or his damned control. Meghan was dead. Meghan was worm food. I was fine. There's no fire, but the one in the grate over there. It crackles softly, and the gentle warmth wafts over me. Nothing to be scared of. In fact, it was lovely.

I was fine.

I peer back over to Levi and find him still asleep, thankfully. Man rarely slept as it was, so I'd hate to have woken him with a damned nightmare. Talk about pathetic. How old am I? I let my eyes adjust and watch him sleep, feeling rather like a creeper, but not having the heart to stop either. He's sleeping on his front tonight, must be feeling more comfortable with things, now that the MP's had left. Whilst they were here, he lay there bolt straight on his back, ready to pounce at any second. Now? Now it was like he was a kid, arms under the pillow, hair across his face, and every so often there's a quirk of his brow, or even his lips. So open, and unguarded. I lean in and kiss his head gently, a small mumble escaping him before I lay back and stay still. Yeah, he was still under. He was still dreaming, and for once I could hope it was pleasant.

I sit up and smooth my hair back. I'm awake now, there's little to no point in trying to sleep again after that mess. I'd just close my eyes and see it again, so what was the point? I look outside and see that it's still faintly snowing, but the clouds have mainly cleared. A nice night really. I slip out of bed, tug on Levi's winter coat and boots. The corridors are black and silent, but considering my normal light source is a canopy filtered moon anyway, I'm fine. I head down to the compound and am glad to find the main door creak-free. No need to scare the cadets with a ghostie.

It's so quiet here. But a different kind of quiet to the wilderness. There, a kind of thrum always existed, a kind of buzz of nature. Critters scuttled around, leaves chattered away, and of course occasionally a Titan would snore. Here though? Here it was so calm, so pleasantly quiet in the knowledge that the day's work was done, and the gear had all been packed away. At most, I can hear the far off muffled mewls of a newly happy cadet, finding out that maybe little Johnny wasn't lying when he said he liked to kiss girls down there.

I meander a little, wandering along the HQ walls until I see a wisp of smoke coming from the next corner. It wasn't enough to be an actual fire, and it isn't inconsistent enough to be a trick of the light. I tilt my head and smirk. Who had I caught with a cigarette hanging out their mouth? I approach, running names and faces through my head, but really I don't think I'd ever seen anyone with one. The only ones that spring to mind are Levi, Blondie, Jean and maybe Hanji. Levi was still dreaming about teacups, and Hanji would likely never risk it because she was so flammable. Jean was a possibility, but Blondie? Nah, he was far too uptight to be stood out here smoking in the middle of the night. Would be far too-

Well.

Well there you have it.

I'll just shut the fuck up.

I lean against the stonework. None other but the Glorious Brow-King himself stood casually smoking away. In the moon's light, in his rather finely made robe, demure slippers and partially used up cigarette, he looked about as relaxed as I'd ever witnessed. It was when I took into account the sleeplessness tussled hair, the stubble on his chin, and casual posture back against the wall, that I realised he looked utterly human. Now that, was plain surreal.

"You planning on joining me, or simply ogling?" He murmured, raising a brow, but not taking that keen gaze off the moon for a second. I chuckle, should have guessed he had seen me.

"I'm simply observing a strange species, in an unnatural habitat." I head over and see that smirk pull on his lips. Yeah, he fucking missed me. He offers me the cigarette and I nod, taking a small draw and handing it back. It was never a habit I'd kept going, not exactly sustainable when in the wilds. But I can't deny, that it hit the spot just then. I lean against the wall beside him, my shoulder just above his elbow. Tall bastard. Or rather... where his elbow used to be.

"I enjoy being out here to think, to view things without a meeting scheduled or conversation going on beyond my door." He murmurs softly. "I guess in a way, I like to think this must be what it's like beyond the walls... funnily enough I'd never thought to ask for your take on it." He says, and in all honesty I can't be sure he was originally talking to me. But when I look his way, his questioning expression heightens and he takes another draw. The end of the cigarette glows.

"When I came out here, I was thinking the same thing. On how this differs to out there, I mean." I shrug. "It's a similar thing, but I assure you that this is much more pleasant."

"Is that for always? Or your more recently crowded visit?" He hums, offering another draw.

I take it and hope he didn't see how my hand shook. "I can't really remember any more. I can't remember what it was like before that shithead turned up. Is that, bad?"

"I wouldn't say bad, perhaps a little unsettling, maybe even sad. To think that the hateful man has tainted your home... that's a sorry thing indeed."

"I don't really think of it as home any more." I clarify, handing back the cigarette and looking up at the skirting clouds.

He doesn't respond, but I can feel him watching me. He hates that idea, doesn't he? Typical. The man spent so long wanting to drag me in here, to claim my home away from me, and now he was about to lament that being done by someone else. You're an odd one Golden Boy, no one can ever deny that.

"I'm so sorry, to hear that. Perhaps you could plan on building a new place?" He offers, but despite his usually brilliant poker-face, I know that tone. That was hope I just heard, you little menace. I smile though, he hadn't actually said it, so that certainly had to count as personal growth. He clears his throat. "Sorry, have you already done so? I feel like I'm out on the joke, here."

"I'm not laughing at you, Golden Boy. I'm smiling, because if you had told me, way back when, sat behind those bars as you and Levi tried to intimidate me, that you'd be genuinely concerned about my thinking of somewhere to call home... I'd have told you where to stick those manic drugs you must be taking."

"After trying to steal some, maybe..." He snorts and I laugh.

"I'm just saying, Erwin, thank you. And thank you for not presuming to demand this be my home instead." I add, looking to him, and noting how his cheeks had pinked. I don't think that was from the cold either.

It was a different thing, I hope you can understand, between him asking for this to be my home, and Levi. With me and Levi, we had already talked about the idea of home, many times. It was a connection between us already. But with Erwin, for all the distance our relationship had travelled since those first days, it had not yet reached that point.

So really, I'm being very womanly about this, and essentially it's a double-standard.

"I'd like to think I'd have never demanded that of you, but really... I know I would have, just as well as you know too." He sighs, and I hear the swirl of a drink. The man had had a lot on his mind, hadn't he? I hold my hand out and grin when the cold glass hits my palm.

I take a long sip and sigh. That was the good stuff. "Oh dear, the Commander is becoming self-aware. I think that might be more danger than it's worth."

He nudges me.

I nudge him back. "I'm joking, Stumples. But really, you have nothing to demand. I do consider this my home actually. I dunno how long I've thought like that, but as soon as I realised that wagon had pulled into the compound? I felt whole again. One way or another, this is my home now, so very sorry indeed, but you're stuck with me."

"I sincerely consider it an honour." He nods and I hand the glass back over. I push on the empty material of his vacant sleeve. He shrugs. "I've grown used to it, now. In your absence I was able to find that elusive centre-of-gravity everyone kept banging on about."

"Amazing how much a lost limb can throw you off." I hum, licking the liquor off my lips.

He's watching me again. "Did... Did they ever make you walk around when they-"

"They made me dance a fucking jig, if they felt like it." I purse my lips now, keeping my eyes open on that big bright orb in the sky. Fuck the darkness. Fuck the memories. I'd fought well, and now I was home again. That was what was important, dammit.

"Eventually... Somehow... We're going to make them pay for it all, Alexia. I swear." He says, and I turn to him properly, smiling as those big bright eyes burn with that typical intensity. The man wasn't good at small-talk, and I sincerely doubted he ever would be. I reach up and put my palm against his cheek, it's kinda cold. I run my thumb along that ridiculous cheekbone and then slap playfully.

"I believe you. I'm also gonna hold you to that, Browlord."

He smirks and shakes his head. "Where would you be, if my injuries had included these eyebrows being burnt off by Titan steam?" He actually waggles them for effect.

Self-aware, and now a sense of humour? Fucking hell, the man was becoming... a man!

I click my tongue. "Then there wouldn't be a single inch of the plains left for the dynamic duo to be hiding in. I'd have torn it all to shreds for them glorious carpets above your baby-blues."

"My god... If only I had realised that was the root of all your determination earlier... We could have retaken Maria in a couple of days."

I throw my head back and laugh, ignoring his childish shushing. "Don't you fucking dare think about it, Golden Boy! I won't be motivated if I find out you simply took a damn razor to them yourself."

He wipes a tear from his eye as his laughter dies back a bit too. "No? Not even a small rampage on behalf of the fallen fibres?"

"Not even a yelp of surprise, you cunning fox." I snort and we both chuckle away for a couple of minutes. Eventually we're quiet again, and I feel a fresh warmth wash over me.

I really was miles away from those puppet strings.

It felt good.

"I suppose this really isn't the healthiest form of relaxation..." he hums as the cigarette begins to reduce down to little more than stub. "I've never really minded the habit, but it can't be good for you. Ingesting smoke doesn't seem all that natural."

I shake my head when he offers me the last draw. "Well, that and the fact my father used to do it."

"What do you mean?"

"That man never did a damn thing that was good for him." I chuckle and shrug, Erwin's eyes fixed on me in the darkness. "He didn't smoke often, but the smell still reminds me of him. A lot actually. Maybe because the only time I ever got sense out of him was when he was smoking outside. Usually during the summer months, humming a little tune to himself whilst he puffed into the night."

"My father smoked a pipe." Erwin watches the smoke twist up from those dying embers. "It didn't matter what he was saying, if that pipe was in his mouth, or in his hand, he sounded too wise to be ignored."

"Could be why he used it." I simper, and he mirrors it.

"Indeed. I can only ever remember him in the light of a child, for all I know, he was as daft an old fool as I am." He sighs, flicking the dead stub away and draining the glass.

I nudge him again. "At least then, you'd know it ran in the family?"

"A heritage of fools. Now isn't that the truest one you ever heard?" He chuckles again and stands away from the wall. "Well, I for one, feel like my head has had a damned good clear-out. Thank you for the company."

"Thank you for the drink and smoke. An unexpected treat." I stand properly as well.

"I'm going to attempt some sleep before dawn." Erwin offered his arm. "May I escort the lady back to her room?"

I take the good arm he offered. My mind feels like the waters have finally fallen silent and smooth. Not a ripple or ember in sight. We walk inside, and then head up the stairs. Silence continues to rule, and the night wears on. Levi's room is before the Commander's of course, and as that door comes within reach, he releases me and then nods his head.

"Sleep well, Alexia."

"I'm serious, Erwin, don't shave your eyebrows." I narrow my eyes and he snorts with a shake of his head, pausing and then taking my hand to raise to his lips. Damn. Suave bastard.

"I assure you, I would not dare remove my one consistently pleasing aspect." He kisses the back of my hand a second time then lets my hand go, dipping his head and carrying on, a soft whistle on his lips as he goes. You know, for a moment, you could have easily forgotten that the world sat upon his broad shoulders.

In the mess of the canopy, I'd never really been able to watch the snow fall. But here? Behind the slightly warped glass, or stood in the compound with a cigarette between my lips, I could watch it all night. It's beautiful, even when landing on my slightly pinked nose. Slowly, bit by bit, I watch the window sill once again filling up.

I blink slow in the ageing hours of the early morning.

I finally fall back asleep.

* * *

 **So there we are, a bit more of a fluffy chapter I realise, but I think after all that action we needed it right? Bit of healing and all that. Hope you enjoyed! See you in 3-4 weeks. Please leave a fav, follow and review, I love to hear from you all, and love interacting with my readers!**

 **On that note, SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Thanks for the review, to be fair you covered the bases, haha! I was really looking forward to the scene between Alexia and Erwin, and was glad with how it turned out, so I'm thrilled you liked it as well! I see what you mean about my stories, and to be honest, when people binge them I do get notes like that. However, I also hope that my regularity on updating soon calms them down, haha. I get a small thrill when someone follows etc. like the day before I update, because I KNOW they're gonna be psyched about it. Development is key, in all things! Their human was showing a lot, haha. I knew I had to put it in there for that moment, but I also hope it didn't just come across as horndog-ishness. I wanted them to have an intimate reunion as well. Yeah, some authors seem to think 'Ok, they've done it now, therefore they can't breathe without having had their genitals whacking off each other at least once a day'. Naaaah, its just boring, there's only so many ways to write the boneage. Your reaction to my Beta issue - haha, sorry, it's just how my brain works. I also don't wanna demand that they don't suggest anything, would feel mean. My boyfriend has a full-time job, plus he already is too good to me, not to mention he doesn't read all that quick ;) and he ain't caught up I don't think. He's like 10 chapters behind still, haha! But thanks for the suggestion all the same. Thanks so much for highlighting that you have physical reactions too, that's SERIOUS praise right there, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed the update, I hope this fluffier one was all right for you too ^-^ speak soon my friend, and thanks again for being such an awesome reviewer!

 **Moonlover765:** I will update this until it's finished, lol, have no fear. Glad to have made your day! That's serious praise, so thank you, it means a lot. Thrilled that you liked the chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked this chapter as well! Speak soon!

 **WhatName:** Hey you, my most verbal reader! You've been so wonderful for reviewing across the board, like really, thank you so much. It means the absolute world. And I'm sooo glad you liked the other stories as well! Do you have a favourite by this point? Totally okay to say so, by the way, lots of people do! A lot of people tend to move towards Alexia and Levi over Robyn and Levi. Poor Robyn, haha. Maybe it is the extra struggle, and the fact they started off hating each other... mm... interesting. Whoaaaa that praise though, I'm so glad to have impressed you that much, and to have let you enjoy a story that much. Like wow, thank you for saying that, really, made my month! Thank you so very much for reviewing, I really hope you liked this update as well, can't wait to know what you think! Speak soon!

 **AzuraOfGlass:** I am so very sorry to have fucked you up, but I am also kinda thrilled that I did. Welcome aboard! Hope you enjoyed the update, it was a bit fluffier than most I suppose. Thanks for reviewing, hope you're still around!

 **RimK10 (chpt2):** I enjoyed going back to look over what you were referring to! I liked writing the verbal battle as well, though if you've made it this far, I have to wonder what you think about how far Alexia and Erwin have come? Thanks for chiming in, I hope you make it this far and eventually find my response to your review! Since writing this response though, you've reviewed chapters 17 and 18 as well! Thank you so much for chiming in with your reactions and such, it was great to see how you're enjoying the story as it progresses. I sincerely hope you find this response when you reach this point!

 **cozyware (chpt 41):** Whoa, that's a big review. Thank you so very much for taking the time! Kudos on reading it in a couple days though, it's one hell of a long one, haha! Really, don't apologise for not reviewing as you go, its very uncommon that people do, and you've been kind enough to chime in now. Of course, I would love to know your thoughts on the earlier content, but this is marvellous too! Ah, an AO3 reader! Hello, glad you found me on here as well. I was sorry to have to stop uploading on there, but the response was just... *cricket noises* so I'm afraid I just had to stop and continue on here. The community is a lot more active, in my experience. The story will keep going until it finishes, and I will warn you now, I do have a finale in mind and planned etc. so it isn't just going to keep going. Levi is very easy to put into dark romance situations, hells yes, but wow your praise blew me away. I'm so glad to have caught your eye like this! Having worked on it for so long, and so hard, it's awesome to know that someone as widely read as yourself still finds it impressive. Really, thank you so very much for that! So glad you like their relationship, it was A LOT of fun to write and develop. And again thank you, I'm glad you've enjoyed the plot as well! I am an evil author, it has been said many, many times, haha. I hope you've made it this far, you were about... 3 chapters behind I think? Hope you're still enjoying it! Yay, you like my Levi portrayal, that's always a big thing for me, so thanks for highlighting that one. And then, if all that wasn't enough, then you said you like Alexia. But not only that, I persuaded you to! YAS. Seriously, thank you so much for highlighting that! And indeed, she is a slightly warmer asshole, haha! You've gone and like made my year with this praise, seriously, thank you soooo much, it means A HELL OF A LOT to know that my OC can have such an effect! I will never abandon this, or my other stories, I promise. I have 2 others, so I guess feel free to have a look, but I dunno if they'll match up... lol I genuinely can't say. But really, thank you so very much for reviewing, it was amazing to see and wonderful to read, you're so very kind for the praise, and for taking the time to say it! I really hope you continued to like the story and also liked this update too! Speak soon, I hope!


	46. Chapter 46

**Hello! By the skin of my teeth, eh? A full month this time, sorry guys, but not technically late so.. yay? Haha, anyway hope you're all good, here's the next instalment!**

 **Note: We are now entering the last 'arc' of this story, and then it'll be ending. Just wanted you all to know. Dunno how many more chapters that amounts to, but a good few at least, I'm sure.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT, but I do own Alexia.**

* * *

With the snows, came a sense of calm. Titans weren't known for their dance moves during the cold months, and the horses proved pretty useless once it got deep enough. Poor buggers toes would fall off, if they had any. So whilst the MP's and Garrison had to continue pretending to do their pointless jobs, we finally get some time off. The world finally gained some balance. It was amazing, the change in tone, once duties whittled down to simple cleaning duties, and the occasional foot patrol. I could almost forget it was a military HQ. The air was light, breezy, casual. I'll admit, at first, it took me off guard. I was rather confused at the regular sight of civilian clothing, and the more often than not, sound of laughter. Beyond that, I was flabbergasted at the fact it didn't seem to bother my Captain. Fair enough, he spent a lot of time still in his office, but even he was a little more relaxed. He brewed tea in the morning, and lounged on his sofa as he went through papers by the afternoon. He did his paperwork leisurely, and shrugged a jumper on when the fire failed to bite back the chill.

It was surreal.

He wasn't showing his human, he was fucking flaunting it!

Considering everyone else was rocking about in civilian clothing, I felt a bit of a dumb-ass in my uniform. So, I ended up raiding some of Hanji's clothing, considering I wasn't exactly able to go shopping, and basically we're the same size. Though I won't deny the irritation upon seeing the amused looks from Erens table, as I carefully hem a couple pairs of trousers. Fucking Titan-sized brats. Oh gods. I'm sounding like Levi now. Yeesh. That's not where I saw that going.

"How're you doing, Alexia?" Historia asks quietly, sitting down beside me in the cosy mess-hall. I had jumped a little, but manage to avoid swearing as the needle kisses my fingertip again. Clingy bastard was intent on my nerve-endings. She holds a cup of steaming tea between her hands that she cradles close.

I nod to her and save my place on the current leg. "Not too shabby, thanks. Settling into this weirdly calm scenario. Yourself? Managing to get back into the swing of things?"

"In a sense..." The girl nodded as she watched the steam rise from her cup. "Though I'll admit, it's a great weight off my mind, knowing that not much can happen until the snows pass us by. Gives me room to think."

"Not much can... Sorry, what?" I raise a brow, wondering how this could be a new thing for her. She'd been in training before this, right? They can't have done much during the winter months either, surely?

She smiles softly at me, too much going on in those big blue eyes for my liking. "I mean, to do with the need for revolution. Now that I know who I am, or rather, now that the Commander knows who I am."

"Oh..." I purse my lips, feeling a little foolish for not having taken that into account.

With the immediate danger passed, Blondie must be chomping at the bit to have things changed. With someone like Historia in charge, as in, someone with a fucking brain, things would be so different. Things could really change. The MP's would actually have to _work,_ the Garrison would... well actually the Pixis guy was all right, really. But the biggest change? The Scouts. Historia knew first-hand how hard they worked, and how pure their intentions were. Most of the time. It would change everything for this regiment. Potentially for the world as well.

Dammit, I'm almost chomping at the bit now.

She sips her tea and sighs. "I just don't really know where it's all going to begin."

"I think, leave that to Golden Boy. You know he'll want what's best for everyone... I'm kinda hoping, you do as well?" I add with a wink, and she chuckles with a nod.

"Yeah... I would like to make a difference. But really, that could just be naivety speaking."

"Hey now, don't-"

"I can't quiet escape that, I let myself, and everyone down by being so easily played by Meghan." She bites her lip and frowns, and I can't help but wonder how many times the girl had sat alone and worried on the subject. How lonely had her own couple of months been?

"I think there's a lot of change on the horizon, Historia. I really do. Work through those doubts, by focusing on that?" I smile and am glad to see a little more warmth in her eyes. She hadn't lost all hope just yet then. Okay. That we could still work with. Look at me, being all optimistic.

Her eyes darken and she holds her cup tighter. "Alexia?"

"Mm?"

"If... If I wasn't here-"

"Whoa, where you going with this, Historia?" I put a hand on her arm, and feel how she's trembling.

She smiled and shrugged my hold off, so she could put her grip on my arm instead. It doesn't comfort me much, I have to say.

Her smile remains. "I'm only talking hypothetically, Alex, calm down. I only wondered, if I wasn't here, and you were the only one left, known as a true heir, would you step up?" She asked and then continued to drink her tea.

I blink.

I blink again.

But nope, she's still there, and is apparently sincere in her question.

I pause, look forward, and think.

My brain really can't wrap around the idea though. All the weird looking seats I can conjure as a throne, all the funny looking hats that could count as a crown. None of it fits me. None of it ever would. I belonged in the background, shuffling around, looking for the nearest bottle of home-brew.

I smirk and lean closer to her. "Historia, my dear? If I am the only option left to lead humanity? Trust me. We are already, royally fucked."

She snorted and shook her head. "Be that as it may, would you step up?" She asks, and there's that edge to her voice. She will not be denied. With this in mind, I consider it carefully, rolling the idea around in my mind and letting it fester a little. Me as a ruler. That just sounds like madness. But then I look out over the mess-hall, watching the Cadets enjoy a normal day, and I hear the kitchens rattling their way towards lunch. The world kept turning. It didn't really matter how shite the ruler was, look at the git we had right now, he hadn't managed to ruin this place yet.

I smile and shrug. "Yeah, I guess so. I'd be happy to hold onto the reins, whilst everyone else figured out how to fucking drive." I chortle and then continue sewing.

"That's comforting. It isn't that I plan to be out of the picture, of course, but it's good to know that there's still options if something went wrong." She hums, and I really don't like how sincere she sounded about that. How far had she considered her own demise, in this situation? I mean, yeah, she's a scout, so she hardly has a long expiration date anyway. But still!

"You're a little quietly morbid, aren't you?" I raise a brow at her, and she smiles softly and shrugs.

"I suppose. Then again, we're all very aware of death in this building. Can't help but be, really." She drained her mug and sighed. "I'll be sad to leave this place. I guess once everything's happened, I'll be living in the Capital city."

"Think of the hot showers, the woe will pass." I hum, and grit my teeth as another prickling runs down from my forefinger. Fucking needle.

"I suppose so... but I really would like to make regular trips outside the central areas. I don't want to become a doll locked in a damned cage."

There's more going on behind those blue eyes, than I first thought.

"I don't think anyone's going to be able to lock you away again, Historia." I nod to her, and for a moment, she looks genuinely relieved. Perhaps, and it wouldn't be beyond the scope, she was worried about Erwin's intentions? The man was intimidating at the best of times, let alone when possibly on side with the new ruler of the land. I wonder just how demented he ended up looking during that conversation. Had his eyes actually gone crossed, or had his hair stood on end? Dear god, don't tell me she'd been traumatised by him having actually shaved his brows off...

"Thanks for talking with me, Alexia. It's... It's really good to know I haven't lost people's trust." She nods and gets up, walking away and looking a little happier in herself.

I hope I got through.

I return to my work, and only look up when I hear a soft 'clunk' against the table in front of me. Then the smell of coffee wafts up my nose. I look up and see a steaming mug. I peer beyond the cup and see the stoic face of my Captain through the steam. He nods and slightly raises his own cup before sipping and setting it down. He was still a ninja, even when in 'human' mode. Good to know.

"Afternoon, Captain, how goes it?" I save my spot again and set the material aside. I only have one more leg to do thankfully, then I can pack away my domestic goddess side for a while. She was a nagging old shitebag.

"Not bad, thanks. You're taking forever to get that done. Want some help?" He offered, raising a brow at the abandoned clothing. I glance that way and shrug, guessing it might be more the case that _he_ wanted to help, simply out of impatience. Oh look, I was right. He grabs the linen and works away. I barely finish my coffee before he's done.

"There." He hands it back and sips his drink, leaning on his hand and glancing around the place. "You really been in here all morning? The brats leave you alone?"

"How the hell did you... fucking ninja domestic..." I sigh and fold the trousers up on the side. "Yeah, I think they were mainly kept away with all my swearing." I shrug and then waggle my fingers at his confused expression.

He rolls his eyes. "Idiot. Just ask for my help in future."

I frown. "Look I have to be independent in some manner, right? Can't always be running to you for help. Where would I be with that attitude?"

"Stabbing yourself less, for one thing." He shakes his head. He waves to a cadet who brings a pot over and refills our cups. I feel like I'm going to OD on hot beverages by the time the snows have receded. Ach well, one hell of a pleasant way to go.

I head round and sit next to him, ignoring the raising of his brows and air of 'what're you doing over here, all of a sudden?'. It passes quickly enough and he settles in, enjoying the warm silence until I find myself perplexed by his sudden question.

"What would you want to do, if things changed?"

"Um... what things, and in what manner?" I ask, glancing at him.

He frowns. "As in... if Historia takes over, and we can finally push onto getting rid of the fucking Titans?" He asks slowly and when I look his way, he's staring into his coffee fixedly. Like his life depended. I consider his words carefully. This is hypothetical on one hand, but on the other, an actual possibility these days. Was this what things turned to, when Levi felt optimistic? Damn. I had to watch out for that.

"I um... Well I guess I had never really thought about it. It seemed daft to consider, you know?" I say, and he nods, thankfully not taking offence.

He runs a finger round his mug. "But if you did take the time to consider it?"

"Well, I mean I have this recurring dream. Guess that counts, even if only subconsciously?" I offer, and he nods again, looking at me with questions in his eyes. He was eager to delve into my head. Bad move buddy. Bad move. I look at my own coffee and think hard. "All right. Well it starts in the canopy. I'm flying around like nothing's wrong in the world. Sometimes there's a titan below, sometimes there isn't. But... Um... The past couple times I've dreamt it, when I've gotten closer to my home... You've have sort of, kind of, been there."

The last time I dreamt it was the previous night. He had been in full cleaning gear, only for some reason, I'd added an apron. He looked right at home, even in the pinny.

Levi blinks and looks at me out the corner of his eye.

I blush and push on. "Yeah, you're usually brewing tea, or at least cooking by the fire. It's been kinda mixed up over the past few months, sometimes ending in fire, sometimes you suddenly turn into Zeke at the last second, but the past week or so... i-its calmed. You're just waiting, usual stoic look on your face and a kind of... H-Homey feeling to the whole scene. Like I really was meant to be there." I clear my throat and swallow hard.

There's a slight pause, before he leans against me slightly.

I lick my lips. "The dream usually turns to maps and travelling after that kinda thing, visions of the ocean, or mountains as well. But yeah... I just... I dunno. That's where it goes usually. What um... What do you think?"

"Well..." He starts, smiling softly before it disappears and he sips his drink again. "I think having pit-stops along the way to the ocean will be essential in the long run. I don't see why we can't take advantage of your knowledge on how to build a shack." He mutters, that smirk falling back into place and making my face feel like it's on fire.

He didn't think it was stupid.

He hadn't laughed.

Shit, I think he might even like the idea.

I nod and look at the table fixedly, feeling him lean in ever so slightly again, his breath against my ear. "I think I'd like the steal some of that dream, brat, if it's okay with you?"

"Mm, sounds fine to me." I mumble dumbly, wondering if I was actually steaming out the top of my head by this point. His chuckle is almost inaudible. "What's so funny?"

"You, acting like a stereotypical woman. Blushing and everything." He snorted slightly and set his cup down. "Will wonders never cease."

"Can't all be emotionally constipated-"

"Look, I think it's a great idea. I'm afraid, if it's Titans we're fighting or even nothing at all, I want you by my side, Senefold." He speaks so sincerely, it's hard to keep up. I blink at him, and he shrugs whilst clicking his tongue. "You're stuck with this grumpy old bastard. Or was it, old ninja?"

"You alter between them from day to day." I explain and grin behind biting my lip.

He shakes his head and mutters under his breath. "No respect, no respect at all."

"You want respect? Go scare the shit out of Jeager, or something." I laugh, and he rolls his eyes at me. A couple cadets look our way, confused by my laughter I suppose, but then quickly looking away when noting who I was sitting next to.

Big scary Captain, wasn't bothered about being dreamt about in a pinny, making tea.

Oh.

Hang on.

I hadn't mentioned the pinny, had I?

* * *

The days generally went like that for a long time. Slow and steady. Calm and quiet. I would have guessed it would drive me mad, if asked beforehand, but no. If anything, it just made me more at ease with the world. I guess that might be a bad thing in the long run, but for the time being I suppose I'll just put it down to "that's tomorrow's Alexia's problem." As the days continued to be kept inside, the meetings grew longer, and the plans more extensive. There was a lot waiting for us, on the other end of the snows. There was a lot waiting for the world too – it just didn't know about it yet. Every so often, a ray of sunshine would burst through the cloud, and I'd just watch as it danced over the snowy compound. Dammit, it was a military base, not a fucking painting.

Gradually though, the calm was fading. Days turned to weeks, and those weeks slipped into months. It could only go on so long. The snows were receding. I know where this is going. I see the trees shaking off their big white coats, and I know what's waiting when they start to bloom again. The paths would open. The change would start. Considering how involved I could be, I wasn't in many meetings, but whenever Hanji, Levi or Erwin spared me a word on the subject, it was always the same thing. I'd better stay here. It'd be best for me to remain hidden. The world could only handle so much change at once.

Blah, blah, blah.

Basically, my butt would be royally in the way.

I don't mind, beyond the fact that I would prefer to help out, rather than simply fester in the corner and not do a damned thing. But hey ho. I've at least persuaded Levi to let me come to the interior. Otherwise I'd be a sitting duck out here. I think once he realised that yes, I can have a good idea occasionally, he knew I was right. If I was here alone, they'd pick me off no trouble. If I was hiding in a wagon, or scampering around the interior streets, I'd likely be much safer. Hide in plain sight as they say.

So really, now it's a case of packing.

Packing and preparing.

I look at the two big cases Levi had left out, and I wonder how he planned on filling them. I hardly have anything at all. In fact, anything I do have, is Hanji's. I think he realised this as he started to put some things into his case, and then saw my lack of movement. So instead, I made the tea whilst he muttered to himself about being an idiot. He was likely his worst critic sometimes. But I'll admit, it's been nice getting to know his more personal tells. Being locked away in this castle-like place, you can really get to know a person's quirks. And boy, oh boy, does this man have them.

We sat looking over his various things, his books, his supplies, and of course his need for tea. And then we packed it carefully. It was going to be a long trip in all likeliness, and in the end, he took most of it back out again. There was no telling what kind of situation we would end up in. The whole process was likely to be messy, at least that was what Levi had decided. He needed to be prepared for anything, that was what he kept muttering under his breath, when he wasn't shaking his head or clicking his tongue. Irritable: that would sum him up for today.

Eventually, I give up.

I head along the corridor and sigh. Where the hell could I go, and actually do something? I head for Hanji's lab, when I hear a rather loud, and slightly worrying sounding BANG. But it wasn't from her direction, and there was no smashing of glass. Usually, Hanji's accidents included glass. Instead, that noise had sounded like a crate being dropped, or perhaps a door being kicked in? Then there's the running footsteps. That certainly sounds ominous. What the hell was going on? I swallow hard and approach the corner, listening to the marching steps and then receding into a cupboard when they got closer. The hairs on the back of my neck are twitching. Something's not right. I peer through the gap in the door, and watch in slight horror as Unicorn patches go trudging past. Shit. Apparently they had decided to be vaguely clever for once, and act upon instinct. A surprise raid.

Great.

I wish I'd just curled up in the case Levi got for me. That would have likely worked out a lot better, than this. But there wasn't much to be done about it now. I wait for the first group to bluster past, and then I make a break for Levi's office. My footsteps sound so damned loud, but I hear no yelling until I'm at the door, and then it sounds like our cadets being rather taken aback by our sword-headed invaders. Bastards came out of nowhere. I close the door and look round for Levi, but he's already shrugging on a winter coat, and then flinging one at me.

I don't question.

I can't afford to.

I grab it, tug it on and then follow him through to the bathroom. At first I'm wondering what the hell he's doing. After all, it was hardly time for another shower-nookie, but then he's pulling at the wall. Oh my god, really? We actually had tunnels? I had been joking with Eren about that only a couple weeks beforehand, that I reckoned Blondie had all sorts of tunnels going under this place. Now it turns out, I was right? Eren would be thrilled.

If I wasn't so terrified, I might have been excited.

I follow him in, and let him put the panel back. As the wood slips into place, his office door is smashed open. Dammit, that had been too close. The Shit-heads weren't messing around. Levi takes a deep breath, grabs my hand, and leads me along the corridor. It's so dark, I can barely understand where he's going. I'm all turned around. But he seems to know what he's doing, so I just trust in that. I hold on for dear life and pray that we have someone to be on the run with. I'm pretty damn fond of my Captain, but I had grown rather fond of the idea of safety in numbers as well.

Shit.

Historia.

I drag my feet a little, and then Levi stops. Silence. I can't see him, but as the rustle of material approaches, I jolt when feeling his hands cup my face. Another pause, and he lightly kisses my lips. He tastes like tea again. His head then rests against mine and we breathe unevenly, but out of fear, rather than intimacy. How I wish it was the latter.

"Levi-"

"We're going to get out. Hopefully Hanji managed to get down here, with Erwin too. One of them will have gone for Historia, and I'm sure the other will have gone for Eren etc. so just stay with me okay. There's no time for second guessing."

"All right." I breathe.

He nods. "Are you with me?"

"Of course." I sniff and he kisses me again, before taking my hand.

We're off.

We charge along the tunnel. It seems to go on forever. Where the hell in HQ were we heading? I'm hoping the stables, but knowing our luck, it would be trudging through snow for a couple days on the back-roads. My poor toes. Eventually I see a light ahead, and I tighten my hold on Levi's hand without meaning too. We approach it slower now, his own grip tightening as well. He couldn't be sure who it was either.

Slowly the light gets closer and then I see a familiar flash of glasses.

"Hey there lovebirds, good to see you got down here pronto."

Hanji you beautiful mess.

Her grin even gleams in this gloom. "Erwin's got Historia, and I got the Jeager clan." She chortles rather calmly, referring back to the nervous teenagers over her shrouded shoulder. They look at us and her in confusion. Good, I'm not the only one fucking lost then.

"So where the hell are we going now?" Jean grumbles. "The way they were crashing around up there, it won't be long before they happen upon a panel down here, even if only because they fall through the damned thing."

"We're heading for the stables obviously you dolt." Levi growled. "We'll ride halfway through the forest, then dismount and let the beasts keep going. Then we round back. Fucking idiot." Levi shifted his weight, still clinging to my hand. The tension rises in the small area. Yeah, he was a little stressed too. Then again, good to know we're getting a little time on the back of a warm horse, instead of freezing our asses off the whole way through the woods. Small mercies.

"Have we got any supplies?" I ask carefully, and I can hear Levi trying to measure his own breathing. He wasn't keen on small spaces like this, was he? Good thing we're short, buddy. I feel sorry for Erwin, frankly.

"I sent Armin off to get some with Mikasa. That's why they're not here. Don't worry, they'll get the essentials to get us into the city." Hanji assures me, and for once, I can feel like she's really telling the whole truth. This wasn't a game, even though she was grinning.

I think the cabin fever might have gotten to her worst of all, even if only because she was oh-so-worried about her Titanous babies in the snowy hillsides. Woman drove me mad with all her concerned theories about what actually happened to the Titans during the snowy months. It annoyed me because of the genuine concern in her voice, well, until she rather brutally reminded me of the theory that the beasts might actually have been human once. That one stung. At least, it stung until I remembered that we were their preferred prey, if they were once human or not. So really... shit is just complicated.

Eventually another light approaches, and soon enough we have a rather huddled over Commander with us, and a bright-eyed Historia. The time for change had come around rather more violently, than I think she had been prepared for. Poor kid. I nod to her and she smiles back, despite the fact I can clearly see her shaking. Soon after them, Armin and Mikasa arrive with a couple decent bags of food and such.

Now we would make our way to the stables.

"Stay close, brats. And for god's sake, stay quiet." Levi hissed.

"Nah, was planning on getting the drum-set out." I hiss at him, and feel a rather sharp elbow suddenly rammed into my ribs. OUCH. I bite on my lip, and keep pace with him until a soft grey light can be seen. Our hushed steps slow, and after finally releasing my hand, only Levi keeps going. Was the panel loose, or opened? Were we about to stumble into Unicorn arms? I look around, but it's so small. I can't shift in here, I'd burn them all alive. It's fine, I could wait until the Unicorns had dragged me out, and then shift. Yeah, that could work. I wasn't weakened, I could easily do it. Yeah. It'll be fine. No need to panic.

"Oi... Lexi... Move your butt." Hanji hisses from behind me, and I jolt, being slowly pushed forward by Jean. Guess I let my imagination get the best of me there.

We enter the stables and get onto horses. We also let the others out and then slap their arses so they bolt. Suddenly able to run off into the open, had the beasts eager, and they charge away happily. Thunder ruled the air. That thins out the MP's right outside the stables at least, them all having flung themselves out the way, in yelping panic.

And then we're off too.

Shouting erupts from all around, and even rifle shots ring into the heavens. I think it was only warning shots, but it does wonders for getting our breasts into panic mode. They run like the god-damned wind. Thank you Unicorn muppets, you just sped up our escape. I hope someone gets fired for that one.

I hold on for dear life.

The trees flash past us. The trail is gradually clearing. Presumably, the Unicorns had been forced to do some digging on their way up to us. Idiots. We race down, a tight knit group. Soon enough though, Levi peels in front. He signals ahead, and in unison, everyone stands atop their saddles. Oh right, the crazy moment. I do the same, and rather wish I had gear on. My hips have never ached for gear more, than in this moment of feeling my heart fall out my ass. There's a small bark from our Captain, and then we all leap upwards towards the branches.

Thunk.

Whack.

Ouch, good god.

Crunch.

Splinters for fucking days.

I scramble onto a branch, and watch with the others as the horses just keep on going. I don't suppose it helps their panicked states, that there's one hell of a din coming after them. The MP's had apparently burned through their yearly intelligence quota. Me, and the team, press ourselves against our respective tree-trunks. We look away to avoid the MP's noticing us. The wood still smells slightly damp due tot he sun not having kissed it for a few months. It's cold to the touch too. But in all honesty, it might as well be the welcoming bosom of my own mother, the way I'm snuggling into it.

Just pass by, please, just fucking pass us by.

They thunder past, yelling and arguing as they go. And then? Just when I think I might snap the tree in half, from hugging it so hard, the noise softens. The MP's melt away. I can feel my pulse throbbing against the tree, and I stare at the bark in disbelief. They were gone. It had worked? Well, for the time being anyway. That meant shit in the long run.

Gradually the group look around and then we gather down in the undergrowth. For the time being we were alone, and so now was the time to take advantage. Hanji leads the way, apparently knowing the back-roads better than anyone else. For now at least, I will not bothering asking why. Other than the rustling of our feet, we are absolutely silent. I can hear breathing racing with my pulse still - and both are in-keeping with our quick footsteps. We keep our eyes open and our ears intent. Anything sneaking up on us, would get a nasty surprise.

Mikasa had been brilliant enough to have the foresight, of grabbing some knives. When we pause for a breather, the weapons are handed out. No risks were being taken here. It isn't much, but I know I could take a couple men down at least, with this blade. Even if only to buy time for the others. I put the blade in my boot. I sincerely hope I don't need it today.

"You doing all right, brat?" Levi murmurs beside me, and I slowly straighten up, nodding at him and closing my eyes when he tucks my hair back. "You did well to keep your head."

"Yeah, thanks. You did well, to keep it there." I smile a little and his hand taps the small of my back. Yeah, yeah, I know. We'd get through. We always get through. I look around the group as we sit and drink from tankards. It wasn't a bad bunch, in fact, it was probably as good as it was ever going to get. But I still have to go through the names, and I still have to decide who I need to protect above the rest. It's tough, but eventually I have it. Sorry Jean, you're right at the bottom buddy, but I guess you know that.

The wind whistles softly, and the branches creak in their dampness. Out here anything could happen. Out here, we were all on the run. Hanji might know her way on these back roads, but I know what it is to live in the shadows of the trees. With any luck, we'd find somewhere to hideout and regroup. But, knowing our luck? We'd be scattered within a couple days, fending for ourselves, being picked off one by one. Shit. I swallow hard, and accept the tankard to take a swig. Did anyone see my hand shake?

No.

We wouldn't be separated.

Fuck that.

I'd been dragged away from them before, and I wasn't about to let that happen again.

Not for anything.

Not this time.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed, see you in 3-4 weeks! Please fav, follow and review, I love to hear from you all! Quiet month last month, can you all tell, it's heading towards the ending?**

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 **MoonLover765:** Haha don't worry, Erwin isn't making moves on Alexia. There is such a thing as a platonic relationship. I am indeed going to continue to the end, have no fear. Thanks so much for the review, means a lot that you're still taking the time. Hope you enjoyed this update as well! See you next time.

 **Madie (chapter 27):** Thank you so much for the praise, so glad you're enjoying! I hope you make it this far, and find my response! I'm glad you dislike Meghan so much, and if you've made it this far, I hope you enjoyed her demise, haha! Thanks so very much for chiming in, I really do appreciate when my audience take the time to do that. I hope you enjoyed this update as well! Hope to hear from you again!


	47. Chapter 47

**Hello all! Bang on time!**

 **Hope you're all doing well, and are prepared for these last chapters.**

 **After this chapter, looking at what I have planned/written, I believe there will be two more updates. So this one, then another 2 following that. Pretty crazy, huh? If I stick to the 3 week mark (which I like to think, I generally do), the last chapter should be posted... on the 22nd-ish of November! Ooft! That will mean this story has been running for 2 years and 5 months! Daaamn! I will be eventually going back and editing the chapters on here, ensuring they're at as good a quality as I can manage, but yeah... after that, this fic is done!**

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 **Disclaimer: I still don't own AOT.**

* * *

We keep moving. Keeping trying. At this point, with the snow sinking into our boots, and the chilled wind at our backs, it was all we could do. From what Erwin explains as we go; it seemed that the MP's and royals had caught wind of Historia and our plan to get her to power. To bust the fake shit-show wide open. They weren't too happy about it. Then again, I don't think any of us expected them to throw a parade in celebration. And really, that's fair enough. With someone in charge who didn't have their head wedged between their inbred buttocks, the MP's might actually have to do some work. Heaven forbid, right? So basically, we were now all enemies of the state. I withhold my chuckling, but I have to admit, it's nice to have company.

The road is uneven. It's slow. It's almost maddening. Every snap of a twig, I'm expecting it to be followed the the clank of a rifle firing. Every call of a bird, I'm just waiting for it to be followed by the thunder of hoof-beats. I keep checking Historia is with us, and comfort myself with the fact I have these people around me. I wasn't alone. This wasn't the same thing over again, it would be different. We could fight this.

I can't really avoid it though. At first, running through these fucking trees has me slipping into the past. Has me wondering, rather foolishly, if we were going to stumble upon flashing round glasses, and a gruff laugh. My head is doing weird things. But no. He wouldn't be here. He would be out there, planning away as the snows clung to the plains. He wouldn't want anything to slow him down when his moment came, we didn't need to worry about Zeke's righteous ass until Spring. Unless he'd done the world a favour and frozen to death by then.

I'm still hoping for that. So sue me, for trying to be hopeful.

The afternoon wears on, and eventually we have to stop simply to eat and drink. It wasn't too hard on us, this was after all what the Scouts were best at. Getting the fuck out of a tricky situation, without much hope. But I think even this hardened lot, are still taken aback by how sudden it had all been. The MP's had come out of nowhere. For once they had been clever, and it was the worst thing in the world. Thank the walls they were normally shit-heads with nothing to do but drink and smoke. I sincerely hope this newfound vigour for their work lives, was short-lived.

I look to Historia and see how pale she is, but all I can hope right now, is that it's nerves. The idea of what was waiting on the other side of winter, had been plaguing her. We all knew this. I guess the sudden nature of everything would be hitting her hardest. We had time to regroup now, at least. We were on the run, but thankfully we were actually able to go at a fairly forgiving pace. I sit back and sigh, glad to hear absolute silence beyond the noise of chewing, tearing bread, and sloshing water cans. We were alone. It was lovely despite the chill clinging to the air. I look up at the darkening sky and purse my lips. The chill would get pretty bad as soon as that sun was set.

I look to the path ahead of us and clear my throat. "So, where are we actually heading?" I keep my voice muted, barely above a whisper. It seems like a shout by comparison to our quiet surroundings.

Hanji pushes her glasses back up her nose. "We're heading to an old barn, a couple towns over. We should get there just after nightfall, at this rate."

"Any reason, that's our holiday home?" I ask and tilt my head, glad to see Historia at least smile when I glance at her.

"The MP's will be expecting us to linger by HQ, I'm sure."

"Because they think we're as thick as them?" I guess, but the scientist chuckles and shakes her head.

"Whenever they've dealt with us, they always claim we're only confident, when geared up. They know we don't have any gear on us right now, so they'll likely expect us to linger in order to try and steal some. So, with that in mind, we should be able to buy a couple days distance, until we can find a proper hiding place. From there?" Hanji sighs, her breath catching on the air like a cloud. "Well, I guess the trip to the interior is gonna be a little more perilous than we first thought."

"Things are gonna turn out more perilous than we first thought..." I tap my chin, "I feel like that's becoming a bit of a pattern?"

"Indeed." Hanji laughs. "Sorry, your majesty." She winks at Historia, who blushes and looks to her lap.

A strange silence takes over.

I watch Eren's eyes swivel and focus on Historia, a kind of realisation lighting there. The same thing happens with Mikasa too. I guess they'd known for a long time, of course they had, Meghan had banged on about it enough. But only now was it really sinking in. Their little classmate, was the ruler of the land. The true ruler, anyway.

Golden Boy clears his throat. "I suppose it goes without saying, but in pressing times like these, perhaps nothing should be left unsaid."

"Fuck sake, Blondie..." I sigh, shaking my head, at his convoluted language.

Speak English for once you damned Golden Nugget.

He clears his throat again. Apparently ignoring me. "Historia, I hope you realise how vital you are to this movement. You are this world's best hope for peace and progress. So naturally, should we encounter danger or enemies, I am ordering you to remain at the back of the group. Or at the least, the most protected space possible."

"B-But I... s-sir I can fight. I..." She starts, but his expression doesn't exactly hint at there being room for argument. She was still a soldier, no matter how doll-like she appeared. Yet more reason to want that pert arse upon the throne.

"I know you can." Erwin nods. "I have witnessed your skill in the field, myself. However, right now we must look beyond your skill. I need you to be brave enough to allow us to protect you. To protect the future." He says, voice turning stern towards the end.

That flash of argument that appeared in her bright eyes is quickly quashed.

"Gotta keep you safe, Historia. Or else they're stuck with my sorry ass, remember?" I chuckle at her and shrug. "We'll keep you safe, and then you can be the bad-ass on the podium. Strut your stuff once the crowns on your head."

She nods again, looking a little calmer as everyone joins in. There was one goal right now; get this little skinny butt onto the throne. That was about the long and short of it. Oh, and I suppose an underlying idea of the rest of us "staying alive", wouldn't hurt to mention as well. As Erwin said, this wasn't really the time to leave things unsaid.

I hand back the bread once I've had my fill, and Eren picks at it a bit, handing it over to Historia almost without taking a single bite. I sigh and take it back from her, when she looks confused.

"This isn't the time to waste away, Eren." I explain softly, seeing his reasoning, but also knowing it was short-sighted. I hold the loaf out to him. "We all need to be in as good form, as possible. You can't protect her, if you're fainting."

He takes the bread and begrudgingly takes a few bites. He then looks around the trees and shifts about uneasily. "So I'm guessing it's a case of lie-low?"

"Yeah, no Shifting, brat." Levi summarises, sitting beside me but having stayed silent for the time being. The whole time though, I could feel his mind thrumming away. He was used to being on the wrong side of the law, it was his entire childhood as far as I knew. So I had to wonder, what plans my Captain has concocted whilst sitting back and watching.

Eren nods with a nervous look down.

No, the need to Shift wasn't so easy to control all the time, but I'd help the kid where I could.

I nod to Levi when he glances my way with that 'you too', look.

What's he take me for? An amateur?

"I have no want to shift, thank you." I sing-song. "Wouldn't exactly help the whole 'hiding' part of our plans." I snort, but Hanji frowns. "I sense an idea, Hanji?"

"No..." she murmurs, clasping her hands tightly. Now I'm sensing a problem. "But hasn't it been a while since you shifted, Alexia?"

I blink, and look down at my hands. The ache is in my bones already. "Um... Yeah, I guess it has. Not since the last thunder storm we had. Not really able to shift without drawing attention, otherwise." I scratch the back of my neck as I try and chuckle my way round the issue.

The scientist is still watching me, and now everyone else is too.

I purse my lips. "It aches a bit, but I can handle it." I clear my throat, and crack my neck, it giving a pleasing POP to the whole group. They shudder and I grin in return. "Oh stop being such wusses! Right, we good to move on? We won't have much more light, if those clouds make any more progress." I point up to the greyscale gloom that had rather crept up on us.

We gather our things and we carry on.

* * *

By nightfall we have reached the barn that Hanji mentioned, and I swear to god, hay has never felt so soft against my aching arse. Bye, bye soft bed and consistent hot showers. Hello dust mites and a cold bucket of water made from melted snow. World, you're a dick. But at least you gave us something to hide in.

I tug off my boots and set them down by the lit stove in the middle of the kitchen-like area. It was a pretty fancy barn, to be honest. Never been in one that was anything more than a shack with old cows in it. I can only guess that Stumples had known someone that lived out here, and had asked them to make it available, just in case. After all, he was the man with the plan, right? Good thing too. No leaks, no windows, a perfectly secluded hideout. And a damn good shelter against that wind. In the last hour or so, it had really picked up. Whilst I could help a couple people with my heat, there wasn't enough Titan-cosy to go round everyone.

Thankfully, no toes had been lost to the snow's chill, and now everyone was warming up.

Levi was in the main part of the barn, getting the sleeping area ready, and double checking the doors and such. It was separate to the kitchen. So whilst good for sleeping shifts, it was bad for heat efficiency. Then again, we had two stoves to play with, one in each room, and thankfully we'd found some dry wood too. So far, things were going pretty well. So naturally, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Usually, there would have been livestock in the larger area. That being why I had to suspect the Golden Nugget, of having planned this prior to this day. The barn was empty, and by normal standards pretty clean.

"Fucking filthy." Levi grumbled away to himself, pointlessly sweeping hay from one side of the room to the other. I stood in the doorway, leaning there and just watching him fuss about.

Yup, he was back in business-mode all right.

"It's dry, warm, and sheltered from the wind. Stop moaning, old man." I chuckle and head inside, letting the kitchen door close behind me. I'm glad to see him slow his movements at least. "C'mon, put the broom down, it didn't go anything."

"I know it fucking didn't." He sighs, letting it drop and then turning to me sullenly.

He wasn't happy, I knew that already, but I guess I hadn't seen the fidgety side to him in a while. There was nothing to be done, right now. Till the dawn broke, we just had to gather ourselves, and rest. In times of strife, and unease, that was the last thing on Levi's to-do list. I guessed by day-break, his fussing about would drive everyone a little barmy.

I put a hand to his cheek. "Just take a breath, whilst we can?"

I run my thumb under his eyes. I have to take a second, to appreciate the lack of bruising there. All too soon, it would be back to purpled and sleep-deprived. With the days getting longer, his nights grew shorter. The winter had done him some good, and I like to think I had as well. But all the good company in the world, didn't help much when worrying about that same good company being shot in the back of the head.

Now, we had worries in plentiful supply.

"Yeah... Sorry, Brat." He nods, and steps closer. He puts his hand over mine, eyes glancing to my palm. "How're the aches feeling?"

"I'm fine."

He glares.

I roll my eyes. "Look, if the MP's do ever catch up to us, I can always let loose and get rid of the aches whilst kicking their asses in a nice tanky-titan-form." I snort, and then feel him tense. I watch his eyes narrow again. I know he's searching for my tone. But it's a hard thing to determine. Even I know that.

"You're not serving yourself up as bait, Senefold."

I lean in and put my head against his. "If you're gonna be giving me lovey, dovey orders like that, Levi, you'd better be calling me by my first name, no?"

He grumbles. "Stubborn, Brat."

"You're damn right. Now then, don't worry, I'd only shift if I already knew the MP's had found us, and it was a last resort. Otherwise? This Titan's staying firmly in human-form." I grin and am glad to feel the tension leave him. "I can handle a few aches and pains, Levi. I ain't made of glass."

"I just hate that you have to stay so uncomfortable, just so we can stay hidden." He mutters bitterly, and I nod against him. He draws a deep breath, his nose wrinkling ever-so-slightly. "Everything is such a mess right now, isn't it Alex?"

"Little bit, yeah." I agree with my eyes closed. I feel his hands rest on my waist.

"What Erwin said was right..."

"Don't say that too loudly." I murmur, and chuckle.

He smirks. "Nothing should be left unsaid." He whispers, as if only speaking to himself. I stay quiet, not sure where he was headed with this. But then the pause comes again, and I have to peek, to see what he's doing.

He stares at me.

I stare at him.

Movement occurs beyond the doorway, the others making food and readying whatever provisions we had managed to bring along during the panic. There's talk of firewood, and a decision on who had to go get more. My fingers move against his undercut, and his thumbs rub small circles against my hips. For a moment, the world feels normal again. So for us, a little abnormal.

"I'm looking forward to the next snowfall." He sighs at last, closing his eyes and holding onto me that bit tighter. I chuckle and nod. "You promise to still be with me, then?"

"Of course. I have strict orders to follow, after all." I hum and then kiss him before he could ruin the otherwise tender moment between us.

Eventually though, that moment has to end.

He pulls away, and heads back through to help with the meal. Didn't seem like he trusted Hanji with the cooking, and I don't have the guts to argue. I say I'll follow him in a minute. I just need a moment to myself. Thankfully he understands, and he heads through, closing the door behind him. As it snaps shut, the barn's bubble seals around me, and I try to focus. I breathe in the heavy hay-smelling air, and I look up at the strong beams of the roof. If only we could wait it all out, if only the world could save itself for fucking once.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

I look at the lantern and wonder why it had suddenly flickered.

I can see nothing wrong, in the small pool of light that I have. Tet those hairs now give nasty twinges.

The doorway out of the barn, that lead to the outside world instead of the kitchen, gave a soft creak. Not a good sign. My hands curl into fists as that draft snakes along the ground, and teases through my clothing.

All right, so I knew that whoever it was I wasn't going to like it. Not much point in delaying then. I turn, tilting my head as I raise the lantern that sat atop the barn's stove. The light scatters further, lighting first upon bashed leather boots. For a moment, I hope it's just Eren coming back in from firewood collecting. But that hope is quickly dashed. The light ended upon a weathered hat, and the soft orange glow of a cigar.

Kenny.

Shitting hell, it's Kenny fucking Ackerman.

He stands, smirking at me from the doorway, with a gun drawn and self-importance centre-stage. At first, I don't believe my eyes. I just assume it's my mind, making shit up as I wait for the world to crash around us again. Where the hell had he even been, this whole time? I guess the little shit had been hiding out, just waiting for the rest of us to be taken care of. Lazy bastard was just swanning in now, when we were beat-down and unarmed. Smug git. No point in panicking though, he was alone for the time being, no one had come in behind him. Whatever dogs he had brought with him, would likely be close behind though. So no need to panic, but no need to waste time either? Fuck, I'm out of practise.

I sigh and gesture him forward, so he can at least close the damned door.

He does so, and the door creaks shut again, closing with very little noise. That was rather timid of him. Seemed like the old shit-head didn't want to be heard by the others. Did that mean he was really alone? No MP's at all?

Perhaps wasting time _was_ an option, then?

I set the lantern back onto the stove. "So, Kenny. What brings you out on such a chilly night?"

"Lookin' fer you."

"All right. You found us, now what?" I shrug and gesture to the door he had appeared through. "Got some MP dogs with you? Or is your sweet company, all we can look forward to?"

His cigar glows a little brighter, before smoke billows out between those thin lips. "Heh, all big talk, but it seems te me missy you went from Soft, to even fucking Softer." He cackles and taps the ash off the end of his cigar.

I wrinkle my nose at the bitter smell. "The hell you on about?"

"Buddies with Smith. Fucking the Midget himself... Whatever next, lady? You planning on sucking off the MP's too?"

"As if that's any of your wrinkled business." I roll my eyes, but immediately focus on him afterwards. He was a daft old brush, but a dangerous one. I keep close watch on that gun. It gleams in the lantern light.

"Aye, it's my business all right. I told ya way back when. I warned ya, if you didn't do the deed ye were tasked with, that you'd be dealing with me." He chuckles and dips his hat. "Seems you were keen to see me again, hm? Didn't bother to even attempt yer task."

"Not exactly how I'd define it, but all right." I shrug. "Why's it taken you so long to come and give me my comeuppance, though? Why not turn up earlier? Or were you frightened of little Meghan?"

His scowl deepens. "That wench was annoying enough when under the royal thumb. Out here? Where she could make up her own rules? No thanks. I'm an old dog, and can only choke down so many new tricks."

"So you were a scared little pup. Fair enough."

He snorts. "Think what ya like. I thought I'd wait and see if she could actually pull off anything decent. Turns out, the only interesting thing she managed, was getting you to kill her." He sits haphazardly on a nearby barrel. "Seems to me, like this has all been a long-time coming."

"What, you talking in riddles at me, in a barn during winter? Really? That was where you saw this going?" I question, trying to speak plenty, to make the others aware I wasn't alone in here any more. But I don't think they can hear me. Not to mention, if Levi told them to give me some space, no one would be coming near.

Of all the times for the Scouts to suddenly start caring about personal space!

Kenny dips his hat. "But I gotta ask, Alexia. Why didn't you kill Smith? I thought you hated the guy?"

"I wouldn't say I'm overly keen on the man... but he's good when you dig down deep enough."

"Pretty sure that applies to everyone. I reckon you'd even find somethin' to like about me, if you tried hard enough." Kenny laughs roughly, shifting his lanky weight.

"It... It became a complicated situation." I click my tongue, watching that wrinkled brow only wrinkle further.

"Complicated?" He repeats slowly, cigar bobbing between his lips. "What? You fuckin' the Commander too, now?"

"You're a twisted little gnarled up shit, aren't you?" I scoff, folding my arms over my chest and shaking my head. It only makes him grin.

Movement sounds through in the other room. But before I can deduce if its the group sitting down to eat, or poking their heads in here, the doors have opened. Dammit. As soon as I see them, I wish I'd stayed quiet. What was I expecting them to do? We had no guns, we had nothing. Shit. I wish they'd just turned and run. Hanji, Levi, Erwin and Historia stand there in the doorway. They stare into the room, and their eyes go from me, to Kenny, then back to me.

Of course, only Levi recognises our bedraggled guest, but good lord he looks about confused as the rest of them. Not that I can blame him really, it was a damned weird situation, even if you knew who the old fucker was. I hadn't seen it coming either. I'd kind of forgotten this cigar-chewing has-been even existed.

"Seems we have a guest." I chirp, gesturing to the fossil. "Not my idea, I assure you."

"How the fuck did you even find us, Kenny?" Levi demands, striding out in front of the rest, closely followed by Hanji.

Thankfully Blondie has the savvy to stay back a bit with Historia slightly behind him. It was protecting her, without raising a big old "SHE'S IMPORTANT" flag. Nice balance Golden Boy.

"It's ma job, ya little shit." Kenny snarled back at Levi, sucking on that damned cigar before gesturing them all over towards me. "C'mon, get over there and huddle up. We gotta talk. And I ain't keen on having you lot spread out. Aye, you too Smith. Sorry, I ain't one for formality."

"That much, I had already ascertained." Erwin drawled, and took his place with the rest of the group.

On one hand, I was glad to have them with me, unable to be randomly shot through the wall. Atop that, Historia was slightly behind me as well, and easily protected. But on the other hand, they were all now here with me, in range of a direct shot. I just hope Eren etc. didn't stray through here as well. This barn was already overcrowded with potential victims for that gun.

Kenny casts the stub of his cigar away. "So then Missy, how shall I punish ye for what ye didn't do?" He chuckles, clearly amusing himself and enjoying the sound of his own gravelled voice.

I sigh and look to the roof for patience, but alas there is none to be found.

"Why the hell do you even still care?" I demand.

"Eh?" Kenny barks, gun turning in the light.

All I have to use, is my ability to rile up an idiot.

So dammit, I guess that's what I'll do.

I tilt my head. "Are you really that far up the royals asses that you can't stand to even think for yourself?"

I want to keep those beady eyes on me. I need that gun pointed my way. I can heal. I can deal with a wound, these people cannot. Atop that nugget of fact, these people fucking mattered too much. They weren't about to be taken out in some back-water barn. Fuck that. Too much had been overcome by these people, for their end to happen because I had a loose end waiting to hang me.

Kenny juts his chin out proudly. "I have ma reasons little lady. But frankly, I _know_ you're a monster now, so really this can all go real simply. I'll not harm anyone else, if you just go ahead and change for me."

"What?" I blink. Something clicking in my head. "You didn't know what I was, beforehand? You didn't know I was a shifter."

"I had an inklin'," he shrugs and pulls the hammer back on his gun.

I step forward a little, feeling a ghost of a touch from Levi. He wanted to pull me back, but I'm glad he fights the temptation back down.

"You mean the royals sent you in, without telling you everything?" I continue, and I watch the cogs turn in that dusty mind.

"What they did, or didn't tell me, ain't the important part. I'm a man that don't tend to believe this kinda shit, without seeing it for myself." He grins, and the hammer finally clicks into place. I feel like it just clamped down on my heart.

My nails dig into my palms.

If I change, it would be just as bad as one of them being shot. If I changed, it would be a fucking flare gun to any MP nearby, that the Scouting Legion convicts were nearby.

Kenny narrows his eyes. "C'mon now. Turn into that big lumbering pile of weird, and then the MP's can come mop you up. I ain't riskin' you turnin' on me instead."

"And I would do that because...?" I shake my head, where the hell had he cooked up this plan? "You do realise I can easily kill you in that form, a hell of a lot easier than I can in this one? You going mad old man or-"

"Stop tryin' to buy time, you fucking wench." He snaps, the gun seeming to shine brighter with every threatened moment. I hate this. There was no in, with this guy. No way to play with him, to pull his strings. He's still acting on some higher-up order. I doubt he even knows about the revolution plans. He was just an old coot, stuck in the wrong place. "I dunno why you lot are on the run, and frankly I don't have time to question. So for the time being, I'm going with the idea that you wanna stay hidden."

He was a crazy old coot. But apparently, he was also a smart one.

His head tilts. "Maybe you're hiding someone? Now then... who could it be?"

"Are you wanting my hide, or are you wanting to play guessing game-" he silences me with a cold look.

"Is it that pretty blonde? Lookin' like a little doll over there? Or is it the Commander himself? Did he go and proper fuck something up? Then again, is it that weird Jeager kid hanging around somewhere. But as I said... don't really have the time so, I'll just let the MP's get hold of you. Then I can do my part, once you're in custody. So here goes nothing." He chuckles and takes aim. My heart clenching yet again. "Change, or I shoot the Midget."

Fuck off.

I grit my teeth.

This situation was bigger than my love for Levi. We had to keep Historia hidden, so she could finally change things around here. So do I just let Kenny shoot, Levi? My Captain was important to the mission though, if anyone was gonna know how to evade the MP's once in the cities, it was him. Shit. What do I do? How the hell do I get round this? My mind fizzes with adrenaline, lines blurring, logic reeling. Kenny counts towards three, but then I see that glint in his eye. That cruel streak. I see the lie brewing there. He isn't going to shoot Levi, no. He wants to fuck with me. And he sees Hanji as the least important, he didn't even mention her yet. His gaze moved to her for a mere moment, but I know he'll shoot her and claim that as the warning shot.

No you don't, Kenny.

I ain't letting the brilliant likes of Hanji Zoe, fall by your filthy hands.

I lunge.

The shot rings out, like wood snapping under fire's caress. That same heat sinks into me, directly into my back. I stand facing Hanji, my hands gripping her arms, my body having shielded her thankfully. She was all right, not a scratch on her. Apparently, instinct had won over logic, this time round. After all that she had done for me, right from the beginning when I was nothing but a prisoner, I couldn't let her be harmed. The scientist stares at me, agape. She'd not forgive herself easily, I know that much, but I'd help when I was healed. I groan, the bullet sears my insides.

I turn and glare hard at Kenny.

But then I see something I didn't expect. I see fear in the old man's eyes. Real fear. It's there for only a moment, but I know I hadn't imagined it. Kenny's actually afraid of me, isn't he? He said he wasn't the type to believe things, until he had witnessed it. Had he been lingering by HQ one of the times I shifted? Had his walled world suddenly been opened up? The very idea of me having haunted his nightmares, is enough to send pleasured tingles down my spine. I guess, as experiences go, watching someone like me turn into a few-too-many-metres-tall rage monster, was pretty humbling.

This little shit was saying _I_ was all talk, and yet he does this?!

"You scared, old man?" I demand, coughing a bit.

Hanji holds onto my shoulder. I shrug her off though, and tilt my head at our uninvited guest. In the doorway behind, Eren etc. all appear, and I glance their way. Too many potential victims. That gun, couldn't be allowed to wander. Shit, was this what I was meant to do? A long time coming, that had been what he said, right? Kenny had said that. Maybe... Maybe he was right. Maybe after everything, I was here for fodder after-all. I can't deny, it's almost laughable after everything else. I can be fodder all right, I can take it all, if it means there's one less bastard to be deal with. I clear my throat and grin at Kenny, keeping those unsure eyes securely on me. On the main threat. On the thing that had those wrinkled hands shaking.

"C'mon Kenny, this is what you were meant to do right?" I stalk forward, feeling that bullet shift inside of me. I shiver. "Teach me a lesson?"

"Alex don-"

Levi's voice of reason is interrupted, as more shots ring out.

A lot more shots.

Fear pulls that trigger again and again. Bullets sunk into me like nails into a coffin. My heart, my lungs, my stomach. On and on, until finally the damn gun is only clicking uselessly. I gasp thinly and sink to my knees, thumping onto the wooden ground as my body reels from the assault. Fire seems to fill my body. But I have to fight it. I c-can't afford to change here. I just need to wait it out, I could take it! Sure, it takes longer in human f-form, but I can wait. Right? I can just let the heightened healing take course, push these bullets out of me, and stop the bleeding. R-Right?

I don't even see Levi move.

I'm hunched onto all fours.

All I hear is the word " _bastard_ " and then there's a swishing noise, followed by guttural choking.

Kenny hadn't had a chance. Kenny hadn't had a damn clue.

I remember the smoking skeleton of that titan, out on the plains. The one with all the scored marks into it. Levi had lost his mind when Isabel and Farlan had fallen, and I have to wonder if this was a similar situation. If there wasn't pain drowning my entire mind right now, I might have been touched. But as it was, I can only groan and curl my hands into fists. My nails split against the wood. Blood runs out of me like a fucking overturned bottle of booze.

Shit, that's just wasteful.

Th-this is bad.

Steam sizzles into view, but I bite it back.

It was building too fast, if it got too out of hand, the transformation would happen if I wanted it to or not.

Dammit, I cannot change. If I do, I give away their position, and in this kind of light they wouldn't get far. Not without risking being lost to the snowy wilderness. I cannot let Historia be risked like that. Too much was riding on her taking over. Dammit this hurts though.

"Alexia? Alexia look at me." Levi demands as his steps approach, but I just remain hunched over. At least I intend to.

I wheeze and slump to the side, panting and looking up through bleared eyes. I hadn't known this kind of pain in a long time. A whole winter of peace. I guess those cushy nights by the fire, had turned me kinda soft. I swallow hard, and try to speak, but first I have to look down and spit out a good mouthful of blood. Lovely.

"You have to change." Levi snaps, hands uselessly pushing against the wounds. "Do it now."

"I c-can't... c-can't expose... y-you all..." I gasp, shuddering already as the agony overwhelms me.

My body is demanding change, demanding that life-saving shell. The door to the outside world closes, and the group circle around. No one knows what the hell they're meant to do. Can't say I do either. I can hear Historia crying I think, and Hanji's kind of rambling ideas and possible ways to save me.

"Alex, c'mon, this is madness. We can run into the forest, or something." Levi says, pushing my hair back, his hand shaking slightly. Even I can notice that, even now. He must be in a right mess.

"Ghn... Y-You don't know the area. It's s-still snowed on. You could all g-get lost a-and freeze to death. C-Can't risk... r-risk it." I cough and more blood sinks into the old wood.

I curl in on myself when Hanji tries to investigate the wounds.

"Come on, Lexi, at least let me look?" Hanji begs in her choked sobs.

I do my best to lie back, unable to deny her and unable to withstand much more than a shove right now. I stare up, breathing as deep as I can, with a bullet in one lung, and another having gotten rather close to the other. I grit my teeth as she investigates. Two bullets are pulled out, thunking onto the floor beside me. But the bloods already swamping the wood, and I know those darkened patches at the edges of my vision, aren't a great sign.

I try to swallow, but there's too much.

Levi helps me onto my side, and I wretch, the blood gushing from me. It's like it thinks survival is more likely beyond the sinking ship. I whimper despite myself, and gradually everyone else backs away. The lantern flickers again. Or was it my vision? Levi is still fussing, and when he speaks again, the desperation is clear.

"Come on, I can get you onto a horse. We'll ride into the woods ourselves, then you can change, and we'll make a break for it." His hand grips my shoulder too tight, but I don't have the heart to complain.

I smile at him, and reach for his hand.

He flinches, and I think he knows I'm far too cold.

"Alex... please..." he whispers, head against mine. "This isn't fucking right. This _is_ the last resort, you have to change." He starts to get angry. "Dammit, I'm ordering you to change!"

I just smile, knowing there weren't many words that would help.

He grimaces. "You can't go, not now. Not when we're so fucking close. We're meant to go back to that fucking hovel, right? You said it yourself. Back to that shitty shower with the string." He swallows hard and holds my hand tight, both slick with blood. "You're meant to explore it all, aren't you?"

"G-Guess... it... w-wasn't... meant to..." I cough, and stop myself.

I'm not built for these sorts of things, for lingering goodbyes. I wish I could change, I wish I could brush it off and carry on like normal. But there's too much damage for my healing, apparently. Seemed like my powers really were weakening. And the cost of shifting would be too damned high. This was bigger than me. It was bigger than Levi too. I think he knows that, and I think it's the only reason, he doesn't hate me right now.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" He growls, and I make a point of not watching those tears that I think I see.

I shudder and try to focus on healing, try to do as he asks, try to do something. But the more I do, the colder I feel. As if me trying to heal, is making me lose more blood. Dammit body, this is not the time to be acting out. I groan, about to apologise for being so useless, when a sharp pain blooming in my chest. Damn, it's like ice shooting right through me. I roll onto my back again, simply to try and escape this sensation, but then I jolt. A strange crackling noise fills the air, and I look at Levi in bewilderment.

Crystal?

I watch as it blooms out of me, a deep purple colour. I reach out, trying to tear it away, but to no avail. It surges down my stomach and soon encases my legs. It's so thick, I can't move at all! I whimper and try to tug it off, panicking as I feel mobility robbed away. Levi tries to pull it off as well, he's saying things, but all I can hear is that low crinkle. I can't move. And dammit, this stuff is freezing!

Levi flinches back as it claims my feet. He shakes his head, looking at me in confusion, before suddenly clarity strikes. "Alex, wait!"

"Ghn... w-wait for _what_?" I gag as the cold sinks into my bones.

"Don't fight it, maybe it's your body trying to heal?" He suggests, frowning as he doubts himself. I just shake my head, but I still take his hand when he grabs for mine. He feels like fire to me. I stare at him, and he gives a small nod, running a hand through my hair before looking at the crystal.

"What if..." I hiss as the crystal snaps into place along my lower back. "What if I c-can't get back out? What if-"

He silences me with a determined look. "You will come back out. I know you will. We'll... We'll hide you all right? Just..." He's doing his best to think for the both of us. "If you come out of there, before we return from the interior, don't move? Don't leave this place, until we've come back for you."

"B-But..." I groan, the crystal crawling along my back, snapping into place like a stone jumper. "But what if y-you don't come back? What if this... th-this revolution goes w-wrong?" I gasp, the crystal holding my head in place, crawling up my throat, and now covering my lips. I try and speak, but I'm silenced.

Tears spring from my eyes as the crystal finally slows.

I can hear it softly singing as it creeps towards my eyes.

Like the sound of glass rubbing on glass.

"I won't let it go wrong." Levi has never looked so certain. "We will come back, and we will find you. Just... Just heal." He says, right before the last bit clicks into place, and I find myself staring through it.

Everything is muffled, everything is cold.

The air is so close, and the crystal continues to creak as it hardens. In here, nothing was possible, nothing but stagnant healing. At least, that better be what was happening. I swear body, if you dare let me die now? I will kill you myself... oh. But the others, they had to keep moving without me. With any luck, by the time I came back out of here, the world would be sorted out at last. Wouldn't that be convenient?

Shit.

I swallow hard, and accept the coldness surrounding my whole world.

Was I ever going to see them again?

Dammit, stop.

I can't think like that. This wasn't going to be my coffin dammit. It was just a pause, a momentary hiccup, right? I could heal, and then rejoin the fight. This... th-this was the right choice. This meant they could keep going, without yet another battle to face. If I'd changed, carnage would have ruled the day. Without me changing, they could work in the shadows for as long as they needed to.

But dammit... this was me being dragged away again, wasn't it?

Was that what this counted as?

I feel my breathing deepen, and a fog settles on my mind. I guess 'dragged' might be the wrong word. And I guess, at least this time it had been partially my own choice. That bullet was aimed at Hanji, and I chose not to let it make its mark. I wanted to keep them hidden, and this was the way to do that. Everything had its damned price.

No, I won't be trapped here forever.

I wasn't about to run away.

Not for anything.

N-Not this time.

I wriggle, but move nothing in my body. I'm immobile. I want to pant, to gasp and panic like hell. But there's nothing to be done, my mind sinks further. Something tugs on my mind, and I feel myself slipping. I'm falling asleep. I try to fight it, but as I succumb into the darkened depths, all I hear is. " _Remember your orders, brat!_ "

By the walls... he just doesn't give up, does he?

* * *

 **So there we go, DRAMA BOMB! Like you expected anything else? Hope you all enjoyed, see you in 3-4 weeks, for the second-last instalment!**

 **Please leave a fav, follow and review, as time is running out, to let me know what you thought! Well... I mean... the fic will still be here, and I'll still get notifications of reviews once its all done but... ach, I know what I mean...**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MoonLover765:** So glad to hear you enjoyed the chapter. And glad to have caught you by surprise with the tunnels! I just always thought Erwin was the type to have planned for this kind of thing. Not to mention, that the HQ used to be a palace, so really, there would likely be tunnels anyway ;) Hope you enjoyed this chapter, how do you think it's gonna end? Thanks for reviewing, you've been a real gem for doing so! Speak soon.

 **AuroraStargazers:** Glad you're enjoying the story! Happy to have heard from you anyway, and I hope you enjoyed this update as well. Feels weird to be bringing it all to a close though. Any ideas on how it's gonna end? Thanks for reviewing, speak soon!

 **Bowlalie:** I sincerely hope you find this response, I'm not sure when you'll get to this point etc.! I think I'll upload this lot onto AO3 when it's all done. Maybe. Still not sure in all honesty, as the community's pretty dead on there. Anyway, glad to know you're enjoying the story, and thanks for following it onto here! Thanks for highlighting Erwin, I'm pretty proud of how he turned out in this, and I hope you continued to enjoy his portrayal! Any ideas on how it's gonna end? Thanks for reviewing, speak soon, hopefully!

 **SirFart (chpt12):** I'm not sure if you'll ever find this, I literally got your review before updating right now, and you're on Chapter 12 I think? I'm glad you loved it, but in all honesty, I'm not sure what you meant by the rest of your review? Sorry, you didn't give me much to go on. You read a story? Not really anything else to it...?


	48. Chapter 48

**Hello my lovely readers! The penultimate update for Chained Wings! Whoop! After this, the finale. I have loved writing this fic, and hope you have enjoyed reading it. Please let me know!**

 **This is a crazy month coming up, as I am taking place in NaNo (National Novel Writing Month) in which I have to attempt to write an entire novel in 1 month. Wish me luck :P Stay tuned!**

 **Thanks for reading, I hope you're still enjoying!**

 **SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: On the advice of some wonderful friends, I'm going to be putting a link at the end of the chapter to my Ko-fi page, on the off-chance any of my lovely readers would like to show their appreciation for my continuing work by buying me a coffee (or in other words donating some money). ^-^**

 **Dislcaimer: I still don't own AOT. But I do own Alexia.**

 **WARNING: MANGA INFO, SPOILERS, It's been mentioned previously that the end of this fic is gonna have them, but I don't want ppl moaning ;) SPOILERS AHEAD.**

* * *

Snap. Crunch. Sprinkle.

A whole cacophony of irritating noises fill my mind. It seems to last for hours on end, gnawing away at my patience and nerves. They ease along my ears and rattle around in my brain. I feel like I drank an entire cask of ale or something, my mind's so sluggish. I try and make sense of what's going on. Where the hell am I? And why is it so fucking cold?

My eyes flutter, a weight suddenly lifted from them with another crackling noise. As if a blindfold made of glass had just been lifted away. My nose breathes in clean crisp air, and some of the sluggishness falls away from my head. Gradually, an alertness is taking to my brain, as I try to move more parts of my body and manage to barely wriggle. Held in place; that never seemed like a good sign. My lips move, gasping greedily at a stale, but still crisp breath. My lungs groan into life.

It then finally clicks into place. My god I feel thick. I was coming out of the crystal! I was free?

My heart begins to race and I wriggle impatiently. The breaking noises continue. Each piece falls away, my bleared eyes watching large chunks of crystal fall to a wooden floor. They smack down and splinter everywhere. As soon as enough has moved, I tumble out too. Ow. Which idiot stood me up? I land in a heap, and I grumble as I try to right myself. My limbs are free, but they're not all that convinced on the movement side of things. They tingle, and I guess slowly they'll wake up too.

How long had I been in there? I look around from the ground and blow the hair out of my face. Where the hell was I? This isn't the barn, that's for sure.

Slowly, my vision clears, each desperate blink hauling more vision into place. Strength gradually creeps back into my limbs whilst I lie here and breathe deeply. Okay, take it in piece by piece Senefold. Wooden floors. Stone walls. Familiar enough, I guess. I keep blinking till finally everything is clear, and I look around. I know that treeline, don't I? Is this HQ? With a grunt I manage to push myself up into a sitting position at least, and I shake my head. The fog remains, but each moment was clearing it. I'm too impatient for this bullshit. I look down at myself, seeing the same clothing of course, and it's torn all over the place. But, I am pretty damn glad to find no bullet holes in me. At least I was healed. The damn weirdness had done that much.

With a bench nearby, I grab onto it, and drag myself onto it. Ow, again. I slap at my legs as they tingle into life. Good gods, these pins and needles are bad, it's like I've sat on my foot for six months straight. It's good to feel again, but shitting hell this tickles. It takes another ten minutes or so I reckon, before the tingling dies away to normal sensation. Time to move. I hold onto the arm-rest, and attempt to stand, looking rather a lot like a newborn deer as my legs splay around and struggle to hold me up.

I must have been in that crystal for a while, I guess. I swallow hard and hope I can find some water soon, but before leaving the room I glance back to where I had been stood. The crystal husk remains for the most part, the front of it having been the only part to give way. The thing gleamed dully in the window's light, but even from here I can see that layer of dust. It's not very thick, but that could easily just mean I had been given the occasional polish.

No point asking myself questions. I need to find someone. Making for the door, I thank whatever deity was left lurking around, that it isn't locked.

All right, so wherever I am, I'm probably amongst friends at least. Then again, they might have locked me away to keep me safe from pesky enemies. Or, I was with enemies, and they didn't believe I'd ever make it out of there, so didn't bother their asses to lock the door. Fuck it. Hypothesis could be done later. I look up and down the corridor, smiling to myself as I recognise my surroundings. Yes. It was HQ.

I leave the small room and head towards Blondie's office, guessing it was a good place to start as it had a lack of stairs on the way.

Everything is so quiet. Everything is so vacant feeling.

The last time I'd been in HQ, it had been filled with a sense of life. It had thrummed with it. Now? It was like a shell. Whilst this idea makes me anxious, and has a coldness sinking into my gut, I keep calm. I know this wasn't where I'd gone into the crystal. Someone had moved me here. Presumably, that meant someone was still around to have done that. I want to call out, but my voice is little more than scratchings upon a door for the time being.

After what feels like too god-damn long, I get to that big wooden door. Finally. I lean against it, giving a half-hearted knock before pushing it open. The room is entirely vacant. It looks like it's been this way for a little while. Perhaps not months, but at least a week. Dammit, stairs it is then. I sigh and head back along the corridor, clinging to the walls. Seems logical to head for the common areas, if the brass wasn't around. If Blondie wasn't in his office, I didn't have much hope that Levi would be. I head for the mess-hall, pausing when I reach the head of those stairs.

Hm, that's not going to work. I sit on my ass, and slowly work my way down, step by step.

I look like an idiot, but at least I wouldn't break my neck for the sake of appearances. That would be rather daft, having spent however long in a crystal to heal myself, only to flop down the stairs and break my neck straight after. Then again, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone either, at this point. I get to the bottom at last, and see a figure hunched over one of the thankfully nearby tables. At first I don't recognise then, my eyes not great at distance yet as they continue to adjust to the waking world. Carefully, I stagger over there using the chairs and tables along the way as a means of holding myself upright. The stonework nips at my toes, my shoes having been a bit torn up by the crystal.

The closer I get, the more familiar the figure is. Dark hair, strong shoulders, fairly short from the looks of it. A small gasp of relief escapes me despite myself. It's Levi.

Slumped over on the table-top, apparently sleeping. His hair is in disarray, cast over his closed and bruised looking eyes. He has a little stubble, and judging from the way that jumper is clinging to him, he had lost some weight too. But there's no grey hair, so it hasn't been that fucking long. Thank goodness. I sit down when I reach the table, glad of the bench under me, but also glad he hadn't woken immediately. It gives me a chance to look at the mess of papers strewn all around him. Just what was he working on? And why was he here all alone?

I pick a couple up and look at them. At first my mind doesn't really grasp what I'm reading, but bit by bit it falls into place. It was details on other lands. Holy shit, maybe Zeke hadn't been talking out of his ass then. This world of ours, it went a lot further than any of us had ever thought. There's also some official documents on Historia's rule, outlining her reign and some details about an orphanage. She seems to be doing well, and I feel more relief sink into me. Maybe doubt had finally left her alone.

Then I spot a book under Levi's arm. It's kinda scrappy looking. I tilt my head, and carefully take it from him, turning it over a few times, and finding myself staring at a strange form of picture that slips out of the cover. Damn that's very realistic, whoever drew it was very talented. I turn the book again and bother to read the cover. Grisha Jeager.

What the hell?

I swallow hard, and try to wrap my head around all this. I had been out for a while, and a lot had happened. The revolution had come and gone, Historia was queen now, and we knew about other lands. It's a lot to soak in, it's enough to drown in. For a moment I look to the other bits of parchment. It seemed like Historia was working well with Levi etc. she was writing to him in an almost casual manner. Then there's all this info on other lands, on how they worked, where they were, their connection to us. What the hell was going on? I sigh at myself, and simply start reading the book. After all, why randomly ask the questions, when the answers are right in front of you? Not to mention, it looked like sleep was a rare situation for Levi once again, so I wasn't about to wake him. To me, it had seemed like a 10 minute nap, but I had no idea how long it had actually been for him. How long had I abandoned him?

* * *

By the time I've finished reading that scrawled book, the sun is dipping below the window panes. Seemed like time was running out for everything. I sip the water next to Levi, before I have to clamp a hand over my mouth for a second. Dammit, that book had led to too many answers. _That_ piece of information stinging the most. I... I can't even admit to it right now. I don't want to think about how close I am to the end. Maybe. Possibly? It was why he was here, slumped over the table. It was why he had lost weight, I guess. It was why all this information was scattered around him. He was searching for a solution, wasn't he? My mind is reeling, and I have to consider waking Levi. Either that or wait till my rattling bones woke him with their incessant shivering. I'd need a fire soon, there was a distinct chill to the air. And atop that, I was now pretty fucking scared too.

I set the book down, but apparently that was enough to do the job for me.

"Ghn..." Levi grumbles, shifting his weight before leaning up on one arm. He yawns and gradually sits up properly, his back giving a couple pops as he rubs his eyes. "Shitty-Glasses, I told you to not fucking wake me when you... got b-back..." his words slip away as he lowers his hands.

I smile meekly, and give a little wave.

He's just staring for a couple moments. His mouth closes and then opens again as if he's thinking about speaking, but then his lips seal again and another couple moments pass by silently. Before I know it, in the next instant he's got round the table and he's holding me close. I can feel him shuddering already, but damn he's warm. I curl into his hold and hide my head in the crook of his neck. He might have lost weight, but he was still strong. I feel that much in the way he's crushing me to his chest. I breathe him in and cling to that warm jumper of his. Never let go, please. He seems to be doing the same to me, breathing deep for a while, before he sits back slightly and cups my face.

"You're really out, brat?" He breathes, and I nod with a smile in place. I can't help it, he's looking at me in such wonder, it's hard to do anything else at all. Some tears roll down my face despite my only emotion being relief. I sniff. "You're really out," he repeats, pulling me against his chest again.

"Levi." I breathe, holding him now, my arms going round him and squeezing as best I can. Though I don't know how much pressure I manage, as my arms tremble and strength fails. I don't enjoy this, in fact I'm already rather bored of it, weakness wasn't my forte.

"How long have I been gone?" I ask, voice crackled and dry. I had sipped the water next to him, but really I just needed practise.

He sits back slightly and smooths his hair, trying to gather himself. "Um... about a year now. We're heading for spring again. I've been staying here with Hanji and some of the brats. You... Dammit, I was starting to wonder if you'd ever come back out." He swallows, having blurted those words out as relief replaces the exhaustion for a moment. He looks so young like that.

"I'm sorry." I say, not sure as to why, because it wasn't really my choice.

He shakes his head. "If you're healed, I don't care about the wait." He sort of jolts, and his eyes dart over me. "Are you healed?" This unsure Levi isn't one I recognise easily. He's not confident in anything, he's shaken to his core. The hell had I left him to endure alone?

"Yeah, no more bullet wounds. Good as new." I reassure, and he sighs, his head landing on my shoulder and resting there for a bit. I swallow hard and try to ignore the impending tide of guilt. My fingers lace through his dark hair. "I'm sorry I left you for so long, promise it wasn't my intention."

"I gotta admit, brat, it's been damned weird without you. I'm glad you were safe for the more... hair-raising moments, but damn... there was plenty times when I needed you." He sits upright, and then hauls me into his lap. It didn't seem like he was going to let go anytime soon either. He's so warm though, so I couldn't care less. "When we found you exactly where we had left you. Nothing had changed. I... I guess I was relieved and terrified at the same time. I thought 'shit, she might never come out of there. Just like that Annie bitch.'"

"Do not compare me to that wench, thank you." I chuckle, and kiss his throat.

"Mm, fair enough. But here you are... Shouldn't have doubted it really. Not like you to be silenced for too long." He smirks and leans back, still holding me close.

I glance around at the emptiness. "You here all by yourself today?"

"Hanji went for supplies. The rest have been in the capital with Historia for a few days. She's working on her orphanage or something, so they're helping her." He sighs, and kisses my head. "Dammit you're real, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm real, Levi." I sit up and kiss him properly, a sigh escaping him as he returns it. His hand is in my hair, holding firmly and deepening the kiss. His heart is thundering under my palms. When I can break away, I put my head to his chest again. "I'm so sorry I kept you waiting. I promise I won't do it again."

"If the choice is between waiting, and you having bled out on that fucking barn floor? I'll work through it. You chose right. If we'd been exposed that night, it could have all fallen apart then and there. Yet again, you saved the day, brat." He smiles a little sadly down at me, hand running along my cheekbone.

"Jeez, am I gonna get such a nice speech from Blondie too?" I chuckle to myself, and he looks to the side. My stomach clenches. "Levi? Is Golden Boy all right?"

"Yeah... I mean... basically." He rolls his eyes at himself, and I just wait. "He took your 'passing' pretty hard. Got it in his head that he should have planned further, and figured out when the MP's would strike. Basically, he landed it all at his own doorstep yet again, like the idiot he is." Levi sighed.

"I mean... that can hardly have been a surprise, he thrives on masochism." I chuckle, but then I see that lingering look. It had been serious. I nod and purse my lips. "But he's doing better?"

"Since we managed to get control back? Yeah, he's been too busy to wallow, too caught up in everything to reminisce about what he could, or could not have done. Hanji's nearly killed him a couple times already, she doesn't enjoy not being able to get through to him." Levi shrugs. "I have to admit, I gave up pretty quickly. I had enough shit to deal with, without babysitting him."

I make him look at me. "Understandable, sir."

"You're really out." He holds me close, our foreheads touching.

For a while we just kind of sit there. I find out about the everyday, and I assure him I was totally out of it whilst in the crystal. Seems he had been visiting on a weekly basis after the first two months of sitting there waiting ardently. I scold him for that, but he just rolls his eyes at me and goes to get a kettle warmed up in the kitchens. I hear it warble away, and I look around. This place seemed huge without all the troops in it, but apparently they were needed elsewhere. As long as they were still around to be needed, that was my main concern.

"Amazingly enough, we managed okay, without you." He scoffs at my surprise, and I just take the tea and blow softly on it. "But I'm sure the brats will be thrilled to know you're out. It was the main thing anyone ever asked me, until I upended a table in sheer frustration."

I blink. "Upended a table?"

"You could say, I've been a little..." he scratches the back of his neck and shrugs. "Erratic."

"I think that's understandable." I nod and then look to the table we're sitting at. I look at those papers. There was no way of permanently dodging this issue. I need to talk to him about _it_. "So... I um... I read the book." I say, when he's taken his place beside me.

His eyes tighten. He glares at the book as if it was to blame. But it isn't, we both know it isn't. It was just the messenger. I stare at it as well, the silence deepening between us as I finally bring it to the front of my mind. 13 years. Apparently, according to the meddling Dr. Jeager, there was a limit to how long a body could endure the power of Shifting. And apparently, I was rather close to the end of it. 13 years. That was it. 13 fucking years.

Levi lights a lantern as the last of the day's light slips away. I look at my hands, glad to feel his grip when he takes hold of them.

"I'm going to figure it out, Alex. Me and Hanji are going to save you. I swear it."

"Makes sense though, right?" I say, staring at our hands, and noticing how his grip tightens. He doesn't want to hear this, but I have to say it. I've only had minutes to digest it, he's had a year or so. "It's why I was struggling so much with recovering from Shifting. Why my healing couldn't take on those bullets. I... I must be in my eleventh year, if not my twelfth by now. I guess... I guess I-"

"You're going to be fine." He snarls, taking a hand back to slam it against the tabletop. He curses a splinter that jams into his finger. I sigh, and have a look, carefully pinching it back out again before kissing the back of his hand which has returned to a fist.

"Is there any leads onto beating it? I mean... Levi, that book sounded pretty conclusive. 13 years to every shifter." I say, and then I feel that coldness return to my gut. I look up at Levi with fresh urgency. "Oh, shit. What about Eren-"

"Please spare me. Don't start worrying over that fucking brat, instead of yourself. At least spare me that torture, please?" Levi groans, and I flick his head. He grumbles. "You're obviously the priority here, Alexia. You've been a shifter for a lot longer, you're... you're closer to time on this."

I nod and then bite my lip. "Wh-Who knows, maybe it doesn't apply to me? I'm n-not one of these original Titans, am I? Or..." I offer, half-heartedly, knowing that considering the symptoms I had only just mentioned myself, it was doubtful that I would be exempt from the issue. I shiver. "Or maybe I am... I did have to eat that guy. Shit."

"We're looking into every avenue we can think of." He breathes.

I smile and cup his cheeks, running my thumbs along those deep patches of bruising. "You've not been sleeping properly, have you?"

"Sleep? How do I do that, when I know this is waiting for you?" He sounds so very drained.

"I don't expect you to save me from everything, Levi. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, you're not a damsel, brat. I just... I can't stand the idea, that you've been locked away in that crystal, and now you're... you're still on a clock. Because of something that damn family of yours, forced onto you." His jaw tightens under my hands.

"Hey now," I lean forward to kiss his lips, trying to blink the warmth away from my eyes. "If they hadn't done that, we would have never met. You'd have had no reason to take note of this boulshy ass-hole."

He looks at me with a pained expression, as if a knife was being twisted in his gut. I hate it, but I don't know how to remove it. Of course I was scared. Who wouldn't be, reading that you're going to die within 2 or so years. I had so many plans for me and Levi, for the world we would see together, for the life we might lead outside this madhouse of the military. But now... now it's all that little bit further away. If not removed entirely.

I lick my lips. "So... w-with everything that has happened, are we beyond the walls again? Have we retaken Maria and ventured out? I didn't really get those details from my snooping."

He nods, and for a second he smiles faintly. "We even found the ocean."

"Holy shit." I laugh and bite my lip. "What's it like?"

"I... I didn't go. I went with them, but I stayed on the other side of the embankment." He looks down, and I feel his face heat up with that blush.

"Levi..." I narrow my eyes. "Did you deny yourself seeing the ocean, for me?"

He nods. I pat his face playfully and laugh, it ending in a strange sob like noise. Sometimes he could be such a fool. He looks up in concern, but then he sees me smiling whilst crying, and he looks as confused as he should.

"What?" I snort at him. "I... I dunno whether to be amazed, or annoyed. You didn't know if I was gonna come out of that f-fucking crystal, and you denied yourself the Ocean? Are you insane?" I laugh and sniff, shaking my head as he then kind of joins in with me.

"I want to see it with you, I would have gone there alone if you had... well if we knew for certain that you'd never come out. I ain't that thick. But I just... it was a way to keep holding on, y'know? Something to fight towards." He shrugs, clearly embarrassed.

I put my head against his, and when he turns to me properly, I kiss the idiot hard. He holds me close, and I vaguely hear the door to our left open and close, but I keep holding onto Levi for the time being. As potentially stupid as his gesture was, it was still very, very cute. His human had taken quite the beating in my absence.

"A-Alexia?" I hear Hanji, and I sit back from Levi, who keeps a firm hold on me anyway. I look to the scientist and smile, seeing her eyes blear with tears behind her thick glasses. As adorable as ever.

She sets her bags down and rushes round, effectively stealing me from Levi as she whisks me into her arms and holds me even tighter than he had. Dammit she was gonna rupture my boobs.

We talk about everything, and when we reach the subject of the book, she looks at Levi with a rather guilty expression. Oh dear, they'd been fighting over me hadn't they? I'm starting to feel like a troublesome child.

Eventually Hanji just sighs and shrugs. "We're doing all we can, that's all I can say."

"How's Eren fairing?" I ask, and she looks up with a similar expression to what Levi had. Vaguely irritated. I hold my hands up in surrender. "Look, I deal with things by focusing on other people. Let me?"

"Yeah... I guess. But you stay focused, missy. This is your problem first. But Eren's doing well. He's determined as always, but staying active too. I think... I think he's scared when it comes down to it, but I know his first issue is knowing how close to the deadline you're getting. We weren't sure if the crystal would delay it or not."

"I wouldn't know either." I shake my head and then look down at my healed body. "It definitely healed me, but I doubt it can save me from death."

"Maybe we should try it though? See how it actually affects your body?" She offers, reaching for her notepad, before I grab her wrist.

"Hanji, love, you're assuming that I can do it on will. I didn't intend to do it in the first place. A survival instinct and nothing more. I can do it in titan form, but only partially on my body. I'm sorry, but this isn't something we can test-run." I let go, and wish I hadn't been the cause of those downcast eyes.

"Damn... I really thought that could work."

"It might, but at this point... I guess I need to live like we have no options. Live for today, as it were." I say, trying to be upbeat, but my god you would think I had stabbed them through the heart. I sigh and hang my head. "What? You want me to wallow in a corner instead? I can't do that, guys. I have to fight it, I have to be living, or else I might as well check-out now."

Levi's teeth snap together. "You sound so... so 'okay' with dying."

I know where his mind's gone. It's back in that forest, back when I said that foolish line about him killing me. I'd been so wrapped up in my own drama, I hadn't considered how those words would haunt him. Dammit, I'd done such a number on this man. I can't even blame the anger, not really. I know if the roles were reversed, I'd have already slapped him probably.

"I'm not okay with anything." I try to explain, his eyes suspicious. "I'm not wanting to go anywhere, not when this world is suddenly so open to us. I just don't want to spend, what could be my last days, hauled up in a bed, wallowing about it. I've already been stuck inside a shiny pebble for nearly a year. It's time to move, to explore, to live." I reach for his hand, glad to find he was okay with me taking it.

For a few moments he's silent, before finally he looks at me without suspicion. "So, you're not giving up?"

"No, I just wanna be able to live a little. Is that all right with you?" I ask gently, and he pauses, but he nods.

"Sorry. I guess, I've been expecting the worst for so long. I just..."

"Levi, I get it. But considering where we stand right now, it doesn't seem like there's a hell of a lot to be done for the time being." He nods at my words and clears his throat. I look to Hanji. "That big-ass civilisation is over the water, and otherwise we're figuring out the cure. Is there any leads on what might give us the truth?"

"Well, that's why Eren's headed to the mainland." She replies with a small smile in place.

I balk. "He's done what? Isn't that kinda enemy territory?"

"He's doing some spy-work as it were." She explains, and whilst I have to bristle a little at the idea of Eren risking himself for my sorry ass, I have to consider he's also doing it for himself.

I calm myself down. "All right then. So whilst we're waiting for the Suicidal Maniac to get back, I need to ask Levi a favour."

His eyes fix on me.

"Would you please take me to the ocean?" I ask and then watch his eyes widen a little bit. I then bite my lip. "Maybe when it's a bit warmer, and we can enjoy the water?"

"Yeah, of course. You'll see it all." He smirks and shakes his head. "But, how about before then, we get you washed up, and think about visiting Historia and Erwin?" He offers, seeming to catch onto this 'be in the moment' idea. It's like watching a shell fall away from him, bit by bit, as he gets more excited.

Hanji gets dinner started, and Levi carries me up the stairs to his room, where he helps me wash up in a bath. It's amazing. I lie back into that warmth and feel it sinking into my bones. Of course, he keeps a close eye on me in case my strength fails. I invited him in, but he was happy enough to keep watch. Eventually I clamber out, and he helps me into some warmer clothing. I then just sit with him for a while, talking about the things he had been contending with. It sounded like it had been a lonely year, but I guess I should have assumed that. Before I came into his life, most years were pretty lonely after he lost Isabel and Farlan.

It sounded a lot like he had been really involved with Historia setting up her orphanage. It was a strange thing to think about, him actively helping children. But really, it made sense. Many of the candidates were coming up from the UG, seeing the sun for the first time, and breathing the fresh air. He understood that transition first-hand.

As Hanji gives us a yell for dinner, I just cup his face again and kiss him. "This is freedom, then?"

"Mm, yeah it is, brat. Come on, lets make a point of enjoying it whilst we can." he breathes, kissing me back, and then leading the way.

For a few hours, as we sat drinking and eating, chatting and laughing, it was all too easy to forget the large blade hanging over my head. 13 years, and then a shifter gave way to the curse of whatever her name was. Damn. It wasn't long, was it? I'd already been in the wilds for a decade-ish, must have been with the Scouts for what... more than six months? Then I was in the crystal for about a year. So now it was basically, a year or so left. Give or take, whatever delay the crystal had achieved. I look to the windows as the lantern light dances against them. I hope Eren finds the cure. It's partially a selfish thought, and partially my idiotic ass hoping that foolish kid doesn't have the rest of his life robbed from him. Not now that he had now gained some freedom, not now that he had actually tasted a semblance of victory. But I don't voice this. I know Levi and Hanji want me to focus on the task at hand, they want me to focus on my own health, my own life. I guess, my own future, no matter how brief it might be.

That night, lying in that familiar bed, in those familiar arms, I found myself having to quickly wipe away tears. I hadn't admitted it to myself, but I guess when things with Historia started kicking off, I really had started looking ahead. I'd considered where me and Levi might end up, if we would actually make good on that dream of seeing the ocean. Of building little homes all the way there. I sigh, and try to sleep, but his arms are so tight round me, I can't really move. Then again, I don't want to.

For me, it had been a mere blink of time by comparison. He had woken each morning, endured each day. It was so much worse. I had once again put him through hell, or then again, was it the world that had done that? My mind goes round and round, before finally, my eyes close and sleep takes me. You'd think I'd slept enough, right?

* * *

 **So there we go, the finale is impending! See you in the 3 weeks for the FINAL chapter! DUN DUN DUUUUN. Won't be quite the 22nd of November, but should be the 25th or a couple days after.**

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	49. Chapter 49

**IT'S HERE. THE FINALE!**

 **It's like 10,000 words long so get yourself a cuppa tea people!**

 **Thank you all so very much for reading this piece, I hope you've enjoyed it and are happy with how I round things off! This story has been going for like 2 years or so, and frankly I can't believe it! The end?! My god! Haha, anyway thanks for taking the time to read my work, I sincerely hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.**

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 **This feels very, very weird!**

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 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

 **WARNING: MANGA TYPE DETAILS, SPOILERS POTENTIALLY, YE BE WARNED.**

* * *

When I asked for normality, I guess what I was really asking for, was the abnormal for the Scouts. Slow rides to the central city, with no important meeting looming over, or unpleasant encounter with MPs. A pleasant walk along the river, enjoying the normal sounds of city living and hearing a general lack of heckling towards anyone in our uniform. We meander, we stroll, we generally take life at a pace more suited to civilians. Good thing too, as my stamina is all but fucked completely. Regularly I lean against a wall to catch my breath, or feel an ache in my limbs from walking too long. It's a mercy that Levi is feeling so patient for the time being.

We go for coffee in a charming café, where the owner welcomes Levi back with a broad grin, and free food. Whilst there, we ended up bumping into Jean who was on leave. He was getting some fancy gifts for his mother apparently and had a rather odd choice of facial hair sprouting into place. The sun washed over the calm streets, and a sense of relief was still in the air. I think the extra breathing room, had done this walled world the best good that could be done. Everyone seemed calmer. Even the MP's weren't as awful now, although Levi later explained that that was more down to a reshuffle than change-of-heart. The MP's were rather low in numbers for the time being, as a lot of them had been fired, or indeed imprisoned. By with so many people coming up from the UG, able to take residence in a free society, the prisons were moved down there instead.

Things seemed to be going well. So whilst my cynical mind would normally be wondering when the other shoe was gonna drop, I guess it already has. It's that ticking clock inside my head, draining the sand out of my time left in these people's world. But the bustle of the streets, and the gentle conversation that bubbles between me and Levi, it helps drown it out for me. I hope it does the same for him too.

We get word that the Queen was working at the Orphanage that day, and so a carriage was brought to us. My quaking knees are grateful indeed. Normally a turn around like that would have had my efficient Captain on edge, as it was, he looked perfectly content to be heading back out of town towards the countryside.

"Have you been this calm the whole time, or am I just bringing it out in you?" I smile as he blinks at me innocently.

"I guess... I guess you must be." He looks down at his hands and then takes mine to hold upon his lap. "Feels less like such a frantic thing now. We're still running out of time, but at least we can make some memories too." He shrugs and I lean against his shoulders.

"That's a good way to look at it."

"Mm," he leans back against the seat and in truth I think we both ended up dosing a little. This life of idle luxury was going to very quickly turn us soft.

It doesn't take long to make it there, but I'm actually rather glad she wasn't at home in the palace. We weren't anywhere fancy, on the contrary, it was very homely. A large house made of wood with a barn to the side. Rolling countryside was behind it, and a couple paddocks were here and there. I can only assume they had farm animals, and they didn't keep the kids in there.

"It's... damn, it's really beautiful here." I breathe, looking around and marvelling at all they had accomplished. The kids could run, grow, be really free whilst being safe. It was astounding to think that _this_ would be where those poor UG kids were ending up. They must've grinned for days.

"It is, isn't it? To think that most of these kids came from that damned place... " Levi murmurs next to me, and we watch a small group of them charge past. Laughter bubbles up from them so easily, and they shriek in joy as their game continues. I look at him, and see the ghosts in his eyes. At least he could make a difference now. I won't pester him, but I still lean against him and feel his arm tighten around me.

A blonde figure appears on the porch of the house and waves frantically. I wave back and we head along, hearing the laughter surge round the other side of the house.

"Welcome back, Alexia." Historia holds her arms out and smiles broadly. "Sorry to have not been where you expected. I guess I got out of the habit of keeping you informed, Captain." She blushes and leads the way through to a large bright kitchen where she fills before setting it over the stove. Some Queen.

"Good to be back. I can't believe you've done all this in under a year."

"Six weeks and counting." She chuckles, setting up the pot and then ushering us over to the table where she pulls out chairs, then quickly checks the window to see the kids playing. "They've all been so looking forward to meeting you, but now they're wondering where the crystal is." Historia rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "I did tell them it was like a cocoon, but I don't think that got through to them very well."

"Why on earth did they wanna meet my sorry ass?" I snort.

"You're the fairy in the crystal." She snorted and set out the milk and sugar next. Seemed she was enjoying playing house, when she wasn't running the country.

I smirk and shrug. "I'm just someone who worked well as a human shield."

Levi tenses next to me. I wouldn't linger on it, but I also wasn't going to apologise about it either. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Hanji was important to me, and if I could protect her, dammit, I was going to.

The tea is poured, and she explains how it all works. Apparently she's been living in the Orphanage a lot of the time. It allows her to think freely, and avoid the council from tugging her in the wrong directions. The whole thing is very tangled, but she at least knows exactly what she's doing with the kids. They call her Christa because in all honesty, I doubt they know who she really is. But then again, they don't need to know, do they? All they need to be aware of, is that they're safe and free to just be kids again. It had been such a long time since that was the case, hadn't it?

"Have you been to see your parents grave?" The question catches me off-guard and I lower my tea-cup back to it's saucer. I blink in confusion. Why the hell would I have done that? Her big blue eyes go wide and she puts a hand over her mouth. "Oh damn, I've stuck my foot in my mouth. You didn't know?"

"That they'd been found? No, I hadn't found that out yet." I reply, a little confused as to why she was making a big deal out of it at all. My parents and me... it was such a done deal, I wasn't sure why it needed mentioning. I tilt my head and glance at Levi, his jaw was a bit clenched. "Why would I care, guys? Seriously?"

Historia looks to the side. "Well... I guess we thought you might be glad to know what had happened to them. After you found out what they'd been doing for you all that time, that they'd been really trying to save you."

Oh. Oh it was like that.

I sip my tea and try to avoid sounding angry. "Call me callous if you want, but they still went about it a damned shitty way. No matter their intentions, they could have been upfront, and spoken to me about it."

"I'm sure they were scared of discovery, Alexia." Historia means well, but I feel like I'm being told off for being upset. My hand retracts when she tries to reach for it.

"They chose the silent route. They weren't noble, if anything they were the callous ones." I sigh and click my tongue, folding my arms over my chest. "I don't mean to dismiss them being found, heck I'm grateful to at least know where they are I suppose. But..." I look up and see the worry in her eyes.

"Alexia..."

"Look, I'll go see them, I'm sorry to know they are actually dead... but it doesn't change the fact that I don't forgive them."

"I see." Historia looks pained by this, and she gnaws her lip. "But surely, you won't be able to move on, if you can't accept the past-"

"Move on?" I blurt out without meaning to. A bitterness prickles at the back of my mind, those running sands suddenly very loud. "Not much point in worrying about moving on, when I might only have a couple years, if that, to live."

The tears brew in those big-blues. Shit. That had been a bit too blunt.

Levi grumbles under his breath and holds out a handkerchief to the weeping woman. Historia blows her nose and takes a few attempts to calm herself down. Well, don't I just feel like the prize ass-hole.

"Alexia," she sniffs. "Don't refer to that so calmly. You do realise we're all rooting for your recovery, right?" She breathes thickly, dabbing her eyes and blowing her nose again. I hope she doesn't try to return that.

Levi sighs. "It's her way of dealing with it, Historia. Just... Just let her do it." He sounds rather too defeated for my liking, and I glance his way with a frown. "What? You suggesting that isn't the case?"

"No, but I'm getting a bit fucking sick, of being told how I'm _meant_ to be handling this."

"N-No," Historia shakes her head. "We just don't want you to lose hope so easily!"

"I..." I swallow hard and stare at the cup in front of me. "Look, as far as I know, it's _my_ life slipping away, so... why the fuck can't I handle it how I want to? I only just woke up, and I'm sorry to be such a downer when you've all worked so damned hard b-but... but I..." The words are evading me and I grit my teeth, shivering when Levi puts a hand on my shoulder. "I get that you're all upset, I appreciate it. But this is my issue. I..." the lump in my throat is choking me, but I swallow it stubbornly. "I'll handle it my own way."

"Do that, but at least keep in mind that we're here, brat." Levi mutters, giving a soft squeeze before letting go and returning to his own tea. Silence takes to the kitchen for a couple minutes, and when I can swallow without my damn throat pinching, I sip my tea.

"I guess you have a point, Historia." I relinquish, and the woman blinks at me in confusion.

"I do?" She sniffs uncertainly.

I nod, and look to Levi. "If I'm making the Captain here live for the moment, I better start properly buying into this whole 'hope' thing. Can..." I swallow and try again. "Can you take me to their grave, Levi?"

* * *

The graveyard is in some god-forsaken town within Rose. It was unclear how they had ended up in this place, but it wasn't exactly 'homey'. Now that the world has changed, things were certainly looking up and things were being repaired, but the general look to place was still run-down. It took us a day to reach it, and in all honesty I'm just withholding the fact that this was a waste of time. If I'm down to only a certain number of days to live, I don't really wanna waste it on the bones of these two. They offered me nothing but deception and half-truths, drinking themselves into a stupor instead of fucking talking to me. What did I owe them?

My feet crunch against the lingering morning frost. The chill clings to the air as tight as I do my extra coat. Levi seems fine but I'm a shivering mess, and my bones ache from the cold. Am I also 100 years old as well as a weakling? Yeesh. I trudge onwards and then we slow as Levi looks for the grave in question. It doesn't take long, don't think many people in the area had loved ones to tend to. Which in itself makes me question why my parents have a stone at all. They were about as social as me; the woman who had lived alone for 10 years to escape civilisation itself.

"Here we are." He stands a few feet away, gesturing to a grave covered in moss. They'd been dead a decent amount of time then. Maybe they died soon after fleeing from Maria?

I head over and stand next to him, staring at the moss-obscured names and feeling very little. They were just bones now, bones under an old stone shoddily carved. I shrug and whilst not feeling mournful, am still glad of the arm that wraps round my shoulders.

"You want a minute alone?" He asks gently, and I just frown. I feel nothing. I swallow and shrug at him again. Really, I'm trying to understand myself. I mean... surely I should at least feel disdain? His expression is patient. "Just take it slow, Alex. Knowing you, your head won't let you feel anything for another three weeks." He sighs and gives me a pat on the arm before moving away.

I don't like being left to endure the chill alone, but I guess it made sense. Time to say goodbye, to lay this to rest, to get everyone the fuck off my back. I sigh and shake my head, that wasn't the right mindset Senefold, c'mon. My parents had been thick as shit, and horrible for the way they went about it... but they did potentially save me from a lifetime of being studied and pushed to the Royal's games. I kneel down upon my haunches, and tilt my head at the moss.

"So... you didn't get buried under a pub? Not what I saw coming." I can feel the cold crawling down my throat. I cough weakly. "I... I can barely remember your faces but I guess this should be our real goodbye. I um... I'm grateful for you intentions." The word sticks in my throat and I cough again, but I just push on. I had to get this done now, or it'd hang over my head. In all honesty I think it matters to everyone else a lot more, but I can't blame them. I'm shite at reading my own emotions, so god knows what kind of assumptions they have to work off of.

I hear the rumble of conversation, and look back along the pathway. I blink. It's Golden Boy? I peer and watch him give a slightly awkward wave as he stands there talking with my Captain at the graveyard gate. Why the hell was he here, and how had he found us? Creepy bugger as usual, I guess. I wave back and then look to the grave again.

"I won't be coming back again because... well because frankly you barely deserve _this_ visit. But um... yeah. Consider this my farewell. I hope you've got a decent stock of booze up there, or down there, depending on what the Big Dude decided." I put a hand atop the stone and pat softly. "Might be joining you sooner than later. Fate ain't made it's mind up yet... or maybe we just haven't accepted that it has." I sigh and stand up, wishing I hadn't felt my bones creak quite that much.

I head back along the pathway and come up beside them. Erwin's face looks fucking weird, and for a moment I can't figure out why. And then I note the beard. Good lord, it's magnificent. I tilt my head and peer at it, watching a smirk appear under it and a chuckle rumble in his chest.

"Do you approve?"

"Can't decide yet. It's better than that threat of shaving your eyebrows off, but you don't half look..."

"Old?" Levi suggested with a smirk in place, but I shake my head.

"Human." I say, looking the old Commander up and down in suspicion. It was weird. I can't decide if Erwin looked elated, or outright confused by my words.

"Well regardless of how he looks, lets head to the Inn over there. This cold won't be good for you." Levi ushers me along, and Erwin falls into pace with us. I can feel him watching me, but I ain't sure why yet. Does he expect me to suddenly disappear?

We head inside the Inn and Levi sees about some drinks whilst I get a seat with Stumples. He's so quiet and watchful. Nothing new I know, but right now it's so intense in this small space. When we're sat down I lightly kick his shin under the table and he jolts.

I lean forward slightly. "Could you spit it out, whatever is tugging on your forked tongue?"

"I just..." he sighs heavily, brows knitting together as he clasps his hands upon the table-top. I lean back as I realise a speech is on its way. What the hell was it with people and speeches, when you suddenly reappeared after a year of absence encased in crystal? Yeesh. If they're not careful I'm going to get one hell of an ego on me.

He clenches his teeth. "I'm just so very grateful you've returned, Senefold. I apologise if I was leering or something, I suppose I'm still trying to accept that you're actually here."

"You been imagining me as well, then?" I smirk at first, and then see his eyes light in surprise. Oh crap, he hadn't known about Levi. I scratch the back of my neck and gesture to the Captain by the bar currently arguing over what constituted 'tea' or coloured 'piss-water'.

Erwin's brows raise. "I... I didn't know Levi had been falling prey to such things. I thought he was doing a lot better than myself. I'll admit that I allowed guilt to rule me rather badly."

"So I've heard, you've done a damn good set of wallowing. Is that the reason for the beard, or are you writing a novel?" I snort and am glad to see his expression lighten again.

"No, the beard was more to allow some animosity for myself whilst walking through the cities. We're free now, and the Titans are eradicated, but that doesn't return the countless soldiers I sent to their deaths, to their parents. I'm still the Commander culpable for that." He glances to the side, as if expecting an angry mother to appear then and there. I wonder how well he manages to sleep, even now.

"I guess so... still, are you able to enjoy freedom a little? Or are you still sneaking out at night to smoke and watch the stars?"

"I enjoy it a little, but I don't deny I've made my star-watching a bit of a ritual in your honour." He smiles softly and sits back as Levi approaches. "But it'll certainly be easier knowing you've escaped the crystal at long last."

I accept my beer from Levi and he sits next to me. Seems he decided against the 'piss-water' after all. He clunks his glass against mine and Erwin's and takes a long gulp before sitting back and sighing.

"You heard from Jeager yet, Smith?"

"Not yet, no. But contact is limited, you know that Levi. I'm sure he'll let us know what's happening as soon as he can. For the time being just focus on your day-to-day and make the most of it." He takes a sip and sighs. "That's what Hanji keeps telling me to do, anyway."

"Sound advice for sure." I smile and enjoy the simple silence that wraps around us.

"So where are you planning on heading first?" The Commander looks to Levi for this, and my Captain glances my way before suppressing a smile.

"I thought the Ocean would be a good call. By the time we get there, the winds might've warmed a bit." Seemed we had quite the journey ahead of us.

Over the next few months, I guess my world is going to explode, pretty extensively.

* * *

In the end, we live out the months simply and with ease. We enjoy the world, and travel to the ocean. The salted air had my skin tingling, and the walk there had my knees shaking despite the fact my strength had all but returned. It was the dream, right? Seeing the ocean with him. As I glanced to our entwined hands, my smile was unending. I could barely believe how big the ocean really was though. The whole horizon swallowed in deep blue. The cold water tickled my toes, and I breathed in that crisp air greedily. It was amazing. The sand slipped between my fingers, and the salt clung to my skin after I'd dived into those clear blue waves without any warning. But the best part, no matter my own wonder, was seeing his eyes go that little bit wider. When we'd surpassed that hill, I could see a real light come back to him finally.

It wasn't often that Levi Ackerman was amazed. But that was definitely it.

We stayed the whole day, exploring and enjoying. By the time the sun was setting, we were beside a small campfire, listening to the waves and talking about what we wanted to do over the remaining winter months. Eventually, we decided to stay in the city. Levi hadn't been keen, but then I started mentioning the markets, and the fancy tea shops, and he gradually came round to the idea. Funny that, as soon as tea came into the equation he was all for it. Not that he's predictable or anything.

But I can't lie.

That was probably the highpoint, before the downward slope.

As the months passed, my strength weakened. The white streak in my hair grew, and I had to rest every so often when we were walking around even though my muscles had had plenty time to recover from the crystal. This wasn't from that, this was my body weakening. Levi did his best to avoid mentioning it, he was a trooper as always. But I know him. I know how his eyes darkened whenever a cough caught in my throat, or an unwarranted shiver ran through me. He was on edge. The running sands were deafening.

I guess when it came down to it though, that was a good thing.

It allowed us to be prepared.

As we reach the 12 year and 6 month-ish mark, I collapse in our small lodgings.

He'd gone to get the paper, and some fresh rolls for our breakfast. He did it every morning, so this was no different. It's the first real sunrise of spring, with the flowers starting to push through, and the birds coming back to perch. Some snow is finally shifting off the nearby rooftops. Occasionally it slops down onto the street and I get a chuckle at our horrible neighbour's expense. Karma was a chilly bitch. All in all it's a pleasant morning, but I've had a slight queasiness since waking up. I reckon I just need some fresh air. As I stand from the table to get a window open, the world surges. D-Dammit. My head swims, and my breath catches in my suddenly tight throat. My whole body sways, like gravity had changed course. My hands clasp for something, but they slip from the table without purchase, and then the chair topples over too. In the end, I slam onto the wooden floor, and my coffee splashes across the ground.

I'd really liked that cup. It lies in a scattered heap, just like me.

I can't move. All I can do is listen to the ragged nature of my breathing as I pant in abject panic. Dammit where the hell had this come from? I wasn't running around, or even attempting stairs alone. My body feels so heavy, and in the back of my mind I feel so very fucking grateful to not be alone in the wilderness when this is happening. My mind's fuzzy, only half-awake as I lie here slumped. As everything stills, I become aware of a pain slicing up my side from where I'd fallen, and my knee's killing me. Damn, that had been about as elegant as ever. My head pounds.

I don't even know how long I'm lying here. Has it been an hour, or only ten minutes? A robin was on the window sill a moment ago, tapping on the glass to get the bugs to come out and play. Little sod didn't even see me.

Finally I hear the front door open and close. My heart leaps, but my body remains motionless. He's going to freak when he finds me like this.

"L-Levi..." I call weakly, trying to soften the blow, but I'm lying wrong to take a proper breath anyway. Not to mention the bakery bag is rustling loudly too. He can't hear me at all.

"You were right, of course. Looks nice, but still cold as hell out there, freezing my ass off... Alex? You gone back to bed, you lazy brat?" He calls casually, a chuckle in his voice. His footsteps come into the kitchen as a whistle nearly takes to his lips. Then there's an abrupt pause, and the air grows still. I imagine he's seen the fallen chair first, and is putting the pieces together.

I try to call out again, but nothing much beyond a small wheeze escapes.

"Shit! Alex?" The rolls hit the deck as he bolts over, and gets onto his knees next to me. His hands are on my shoulder, and I guess he thought I might be unconscious. But of course I'm just smiling weakly at him. Whoops?

He doesn't move me, he'd already been warned by Hanji not to do that. Not right away, at least, in case I'd fallen real bad. He tries to think. "Shit... um... fuck, okay. Can you hear me?"

I blink once and keep the smile in place.

"Did you pass out?"

I blink twice and frown.

He nods and looks at the coffee cup and then back to me. "Dizzy spell?"

I blink once and return to smiling. He's putting it together so he can send a messenger for Hanji. He pushes my hair back and then gets to his feet to do just that, and I can hear his insistence to the poor guy from here. He hadn't yelled, but I think that made the tone of threat even worse.

"Won't be long. I'm gonna try and make you comfortable at least." He says, and thankfully it doesn't seem like he wants much of a reply. He might just be trying to keep himself calm at this point. I cough weakly, and he flinches as he drapes the blanket over my slumped frame. Slowly, he moves me onto my back, and angles my head to the side once he got a pillow under there. Did he have these ready? How long had he been expecting this to happen?

I try to smile again. "Levi..." I swallow hard, "it w-was just a fall. I'm fi-"

"Come on, we said we wouldn't be doing that shit any more." He breathes, holding my hand tightly and then tucking the blanket closer when I shivered. "Where's the pain, Alex? Glasses said you had to be upfront about it."

I'd never seen him so composed, and yet shaken at the same time. I guess it was a wake-up call. Time really was running out. Eren was due back from the mainland any day now, but from that moment onwards, I know Levi's patience is gone. He'll be hounding everyone for information, demanding to know where 'the damn brat' is.

Hanji comes round in no time, and of course she helps, and even better she manages to calm everything down. Soon enough I'm back in a chair, sat happily at the kitchen table with the blanket still around me. Hanji carefully gives me another check-over, poking and prodding just in case. It was partially for my own good, and partially to satiate our unconvinced Captain. I have some deep bruising along my side, and a bad bash to the knee, but nothing's broken thankfully.

Levi can't accept the idea, that this had simply happened. That it didn't have to have some big reason behind it. Beyond feeling studied, I feel my impatience rise.

"You're not sleeping enough." He says, pulling that one right out of his ass.

I was sleeping fine. In fact, I had a fairly normal sleeping pattern for the first time in my life. I blink at him, and watch as he forms new ideas. Over and over, Hanji tries to calm him, tries to convince him that it was simply an effect of the "curse". But he can't accept that, and he's just taking his frustration out on her instead. Eventually, I just ask Hanji to leave.

"Levi, please... Just come here?" I hold out my hand to him. It wavers mid-air as we listen to Hanji descending the stairs. A heavy sigh leaves him, before he nods and pulls his chair closer. His head leans on my shoulder and I run my fingers through his hair. "I know you're frustrated. You can't kick the shit out of this so called curse, you can't even try to out-think it. I'm sorry for that, really, but... Let's not let it win, hm?" I say softly, just trying to bring him back round.

This wasn't just me suffering, it was him too. It makes me hate this curse all the more. Bastard had no right to being more grief to this man.

Slowly he relaxes, and his voice is quiet. "I'm not ready." He shudders.

I kiss his hair, and try to ignore how my eyes prickle. "I know. I'm not either, but let's not give up any more time to worrying."

He nods, but doesn't speak. I purse my lips and swallow the tears back down.

"How about some breakfast? I'll be more careful." I add, knowing that it would clam him, despite the fact I'd literally been sat still when this happened. You can't really be more careful than that.

"All right, brat. You got it." He sits up, kisses my head, and then serves the rolls that he's saved from the floor. He moves with purpose, and he brews some fresh tea for us both. Dammit, I don't know how to prepare him for the worst. I've always had it in the back of my mind that this was me heading towards the end, but he hasn't, has he? No, he's been hoping this whole time for a last minute saving grace.

I'd never thought he was a fool until that moment.

* * *

For the next week, we're extra careful, and for the next week, I'm hyper aware of my movements. But the dizziness doesn't come again. Not until a month later, when we're on our way towards Shiganshina. Eren has returned to our island, and he has a report to give in. In the carriage I'd felt that surging in my head again, but thankfully was able to mask it by feigning a nap. Nothing had come of it last time, so I saw no reason to have Levi panicking when we got to the meet-up.

Along the road though, the whole time, I've had this sense of dread in my gut. Eren hadn't exactly sounded victorious in his message, so both me and Levi ride in the carriage in silence. If it wasn't good news, we would likely be making our way towards my old hovel. Over the past year or so, we'd had it maintained, just in case. It was where I wanted to die, because it was where I really started to live. Not only that, but where me and Levi had first started to depend on each other. Even if we hadn't been aware of it at the time. The place held a lot of importance to us both, so it only made sense.

But beyond the fears for myself and what I was leaving Levi to deal with, I'm terrified for Eren. The kid had fought so hard for so long, his whole life (practically) had been dedicated to this freedom. To think that he would have it snatched away so soon, it has me wanting to scream at the fucking sky in defiance. Fuck this world, if it's gonna extinguish that kid so soon. I'm trying not to let this anger win, but I can't help it. I suppose its something easier to hold onto, than despair.

We roll into town, and I sit upright as I hear cobbles under the carriage wheels. Levi has taken hold of my hand, but he isn't looking at me yet. I guess it was taking him longer and longer these days to haul the mask into place. The town is being slowly rebuilt, and we approach an area I don't recognise. Then I see the large boulder on the other side of the street, and I have to assume this was where Eren's old house had stood. A brand new home was there now, but I bet its retained its ghosts. We get out the carriage and head up the stairs to the small home, Levi behind me in case I toppled back or faltered, but I'm determined to get there in one shot. And hey, look at that, I'm barely out of breath.

The house is warm and clean, a fire crackling away as Mikasa lays out some food and drinks. She glances at us and wipes her hands before greeting me with a careful hug. The She-wolf seems to be adapting to civilian life all right, and whilst I was a bit nervous at first, I hug her back all the same. Crazy wench wasn't so bad.

Eren looks so much older now. He came down the stairs when Levi took my coat. The kid's hair is longer and has a shaggy look to it. A little stubble is on his chin too. Dammit, Eren was looking more like an adult than ever. I give a small wave when those bright-eyes land on me, but then I bite my lip as the kid flinches. Shit, guess I really don't look my best, do I? Soon enough he's composed, and he comes over to give me an even more careful hug than Mikasa had. I'm officially made of glass, ain't I?

Gradually every one else has arrived, and I sit down next to Hanji. She puts an arm round me and hugs me in an almost normal fashion, and dammit if my soppy-self isn't ecstatic about it. With Levi on the other side of me, and Eren before me, I can't deny that I feel under the microscope. It wasn't just me, this cure was for, but I guess they're all a little focused on my running sands. I smile and dip my head, aware that my cheeks were already aflame. The Commander was last to arrive. He sits down and nods to everyone.

Those fucking eyes are still boring into me, and I curl in on myself. "Could you all at least, _pretend_ not to be panicking?" I breathe.

Levi clears his throat. "What did you find out, Eren?"

The man in question sits up and clasps his hands tightly. I brace for the worst.

"I've a possible solution, but considering the intel I garnered on the mainland, it takes about a year to kick in." His words hang heavy in the air, and a cold sensation pools in my gut. "I... I didn't wanna lead with that, but I didn't want to torment anyone with false hope either."

Oh. They'd found a solution, but it was too late anyway?

I swallow hard and curl my hands into fists, trying to hold onto my famous composure. It was fine. I had known it was a long-shot, I had known we would probably be heading for the hovel. We'd packed for that, we'd prepared. But despite all that logic, despite that knowledge, I can still feel it building in the back of my throat. I want to scream, to rage out, to curse the world for this last bout of absolute horse-shit.

Beside me, Levi has turned to stone, staring at the tabletop, with his hands gripping his own knees. I imagine similar noise is going on in his head. Hanji's breathing uneven, and eventually gives into low sobbing, apologising, but unable to stop.

I look up and meet Eren's pleading eyes. I say pleading, but I don't really know what he's begging for. I can't give him anything, not now.

"You taken this solution then?" I ask, voice thick and crackled. He nods, looking almost ashamed at the fact he was going to survive. But sod it, this is my ray of hope. I beam at him, and as a couple tears roll down my sunken face, I half-laugh, half-sob. "Good. That's so fucking good, Eren. You feel any better yet?"

"Not really any different," he explains carefully, not daring to look at Levi right now. "But then again, I haven't felt the adverse affects yet either."

"Yeah, g-guess not." I sniff and nod, accepting a handkerchief from Mikasa. I blow my nose and clear my throat. "You had confirmation that it works?"

"A few examples, yeah." He grits his teeth and shakes his head. "I... I'm so fucking sorry, Alexia. I tried to get this as fast as I could, I swear."

"I know you did." I can't move that smile, and judging from how Hanji's crying got worse, I don't think it's helping anyone. But dammit, I'm gonna be happy for the kid. Eren would live. He'd know a free world beyond this curse.

Eren's own tears are brewing now. "Maybe if I-"

"Do me one last favour, kid?" I sniff, and he nods, pursing his lips. "Don't do that."

"D-Do what?" He asks, eyes snapping to mine and then going wide when he sees something. I dunno what it is, but it looks like it scares him half to death.

"Don't go on from here, blaming yourself for something you had nothing to do with. Nothing beyond trying to help. You did a great thing, and now you can save yourself, and finally enjoy the freedom you fought so hard for." My voice is as unsteady as the rest of me. He's leaning away, as if he can escape this ask, but I won't let him. I grit my teeth. "Please, Eren. I need your word. You need to know that I don't blame you, and that you shouldn't blame yourself. I ain't about to let you wallow this freedom away."

He swallows hard, and glares at the table. "I... I can't promise that Alex, but... I c-can promise to try?" He offers weakly.

I sigh and nod, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. I lean back in my chair and dab my foolish eyes. "Thank you, Eren. Really, thank you."

"You should take the solution anyway." Erwin says when quiet had taken to the room for a couple moments. I look at him with a raised brow, and he frowns at me. "You don't know. Your own situation is different from the other Shifters. You... you can't be sure this solution wouldn't work on you quicker."

"You just can't give in, can you?" I chuckle, and watch his lips set into a firm line, before sneaking into that wry smirk. That's it Golden Boy, don't you sop-out on me too.

"And I know you can't either, Senefold. Take the solution, lets give fate one last challenge, hm?"

"Only thing left to try." Levi says, and at first I feel his lack of hope, but then I glance at him and see how set his eyes and jaw are. "Take it, and we'll still head for the hovel all right? We'll assume nothing, but we're still gonna try everything."

I nod and lean against him, patting Hanji's knee as she softly cries in her seat still. Eren rose from the table and brought forth the solution in question. It's pale purple and bubbles softly, but really it doesn't taste of anything. But there we have it, I've taken it, and now we roll the dice.

It hadn't been the saving grace we hoped for. But at least we knew where we stood.

Me and Levi linger for a few hours, enjoy the food and the company, but really we're set on leaving sooner rather than later. I'm on my last legs these days, and we had to make it back to the hovel. It was in Maria of course, but that area of forest hadn't been touched yet by people, and I have to wonder if that was actually the Scouts doing. We would travel there and stay there until something happened, be that my full recovery, or my submission to the curse.

* * *

The place looks like it always did. Only now, there's some decent walls up. Good thing too, these old bones aren't as good at enduring the cold as they used to be. I look around, and breathe in the canopy air. Home. I really was home again, and with Levi here beside me.

Levi stokes the fire into life, and then sets about sorting our supplies. We didn't know how long we would be here. But I think he might have been a bit optimistic in packing for several months. Even so, I don't say anything, I just let him busy himself, whilst I doze by the fire. When I wake there's some hot food to be enjoyed, and he pours us both some wine. Were it not for the sword hanging over my head, it might've been nothing more than a pleasant holiday.

We eat, we drink, we talk and eventually he has to stoke the fire again as it began to die away. I watched the flames as I leaned against his chest, and I hope his heart might calm soon. He's been nervous since Shiganshina, and whilst he isn't fighting a tidal curse, he isn't a Spring-Chicken any more either.

I look up to joke about this with him, when my lips fall silent. He's looking at me with something I can't recognise burning in his gaze. His hand runs along my jawline, and his thumb runs along my cheekbone. For a moment it looks like he's going to speak, but decides against it to simply press his lips to mine. No words are needed. My hand reaches up and laces into his dark hair, whilst he moves us gently and lays me down on the many blankets. The kiss is slow, tender, and building. The fire crackles beside us, and a small sigh escapes me as his hand moves down to my throat and then moves under my shirt.

I hook a leg onto his waist and sigh again as his lips move down my throat too, kissing softly against the skin that he gradually reveals. My hands fumble with his shirt and he chuckles before tugging it off and returning to his tenacious work. Every touch of his lips is scalding to me, and I shudder accordingly, calming his worry with my likely drunken smile. It felt good. The sense of loving that rolls off him, has my head in a joyous spin, and soon enough he's kissed all over me and stripped me bare. Soon enough he's joined me, and tugs the blanket over us as well.

A deep orange glow permeates the bubble of bliss, and my hands run over his chest.

"I love you." I breathe, and he wears the saddest smile I think I've ever witnessed. But he doesn't dwell on it, swooping down and kissing me again, only now he holds me closer. I'm glad to know he can still desire me when I'm so weak, but I know I'm on the edge of this world. I can't stand to have things unsaid right now. Even the idea of that has my chest feeling tight. I had to get this out of my head and into his, before I get carried away. I knew if I waited any longer his practised touch would have my greed bubbling up, and I'd forget all about these words. Right now it wasn't just what _I_ wanted and needed, I had to consider him.

I push on his chest. "L-Levi, wait." I choke, sniffing when he raises himself slightly, eyes worried. He sits up and holds my hands in his, giving a small nod as indication he was listening. The blanket's still over us thankfully, and the soft flicker of the fire keeps everything warm. He isn't one to be open about this sort of thing, but I'll be damned if I'm about to let this idiot ruin the rest of his life on my account.

"What is it, Alex?" he says, the gravel to his voice making me wonder if he was on the verge of tears anyway. "I just thought you wanted-"

"I do, you idiot." I breathe into a laugh and he can't help but smirk. "I just need to say something first. Y-You know how much of a rambling mess I become once you get going."

His smirk flashes into a real smile for a second before simmering back down.

I take a deep breath. "Levi, I need to know that... th-that even if these are my final days, or hours, or whatever... that they aren't yours." I swallow hard.

He blinks, and it seems like he's really taking my words to heart. Maybe he hadn't even been consciously thinking about that, too wrapped up in my mess to even consider what he was going to do afterwards. He blinks again and shrugs, frowning and looking at our hands.

"What difference should that make?" He mutters, and I stare at him in disbelief. He sees this and sighs. "What, Alex? Don't look at me like I'm some sort of coward."

"I... I-I'm not. But you can't just disregard everything that's left out there for you." I try to ignore how my body has begun to tremble, but the idea of him just casting his life away right after me is horrible.

"Left out there? Like what? People who hate me for having served alongside their dead kids? Others that wanna hold me up as a war hero or some shit... there's noth-"

"There's the orphanage." I snap, sitting up slightly on my elbows. "There's Historia, and Erwin, they both need you to keep their big blonde heads on straight. Y-You need to make a difference r-right? That was what you always said, whenever you thought about I-Isabel and Farlan. You had t-to make it mean something?"

"Damn your memory." He sighs.

"Levi, please. D-Don't... Don't make me regret giving into this." I hold his hand as tightly as I can, and he swallows hard.

"But it won't make a difference to you, once you're gone."

"Maybe not, but I can't stand the idea that you're willing to just give it all up for my sorry ass. I... I-I know you love me, but dammit I didn't expect the end of my life to mean the end of yours." I grit my teeth. "Please! You... you have so much more to offer the world. S-So much more tea to try." I half laugh, old habits pushing a joke in there to alleviate this panic in my chest.

His smirk reappears and he leans down to kiss the back of my hands.

"It isn't like I have some dramatic plan to follow you into the afterlife, Alex."

"No?" I'm not exactly convinced.

"No, I just hadn't really thought about life beyond it. I..." he puts his head against our hands for a second. "I'm just an old git trying to figure it out, okay?" He looks up and reaches to run his thumb along my cheek.

"You promise you'll try? Try to live a life beyond this mess?" I bite my lip and feel my cheek bloom under his touch.

"I'm pretty sick of letting you down, so yeah, Brat you got it." His hand lingers at my cheek before slowly slipping round to lace into my hair.

"You haven't let me dow-" He silences me with his lips, and I know there's no point in trying to argue it out with him. He was as stubborn as I was.

As his kiss grows insistent, I feel my resolve melting away. I knew it. The man could play me better than any blade. My mouth moves with his, and everything tumbles into place. The last time we'd done this here, everything had been so frantic. Neither of us wanted to admit to what we felt, and our anger had driven the situation. Now we were saying out goodbyes. Funny how the world works.

"You know what you've done to me, right?" He growls, moving his lips down my throat. My grip on his hair tightens, and my back arches as those lips lave at my chest.

"Nngh... yes. Just like you know what you've done to me." I mewl into a soft moan as he sucks and bites.

I groan as those strong hands skim down my hips. One then holds him up against the floor, whilst the other travels back along my inner thigh. His lips claim mine in a desperate manner, and his touch continues to caress closer to my heat. My own hands run all over him, they can't stop. I trace those lines of muscle and scars, memorising it as best I can. My hips roll as I feel him caress into me, and I moan without reserve as he finally touches me deeper.

"Alexia... Alexia..." he chants, planting kisses along my shoulder as he works my nerves over expertly. My skin prickles, goosebumps appearing wherever he touches.

"L-Levi..." I hum, my hands running up his chest and neck to tangle in his hair and drag him into a fresh kiss. "Please..." I pant, knowing my energy wouldn't hold up for long. "I want the real thing. Please, fucking get inside me." I plead wantonly and feel him chuckle as his chest is pressed to mine.

"Of course, brat." He growls, leaning forward as my legs wrap round him.

The deep need thrums in my spine. I hold my breath as he ghosts over my core, and slowly he strokes me. My breath is coaxed into a hushed gasp. My eyes flutter open, I hadn't even meant to close them. They feel warm as nostalgia merges with love. But the sentimental notion is interrupted as I feel him push into me.

Yes.

More.

My voice tumbles out of me, as he kneads his thumb against my core, his length pulsing into me inch my inch. Fuck, y-yes. It takes away the pain, it replaces my fears with nothing but this fizzing pleasure. This moment. Our panting is mixed with soft calls of each other's name, the need to hear it as many times as possible. His breathing hitches again and his hips move slowly, another growl building in his throat. That strong hand abandons my core and I whimper, about to beg, but I don't get the chance. He grinds against that pearl of nerves he had engorged.

A strangled cry is ripped from me.

It's like the fire's crackled out of the stone circle, and caught along my nerves.

Everything is singing.

My body arches away from the floor as he pushes into the hilt. Fuck, yes. The pressure builds, and I almost forget to breathe. Oh gods. More! My nails scrape against the wood under us. His hips roll again. Pathetically, teasingly - damn him! Another chuckle husks into my ear and he plants kisses under my jaw as he gently grinds. As much as I would like to challenge him, to flip us and ride this impertinent man into bliss, I know I can't. I'm at his mercy, and in a way its all the sweeter for it. It made sense. I feel it dew on my brow, my heart still galloping whilst the room stilled.

"I'll work to make this place better okay? I'll look after it, and keep it here," he murmurs in the dimness, still grinding against me, but now his hips move with more purpose. "You'll never really be gone. I won't... nngh... I won't let the world forget you." He slowly pulses in and out of me, and my body writhes in time with him. For once, we make love. Something tugs on my heart as I consider the fact he was nervous, he wanted to make me proud didn't he? I chance a look at him, words failing me right now. But as I see the desperation in his gaze, a smile pulls on my lips.

"I'm so very glad to leave it in your hands." I respond in a rough whisper. "I'm s-sure thr squirrels approve."

A smile almost appears on his lips and he nods, leaning in and kissing my throat as he thrusts deeper. My hands run up and down his back, and my legs quiver as I cling to him. Mine. My Captain, my love, my Levi. My hair tickles against my neck, and I run my fingers through his undercut. This was everything right now. He hums.

Enemies to Allies.

Allies to friends.

Friends to lovers.

I dunno how long we lay there broiling slowly, simmering our way into pleasure till we're both softly moaning with every movement. Our nerves are as tight as our hearts. I know that moment's approaching. Gently his hands slide under me, resting against my back. I'm about to ask what he's doing when I'm lifted upright, and cradled to his chest. I gasp as the sensation inside of me sparks even deeper, and my nails catch along his skin. He's on his knees, moving all the while.

I tug on his hair to make him kiss me. His hips move faster. One hand holds me upright against him, whilst the other holds the back of my head, demanding my kiss. I feel like fire is licking along my spine, melting my entirety. I do what I can, but those damn hips of his are turning me to jelly. My thighs quiver.

"Alexia... nngh... Alex. _Dammit_." He growls, a deep shudder running along his spine.

So close.

A growl builds from my throat as he lays me back down and grips my hips tighter. His movements grow erratic. That moment brews in my core. I tangle my hands in his hair, tugging his head back and biting at his throat. Violence returns as the end draws near. His teeth bared and his nails dig into my skin.

That's it Levi. Fight it.

Mark me. Fucking claim me.

"Alex..." his voice is gravelled, almost pleading.

I nuzzle into his neck and kiss his shoulder. The sparks catch, and we tumble together. My moan gathers into a joyous scream. His head rests against my chest, hips guttering as his own moment slams into him. My body undulates and is set alight. Bliss. Our mouths move together in exhausted ecstasy as we moan incoherently our way through it.

Slowly he rides it out, pausing and shuddering as he leaves me. We're spent, yet he remains on his knees, braced on his hands either side of my head. He pants and shakes his head, leaning down to press our foreheads together. My body trembles all over.

"Fuck..." I shudder as my body echoes. Every pulse of my now calming heart gives me a small snippet of that feeling, body grinning from head to toe. He kisses along my shoulder or at my forehead. So tender, so loving. Damn it almost suited him. I run my fingers along his cheekbones, and when he finally lays down beside me, I nuzzle his shoulder. His hands gently caress all over my body.

"Agreed," he murmurs, cupping my face to kiss me properly, slower and more sensual as our hearts calm. Our noses brush lightly. "I'm going to miss you so damn much..."

I put a hand against his chest and swallow hard, still trying to catch my breath. "Please don't." I breathe, and he rolls his eyes at me.

"It's your doing brat, you brought the human out in me."

"Mm... guess I did." I snicker and hear him laugh breathlessly, before his lips are back on mine.

* * *

It started softly. Like it was nothing more than a brook washing away fallen leaves.

The pulling sensation, tugs on my heart. I knew it was coming. I knew Fate was calling for me. Dawn's just broken through the canopy, early morning light so soft in those newly bloomed leaves. I run a hand through Levi's hair. Slowly he wakes, blinking in the pale light and looking to me with a dazed smile in place. Then he sees my expression, and he leans up on his elbow, stroking my cheek. Thankfully he seems to understand without me saying it.

He swallows hard and sits upright. The sounds of the morning beyond our walls is soothing. And as he scoops me into his lap, I smile contentedly. Bit by bit, he swathes us in blankets and pushes my hair back from my face.

His heart is racing. "You're sure?"

"Mm... yeah, I think so." I breathe as that brook bubbles into a light breeze, seeming to drift out of my body with each weakened breath. My strength leaves with every slow blink.

Levi holds me close. "I promise, I'll keep fighting. And I'll keep this place looking good." He repeats himself as he tucks the blanket closer. He frowns, eyes growing a little misty. "I can't have those bastard squirrels making a mess, right?"

"Too right... Heathens that they are." I chuckle and look up at him, watching how those silver eyes gleam. "But beyond fighting, Levi, I need you... t-to do something else, okay? What w-we spoke about, but s-something else too."

He nods, running a thumb against my cold cheek.

I mirror the action, barely able to reach for him. "You're not a soldier any more. So just keep being human, instead? Live your life. Enjoy the tea. C-Clean all the rooms." I chuckle into a soft cough, my hand falling away until he clasped it and kissed the back of it. "Promise me? Keep being human?"

"Yeah, of course. Of course." He breathes. "I promise, Alexia. I promise." He rocks back and forth gently. The trees rustle, like they're waving goodbye too. The edges of my vision fade and I feel a warm numbness settling over me. It blooms out of my chest and swathes over my whole body. Perhaps that solution had removed the pain from this? It seems far too kind for this world.

"And h-hey... Levi?"

"Yeah?" His voice is echoing, like he's already far away.

"I fucking love you." I whisper, only his quivering lips still in view as the world turned dark.

Those lips press against my own. "I fucking love you, too. Always."

* * *

The green canopy rushes past me. These big-ass trees are our playground. My voice cheers through the swirling air, everything warm and fresh. A new day. A new opportunity. This was freedom, this was our home. The hovel comes into view, our little haven. I grin, not needing to use gas this time, I simply gain speed because I want to. I want to get back there as soon as possible. Not in ten minutes, not in ten hours, I barely want to wait ten seconds. Now. I want it all, now. Even from back here I can see him waiting. Dependable, reliable; it still makes my heart clench foolishly. Does he know that? Had I ever admitted it? Yes, yes I had. He sits brewing tea, breakfast ready and smelling wonderful.

How many years it had been, I don't know, but long may it continue.

He turns at the sound of my wire, and gives a casual wave. The kettle whines behind him. Another simple day continues. I give a whoop. I was like a bird, I was free. Maybe we could take another trip soon. See the waves again, or even venture out with Armin on his fishing boat. It wasn't our time yet, he would join me for real soon enough. Me and him. Me and my Captain. Me and Levi. I flip round, and sigh as the cool wind whips past. A smile spreads over my face as I sink below the canopy again. The green flickers past in this wonderful dream.

We had strong wings, and even stronger possibilities.

For the first time, my wings felt full: fully free, fully unchained.

* * *

 **And there we have it! Yeah... not exactly a happy ending, but I hope I managed to make it bittersweet for you all the same.**

 **Thanks for reading! It's been a blast ^-^**

 **If you're really wanting more content, be sure to check out my other stories on here ;) and follow me on Instagram (same username and picture) for info on my other projects in the pipeline - namely my own works/novels/web-comics!**

 **MadnessIsContagious:** I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapters, the fact I was writing towards the end felt so very odd! If you couldn't deal with the other chapters, I have to worry about the state of you now, haha. Hope you enjoyed the ending, it was surreal to write. Glad you liked the rupture boobs part, I wanted to maintain Alexia's humour despite the rather sombre news etc. so i'm glad I still got a laugh! No, I didn't think you had left, dontcha worry. I know school gets mental, so thank you for taking the time to chime in again now. So looking forward to finding out your thoughts on the finale! You're so very kind, and your continuing support really does mean the world to me. Thank you so much for being such an amazing reader, if only more in these communities were like you! Thanks again, and I look forward to chatting with you on FFD instead, haha. Bye!

 **MoonLover765:** I'm so glad you're that wrapped up in this, tbh. So thank you for saying such kind things! Your continued support has been a real help for me in writing these last few chapters, please know how much your reviews have meant. I really hope you enjoyed the finale, and can't wait to know your thoughts on it! Thanks again :D


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